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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 12-04-2011, 02:42 PM
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Default The Thing With Red Eyes (Fixed and READY)

GT and Gothita strolled along the trail. They were walking through a beautiful forest. Many Pokemon cries seemed to call out to them, as if they were saying, "Hello!".

They were obviously looking for a good first-Pokemon catch.

Gothita hopped down from GT's shoulder, and suddenly darted into the bushes.

GT was puzzled. "Huh?" She thought to herself. Then she felt like she was being watched.

"Gothi...Gothita..." whispered her Pokemon, now peeking out the bushes.

Gothita's hand shook as she pointed behind GT. GT slowly turned around, and looked up.

There they were. Two big, beady red eyes looking down at her.

It scared GT out of her wits. She got so scared, so paralyzed, yet so excited, she ran into the bushes with her pokemon.

She did it at the very right moment, though. A figure shot out of the trees just as she hurled herself into the bushes.

She hid there for a while. Then she realized what the figure was:

A Wurmple.

But how in the world could a Wurmple have red eyes? she thought.

It seemed as if her question was answered.

Two more pairs of red eyes gleamed in the darkness.

Then, two other Pokemon floated in. A Banette and a Misdreavus.

The Red-Eyed Wurple glared at them, then staggered over in a strange fashion. They seemed to have a chat together, the three of them.

Then it hit her.

GT suddenly realized what the Ghost-type Pokemon were doing to the poor Wurmple.

They had hypnotized it.

All of GT's nerves were shot. Finally, she looked down at her Pokemon, Gothita.

The look in GT's eyes told Gothita just what they were gonna do.

They both sprang out of the bushes. Alarmed, Pansage, Banette and Misdreavus whipped around.

They both launched and shot Shadow Balls at them.

Gothita and GT were fast, though.

Once out of the Shadow Ball shower, GT made her move.

"Gothita, use Confusion!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. She shut her eyes tight, and a loud, screeching sound along with a rainbow of a Confusion attack, filled her eardrums.

"GOOOOOTTTTHHHHHIIIIIIITAAAA!"

Banette and Misdreavus were flung forwards.

Instantly, GT sprang upwards and scooped up the dizzy Pansage in her arms.

"WUR! Wurple wur...wur..." Said theWurmple. Then its eyes grew heavy and he lulled off to sleep.

"Now, Gothita, Pound!" She whispered to Gothita. She went to launch her Pound, but it had no affect on the Ghost-types.

Alarmed, she realized the only attack to use was Confusion.

"Confusion, again!" She called to her Pokemon. The confusion was much more powerful this time, and Banette and Misdreavus were knocked out.

GT and Gothita then rushed Wurmple to the nearest Pokemon Center.

---

Now, Wurmple was all healed, and GT got an idea. She set out the Wurmple in the middle of the floor. She said, "Go, Pokeball!" and threw her Pokeball at Wurmple.

But to GT and Gothita, it didn't matter if they caught Wurmple. It only mattered they had a new friendship with him.

Last edited by Gothita Lost Her Temper; 12-23-2011 at 08:22 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2011, 11:23 PM
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Default Re: The Thing With Red Eyes

Okay, ready for graders!

Pokemon attempting to catch: Wurmple
Character Count: 2,930

Thanks!

Last edited by Gothita Lost Her Temper; 12-23-2011 at 08:19 PM.
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  #3  
Old 12-09-2011, 04:51 AM
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Default Re: The Thing With Red Eyes (READY FOR GRADERS)

I'm afraid the story is much too short for a Pansage. A Medium Pokemon requires 10K - 20K, and you have about 3K. You can either aim for an Easiest Pokemon instead or lengthen the story to meet requirements for a Pansage.

Whatever you choose, I'll be sure to grade it when it's ready. :)

- Kat
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  #4  
Old 12-23-2011, 08:20 PM
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Default Re: The Thing With Red Eyes (READY FOR GRADERS)

I switched the Pokemon I was trying to catch to a Wurmple instead. Thanks! :D

~GT
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  #5  
Old 03-05-2012, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: The Thing With Red Eyes (Fixed and READY)

Hm, sorry you had to wait so long to get a grade for this. ^^;

Story: It was a cute and traditional tale of a trainer going on an adventure into the forest to catch a Pokemon. You told it nicely, and the Ghosts hypnotizing the Wurmple to be their sort of minion was unique. However, while fine for the Easiest rank, these concepts tend to be graded harshly in higher levels.

You can write about anything you'd like. Whether you want to take your main protagonist on adventure across the ocean or into outer space, coming up with something the Graders haven't seen or read before is a great way to improve your odds of capture. :P Try brainstorming some original ideas so that your story is both creative and one of a kind. :3 Let your imagination run wild; there are few limits in the Story section.

Grammar: Your spelling and sentence structure was very nice. But the lack of paragraphing was a bit of a stump here. Sentences that tell of a single topic or idea belong conjoined into a single paragraph. A new paragraph begins when a new idea or situation begins.

Quote:
"WUR! Wurple wur...wur..." Said the Wurmple.
Something else to keep in mind, is that when using dialogue, the phrase referring to the quote is considered part of the same sentence. "Said the Wurmple." is a dependent clause; it requires the quote to be a complete sentence. The dialogue tag should be lower-cased unless it begins with a proper noun and requires capitalization.

"WUR! Wurple wur...wur..." said the Wurmple.

Details: There was some good stuff here, especially when you described feelings such as fear and excitement. The visual descriptions were quite scarce though. I don't know what your character looks like, nor can I see the scene around them. Use adjectives to paint a picture for your reader. Colors, sounds, smells... Translate what your mind sees into your text, and we will be able to see it as well.

Was the grass, damp? Dry? Sharp? Soft? Was it green and wick or dull and dying? Were the trees tall and broad? Was it sunny or raining? Hot or cold? These details create an atmosphere. Half the joy of reading is feeling like the reader themselves are in the story as well.

Overall: Being your first story, I think this is just fine for the little worm. It was a little shorter than preferred, but it was a fine piece. I think you are capable of coming up with some really good stuff if you put the time and effort in. Keep in mind that stories will get graded more harshly the higher up in rank you go. Writing takes practice and there is always room for improvement.

Wurmple captured!

Enjoy your Pokemon.

Last edited by EmBreon; 03-05-2012 at 10:18 PM.
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