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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-12-2007, 02:16 AM
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Default If you must act like a cliche, then I'll treat you like one

Drin gets sick of Brylle's attitude, and accuses him of acting like a cliche- though of what, she's not sure. (Pepe lepew?A poor Don Juan imitation? Your usual inept Rocket? Some combination of the three, and more?) So, when he wants a new Pokemon after his Masquerain becomes ill and has to stay at a Pokecenter for a while, she decides to find him a cliched Pokemon.

Pokemon to get: Ekans.


Sorting through the muck was not Drin's idea of a fun day. She wasn't the sort to fear getting her hands dirty, but the thoughts of what was in the sludge was enough to make even the expirienced Rocket shudder. Grimer lived in that messy mass- In fact, she could be pulling apart the decomposing, or even living, body of one right then and not know it.

Shivering in disgust at the thought, Drin glanced again at the handful of sludge she held. It actually looked the right color, she noticed, and tossed it away, wiping her hands on a dirty piece of cloth.

"Keep looking." She told Brylle when he tried to do the same. Taking pity after a minute, however- No one deserved this- she tossed him a pair of gloves, and a cleaner towel to wipe his hands off on. He took it gratefully, seeming to believe she was warming up to him, for he leaned in towards her, sweat drops nearly falling from his skin to hers before she pulled away.

"You are a walking cliche," Drin grumbled at him, shoving his shoulder. The dried goo cracked as she moved her hand, and she hastily wiped it off on another towel, resisting the urge to gag. Really, this was just too disgusting.

"Yeah, that's why you said we were getting my Pokemon here." Brylle said, seemingly unperturbed by her attitude. "What exactly are we looking for in thus muck? A Muk?" He laughed at his own bad joke.

"Oh, GOD," Drin muttered, raising her voice to an audible decibel level only on the last word. Startled, Brylle let go of the goo he was moving, then shook his hand to dislodge it from the glove, as it had gotten stuck.

"God?" He repeated, as though he didn't realize she was simply complaining, then pushed aside some of the mess more rapidly. "You... Aren't serious, are you?" He said after a moment.

"No." Drin resisted the urge to add 'You useless idiot,' though she wasn't sure why she ought to bother holding her tongue. "We're looking for a Grimer. Or a Koffing."

There were, of course, no Koffing in the mess, they tended to hover near factories. Grimer, however... Well, she had already decided on the likeliness of their presence, which was the reason she had stopped assisting with the excavation of the overflowing sewer grate drain.

"I found something!" Brylle announced, and yanked a long mass of oozing sludge free. Drin thought he was simply mistaken until it moved of its own accord, wrapping around his arm.

'That's definitely not a Grimer,' She realized, and reached for a Pokeball quickly. To her surprise, the Pokemon, whatever it was, didn't seem to want to hurt Brylle. He didn't scream or even complain about it. Instead, he stroked the mess obscuring it from view, and giggled as it began to squirm.

Deciding to do something before he got hurt, Drin was about to call out her Poochyena when something occured to her. Physical attacks would spread the mess, and her Pokemon would not want to touch whatever that mess was. Instead, she selected Beloved, her Houndour.

As usual, Houndour's first action was to smile up at her, then look for Precious, Drin's Poochyena. Not spotting it, it seemed to realize that the situation wasn't dangerous, and it relaxed visibly. Drin, not one to waste time, pointed directly at the Pokemon as Brylle set it down and began to prod it with a stick.

"Beloved, Flamethrower."

Streams of flame flashed from Houndour, hitting their target. As the sludge had smelled awful even before, Drin moved a clean towel over her hand, and used it to hold her nose. However, this really wasn't neccesary. The flames didn't hurt the Pokemon, they merely hardened the mud from tail to halfway up its body. It was an Ekans, she realized from the shape, which was fine. They were a decent Pokemon.

'And still cliched and predictable from someone like him, especially a Rocket,' some distance part of her mind said, only to be pushed aside by the more immediate part, which demanded that she focus on the battle.

'At least the mud smells better dry. It must be mostly dirt, or it would smell awful cooked,' her treacherous thoughts interrupted, betraying her again. This, however, wasn't distracting for very long.

"Smog," Drin ordered, then reconsidered. The air was terrible enough already, and the Ekans lived in conditions worse than Houndour could ever make them. "No, wait," She ordered, when this sank in. No wonder the Pokemon had been friendly, instead of biting or otherwise attacking Brylle. Living with Trainers, even unknown and possibly rotten ones, had to be better than living in known-to-be-rotten muck beneath the streets of the city. Heck, industrialization couldn't even be blamed for the mess, for the few factories were on the other side of town, and sanitary. It was the slobby, piggish citizens of the town who used the streets as a garbage can and a toilet, leaving the terrible conditions they currently saw.

At least, Drin thought with a lopsided, wolfish grin, she hadn't had to use Odor Sleuth. She doubted it would have helped Houndour locate a hiding Pokemon. In fact, it'd be far more likely to leave him helpless to find the Pokemon, his nose temporarily destroyed by the horrible odor, and the pain of it leaving him effectively disabled.

"Well, that was easy," Brylle commented, interrupting her thoughts. "We must be excellent Rockets."

'Sure, let's go with that,' Drin thought, rolling her eyes. However, she did take out a Pokeball. It hadn't really been an exciting capture, but she didn't care. The sooner they got out of this horrid city, the better.

"Pokeball, go!" Brylle shrieked excitedly as she carelessly lobbed the little sphere towards the trapped Ekans, making Drin wince.

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.

I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-16-2007 at 03:32 AM.
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:34 AM
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Default Re: If you must act like a cliche, then I'll treat you like one

Here as promised, and also to prove that I can do my job.

Story: It's two of our favorite Rockets, trapped in a gross ... place! I actually like that you admit the fact that you are looking for a cliche Pokemon here, as Ekans and Koffing are probably some of the biggest ones for this organization. I also feel sorry for Drin for having to put up with Brylle's jokes. The poor, poor girl.

Good for the Pokemon you want, and it's also an amusing read.

Spelling/Grammar: I have found no mistakes here, so have a cookie. I'm glad you managed to capitalize things like 'Pokemon' this time!

Length: Perfect for the poison snake, and the story isn't bad, either.

Detail/Description: I'm pretty sure the two Rockets are in a sewer, although I don't think I saw that word flying around anywhere. The word 'sludge' pretty much confirmed that you are in a place like that, though. Describing them tearing through the sludge was also great, although disgusting. Good characters here as well - Drin is still sarcastic and cool, and Brylle does seem like the typical inept Rocket member, not to mention bad at jokes. As usual, this section is good, and I cannot ask for anything more. I can see the setting, the people, and the Pokemon, so this must be a good story.

Battle: Yes, the smells! I'm more of a color and sight fan than smells, but you got your point across - and using any of the five senses during battle is fantastic to me. The Smog attack was clever, and you made me really not want to imagine what it was like down there. The Ekans could have used an attack or two, but I like what you did here. It was unique, and you seem to have made it "unexciting" on purpose. I cannot help but feel it almost suits the two characters here, considering the setting and just how much they can't really cooperate with one another.

Outcome: Ekans Captured! - Hey, some cliches are not that bad.
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