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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-14-2007, 08:15 PM
munchlax2000 Offline
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Default together forever no matter how long

im going for my first capture
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
intro:
my RPG is about a boy called ricky who starts his PKMN journey at the age of 10 and he lives on dragon hill dragon hill(key part of the story)

he starts with Pichu and his goal well his goal is to become the best ever Pokemon trainer.

chapter 1
His best day ever.
Ricky was so excited about His birthday not because of the present's but because he'd get his first Pokemon

It was monday morning Ten AM actually but Ricky could not care about the time he just had to get to the lab to get his Pokemon


After looking through the Pokemon he saw it..........his best friend forever or soon will be ''PICHU'' he cried loudly ''Pichu is gonna' be mystarter please Danny''
''Off course Ricky,Pichu is your's to take,here is his Pokeball the lightning ball''.

Chapter 2
the adventure begin's.
''Pichu GO!!!!!
Pichu together me and you can capture all the Pokemon in the world''!!!!!!
But we still gotta' lot of work to do ummm...........first let's head for
rose city, sound's pretty do you agree''?

''RICKYYYYY!!!!!!!''Danny cried ''i have a gift for you it's called a pokedex! it automattically record's data on Pokemon you capture''

''Thanks''

''Good luck on your journey''Danny said.

Asthey walked through the grass at rose city Ricky and Pichu found a Roselia ''now this should be fun,Pichu go!Pichu try Thunder
good ,now give it a big hug use your charm attack,great now the finisher Thunder wave,to paralyze it,NOW Pokeball GO!!!!!''.

so the ball rushed and swayed from side to side then it grabbed the Roselia in it's clutches and it jiggled for a bit but was it captured?

PS SORRY IF IT WAS TOO SHORT
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  #2  
Old 03-14-2007, 08:58 PM
Seawolf's Avatar
Seawolf Offline
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Default Re: together forever no matter how long

This isn't enough for Roselia, let alone something as simple as a Caterpie.

Roselia will require about three times what you have here, a plot, adequate details and a bigger battle. You need to go beyond something more than "boy goes outside with his Pokemon and immediately finds the one he wants to capture" sort of thing, and you NEED descriptions here. You will want to describe your character, the settings, and not just put "It was his birthday. He went out and found Roselia hiding in the bushes." - You lack any sort of detail, and it is necessary for any story. You need to tell us what the forest is like, what the attacks used look like (does Thunder look like a shower of sparks? What does the main character and his Pichu look like?)

Quote:
''Off course Ricky,Pichu is your's to take,here is his Pokeball the lightning ball''.

Chapter 2
the adventure begin's.
''Pichu GO!!!!!
What happened during the time that he got Pichu? Did he go to sleep, or go somewhere? You really cannot tell, and you need to do that for your readers. It's a confusing mass of words now, really.

Look at all the stories posted here as examples, because that is what you need the most help on. This is simply too short, and it lacks a little bit of everything. Practice, check your spelling through MS Word or some other document, and edit this with a more detailed story. Check out the << How to Write Stories >> thread for more information on all this.
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  #3  
Old 03-15-2007, 07:46 AM
munchlax2000 Offline
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: wailords digestive system
Posts: 105
Default Re: together forever no matter how long

thanks for grading my story,although im terrible at them
but i can assure you the next one will be the best i can do
but honestly thanks
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Piplup: 51

Hatches @ Post 66
Prinplup @ Post 99
Empoleon @ Post 159
Level 100 @ Post 351
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