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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-17-2007, 11:01 PM
munchlax2000 Offline
Experienced Trainer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: wailords digestive system
Posts: 105
Default The flight forest

Pokemon to be captured:Weedle and Caterpie
chapter 1:
to go to the secretive forest

There once used to be folk lore in the town of Fire valley,about a hidden forest known as the secretive forest,only on a certain day can it be seen and that day is...well nobody knows but a young boy called Trate is determined to find out.He wear's a sleeveless top
a red baseball cap and white trouser's with red shoes.

As I was saying the folklore involves completing many tasks,one of which is to have an Electric type pokemon,luckily enough for him he does have a well groomed and taken care of Pichu,Trates Pichu is unique,it has more power than an ordinary Pichu but he still looked the same with red sacks pointy finger's and feet.Number two,is to have only one Pokemon which Trate did and 3,you must have two bug types.Those two bug types must be Weedle and Caterpie and can only be found in fire valley.

It is said that on the very rim around a volcano up in the fiery,fearsome,
one thousand foot mountains,are fresh woods with lush green grass and exotic plants.
but to go to Secretive forest i mentioned earlier,you must have Weedle and Caterpie,
and they can only be found in the Fresh wood's around the mountain top.

Chapter 2:
getting prepared:
Trate was in his room getting ready for his trip to the fresh woods,it will be a long and tricky journey but its only natural.

Come on out Pichu!are you ready to go to the Fresh woods i'm starting to think about giving up on this trip,but we must find out the secret to the secretive forest"
so are you with me?
pi pichu pi
so is that yes?good"
this is what we're going to need for the journey,
one super potion
two potions
one full heal
poke balls,have we got that stuff
*Pichu looks in the bag*
good lets see what's the safest route huh?
OH great,we've got to go through,MIRACULOUS MOUNTAIN!!!
that means that our chances of figuring out the secret to the forest is still a long way away.
Anyways lets see if we can do some training first okay?

Chapter 3
So Trate and Pichu went fishing for water types so Pichu could knock them back down again.
Pichu use Thunder on Poliwhirl,
a shower of spark's went up in the air and shone on Poliwhirl forcing it to go back under water to avoid further pain.
That was good Pichu,that should be enough for today.
Thus after packing away they both went to sleep and were awaiting the day they go to Fresh woods but first to get to the woods,Miraculous mountain furthermore if prevailing to capture a Weedle and a Caterpie,finding out the secret to the Secretive forest.

Chapter 4
finding fresh woods
the day has arrived for Trate and Pichu to set off to Miraculous mountain,if they succeed they shall press onwards to fresh woods where they may capture caterpie and weedle.
Come on Pichu lets go we're headed to miraculous mountain.After a long walk they finally reach the rocky hillside of avalanches and the silent mountain of destruction,where they will have to battle their way to get to the top of the mountain.

come on Pichu lets get our first win over the silent mountain,a Spinda huh?
well i have a feeling it won't be staying around for long.Pichu go!use quick attack
oh no spinda used Protect.Well then Pichu forget your Quick attack,attack Spinda where its not Protected at the top with Thunder

they might have prevailed against spinda but their still 3 battles away from Fresh woods.
"Whats next a pidgey HAHAHA!
SWELL SWE SWELLOOWW oh okay then a swellow's okay,
Pichu use your boltic way that Swellows fast enough to dodge it,in that case Quick attack then stop in mid air and use Volt Tackle
good combo but still not enough.
noooo Swellow knows Hyper beam"luckily it just barely hit Pichu.
I won't tolerate this Pichu volt tackle.
the hyper beam and volt tackle clashed like there was no tommorow but fortunately Pichu succeeded once more.

Chapter 5
bring it on
After defeating two Pokemon already they both still need to beat two more Pokemon but this time in a double battle Pichu must defeat two Magikarp then they can get to fresh woods.
in the lake at the top of the mountain were two magikarp,Pichu knew straight away he should use Thunder so he did and the two Magikarp fainted.

Now Trate and pichu have defeated 4 pokemon they can enter Fresh woods to possibly capture what they both desire.
Caterpie and weedle.
as they traveled deeper into the forest they kept finding Pokemon but not the ones they needed so they kept on walking and walking......BUT SUDDENLY,they were stopped by two Pokemon one was a caterpie and the other weedle
Pichu GO!
use volt tackle on weedle that took it out no....oh no string sho,umm Pichu try to break free of it but pichu could not break through the slippery thread
that was untill Caterpie made the big mistake of using tackle which set pichu free and thus
"pichu thunder"
cthhchtt the noise of the Thunder rattled the forest.

Trate used his two poke balls on caterpie and weedle
and the ball flew through the air and then the two pokemon were.............................................. ..................................

Piplup: 51

Hatches @ Post 66
Prinplup @ Post 99
Empoleon @ Post 159
Level 100 @ Post 351
favrite mon piplup

Last edited by munchlax2000; 03-17-2007 at 11:41 PM.
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Old 03-18-2007, 01:00 AM
FireflyK's Avatar
FireflyK Offline
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Default Re: The flight forest

Introduction: [/B]You do have an introduction, but it seems to skip around a bit. Try to remember the 5 W's, and H, when you begin a story. That will help you stay on track.

An introduction, in short, needs 6 or 7 things: The 5 W's, a 'hook', and possibly the 'H', or 'How'. THe 5 W's set the scene, the hook draws the reader's interest, and the How should be present throughout your story, though it might not begin this early. Your character should, however, have an intent of how to accomplish the first of the W's- [Color="DarkOrange'] What.[/Color] What is your character trying to do?

In your story, you told us what- Your character wants to find the hidden forest that appears only occaisonally. However, you forgot the next important W- Why. Why does he want to find the forest?

Remember to include COLOR="Red"]Who[/COLOR], What, Where, When, Why (And sometimes How) at the beginning of every story. In this case, you could include how by explaining how he had heard of the Legend, or how he planned on finding the forest.

Finally, try to Show, instead of telling. Instead of this: well nobody knows but a young boy called Trate is determined to find out.

Try something like this:
Though he had been told of the hidden forest many years ago, Trate was reminded of it one day when he dreamt. His eyes moved slowly beneath their lids, flickering in the dance of dream-filled sleep, as he imagined finding the Secretive Forest. What was in it, he wondered? In his dream, a beautiful and powerful one-of-a-kind Pokemon that had never been discovered before stood in front of him, lurking near the middle of the forest.

The dream began to fade as his Pichu stirred in his sleep, rolling over into Trate. Slowly, Trate opened his eyes, blinking at the light as he took a deep, yawning breath of the fresh morning air. The chirping of the birds was unusually loud, until he realized why it was, and also why it smelled so nice- He had left his window open last night.

Closing it firmly, he turned to Pichu, shaking the small Pokemon awake.

"We're going to find the Secretive Forest," He announced in a determined tone.

This adds length, detail, and a way of showing about the Forest, instead of telling about it. Or, you could have the character explain about the Forest to his Pokemon. However, it's always better to include things in the story, rather than summarize them in the Introduction.

Plot: A boy tries to find a legendary forest, goes through some territory to get there, and finds Caterpie and Weedle, whom he needs to get to the forest. So he catches them.
For these two, this plot is complex enough. Good work on this section.

Grammar: This killed you. You have very little punctuation, and don't even bother with "speech marks" or transitions in your story. You also need to check your grammar, and run a spell check. Your story is very hard to read because of these problems.
Also, remember to start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks.

Detail and Length: Even for Caterpie and Weedle, this is not long enough. For one of them, perhaps, but not both. Also, you really need more detail. What are these wondrous places they are travelling through like? Show us the sights, the smells, and the sounds.

Overall: Caterpie and Weedle Not Captured. You had a good plot idea, but it really needs more work. Check your grammar and spelling, space the story and put in speech marks, then add some more detail. When you have done this, I'll regrade.

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.

I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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