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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-09-2007, 10:54 AM
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Default Dig Dig for the Win!

Pokemon Trying to Catch: Diglett
__________________________________________________ ___________________
Still far from his dream of becoming a Pokemon master, Michael is training hard and wining badges like there is no tomorrow. Michael has just beat Lt.Surge and his vicious Raichu, Michael just beat Lt.Surge as his Raichu took down Michaels Electabuzz very quickly, that was after Electabuzz beat Lt.Surge's Magneton. After Electabuzz was beat Michael decided that he would use his trusty starter Golem. The match was evenly matched until Golem shocked Raichu with a incredible Earthquake with nearly knocked Raichu out In 1 hit, but Raichu wasn't down yet. Raichu then put up a strong fight but it was no match for Golem's Double-Edge and Raichu was no more.

Right now Michael Is In Vermillion City looking around to see any Interesting sites. After wandering around vigorously to find something to do before heading to his long journey to Fuchsia City.

The loud speakers sound.

"To all adventures!" It Boomed. "If you are looking for an adventure to win some money then today is your lucky day, as we are having a competition to see who can get to Pewter City the fastest will win a very generous and big amount of money!"

Michael thought If he had enough money he might be just able to buy some Protein for his Pokemon to make then stronger.

The loud speakers sound again. But this time it was very creaky and it cackled so you couldn't hear much from it

"Welllll..kckckk.." The speaker sounder. “You have to pass..kcckkckkc... throu..kckkc...the dig..kckkkc..lets cave. Whoever makes if through first...kckkcck will win the prize..kckck... money."

The cackling and cracking noise was so loud that It nearly blew Michael's ear drums out.

The loud speaker sounded again but this time It was much more clearer.

"Well all contestants who wants to join please come to our stand outside of the Pokemon Center."

Michael made his way to the Pokemon Center. When he arrived at the Pokemon Center he saw the stall and he was suprised as there was only 1 person there registering. Michael registered and asked for the terms.

"Well there aren't really any terms." The Man at the Counter said.

"No!" A Mysterious talking Meowth said. " Well there are some terms, First you have to sign this Contract."

The Contract was atleast 10 pages long and most of the writing seemed like gibberish and too small to read.

"Well I can't read any of it." Michael said. "Could you read it to me?"

"It says that if you get into any trouble and is hurt and don't make it out alive it isn't our fault." The woman at the counter said.

"Wow isn’t that a bit harsh though?" Michael asked.

"Well It’s your choice to enter or not to enter this competition and theres only 2 people competing at the moment so you will probably have a very good chance of winning." The talking Meowth said.

"Well I do like those odds." Michael said. "So I will join then."

Michael signed the 10-page long contract, he had to initial and sign about 100 times, well thats what he thought.

"So I have to make it under Diglett Cave, Right?" Michael asked.

"Yes, as long you have made it through first you are the winner." The women at the counter said.

"Ok then I will go and I hope I will win!" Michael said in excitement.

"Ok, Good luck." The Meowth said.

Michael could hear sniggering behind his back as he walked to Digletts Cave but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Hehehe." Meowth laughs. "That little idiot kid actually thinks he will make it through."

"Well he might make it through." The counter man said. "Even if he makes it through we will have his Pokemon!"

"Hahahahahaha." The three laughed so loud that they scared the Pidgeys away.

Michael was walking through Digletts cave thinking what a breeze it was.

"Wow this is really easy." Michael said out loud.

As Michael walked further into the cave he encountered another contestant.

"Hey you made it pretty far but your going down now!" Michael screamed.

"What ever loser." A young man said.

The young man looked very skinny and is dressed as like a punk with black baggy jeans and a torn shirt with black and white stripes and his hair, Wow it looks likes a Doduo nest and it is coloured black and red.

"Hey don't call me a loser!" Michael said.

"Well you look like a loser." The punk said.

"How about a battle to settle this?" Michael said. "Thats if your not scared."

"Me scared of a battle?" The punk said. "You wish."

"Ok then a 1 vs 1 battle if I win then you go home and if I lose I go home." Michael said

"Sure." The punk replied.

The field was a rocky field and thought Golem would be a great choice for it but then If the punk was going to pull out a fighting or water type then Golem would go down fast.

"Well I will send Golem!" Michael said.

"A Golem?" The punk said. "Nice choice, but mine is better. Go Ditto!"

"A Ditto?!!?" Michael said in shock.

Michael pulled out his Poke-Dex as he has never seen a Ditto before.

"Ditto is known as the resident shape-shifter In the Pokémon world." Dexter said. "Ditto is also extremely hard to find."

"Ditto transform now!" The punk said.

Ditto transformed into Golem! All that was different was that Ditto had a wondering eye.

"Well Golem, Earthquake!" Michael commanded Golem.

Golem Stomp and hit the ground with his hands and massive cracks came up and hit Ditto as a direct hit to the head. It was a critical hit and Ditto looked damaged.

"Ditto shake It off!" The punk told Ditto. "Now use Double edge!"

Ditto ran up to Golem with no fear and slammed into him, the impact was massive but Ditto took a load of recoil damage. Ditto looked like it was in dizzy street.

"Golem finish it off with EarthQuake." Michael said in confidence.

Golem then again made huge cracks on the ground and the cracks eventually hit Ditto square on the head. Ditto then was unable to battle making Michael and his Golem the winner.

"You lose mate." Michael said. "You had a good run now you can go home and rest."

"Yer, I had a good run." The punk said.

The punk looked sad and walked off in the other direction.

After walking for sometime Michael thinking he was going to win the competition he fell into a planned trap and he was the victim. Michael was walking then suddenly he stepped on something very soft and the next thing he new he just fell into a big hole.

"Prepare for Trouble...and make it double! To protect the world from devastation! To unite all peoples within our nation! To denounce the evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Jessie! James! Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight! Meowth, that's right!" A Trio sang.

"What!?!? Who are you and what are you trying to do with me?" Michael asked as he panicked

"We are Team Rocket and where here to steal your Pokemon!" Jessie said.

"No you can't!" Michael said.

"Yes we can as when you fell down the hole our secret machine scooped up your Poke-Balls." James said.

Michael checked on his belt and he reliased that his belt was missing along with his Pokeballs.

"Nooo it can't be!" Michael screamed.

"Yes it can." Meowth said.

"Hahaha we are going to get promoted..we are going to get promoted!" The trio sang.

As the Team Rocket Trio walked off Michael heard a mysterious noise and then all of a sudden in that hole with him was a Diglett.

"Diglett can you help me get my friends back?"

Diglett nodded as he witnessed Michael being trapped. Diglett took Michael to the Team Rocket Trio in a hurry and Michael was amazed at its speed of its digging.

"What?" Jessie said. "The twirp is here!"

"But how did it get here!" James said.

"I don't know!" Meowth replied.

"Give me my pokemon back!" Michael demanded.

"If you want it back battle me!" Jessie said.

"Ok!" Michael said.

"But twirp you have no Pokemon" Jessie said.

"No you are wrong I have one!" Michael said. "Go Diglett!"

"What the twirp has a Diglett!" Jessie screamed. "Well if this is a battle then go Koffing!

Koffing came out of its Pokeball in a big flash of red light.

"Diglett use Slash." Michael asked.

Slash hit Koffing as a Direct-Critical hit. Koffing was nearly down and out after just 1 move.

"Koffing use Sludge!" Jessie yelled.

Koffing coughed up alot of purple-black sludge and it hit Diglett like acid. As Diglett was a ground type it didn't do that much damage.

"Diglett finish it off with a Slash!" Michael commanded.

Diglett regardless of its own safety it hit Koffing as if squashing a paper cup and it knocked Koffing straight into Team Rocket and they flew off saying.

"Team Rocket is blasting off againnnn!" Team Rocket said.

As they flew off something hit Michael in the head and it was his belt and it still had all his Pokeballs in it.

"Well Diglett I would like to ask you if you would join the team with our adventures." Michael asked. "Well here goes nothing."

“Go Golem,” Michael said.

Golem came smashing out of his Pokeball and he was ready and hyped for a battle.

“Golem try not to go so hard on it ok?” Michael asked.

“Golem use Double-Edge now!” Michael shouted.

Golem then charged at full speed at Diglett but Diglett was fast it dodged the attack by digging a hole in the ground.

“Ughhh Golem stay focused!” Michael asked.

Then Michael could feel Diglett digging under the ground and a massive boom occurred as Diglett re-surfaced and hit Golem square on and Golem was heavily damaged.

“Golem are you ok?” Michael said. “Shake it off man, Use Earthquake!”

Golem then stomped his feet and hit the ground with his hands as massive cracks hit appeared on the ground and was heading for Diglett but then Diglett decided it would dig again and it went down, down and down into the hole but what it didn’t know was that Earthquake has Double the power when hitting an opponent underground. Diglett was half way down when it got hit with massive cracks and was jammed between huge rocks.

“Well I think this one is over.” Michael said. “Greatball go!”

The blue and white Greatball flew through the air and down the hole to catch Diglett , the ball then came back up and it wiggled once, twice and Diglett was …………….



______________________________________

Characters: About 10k?
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Last edited by Ketamine; 03-17-2007 at 11:26 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-17-2007, 10:02 AM
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Default Re: Dig Dig for the Win!

Hello there. <3

Story/Plot: Well, this was okay. I can’t say that a Team Rocket storyline has never been done before, but I liked that you had a cave setting instead of the usual forest one. You did include some form of an introduction, and a decent plot, so I don’t really have any major critiques here. I suggest you make the journey a little longer since it would be unusual for everything to happen like that as soon as you entered the cave. In the end it wasn’t extraordinary, but it was okay for a Simple mon.

Grammar/Spelling: This was what hurt you the most. Check your computer to see if you have a Word program, it’s really helpful; especially for finding spelling mistakes. You really need to go back and read the story more carefully, as I’m sure you could find many mistakes for yourself.

Quote:
Right now Michael Is In Vermillion City looking around to see any Interesting sites.
You did this repeatedly. The only time you’d capitalize words like “is” or “in” is when they’re at the beginning of a sentence. Sift through your story and try to find all of these to lower case. That sentence should look like this:

Right now Michael is in Vermilion City, looking around to see any interesting sites.

Another thing I noticed was your dialogue.

Quote:
"Yes it can." Meowth said.
Speech ending in a period should always be changed to a comma. The writing after it is actually describing the dialogue, so it is considered to be one sentence.

"Yes it can," Meowth said.


Quote:
After wandering around vigorously to find something to do before heading to his long journey to Fuchsia City.
That sentence is a fragment. When you begin a sentence with “After”, you need to supply information of what actually happened after. Like, you can’t just say, “After I went to sleep.”, or “After she left.”. You have to follow it with an explanation such as, “After I went to sleep, my mother came home.”, or “After she left, it began to rain.” If this still doesn’t make sense, go ahead and PM me and I’ll explain further.

I really suggest you get a Word program; they’re very helpful in these situations.

Length: It was enough, but length is the least important aspect of a grade. Try to work harder on the quality of your story instead of just making it longer. Add some details, and maybe even try to make the plot more interesting. The better the storyline, the better the grade. ;)

Reality: Well, the only major thing was the fact that Diglett immediately became Michael's friend. Wild Pokemon wouldn’t just appear and immediately help you out. Maybe Michael could help Diglett out in some way and the Pokemon could return the favor. Just try to somehow add some time here and make it more believable.

Battle: Eh, where was it? :/ Sure Diglett helped you fight off Team Rocket (Diglett doesn’t learn Rock Blast or Take Down btw; you may want to go change that), but you need to have an actual battle between one of your Pokemon and Diglett. The ending battle is probably the most important factor, so not having one is a major downgrade. Try to go back and add one in after the fight with Team Rocket. ;)

Outcome: I’m really sorry, but you need to work a little bit more on your grammar and you definitely need a battle. Diglett not captured. I really liked the story, just work a little bit more on it and then PM me for a regrade once you’ve finished. Don’t give up!
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  #3  
Old 03-17-2007, 11:27 PM
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Default Re: Dig Dig for the Win!

edited re-grade plox
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  #4  
Old 03-18-2007, 12:23 AM
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Default Re: Dig Dig for the Win!

Alright, well the only thing you've edited was the battle. I'll let this slide since you're making an obvious effort, but in future stories, try to use some of my advice. I promise it will help. Diglett captured! Keep writing. ;)
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