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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-25-2007, 07:02 PM
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Default Watery Grave

Fear clutched at Del as he sank beneath the waves. His legs, bound together, were useless, and paddling with his arms did nothing but tire them. Nor could he even try to hold his head up, as his bonds continued most of the way up his torso.

Had he been standing, the water would have been up to his waist, if that. And now, he was drowning in it.

Choking on a bit of the muddy, gritty water, he closed his mouth, forcing the droplets back out. They mixed with a stray tear from his eye. However, the man did his best to keep cool.

Mareep had been confiscated. Murkrow had been hit directly with a thunder attack, and was down for the count.

FarFetch'd, legs bleeding, wings weak, energy exhausted, was gone. He hadn't seen her since being found, since being captured.

As he hit the bottom, Del continued to struggle. It wasn't really that he expected to survive. He was simply unwilling to go out like this, not even knowing if the sneering man he could see dimly through the swirling, mucky water of the mire-pond, was Sable.

The pond was a bit deeper than it had looked, though perhaps that was because he had kicked up a lot of the ground-dirt into the water. Either way, however, as he lay with his face pressed into the mud, Del wished he had a way to escape.

When something unusually warm hit his side, he lay still, assuming he had just made a wave by struggling. However, as it drifted towards him, he opened one eye carefully, wincing as dirt got in it. The floating mess was ink. He had landed too close to a Horsea for the Pokemon's comfort, it seemed, and now, the Pokemon was a bit upset.

A bit seemed like an understatement.

The little Pokemon shifted until it was right beside him. Hoping to sooth it- he didn't know why, since he was about to die anyway- Del managed to smile slightly at it. Horsea, however, seemed, if anything, to be offended. The smaller Pokemon spun in a rapid circle, then repeated the motion. A Twister began to form around it. It did not, however, throw Del out of the water, as he suspected the Pokemon had intended to do. Instead, the water was sucked into it, before shooting out in all directions like a rabid sprinkler. Now laying in only slightly damp dirt, Del gasped for breath, not caring if he looked like a Magikarp out of the water.

It took him a minute to realize the man responsible for throwing him in was talking. He had called out a Pokemon, Del noticed, as he finally managed to turn over, and sit up. A Pidgeotto, in fact, who was currently swooping down at Horsea. Sure the water type was about to become lunch, if Pidgeotto didn't simply carve it up with its claws, he squinted, feeling unable to entirely turn away. Horsea, however, was smart. The Pokemon had dropped the Twister, and now spat a glob of ink in Pidgeotto's face. Unable to see, the bird swerved to try to avoid the attack, and collided with a nearby tree.

Not even daring to laugh, Del held his breath. It appeared, however, that the man had no other Pokemon, for he dashed after Pidgeotto. Knowing he wouldn't be free for long- no one could be that incompetent and last long on Sable's employ, so clearly he was just toying around- Del struggled to his feet.

Murkrow was laying on the ground where it had been left. Carefully crawling to it, he babbled at it meaningless, hoping to wake it up. Finally, the dark type opened one eye weakly.

"Hey, hey," Del muttered, glancing around nervously to see if his captor was returning, "C'mon, wake up, Murkrow, we have to leave, hurry..."

He got very little response from the Pokemon. Murkrow was paralyzed, he realized, and could barely move. The Pokemon cawwed weakly, but seemed unable to move anything aside from its mouth.

Thinking quickly, Del stuck the edge of the ropes near the dark type's mouth. It took a bit of gnawing, but the bird managed to cut through them. Freed, Del wiped some of the mud from his clothes, than quickly grabbed Murkrow, planning on leaving with it. Horsea, however, had something else in mind. As he turned to run, it spat ink at him, then leapt for his shoe.

"Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me," Del muttered, clenching his arms around their burden until the Murkrow shouted weakly in pained protest. "We have to GO!"

Ignoring the shout, Horsea leapt for him again. Rather than try to fight, Del dropped to the ground, flinging the Horsea aside. Out of the water, it was slow as it tried to crawl back to him. He had enough time to find FarFetch'd's Pokeball first, which he tucked into a loose, soggy pocket before trying to get away once more.

Again, Horsea stopped him. Unwilling to pause even to fight it here, Del made a fast decision. Snatching the empty Pokeball that the Pidgeotto had come from, he said, "Either you cut it out or come with me to fight later, or I'll capture you in this and leave you to that man."

This seemed to get the point across, for Horsea gave an irritated trill, but hopped towards him. Hoping it wasn't going to sabotage his escape ,Del lifted it off the ground, laying it against Murkrow, before running.
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-25-2007 at 07:24 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2007, 07:28 PM
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Default Re: Watery Grave

The dim red lights of a Pokecenter loomed in the distance when Del slowed down, finally halting on the dirt road. He had escaped Sable's property, only to find himself in the middle of nowhere. Now, it seemed, he was safe again, or as safe as he could be with Sable's men undoubtedly after him.

Ignoring the shocked look on Nurse Joy's face, he handed her FarFetch'd's Pokeball, and the two Pokemon in his arms. He had second thoughts, however, as he was about to give over Horsea. Why let her heal it, making his upcoming battle against it harder? For all he knew it wanted to off him. It had tried to attack him with a Twister, after all.

Nurse Joy, however, would not take no for an answer, or so he thought. She already looked displeased with the state his Pokemon were in. Trying to excuse himself- he didn't want her to report him to the police, who would realize he had no trainer's license- he muttered "Team Rocket." This was all the explanation she needed. Nurse Joy's indignant look turned to a softer expression, one of understanding and pity.

"Chansey will take you to a room, and get you some dry clothes and something to eat," She told Del, patting his shoulder as if he were still a little boy, "If there's anything else you need, you let us know right away, alright?"

"Okay." Exhausted, Del would have agreed to give up his soul, if she had wanted. As it was, all he wanted was a hot bath, fresh clothes, and a bed. Hell, he'd settle for a pillow and floor, as long as he could sleep safely there.
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2007, 07:35 PM
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Default Re: Watery Grave

Morning found Del in a much brighter mood, especially when he came downstairs to eat breakfast with Nurse Joy and her various Chansey and Blissey. He had often been given whatever he wanted for breakfast with Sable, but in a rather mocking manner. Even when Sable had simply been being nice, he had been ashamed at having had to be given his food by the man. And, of course, when he had protested, Sable had simply given him a look that promised agony later if he didn't give in, before offering in a silky voice to hand-feed him, if he could not manage to eat his food by himself.

Now, while he had a bowl of oatmeal with a sprinkle of milk and sugar, accompanied by plain toast, he still enjoyed it more than he had enjoyed anything given to him by Sable. Gourmet chefs had nothing on food made with care, as corny as it sounded, and earned by ones' self. Well, perhaps he hadn't earned it by doing anything for the Nurse, but he felt that managing to escape, with two Pokemon no less, deserved something.

Both the loss of Mareep, and the irritating Horsea, were brought to mind as he remembered how he had escaped with two Pokemon. He wondered if Horsea counted as three. Murkrow and FarFetch'd, after all, were certainly his, but the water type was anyone's guess. It was stubborn, and also confusing. He wasn't sure if it wanted to get away from Sable's lands, wanted to join his own team for company, or simply wanted a fight.


Deciding now was as good a time as anyway to find out, Del left his plate, wandering off to the recovery room. It was probably very rude, but he wasn’t used to moving them, nor did he really know how to wash plates. He did manual labor, but kitchen chores were the task of a different servant of Sable’s. In fact, Del had never so much as seen who took the plates, nor where. They were just clean when he needed them, despite being left dirty wherever he happened to finish with them.

FarFetch’d was the first to greet him, as he entered the room. Raising the sprig of herbs that he held, in place of the usual (but now lost) leek, she called to him, but did not get up from where she was resting. Murkrow, while more subtle about greeting him, was far more affectionate. When he sat down with his two birds, FarFetch’d merely waved at him and then turned back to preening. Murkrow, however, slowly shifted, until the darker Pokemon was basically in his lap. Smiling at the shy, understated action, he shifted the Pokemon more comfortably into his arms. That, of course, was when Horsea decided to pop up from the little pool in the corner of the room, spitting at him again. He was thankful that it was only water this time, as he didn’t want to stain the clothes that Nurse Joy had so kindly given to him.

“You’re a nuisance, you know that?” He told Horsea, but it didn’t seem offended. Oddly enough, it was being able to speak freely that he enjoyed most, not just telling off the exasperating water type. Perhaps that had something to do with the giggles Horsea fell into as he insulted it. Bubbles poured from the Pokemon’s mouth as it laughed, and Del rolled his eyes.

/I think it wants to fight,/ Murkrow said, shifting its head to look up at Del.

"Really?" He said wryly, teasing Murkrow. Luckily, the Pokemon wasn't offended.

/I'll take care of it,/ it offered, and rose into the air quietly. Horsea, busy laughing, didn't notice, until the room began to darken. At first, Del though Murkrow had pulled the blinds closed, and turned off the lights. However, the blinds were open. Murkrow was silhoutted by the only light, the dim bits escaping through the shadows that half-covered the windows, and was watching Horsea with a sneer.

Shivering at the darkness in its eyes- it reminded him of a few people he'd dealt with when he had lived with Sable- Del stepped backwards as Murkrow gave an inhuman cry, and leapt.
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-25-2007 at 08:25 PM.
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  #4  
Old 03-25-2007, 08:32 PM
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Default Re: Watery Grave

Taunting Horsea, Murkrow dashed at it, the creepy illusion partially spoiled by the insults it was flinging at the Pokemon. However, they did work in angering Horsea. The Pokemon had been trying to Dragon Dance, but now, was too furious to do so properly. Instead, it used Hydro Pump, flinging a wall of water at Murkrow.

"No!" Del shouted, worry striking him for a minute. He'd be in so much trouble if the room was soaked... It took a minute for him to remember that he was safe, in the Pokecenter, where the water could be cleaned up fairly easily if needed. Still, he had sounded angry enough to dissuade Horsea from trying that again. Though soaked, Murkrow had escaped the brunt of the attack, and Horsea's smaller Water Gun was easily evaded. The dark bird used Peck, striking Horsea squarely, then dodged its ink attack, before countering with Nightshade.

"Okay, outside," Del cut in. He'd been thinking as he watched the battle, but now, he brushed at the shadows in front of the window. They looked thick, almost sticky, but they faded away with no feeling at all as he 'touched' them, or where they had been. Soon, the window was flung open, and Murkrow, grabbing Horsea in its beak, flew out into the sunlight before dropping the water type.

Rather than complaining about how unfair this was- after all, Horsea fought best in water- The Pokemon merely used another Water Gun. What it lacked in variety it made up with in enthusiasm. This attack hit squarely, though Murkrow was still not defeated. It was simply annoyed, as its Faint Attack showed. Flying swiftly to Horsea, who was out of ink and too slow on land to escape it wrapped its wings around the Pokemon in a malevolent fashion, whispering near its head before pecking it sharply. Shoving it roughly, Murkrow flew free from it.

Del had taken the traditional way out of the Pokecenter, and thankfully, missed Murkrow's attack. The boy would have been too angry at the sneaky, memory-conjuring tactic to realize that Murkrow was only doing it from anger, that the crow Pokemon wouldn't do the same, ever, to him.
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #5  
Old 03-25-2007, 08:58 PM
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Default Re: Watery Grave

“Finish this already,” he told the Pokemon, even though to him, it seemed that the battle had only just begun. “Try Shadowball.”

He didn’t even think twice about ordering Murkrow around, though whether it would obey him had yet to be proved. It did, however, become clearer now. Murkrow waved a wing at him, but did as he asked. The ball of shadow hit Horsea directly, though the Pokemon didn’t seem hurt. Instead, it simply shook it off, to Murkrow’s surprise, before starting a twister.

Dropping to the ground and crawling away from it, Del watched from squinted eyes as the Twister kicked up dirt and gravel. Murkrow was caught within the swirling winds, and tossed about. Worried for the Pokemon, he gritted his teeth, and screamed at the window, hoping FarFetch’d would hear.

The Twister slowly died down, scattering the last of its debris on the ground, and also throwing Murkrow. Covering his eyes to protect them from the stray, sharp-edged pebbles, Del didn’t manage to catch the dark bird. Though he felt bad, he was relieved to see FarFetch’d appear. The Pokemon darted out the still-open window, aiming directly for Horsea. Instead of battling, or using a recognizable attack, it plucked a branch from the ground, and began to beat the Pokemon with it. A little startled, Del watched for a minute, then cleared his throat. “Slash.”

He had, at first, thought of suggesting another attack. However, FarFetch’d was angry, and seemed to like swiping at the Horsea. This turned out to be a good order, as his bird abided by it happily, slashing the Horsea before dashing away. It complied with his next order, as well- Fury Cutter- which actually knocked Horsea over. The little water type yelped in protest, no longer looking so happy to fight, but FarFetch’d wasn’t going to let it back out now.

Realizing it was in trouble, Horsea tried to use ink again. This, however, failed. Always inventive, the Pokemon substituted a Smokescreen instead, blowing the stuff at Farfetch’d. The Pokemon’s keen eyes would not let the smoke stop it from being able to see well, but it was irritating for the Pokemon, and it disrupted the air currents that had let FarFetch’d glide so smoothly before. Deciding it was safest to land, FarFetch’d actually hopped over to Horsea, feeling a little clumsy on the ground. The Pokemon was knocked back with a strong burst of water, only to hit a tree, and fall to the ground.

With both his Pokemon knocked out, and so soon after being healed, Del was fairly annoyed. Snarling at Horsea, he said, “Happy?”

Lifting up the bird types, he headed inside, only to be hit with a water attack himself. It wasn’t strong enough to hurt him, but it certainly angered him.

“What the –“ he began, before Horsea cut him off. It was rolling towards him. “Go away already,” he said, sounding more as though he was pleading with Horsea than giving it an order. The Pokemon followed him inside, however, where he gave his Pokemon to a Blissey to be healed again.

Annoyed, he finally snatched a random item up off the counter, and prepared to throw it at Horsea. Horsea, however, appeared happy as he did so. It was a Pokeball, he realized, and stopped himself. He wasn’t going to waste it, or catch the Horsea.

“Why do you want to go with me?” He asked, disdainfully. Pokemon rarely wanted to be captured, after all.

/Lonely,/ the Horsea said with a sigh. He didn’t understand it, but he got the general meaning from Horsea’s posture.

“You’re kidding me.” Shaking his head, he offered the Pokeball to Blissey, before remembering why it carried a tray- it couldn’t touch unfilled Pokeballs by itself. It would be sucked into one if it did.

Horsea eyed him with a sad expression. That, however, wasn’t what made him reconsider. Rather, he remembered that Horsea might also have been kept a prisoner at Sable’s home, though he thought it was more likely that it had wandered or been born there. However, there was also the matter of its strength. It was, for all it was a nuisance, a strong Pokemon, that much was clear.

‘Might as well,’ he thought to himself, feeling resigned. Taking up the Pokeball again, he dropped it down towards Horsea, who cooperatively held still. Behind him, the only other trainer in the Pokecenter shouted at him (something along the lines of “Hey, that’s MY Pokeball!”), but it was only a dim noise in the back of his head as he focused singularly on the Horsea. Light reflect off the tile floor, as the pokeball rocked back and forth, rattling noisily...
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-25-2007 at 11:14 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-26-2007, 02:09 AM
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Default Re: Watery Grave

:D

Story/Plot: You’ve written another captivating story, Carly. Deep plot, as usual, and it makes me wonder what’s going to happen next. So many stories make you feel relieved when they’re over, but yours are in an entirely different category. This particular story was a little choppy, but you may have intended it to be that way in case you’re turning it into another series. Anyway, I have no problems here.

Grammar/Spelling: Awesome. Your dialogue was perfect. A few typos here and there, but nothing important enough to point out. Oh, wait! Look what I found:
Quote:
Murkrow was laying on the ground where it had been left.
That should be lying. He would need to be setting something down for it to be laying.

Obviously there were no serious problems here. Really, well done.

Length: Ooo, a tad short. You had quality, again, going for you, but you need to be a little more careful since length is taken into consideration.

Battle: I always look forward to your battles. For me, I find them to be the best part of your stories. The battles have twists and turns themselves, which makes the writing even more exciting. If you could just take what you do in the battles and use that throughout the entire story, you’d have some amazing things going for you, and I’d be out of a job.

Outcome: You only had length going against you, and that’s pretty much the least important aspect in grading, really. Horsea captured! Another good story. At this rate, it will take me approximately 37 years to catch up to you. ;P

The only thing I dislike about grading your stories is that I can rarely find anything to critique. ;P Stop that! Anyway, sorry for the short grade.
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