: Nothing new or original, it is for a Magikarp, after all. I wish I could say there was something about this that stuck out, but that is sadly not the case. It almost looks like you just typed this as you went, not even putting it in MS Word or thinking up something a bit more exciting. As MUCH as Magikarp shouldn't be putting a strain on people since it's the easiest capture, I still wish that you got more creative than this. Going to Sootopolis and saying there are Magikarp living there is fine, but perhaps there is something more special about that area and the sea life it holds? Just stating that and then finding one is just so ... typical. You didn't win me over here.
: Kind of messy, really. Some of the sentences NEED periods somewhere, as they're run ons as they are now, you miss plenty of commas, and you don't capitalize many nouns or names.
Sootopolis was a beautiful city Mostly full of water, a range of pokemon lived outside of Sootopolis but only one family of pokemon swam around Sootopolis and that was Magicarp, of course of course there weren’t many trainers around Sootopolis for a few reasons usually Magicarp was too weak to capture or train against and Gyrados was too strong to train against or capture.
This is just one huge
incomplete sentence - as it is, it's grammatically incorrect and just sloppy. Throw a period in there somewhere, please. Also, why do you randomly capitalize "mostly"? Unless it's a noun (person, place, thing), you don't capitalize random words in sentences. 'Pokemon' is a noun, and should be capitalized, and 'Magik
arp' and 'Gya
rados' are spelled wrong. Please look up Pokemon names and fix these with a spelling check document with MS Word. There are more sentences like this, too, that need to have a period in somewhere to make it an actual sentence and not a run-on (the beginning paragraphs of both posts, mostly) - find them and correct them.
“Go Kazy” roared Will
“Try a psychic Kazy” ordered Will
Uh, where are the periods? Without them, you don't "close" your sentences and the reader will assume it's part of the next sentence - not good. You also need commas after "go" and "Psychic", as you need them after actions and commands. 'Psychic' also needs to be capitalized, as it is an attack name. Again, look through and correct these to make your story appear more clean and easy on the eyes for readers.
: Good for a Magikarp, but the grammar and dull story didn't really help your grade.
: Lacking, but I suppose that is fine for a simple story such as this. You don't describe Will (I have no idea what he looks like), attacks, or locations and Pokemon used. If you ever go for anything more rare than this, this section is absolutely necessary. I'll ease up on you here just because it's for the ever common fish, but you will want to actually describe anything you put down next time around.
: Alakazam against Magikarp hardly seems fair. It doesn't even attack! If you look up his moves on any site, you'll see it knows more than just Splash. It also learns Tackle, Flail, and maybe another move. Although the battle is extremely one-sided, you could at least have the carp try and fight back. It could cause a wave to hit Alakazam and blind him temporarily, or something - just anything to make this more exciting.
: Magikarp Not Captured!
- Clean up the spelling and grammar, maybe put in more detail and I'll be happy to give this a different grade when you've done so.