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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 08-28-2009, 12:45 AM
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Default Journey Through the Worlds ~Chapter One completed~

This is where I have my preface and links to the chapters <3

"Journey Through the World": You meet our friend, Mew. She lives carefree with her friends in the Pokemon Universe. Among her powerful abilities, the most unique one is easily this: passing into different worlds. Mew can travel through different dimensions at will. One day while going about her merry way, she discovers a new pathway to a different universe. That universe contains the planet Earth and on Earth is the non-magical world and the wizarding world. There she makes new friends, new enemies and calls in favors of some...interesting old friends of hers. It soon becomes a race to find a certain girl, but when she is found, will she help them or destroy them? Find out as you meet these new characters and some old favorites from Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and more.


Chapter One: A Demented Squirrel and Voldemort




Note: Harry Potter, Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, Final Fantasy all belong to their respective owners (aka, not me).
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Old 08-28-2009, 12:46 AM
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Default Chapter One

Chapter One: A Demented Squirrel and Voldemort


I felt my heart race with mindless joy as I flitted through the canopy of vines above me. There was no special event to my happiness, I was just happy. Why wouldn't I be? I was a legendary Pokemon, one of the few left relatively undiscovered in the world. And I was free! To do as I wished, to explore, to use my powers as I saw fit, especially my unique ability to travel through different worlds as my leisure. Gateways to separate worlds are all over the place, you just have to let your mind go free, to wonder, relax and enjoy itself. Something most Pokemon and humans seem unable to do.

As I broke through the top of the thick forest, I paused. I could feel a slow itch in the back of my brain, meaning only one thing...Allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight, my gaze wondered over the vast jungle below me. There! Suspended in midair just above the middle of the undergrowth was a large gold and blue circle. Its colors swirled, twirling in a hypnotic pattern.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I floated through the air towards it. It was a portal to another world, though I had never seen gold in any of the portals I had visited. As I got within a few feet of the gateway, my hair stiffened. Something was wrong, this entryway was dangerous. I turned around, trying to push myself away from it, but I felt it start to tug at me, keeping me close to it. Looking back at the portal that was trying to suck me in, I gave a gasp of dismay mingled with anger. My tail! I had forgotten my long, pink tail. It had just touched the blur of blue and gold behind me. Desperately, I cried out, my voice screeching through the air, sending flocks of birds flying up from the jungle in startlement.

"No, you are not getting me," I hissed. I tried my vanishing trick, trying in vain to vanish from one spot to another. But no, whatever was in the portal would not allow me to do that. The tip of my tail was now fully submerged in the portal, anchoring me to the gateway. How could this happen to me? I wondered briefly as I shoved forward with all my strength. Doorways to other worlds never act like this and even if they did, I should be able to fight them, shouldn't I? All previous joy of the morning was gone, I was now a prisoner. A prisoner of this thing.

"Mew!" a deep voice yelled. Turning my head around so fast that I pulled a muscle, I looked to my side.

"Raden!" I screamed. Shamelessly, tears slid down my round cheeks. Flying at me with a look of horror on his face was my friend, Raden. A Charizard, one of the Fire Pokemon. Scarred orange scales cover his body, including his large, dragon-like wings. His one good eye looked concerned as he reached me, flipping himself on his back in midair to look at me.

"You seem...stuck," he said in his deep, reassuring voice. Even though I was still spiritedly fighting the portal, I had time to roll my eyes. Of course, Raden could not see nor sense gateways to other worlds.

"Just, no. I will explain later!"

Raden nodded, then he flipped himself around so his long, fat tail stuck itself in my face. I grabbed it, ignoring the ghost of a flame that burned on its tip. It wouldn't harm me, though it tickled quite a bit. To much, in fact.

"What on Poke'Earth are you laughing about, you demented pink squirrel!" Raden bellowed. He was using all of his considerable power to try and drag me forward, but to no avail. I was now halfway into the portal.

"Your flame is tickling me!" I laughed. "And I do not resemble a squirrel, thank you very much!" I felt this was totally true. Sure, I had hunches like a squirrel, but I was much bigger than one. Besides, my head was wider and more round, like a baby's face. My eyes were large, friendly violet orbs set into my face and I doubted any squirrel had soft pink hair covering her body. My oddly timed thoughts about my body image were interrupted by Raden.

"Would you hold on," the Charizard yelled. With a roar, he shoved himself forward as hard as he could. Sweat flew off his body to string my eyes.

"I am!" I replied, blinking rapidly to rid myself of the salty liquid. It was then it happened. My grip on the sweaty tail loosened. The tickling that came from the flame plus my mind wandering off had distracted me. Within seconds I lost the grip I had completely. "Raden!" I screamed.

"Mew--" he yelled out, trying to turn himself around, for he had shot forward the moment I lost him. The last thing I saw of my world was his panicked face as he flew towards an entryway he could see, feel or enter.
~~~
Part Two of Chapter One

A hare lay on the forest's dark floor. Its lifeless eyes staring up at the towering creature above it. With a grunt of disdain, the creature walked away from it, speaking as he went.

"Have a bite to eat, Nagini," the voice of the monster was as cold as ice. A long, thick snake stirred at her master's call. She had been basking in a shaft of light that had managed to fight its way through the thick trees. Now she slithered across the ground towards the poor rabbit.

The creature that controlled the snake was best known as Voldemort. "Creature" and "monster" would be the best way to describe him, as he really is the shadow of a man--a shadow that has no light in it, a thing of evil. Voldemort was taking a chance, walking out in the forest alone. He is one of the best wizards alive, of course, few could match him in a battle. However, even he could not handle hundreds of armed Aurors--wizarding police--all at once. The Aurors were looking for him, as he was Public Enemy #1. Yet still...he needed to get out of Malfoy Manor. Thinking had to be done, as did spells of such importance it would not do for his faithful followers to see him perform them.

Slowly Voldemort reached out a pale, spidery finger and curved it around his equally pale chin. His mind was filled with ideas and theories, all revolving around one person. And for once, that person was not a young boy by the name of Harry Potter. Potter had survived a killing curse years ago, rebounding it back on Voldemort and--while not killing him--rendered him useless for years. Until about two years ago, when Voldemort was able to regain strength. But no plots about the boy were in his head now.

His mind wandered on an unknown girl from a foreign land. He had learned interesting news concerning her about a month ago. Since then, more reports had surfaced speaking of the girl. For one of the few times in his life, Voldemort was completely puzzled. If the reports were true--and they were--then she was very unique. The question remained though, was she an enemy? Or an ally? And what would it take to make her an ally? But first, he had to be sure, he had to gather more information. Which was why he was in a lonely, damp forest in the middle of nowhere.

Pulling out a thin, elegant wand, Voldemort waveed it in a wide circle. Fifteen feet around him in every direction, a glimmer of light shone and then faded. Nobody could see or hear him now. He then drew a small oval on the forest ground. It shimmered for a minute before turning milky white. Slowly, ripples preceded from the middle of the oval until a young woman's face became clear.

Bright, excited gray eyes were set in a firm, stubborn face. Long black hair with streaks of electric green shone in the sunlight. The girl let out a laugh and then jumped out of the swing she had been on and ran across an old, worn-out playground. She only looks to be twenty, to old for playgrounds, Voldemort mused. He watched as her long legs covered the dirt floor of the playground quickly and then abruptly came to a stop. She was now talking rapidly to a short young man. Voldemort raised a non-existent eyebrow. The boy had ruffled blue hair, a ripped leather vest and sharp spike wristbands along his wrists.

As the tall, thin man that was Voldemort continued to watch the girl, the air behind him shook slightly. He was to engrossed in his spying to notice anything out of the ordinary though. Slowly, the air wobbled a little and then turned a light blue and clear gold. The tip of a vivid pink tail stuck through it. After a few moments, the portal shuddered and the rest of Mew came through. The Pokemon hovered in the air, getting used to the cooler air and darker surroundings.

Finally, Mew turned around and looked. A human in black robes with a dull, bald head was on his knees. He seemed to be peering at something shining on the ground. Silently, Mew floated over to him. Unknowingly to Voldemort, she looked down, watching the movements of the woman. While Voldemort, however, did not know a Pokemon from another world had just popped into being behind him, his snake did. A rapid hissing filled the air as Nagini zlid across the forest floor at Mew.

Mew yanked herself backwards as Voldemort lept up, pointing his wand at Mew. A stream of orange light came out of it which the pink Pokemon easily dodged.

"What are you?" hissed Voldemort, the hood of his robe falling backwards. Mew hung in the air for a minute, horrified. Voldemort was not only ghostly white, but his face was unlike any other humans. Scarlet eyes flashed, full of anger. No pupil could be seen in them. Two slits that were supposed to be nostrils flared over a thin, almost lip-less mouth.

"Mew," the Pokemon whispered. "Who are you? And what is the name of this world?"

"You dare not recognize me?" screeched the monster. "I am Voldemort, the greatest wizard to live. You are in the wizarding world."

"Wizarding world? That's what this planet is called?"

"No," sneered Voldemort, keeping his wand aimed on Mew. "I call it Earth."


--

A/N: This is the first chapter in Journey Through the Worlds. What do you think? =) I haven't done a fanfic in ages. Comments and critiques accepted
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  #3  
Old 08-28-2009, 03:04 AM
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Default Re: Chapter One

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Chapter One: A Demented Squirrel and Voldemort


I felt my heart race with mindless joy as I flitted through the canopy of vines above me. There was no special event to my happiness, I was just happy. Why wouldn't I be? I was a legendary Pokemon, one of the few left relatively undiscovered in the world. And I was free! To do as I wished, to explore, to use my powers as I saw fit, especially my unique ability to travel through different worlds as my leisure. Gateways to separate worlds are all over the place, you just have to let your mind go free, to wonder, relax and enjoy itself. Something most Pokemon and humans seem unable to do.

As I broke through the top of the thick forest, I paused. I could feel a slow itch in the back of my brain, meaning only one thing...Allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight, my gaze wondered over the vast jungle below me. There! Suspended in midair just above the middle of the undergrowth was a large gold and blue circle. Its colors swirled, twirling in a hypnotic pattern.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I floated through the air towards it. It was a portal to another world, though I had never seen gold in any of the portals I had visited. As I got within a few feet of the gateway, my hair stiffened. Something was wrong, this entryway was dangerous. I turned around, trying to push myself away from it, but I felt it start to tug at me, keeping me close to it. Looking back at the portal that was trying to suck me in, I gave a gasp of dismay mingled with anger. My tail! I had forgotten my long, pink tail. It had just touched the blur of blue and gold behind me. Desperately, I cried out, my voice screeching through the air, sending flocks of birds flying up from the jungle in startlement.

"No, you are not getting me," I hissed. I tried my vanishing trick, trying in vain to vanish from one spot to another. But no, whatever was in the portal would not allow me to do that. The tip of my tail was now fully submerged in the portal, anchoring me to the gateway. How could this happen to me? I wondered briefly as I shoved forward with all my strength. Doorways to other worlds never act like this and even if they did, I should be able to fight them, shouldn't I? All previous joy of the morning was gone, I was now a prisoner. A prisoner of this thing.

"Mew!" a deep voice yelled. Turning my head around so fast that I pulled a muscle, I looked to my side.

"Raden!" I screamed. Shamelessly, tears slid down my round cheeks. Flying at me with a look of horror on his face was my friend, Raden. A Charizard, one of the Fire Pokemon. Scarred orange scales cover his body, including his large, dragon-like wings. His one good eye looked concerned as he reached me, flipping himself on his back in midair to look at me.

"You seem...stuck," he said in his deep, reassuring voice. Even though I was still spiritedly fighting the portal, I had time to roll my eyes. Of course, Raden could not see nor sense gateways to other worlds.

"Just, no. I will explain later!"

Raden nodded, then he flipped himself around so his long, fat tail stuck itself in my face. I grabbed it, ignoring the ghost of a flame that burned on its tip. It wouldn't harm me, though it tickled quite a bit. To much, in fact.

"What on Poke'Earth are you laughing about, you demented pink squirrel!" Raden bellowed. He was using all of his considerable power to try and drag me forward, but to no avail. I was now halfway into the portal.

"Your flame is tickling me!" I laughed. "And I do not resemble a squirrel, thank you very much!" I felt this was totally true. Sure, I had hunches like a squirrel, but I was much bigger than one. Besides, my head was wider and more round, like a baby's face. My eyes were large, friendly violet orbs set into my face and I doubted any squirrel had soft pink hair covering her body. My oddly timed thoughts about my body image were interrupted by Raden.

"Would you hold on," the Charizard yelled. With a roar, he shoved himself forward as hard as he could. Sweat flew off his body to string my eyes.

"I am!" I replied, blinking rapidly to rid myself of the salty liquid. It was then it happened. My grip on the sweaty tail loosened. The tickling that came from the flame plus my mind wandering off had distracted me. Within seconds I lost the grip I had completely. "Raden!" I screamed.

"Mew--" he yelled out, trying to turn himself around, for he had shot forward the moment I lost him. The last thing I saw of my world was his panicked face as he flew towards an entryway he could see, feel or enter.
~~~
Part Two of Chapter One

A hare lay on the forest's dark floor. Its lifeless eyes staring up at the towering creature above it. With a grunt of disdain, the creature walked away from it, speaking as he went.

"Have a bite to eat, Nagini," the voice of the monster was as cold as ice. A long, thick snake stirred at her master's call. She had been basking in a shaft of light that had managed to fight its way through the thick trees. Now she slithered across the ground towards the poor rabbit.

The creature that controlled the snake was best known as Voldemort. "Creature" and "monster" would be the best way to describe him, as he really is the shadow of a man--a shadow that has no light in it, a thing of evil. Voldemort was taking a chance, walking out in the forest alone. He is one of the best wizards alive, of course, few could match him in a battle. However, even he could not handle hundreds of armed Aurors--wizarding police--all at once. The Aurors were looking for him, as he was Public Enemy #1. Yet still...he needed to get out of Malfoy Manor. Thinking had to be done, as did spells of such importance it would not do for his faithful followers to see him perform them.

Slowly Voldemort reached out a pale, spidery finger and curved it around his equally pale chin. His mind was filled with ideas and theories, all revolving around one person. And for once, that person was not a young boy by the name of Harry Potter. Potter had survived a killing curse years ago, rebounding it back on Voldemort and--while not killing him--rendered him useless for years. Until about two years ago, when Voldemort was able to regain strength. But no plots about the boy were in his head now.

His mind wandered on an unknown girl from a foreign land. He had learned interesting news concerning her about a month ago. Since then, more reports had surfaced speaking of the girl. For one of the few times in his life, Voldemort was completely puzzled. If the reports were true--and they were--then she was very unique. The question remained though, was she an enemy? Or an ally? And what would it take to make her an ally? But first, he had to be sure, he had to gather more information. Which was why he was in a lonely, damp forest in the middle of nowhere.

Pulling out a thin, elegant wand, Voldemort waveed it in a wide circle. Fifteen feet around him in every direction, a glimmer of light shone and then faded. Nobody could see or hear him now. He then drew a small oval on the forest ground. It shimmered for a minute before turning milky white. Slowly, ripples preceded from the middle of the oval until a young woman's face became clear.

Bright, excited gray eyes were set in a firm, stubborn face. Long black hair with streaks of electric green shone in the sunlight. The girl let out a laugh and then jumped out of the swing she had been on and ran across an old, worn-out playground. She only looks to be twenty, to old for playgrounds, Voldemort mused. He watched as her long legs covered the dirt floor of the playground quickly and then abruptly came to a stop. She was now talking rapidly to a short young man. Voldemort raised a non-existent eyebrow. The boy had ruffled blue hair, a ripped leather vest and sharp spike wristbands along his wrists.

As the tall, thin man that was Voldemort continued to watch the girl, the air behind him shook slightly. He was to engrossed in his spying to notice anything out of the ordinary though. Slowly, the air wobbled a little and then turned a light blue and clear gold. The tip of a vivid pink tail stuck through it. After a few moments, the portal shuddered and the rest of Mew came through. The Pokemon hovered in the air, getting used to the cooler air and darker surroundings.

Finally, Mew turned around and looked. A human in black robes with a dull, bald head was on his knees. He seemed to be peering at something shining on the ground. Silently, Mew floated over to him. Unknowingly to Voldemort, she looked down, watching the movements of the woman. While Voldemort, however, did not know a Pokemon from another world had just popped into being behind him, his snake did. A rapid hissing filled the air as Nagini zlid across the forest floor at Mew.

Mew yanked herself backwards as Voldemort lept up, pointing his wand at Mew. A stream of orange light came out of it which the pink Pokemon easily dodged.

"What are you?" hissed Voldemort, the hood of his robe falling backwards. Mew hung in the air for a minute, horrified. Voldemort was not only ghostly white, but his face was unlike any other humans. Scarlet eyes flashed, full of anger. No pupil could be seen in them. Two slits that were supposed to be nostrils flared over a thin, almost lip-less mouth.

"Mew," the Pokemon whispered. "Who are you? And what is the name of this world?"

"You dare not recognize me?" screeched the monster. "I am Voldemort, the greatest wizard to live. You are in the wizarding world."

"Wizarding world? That's what this planet is called?"

"No," sneered Voldemort, keeping his wand aimed on Mew. "I call it Earth."


--

A/N: This is the first chapter in Journey Through the Worlds. What do you think? =) I haven't done a fanfic in ages. Comments and critiques accepted
Awesome Work. This is going to be a mixed fic i'll be looking out for!
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Old 09-04-2009, 01:28 PM
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Default Re: Chapter One

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
To much, in fact.
Should be 'Too'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
"What on Poke'Earth are you laughing about, you demented pink squirrel!"
Now, is this supposed to be the accent above the 'e'? Because you never, ever put apostrophes. It's a different character, letter. Here: é. Use that instead. xD Also, should PokéEarth be one word? :O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
"Would you hold on," the Charizard yelled.
I believe this should end with a question mark--hence the question. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Sweat flew off his body to string my eyes.
I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be 'sting'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
The last thing I saw of my world was his panicked face as he flew towards an entryway he could see, feel or enter.
Uhh, should be: "towards an entryway he couldn't see, feel or enter". x3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
A hare lay on the forest's dark floor. Its lifeless eyes staring up at the towering creature above it.
This should be one sentence, or else make it 'stared' instead of 'staring'. 'Staring' could only work if the sentence was one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Now she slithered across the ground towards the poor rabbit.
Mm, I know they're similar, but I'm pretty sure rabbits and hares are different. Also, 'Now' is not necessary. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
"Creature" and "monster" would be the best way to describe him, as he really is the shadow of a man--a shadow that has no light in it, a thing of evil.
Keep to past tense, remember. Change 'is' to 'was'. :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
He is one of the best wizards alive, of course, few could match him in a battle.
Again with the 'is' 'was' thing, and I'd make the comma after 'course' a semi colon because the following words form a sentence of their own, and a semi colon would be more appropriate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
The Aurors were looking for him, as he was Public Enemy #1.
You're not really supposed to use figures like this in stories, but it's not someone talking, so it may be different. I'd suggest slightly rewording the sentence so it says something like:
"The Aurors were looking for him, as he was first on their Public Enemy list" or something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
The question remained though, was she an enemy? Or an ally? And what would it take to make her an ally?
I reckon, instead of the comma, it should be two hyphens or a colon. 'Cause then it dignifies that it's a question. "Or an ally?" would be much better off as the same sentence, or just having "An ally?" on its own would be better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Pulling out a thin, elegant wand, Voldemort waveed it in a wide circle.
*waved

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
The girl let out a laugh and then jumped out of the swing she had been on and ran across an old, worn-out playground. She only looks to be twenty, to old for playgrounds,
Should be 'too'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
He was to engrossed in his spying to notice anything out of the ordinary though.
*too

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
A rapid hissing filled the air as Nagini zlid across the forest floor at Mew.
*slid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Mew yanked herself backwards as Voldemort lept up, pointing his wand at Mew.
Should be 'leapt'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoness View Post
Voldemort was not only ghostly white, but his face was unlike any other humans.
Since this is possessive, it needs to be human's

Interesting. ^^ I thought first how strange it was for Mew to suddenly find a random portal that is sitting in the middle of nowhere, but when I figured out that she was the only one would could see, sense and enter portals, I thought of it to be a good idea. ^^ I enjoyed the emotion and description you put into the first two paragraphs, and it was good of you to set the scene and introduce Mew. You could have added more to the descriptions of Mew and Raden, and also the snake and the hare, but at least you described them briefly. ^^

You have a problem with 'to' and 'too'. Seems to me like 'too' doesn't exist in your world. xD 'Too' is used when it's 'too much' or 'he was happy, too'. 'To' is used for 'he went to the market', or 'give this to Charlie'. 'Too' is generally used in situations involving quantities, like how Voldemort was too engrossed (quantity in a way).

You also have this thing where you tend to cut up your sentences sometimes. Make sure the following sentence sounds better on its own and that it can't be joined with the previous sentence. But overall, your writing it pretty good, and there weren't too many mistakes. ^^ Just a few typos here and there and then the repeated mistake.

You almost set the scene in the dark, creepy forest Voldemort was in, but you could have done better by perhaps describing surrounding trees and maybe dark clouds. Also, what time of the day was it? :O Something I didn't pick out--it could have been night (not Mew's forest, though).

Well done so far, and this idea seems really interesting. ^^ Personally, I don't play Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy simply because I don't have access to them really, but I'm sure I'll be able to follow. ^^ I also like how Mew's a female. :D Too many times it's been male.

~Xanthe.
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