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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #16  
Old 10-11-2009, 05:48 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShionRasenka View Post
Okies Kat ^^ Yeah, and it's the same in RL. So many people are just too caught in their own issues to see the big picture, and it can sometimes cause problems for others, whether intentional or not. I wish people could just get along more in the world.... *sigh* Well, maybe that day will come in the future.

Anyways, I'm definitely staying tuned, I can't wait to read the next chapter!!! I'm plotting my own story, so you might wanna check it out once I get it put up! ^^
Yeah, I know what you mean. Some people may not realize it, but by trying to stay in your own little world and issues, you're hurting people as though you were trying to mess in their issues. That's something the Legends will realize as the story goes on.

And I'll definitely read your fan fic once you post it. I have no idea how much I've said this to my friends, but with marching season over in a week, I'll actually have more free time after school to do stuff like reading fan fics, drawing, and writing. xD

- Kat
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  #17  
Old 10-11-2009, 07:40 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

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Originally Posted by Phantom Kat View Post
Yeah, I know what you mean. Some people may not realize it, but by trying to stay in your own little world and issues, you're hurting people as though you were trying to mess in their issues. That's something the Legends will realize as the story goes on.

And I'll definitely read your fan fic once you post it. I have no idea how much I've said this to my friends, but with marching season over in a week, I'll actually have more free time after school to do stuff like reading fan fics, drawing, and writing. xD

- Kat
Yeah, I totally agree. People don't often think about what their actions can do to others. It may not seem like a big deal at the time, but in the long run it could turn into a big deal.

And yay, another reader in the wings!! I've already got several willing to read it, so I'm excited to have another. I'll be posting an announcement as well an excerpt in the Aurthor's Corner so people can get an idea of what my story's about.
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  #18  
Old 10-11-2009, 11:59 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

This story proves that you can return to basic Fanfiction from URPG stories without a hitch in your step. I think you've got a very good start here. I'm not a big fan of Legendaries in stories, but you've managed to draw me in with yours, and I like that.

I only have a few criticisms, though... First, and though it's really nothing major, the beginning was a bit off-putting. You initiate the story with a very.. I don't know the word, like, outsider view of it, as if someone is watching the scene unfold. Then, you abruptly jump into describing what Deoxys is feeling and telling it from a personal standpoint. It's not wrong, exactly, and I can't really think of a way to fix it (other than separating the parts before and after Deoxys emerges, which also would have been a little awkward, as the "before" was pretty short) ... Sorry. I'm just rambling now. D:

Second, I think it might have worked better if Deoxys had done something before being apprehended by Mew. For instance, he could have caused a small forest fire or disrupted the town or something. An act like that would have given substance to the suspicions of some of the Legendaries that Deoxys is a dangerous creature, instead of them just being naturally suspicious. Mew says, "We've been watching you" when, really, there was nothing for them to have been watching other than Deoxys emerge from the comet.

Otherwise, I think you've set yourself up for a pretty darn good story. I'll be sure to keep an eye on this and offer some helpful critiques in the future. ;D

EDIT: Oh, and:
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He bet his tentacles that he wasn’t.
LOL! <3
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  #19  
Old 10-12-2009, 06:40 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryce View Post
This story proves that you can return to basic Fanfiction from URPG stories without a hitch in your step. I think you've got a very good start here. I'm not a big fan of Legendaries in stories, but you've managed to draw me in with yours, and I like that.

I only have a few criticisms, though... First, and though it's really nothing major, the beginning was a bit off-putting. You initiate the story with a very.. I don't know the word, like, outsider view of it, as if someone is watching the scene unfold. Then, you abruptly jump into describing what Deoxys is feeling and telling it from a personal standpoint. It's not wrong, exactly, and I can't really think of a way to fix it (other than separating the parts before and after Deoxys emerges, which also would have been a little awkward, as the "before" was pretty short) ... Sorry. I'm just rambling now. D:

Second, I think it might have worked better if Deoxys had done something before being apprehended by Mew. For instance, he could have caused a small forest fire or disrupted the town or something. An act like that would have given substance to the suspicions of some of the Legendaries that Deoxys is a dangerous creature, instead of them just being naturally suspicious. Mew says, "We've been watching you" when, really, there was nothing for them to have been watching other than Deoxys emerge from the comet.

Otherwise, I think you've set yourself up for a pretty darn good story. I'll be sure to keep an eye on this and offer some helpful critiques in the future. ;D

EDIT: Oh, and:


LOL! <3
I'm actually a bit surprised that you decided to drop in and read. I didn't think that this would be your cup of tea, even if it was well written. ^^; And I was actually worried if all that time writing URPG stories was going to hinder me (although all those URPG stories helped me with the ending battle xP).

In the beginning, I was actually planning on having Deoxys cause a commotion in LaRousse, but I'm not exactly sure why I decided to take that out. Either way, though, in a way, I'm happy with how some of the Legends immediately thought him dangerous without actually seeing him do anything. After I finish Chapter 2, I'll see if I do want to add a commotion scene because I do see what you mean.

And about very beginning of the chapter, I guess it's just taste because I'm happy with how it came out.

Also, the plot of this story inspired the plot for "Time Stood Still" (at the time, I didn't think I would actually go through with writing this fan fic). Remember what happened to that world? You can expect something like that in this one, although not as severe.

lol Deoxys has a sense of humor.

I hope you keep reading, Bryce because it's going to get better and any critique you offer will help. :D

- Kat
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  #20  
Old 10-12-2009, 11:41 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

Cool story, P-Kat! Check out mine, cause I've got Chapter 2 up!
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  #21  
Old 10-17-2009, 07:43 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

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Cool story, P-Kat! Check out mine, cause I've got Chapter 2 up!
Thank you! Any part you liked in particular?

Chapter 2 is done, guys. I'm surprised it was as long as it was (eleven pages) seeing as most of it is discussion between the Council and a new, important character. It should be up tomorrow since that's when I'll have time to proofread it. Also, seeing as marching band season is over today (D; it went by so fast), I'll have A LOT more time to write. ^^

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- Kat
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  #22  
Old 10-17-2009, 10:01 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

:D I really liked it, I never thought I could survive through something that long but I loved it!
Darkrai: Darn humans loving stories *grumbles on*
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  #23  
Old 10-17-2009, 10:45 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantom Kat View Post
Thank you! Any part you liked in particular?

Chapter 2 is done, guys. I'm surprised it was as long as it was (eleven pages) seeing as most of it is discussion between the Council and a new, important character. It should be up tomorrow since that's when I'll have time to proofread it. Also, seeing as marching band season is over today (D; it went by so fast), I'll have A LOT more time to write. ^^

*points at smashing banner Emma did for me in signature*

- Kat
Awesome, I'll definitely have to read!! I might have time to read a little in the morning before I leave for church, and I'll finish reading the rest when I get back!! Can't wait to read it Kat!!!
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  #24  
Old 10-18-2009, 11:28 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 1 Up!)

Chapter 2

Proposition and Consequence


For a while, silence reigned over Arceus’ Chamber. The Legendaries looked at each other in mute shock before redirecting their gazes at the spot their father had disappeared from. None of them really thought that Deoxys was capable of such power, even when they considered the fact that he had survived a travel through space. To break through Mew’s barrier (or obliterate it, as some of them saw it) was something only a select few could hope to manage. And then, they realized with a start, he had enough power still to hold his own against Rayquaza, the most ruthless of their brethren. It wasn’t until the psychic remnants of Arceus’ portal settled to the floor and disappeared that a deity finally spoke.

“That alien,” Ho-Oh managed to say, her regal features stuck somewhere between fury and awe. “That alien…” She trailed off, not knowing how to put what just happened into words. Instead, Ho-Oh straightened and screeched to her kin, “See what this Deoxys is capable of?! He bypassed Mew’s barrier, faced Rayquaza, and lived to tell about it!” Lugia quieted his sister and decided to continue the declaration in a calmer manner.

“Deoxys is powerful. Dare I say it, as powerful as some of us here. Now that we know what he’s capable of, do we still want him on Earth?”

The trio master directed his last question towards Mew and Celebi, the only ones not gathered around the center. Now, though, both pixies rose into the air and hovered above their siblings. The creases in their brows and the firmness of their chins had not changed since Arceus named them the Council’s temporary leaders.

“Do you not see?” Mew asked of his brothers and sisters with a slight shake of his head. “Did you not hear Arceus’ words as he projected them to our minds? Deoxys’ fate has already been sealed; Father decided upon having the alien join us as a Pokémon. Is there any use in foregoing this meaningless debate?”

None could deny Arceus’ words just as no one could deny his fatherly nature. With what Deoxys had been through, Arceus was sure to treat him as his own child; even some of the Legends sympathized for Deoxys’ wounds and shook their heads at their brother’s horribly violent nature.

“Now,” Celebi announced, stoic expression morphing into a satisfied smirk. “Mew and I have a more pressing matter to attend to, one that involves humans rather than Pokémon. I am, of course, talking about Purgatory.”

With all eyes on her, the time manipulator ascended and seated herself on a pillar’s top. Feeling very much like a queen upon her throne, she nonchalantly waved a hand in the air. “Purgatory, as we all know, is a world separate from our fair Heaven,” Celebi motioned to the Hall of Origin, the center of the world above the clouds, “and from Earth.”

As Mew joined Celebi at her side, Jirachi floated back towards the shadows and pursed her lips in disapproval. They were delivering their “proposal” as though reciting a script. Exactly for how long were they thinking about this?

“Purgatory,” Mew continued, unaware of the wish granter’s thoughts, “is used to hold human souls until their one-on-one Judgment with Arceus. Will they be reincarnated as humans, as Pokémon, forced to be the servants of Death’s minions, allowed permanent residence in Heaven, or destroyed?”

Mew’s becoming playful, Jirachi noted, the pillars’ shadows hiding her scowl. Which means he’s enjoying whatever they’re planning.

“However, despite the efforts of Arceus, Death, and his Dusknoir guards,” contempt rang when Mew mentioned the Grim Reaper then quickly disappeared, “too many souls are accumulated in the dimension, and with more and more humans dying in their Region War in Johto, souls are going to spend centuries in Purgatory. Those of sinful humans get worse, and those of the pure are stained by them.”

“Our proposition,” Celebi picked off before the Legendaries could speak, “is to destroy those sinful souls without Arceus’ Judgment, thus sparing the pure and keeping Purgatory orderly.”

Jirachi could feel her jaw dropping open in shock and outrage. Before she banish the surprise and react, Darkrai chuckled hollowly.

“I must say,” he remarked, sounding as gleeful and snide as Celebi had moments ago. “That has to be the most remarkable idea either of you have ever proposed.”

Cresselia frowned at the smile her counterpart wore. Their relationship had always been shaky, for their views conflicted since their creation, and now, she cocked her head with a cynical glare. “Enlighten me on exactly how this idea is so magnificent,” she commanded dryly.

The Dark-type didn’t miss the look. Instead of countering with his own, sarcastic remark, he spoke while motioning with his hands, “A sinful soul will always be a sinful human, even when their memories are wiped when reincarnated.” It wasn’t fact but merely his opinion. To his advantage, it was also Cresselia’s, who always looked out for humanity to try and keep them all as pure as possible. “Do you want those sinful souls to be reincarnated again and again to plague towns and cities? If what Mew says is true, pure souls will turn sinful in Purgatory, which will just make this cycle deadlier.”

The Lunar Pokémon, for the first time in a long while, could not find something in Darkrai’s words to complain or correct. Cresselia tilted her head in thought until she finally found the words she was looking for. She agreed with everything he said, but that didn’t mean she had to admit it so bluntly. “There might be truth to your words, Darkrai,” she carefully said (Cresselia saw the Pitch-Black Pokémon give an all-knowing grin). “But how do we go about deciding which souls have sinned? Arceus has been the solve giver of Judgments since time began.”

Again Jirachi opened her mouth to speak, and again her chance was snatched away.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Ho-Oh asked loudly, slightly annoyed. “Mew and Celebi have already thought about that. They are the ones who are going to make those extra Judgments. Arceus is likely to say yes, seeing as how they are his first created.”

“Do you have any other candidates in mind?” Mew offered, arms crossed.

The phoenix chuckled and shook her head. “No I don’t, so you don’t have to get off your pedestal. As long as you don’t get rid of half of Purgatory’s population at once, I have no qualms.”

“Yes,” Cresselia agreed. “As long as the sinning souls are disposed of with no mass wipeout, I suspect that this will be very beneficial.”

“Sounds good, sounds good,” Manaphy chorused, no longer quiet now that the majority of the Legendaries agreed. She admired her older brothers and sisters and trusted their judgment more than her own.

“Enough! Absolutely not!” Jirachi finally cried, her long, butterscotch tassels billowing behind her like flames when she soared to the center of the chamber. Jirachi locked her eyes with Mew and Celebi (both unaffected by the dragger-like glare) and then to the rest of the Council. “You are proposing to destroy souls, what Arceus reserves only for the truly horrible, to simply stop them from mingling with the ones you consider pure?! We cannot, will not, resort to a holocaust because of bias.”

The dual-type looked over to Shaymin, who was staring up at her with wide, green eyes. Jirachi’s confidence waned at the sight. Yes, her Grass-type friend was shy and timid when among the oldest Legendaries, but she still expected her to back her up. Still, Jirachi’s determined voice rang when she demanded, “Do you, Shaymin, also see that this is not the way to fix Purgatory? That this is a crazy notion!”

Though her snow-white face hid it well, the Gratitude Pokémon blanched. Shell-shocked, her stare automatically went to the two Legends running the show. Mew and Celebi simultaneously raised brows, challenging the smallest of their siblings to defy them. Their cold, stony expressions made Shaymin shirk back. They were centuries older than her, and every wise and powerful year shone in their narrowed eyes. Young and inexperienced as she was, was it smart to speak against them?

“Shaymin…”

Turning, the hedgehog met Jirachi’s amber eyes. It wasn’t the betrayal in them that stung her heart but the plead that laid in their depths. To see Jirachi so vulnerable and knowing she was the cause was too much for Shaymin to bear. She guiltily lowered her eyes and said nothing.

“I will inform Arceus of our decision, then,” Mew announced. “Sinned souls will be Judged and disposed off in an orderly manner to bring order to Purgatory.” He paused and glanced at the chamber’s occupants. “This meeting is over. Thank you all for your time.”

Shaymin looked up, an apology forming on her lips, but Jirachi had already teleported away without a simple farewell.

_____

Jirachi had never been one for violence, but the moment she got away from Heaven, she wanted to slam her fist against a wall again and again until it crumbled. Frustration, betrayal, and anger coursed through her veins like white fire, making the two wish tags on her headdress tremble. Fisting her hands, the Legend took a couple of deep breaths and calmed down. She was not Rayquaza or Ho-Oh, who resorted to violence when faced with blood-boiling situations. Jirachi was calm, level-headed, and dealt with problems in a rational manner.

With that mindset, the Steel-type looked around her, slightly comforted by the cave she called home sweet home. But again, she didn’t want to wallow in her emotions. There was a half-formed plan weaving in between her thoughts, one that she would have called desperate at any other time, and going through with it might help solve this mess. Jirachi flew past the glowing, green crystals embedded in the rocky walls, past the trickle of water that filled the small pond at the center of her home, and to the forest outside. Flying through the tree canopies that hid the cave entrance, she hovered at the edge of the thick forest.

Morning was breaking on the horizon, but the cluster of trees and their leafy foliage blocked out the thin rays of growing sunlight. The giant, deathly-still grass was covered in shadows as dark as the nearly-black trunks of the trees. Somewhere among all of the plants, there were Bug Pokémon; she could hear their morning chatter all around, like a never-ending symphony that did not want to be found. If the overgrown canopies didn’t cast enough of a shadow, the mountain in which her home was carved into blanketed the area in velvet-black.

“I’ll be back,” she told the forest and its unseen singers. A small part of her didn’t even want to go. It would be so easy to just go along with the rest of the Legends’ decision.

Then Jirachi remembered the conniving glint in Mew and Celebi’s eyes and dismissed the ridiculous idea.

She breathed in the smell of oak and rot before holding her short hands before her. Jirachi called upon every star, every moon, and every galaxy hidden behind the sun’s glare into the tips of her fingers. Power she had only wielded a handful of times flooded into her palms, lighting them up like miniature suns. Closing her eyes, the psychic envisioned the invisible veil that separated Earth from her destination. With the celestial energy in her hands, she brushed her fingers against the air and could feel the barrier. She felt death, sin, and the purity of all the souls that had passed from this world to the next. Goosebumps rose all along her arms; her wish tags stood on end.

Jirachi moved her hands counterclockwise, tracing a circle to carefully undo the seams of the barrier. Although her ability to manipulate space allowed her to do so, the barrier still fought her, screaming, You are not Death! You are not his servants! Why do you wish to enter, stranger? But she kept on until she had completed the portal and left her home to enter Purgatory.

“I will not be long,” she told the portal. Through the beads of sweat that trickled down her forehead and into her eyes, she saw the tattered edges of the veil flapping, revealing and obscuring the forest scenery on the other side. With some flicks of her wrist, the edges slithered to the center of the opening and wound around themselves until only the light of Earth could be seen through the cracks. Though it was safer, she dared not completely close it; what if she was too tired to create a new portal after her business was taken cared of?

It wasn’t until she was sure that the gap between Purgatory and Earth was strong enough to keep souls and Pokémon out yet weak enough for someone of her power to re-open it without too much trouble that she noticed the odd sheen of red on her hands. Startled, she turned them but found it wasn’t blood. When the glow was seen on her abdomen and legs, Jirachi was quick enough to figure out that the source of color was coming from up above.

A scarlet and orange sky greeted her to this strange and new dimension. The wisps of gray that never seemed to move did nothing to remind her of the sky on Earth. Shaking her head to clear the cobwebs of gloom from her thoughts, Jirachi looked at either side of her. To her right, she saw a mountain range that she could not help but compare to Rayquaza’s fangs: sharp and a blood-stained garnet. Beneath the landmarks, there was nothing but barren fields of hard, cracked earth.

While the scene on the left wasn’t much better, there was some kind of spiral that reached for the sky. The hesitant Pokémon took off in that direction, knowing from talks with Arceus that Death lived in a tower of some sort. The flight was dreary and tedious, as there was nothing to see except mile after mile of desolate land. Once or twice, she could have sworn that she saw a human walking below her, but upon a second glance, the wandering soul was gone like the nonexistent wind in Purgatory. As though to reassure her that she wasn’t going crazy, she spotted Dusclops guards every couple of minutes. Their gray, stocky bodies stuck out like sore thumbs over the yellow plains.

At least they’re always there in case I need directions, she couldn’t help but think tartly. She had spent less than an hour in Purgatory and already the scenery (or lack thereof) annoyed her to no end. She loved lush, secluded forests and the freeness of outer space, not this dimension that made her feel as though she was trapped in some twisted, frozen hourglass.

With no warning, the flat desert beneath her dipped to form a large and deep valley. Here, she saw souls, all of them in the guises of the humans they once were, walking around the village hidden in the deep bowl of earth. Jirachi, startled by the sight of the wooden houses, complete with fences, gardens, and mailboxes, stopped dead in her tracks. If it wasn’t for the gruesome sky, the parched terrain, and the Dusclops guards and their servants around every corner, she would have thought she had accidentally taken a wrong turn and ended up back on Earth. Things like leisure conversations going on in the streets and kids playing in their yards could be seen everywhere. They had work buildings, churches, and schools (all of them worn and weather-beaten as though they had been taken straight from their places on Earth) to allow them to live life as they would have before their deaths. The souls didn’t even seem to see the guards or the world they lived in as they went about their “lives.”

All of it boggled the Legendary’s mind until she focused on the tower at the far end of the valley. Flying above houses and buildings, she reached the odd structure. With stones a decaying gray, it started normally enough with a thick, wooden door built into the cylindrical base. When she slowly flew up, the tower veered off to the right, then to the left, then back again like a drunken serpent. In the process, the tower walls ranged from missing some bricks to having nothing but the twisting, stone stairwell inside. Jirachi shot towards the room on the tower’s tip, which was curiously enough intact (even the pointed roof had most of its dusty-red shingles). Dodging the bricks that had decided to separate from the walls and stairwell to float around, she perched on the sole window of the room. Unsure of how to announce her presence, she tried knocking on the stone, but when she heard the knock was quieter than a pin drop, Jirachi decided to call out into the dark room.

“Hello?” she tried. “I’m sorry to disturb you, Death, but I need to urgently talk to you. It’s of grave importance.”

There was no answer. Jirachi leaned in, squinting against the overwhelming gloom that covered every inch of the place. Other than a faint, metallic glint in one of the walls, there was nothing but black, black, and more black.

“Hello?” the Legendary repeated, more hesitant than ever.

Again, only silence answered. Putting a hand against the window’s edge and the other on her forehead, Jirachi mentally slapped herself for her stupidity. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that Death might be out collecting souls or attending pressing matters in other parts of Purgatory. She might be waiting for weeks, even months, for him to return; she could already imagine countless souls destroyed by that time.
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  #25  
Old 10-18-2009, 11:33 PM
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“Yes?”

With a yelp, Jirachi jumped back from the Pokémon that suddenly materialized in her face. Almost tripping on her tassels, she gripped the side of the window and straightened herself with as much dignity as someone who had just been scared senseless could muster.

“Good day,” she greeted the phantom inside the room. The red eye centered in his cylindrical head narrowed as the three silver spikes on either side of his neck flared out; he was not happy. He rose higher into the air, exposing his rotund, dark gray stomach and the golden zigzag on it that stretched into a frown. Getting a glare from both his ruby eye and the two yellow ones on his abdomen, Jirachi decided to square her shoulders and respond with her own, firm look.

“Death,” Jirachi addressed the Dusknoir. “I have something urgent to discuss with you. It has to do with something the Council of Legends agreed upon no more than a few hours ago. I-”

“I have no interest in talking with you, Jirachi,” Death told her. He turned and flapped a thick, gray hand to her as parting. “Good day to you, too,” he added sarcastically.

Jirachi grinded her teeth at the slap to the face. She was not going to tolerate another dismissal. Soaring into the room after him, she pointed a finger at the ghost’s back and barked, “Death, this is a serious matter that cannot be ignored!” When he did not turn, the space wielder ordered in a booming yell, “Halt and face me, Death! Do not walk away from a Legend!”

The Ghost-type obeyed, though his grinning eye and the short laugh that echoed from deep within his stomach still taunted her. “Jirachi, you have no right to call yourself a Legend while Purgatory is in this state. Do you see forests and meadows from where Shaymin has blessed the land with her power? Are there any stars that you and Cresselia have put or any oceans that Lugia has brought forth with his rains? You and your ilk are just hatchlings with power.”

“This is not Earth,” the dual-type hotly responded.

“The souls that reside here think it is,” was the reply. Dusknoir approached her, only to pass by and peer out the window. Jirachi turned and looked on from behind, watching the wandering dots below. “There are houses and buildings to try and simulate their past lives on Earth. We have even created illusions of a soul’s family and loved ones to fool them further. Throughout their stay, they believe they have never left Earth. In this manner, when their time to be Judged finally comes, they will be as though they barely moved on. Or so, that was the plan.”

Here, he glanced at her, sadness softening his glare. “Eventually, some notice the lack of weather, of changing seasons, and life beyond them. Eventually, they come to realize that this is not Earth and that they have died. They call it ‘Hell’ and make their way out of their settlements and into the open land. Most of the time, my guards manage to return them and enchant them anew. Other times, souls are lost in the harsh vastness of Purgatory. Of course, when their Judgment comes, Arceus always manages to find them. By that time, they have wallowed in their ill discoveries for many long years, however.”

Entranced by the oblivious souls, Jirachi shook her head and sighed. “I never knew that. I always thought… Never imagined…” She trailed off, shook her head at her own folly, and turned to the melancholy reaper. Death began to wander back into the room, which Jirachi now saw was bare for anything but a scythe hanging on a wall; it’s curved blade had been the shine she had seen earlier.

“I came here to help, Death,” she began again, drifting a few steps behind him. “The Council of Legends, or rather, Mew and Celebi, intend to steadily wipe out those souls they think of as sinned; they believe Purgatory is too crowded and unorganized. I am afraid that Arceus will agree to this because they are his oldest children and thus, the wisest. Is there anything you can say or do to prevent this?” Her voice had dropped an octave when she began her plead. “It seems that I’m the only one who objects, and my voice goes ignored without anybody else’s to aid me. I have no doubt in mind that this will end badly for the human race.”

Death’s eye narrowed. “It’s true that Purgatory becomes crowded, even with other settlements besides this one spread throughout the dimension. Dusknoir guards are only used to make sure no rips in the barrier occur and to keep the souls in their proper areas. They do not have the power that I do, the power to lay enchantments needed to raise the land for a new settlement. I would create many more if my job of collecting souls did not drain my power and time. Even now, though I’m here, I can do nothing more than teleport.”

Jirachi raised a hopeful brow. “So if a Legendary was able to have your powers, this crisis could be solved? With more homes and room for the souls, could we avoid this looming catastrophe?”

With a sigh that was half sad, half frustrated, the ghost laid a hand on the hanging scythe and said, “I’m sorry, but I do not trust a Legendary to wield this power. Purgatory is my domain, and I will rule it only beside a being who will follow my orders and nobody else’s. They need to be loyal, trustworthy, and most of all, understand the true value of power and responsibility.” Death traced the two, v-shaped cuts engraved on the edge of the scythe’s blade then ran his fingers down the four-foot-long ebony handle. “I have this made and waiting for the soul that I deem worthy to be all of that, but no one of that nature has come.”

Deflated, the space Legendary asked, “Is that the only way you would be able to prevent this mess?”

“There’s nothing else I can do. The Council has made up its mind.” When Death saw Jirachi lean against the wall, drained from everything she had to endure that day, he floated up to her. “Is there anybody else who disagrees with this?”

The Psychic-type looked up, surprised to see Death sympathetically staring down at her. She only answered with a mumbled, “I’m sure that Shaymin shares my opinion; I could see it in her eyes, but she’s much too timid to talk against Mew and Celebi.” The harsh thorn of betrayal dug into her heart.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that there are truly Legendaries out there who are not wrapped up in their own issues, even if they do not speak out,” the Grim Reaper admitted. At the smile she heard weaving through his words, Jirachi faced him again and realized he wasn’t as cold as she previously thought. The face on Death’s stomach didn’t seem as angry, and that harsh shine to his eye was gone. “I apologize for assuming you were one.”

As much as the words chased away the ill feeling of betrayal, Jirachi dismissed them with a weak wave of her hand. “You were right to assume. Like you said, look at this place! No stars, no moon, no atmosphere, all of the things I could have created centuries ago are absent. It’s my responsibility to take care of Pokémon and humans alike, even when Earth is no longer their home, and I did not uphold to my duties.”

“It’s never too late to start,” Death advised. “You can still give Purgatory and its residents all of that.”

“But first I have to sort Mew and Celebi’s mess out!” she cut in, again anxious. Jirachi now hovered above him and glanced out the tower’s window. “No matter what it takes.”

“What do you plan to do?” Death probed. He unhooked the scythe from the wall and began to skillfully swing it about. It was a habit he had formed over the past century. The paranoia that the perfect assistant would come yet the scythe would be dull and powerless, unable to be used, haunted him like a nightmare. As he inspected the ivory skull nestled at the top, Jirachi looked away from the hollowed, pitch-black eye sockets.

“Talk to Arceus about alternate ways to improve Purgatory’s state,” she answered. “Either he wasn’t aware of what we Legends can do for this dimension or he neglected to mention it, he will listen. He might also be willing to help with finding you an assistant.” Jirachi bowed and said, “Thank you for your help.”

The reaper met her eyes. “Go fulfill your duty, Legend.” He closed his eye and nodded towards her. “Though I am powerless, I feel not all is lost for the souls in Purgatory.”

His version of a compliment, Jirachi realized with a small smirk.

With a wave, the psychic flew out the window. When her tassels fluttered out of sight, Death took one last look at his scythe and placed it back on its hook on the wall. He was sure that one day, it would be in hands other than his own. Until then, he would rule over Purgatory with nobody but his shadow at his side.

_____

Sitting on the ledge of a mountain so much more different than the one back home, Jirachi could see the Purgatory village in the distance. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the faint glow of power that kept the barrier rip from opening. It was so close, but in a way, it was so far from her grasp.

With a short flight, she could be back on Earth, in her cave, or soaring through the skies to find Arceus.

Yet something compelled her to stay.

Jirachi glanced at the ruby and orange sky and couldn’t help but compare it to a melancholy sunset. With the clouds never moving and the harsh glare forever beating down on the hardened plains, she truly wondered whether this dimension was frozen in time. Leaning back, she immediately straightened when she felt the sharp rocks protruding from the mountain’s rocky, garnet surface.

“This is so different from Heaven and Earth,” she thought aloud.

What must it feel like to look up and see no moon or sun? That, more than anything, made Jirachi shiver. Didn’t these souls deserve the same world as the souls in Heaven? Didn’t they have the right to live under a cluster of stars and a joyous sun just as those deemed worthy enough to live in an internal paradise did?

Yes, she answered her question. Yes they do.

“Where have you been hidden?” Jirachi asked the forsaken world. “I could have helped sooner.”

“You! Up there!”

The wish granter grasped the edge of the ledge and looked down. Ten-feet below was the madly waving figure of a male soul. When the Pokémon just continued to stare, he jumped up and down and resumed his shouting.

“You! Legend! There’s something you need to know!”

“What is it?” Jirachi questioned, coming down. “And how did you kn-?”

“Never mind that!” the man shouted. He adjusted his collapsing top hat over his sandy-brown hair. Everything from his suit, dark dress pants, and polished shoes were covered in a fine layer of yellow dust (Jirachi even had to wonder if brown was his natural hair color). If he had been alive, he would have been huffing and puffing. His semi-translucent form and the fact that that he was in Purgatory told the Legendary he was a soul, and because of that, the stranger kept on talking in the same anxious tone without a hitch to his breath. “My friend is in trouble! I don’t know where he is!”

“Be calm, be calm,” the Steel-type told him. “Where was your friend sighted last?”

“Celebi and Mew took him!” the being cried, ignoring her words. Jirachi stiffened at the names and began to demand where this had happened, but the silver-eyed man (for all souls lost their eye color when they passed on) was too caught up to stop. “They just took him! I knew they were coming back for me, so I high-tailed it!”

“Where did-?” the Legend started to say but was cut off. Déjà vu settled into her; hadn’t she been interrupted enough today?

“I’m lucky to have made it this far! I saw no Dusclops guards anywhere…”

“But where did this take pl-!”

“… They might be behind me as we speak! I swear that-!”

Uneasy and nervous to the point of trembling, Jirachi snapped and took hold of the soul by his shirt collar, screaming in his face, “For the love of Arceus, from where was your friend taken?!”

The soul clamped his mouth shut and obediently pointed to another small range of mountains behind him. He was then unceremoniously dropped to the dirt when Jirachi took off towards the bloodied needles, her psychic aura brimming with ferocity.

_____

A/N: First of all, thank you for commenting, David and everybody else. :)

And meet another very important character of the story: Death. Jirachi and Death's discussion turned out very different than I had expected, as well the revelation of the scythe and Purgatory itself. I'm very happy how it came out. I just hope I don't stray too much from the outline I already have. xD

There's a pun in there, if somebody can spot it. :p

Oh yes; I'll be making profiles of the three worlds (Purgatory, Earth, and Heaven) soon and will add more as the story progresses.

What it's in store for next chapter? A very dangerous fight and maybe (depending how the chapter turns out) the entrance of a main character.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:13 AM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 2 is here!)

Okay, first off, your alternate interpretations of the Legendaries have impressed me. Not pegging Darkrai (or Archives forbid, Giratina) into the 'god of the underworld', having Mew and Celebi seem almost villainous... it's fun to watch/read, really. In all honesty, the only problems I can find are the lack of inclusion of Deoxys (honestly, what's the point of introducing a character if you're not going to use it, even if it is a good excuse to introduce more important characters?) and the constant misspelling of 'Dusclops'.

Dusclops takes its name from 'dusk' and the one-eyed Greek monster 'Cyclops', who kept the S in his name even though there is only one Cyclops, if memory serves. Dusclops works the same way; 'the Dusclops guards' and 'a Dusclops guard' basically are equivalent to each other, ruling out the singular and plural.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:36 AM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 2 is here!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giratina View Post
Okay, first off, your alternate interpretations of the Legendaries have impressed me. Not pegging Darkrai (or Archives forbid, Giratina) into the 'god of the underworld', having Mew and Celebi seem almost villainous... it's fun to watch/read, really. In all honesty, the only problems I can find are the lack of inclusion of Deoxys (honestly, what's the point of introducing a character if you're not going to use it, even if it is a good excuse to introduce more important characters?) and the constant misspelling of 'Dusclops'.

Dusclops takes its name from 'dusk' and the one-eyed Greek monster 'Cyclops', who kept the S in his name even though there is only one Cyclops, if memory serves. Dusclops works the same way; 'the Dusclops guards' and 'a Dusclops guard' basically are equivalent to each other, ruling out the singular and plural.
Shoot. This is what happens when you write a portion of the chapter at school surrounded by a drumline who never shuts up. xD I'm aware of the "one Dusclops; two Dusclops" rule; I just wasn't aware of the fact that there was an 's' at the end of the name. :X Nonetheless, thank you for pointing that out. ^^

And yeah, after writing Chapter 1, I took a liking to Deoxys, and I'll read over my chapter outlines to see where I can fit him in. I do like him. It's just that other Legendaries such as the Dragon trio move along a large part of the plot and there isn't much Deoxys can contribute to the story without making it seem like, "Great, a subplot to the subplot," thing.

Thank you for the comment, and I hope read future chapters! ^^

- Kat
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Old 10-19-2009, 05:50 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 2 is here!)

Wow, all I can say is AWESOME CHAPTER!! I was really surprised with your interpertations of Mew and Celebi. And I like the notion of the three different realms. And Death seems like a really neat character. And I hope that Jirachi can help that man find his friend before Mew and Celebi can do anything. I wonder how Arceus will react to their plan....

And I agree with Giratina somewhat. You should bring Deoxys into the story and make him part of it. I think that'd make it really interesting.

EDIT: WOOT, 400TH POST!!! XDDD
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 2 is here!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShionRasenka View Post
Wow, all I can say is AWESOME CHAPTER!! I was really surprised with your interpertations of Mew and Celebi. And I like the notion of the three different realms. And Death seems like a really neat character. And I hope that Jirachi can help that man find his friend before Mew and Celebi can do anything. I wonder how Arceus will react to their plan....

And I agree with Giratina somewhat. You should bring Deoxys into the story and make him part of it. I think that'd make it really interesting.

EDIT: WOOT, 400TH POST!!! XDDD
Hehe, I think some people didn't expect me to make Mew and Celebi as they are, since they are usually portrayed as guardians or the Legendaries that help the main characater(s). And the idea for Purgatory (and Heaven and Earth) was actually the first thing of this story that I thought of, along with Death. That, and the idea of the Legends conflicting. About Jirachi helping the man's friends... Let's just say she herself will need help to get out of the bind she's going to land herself in.

I'll try to incoportate Deoxys somewhere in the story (although if I do, he'll be in Book Two or Three, definitely not One). I admit; I am sad that I didn't incoporate him more into the story when I was plannning it. ^^; *wants to grab her Pearl and play with her GameStop Deoxys*

- Kat
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:38 PM
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Default Re: My Guardian Angel (PG-13) (Chapter 2 is here!)

In an early draft of Delta Species he was actually featured heavily in it, but after that was taken out and replaced I never really stopped liking him. ^^ And your Deoxys seems like a (WARNING: TVTROPES LINK) woobie the way he's treated by many of the Legendaries, and now I want to see his almost childish character more because it's so fascinating, like all of the other Legendaries happen to be.
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