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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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Old 12-02-2009, 03:57 AM
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Default Unwritten

Unwritten


This is actually a sort-of rewrite of PMD2 Explorers of the Sky. It's got the same storyline and characters, but I have changed things and the main character (you in the game) is a little different to the one in the game. xD And I'll also give all the characters - like the guild members - names. Different things will happen (slightly) and stuff, but if you've played the game you know what you're going to be reading. :3 But anyway, I hope it's worth your time and I also hope you like it! 8D

Words such as 'hell' might be used frequently due to character personalities, so I'm sorry if that offends anyone or makes them roll their eyes. I only use it for the characters!

Note: I've posted this on deviantArt.

Chapters:

Chapter One: First Meet (for all parts just look down xD)
Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Chapter Two: The First Step to Adventure
Part One

Part Two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Chapter One: First Meet

A cool breeze swept through the beach, grains of sand being lifted and blown away. Washing water lapped the shore, drawing back into the sea with it small clumps of sand. The Sun shone dimly in the sky, giving the bird Pokémon their last chance to find their ways back to their nests. Wingull tried their hardest to fight the current and drift to nests resting atop large rock formations lining the beach’s edge.

Screeches and muttering could be heard as they communicated with each other, slowly making progress in reaching their nests. Their outstretched wings with single blue stripes on each were straight and forked at the end, providing a poor means of flight. Their elongated, orange and dark brown beaks would have weighed them down slightly if they hadn’t been as light, and their slit-like beady eyes looked to be nearly useless.

One Wingull finally reached her nest, gripping the first of many twigs with her tiny orange feet, her wings flapping in an attempt to straighten herself. Her bunched tail which was the same white as her whole body ticked as it followed her into her home, and she settled down in the middle of it and began to watch her struggling friends and relatives. The endless flock squawked repeatedly, frustrated that one had made it out of the large amount. However, slowly but surely, more Wingull were successful and soon found themselves resting where they aimed to be.

The audience of noisy Flying types continued as a lone brown body stirred on the sand close to a huge rock. It seemed as if it wanted to wake, but as soon as its weary eyelids lifted, they slid back down again, the attempt proving to be a failure...

***

“Aw...” mumbled a troubled voice. Soft tapping sounded, paws tracing previous steps on the earth under them. Crackling of nearby flames were all that could be heard aside from the pawsteps, and the fire continued to burn atop wooden dishes held by legs of the same material, the broad entrance to an underground union of assorted Pokémon. The outside was a giant head with tent-like cloth coming down on both sides. There were thick, strong stakes planted into the ground through the material, holding it down in several places. The head and erect arms that were the exterior for the organisation below the earth were a salmon pink colour. There was a large curl on the top of the statue and two elongated ears some distance away protruding from the upper sides.

Tall totem poles were set before the dishes of fire, and loomed over anyone who stepped in front of them. The totem pole to the left was made up of three Pokémon; at the bottom there was a brown and cream Zigzagoon head; connected to its spiky ears was a Duskull, its three teeth poking down. Around the skull was dark grey, and at the top of the Pokémon were two faded yellow paws. A light purple head of an Aipom sported two oval ears from the top sides, and a tan face held two rounded eyes.

The vertical beam to the right started at the bottom with a thin Noctowl head which was russet and small patches near the bottom being a harder brown. A deep blue Anorith sat in the middle of the wooden replica, its eyes protruding from the sides followed by its back’s feathers. Wings poked from the sides, and above it was where a Hoothoot’s face resided. Large red eyes were surrounded by black eyelashes, and a tiny beak sat below them. The two Pokémon decorations were metres apart, close to the edge of the cliff where the building had been put. The cliff stretched on to the left and right of the guild for a bit, but the main town wasn’t on the same erected formation. Behind the Wigglytuff building the cliff cut off and it was a long drop to the ocean below.

Orange and purple clouds were lit with the fading light of the Sun, and the sky was a mix of saffron and amber, but as one looked up, it turned a soft bluey-lavender. The Moon would surely rise soon after, taking the Sun’s place in the sky to illuminate the below world.

The guild’s ‘garden’ was numerous trees and small patches of flowers and rocks scattered about. The rock face everything was set on was fairly bare and its earth was fairly solid—posing a question as to how the underground catacombs came to be dug. Pikes of crossed over logs lined both sides of the path up to the heightened area, which made the place seem more unwelcoming.

Regardless, the figure retracing its steps repeatedly thought not of the setting, but of something else. He was muttering quietly and breathing hard as if annoyed with his indecisive mind. He seemed to clench closed his eyes before opening them again and turning back around.

He stopped in the middle of his path, inhaling deeply. “I...I don’t want to be paralysed by my fearful nature any longer...” he declared, turning to face the guild metres before him. “I’ve been here so many times...but I could never muster the courage... Each time I’ve tried it’s ended in the same way.” He rocked slowly back and forth, trying to make up his mind. Although timid, he held out his chest and swallowed hard. He took a few shaky steps forward, but stopped before crossing over a grate in the ground. He was doing well as it was, but he’d never pushed himself hard enough to actually set foot on it. But this time...he was ready.

His rich sky blue body that slanted down as it went from his large head to his lower back held stout front and back legs that readied their steps towards the future—his future. His elongated nose with a red block at its top quivered as he hesitated once again, and his large, flap-like ears seemed to shut out all else as he tried to concentrate. His sepia web-woven bag slung around his neck and off to the side barely weighed him down and failed to distract him with its bulging—it obviously had something in it precious enough for him to carry around.

He bravely took a step forward, all four feet coming onto the trellis. “Pokémon detected! Pokémon detected!” screamed a voice from below. “Whose footprint; whose footprint?! The footprint is a Phanpy’s! The footp—”

“Wahh!” exclaimed the Phanpy, lurching backwards with a shriek. He scrambled away from the grate until he was a fair few metres clear.

“Huh? Where’d they go...?” he heard from the opening in the earth, but the voice trailed off as it realised there was no point chasing after it.

He panted and hung his head, his back to the guild. “That was...too scary...” His trunk nearly touched the ground as he stared at the dirt, a forlorn expression plastering itself on. “I...I can’t do it...again...” he moaned, slumping onto his belly. He lay his head between his paws and begun thinking again. Soon after, he sat up. He looked at the bag hanging over him. His trunk moved to the flap and lifted it, and it fell over the other side, out of the way. It retrieved the object taking up the space in it before setting it on the ground for him to observe. It looked like a chunk of dirt from the first glance, but on the flat, top side it had a strange pattern inscribed on it. There were various shapes and swirls, and frankly it was quite mysterious. “My precious treasure...” he mumbled, stroking it with his trunk. “I thought you would help me do it this time... I thought I could do it knowing exploring would bring me more valuable and mystic things like you.” His oncoming tears blurred his sight, and he made an attempt to blink them out. “I really want this...but it’s too tough for me alone... I’m...I’m too scared.”

Rustling from behind made him jump. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, spying the many bushes planted about. They didn’t move a second time, and he assumed maybe the wind had moved one. However, taking no chances, he stuffed his treasure into his carry bag and fled down the enormous steps leading to the guild’s front. He hurried on straight ahead, passing a cross-road eventually and following a long bend leading to the nearby beach.

Fluttering of wings rode on the wind’s currents as two levitating forms emerged from a shrub near the totem poles. The first one to appear was hovering because of his skin-like blue and purple wings. He sneered—despite having no eyes and having a gaping hole for a mouth.

The second Pokémon was spherical and purple, and had a widespread mouth with fangs. He had lumps covering His body used to emit poisoned gas, and he snickered as he and his partner watched the previously present timid Pokémon scurry away into the distance. “Hey, Batly,” the Koffing began, not taking his eye off the trees not too far away. “Did you get a load of that object?”

His friend smirked, his supersonic sight similar to normal sight only without as much colour. “Heh, you bet I did, Kurf.”

“That little wimp pacing around... He had some sort of treasure, didn’t he? Sucks we couldn’t see it properly.”

“Yeah-heah. That wimp did have something valuable, that’s for sure. Hey, maybe we could steal it!” Batly chuckled. He beat his wings harder than usual, showing his excitement.
“It better be something good. If we’re gonna steal it for the chief, it has to be top quality!” Kurf reminded, and his Zubat friend agreed with a nod.

“So, we’re goin’ after him?”

“Sure are,” the Koffing replied, releasing a puff of gas before hovering away from the guild and down the steps, his friend following hastily behind.

“Heh-heh-heh...this’ll be fun.”

***

The Sun sat on the horizon, gazing out across the vast sea. It shone its light in a welcoming fashion across the ocean’s surface, the rays shimmering beautifully and reflecting off into the dimming sky. Stars were beginning to wake, their presence already becoming acknowledged by some. Giant, natural rocks earned their places as more Wingull perched upon them, enjoying the last of the sunlight before night.

Glimmering spheres made their ways out into view, millions of them materialising suddenly. Small tan and orange crustacean creatures sat in various places to expel the bubbles. Their flat tops were orange as well as their pointy pincers, and two hardened spines stuck from their heads. Their undersides and many legs were all a dull tan colour, and from between the tan and orange at their mouths spurted endless bubbles which enhanced the view. Many, many bubbles were set free, and one Pokémon in particular couldn’t get enough of the magical sight.

“Wow...such a pretty sight,” he said, his eyes wavering as he seemed to fall into a trance. The large beach he was on had gritty, warm sand stretching for kilometres to the west, however, only about one hundred metres from where the Phanpy was seated was a cave that took up a lot of the space.

“Mummy, Mummy!” screeched an above Starly—a brown and white bird Pokémon with an orange and brown beak and a white spot on its chest. He flew only two metres above the Ground type and met with his supposed mother, a Staravia. The Pokémon had points of white in her face, a dark grey head and curl bending over the head’s top. A jagged bunch of white feathers were on her chest, and she had black-tipped wings and white and brown feathers as her tail. The two flew off into the forest behind the beach, probably back to their homes which resided somewhere.

The Phanpy focused back onto the ocean and the many bubbles. “When the weather’s good, the Krabby come out at dusk to blow their bubbles... The way they shine in the sun...is always so beautiful...” he confessed, nearly looking as if he was daydreaming.

There was a short pause in the line of bubbles as several Krabby moved down to the shoreline in front of the Phanpy, then they continued their stream there. They muttered to one another quietly, saying inaudible things.

“This is where I come when I’m feeling sad... It makes me...it makes me feel better. Everything here cheers me up. ...It’s a way I can be alone without being inter—”

“Move, kid,” grunted a Krabby, pushing past him as a swarm followed. The Phanpy made small noises, apologising for standing in the way.

“I better move further down... The Krabby are gathering before they go back into the water to sleep.” Without a second thought, the Long Nose Pokémon grew a sincere face which was mingled with slight fear and apologies, and left, heading down the coast to the west. His paws were careful not to cut through the sand and make a mess, and instead were placed onto them time after time. He kept wandering until he was sure he was well out of the Krabby’s way, and halted right beside an enormous rock. He wasn’t a fan of getting wet, and therefore he stayed out of the lapping water’s reach. He sighed and looked down at the heated sand as he lay on his belly. He once more extracted his talisman and held it in his trunk as he gazed back out at the bubbles. They were further away and his view wasn’t as good, but any view was good enough, he figured.

His ears wobbled as he heard moaning nearby, and he froze instantly. Fright suddenly pulsed through his veins, and he began shivering uncontrollably as he shoved his treasure into his bag again after hearing more groaning. ‘Holy Miltank... Wh-what is that?!’ he frantically thought, searching with his eyes for a way to escape without being seen. He looked towards the Krabby. ‘I can’t go back there—the shoreline curves in towards the beach and whoever’s behind the rock to my left will see me! And I don’t...I don’t want to walk through the water...’ His options began to decline as he panicked, but the moment he heard Wingull above murmuring things under their breaths, asking if the ‘brown thing on the sand’ was alright, the Phanpy slowly got to his feet. ‘Maybe...maybe someone needs h-help...’ he decided, hesitantly moving around the rock.

He peered ‘round it, spotting whoever it was that made a sound before. He waited only seconds before convincing the rest of his body to come around the rock and into the small Pokémon’s space. It was facing with its back to him on its left side, and it would be staring out to sea (if its eyes were open). It moaned again, and the Phanpy found himself in a difficult situation. “U-umm... Are you o-okay?” he began. But when he received no reply, he took a deep breath. “...Excuse me?” Still no answer. He held his chest and strode forwards, stopping right before the collapsed Pokémon. “H-hello? Are you al—”

Immediately, the brown and cream Pokémon sprung to its feet and screamed, causing the Phanpy to scream in return. He bolted back around the rock while the fox-like Pokémon tumbled into the water behind her, and she gasped as she regained her stance and scuttled from the salty sea. She began coughing madly, and the Phanpy poked his head back ‘round to see her in her unwelcome fit. Between breaths, she noticed him. “What—are—you—standing ther—there for?!” she managed to exclaim at him, obviously inhaling sand while she was at it.

He made a panicked noise, rushing to her side and patting her back with his trunk, not quite knowing if he was doing the right thing or not. She didn’t seem able to respond at the time, but once she stopped coughing, she sat gasping, her head hanging and her paws looking stressed. The Phanpy held his trunk above her back and pulled away once she threw a glare at him, and he backed up against the rock to his right—which quickly became behind him.

“Look what you did to my hair, you stupid Pokémon!!” she yelled, infuriated. She bared her teeth as she approached him leisurely, her frown the thing overpowering her face. But suddenly she stopped, noting something. Weren’t Phanpy...usually shorter? She then looked around, noticing how close she was to the ground. At the same time, she happened to take notice of her paws. “...PAWS?!” she screamed, straightening her toes and analysing her whole body. How could she not have noticed?! Her body was covered with ochre fur! She had five cream lumps of fur surrounding her neck that definitely did not make up a scarf, and a puffy tail sticking out her rear. “Wha?! Wha?!” she panted, swinging around and finding ears, large eyes, a little black nose and that she walked on four legs! She screamed at the top of her lungs again, unable to understand. “How the hell...?!”

“U-uhh...” the Phanpy stuttered. “Are you...oka—”

“Do I LOOK okay?! ...And how the hell are you talking?! How am I talking?!”

“Urf,” the Phanpy cringed, pressing himself against the rock harder.

“I’M A FULL-ON POKÉMON!!!!” She spun in circles, her confused look mixed with that of a desperate one. “How did this happen?! I don’t even remember anything!!”

“Excuse me, but...” the Phanpy interjected, trying to comprehend the situation.

“WHAT?!” she blurted, shaking her head in one swift movement.

He cringed again before speaking. “I, uh...”

“What do you want?” she pressed, her fur bristled as it still dripped.

“I...i-is there...something wrong with being a Pokémon...?”

“Well—hah! I’m not a Pokémon!” she retorted, her expression showing that the statement she made was obvious...but all it did was confuse the Ground type before her.

“I don’t... I’m not following...”

“I’M A PERSON, YOU IDIOT!” she roared, shoving her face inches away from him as an intimidation technique. “You know—a girl?! A human?!”

Continued in next post...
__________________
Everyone who's still stuck here, Pe2k is Dead. It's sad, but it happened. Instead, we moved to...

Pokemon Crossroads!
Pe2k's spiritual successor! :D I'm Suicune's Fire there.

Last edited by Graceful_Suicune; 03-03-2010 at 07:15 AM.
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  #2  
Old 12-02-2009, 03:59 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

He huddled closer – if he could – to the rock. Once she moved away, he spoke again. Usually he would be too afraid to ask any questions, but he was extremely perplexed... “But you’re... You look like a normal Eevee to me...”

“Wh—!” she began, but stopped herself. She knew he was right, and she couldn’t do anything about it. “But what the...?!” She collapsed onto the sand into a seated position with her shoulders high and her head suspended between her front legs, trying to figure all it out. “It’s just a dream... All...all a dream...”

The Phanpy approached with caution, his head close to the ground as if showing he was the lesser being. “What...what’s your name...?” he queried, making sure to stand at least a metre away from her. “...I’m Derri. Do you remember...your name?”

Her head rose, her eyes forlorn and her mouth quivering. Fur on her head sagged over, and her ears dropped as far as they could. Water slid down her neck fur and moistened the sand. She appeared to be thinking before she looked up at him properly. Her frustration returned. “...Echo,” she simply said, getting to her paws again. “Why would you care?” She looked him up and down as if mentally judging him. ‘And why is that the only thing I remember?’

“I-I...” He looked away, unsure of what to say or do at this point. Echo let out an agitated sigh and turned around.

“Whatever,” she murmured and began to pad off along the coastline in the direction Derri had ventured from.

“W-wait!” he called, bounding after her. He reached her in a few steps, overtaking her and spinning to face her and obscure her path. She backed up, trying to keep some distance as she moved a few steps.

“What?” she spat, clearly not wanting to be talking to him.

“You—i-it’s not a good idea to go that way on your own!”

“Why not? You’re not the boss of me,” she scowled.

“No, I—... Bad Pokémon have...they’ve been more abundant and...it’s dangerous if you don’t know these parts...”

“I don’t need your help. And I’m not a weakling!” She was about to leave as her face changed, and she seemed to point with her eyes at something behind Derri, coming from the direction she tried escaping in. Her frown remained as she stared and the flapping became louder. And without warning, something forceful slammed into the Phanpy’s back, knocking him into Echo. With screams and grunts, they both tumbled backwards and landed tangled in the rough sand. In the process, the spider silk strap over Derri’s body dislodged, and the bag thudded onto the ground before its content bounced out.

Derri groaned as he sat up, but he was flung to the side as Echo did the same and pushed him off her. “WATCH IT!” she raged at the newcomers. “Are you blind?”

“Well, I do beg your pardon,” admitted the Koffing—the floating purple thing that smelled like rotten carcass.

Echo growled, despite calling herself a human, and got to her paws properly. “What’s that supposed to mean?! You hit us, you tool shed!”

“You little—!” With an enraged expression, the Koffing let loose a Poison Gas attack which consisted of a purple haze engulfing Echo—if she hadn’t have moved, that was.

“Kurf! Save your energy. Let’s snatch the prize and scat!” Batly insisted, fluttering his wings after he moved in front of his friend to prevent him attacking any more. Reluctantly Kurf agreed, and they both moved toward the bag—which was between them and Derri, who stood helplessly. “This is yours, isn’t it?” Derri just stood, his mouth hanging open as he failed to answer. “Heh, we’ll be taking it!” he announced, scooping the hunk of earth into his mouth for transportation.

“Woah-ho-ho! Not gonna make a move to get it back?” Kurf mocked, and the Phanpy looked about to break into tears. “What’s the matter? Too scared?!” He began to laugh as Batly attempted the same thing...but it didn’t work out the same due to the object in his mouth. “I didn’t expect you’d be such a coward! But then again...the way you ran from that guild? I’m not surprised after all!”

Derri gasped. ‘They...they saw me at the guild?’

Rustling from behind made him jump. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, spying the many bushes planted about. They didn’t move a second time, and he assumed maybe the wind had moved one.

‘It must’ve been them behind the shrubs!’
He almost jumped in surprise, having not expected this at all.

Echo watched from the sidelines, her back to the ocean. She would have attacked by this point, but not knowing her capabilities didn’t help at all, and she didn’t even know what kinds of attacks she could use besides things like Tackle. And something along the lines of a Sand Attack wouldn’t be able to hit the two Poison types—they were hovering! Although the attack couldn’t take proper effect on them...

Spluttering could be heard as sand flew into Kurf’s open mouth, and it would have gone between Batly’s jaws as well if there hadn’t been a chunk of clay in it. But soon enough he dropped it, and he proceeded to use a Supersonic attack. Echo didn’t have time to avoid the pulses, and she began tottering about once they eddied around her.

Kurf seemed content with the result, and knew that the Phanpy wouldn’t be a threat whatsoever. “Let’s get outta here,” he suggested. Batly nodded, wrapping his two thin legs around the treasure this time and following Kurf off the scene.

“See you ‘round, Torchic!” the Zubat mocked, resisting the urge to make clucking noises. He and Kurf’s cackling could be heard as they disappeared down the coastline, and Derri knew they would be headed towards the cave.

As much as he wanted to pursue them, he knew he didn’t have the guts. Instead, he hurried over to Echo. She groaned again, shaking her head. “Did they leave?” Derri nodded. “Rotten Poison types...”

“Th-thanks for trying to save my treasure...” Derri managed to say finally, and Echo narrowed her eyes.

“That clay was your treasure? Pfft!” she replied, blowing a raspberry with her lips. “I was getting a little thing called ‘my revenge’.”

“Oh...” he muttered, looking down. “What...what should I do...?” the Pokémon questioned, biting his lip.

“What?” she answered, not realising what he was talking about.

“They took my...my personal treasure, and it means everything to me. I’ve carried it with me since I g—”

“Ugh, I don’t want to know your crummy life story,” growled the Eevee.

“But...can you...” He gritted his teeth, trying to force himself. “Can you please help me get it back?”

“Your stupid lump of rock? No!” she scoffed, “I’m not gettin’ it.”

“It—it means everything to me! If I can’t get it back...” She just rolled her eyes, turning and beginning to strut back in the direction of the Krabby. “Echo, please!” he shouted, falling to his belly with his limbs outstretched. “I can’t do it...by myself...”

The Normal type stopped, thinking something over. ‘Wait...’ First discovering she had nowhere to go, Echo wondered what she would do. She had no memory and no clue of where she was going. The only things she knew were: her name was Echo; she was an Eevee who used to be human; and this Phanpy would provide a home and a tour for her if she helped him. ‘Huh.’ She realised how much of a fool she would be to refuse such an offer. And maybe while she was at it, there was a chance she’d get her memory back...somehow. Not knowing her past was terrible for her... She sighed with an irritated quality to her voice. “...What do I get out of it?”

***

“Why is it so big?” Echo queried after stepping into a cave Derri had led her to. It was down the shore from where they were previously, and it was surprisingly light despite the fact that it was a cave. However, it looked more ‘professional’, since it wasn’t all rock hard and with stalactites, and instead had coloured stones for the floor and many weaved paths.

“It’s a...mystery dungeon,” Derri replied, scanning the small room they were in. “They say that mystery dungeons change every time you enter them, and that they’re never the same.”

“That’s a load of cr—... What’s that?” she asked, gesturing to a silver staircase heading down—presumably onto a lower floor.

Derri looked at her. “Stairs to the next floor. It’s how you...proceed through a dungeon.”
“...Stairs?” she said, sounding the word with distaste. “Where’s the lift?”

Derri seemed to adjust his bag strap as Echo glanced around. “Do you wanna...go down?” he asked shyly, not keen on going first.

“Whatever,” she said after an annoyed sigh, pushing past him and hurrying down them. The Phanpy was quick to follow, but he couldn’t help but worry over his treasure.

Once they reached the bottom, the steps suddenly contracted and disappeared! “Wha—?!” Echo began, snapping around as soon as they began to move. She couldn’t believe this! It was so strange! But what else confused her was the fact that when she was padding through narrow hallways of this so called ‘dungeon’, she came across Pokémon she attempted to speak with or shove out the way to get past. However, each time it ended in a battle. “What’s wrong with these stupid things?” she questioned, clearly frustrated. A Shellos was standing before her, its pink body obscuring her path. “Would you move?” She tried to go around – even though it was pointless because there was no room – but the Water type tackled her and spat water at her! At first, she was enraged—he had wet her fur, and when he attacked her it had hurt! So, in return, she had tackled him back. Straight away though, he became unconscious, falling to the ground. “Geez,” she had murmured, and purposely stepped on him as she continued. Derri had begun to have second thoughts by then about having her come with him, but he was lucky to at have someone at all accompany him.

Echo also found it odd to see items scattered across the floors; she had found a blue berry and a seed so far—both of which were about the size of one or two paws put together. Money she had found she stuffed into the Phanpy’s bag, which he failed to protest about, and she had rejected the offer in an instant when Derri had said that the berries were edible. She thought it was purely and simply disgusting to eat something that had come fresh off the ground. It could have been anywhere and someone could have trodden on it or spilled something on it, not to mention it could have had poison from a Pokémon sprinkled on top. And what was just as stupid was to think that they could heal a Pokémon and restore their health. “Seriously, are you people retarded?” she asked obnoxiously, acting posh. Derri had only cringed, finding her attitude one of a kind.

They trekked deeper into the cave, crossing paths with Pokémon who didn’t talk and instead just attacked on impulse. Echo was getting sick of battling, and forced Derri to take her place when she realised it was messing up her hair (or so she had called it). The Ground type’s bag was now spewing with items, but Echo had mainly stuffed it with money, or ‘poké’, as Derri had called it. “So, when do we get out?” she asked impatiently, and Derri took a moment to reply.

“I...uh...I don’t know...” he shamefully replied, and Echo sighed audibly with an ‘urrrgh’ quality to it. “I hope we reach them soon, though.”

Echo rolled her eyes. “What’s so special about your rock, anyway?”

“It’s something I was given... It's very important to me.”

“Uh...huh,” she uttered, an eyebrow raised and her mouth open as if she thought poorly of him. “That’s not a reason.”

“It’s just...” Derri was cut off as a Shellos slammed into his side, and he tumbled a few feet backwards after a sharp cry. Echo’s eyes widened, and she looked rather shocked.

“Oh, sorry!” exclaimed the little pink Pokémon. She was sincere and held truth in her eyes as she spoke to Derri, and the Phanpy used his stumpy legs to get to his feet.

“U-uh...” he uttered, unsure of how to react. However, another Shellos came from nowhere, knocking into the Ground type once more and sending him to crash against a wall. Echo still stood watching, and as soon as the Pokémon apologised like the first one had she began chuckling. Her acquaintance was looking weaker with each strike, and she found it amusing that two Pokémon playing tag could knock him out with such ease.

“Dusk!” a voice from somewhere unseen rang. The two Shellos who had accidentally beaten up Derri began to glance about.

“Noir!” they both shouted, and suddenly a rocky pink Corsola with closed eyes launched himself on-scene and smashed straight into Echo’s behind, propelling her forwards at top speed. She could just make out Derri’s eyes becoming the size of oran berries and the mouth hidden under his trunk expand before the two collided.

***

“Ugh...” moaned both Pokémon as their eyelids slid open. The sky was becoming darker, the beautiful combination or colours with different hues blending perfectly. Slaty waves stretched as they wet the shore and withdrew back in, only to repeat the process endlessly. Most of the Wingull above had made it to their nests, but some still lingered on the sand or suspended in the air.

Echo scanned the area, her and Derri quickly taking it all in. “WHAT?!” she yelled, jumping to her paws. “Are we back out here?”

Derri took a moment, going over what had happened in his mind, his eyes darting about. “This...this must be part of the circumstances of a mystery dungeon. If you faint, you are thr—”

“So we have to go through the whole cave again. WHAT THE HELL.” Echo cursed several times under her breath, but refrained from wasting any more time. She sighed roughly, scowling darkly.

“Y-yeah... We should find the Koffing and his Zubat to get my object back.” The two agreed at that and scurried back into the dungeon’s mouth, and shortly they were swallowed by it and confronted by many more Pokémon. They avoided the kids playing which they found again a few floors into the journey.

As the duo awkward-silently trekked deeper, Derri was sure they were getting close to the exit. “Hey,” Echo interrupted as he was thinking, stopping immediately with Derri thudding into her from behind. She threw him a glare and he took a number of steps back. The Eevee had taken the bag from her travel partner for the time being and was rummaging through it. “Where’s all my money?” She looked around, racing back and retracing their steps as Derri stood on the spot, thinking desperately that she was wasting precious time. “There’s only two thousand, seven hundred and forty nine poké in here!”

‘Only?’ thought Derri with an inward groan. “Can we please...keep on going?”

Echo stopped in her tracks, her angry expression shutting the Phanpy up. “You care so much about your stupid rock, but what about me and my things? I’ve lost my money! You’re just so selfish!”

“S-sorry...” the blue Pokémon mumbled regretfully. He really was hoping that wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t help it! He was just trying to get his treasure back...

A Kabuto jumped spontaneously out at the travelling two, startling both of them. He looked enraged for no apparent reason and began shouting random things. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU WEIRD POKÉMON?! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!” He began to swipe with his short yellow legs as his red eyes glowed brighter, although his mouth and other parts of his face were obscured by the blackness underneath his brown, shiny shell and therefore unable to be found. “ALL YOU BLASTED TOURISTS ALWAYS SCREW WITH MY TERRITORY!!”

“Hey! What the hell?” Echo growled, having to step back while Derri cowered behind her. She eyed the pointed yellow appendages for moments. “Ew! Don’t touch me!”

“SHUT YOUR TRAP AND LEAVE,” he screamed.

“Get a life!”

“I HAVE A LIFE! AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF IT!!” He hurled a stream of water at Echo (had he known the consequences...he would have reconsidered), soaking her completely. She screamed in return, using the puddle it created to view her reflection.

Her face suddenly clouded over with hatred...and a wicked expression formed. Her breathing overrode the Kabuto’s yelling, and without warning she tossed a horrid glare at him. Her lower jaw began to tremble with disdain, and her nose twitched with despicability. “YOU...EVIL...”

The Kabuto blinked a few times, snapping out of his rage. He backed up against a wall directed behind him, looking twice to see a Phanpy beside him. He raised a claw and put it to one side of his ‘mouth’, the side without the claw pointed at Derri. “...I shouldn’t have done that, should I...?”

The Phanpy shook his head and ducked down, pressing his ears against his head. “Hell has no fury like a female scorned!”

“Uh-oh...” He become frightened as the Eevee rumbled inside.
“NOW IT’LL BE ALL FRIZZY!!” she roared, lunging with an insane cry at him. The Rock and Water type could only squeal as Derri locked his eyelids together, facing away from the...danger. “RAAAAARRRGH!”

***

Not long after, the pair of Pokémon neared the bottom of the dungeon, the Eevee stopping to preen herself and brush her fur to be neat and untangled every now and again. Derri had to wait for her each time, but he was getting progressively anxious to catch up with the villains who abducted his treasure. The Normal type was still dripping with water, however, which meant that she would not rest until she was bone-dry again. “That stupid fossil,” Echo muttered. “Why’d he have to spray me?” she questioned agitatedly with a whiny quality.

Derri was happy to find a legitimate reason to change the subject, and raised his trunk to point to a flight of stairs. “I think that’s the last set of stairs.”

Echo snorted, satisfied to be nearing the exit. “Finally,” she snorted. “I can get outta this stink hole...” Derri’s eyebrows bent inward, but he tried to think more about retrieving his relic fragment than his new friend’s attitude.

They skimmed the stairs and landed in a darkened place, and soon enough the steps retracted once again and disappeared. They trekked up a long slope and finally emerged out the other end of the cave, the sunlight through a gap in the ceiling swallowing them in one gulp. Both squinted at the bright rays, but it was a nice change from the previous darkness.

“A dead end...?” a Zubat asked, his wings flitting to keep him airborne.

“Dang it! What are the chances of this dungeon taking us to the end of the road?” added the Koffing, the two facing across the salty water. Rocks planted in the water stood straight, nearly touching the covering red rock that made a roof. There was a few-metre-wide strip where rock wasn’t making cover just as the cave ended, but the walls surrounding were sliced with slits and dented with holes, therefore letting more sun invade.

Derri and Echo soon appeared metres from the two bandits, and just as they did the two Poison types whirled around. In Batly’s stick-thin legs was the sacred rock they were after.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t our old friend, the big Torchic,” Kurf insulted, his usual grin painted on.

Derri stepped back, biting his lips. “G...give...”

“What was that?” Batly asked, probing the Phanpy for answers. He chuckled once he thought that the Ground type was incapable of repeating himself at all, and turned to his comrade. “I think he tried to say something!”

Continued in next post...
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Old 12-02-2009, 04:00 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

He hesitated again, but suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to protect what was precious to him. “Give... Give me back my relic fragment! It’s special to me and it means everything to me!” he exclaimed, forcing out the words.

“Woah-ho-ho! Big talk from the big Torchic!” Kurf mocked.

“Yeah-heah!” Batly jeered.

“It...it’s my treasure...”

The Zubat suddenly stopped laughing in the cruel manner he was and directed himself at Derri once dropping the heavy rock. “Treasure, you say? So this thing is worth something, huh?”

“It could be more valuable than we’d hoped for, I’d say,” Kurf added, seemly content with the discovery. “Maybe something’s in it for us as well as the chief!” However, looking at Echo, Derri felt as if he was being neglected. He hoped she would change it even a little bit for him. He wasn’t sure how, but surely she could come up with something. Judging by the way she battled all the Shellos and that one...Kabuto...she appeared a decent fighter despite claiming she was a human. “Woah-ho-ho!” the Koffing said again, “All the more reason not to hand it back to you!”

“What?!” the Phanpy yelped. ‘They’re going to keep it forever?!’

“If you want it back that badly...then come and get it! Heh-heh-heh!” Batly suggested, starting by transmitting rays in circles towards the pair. They both happened to dodge at the right time.

“Hey!” Echo exclaimed, assuming a fighting stance. But the two opponents just chuckled again, and they knew there was no hope of getting their way unless they were to obtain it by force. She was still holding onto the bag with few items still left from their unconscious episode, and she quickly took a seed out with her mouth. Kurf charged at her with his usual open mouth which was the perfect chance to spit the seed. It landed perfectly onto his tongue, only for him to swallow it and fall asleep in the same second. “Eew,” she reacted, screwing up her face once realising that it had been in her mouth first. She thought that while he was down it was a perfect opportunity to knock him unconscious, so the first thing she did was take a run up and use her body to knock into him. As she did so, smoky stench seeped from the outwards-craters. “...Loser,” she commented and turned to notice Derri was struggling to make a scratch on Batly. But just as she thought of helping he hit him with a Tackle just as she had, and the Zubat fluttered back, almost losing himself and falling. However, the two Poison types were in the way of the object Echo was after, so she figured fainting the Batly was a better option. Derri approached her, looking as if he had sustained damage, and Echo smirked. Of course he had.

With a grunt, Batly sped forward. Echo barely had time to react as fangs pierced her skin and the bat-like Pokémon began to drain her blood—or ‘energy’, as he would refer to it as. “Ahh!” squealed the Eevee, trying to snap her jaws at him. But her head wouldn’t reach ‘round—and if she was thinking straight she would never put her mouth near him.

Derri stood watching, attempting to convince himself that she was capable of tearing off a Zubat. But...she looked as if she was having trouble. But as soon as she called for Derri to “stop just standing there and help”, he knew it was a good time to step in. He began by emitting a low growl, but it proved feeble and only angered Echo more. “GET IT OFF!” she boomed, looking impatient and in pain. Well, she probably was!

The Phanpy magically acquired stones and rocks of all sizes and quality and they rose as he looked ready to attack. He galloped forward, the rocks covered in strange aurora spitting at Batly and Echo. Echo cried in greater discomfort while the Zubat released his grip and was struck by several rocks. He lost consciousness instantaneously, and the two both collapsed onto their bellies for only seconds before getting back up. Although the reason they did get to their paws again was that Kurf hadn’t actually been defeated but rather had been still sleeping.

Echo decided she would take care of it and tackled her side-on, having a different effect than Tackle. Since she was injured, her Flail attack dealt more damage than it would have otherwise, and the Koffing flew backwards and thonked onto the sand, knocked out cold. She panted repeatedly, Derri doing the same thing for the same reason. The two exchanged glances and the blue Pokémon’s face lit up. He was thankful – and it could be seen in his expression – as well as relieved and ecstatic, and strode to his relic fragment. He rolled it up his trunk and ‘hugged it’, happy to have it in his own possession. He went to retrieve the bag from Echo, but the Eevee resisted, as she knew he intended to replace the money with his...piece of earth.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...” Kurf complained, having awoken.

“Ugh... We got roughed up...” added Batly shamefully.

The injured Koffing slowly rose from the ground, dirt having stuck to his purple body. He frowned as he emitted yellowy-green smoke. “B-blast! How’d we get creamed by some wimps like them?!”

Batly spluttered before he shook his head and began flapping his skin-like blue-framed wings. He hovered in midair, facing his friend but keeping his attention partly on the two others. “I-I... Bah! Just take it!” he sneered. “It probably is junk anyway!”

The Phanpy’s smile dimmed, but it was obvious he was content with the outcome of the event. Kurf only scowled. “Woah-ho!” he blurted, drawing the general focus to him. “Don’t think you’re so awesome! Your victory was a complete fluke!” To that Echo huffed in a laughing manner and as if saying, ‘Yeah, whatever.’ “If you hadn’t cheated with that sleep seed we would have whipped you!”

“Y-yeah!” agreed Batly, attempting to put on a tough act. “You just remember that!”

In that instant the pair fled in a hurry, leaving Echo and Derri behind. “Ugh... IDIOTS!” Echo shouted, and Derri dearly hoped that the insult wouldn’t provoke them to return. But she did seem rather feisty to him, and that at least would boost his chances of winning battles with her. The Eevee turned to her friend, her eyes holding impatience. “Let’s get outta here,” she demanded, beginning to make her way back to where they had come. Derri nodded a few times in a row, following with a sluggish speed at first.

***

After a short while, Echo and Derri emerged from the cave, padding along the shore. They took note of the growingly dim sky and figured that it would be suitable to sometime soon find a place to sleep. Echo presumed the Ground type was already settled in a hut or nest of some sort somewhere, but Derri had something else in mind.

They began to slow their pace eventually, and when they came to a stop the Phanpy finally spoke. “Th...thanks, really.” Echo turned around.

“Uh-huh,” she murmured, sitting down and glancing downwards at her toenails. She was unfamiliar with compliments.

Derri cleared his throat. “Um...” He pondered what he should say next, but remembered something. “Oh,” he mentioned, slipping off the strap of the bag and opening the flap with his trunk. He wedged the lump of earth out and it clonked against the ground. Echo looked up. “This is what they stole... It’s called a relic fragment. Well, that’s what I call it.”

“Great,” she said, clearly not intent on knowing. Derri shifted his mouth, feeling a little bit uncomfortable.

“It’s very valuable to me. It’s what keeps me going; my sacred treasure.”

“Yeah, I know,” she interrupted.

“And...you see, I’ve always like legends and lore. It excites me to hear about tales from long ago which have been passed on for generations... Tales about treasure and adventure... Stories involving untold secrets and valuables... Mystifying Pokémon guarding rare items... And...and stories about uncharted territories veiled in darkness...” He began beaming just thinking about it all, and he seemed really enlightened. “New lands waiting to be discovered by explorers... Oh, I also love history. I think it would be amazing to make historic discoveries or be remembered for doing such things...” he trailed off, staring at a particular grain of sand. “That’s what I’ve always dreamt of. Just mentioning all this makes my heart race...”

The Eevee remained silent as she listened, finding what he was saying to actually be worth tuning in to. And for some reason...she felt that she should want to do the same things. Oddly enough, the whole concept was interesting... ‘He almost sounds brave now,’ she stated in her head.

“So one day...I, uh...I crossed paths with this relic fragment. At first I thought it wasn’t much, but looking closer...” He pointed with his elongated nose to the stone another time, and Echo was...amazed! On its top was a flat stony surface decorated with white patterns. There were twirls and curls; circles and squiggles. It looked mysterious and surely held some sort of deep meaning. “Mm... That inscription is really strange,” he admitted. “I’ve always liked to believe that this relic fragment is the key to legendary places...where...where precious treasure lives!” He quietened down again, shuffling his feet along the sand. “That’s why... It’s why I’ve wanted to join an exploration team. I wanted to...solve the mystery behind this fragment because...because I have this feeling that it’s linked to something important and exciting. But earlier in the day...was when I tried to apply to be an apprentice and begin my own exploration team. It’s just...” He bit his lip, drawing a breath. He was a complete coward...and he was about to prove it. “Well, the truth is...I couldn’t do it. I got frightened and left to come here...” He lifted his head to see Echo smiling in a disapproving way.

“Why?” she asked in a condescending tone.

“Well...I was scared...”

“Of what?”

“I...I...” he uttered, turning away with a frail and upset expression. Echo chuckled cruelly, thinking it was pathetic.

“You have these big dreams of exploring and finding ‘grand treasures’, but you don’t have the guts to sign up?” She laughed after her rhetorical question, but the Phanpy just looked further down. “How do you expect to be an explorer when you can’t even ask a question?”

Derri thought for a moment. He had never thought of that. If he barely had the courage to stand on that grate and have his footprint analysed, how was he supposed to fight off Pokémon in dungeons and make his way to magical treasure? He looked Echo in the eyes again, the Eevee having ceased her giggling. “Well...Echo?” She met his eyes upon her name being said. “What...what are you going to do after this?” She suddenly stopped all movement and blinked repeatedly. Apart from her plans to crash with him, she had no idea what she’d do or where she’d go. “And...you said you lost your memory...? And that you were actually a human.” Echo had a frown pasted on her face, agreeing with what he was saying in her head. “Do you...have anywhere to stay?” She knew what the answer was...but if her plan went according to what she was thinking, then she knew.

‘Wait...’ she began, ‘where’s he going with this...?’ But by the sounds of things, she was sure what this was leading to. And it was precisely what she wanted. So she shook her head.

“Oh, um...can I ask a big favour then?” he wondered, his face clouding over with hope.

Echo’s brow furrowed. Her staying at his home wasn’t her doing him a favour. But then she realised. ‘No. Ugh...no! He’s gonna ask—’

“Would you...be willing to form an exploration team with me?”

“What?!” she blurted, knowing that was his query. “Why would I?”

Derri was slightly taken aback, and he stuttered, “A-aw...b-but I...I really want this and since you don’t—”

“I’m not joining some stupid exploration team so I can waste my time treasure hunting!” she snarled.

“Urk...” Derri felt somewhat hurt, and he felt let down. “P...please? I-I’m confident that...that you and I will make a great team, and...” She seemed furious by this stage, as she knew it was the only way to get somewhere to stay for the time being. “Y-you might even get your memory back! Please, Echo? I want this...I really want this...” The Eevee huffed, digging her claws into the warm sand, Derri noticing. She basically had no choice despite wishing she did. “And...we get rewards. And money!”

She had to reconsider after hearing that. ‘Imagine all the shopping I could do!’ She was ready to strangle someone as she forced herself to comply. “F...fine. But I better get my money!”

“Y...you will?” Derri asked, his nose starting to fizz. His eyes appeared to sparkle like they had their own lights shining through from the other side. “Really? You’ll form an exploration team with me?! Oh, thank you! Thank you so much, Echo...” His eyes began to leak tears, and he was brimming with pure joy. “Yes! This is so great...thank you.”

“Would you shut up already?” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“I know we’ll make a great team!” He began to prance around in a circle, annoying the Eevee all the more, and just before she was about to snap he stopped, picking up the relic fragment and plonking it into his bag. “First we have to go to the Wigglytuff Guild,” he mentioned, “where we can apply as apprentices and register our exploration team.” He trotted past his new friend up the beach, ensuring eye contact was frequently made. “I, uh...I think the training is supposed to be tough...but we’ll do our best, Echo!” he chirped, his bag thumping subtly against his side with each step. “Hehe...I’m so excited!”

“Here we go,” muttered Echo, following without a rush.
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Old 12-02-2009, 07:58 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Well, I read this on DA but I decided to comment here!

I like how Echo's personality is so different than the games. She seems so easily annoyed, and she's funny when she's mad. xD I also like how she didn't want to form an exploration team at first.
I also liked how you described the dungeons, and the stairs. (I always wondered how that would work in a story, since in my PMD story, the 'dungeons' are different types maze-like areas rather than places with multiple floors. xD)
I really liked how you explained other things too. Like, I'm really glad you came up with a reason Derri could carry the relic fragment, since I always wondered how my partner was able to carry that around for most of the time in the game. xD And also how you came up with a way for the sleep seed to work (I always wondered that too). Also, I laughed at the part that said "Eew," she reacted, screwing up her face once realising that it had been in her mouth first. " For some reason I found that so amusing that Echo would think that in the middle of a battle, yet it seems so like her. xD (I also liked the "I HAVE A LIFE! AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF IT!!" part. xD)

I only found two typos, one in this sentence:
Quote:
But she did seem rather feisty to him, and that at least would protect his chances of winning battles with her.
That doesn't make sense. xD

When I was reading on DA, I came across a sentence in the first half where it said 'mangled' instead of 'mingled' when talking about Derri's expression I think. (Lol, mangled.) However I can't remember where it was...I looked over it and tried to find the sentence...but didn't. x_x So sorry if this is not any help. D=

I really like this story so far, and I can't wait to see how Echo reacts to the Guild. xD She's a really interesting character and I like reading her thoughts.
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:23 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Well, I read this on DA but I decided to comment here!

I like how Echo's personality is so different than the games. She seems so easily annoyed, and she's funny when she's mad. xD I also like how she didn't want to form an exploration team at first.
I also liked how you described the dungeons, and the stairs. (I always wondered how that would work in a story, since in my PMD story, the 'dungeons' are different types maze-like areas rather than places with multiple floors. xD)
I really liked how you explained other things too. Like, I'm really glad you came up with a reason Derri could carry the relic fragment, since I always wondered how my partner was able to carry that around for most of the time in the game. xD And also how you came up with a way for the sleep seed to work (I always wondered that too). Also, I laughed at the part that said "Eew," she reacted, screwing up her face once realising that it had been in her mouth first. " For some reason I found that so amusing that Echo would think that in the middle of a battle, yet it seems so like her. xD (I also liked the "I HAVE A LIFE! AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF IT!!" part. xD)

I only found two typos, one in this sentence:

That doesn't make sense. xD

When I was reading on DA, I came across a sentence in the first half where it said 'mangled' instead of 'mingled' when talking about Derri's expression I think. (Lol, mangled.) However I can't remember where it was...I looked over it and tried to find the sentence...but didn't. x_x So sorry if this is not any help. D=

I really like this story so far, and I can't wait to see how Echo reacts to the Guild. xD She's a really interesting character and I like reading her thoughts.
xD Haha, no worries! That's fine with me. This'll be the last time I visit this site/any other site before I go to QLD. Just thought you'd like to know. xD

Thanks! Yeah, I realised how mellow and agreeable the character was in the game and thought about how plain the character was. xD Well, I mean... "THE CHARACTER WASN'T ORIGINAL AND ECHO IS AND SHE'S ALSO CREATIVE!!!!" -.- No. I just really wanted to change the character, basically, and not that the character was plain, but it just had the usual easy going nature, which is good and all (xD) but I wanted to make her a whole lot different and make it funny and therefore it'd also be more of a challenge for Pokemon like Chatot and especially Derri. xD Yeah, haha. In the game I loved clicking the awkward options, and making her not want to do any of the things she should is interesting for me to work with, and it's also fun! I love seeing how different characters react to different situations like that. xD

Yeah! At first I thought I was going to have trouble, and I came to think that it really doesn't make sense--there are so many faults with floors, and I especially thought about how when you get deeper into a dungeon and you finish it you always pop out the other end and it's not underground or anything...which makes no sense. And also--if you have an exploration badge then you could technically teleport out of the dungeon whenever you liked, and nobody would know that you cheated. And also--reviver seeds. HOW do they make sense? Once you faint how does the seed get to your mouth and revive you?? So I'll also have to work something out for that. xD And the maze type of dungeon makes a lot better sense. xD

Yeah! I always wondered too! It's like how their treasure bags can carry so much--and especially when you have 99 geopebbles and stuff. xD Yeah! That's like the reviver seed! Because I couldn't work out how it would put them to sleep--but oh...I just came up with another way it could work! Toxins! It explodes when it hits them and releases toxins that cause the victims (MAW HA HA) to fall asleep! xD I'm glad I could get you to laugh! I loved that Kabuto, and I thought it would also be funny for him to stop being angry suddenly and become scared of the...enraged Echo. xD

xD You're right! Well, I changed 'protect' to 'boost'. xD
And I found the other one! It's after the Krabby told him to move. xD And any help is great help! 8D

xDD Thank you! *leaphugs* Yeah, that'll be fun to write. I bet she'll hate Chatot--'cause he'll boss her around. xD But, like I stated, I'll give all the guild members names. I came up with quick names for 'Koffing' and 'Zubat', and I'll do the same with the others. However, I think we've all gotten used to calling them by their species names because of the game, so I'll get the guild members to call him 'Guildmaster', and the place is called the 'Wigglytuff Guild' rather than 'Wigglytuff's Guild'. ;D Sorry... I'm just against calling Pokemon by their species name (unless there's a good reason or, like for your Articuno, it's a legendary who people'll want to call their species name. But in all my stories I think I'll give Legendaries names xD), so it might take some getting used to. But hopefully I can come up with names that'll suit the character and the Pokemon species itself. Maybe I can get you to help! :D

Thanks for reading, as always! :D Since I have a proper plan to follow then I can move quite quickly with writing this, so chapter two will probably not take as long as any of my other stories would. WOO.

~Xanthe.
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Old 12-03-2009, 05:47 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Oh, okay!

Yeah, it always kinda bothered me how the main character was so silent all the time-I always imagined myself saying stuff as I played through the game. xD I KNOW SERIOUSLY WE GOTS TO TELL EVERYONE HOW AWESOME AND CREATIVE WE ARE!!!ONE!!111!!! Haha, me too! I imagined my vulpix character would be SO FREAKING ANNOYED having to look after Manaphy...and Jordan was all, "but it'll be fun! Look how cute he is!" I should draw a picture of it. xD

Hm...yeah, I've always wondered that too! Maybe for the reviver seeds, the other pokemon feeds it to the pokemon who fainted? But that wouldn't explain what happened if they both fainted at the same time. o.o

I like the toxins idea! That makes a bit more sense (but still funny that the koffing ate it. xD). Yeah, the 99 geopebbles thing always made me wonder...*imagines a phanpy staggering around with a massive bag full of rocks*

Oh, okay! Glad you found it! I was so annoyed I couldn't. x_x

Chatot...xD I just realized how interesting that's going to be...when I posted my reply I was thinking of Wigglytuff, but her reactions to Chatot should be even better! And yeah, that makes sense! The name thing always bothered me too, because...well, wouldn't that be confusing with there being more than one of the same species? I mean, legendaries are one thing, but common pokemon like Chatot? I would think that would get really awkward if there was another chatot in the guild with the name 'Chatot' xD And sure, I'd love to help!

Oh, okay! Yay for writing multiple stories at once! =D *is currently working on four*
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:51 PM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Leprechaun

There, we're even. xD *reffering to the randomness that accorded in my fic*

LoL, moving on to your fic... I love it! I'm a fan of PMD fics, and this one's great! Echo is hilarious, but goll, I wish she was nicer to the Phanphy. D: Still, her attitude just cracks me up. I liked the little encounter with the Kabuto...

Quote:
“Hell has no fury like a female scorned!”
Ain't that true! xDDDDD

I can't wait to see where you'll take this fic, and like Scy I'm curious to see how Echo will react to the strangeness within the Guild. But even further, I wonder what she'll think about that huge plot-twist we all know is coming...

Quote:
Since I have a proper plan to follow then I can move quite quickly with writing this
That's what I thought when I started Purified. x_x Still working on the next chapters...

Anywho, can't wait for more! ^^
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  #8  
Old 12-04-2009, 01:54 PM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Heheh, Echo is sheer epicness. Why they couldn't have at least made the game more entertaining by giving more multiple choice questions, I don't know, but that was funny XD

Scy likely picked out any spelling errors I would've bugged you about, so you're good in that department. And the whole thing with giving the Guildmembers names; that's a good one. It always irked me in that series that the player and partner were the only ones with real names >.>

Aaanyway, keep writing, and I shall keep reading :3
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Old 12-10-2009, 04:24 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Oh, okay!

Yeah, it always kinda bothered me how the main character was so silent all the time-I always imagined myself saying stuff as I played through the game. xD I KNOW SERIOUSLY WE GOTS TO TELL EVERYONE HOW AWESOME AND CREATIVE WE ARE!!!ONE!!111!!! Haha, me too! I imagined my vulpix character would be SO FREAKING ANNOYED having to look after Manaphy...and Jordan was all, "but it'll be fun! Look how cute he is!" I should draw a picture of it. xD

Hm...yeah, I've always wondered that too! Maybe for the reviver seeds, the other pokemon feeds it to the pokemon who fainted? But that wouldn't explain what happened if they both fainted at the same time. o.o

I like the toxins idea! That makes a bit more sense (but still funny that the koffing ate it. xD). Yeah, the 99 geopebbles thing always made me wonder...*imagines a phanpy staggering around with a massive bag full of rocks*

Oh, okay! Glad you found it! I was so annoyed I couldn't. x_x

Chatot...xD I just realized how interesting that's going to be...when I posted my reply I was thinking of Wigglytuff, but her reactions to Chatot should be even better! And yeah, that makes sense! The name thing always bothered me too, because...well, wouldn't that be confusing with there being more than one of the same species? I mean, legendaries are one thing, but common pokemon like Chatot? I would think that would get really awkward if there was another chatot in the guild with the name 'Chatot' xD And sure, I'd love to help!

Oh, okay! Yay for writing multiple stories at once! =D *is currently working on four*
Yeah, I know! And there was only one part where they did, and that was when you were saying goodbye to your partner. And it's totally not what Echo would say. xD LIKE YEAH EVERYONE WILL LUV US AND WE'LL BE SO POPULAR!!!!one!1eleven2@!!1 Yeah! xD Well, I'd love to look after such a cute little thing but I know Echo wouldn't. xD Haha, I think that's how Echo and Derri would both act too. xD

Yeah... OH NO! Dx Well...hopefully we'll be able to come up with something. And if there's only one there who faints? Ahh... THIS is why I hate unexplained things!! Dx It's why I like to make up my own things for certain concepts with Pokemon. OR...hmm... Haha, I have an idea. xD *keeps mouth shut*

Thanks! Yeah, haha. xD Lucky shot, 'ey? xDDDD That'd be hilarious! We should also draw that. xD

Yeah, haha, it bugs me as well. xD But for some reason I always remember what the word was or at least what the word started with. xD

xDDD Well, let's just say I have some things planned for then. xD Oh, okay! Well, Wigglytuff would be interesting too. I could just imagine her with a party-pooper, weirded out expression on her face. xD EXACTLY! That's why I always name my Pokemon and why I think it's funny: in the anime Ash has his Pikachu, right, and he meets this guy called Ricki who of course named his Pikachu. xD I think it's funny... But it also annoys me. +_+ And what about if a pack of Pokemon were living together? Would they all be called the same thing?? Dx

xD Woo!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmander009 View Post
Leprechaun

There, we're even. xD *reffering to the randomness that accorded in my fic*

LoL, moving on to your fic... I love it! I'm a fan of PMD fics, and this one's great! Echo is hilarious, but goll, I wish she was nicer to the Phanphy. D: Still, her attitude just cracks me up. I liked the little encounter with the Kabuto...


Ain't that true! xDDDDD

I can't wait to see where you'll take this fic, and like Scy I'm curious to see how Echo will react to the strangeness within the Guild. But even further, I wonder what she'll think about that huge plot-twist we all know is coming...


That's what I thought when I started Purified. x_x Still working on the next chapters...

Anywho, can't wait for more! ^^
OMGosh, that's me! :D Lol, okay. GO RANDOMNESS! *holds up flag*

Liek thanks! 8D Oh, haha, I was hoping people would/wouldn't like her! xD Yeah... But I don't think Derri minds. I mean, he probably does, but deep down he understands her. xD Haha, that poor Kabuto! That was fun to write. xD

xDD Shakespearean quotes ftw! xD

Hehe, well, I think you can guess where it's gonna go, lol. xD And yeah--I'm looking forward to that too!

Yeah... Hopefully I can follow my plan of following MD's plan and get more chapters done faster. xD

Thanks! It'll be nice if I could get another one up soon. ^^;

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle8936 View Post
Heheh, Echo is sheer epicness. Why they couldn't have at least made the game more entertaining by giving more multiple choice questions, I don't know, but that was funny XD

Scy likely picked out any spelling errors I would've bugged you about, so you're good in that department. And the whole thing with giving the Guildmembers names; that's a good one. It always irked me in that series that the player and partner were the only ones with real names >.>

Aaanyway, keep writing, and I shall keep reading :3
xDD Thanks!


Echo: Duh.

Haha, I know! I really wanted to both parody PMD and include different characters/different character.

Yeah, lol, she's good at that and always gets to the fan fics first. xD Yeah, thanks! I just gotta come up with names that suit them. xD I know! It's so weird to be introducing all these characters with their species name and then two who have real names. xD

It's a deal!

~Xanthe.
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  #10  
Old 12-10-2009, 05:52 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post


Yeah, I know! And there was only one part where they did, and that was when you were saying goodbye to your partner. And it's totally not what Echo would say. xD LIKE YEAH EVERYONE WILL LUV US AND WE'LL BE SO POPULAR!!!!one!1eleven2@!!1 Yeah! xD Well, I'd love to look after such a cute little thing but I know Echo wouldn't. xD Haha, I think that's how Echo and Derri would both act too. xD

Yeah... OH NO! Dx Well...hopefully we'll be able to come up with something. And if there's only one there who faints? Ahh... THIS is why I hate unexplained things!! Dx It's why I like to make up my own things for certain concepts with Pokemon. OR...hmm... Haha, I have an idea. xD *keeps mouth shut*

Thanks! Yeah, haha. xD Lucky shot, 'ey? xDDDD That'd be hilarious! We should also draw that. xD

Yeah, haha, it bugs me as well. xD But for some reason I always remember what the word was or at least what the word started with. xD

xDDD Well, let's just say I have some things planned for then. xD Oh, okay! Well, Wigglytuff would be interesting too. I could just imagine her with a party-pooper, weirded out expression on her face. xD EXACTLY! That's why I always name my Pokemon and why I think it's funny: in the anime Ash has his Pikachu, right, and he meets this guy called Ricki who of course named his Pikachu. xD I think it's funny... But it also annoys me. +_+ And what about if a pack of Pokemon were living together? Would they all be called the same thing?? Dx

xD Woo!
Yeah, I thought that was odd. I KNOW! THEN WE CAN LAUGH AT ALL THE UNWORTHY PPL!!!!O1!111!! Haha, I would be too weirded-out he could talk right after hatching! XD

Yeah, same. Oh, yay, idea!

We should! Along with Rosie's bling and all our other random/funny things!

That's a good skill to have! *wishes I had it*

Haha, I can really picture that! And yeah, I always wondered why more trainers in the anime don't name their pokemon. And I always assumed pokemon had names in the wild but when caught were either named by their trainer or just referred to by their species name. I dunno. xD
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  #11  
Old 12-11-2009, 01:21 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

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Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
Yeah, I thought that was odd. I KNOW! THEN WE CAN LAUGH AT ALL THE UNWORTHY PPL!!!!O1!111!! Haha, I would be too weirded-out he could talk right after hatching! XD

Yeah, same. Oh, yay, idea!

We should! Along with Rosie's bling and all our other random/funny things!

That's a good skill to have! *wishes I had it*

Haha, I can really picture that! And yeah, I always wondered why more trainers in the anime don't name their pokemon. And I always assumed pokemon had names in the wild but when caught were either named by their trainer or just referred to by their species name. I dunno. xD
O YEA AND BELITTLE OTHERS WITH OUR AWESOMENESS OCs!!!!11ONE1! I know, right?! And understanding the language straight away? xD But at least he could only say one word or something...couldn't he? x3

xD Well, it's not an idea as such, but... Ahh, you'll see. xD

But of course! xD

Lol, but otherwise I'm pretty forgetful. xD

xD Yeah! My theory was that they didn't do that because people wouldn't be familiar with the Pokemon themselves so to keep it less confusing they had their species name as their normal name so that people could learn what they were type-of-thing. And I think it's partly why their names are considered proper nouns (hence the capital letter)--because their species name is usually their normal name, and of course, normal names are proper nouns. And yeah...that would be how we see it, but in the anime I bet they'd still all be called 'Pikachu' or 'Rattata'. xDx

~Xanthe.
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:32 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Hmm, interesting. I wonder if you can still throw in any plot twists, considering we already know the plot xD I love you way you portray the characters, and it's good to have the main character say something besides "......" for once. The item problem I've always had difficult resolving when imagining it too, and I like the way you solved some of them.
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Old 12-12-2009, 08:55 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceful_Suicune View Post


O YEA AND BELITTLE OTHERS WITH OUR AWESOMENESS OCs!!!!11ONE1! I know, right?! And understanding the language straight away? xD But at least he could only say one word or something...couldn't he? x3

xD Well, it's not an idea as such, but... Ahh, you'll see. xD

But of course! xD

Lol, but otherwise I'm pretty forgetful. xD

xD Yeah! My theory was that they didn't do that because people wouldn't be familiar with the Pokemon themselves so to keep it less confusing they had their species name as their normal name so that people could learn what they were type-of-thing. And I think it's partly why their names are considered proper nouns (hence the capital letter)--because their species name is usually their normal name, and of course, normal names are proper nouns. And yeah...that would be how we see it, but in the anime I bet they'd still all be called 'Pikachu' or 'Rattata'. xDx

~Xanthe.
I KNOW, IT WILL BE AWESOME! I can't remember...I think he could say sentences. O_o

Well, yeah, that's probably why they did it in the show, but I'm talking about what I think it would be like in the pokemon world where people nicknamed their pokemon. xD
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Old 12-21-2009, 02:54 AM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Very nice. I love Echo's personality as well. The character in the game did seem really dull.
Anyway, I didn't spot anything, Scy caught the errors. Hope to read more soon.

~Starr
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:34 PM
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Default Re: Unwritten

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lusankya View Post
Hmm, interesting. I wonder if you can still throw in any plot twists, considering we already know the plot xD I love you way you portray the characters, and it's good to have the main character say something besides "......" for once. The item problem I've always had difficult resolving when imagining it too, and I like the way you solved some of them.
x3 Yeah, lol, I'll be sure to include some things that aren't in the game. Of course I intend on following the plot--even if my readers know what's gonna happen, the characters don't and that's the fun part. ;D Thank you! I was going for something a little different. xD Yeah, same! I wanted to make sure that it made some kind of sense in the story. xD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scytherwolf View Post
I KNOW, IT WILL BE AWESOME! I can't remember...I think he could say sentences. O_o

Well, yeah, that's probably why they did it in the show, but I'm talking about what I think it would be like in the pokemon world where people nicknamed their pokemon. xD
xD Well, I'm almost up to that part in Sky, so I'll letcha know. xD

Yeah, oh, lol. xDD They catch all these rattata and call them all 'Rattata'. "Nice work, Rattata!" *all these rattata look* "Uhh... That one over ther--no, not you...nope... Close! Next to you! Yeah, you! The smaller one! Good work."

Quote:
Originally Posted by my-little-starr View Post
Very nice. I love Echo's personality as well. The character in the game did seem really dull.
Anyway, I didn't spot anything, Scy caught the errors. Hope to read more soon.

~Starr
xD Thank you. :3 Yes, lol. I kept the partner's character but Derri's more cowardly, lol. xD

Derri: I... Is it really funny I'm afraid? D:

Echo: More like hilarious!

~Xanthe.
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