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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 01-08-2010, 04:17 PM
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Default Belladonna Griefkiller and the OEOHGFPPE [Ready for grading!]

*Disclaimer: Thoughts, feeling and actions in the following story may/do not match the true feeling of the author. Also PG/13 for dark themes and the use of the word 'rapist'.

It is reccomended you read the prequel, found here: Belladonna Griefkiller and the Chain Smoking Mareep

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summary of the prequel
Belladonna Griefkiller and the Chain Smoking Mareep (BGATCSM) is set in a small town known as the Barony of East Fisher. The story begins with the antagonist, Albion Quakemage, who is a Mareep that is involved in drug dealings, and many other crimes. Belladonna Griefkiller is a Lickitung set out to be a police officer to take down Albion, but she soon realises things get nasty. The end battle approached, and her friend ends up knocked out in a fight against Albion.
Belladonna Griefkiller and the One Eyed One Horned Flying Giant Purple People Eater:

Genre: Dark / Humour

Prologue:

The purple Sunkern looked silently out of the pot, watching the small, luminous sphere in the night sky. The Sunkern’s clouded black eyes glistened, wondering how to reach out to something so exquisite, so far away. The small violet seed struggled to free itself from the pot, and it soon accepted its fate. It was stuck, and there was nothing it could do about the situation. It continued to stare at the moon, amazed by its beauty.

On the other hand, something else could help it out. A ball shaped figure fluttered out in the nightlight. It came over to the Sunkern, and at first, only the piercing red eyes were visible. The Sunkern had to adjust its eyes to see that a bird was standing in front of him. It had brown coloured feathers, with the fluffy texture of clouds. The eyes were surrounded with a marking that strongly resembled the gendered symbols, and it only appeared to have one leg. The Hoothoot let out a high pitched tweet, and suddenly acted suspicious.

“Uh, that wasn’t supposed to sound like that,” he remarked. He let out a low growl, which seemed like an odd action for a bird to do, and looked content.

“What are you?” The Sunkern asked, confused, shaking his head. The Hoothoot snarled in disgust, and suddenly thrust its beak forward. The mahogany coloured beak stabbed the Sunkern’s black eye, rendering it useless. The Hoothoot sucked the eye out of the socket, and licked its beak in delight.

“I am your maker,” the Hoothoot told the Sunkern. “And you, my dear Sunkern, are my meal. And as such, you shall not speak to me in such a repulsive manner.”

The seed winced in pain, but other than that it seemed oddly unaffected by the sudden loss of an organ. It failed to comprehend what the Hoothoot was saying, and continued to shake its head. “Meal?”

“Indeed, meal,” the bird continued, further licking his beak. A sudden smirk appeared across the crack in its bill. “Unless, you wish to work for me?”

“Work,” the Sunkern said briefly, smiling. “Work, work, work.”

“Yes, and you shall refer to me as Hercules!” Hoothoot declared, trying to flutter its wings in an evil manner. The intimidation process didn’t appear to work as the Sunkern laughed in delight, and then violently exploded verbally.

“The Almighty Hercules!” The Sunkern shouted, giggling at the thought of a nineteen-sixties television show. Hercules just sighed, and a faint pink aura began to glow around him. He closed his eyes, and engulfed the Sunkern in the aura. The half-blind Sunkern grew multiple times in size, to that of a Wailord. Like the missing eye, Sunkern seemed generally un-phased by this.

“Woo,” it chirped as it grew bigger. It started bouncing around, almost crushing the young Hoothoot, and sending tremors crackling along the ground. The Hoothoot grew angry, but shrugged it off, and used its psychic powers once more, to lift the giant, one eyed purple Sunkern of the ground. The Hoothoot began flying away, and the Sunkern followed suit.

“Woohoo!” The Sunkern screamed as the two flew into the night.

Last edited by Etymology; 02-22-2010 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 01-10-2010, 07:42 PM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the One Eyed One Horned Giant Flying Purple People Eat

Chapter one:

Blue flew above the giant single minded Bidoof and just in front of the Gengar apparition. When ready, it unleashed its signature attack as a Lickilicky, Explosion. Blue began to glow white, and suddenly, tons of energy was released in the form of orange radio waves, and those waves slammed into the ghostly Gengar and the brown, beaver-ish Bidoof. The Gengar immediately let out a huge groan, and frowned at Blue, who was now unconscious and falling in a burning plane, resembling a Wobbufett turned sideways. The sky blue plane fell closer to the floor, and hit the ground with a thud, and then exploded. Belladonna Griefkiller, the fat, pink, long tongued Lickitung screamed out in despair.

“Blue!” She cried out, hoping her saviour and fateful companion would be okay. She tried to run out to her friend, but her legs didn’t budge. She was too terrified about her friends health, that she couldn’t move. She just stood there, cold and alone.

The giant single minded Bidoof exploded, and Bidoof chunks flew everywhere. Strangely, these chunks were whisked away in the wind, as witnessed by Belle. It was awfully odd seeing blood stained, brown meaty chunks floating around.

“W-what the hell?” She asked herself. There was one detail she forgot, however. Albion Quakemage and his Irish cohort. They were nowhere to be seen. Belle assumed that the dastardly Mareep duo either escaped or were blown away by the blast, and were either dead or badly injured. She severely hoped it was the latter. Seeing that all her opponents were either gone or dead, she had the motivation to totter over to the burning plane that Blue had fell from. She was dizzy from fatigue and sick from worry. She couldn’t get too close to the plane without feeling the effects of the heat.

Oddly, rubble from the burning plane began to move. The plane quivered some more, and slowly, the charred, bloody body of Blue’s Lickilicky form ascended from the plane, surrounded by a blue aura. The Ditto floated over to an empty space on the ground, was flipped into a lying down position, and was slowly put down onto the ground. A chirping sound was heard, and a pink, human-like creature appeared in front of Belle. The Pokemon had a silly head that looked like it was topped with blueberry syrup, and the Pokemon greatly resembled a clown. The Mime.Jr nodded in happiness, and then just stood there, mimicking Belle’s expression. Belle gasped.

“H-hi,” Belle mumbled, water dripping from her sweat glands.

“Hi there!” The Mime.Jr responded, also sweating. “I saved your friend over there!”

“Y-you did?” Belle asked, not quite sure that such a small thing could lift her friend.

“Uh huh!” The Mime.Jr chirped, and started to glow white. It did a playful little dance, whilst doing so. “Goodbye friend!”

It became apparent the Mime.Jr was teleporting away.

“Bye!” Belle yelled after, hoping the white silhouette could hear her words. “I’m forever indebted to you!”

Mime.Jr shimmered, and disappeared in a burst of light. Belle stood, motionless, in awe, but snapped out of it when she remembered her friend.

“Blue!” She cried, rushing over to her unconscious friend. “Blue, get up you dope!”

Blue slowly began to stir. It coughed. “Belle?”

Belle sighed, instantly relieved that the friend she had known for a brief period of time was alright. “Blue, thank god you’re okay.”

“Hey, I’m an indestructible glob of jelly,” Blue spluttered, smugness washing all over him. “I can’t be killed.”

Blue glowed white, and began to change shape. It changed into it’s Abra form, a beige cat-like body with closed eyes. It generally looked tired. The form glowed some more, and Blue teleported itself and Blue back home.

The battle against the chain smoking Mareep was won.

But was the war?

That was two months ago…


Life at the Barony of East Fisher was relatively normal for everyone. Not too many crimes had been going on since the event that happened two months ago. Belle had returned to her job as a barber, in her small shop just a few blocks away from the pig grotto, the tall, Christmas-tree like building in the town centre. The pig grotto was merely used as a police station. Both the pig grotto and the barber shop had been attacked by Albion Quakemage, the chain smoking Mareep, a few months back, but the government helped raise enough money to get both buildings back on their feet. Recently the pig grotto was pretty quiet, due to the fact that there was a lack of crimes, and that many of the officers were on leave. Belle decided she would drop in on them, with Blue, who was fully recovered. The two strolled towards the building, and there they met the challenge. It was the gruelling stair of the pig grotto, a stair of which many have fallen upon. It was considered a bad omen should one fall on it.

“Ready for this Blue?” Belle queried, raising one of her stumpy legs over the stair, shaking whilst doing so.

“You betcha,” the Ditto chirped, from atop Belle's shoulder, and Belle slowly lowered her leg onto the stair. It was looking good so far, so Belle moved her other leg forward. Awkwardly, that leg snagged the leg already on the stair, sending the duo tumbling forward, into the grotto. The pair groggily got up, waving their heads (or, blobs, in Blue‘s case) to get rid of any nausea.

“Darn stair,” Belle cursed, as she hastily brushed the dust off of her. She picked herself up and panted a little. She looked to Blue for comfort, who somehow was clung to the top of her head.

“Seven years bad luck now, Belle!” Blue giggled, whilst sliding back down to her shoulder, and thinking it was funny how some people would believe in silly superstitions.

“That’s when you break a Spoink’s pearl, Blue,” Belle growled, not finding the situation very amusing. The gruelling stair was a sacred tradition and prophecy. Any bad thing could happen to them now.

The atmosphere of the grotto was less cluttered than it was a few months ago. Paper was no longer scattered across the room, and the walls were decorated in a misty blue paint. Computers and gizmos sat neatly on table desks, and the room was so much more hygienic. The Grumpig that had replaced the Piloswine rozzers had completely changed the grotto. The Piloswine had been fired for slacking, and general failure. Belle didn’t think this was for the best, however. She liked the dirtiness of the Piloswine, and the constant threats from them. Oh well.

The place was so quiet that it was quite odd to see two creatures up at the enquiries desk. One was covered in mint green leaves, that didn’t appear to be fully attached. Specks of brown and pink were randomly thrown in with the leaves too, and a long spiral antennae sprouted from the tip of the creature. It also had two skinny legs, coloured dirty grey, the same colour as the antennae.

The second Pokemon was drastically different. It was fat, pink, and had two lime green, spiky leaves protruding from its, what appeared to be, head. It had two short stumpy arms, and huge cotton candy coloured feet.

“Who the feck are they?” Belle exclaimed, walking up to the combo of Pokemon by the birch desk. The purple pig with many black lumps on its head, a Grumpig, looked at Belle with disgust because of her bad language, but averted her gaze back to the computer screen. The two Pokemon that were talking to the pig, however, weren’t impressed.

“Who the feck do you think you’re talking to?” The stubby pink one growled, not impressed. The Hoppip gently bounced up and down in a serene way, the complete opposite of its tone of voice. It maintained a mean and nasty glare in its eyes, however.

“You should give higher respect to your superiors!” The Hoppip’s bagworm companion joined in, hopping up and down as if to be noticed. The Burmy was just as enraged as the Hoppip was, but didn’t seem all that impressive due to its size and skinniness.

“And you’re going to do what, exactly, about it?” The Lickitung retaliated, being as hot-headed as usual. The Ditto on her shoulder pulled back an eyelid and poked its tongue out, mocking the Grass
and Bug types.

Strangely, the Hoppip started giggling psychotically.

“Oh my gosh! I just love how everyone is so upbeat in this place! High fives!” She giggled, raising her somewhat small arm. She lowered it disappointedly as she knew she couldn’t get it so high, and thus
there was no point. Had there been a small updraft in the room, maybe, but not now.

“You two are weird,” Belle commented, looking at the pair with an intrigued look. “But I suppose that’s okay. There are tons of psychos in the Barony of East Fisher.”

“I beg your pardon!” The Burmy shouted in a posh and snobby tone. “We are quite the opposite to psychos, we are bounty hunters!”

“Nope, you’re psychos,” Blue laughed, wobbling around like jelly as it did so.

The bagworm and cottonweed Pokemon sweat dropped.

“No, really,” the Hoppip mumbled, whipping out a card from its, er, pockets? The card glistened in the bulb-light, showing a photo of the Hoppip and lots of details, such as level, age, place of birth, and lots of other funky facts. It was decorated in white and blue colour, and the aforementioned shine came from the laminated surface. Belle assumed that the Burmy had one, also.

“We’re trying to solve the case of the one eyed one horned giant flying purple people eater,” the Burmy explained, looking a bit frightened at the thought of the name.

“The one eyed two horned… what?” Blue asked confused, scratching its jelly-like head with its jelly-like hand.

“I know the name sounds like that of a nineteen-fifties song, but that is the name of the monster that is terrorising many towns and cities across the globe,” Hoppip answered, uncertainty glistening in her eyes. “It floats around, in search of food. When it finds some, it gobbles it up, and apparently grows larger in size when it does so.”

“What exactly does the purple thing eat?” Belle asked, fearing for the worst what one of the bounty hunters would answer.

“Pokemon,” Hoppip replied, in a deep and grave voice.

The room’s quiet atmosphere rolled in once again.

Last edited by Etymology; 02-03-2010 at 12:25 AM.
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Old 02-03-2010, 12:24 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the One Eyed One Horned Giant Flying Purple People Eat

Chapter Two:

“What?!” Belle questioned, breaking the silence of the room. The two bounty hunters looked at each other nervously.

“It’s true!” They yelled together, as if they knew that was what was on the other’s mind. Belle looked at the two, out of pity and out of interest.

“You two should come back to my place,” Belle began, putting her hand to her chin. “We can talk this over there, in private.”

“No way!” The Burmy shouted, waving its head from side to side. “For all we know, you could be a rapist or a stalker!”

“Oh please,” groaned Belle, rolling her eyes. “We’re not even in the same egg group.”

“I, on the other hand,” began the Ditto, who gave a cheesy smile, but was cut off by an evil glare from Belle. He slowly hid behind her shoulder, and not another peep was heard from him.

“Let’s go,” Belle commanded briefly, as she made her way out of the grotto. The Hoppip and Burmy hesitantly followed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Who wants some ice cream!” Belle yelled, her love for the food making her drool and her eyes glisten. The room remained silent and awkward. The bounty hunters, and not even Blue, were expecting her passion for the frozen dairy dish.

“I have sorbet!” Belle coaxed, and the four settled for some exotic mango and lime sorbet. The peachy colour of the icy treat somehow relaxed everyone, and the bounty hunters began to explain their tale.

“Long ago, in a land far far away,” the Hoppip began, stroking her cottonweed hairs. “There lived a giant one eyed one horned flying purple people eater.”

“The people eater was big. And purple,” the somewhat frightened Burmy added. Hoppip sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, we saw it a few towns away, in a place called Havenville. That town is notorious for its low crime count,” Hoppip continued, moving her arms in all sorts of directions whilst telling the story. “The one eyed one horned flying purple people eater was spotted at around midday, whilst me and my colleague here were enjoying a toasted sunlight sandwich.”

“That thing floated right passed us, and then destroyed buildings everywhere with a strange blue beam. Everyone that wasn’t already dead either escaped or was eaten,” Burmy finished.

“You mentioned that the thing grew bigger when it ate something?” Asked Belle, whilst digging a spoon into her sorbet.

“Indeed,” replied the Burmy, a hint of worry written over its face.

“Poppycock!” Laughed Belle, giggling so much that her pot of sorbet fell onto the floor.

“Oh no,” Blue declared, as somehow he knew what would come next.

“M-my, m-my ice cream!” Screeched the long tongue Pokemon, who was now stood up and stamping on the floor. “My ice creeaam!”

The Lickitung started to charge around the room in circles in a rampaging frenzy, knocking over many ornaments, such as vases, and making everywhere wet with saliva. Quick thinking Blue came to save the day, however.

“Two things Belle!” Blue shouted at her whilst she was having her tantrum. “One, that is sorbet, not ice cream. And two, you can have mine.”

“Yay!” giggled Belle, as she took the tub of sorbet from Blue with her tongue, and happily plopped back down on the chair she was sitting at.

The room was now a mess. The yellow wallpaper covered with ice cream pictures were now dripping with saliva from Belle’s rampage, and the colour had started to run, much like how blood would drip down the skin from an open wound. The room no longer smelt of fruity substances, but of a metallic odour that poured tension into the room. The brown chairs the four Pokemon were sat at no longer seemed chocolaty and delicious due to the colour, but more of a muddy brown. Belle’s anger surely had changed the atmosphere of the area.

“Well, that was interesting,” the bagworm Pokemon commented, rustling its leaves around, wiping the sweat drop off of itself. “Now back to business.”

“How can we defeat the beast?” Asked Belle, flexing her tongue in and out of her sorbet. The Burmy look bewildered at this question, but Blue hopped into the scene, as if knowing the answer.

“Let’s use the wool we harboured when Belle shaved all them Mareep!” It shouted, whipping out different coloured fleeces. “The pigs down at the grotto made more jumpers from more shiny Pokemon, and mixed it with marijuana and ginseng. I then dyed them for originality.”

Belle tilted her head. “Blue, there’s only three pieces of clothing.”

“Bah, screw clothing,” the Ditto exclaimed, as he miraculously started to change shape. He glowed white, and he started growing taller, and gained a humanoid figure. Four limbs sprouted from the being, and when Blue stopped glowing, it had changed completely altogether.

“A power ranger?” Belle laughed, amused.

“Yah, why wear the clothing and the costumes when you can be the real thing?” Blue chuckled. It now had smooth, metallic, night blue armour, and now had no visible mouth or eyes.

“So, we do what we did against Albion? Fight them off with the fleeces?”

“Yes indeedy,” the Ditto replied.

The Hoppip and Burmy just looked at them, blank looks on their faces.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” The Hoppip frowned. She twirled her cotton leaves with her hands, her expression glued to her face. “You want us to be power rangers?”

Blue just grinned underneath his helmet. “You better believe it, dino-dude.”

“I want the yellow one!” Shouted Belle, who instantly snatched the shiny yellow wool off of Blue. “Ooh, it’s so pretty.”

“I guess I’ll take the red one,” pondered Burmy, who tottered over to Blue and tugged the wool from its grasp. He slipped it over his head, only to find it was too big. “I’ll grow into it.”

The group’s focus then turned onto Hoppip.

“No way, I’m not doing it!” She screamed. “Those jumpers are horrendous!”

“You have no say in the matter,” giggled Blue, who evilly run over to Hoppip, and slipped the remaining bogey green jumper over her body. The Hoppip immediately tried to pull the fleece back off of her, but her stubby arms prevented her from doing so.

“You better get this off me, right now!” she screeched, bouncing up and down the room. “Get it off me, or I’ll scream the place down!”

“We can’t have you doing that, missy,” taunted Belle, dropping her empty tub of sorbet to the floor. “That’s against state laws.”

“I’ll scream, I swear I will!”

“Try me.”

The Hoppip then let out a quiet high pitched squeak, and just as she did so, shouting and yelling could be heard from outside. The power rangers that consisted of Belle, Blue, Burmy and Hoppip (Otherwise known a B3H), burst through the Lickitung’s door, only to stare up at the face of the devil.

“Oh my lord,” whispered Belle.

“Golly, what have we here?” Exclaimed Burmy.

“Oh no, here it comes!” Shouted Hoppip.

“Everyone run, now!” Screamed Blue.

Except the four did not run. Their legs were glued to the spot. The giant demon floating above them floated about in the opposite direction to them, fortunately. It was big, purple, but looked somewhat innocent. It spewed out purple smog from what seemed to be the underside of its stomach, and that poisoned the people below. House tumbled, streets rumbled, organisations crumbled. The Flying Purple People Eater was on a ravaging path of destruction, a path of destruction that no-one seemed to be able to stop.

Suddenly snapping out of its trance, Blue started to Transform once more. It sprouted wings, grew longer in shape, and a propeller burst forward from this shape. When it stopped glowing, a plane big enough for five was standing beside our other three heroes.

“Get in you morons!” Commanded Blue, and without hesitation, he started up his engine. Belle, the Sunkern and the Hoppip didn’t hesitate either, and quickly hopped into the plane. Blue’s propellers started spinning, and the four were up, up and away!
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Old 02-03-2010, 12:24 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the One Eyed One Horned Giant Flying Purple People Eat

Chapter Three:

Unfortunately, The Flying Purple People Eater turned around and followed the blue plane, which was flying some distance away at high speed, towards the forest. The beast fired purple blobs of poisonous goo at the aircraft, and it barely hit the back of the plane. Luckily, the three heroes in the plane weren’t hit.

“Blue, are you OK?” Asked Belle, concerned that the attack might have had an effect on her friend.

“Nah, I’m a plane,” Blue responded, who continued to fly. “Planes cannot be poisoned, can they?”

Now that the group had raised awareness, Belle kept staring behind her, ready to instruct Blue to turn should it need to.

The devil that followed them fired three globs of poison sludge straight at them in repeated succession, and Belle immediately turned back to the plane.

“Turn left, now!” She shouted, and the plane immediately whizzed down into the dense forest, dodging trees that came across their path. Many of the trees were hit by the poison, and died. The Flying Purple People Eater continued to fire this poisonous substance, and the chase continued. The plane flew around many trees in a slalom style.

“Maybe I should join the Olympics next year!” Blue joked, but regretted it when the plane slammed into a tree. The vehicle jolted upwards, and the three boarding the plane came tumbling out. Seeing this, Blue immediately transformed into a parachute, and attached itself to Belle, who gently floated down. The Burmy used Hoppip as it’s own parachute, clutching on to its feet.

“Wow. It really reeks down here,” remarked the bagworm whilst floating down. The group gently landed on the ground, and the forest was eerily silent.

“Now what?” Whispered Belle to Blue, who had transformed back into his power ranger outfit.

“Just stay very still,” whispered Blue back, and all was still. There was no birds chirping. The sound of trees rustling had stopped. No crickets could be heard. No one breathed.

“I think we lost it.”

But suddenly, all the trees surrounding them shrunk, and began to turn eerily purple. They kept shrinking, until they no longer existed. The dieing trees had created a circle around them, and this became the perfect battlefield. It appears that The Flying Purple People Eater had fired more sludge at them, and the trees had to pay the price. The creature loomed in on its prey, and it was only now that Belle had noticed the small creature above the seed-demon’s head. Hercules let out a tiny tweet, and stared menacingly at the four Pokemon before him.

“Well well, what do we have here?” He asked rhetorically, his eyes still not moving an inch. “My good friends the bounty hunters, and Belladonna Griefkiller as well.”

The Hoothoot’s sarcasm made Hoppip angry. “Who the heck are you?”

“And how do you know who I am?” Belle also shouted. The bird chirped in delight at his inferior’s questions, and he did a small hop atop the Sunkern.

“Hah, all will be answered shortly,” Hoothoot reassured. “But tonight, we dine in hell!”

And with those final words, The Flying Purple People Eater started to move once again. The bounty hunters, Belle and Blue immediately assumed a fighting pose, and the battle had begun. Blue immediately started to attack by jumping in the air, doing a front flip towards the monster, and hitting it square at the top of its head with a plastic fist. Blue then rolled backwards in the air onto the ground. Blue smirked behind his helmet, but his jaw then dropped when he realised the Sunkern didn’t even flinch.

“Smite these fools!” Shouted the Hoothoot, as the Sunkern began chirping in a sweet fashion, as if he wanted the power ranger to strike again.

“What’s happening to my body?” Blue wondered, as he found himself repeating his earlier attack. “An Encore?”

“I’ve had you fools beat before we even begun!” Taunted the bird, whose eyes began to glow eerily blue. “Your friend there is stuck in a constant loop, but the rest of you will be stuck in a constant position!”

Faint blue auras then began to shroud around Hoppip, Burmy and Belle. They all quivered in the night, trying to break free from the Hoothoot’s psychic bonds.

“Argh! My limbs have become immobile!” Panicked the Burmy, shifting his eyes over to his comrades. They also struggled to move, and after a few seconds of constant twitching, the three finally gave up. Blue was still repeatedly hitting the Sunkern, and it didn’t seem like it was going to stop soon. The Sunkern still floated in the air, a happy smirk across its face.

“I like fireworks, don’t you?” Asked the owl, tilting its head as though it was pretending to be confused. “Well, except for the ‘works’ part.”

The Flying Purple People Eater then suddenly started to glow a bright, banana yellow. A light of concentrated energy began to form at the top of Sunkern’s ‘horn’, and this was suddenly fired over the heroes’ heads, and slammed into a tree. The heat of this energy caused the tree to burn and catch fire, and with the group immobilized, it appeared that hell seemed to be much closer than they thought.

“Just tell me,” pleaded Belle, who was even struggling to move her own lips. “How did you get the upper hand over us?”

“Simple,” began the half-god half-bird Pokemon. “I already knew about the hunters, and I learnt about you and your sweaters, Belle, from a reliable source. That way, I could use my psychic energy to render you and your sweaters useless!”

“Reliable source?” Asked the chameleon-like Pokemon. “Where was that, then?”

“Just a pretty little sheep I know. You may know him as Albion Quakemage.”

Belle just stared at Hercules, in awe. “H-he’s alive?!”

“Indeed,” replied the owl, who had the smuggest smirk on his face that was ever seen by mortal eyes.

“I don’t believe you!” Screamed the long-tongue Pokemon, but Hercules just laughed like a maniac.

“Well, trust me or not, you’re dieing tonight. Cheerio, my faithful friends!”

With that, Hercules and his Flying Purple Eater slave started to float away, leaving the four Pokemon to burn to ashes. However, this was not what happened.

Belle rolled her eyes up to see two faint glimmers floating in the distant sky. One was ocean blue and the other was jet black, with a small pink spot shining on the top of it. These glimmers got closer and closer, and it became all the more apparent what the lights were.

“Pokemon,” Belle whispered.

Indeed, the glimmers were Pokemon, and they floated down to the burning ring of fire, and greeted Belle. One was aquatic in shape and bodily features, donning gills and fins, and also matching the colours of the ocean. It also had a long ‘snout’ which looked like it could be used for eating or plumbing. The other creature was mammalian in appearance, and had the cutest button nose the land had ever seen. It had no legs, but a spring-like tail hung beneath it, and it used this for movement. A pink pearl sat atop it’s head, and Belle could see her face in it. The Horsea and Spoink both wore the same red cape that looked similar to the one that Superman wore.

“We are the fantastic two!” the Spoink said in a high pitched nasal voice. It bounced around excitedly, its cape flapping in the wind.

“I thought it was the fantastic four?” Snarled Blue, who was now fixed on the spot just like its friends. It silently growled below its breath, but the two super-Pokemon didn’t take offence.

“Super Magikarp and Super Caterpie didn’t think they were super enough,” sighed the Horsea, who had a soothing feminine accent. “Anyway, I suppose I better put this fire out!”

The seahorse Pokemon then began to spew gallons of water from its ‘snout’, and attempted to put out the fire. Rivers upon rivers of water appeared to have been used up, and almost instantly, the fire that blazed through the hearts of the trees was put out.

“Heh, super,” Belle smirked. The floating slave-seed-master that was above them did not think it was so super, however.

“Interfere with my plans will they!” The Hoothoot yelled from the skies with bloodshot eyes. “I’ll teach them to make a mockery of me! I’m just the typical world domination villain. Why don’t they ever get a chance to shine?”

The bird shot two psychic pulses through the air. The pink and blue colours that shone throughout them fluctuated every now and then.

“Oh no you don’t!” Super Spoink jumped in, hopping right in the path of the pulses, that were heading straight towards Belle. It then released its own psychic energy to counteract the power that was coming at them. The psychic pulse seem to just shatter before them, and The Flying Purple People Eater was then consumed in a pink aura. The Spoink had taken hold of it with its own psychic super powers.

“No!” Screeched the owl, and it immediately began to take on a foggy red aura, that shrouded the whole of itself and the Sunkern. “Last ditch explosion time!”

The fog continued to swirl around the pair of monsters, and then a bright white light penetrated through the rouge cloud. More light then followed, and screeching sounds could be heard everywhere. The ground began to rumble.

And then incredible energy was released. Belle had seen this energy before. It was similar to an Explosion attack. That stupid bird had sacrificed its own life for a silly reason. World domination. Selfish.

“I don’t want to go..,” Belle heard from above her, and she realised that was the soft voice of the Sunkern. The poor thing, manipulated and controlled for evil doings.

The explosion was bigger than anticipated. The energy swept across Belle and her friends, and completely consumed that section of the forest. Belle, Hoppip, Burmy, Blue, Super Spoink and Super Horsea. The blast had screwed them all over. Not one life was spared.

However, Blue was not giving up without a fight. It turned back into its original Ditto form, and then split into two, whilst glowing. Those two blobs stopped glowing. One was red, and one was green. This was the start of a new era. The two blobs appeared to take on the form of eggs, and two new Pokemon were going to be born from the tragedy. Red and Green the Ditto.

The forest was silent. Not one voice was heard. The two eggs just lie there, on the ground, next to the corpses of the former police officers and heroes. The forest remained quiet for what seemed like decades, but a piercing, low pitched voice filled with anger and vengeance cracked through the air.

“Sunkern, Sunkern, Sunkern.”
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  #5  
Old 02-03-2010, 12:27 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the One Eyed One Horned Giant Flying Purple People Eat

Pokemon attempting to capture: Horsea and Spoink
Characters needed: 30-50k
Characters included: 31650

Well, second story ever, and also my first couple of story deals. And yes, in case you were wondering, I do smell sequel. :9

Ready for grading!
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Old 02-26-2010, 02:53 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the OEOHGFPPE [Ready for grading!]

Sorry the grade isn't up yet. Been busy trying to rid some spyware from my laptop, so I'm forced to use the family comp. D: I'l finish reading and grading this tomorrow. :>

- Kat
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:35 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the OEOHGFPPE [Ready for grading!]

Plot: Randomness runs amok, and I must admit, I liked it a lot. The story was lighthearted and enjoyable to read despite the fact that I didn’t read the prequel. Although it was humorous, there was still plot and a touch of suspense that made me keep reading. For future stories, I would just suggest you expand on your actual plot more than what you did here, especially when you’re going for multiple Pokémon. Yes, it was fun to read about Hercules and the Sunkern, but the story as a whole would have benefited from more information. Who they are, why Hercules wants to rule the world, and all that good stuff would have been great to know. An expanded plot does not mean you have to sacrifice humor. It just means more meat onto the funny bone, if you catch my drift.

Introduction: I really appreciate you adding a summary to the prequel of this story, but remember that you should always do it, even when not asked. A grader may simply skip over your story because it’s a sequel to a story they haven’t read, and most graders won’t read what they’re not going to grade. A summary that’s already up and ready can be really useful.

The intro was really well done. You not only led us into the story with an ominous “That happened two months ago…” line, but the paragraph right after that gave me a good picture as how the area recovered after their ordeal. It added realism that is often forgotten in URPG stories. As for the characters, it couldn’t have hurt to give us a quick recap as to who they are and what they look like. From your summary, I sort of knew who was Belle, but I had no idea who Blue was. Even if the same grader is reading your chapter, a good refresher will just reinforce that picture in the reader’s mind instead of forcing them to remember.

Grammar/Spelling: It was good for the most part, but you had mistakes scattered around here and there that were a bit distracting.

Quote:
“I beg your pardon!” The Burmy shouted in a posh and snobby tone.
Sometimes you lowercased the word right after the dialogue correctly, but other times, you capitalized the word, like here. It’s no use to do it right some times and incorrectly other times. It looks incorrect as a whole because it seems you don’t know which one is right.

Quote:
Belle, Hoppip, Burmy, Blue, Super Spoink and Super Horsea.
You had one or two fragments like this spread throughout your story. I know you’re going for dramatic emphasis, but you can do that by connecting this fragment with a sentence using a comma or expanding it into a complete sentence.

Quote:
“Oh no you don’t!” Super Spoink jumped in, hopping right in the path of the pulses, that were heading straight towards Belle.
Your biggest, most distracting mistake by far. You add MANY commas that are unnecessary and disrupt the flow of a sentence. For example, when I read this aloud, I don’t naturally take a breath after “pulses”, so that comma is disrupting the way I read the sentence. The best advice I can give is to read your story aloud and place commas only where you feel the need to breathe. Now, the rest of your commas were correct, like the commaa before “but, and, or” and so on, so don’t change those.

Also, you referred to Burmy as Sunkern at the end of the second post, so carefully proofread your story.

Length: Fine.

Description/Detail: Your description was very good in most of the story’s areas, like the Pokémon appearance and attacks. However, I felt you could have added more description here and there to really bring the story to life. Some areas were skimpy at best, like the outside of the headquarters where the Sunkern was attacking and the fire that was consuming the forest. While the description of Blue’s transformations into a power ranger and the interior of the headquarters is great, expanded description on the much bigger scenarios needs to be there in order to fully impact the reader. Plus, since you’re going for multiple Pokémon, the description needs to be kicked up a notch, especially since this isn’t your first story.

Battle: The battle between the heroes and Hercules and Sunkern, though entertaining, could have gone on for much longer, especially considering the number of Pokémon involved. I can only imagine the attacks Sunkern had up its sleeves and what Blue’s abilities could have dealt. With so many possibilities, it really was disappointing to read the battle. Even if the Pokémon you’re going for aren’t in the battle, the battle is the end and can say a lot about your story. The ending is just as important as the introduction, if not more.

Horsea and Spoink’s entrance was a bit random, even for a humor story like yours. As the target Pokémon, I would have thought they would have more of a role than simply appearing, saving the day, then dieing in an explosion along with everybody else. Your story, no matter how random or humorous it might be, needs to tie in with the target Pokémon in some way. It says something about how creative and flexible you are with your story. Anybody can write up a random story and place a random Pokémon at the end to capture, but it takes a talented writer to incorporate that Pokémon into the actual plot of the story.

Outcome: It was hard for me to decide, but I‘ll say: Only Horsea captured! I’ll totally give you Spoink if you add some good description to those areas you just glazed over. Please bold any corrections/add-ons you make. PM me for a re-grade anytime! :3

- Kat
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  #8  
Old 02-27-2010, 09:18 AM
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Default Re: Belladonna Griefkiller and the OEOHGFPPE [Ready for grading!]

Thanks for the grade, and I'll start working on this story for the Spoink later. :]
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