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  #31  
Old 07-08-2011, 09:21 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - HOLY SARDINES, BATMAN

Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskapidove View Post
So this is mine, and it's kind of long, so bear with me. I told this to someone on AIM and cp'd it because I'm a lazy ass, by the way.

okay so
one day a fish is swimming just under the surface of the water
and a fly is flying just out of the fishes jumping distance
and the fish says to itself
if that fly comes six inches closer, ill jump up and eat him
and just then a bear on the shore look sand says, if that fish comes any closer, itll jump up and i can catch it and eat him
a little farther away, a hunter sees whats going on and says 'if that fly moves closer to that fish, itll jump and the bear will get it and ill shoot th ebear'
and then a rat standing behind the hunter thinks 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, itll jump and the bear will get it, and the hunter will shoot the bear, and i can get the sandwich from his pocket'
and behind the rat, a cat is watching everything and goes 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will get the sandwich, and ill get the rat'
then the fly drops a few inches, the fish gets the fly, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, the rat grabs the sandwich, and the cat jumps and misses the rat and lands in the lake
the moral of the story is: if the fly drops six inches, the pussy will get wet
Words cannot express... HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU THAT WAS BRILLIANT
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  #32  
Old 07-08-2011, 10:35 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - HOLY SARDINES, BATMAN

Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskapidove View Post
So this is mine, and it's kind of long, so bear with me. I told this to someone on AIM and cp'd it because I'm a lazy ass, by the way.

okay so
one day a fish is swimming just under the surface of the water
and a fly is flying just out of the fishes jumping distance
and the fish says to itself
if that fly comes six inches closer, ill jump up and eat him
and just then a bear on the shore look sand says, if that fish comes any closer, itll jump up and i can catch it and eat him
a little farther away, a hunter sees whats going on and says 'if that fly moves closer to that fish, itll jump and the bear will get it and ill shoot th ebear'
and then a rat standing behind the hunter thinks 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, itll jump and the bear will get it, and the hunter will shoot the bear, and i can get the sandwich from his pocket'
and behind the rat, a cat is watching everything and goes 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will get the sandwich, and ill get the rat'
then the fly drops a few inches, the fish gets the fly, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, the rat grabs the sandwich, and the cat jumps and misses the rat and lands in the lake
the moral of the story is: if the fly drops six inches, the pussy will get wet

This reminds me a lot of this:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/.../t-398550.html
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  #33  
Old 07-08-2011, 10:54 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - HOLY SARDINES, BATMAN

That's... unfortunate. However, that's not where I heard the joke from. I heard it a long time ago, back in middle school, but it's probably a common joke. :/ If that makes mine unusable, then yeah, I'll retract it. I thought we were allowed to use jokes we heard from other people. :X Sorry.
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  #34  
Old 07-08-2011, 11:45 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - HOLY SARDINES, BATMAN

hot girl: want to go fishing?
near: no my fishing level is already 99
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  #35  
Old 07-09-2011, 11:27 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU SPOKE UP TODAY

hey guys, I don't mind that you like talking about this stuff but I need to sort through these tonight

also if nobody posts entries before 12 AM EST... actually I forgot what I was gonna say but I'm grading right now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridley View Post
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.

I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.

Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok View Post

Haagen-Daz is an ice cream company, dumbass.

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  #36  
Old 07-10-2011, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU SPOKE UP TODAY

okay I'm gonna do a quick rundown with scores, I don't know how to get into detail about the millions of corny fish jokes in here :(

WINNERS:
1. Iso (Octopus Babies)
2. Husnain (Octopus Babies)
oh baby
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLC View Post
WHAT DO YOU CALL A FISH WITH NO EYES!?!

A FSH!!!!!!!!

I suck :(
okay :(

4/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3m0d0ll View Post
Brb while I Google fish jokes.

Spoiler:

Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbors?
A hermit crab!

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
To the prawn broker!

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather!

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
He got lockjaw!

Where do fish wash?
In a river basin!

What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!

How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale!

Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish!

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!

Where do you weigh whales?
At a whale weigh station!

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse!

Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!

What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid!

What do fish sing to each other?
Salmon-chanted evening!

How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row!

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
Monkfish!

What bit of fish doesn't make sense?
The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!

What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
A fish tank!

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?
Tsardines!

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?
A flat fish!

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
A beer-a-cuda!

Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean?
Billy the Squid!

What happened to the cold jellyfish?
It set!

What's the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people!

What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish!

Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea?
Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside!

How do the fish get to school?
By octobus!

Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed!

What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?
Birdsthigh fish fingers!

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)

What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?
Jellyfish!

What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
'Your plaice or mine'!

Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the 'Kelp-wanted' adds!

Why is a fish easy to weigh?
Because it has its own scales!

Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric 'eels!

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

To whom do fish go to borrow money?
The loan shark!

Why are gold fish orange?
The water makes them rusty!

Who held the baby octopus to ransome?
Squidnappers!

What part of a fish weighs the most?
It's scales!

What fish do road-menders use?
Pneumatic krill!

What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
They go sharkers!

What game do fish like playing the most?
Name that tuna!

What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas!

What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon?
An electric shark!

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
Jack the kipper!

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune!


No, I did not copy and paste from this website.

VILE.
oh my god

4/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by JokesterJesse View Post
What did one fish say to to another fish?

Were both fish.\


Team vile
gud 1

5/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fierce Deity View Post
VILE

Ok, a cat and his best friend, a fish, were at school right. Someone was fighting the cat, so then:

Cat: "Fish, help!"
Fish: "No, I'm a paciFISH"

So after he made that joke, right, they started to
it ended all of a sudden, what the

4/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Pichu Boy- View Post
The Cullen

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
I did not see this coming

5/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Jr Trainer View Post
2 + 2 = <><

btw i'm an octopus baby, i think i know my stuff
B)

4/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by LS the Door Mat View Post
NAME:LS

TEAM: Octupus Babies

ENTRY: Clicky
as much as I find hearing you speak amusing, that was really corny too :(

5/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskapidove View Post
So this is mine, and it's kind of long, so bear with me. I told this to someone on AIM and cp'd it because I'm a lazy ass, by the way.

okay so
one day a fish is swimming just under the surface of the water
and a fly is flying just out of the fishes jumping distance
and the fish says to itself
if that fly comes six inches closer, ill jump up and eat him
and just then a bear on the shore look sand says, if that fish comes any closer, itll jump up and i can catch it and eat him
a little farther away, a hunter sees whats going on and says 'if that fly moves closer to that fish, itll jump and the bear will get it and ill shoot th ebear'
and then a rat standing behind the hunter thinks 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, itll jump and the bear will get it, and the hunter will shoot the bear, and i can get the sandwich from his pocket'
and behind the rat, a cat is watching everything and goes 'if that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will get the sandwich, and ill get the rat'
then the fly drops a few inches, the fish gets the fly, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, the rat grabs the sandwich, and the cat jumps and misses the rat and lands in the lake
the moral of the story is: if the fly drops six inches, the pussy will get wet
jegus :(

3/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iso View Post
Name: Iso
Team: Octopus Babies:
Entry: Click here.
made me chuckle

7/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Husnain View Post
hot girl: want to go fishing?
near: no my fishing level is already 99
OH U

20/10 hus wins 6/10



Okay so HUMOR WILL NOT BE GOING ON FOR WEEK 3. THIS IS WHAT YOU GUYS GET FOR PASTING GRANDPA JOKES INTO YOUR SUBMISSIONS. :'(

Humor Event will resume Week 4.
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridley View Post
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.

I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.

Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok View Post

Haagen-Daz is an ice cream company, dumbass.


Last edited by Hoshika; 07-10-2011 at 06:29 PM.
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  #37  
Old 07-17-2011, 04:02 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - YOU MAY SUBMIT THIS WEEK

OKAY IT'S WEEK 4 NEW THEME.

PANTS

Anything funny that has to do with pants. Be more original this time. :I
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridley View Post
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.

I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.

Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok View Post

Haagen-Daz is an ice cream company, dumbass.

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  #38  
Old 07-17-2011, 06:06 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - YOU MAY SUBMIT THIS WEEK

NAME: TheEvilDookie
TEAM: Octopus Babies
ENTRY: http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z...g?t=1310882735

I HOPE YOU ENJOY
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  #39  
Old 07-18-2011, 02:32 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - YOU MAY SUBMIT THIS WEEK

Simmi
The Armada


Two pants are walking across a street when a truck hits one of the pants.
The pants are rushed to the hospital.
The next day the other pants come to the hospital too visit the other pants and say "Life was short pants".
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  #40  
Old 07-21-2011, 09:18 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - PANTS DANCE

i'm an octopus

Ok. So at my dad's 60th birthday party there was a lot of alcohol and my mom being the person she is wants all of her gal friends to take shots of tequila. So the shots happen and my mom continues to take more and more shots eventually becoming ridiculously wasted. As people walk by the kitchen table where her and her friends are sitting she yells

"TAKE A SHOT TO JOIN THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS"
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  #41  
Old 07-23-2011, 06:32 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - PANTS DANCE

NAME: Iso
TEAM: Octopus Babies
ENTRY: http://i.imgur.com/YjL0m.png

The original comic can be found here: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/law-fo...s#.TipRKoLkaSo
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  #42  
Old 07-24-2011, 06:10 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - PANTS DANCE

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEvilDookie View Post
NAME: TheEvilDookie
TEAM: Octopus Babies
ENTRY: http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z...g?t=1310882735

I HOPE YOU ENJOY
AND I DID ENJOY

8/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Simmi View Post
Simmi
The Armada


Two pants are walking across a street when a truck hits one of the pants.
The pants are rushed to the hospital.
The next day the other pants come to the hospital too visit the other pants and say "Life was short pants".
I didn't really get this one :?

5/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Jr Trainer View Post
i'm an octopus

Ok. So at my dad's 60th birthday party there was a lot of alcohol and my mom being the person she is wants all of her gal friends to take shots of tequila. So the shots happen and my mom continues to take more and more shots eventually becoming ridiculously wasted. As people walk by the kitchen table where her and her friends are sitting she yells

"TAKE A SHOT TO JOIN THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS"
tryan too hard

4/10

Quote:
Originally Posted by Iso View Post
NAME: Iso
TEAM: Octopus Babies
ENTRY: http://i.imgur.com/YjL0m.png

The original comic can be found here: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/law-fo...s#.TipRKoLkaSo
funny, but MINUS ONE MILLION POINTS FOR KYM LINK

-1000006/10 (add a million for original score) (6/10)

So TED's in first with 3 points and Iso is second with 2. yea

NEXT THEME: DOORS
^I'll make an official post later
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridley View Post
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.

I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.

Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok View Post

Haagen-Daz is an ice cream company, dumbass.

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  #43  
Old 07-24-2011, 11:20 AM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - PANTS DANCE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoshika View Post
AND I DID ENJOY

8/10



I didn't really get this one :?

5/10



tryan too hard

4/10



funny, but MINUS ONE MILLION POINTS FOR KYM LINK

-1000006/10 (add a million for original score) (6/10)

So TED's in first with 3 points and Iso is second with 2. yea

NEXT THEME: DOORS
^I'll make an official post later
Yay third! :D

It sounds a lot funnier in Icelandic I guess, seeing short pants = stuttbuxur which = shortshorts/exercise pants .. ^^;

So were suppose to come up with knock knock jokes? O.O;
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  #44  
Old 07-24-2011, 08:54 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - PANTS DANCE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Simmi View Post
So were suppose to come up with knock knock jokes? O.O;
I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING (really)

Do whatever you want but most knock-knock jokes are horribly corny. ;(
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridley View Post
I suffer from some desease where I just don't feel like catching a pokemon unless it's rare, which ends in me never catching com mons.

I finished Gold with a pokedex of 6.

Oak's Rating: "Congratulations! Looks like you've learned how to use a pokeball!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok View Post

Haagen-Daz is an ice cream company, dumbass.

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  #45  
Old 07-24-2011, 09:01 PM
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Default Re: [WAR X] Humor 2011 - let's play some ding dong derp

VILE.

I haz a gud wun gaiz:

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey, be a dear and make me a sandwich.
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