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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 11-08-2005, 11:53 AM
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Default The Pokemon glitch

This is my first fan-fiction, so if it's terrible, please don't blame me!
It will start as 2 short chapters, but as time passes, I'll add more.




The Pokemon glitch

I

“Ben, time for supper!” shouted Ben’s mom. “Coming…” murmured Ben, in a saddened voice. Already he could feel his hands slightly fading away. “Uh…mom, may I be excused? I, um, need to use the restroom.” Said Ben. “I’ve got to get to the lab!” he thought. Up until his most recent battle with a most interesting pokemon, Ben had been as normal as you are. The odd thing is, ever since the battle with this mysterious, uncatchable, pokemon, Ben had been feeling as weak as a drenched cat. Strangely enough, his hands had been getting fainter and fainter looking with every passing day, until they were almost see-through. Even odder, his mother didn’t notice any of these happenings! Ben thought, “There’s only one person who can help me now, and that’s Professor Jack!” Ben went upstairs, opened the special passageway, and slid down the tube-like tunnel, which led to a massive basement that nobody except him and the professor knew about. Once that was over, Ben paced over to the barrels that were blocking the lab entrance. Ben punched them with his hands, but they just went through them anyway. “Oh, I forgot about that.” Said Ben. This time, he used his head, in which I mean he literally used his own head to knock down the barrels. Then he knocked on the door with his elbow. “Welcome, I wonder what adventures await us today!”

II

“Actually, this is more of a nightmare come true than an adventure, Professor.” Replied Ben, looking at the experimented-on pokemon around the room. “Why so?” asked Professor jack. Then he just realized it. “B-Ben, what’s wrong with your hands?” Stuttered the Professor. “And Ben, I have one question for you. Where have you last been battling pokemon at?” Demanded the Professor. “At the sea near Fuchsia City. Why do you want to know?” Replied Ben. “Oh no, oh no, oh gosh no!” Yelled the professor with immense shock. “I did encounter one pokemon that I had never seen before” Said Ben. That one sentence gave the strangely frightened professor a very blank face. “It was a brick shaped pokemon that called itself ‘Anthrax’, or ‘A’. It did not speak like normal pokemon speak today, but instead talked our language. It said ‘three, two, one, infected.’ and with an evil grin, disappeared. Out of the blue, I felt a tremendous shock to my body. Probably near 30 volts. And later, well, this happened.” Explained Ben as he held out his hands. “That, Ben, is an unstable, half-finished experiment on a beedrill, hoping for a 4th evolution,” replied the Professor. That moment, Ben experienced another dreadful, 30-volt shock. “Ben, what’s wrong?” gasped the Professor. “Pretty soon you’ll be gone too, Professor,” Laughed Ben with an evil, different voice. Ben fainted.
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2005, 10:42 PM
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Default Re: The Pokemon glitch

this is kinds different. but in a good way. i think that you are ok at writing thism just add a lil more detail. Also a few spelling mistakes.(when in a conversaison when it goes from one charecter to another it is a new parafraph like "where were you battling last night?" asked the professor

"In a sea near Fusicha City." I replied or something like that.

It reminds me of Danny Phantom the tv show. Keep writing i wanna read the next part. XD (look at it sideways)

Last edited by PainKiller; 11-08-2005 at 10:45 PM.
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Old 11-09-2005, 03:18 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon glitch

Complains
  1. More of a Krabby then Beedrill
  2. Cannot be found in Sea routes
  3. Only shock move is tm thunder which fires more volts than you said
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Old 11-11-2005, 06:54 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon glitch

Quote:
Originally Posted by Missingnoleader
Complains
  1. More of a Krabby then Beedrill
  2. Cannot be found in Sea routes
  3. Only shock move is tm thunder which fires more volts than you said
sheesh, who cares if it is exact? And why does It matter to you? Your not the one writing the story?

Anyway, that was really good to read, I think you are definately good at this.
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  #5  
Old 11-12-2005, 03:12 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon glitch

This story needs a complete overhaul. Fix up your spacing, there should always be a space between different characters dialogue. Way too short. Not enough description. A chapter should really be no less than 1000 words long.
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  #6  
Old 11-18-2005, 05:03 PM
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Default Re: The Pokemon glitch

Sorry you guys. (Please don't flame me though) I guess this was way too short, even for my first one. I can still post the next 2 pages (still short though) if ya' want, but after that, I'm closing down.
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