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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 08-27-2005, 04:27 PM
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Default Too Fast For Charizard!!!

TOO FAST FOR CHARIZARD!!!

At six A.M. a young boy named Chase woke up to his dreadful alarm clock. With his eyes closed he swung his loose hand across his wooden table. His hand missed and lightly touched the small bright orange alarm clock. The alarm clock repeated the sound of a Charizard full of energy. After several seconds of hearing the repeated sounds of the alarm clock he began to get irritated. He swung his hand fiercely at the alarm clock hitting it this time, it stopped. His eyes slowly opened as his vage vision became clear. He rose from his bed and headed to the bathroom. After reaching the bathroom he had turned the knob at the sink which had a baby blue letter C on it which represented cold. Clear water dropped from the shiny silver faucet. Chase slowly put his hands under the faucet and let his hands fill up with water. Then, he rose his hands and put his face in the water. The water had overflowed as his face hit the cold water. He dropped his hands and grabbed a hanged towel beside him. The fluffy towel had dried his face off. He grabbed a red and white stick with a brush at the end. He then grabbed a white and blue tube and unscrewed a small top and squeezed the tube. Toothpaste fell out of the tube.

He rubbed the brush against his small white teeth. He turned the water faucet back on and spit the toothpaste. After that, he washed his mouth out with the clear water.

He walked back into his room and opened a wooden door by twisting a golden door knob. He grabbed a hung white T-shirt and a blue shirt with thin black stripes from his closet. He then walked to a wooden dresser and grabbed a pair of white underwear and a pair of a cotton and denim blue jean shorts. He quickly put the clothes on and grabbed a black hand-held device and a dark blue watch.

He slipped the hand-held in his pocket and put the watch around his wrist. He then headed to the living room.
He entered the vast white living room and told his parents and big sister good morning.
"Good morning everyone." ,said Chase. They all replied to his words, saying good morning. "Momma I'm going to Papa's house with Rapidash ok?"
,said Chase's sister. "Ok, whatever" said Penny.

Penny was Chase's mother and Dean was his father.

As Chase began to walk out of the door to go outside his sister asked "Where are you going?",said his sister. Chase looked at her as so he was annoyed. "I'm gonig to deliver the package to the Professor." "Oh ok." "Why where are you going?" Well if you would've listened than you would've heard that I was going to Papa's house." Chase walked out as he took a sniff of the morning fresh air and he heard the usual beautiful singing by the morning birds. He gladly walked to the back yard humming. When he got to the backyard he looked around and saw his mom's beautiful Persian named Abby laying on a stiff tree branch while swinging it's wild tail with it's eyes closed purring. His dad's huge fluffy Arcanine named Leo was jumping everywhere full of energy. Leo stopped jumping and ran to Chase. *pant,pant*Leo made a loud panting sound after his jumping. "Hey LEO!!!" ,said Chase. "Stop,Stop HAHAHEHHA!!!" said Chase. Leo was continuously licking Chase with his big pink tung. After a minute or two Leo finally stopped leaving Chase covered with drool. He kept walking down his very vast green yard when he came upon a huge orange dragon. The dragon has huge wings the size of queen sized beds. He also had a tail as long as Chase's bedroom with a huge red flame at the end. the dragon was laying down as so it was asleep. "Well Charizard you ready for today?",said Chase. The huge dragon quickly open it's eyes and rose to it's computer monitor sized feet. "Char!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Charizard yelled out blowing brightly colored red and orange flames from it's mouth. " Let's go Rapidash!!!" ,said Desirae. She hopped on Rapidash and the horse with bright flames attached to it's back took off with extreme speed as it jumped over the brown wooden fence.

Desirae is known as Ray Ray, Chase's sister.

Chase jumped on the huge dragon and flew off soaring like an eagle.
After ten to fifteen minutes they had reach a small town known as Pokéville.

They flew to a small red brick house to give the package. *Knock* "Professor...are you there? Hmm...I guess not."
He slid the pack into the small red mailbox. Then, they flew off.
" Hey Charizard lets go look for some Pokémon in the forest." , said Chase. They made a quick landing into the vast number of trees. In that forest it is very easy to get lost without a flying Pokémon. They walked through the forest searching for new Pokémon. After a long walk Charizard noticed some thing in the bushes glaring at them. " Char!!!! "

A green Pokémon with clear wings and big shiny blades attached to it's arms jumped from it's hiding spot. " Scyther!!!" the ,said the green Pokémon. " That must be a Scyther. I've been waiting for one of those to appear. Let's go Charizard, hit it with Flamethrower! "

A big stream of bright red flames struck from Charizard's huge mouth. Scyther disappeared and dodged the flames. Struck with devastation, Chase said, "Waa...where did it go? Oh no, Scyther might be too fast for Charizard's huge body to react in time. We'll need a different approach Charizard! Smokescreen then Flamethrower! " Char!!!!!!"

Black smoke rushed out of Charizard's huge mouth as it covered there area. But, before Charizard could release it's fatal flames, Scyther's small wings flapped with great agility and cleared the smoke. Scyther was circling and jumping around Charizard with lightning like speed.

With no other ideas " Fire Spin!!!! " A huge stream of bright flames shot out once more to the ground. After hitting the groung an ENORMOUS tornado of bright flames shot out towards the sky, knocking Scyther away.
In a disappointed voice, Chase had said " Darn it, it didn't trap it beneath the flames. "

Scyther rose back up with hardly any damage and still full of fight. " Charizard...we have to retreat. "
Chase hopped on Charizard and they swiftly flew into the blue sky.

After reaching back home Chase entered his room and sat down to think. Frustrated like a Lion in a fight he thought,
" Charizard isn't fast enough. But, what can I do. Leo, Abby , and Rapidash are only fast in running. How can I stop that lightning like speed Scyther has. "
*RING* *RING* *RING* The handheld started to vibrate and make a loud ringing sound. Chase slid the small gray pen out of the back of the handheld to tap the screen. He hit a small square to enlarge the small part of the screen. In surprise Chase said,
" Oh, its papa. " Chase hit a small speaker symbol to listen. After hitting the speaker, he hit a small symbol of what looked like a TV. The two symbols slowly ran into each other to form a bigger screen. The screen showed his grandpa as he was talking. " Hey Chase, can you come to our house we have something we want to show you. " " Yeah, ok. " Then Chase thought with a small grin, " That's it...that is how I'll get it. " He immediately rose up to his feet and ran to get Charizard. After entering the living room he heard,
" Hey no running in the house! " ,his parents yelled fiercely. He ran out the door ignoring his parents. He went back to his vast green yard and got Charizard. " Charizard let's go buddy! " " Char!!!!!!!!!!!! "He immediately hopped on Charizard as they swiftly flew off.
After reaching there house he walked in.
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  #2  
Old 08-27-2005, 04:28 PM
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Default Re: Too Fast For Charizard!!!

Hey papa! How's Larvitar doing." ,said Chase in an excited voice " Well that's just the thing. " ,said papa in a down voice. " Is he ok? " " Well...Larvitar isn't here anymore...not in this world. " " What!!!!!!! What happened? " ,Chase yelled in a devastated voice. " Well...HE EVOLVED!!!!!!!!!!" ,papa yelled excitedly. "ALRIGHT!!!!!" ,Chase replied. " Well can I use him to capture a Scyther? " ,he asked seriously. " Yeah. " papa handed him the Scyther with Gratitude. " Thanks. " ,he said happily.
They flew off and went back to the forest faster than ever. Scyther was at the same spot ready to battle.
" Wow what a coincidence finding you here. " said a mysterious vice. " Just come out and fight you coward." ,Chase replied angily. A tall person with a black beret and black suit with a huge red letter R on the front.
" This is my Scyther and I caught it with a dark ball. " ,he said proudly. In devastation Chase replied, " A...Rocket...but I thought we wiped you out years ago....heh...it doesn't matter, I have to purify that Scyther, and that's what I plan on doing! "
Let's see if you can Scyther attack!!!! " " Go Pupitar!!! "
A jet of red light shot out of a red and white ball. A red figure turned into a Pupitar.
" Let's begin with Double Team Scyther! " You to Pupitar " Both Pokémon split themselves into exact copies. " Now Scyther use Swords Dance! " All of the Scythers started spinning with great agility. " This could get dirty. Pupitar Mud Slap! " Each of the Pupitars dug a little bit of themselves into some soft mud and threy it towards Scyther. Before the Scythers could stop spinning they were covered in mud which made the fake ones dissapear. " Alright, now use Earthquake! " Each of the Pupitars jumped up which made the ground shake. The ground quickly rose beneath Scyther and threw him up fiercly where he hung around a tree branch while slowly gathering itself back together. " Double Team again and start slashing the Pupitars. Scyther quickly made more copies of itself. Then it jumped with lightning speed towards the Pupitars. " Try another Mud Slap! " But before they could dig themselves in the soft brown mud they were slashed and thrown back with the copies gone. " Oh no. " ,said Chase. The original Pupitar was being slashed and was steady losing hit points. " Yes...were wining keep it up Scyther. " Use Screech Pupitar! " " Pu...Pupitar!!! "
A very loud, annoying, and disturbing sound came from Pupitar and made the Scyther copies disapear. Scyther put it's blades to it's ear as the screech faded away. " Slash Scyther! " Scyther quickly dash to Pupitar and started circling it with slashes. " Use Sandstorm Pupitar! " Pupitar immediatly started spinning and an enormous tornado of sand appeared and knocked Scyther against a tall tree. " Finish it off with Hyper Beam!!!!!!!!! " "PUPITAR!!!!" a rather large glowing beam shot out of Pupitar's mouth and struck the already damaged Scyther through the tall old rotten tree. Scyther tried to rise to it's feet but couldn't. " Well time to go." the Rocket member ran of. " Wait! Ah oh well. Go Pokéball !!! " A red and white Pokéball was thrown spinning towards the Scyther when it bopped him on his head a red stream shot out of the ball like lightning and drew Scyther in to the ball. Chase stood there as the ball was shaking and consuming the Scyther as Scyther tried to fight it. * Shake, shake*
To Be Continued.....
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  #3  
Old 09-06-2005, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: Too Fast For Charizard!!!

O and yeah it is ready for grading. I'm not sure if I stated that or not.
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  #4  
Old 10-18-2005, 04:11 AM
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Default Re: Too Fast For Charizard!!!

story:
well, I'm kinda confused what is going on here. the plot doesn't make sense and nothing connects one thing to the next. even so, why bother putting a TR member in there when he serves no real purpose

grammer:
you must separate paragraphs when new dialogue is said. for example, the paragraph starting with "As Chase began to walk out of the door..." is too cluttered with too much. you need to separate speeches in new paragraphs. it will look a lot better.

detail:
I know I say add lots of detail, but there is some that isn't necessary. "He grabbed a red and white stick with a brush at the end. He then grabbed a white and blue tube and unscrewed a small top and squeezed the tube. Toothpaste fell out of the tube." instead of all that, say "He brushed his teeth." this way it's less wordy and better to the point. you don't want to add boring details unless it makes the story better.
no, I won't penalize you.

battle:
I don't think it's long enough for a Scyther, but the battle is interesting. but I don't understand why TR would still be there if he had caught Scyther. and on top of that, TR member loses, wouldn't he return Scyther to his Dark Ball?

realty:
too many openings that don't connect and/or make sense. again, Scyther wouldn't be abandoned like that.

tips:
the story itself needs to be longer. to get this, you have to fill in the gaps such as: Chase is bringing a package to the professor but never does; why is TR there; finds rare Scyther easily. That's a good start, if you choose to re-write.

Outcome- Scyther Not Captured!

~Jack~
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  #5  
Old 12-10-2005, 11:39 PM
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Default Re: Too Fast For Charizard!!!

Chase stood there, anxious, ready to see what was gonna happen. Right then, the Pokéball popped up like a basketball with too much air.

"What!? That Hyper Beam! But how!?"

Chase was confused on how the Scyther broke out of that ball when a Hyper Beam hit him just like that, it was a direct hit. He stood there, thinking on how that had happened. Then, he saw other Scythers slam into the Scyther that stood right there.

"That's how. The Hyper Beam got a direct hit, but not on the real Scyther. It was another form of Scyther's Double Team. When the Hyper Beam hit the tree, Scyther fell and his wing hit the Hyper Beam. That is why only his wing is damaged from that attack. Well, it doesn't matter, Scyther can't retaliate as fast now."

Chase looked at his Pupitar, it was already running out of energy. It was breathing extremely hard. The Double Teams did the same. Pupitar sat there and hoped. He was hoping that Scyther wouldn't try to recover, and would try to use this time to recover. They were both not able to really fight that well. And both Chase and Pupitar knew that Scyther could take Pupitar down at the moment.

Chase looked over to see something shaking in the bushes. The Rocket jumped back in, and was very excited of this oppurtunity.

"I didn't think that Scyther would get captured, so I went and got this!"

A large mechanical arm, the exact shape of Scyther's arms. Then he pulled out another one, that looked just like Scyther's wings. He even painted the two machines green. He threw it as Scyther threw his left arm out and directed out his wings so that the machine could slide on to him. He did this as soon as he pulled them out, as so he knew what the Rocket member was doing.

Chase shook, as so he knew that this was gonna be bad. He quickly said, and quickly hoped for an answer when he said, "What is that!? What is that supposed to do?!"

The Rocket member just grinned and happily said, " This will regenerate and improve Scyther's strenght. All of you damage on his left arm and wings, are being regenerated. All of that energy for nothing."

Chase froze, and just stood as the Scyther slowly regaining its energy. He couldn't even think about how to beat Scyther now.

"What is your purpose of doing this!?" Chase wondered that as is struck his head.

"The boss told me to flood you all out of here like you did us those few years ago. He wants me to get all of your Pokémon and take over this place. And who better to trust than one of his elite's?"

"You will never get that done, not with me here!" Chase sounded so determined to make his words happen.

"Please, you can't beat my Scyther, and you expect to beat me. Don't make me laugh." The Rocket smiled once again.

The machine made a beep and a green light shined brightly. The machine parts fell. Scyther began swinging his regenerated arms freely as he liked the new strength.

Scyther flew towards Pupitar as images of swords appeared and more of Scyther came out, it was a Swords Dance and Double Team.

"Scyther, meet me at the proffessor's house when you are done, he can't win now"

The Rocket walked off.

Chase looked at Pupitar and noticed that it was not breathing hard anymore and the sweat was clearing. He then knew that Pupitar's energy had restored. But, he would have to watch how he used Pupitar's energy.

"Double Team now, Pupitar!"

Pupitar again quickly made copies of itself.

Scyther ran in and rammed the Pupitar with its incredible speed and power. With Scyther so fast that it hit Pupitar by the time it got one copy in.

A tornado of sand swung around and hit Scyther. Scyther flew out and hit slid its arms and wings into the machine parts. Scyther got up from its fall without any problems.

"But how?" Chase said with his eyes wide open, "The sandstorm was tearing Scyther up just a second ago, but now it doesn't even tickle it!"

Chase was completely drained of ideas. Then he thought, he knew one way to get Scyther.

"Pupitar! Double Team!" Chase said with a grin as he pointed towards Scyther.

Scyther quickly flew in as dust kicked up. The sandstorm rammed Scyther once more. Pupitar got his Double Team images all in.

"Screech now, Pupitar!"

Pupitar drew in a breath. He through out a huge sound, it seemed to disturb Scyther alot more than before. The machine started to shock Scyther. Then a bolt of energy shot at Pupitar. The energy hit Pupitar and did alot of damage.

"Whoa!" Chase said with excitement, "that thing can use energy inside of the user, and shoot it! This will be interesting."

Scyther fell, being disturbed twice as much by Screech and its energy being drained, was too much for the little body to handle all at one time.

"Now Pupitar! Rock Slide!"

Chase just new this would do something to Scyther.

Pupitar hit the ground. Rocks slid down a huge hill and fell on top of Scyther.

"Yes! We did it!"

Chase jumped in the air with excitment.

"Now to throw the ball."

Chase grabbed a small ball from his pocket that increased in size when he grabbed it, it was yellow and black, an Ultra Ball.

Right then the rocks threw to the side. Scyther got up. The machine regenerated Scyther. Dust swept up, Chase could see the angry Scyther. He rose up one of his arms and charged in towards Pupitar. Pupitar was hit and ran into a huge hill. Scyther charged in again. The sandstorm hit Scyther. This time, it devoured him within' the twirling sand.

"Rock Slide!"

Chase was just a little worried. He was wondering what was happening.

When Pupitar jumped for another Rock Slide, the sandstorm was thrown and it knocked Pupitar a pretty good ways. Scyther stood in the spot where he had been devoured by the sandstorm. He flew even faster than before! This was about four times faster! Scyther feriously started slashing Pupitar. Pupitar did not like the fact that it evolved and it was about to lose its first battle in the new body. Pupitar charged in everything.

"I understand Pupitar." Chase said with a roared at Pupitar, "DO IT!!! FINISH THIS WITH A HYPER BEAM!!! GIVE IT YOUR ALL NOW!!!"

"PU.......................PI...................... ..TAR!!!!!"

A sudden burst of glowing energy with extreme pressure very that could very well obliterate Scyther roared and lighted up the night sky while still gliding from being thrown by the Sandstorm. The machine used the last bit of energy to protect Scyther.

Chase watched in great disturbance, "You can do it Pupitar!" Chase roared.

As the light started to clear....Pupitar was completely tired out. He sat there just wanting to breath from the energy and intense pressure.

Chase looked and saw Scyther laying there as he ran over towards Pupitar. He grabbed Pupitar and smiled, "You did your best buddy." Chase said, with a impressed voice, as so he didn't care about Scyther.

He threw the Pokéball at Scyther. A red glare devoured Scyther into the red and white ball. The ball's point in the middle of the ball glowed a bright red. The ball began to feircly shake. It made a small sound, from it trying to devoure the Scyther, and any energy t might have left.

Chase just sat there, thoughts raging through his head about this Scyther and how he could help it. He became very nervous, and wanted to run and hold the ball clamped shut, but he quickly decided to stay by Pupitar, as they both sat there, nervous, quivering in the night's whistling wind.
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  #6  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:17 PM
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Default Re: Too Fast For Charizard!!!

sorry for missing this story.

The addition is a great improvement from the beginning you wrote a few months back. Well done filling in gaps and extending the battle.

Outcome- Scyther Caught!

~Jack~
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