Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #151  
Old 02-17-2005, 08:11 AM
Dragon Lover's Avatar
Dragon Lover Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Uuuuuhhhh....oh ya in my house
Posts: 1,406
Send a message via MSN to Dragon Lover
Post Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

This story is reallly good and i personally love long storys cant wait for your next post *wating..*
Reply With Quote
  #152  
Old 02-19-2005, 02:14 AM
Dr Skottie's Avatar
Dr Skottie Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ipswich, Australia!
Posts: 413
Send a message via MSN to Dr Skottie
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

The pair ran hard out, their shoes thumping the grass covered earth below their feet. Side by side, a mischievous grin spread across Bonnie's face. Without warning she flung a hand out and pushed Kevin hard. Kevin's eyes widened in shock as he was knocked sideways, almost landing flat on his face. Bonnie laughed and raced ahead up the hill, pulling away from him. With his mouth set into a determined grin, Kevin pushed himself hard, sprinting to catch up to the laughing girl.

Just as he was about to catch her, she stopped abruptly next to Jacob who had also stopped running. Jacob stuck an arm out and barred Kevin's way and the son of Lance was glad he had. They were standing atop the hill but in front of them it was a steep decent. Kevin saw a flight of concrete steps off to the right. If Jacob hadn't had held him back, Kevin would have gone tumbling down the embankment. Kevin rubbed his left arm nervously... he didn't want to break anything just after he'd gotten the cast removed.

Kevin looked out at the view and realised they'd arrived at their destination.

“Wow” he said in awe and his companions nodded in assent. The Lake of Rage. Its rippling surface reflected the shining sun that hung high overhead in the sky. The water was a hue of deepest blue and was peppered with the little shapes of boats floating on the water. Children splashed in the shallows with their pokemon, while smiling parents watching on happily. Kevin was a bit taken aback at the sheer size of it. It looked like a small sea. The lake almost dissapeared over the horizon, but Kevin could just make out a line of trees on the far side. The sun was beaming, the water was blue, the grass beneath their feet a rich green. Dad's right, thought Kevin to himself, this has to be one of the most beautiful places in the world.

“Registration for the Lake of Rage Fishing Competition will close in approximately five minutes” An amplified voice resounded throughout the area.

“You heard the man, lets get going!” said Jacob. He led the way over to the right and down the stairs until they found themselves on the grassy field that surrounded this end of the lake. There was a large wooden building that was built half on shore, half on the water, held up by sturdy posts that emerged from the waters surface. A couple of docks branched out from the building, unused boats tied onto them.

Jacob went through the doorway, Kevin and Bonnie on his heels. While Jacob went over to the registration desk to sign them up as a team, Kevin and Bonnie had a look around. Hanging from the walls were many photos, some old black and white ones that seemed a little faded; to some brand new ones, that looked like they had been hung up just a few minutes ago.

“These must be all past winners of the fishing competition” said Bonnie.

Kevin studied the photographs, Bonnie by his side. Each showed a grinning person with a pokemon, all of them water types. One of the old photos showed an old man with a drooping moustache, face split in a toothy grin, holding a collosal magikarp. Kevin's eyes widened. He didn't know magikarp could grow so big. He had a look at the one next to it. A young girl stood with her arm around a Quagsire, both sticking their tongues out. Kevin smiled. Cute.

They kept checking out the photos. When they got to the more recent ones, one caught Kevin's eye. He couldn't believe it! It was his dad! He stood their with his hands on his hips, black laquered armour shimmering. He was winking at the camera, his shock of spiky red hair sticking out everywhere. But Kevin's disbelief didn't stop there.

Behind the figure of his father was a Gyarados, rearing up out of the Lake. This Gyarados was almost twice as big as Kevin's own Gyarados; and its scales were ruby red.

“Lance Sun?” said Bonnie reading the caption. She turned to him. “Is that your dad?”

Kevin looked at her increduously. “Yeah of course it is, havent you ever seen him before?”

“I never really watched much tv back at home” she replied. “Didn't read too many magazines either.”

“Why not” asked Kevin.

“I was just too busy, either being at school, looking after Eevee, helping my sister's with their performances. Getting councelling...”

She went silent and Kevin's stomach twisted uncomfortably. I know what it feels like he said inside his own head. To see someone you care for being murdered before your eyes. The memory of Old Man Dojo, gasping for breath as blood spurted from his chest, flashed into Kevin's mind. He shook his head abruptly, trying to supress the thought.

“We're all set to go” came Jacob's cheerful voice from behind them. “Lets go get our fishing gear.”
__________________

Last edited by Dr Skottie; 02-20-2005 at 01:25 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #153  
Old 02-19-2005, 02:24 AM
Hoenn Mirror Girl's Avatar
Hoenn Mirror Girl Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 2)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: California
Posts: 2,616
Send a message via ICQ to Hoenn Mirror Girl Send a message via AIM to Hoenn Mirror Girl Send a message via MSN to Hoenn Mirror Girl Send a message via Yahoo to Hoenn Mirror Girl
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

I guess Old Man Dojo's death is still stuck on Kevin's mind. Poor guy...

Great chapter, even though it is kinda sad.
__________________
Sorry, but after some thinking, I decided to leave PE2K for good.
Reply With Quote
  #154  
Old 02-20-2005, 06:06 PM
Phoenix004 Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: England, but I have a second home on Mars!
Posts: 1,169
Send a message via AIM to Phoenix004 Send a message via MSN to Phoenix004
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Another great post, I liked how you mentioned one of Lance's achievments other than League Champion.
__________________


"Remember, battles may be won or lost but if the battlers do not learn, the battle served no purpose."
Reply With Quote
  #155  
Old 02-22-2005, 01:18 AM
SSMGoku Offline
New Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 7
Send a message via AIM to SSMGoku
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

That was a great chapter. Please Update soon.
Reply With Quote
  #156  
Old 02-23-2005, 04:58 PM
Dragon Lover's Avatar
Dragon Lover Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Uuuuuhhhh....oh ya in my house
Posts: 1,406
Send a message via MSN to Dragon Lover
Talking Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

YES!YES!YES! one of my most favoirite storys in this site has been updated im so happy ive been looking every where for a good fic and all the good ones ive already read.Hmmmm......i could find other sites? naaaaaaaahhhhhhhh this sites already good.
Reply With Quote
  #157  
Old 02-26-2005, 03:50 AM
Blaze Lizardon Offline
Amateur Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 63
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. I didn't forget your story though, and I liked the latest additions to it. Keep it coming. Who knows, maybe I'll get out my story again...
__________________
POKéMON CHAMPION
======================
Don't miss POKéMON CHAMPION, the dramatic tale of a young teen as he struggles through triumph and adversity for the greatest honor of them all -- the CHAMPION.
Reply With Quote
  #158  
Old 02-26-2005, 10:54 AM
Dr Skottie's Avatar
Dr Skottie Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ipswich, Australia!
Posts: 413
Send a message via MSN to Dr Skottie
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Wow, I've got some good repsonses here. Thanks you guys who commented, it means a lot to me. There should be some more story soon.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #159  
Old 03-22-2005, 04:04 AM
Dr Skottie's Avatar
Dr Skottie Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ipswich, Australia!
Posts: 413
Send a message via MSN to Dr Skottie
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Kevin and Bonnie turned to follow Jacob, who led them over to the inventory area. Jacob took his bag off and rummaged inside, coming out with a collapsed rod. He began to put it together as Bonnie and Kevin took a rental rod each from their wall mounts.

Fully equipped to do some fishing, the gang moved outside onto the large dock and moved off down a jetty to find a boat. They located a small white boat with a red 7 painted on the side. It was just big enough for the three teens. As Kevin carefully sat himself down in the boat, he saw a lot of other people doing the same. Kevin guessed there were roughly 20 boats in all, with 1 to 3 people in each. We've got some competition...

The voice came over the PA system: “Welcome to the Lake of Rage Fishing Competition! You have 2 hours to hook a pokemon and catch it. You may only catch one pokemon each. Pokemon that are caught will be judged on weight, colour, health, rarity and species. Good luck everyone... Begin!”

As the announcer spoke the final word, the sound of twenty outboard motors roared to life and the boats sped away in every direction.

“We need to get away from everyone else” said Jacob over the sound of the motor. Kevin and Bonnie nodded. They cruised for about 5 minutes until they found themselves fairly isolated from everyone else. Kevin peered back and could make out the Docks in the distance. Jacob cut the motor. The boat bobbed gently on the calm clear waters.

Kevin and Bonnie cast there lines in as well as they knew how, seeing how this was there first time fishing. Kevin eagerly peered down into the water where his line disappeared. He thought he could make out the shapes of pokemon swimming down below but he wasn't sure. Bonnie had cast her line over the other side of the boat, and she lent back and rested on Kevin's back.

“Where is it?” muttered Jacob to himself as he searched inside his bag.

“What are you looking for?” asked Kevin, not taking his eyes from the water.

“My secret weapon of course! Hah hah!” he yelled triumphantly. He held something in his hand. “The Joyful Jacob lure! It's one of a kind the best looking lure on the face of the planet!”

Bonnie laughed and Kevin joined in as he turned to see Jacob holding up a lure that looked like himself! Complete with a little blue head band and winking face.

“You stole that idea from Misty of the Cerulean Gym in Kanto! I saw her on TV with it!” said Kevin laughing.

Jacob just smiled. “You'll see, the pokemon will see what a good looking trainer I am by seeing this lure and they will be fighting amongst themselves to get on this hook!”

With that, he attached the Joyful Jacob lure to the line and with a graceful sweep of his arm cast it out into the water with a plop.

“Now we play the waiting game...” said Jacob who sat back and closed his eyes.

Kevin rolled his eyes and kept watching the shadowy shapes move down below. Suddenly , Kevin's Pikachu burst out of it's ball and sat atop Kevin's head. Kevin smiled as he checked his pokegear. 2 hours and 43 minutes that time, Pikachu was getting better.

The rolling white clouds creeped across the sky and Kevin thought time was moving at the same agonisingly slow pace. Half an hour had dragged by and nothing had happened. Kevin was bored out of his mind. “Would they just hurry up already! This is so boring!” he cried.

“SHHH!” came the harsh reply from his companions.

Kevin was about to retaliate when suddenly Bonnie squeeled excitedly. “I've got something!”

“Reel it in!” said Jacob and Kevin simultaneously, both eager to see what she had hooked.

Bonnie's hand was a blur as she reeled in her catch. She pulled back hard on the rod and there was spray of water as the pokemon she had hooked was dragged up out of the water.

“Woh what's that?” said Kevin as he got out his pokedex. He pointed it at the blue pokemon who had just removed the hook from its mouth.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #160  
Old 03-22-2005, 01:02 PM
Phoenix004 Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: England, but I have a second home on Mars!
Posts: 1,169
Send a message via AIM to Phoenix004 Send a message via MSN to Phoenix004
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Another cool post Skottie, although I would say that the Pokemon are more likely to flee from the lure!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Skottie
Kevin rolled his eyes and kept watching the shadowy shapes move down below. Suddenly , Kevin's Pikachu burst out of it's ball and sat atop Kevin's head. Kevin smiled as he checked his pokegear. 2 hours and 43 minutes that time, Pikachu was getting better.
This part made me laugh! He's actually been timing Pikachu?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Skottie
“Woh what's that?” said Kevin as he got out his pokedex. He pointed it at the blue pokemon who had just removed the hook from its mouth.
I wonder what Pokemon it is? I won't guess in case I give it away, I'd probably be wrong anway! You have a habit of suprising me in the Pokemon they capture.
__________________


"Remember, battles may be won or lost but if the battlers do not learn, the battle served no purpose."
Reply With Quote
  #161  
Old 03-28-2005, 01:06 AM
IceKing's Avatar
IceKing Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 162
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Likes
Battle Descriptions
Style (In fact, your style is my favorite type)
Kevins Relationship with Lance
Ice Side Story
Storm
His varied pokemon team

Dislikes
Jacob joining
Kevin winning countless times
Bonitas name (I just find it weird)
The whole "Kevin Sun??? Son of the dragon trainer Lance!"
(I made a list of dislikes since I know it would be hard to remember it off the bat, but I lost the list)

So as you can see I love this fic! I think the way you describe battles is awesome and Kevins personality is pretty good. When I first read this fic (especially after the whole freaky deaky with Joanna) I was like "ugg, Gary Stu" but as you said it was just to show his immaturity. But I still dont like the fact that Kevin is rather perfect with the whole winning all the time and junk. I thought Jacob joining was kinda weird cus hes an 18 year old who suddenly pops out of nowhere and says "Hey! Can I join?" But its okay, cus Jacob seems pretty cool.

Overall I rate this fic an 8/10 (the 2 points lost are for Kevin being a little perfect)

Keep up the good work and I can hardly wait for the next "sub section"
__________________

Made by Nefarious! *THANKS A LOT!*


If you would like for me to review your fanfic please feel free to PM me for a review. If you have less than 2 reviews then you will be given a review ASAP[/center]
Reply With Quote
  #162  
Old 03-28-2005, 11:35 AM
Phoenix004 Offline
Elite Trainer (Level 1)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: England, but I have a second home on Mars!
Posts: 1,169
Send a message via AIM to Phoenix004 Send a message via MSN to Phoenix004
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

I disagree with you about Kevin being perfect, he has lost several battles including at one gym battle. He's also had his arm broken by a sadistic maniac and failed to save two friends from being killed by the same maniac, doesn't sound perfect to me.

Besides in the battles he has won, they haven't exactly been easy matches. He usually wins through great use of strategy.
__________________


"Remember, battles may be won or lost but if the battlers do not learn, the battle served no purpose."
Reply With Quote
  #163  
Old 03-29-2005, 02:40 AM
Dr Skottie's Avatar
Dr Skottie Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ipswich, Australia!
Posts: 413
Send a message via MSN to Dr Skottie
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

You both have very good points. I have been getting a lot of negative feedback about the whole incedent with Joanna. I wish someone had made a point of it a lot earlier so I could change it. But I'm gonna leave it in there. Kevin is certainly not the perfect guy, in fact he can be quite pigheaded and at the beginning of the story was a womanizer. I do realise he does win a lot of battles, it's just I put so much effort into describing the battles, it seems a shame for him to lose, haha. but yes I will keep these things in mind. i kinda try and make up for his constant winning by revealing the flaws in his character.

Jacob joining up with the team... I guess it is kinda weird. I hadn't really thought out his story when I stuck him in there, I just wanted a new character, thats all.... hmm...

Bonnie is actually named after a friend of mine who I used to have a huge crush on. Bonnie was originally gonna be named Sakura. And also Kevin's name was gonna be Kamon.

Kevin trying to become independant of his father's fame is a central theme to the story, so if you don't like that, theres not much I can do. Thanks for the honest review, its refreshing to get something other then blind praise.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #164  
Old 03-29-2005, 08:52 PM
IceKing's Avatar
IceKing Offline
Experienced Trainer
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 162
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Sorry if my review sounded kind of mean. I tend to focus more on the dislikes rather than the likes. I guess Kevin is not as perfect as I think he is, but I still think he is a little too good. And I didnt mean that I didnt like the idea of kevin being the son of Lance, I meant I was tired of people saying it, but then again so is Kevin so I suppose its kind of done on purpose so readers can be just as annoyed as Kevin about people constantly mentinoing the relationship
__________________

Made by Nefarious! *THANKS A LOT!*


If you would like for me to review your fanfic please feel free to PM me for a review. If you have less than 2 reviews then you will be given a review ASAP[/center]
Reply With Quote
  #165  
Old 03-29-2005, 10:35 PM
Dr Skottie's Avatar
Dr Skottie Offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ipswich, Australia!
Posts: 413
Send a message via MSN to Dr Skottie
Default Re: ~An Adventure of a Lifetime!~

Quote:
Originally Posted by IceKing
Sorry if my review sounded kind of mean. I tend to focus more on the dislikes rather than the likes. I guess Kevin is not as perfect as I think he is, but I still think he is a little too good. And I didnt mean that I didnt like the idea of kevin being the son of Lance, I meant I was tired of people saying it, but then again so is Kevin so I suppose its kind of done on purpose so readers can be just as annoyed as Kevin about people constantly mentinoing the relationship
No its fine Iceking, it wasn't mean at all, it was honest. The quality of stories at this site is not what it used to be because people are praising stuff that should not be praised. Almost all our stories (including mine) would be ripped to shreds at other forums because they ain't up to scratch. You told the honest truth about what you think of AAOAL, and thats awesome man, thanx...

PS: Yeh the whole fact about Kevins relationship with his dad being constantly brought up is to kinda show how annoying it gets, so if thats annoying you, it annoys Kevin even more. I got something right for once...
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:05 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com