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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 02-12-2006, 11:06 AM
Grass King Offline
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Default The Gatno Region

In the Gatno region all trainers start their journey from one place, Shape square.
Shape square is actually a small town shaped like a square. Because of the dangerous pokemon that surround the town trainers must be 16 or over and be in a group of four or more. There are three exits to start your quest and you chose which one you take. The starters are Bulbasaur, Torchic and Totodile, when going through the North-East exit. The starters available from the South exit are Chikorita, Charmander and Mudkip. While the starters from the North-West exit are Treecko, Cyndaquil and Squirtle. At all of the exits Eevee are available. In each group someone must take a Fire-, Water- and Grass-type as well as an Eevee. Some of the other well known towns are Triangle town, Oval city, Square city and Octagon city.

I, Mickey McCool, a tall boy with black hair and light blue eyes, and my twin-sister Rose, who wore a rose in her dyed red hair with her natural black peeking through and had light blue eyes also, were walking down the main road of Shape square towards My best friend’s house to start our own pokemon journey. We were going in a team of four; my self, Rose, Henry, My best friend who had dyed his hair blue and had green eyes, and Sarah, Henry’s older sister who had brown eyes and blonde hair. We soon reached the house and were ready to go. We had spent a lot of time planning which starters we would get so they knew which exit they where going through. We had decided to go from the North-West exit, but had not decided which starter we each would get. It was a while before we got to the stand as we all lived in the centre of the town. We had decided in what order they would pick there pokemon. It would go ladies first, and the youngest first, which meant Rose, would go first and I would go last. When we got to the stand we all showed them are trainer cards that had just arrived for the three of the younger ones, in other words Me, Rose and Henry, but Sarah is a year and a quarter older than us so she got hers last year. We then lined up to get our pokemon. We had decided just to pick at random, it was something decided on, on the way to the stand. Rose was in front and picked up a pokeball, Sarah then did the same, followed by Henry, which left one left for me. We then all released them in turn, Rose got a Cyndaquil, Sarah got a Squirtle, and Henry got a Treecko which meant I had an Eevee.

We set off into the forests that surrounded Shape square and released our pokemon for a bit of fresh air. We all had our bags and spare pokeballs with us. We had been walking for about half-an-hour when a wurmple crawled out in front of us Rose started screaming and ran behind me her Cyndaquil, called Blaze-back at her heel. I sent 5-way, my Eevee forward and told him to do a tackle on the wild bug. The wurmple was instantly knocked out and I threw a red and white ball at the bug and it disappeared inside the ball, the ball shuck and then stopped. “I just caught a Wurmple!” I exclaimed. When we carried on walking I told Rose about Wurmple’s evolution chain using my pokedex to show her the pictures. When she saw the picture, she fell in love with Beautifly, and told me she wanted one. I told her to look for a Silcoon because they evolve into Beautifly but don’t catch a Cascoon. We soon got hungry so I whipped up some food and we had a nice lunch. Even our pokemon enjoyed it, but Buggy (my wurmple) was a bit nervous. It was only after I checked my pokedex that I noticed it was a different colour than usual. We soon got attacked by a pair of pidgey. Sarah and Henry took them on and caught one each. Soon we found a Silcoon and it agreed to join Rose.

The sun soon set and we set up camp we thought it best that someone kept watch. We decided I would go first, 5-way, Blaze-back, Hard-head and Buggy would go next. After that it would be Tree-tail, Shelly, Wings and Hovers and finally it would be Henry. Every thing was clear on the first two watch’s but on the third they came head to head with a ravage Murkrow but when they teamed up it fell to them. Henry’s watch was clear too.

We soon set off after sunrise, trying to get out of the forest as soon as possible. A thought came into my head while walking, what will I evolve 5-way into?? But I had worse things to think about like where we were. Suddenly a Heracross flew over our heads. It went into a small clearing with lots of sap and then I thought. I got my map out of my bag and looked at the trainer forest section. It showed the clearing that we were in. I told the others and we soon started to find our way out of the forest when we stumbled upon a nest of Kakuna. On the tree they were hanging from there were Weedle. Henry decided to catch one but when he had Hovers attack it and KO it a group of Beedrill appeared just after he threw the ball. We started running as fast as we could returning all our pokemon as we ran. We soon found a place full of Butterfree, Metapod and Caterpie. Sarah decided to catch a Caterpie before we went. Thankfully we had lost the Beedrill, which meant we could carry on towards the exit of the forest. We reached the Heracross clearing again, walked strait through and eventually reached the outskirts of the forest. We set up camp and rested after a long, tiring day.

To be continued...

What do you think?
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2006, 11:20 AM
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Default Re: The Gatno Region

Graders, i think this is a pokemon urpg story
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2006, 11:52 AM
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Default Re: The Gatno Region

What makes you think that lugia shadow? There's nothing to suggest that it is.

Anyway, Grass King, what you need here is description. You've set up a basic trainer journey plot but it's very hard to get into the story because we are never able to picture it in our heads. Where are they? What does it look like? What does it smell like? Also, some more detail is needed for the battles. Just looking at when you catch a Wurmple, it comes out of nowhere. Tell us how you found the Wurmple, what it did - I'm sure the battle would have been longer than that too.

All in all, you're trying to rush the story. Take your time to build an image in the reader's head with description.
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  #4  
Old 02-12-2006, 03:31 PM
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Default Re: The Gatno Region

Quote:
Originally Posted by lugia shadow
Graders, i think this is a pokemon urpg story
There is nothing at all to suggest that it is...

Anyway, I read it and it does seem a little rushed, but your grammar and spelling is pretty good. Add some more description, and perhaps slow down a little, otherwise I can see the whole story coming toward the end in just a few posts, which I'm sure you don't intend on doing so quickly.

Keep the interest by illustrating what the protagonist (main character whose perspective you're using) sees, hears, feels, and smells at least generally though the story. The more human senses that you illustrate, the better the reader will be able to imagine what's happening in your story.
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  #5  
Old 02-12-2006, 03:50 PM
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Default Re: The Gatno Region

The main character isn't always a protagonist but in this case it is
Like others have been saying, more description. We want to know what the Pokemon look like and what they do. Sure, we all know what a Heracross is, but by taking the extra 15 seconds to describe it you'll draw in more readers.

There's some capitals where they shouldn't be, and in some places there aren't capitals where they're supposed to be, and the plot seems rushed.

These issues are all relatively minor, just describe more and rush less.

Keep posting, and keep writing!
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