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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 03-18-2006, 06:25 AM
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Default Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal



– Synopsis –




The loss of a hero is often the worst possible blow upon society that can the withstood. Heroes are thought of as all-powerful and never will someone think that a hero could be lost. Heroes are thought to be the protectors of the place that they live, and if one is lost, it can often leave the world around in pain so sharp that it is almost unbearable. However, there is one thing worse than losing a hero to the icy claws of death.

And that is losing the hero to the enemy.

The worst possible feeling for any member of any army is seeing a former mentor on the enemy army. Especially if that hero was the only hope of survival for the people around. The only hero who was believed in betrayed his own people, and deserves to be burnt alive. Yes, it was:

Ash Ketchum.



Author's Note: Yep, it's back. I've finally gotten round to re-writting the Destiny Entangled Fanfiction which I began a while back. Unlike many re-writes that I've seen, I've completely changed the entire way the story was structured perviously, and have added chapters that have never been seen before. My writting style has greatly changed since I first began the Fanfiction, and I want to show people that I can write well.

Betrayal is the first book in the Destiny Trilogy, a trilogy that I have worked day and night to complete, and make a good read for anyone who wishes to read a piece of my work. This is probably the biggest project I've undertaken since I wrote a Harry Potter Fanfic way back in 2002. Im very proud of how I've written it, and I hope that you will be too.

Comments and Crtisizms are most welcome.

Acknowledgements

Yes, I understand that Acknowledgements are usually written after the story has been completed, but there are a few people I need to thank before I begin writting the fanficton, so I might as well mention the other people who have put their heartsinto helping me write this Fanfiction.

First of all, I'd like to thank my girlfried, Emma, for supported me wholeheartedly, and gave all of her ideas into helping this fanfiction rise. I originally wrote this fanfiction for her, and she told me that I should post it here. She likes Pokèmon alot, but not enough to join the forum, unfortunately.

Also, I owe many thanks to my best-friend, Alex, who is the Pokèmon whizz at the school He was theone who helped me organize the different reams for the different characters, and told me some things about Pokémon that I never knew before now. Yes, he is one of the main reasons that this story became what it was.

Now, I would like to thank Pokèmon Trainer Sarah for doing so much for this fanfiction. It is because of her that I have such good-looking title banners, and because of her that I decided to re-write the fanfiction. Previously, she was one of the few people who commented on my fanfiction, so it seems like I owe her this re-write.

Finally, I owe every other person on this forum who's ever given me writting advice, or code-of-conduct advice, because it is because of you people that I managed to become this good.

List of Current Chapters

Synopsis
Prologue – The Twins
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Last edited by Deathspector; 03-20-2006 at 02:05 PM.
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Old 03-20-2006, 02:03 PM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

– Prologue –
The Twins


The two creatures were intertwined as they spiralled further and further downward, in a constant frenzy.

The two fought fiercely, desperate to get the upper hand, and move back upward, but instead, both of them flew downward, succumbing to the force of gravity. They were fighting for the protection of humankind. Although they both had the same intentions, one of them would have to eventually give up, or be defeated. It was the way of life for the Twins, and if it was not fulfilled, the world would be thrust into utter disaster.

One of them was an iridescent green in colour, and glowed brightly as it flew into the depths of darkness. Its body was shaped in the same pattern as that of a large lizard, with short and stubby legs, that bent outward before inward. Sharp and yellowing claws were at the end of the four legs, and digging into the opponent. From its bottom jaw, one large canine jutted out dangerously. Its tail was long, and powerful, continuously brandishing the enemies body with deliberate strength.

The other one was just as prepared for the fight. It was a deep purple in colour, and shaped very much like a large bird. It’s eyes were glowing crimson, the very same colour of the blood that was flowing out of the two creature’s wounds. Each wing was twice the size of its body, and curves at the end. Its talons were visible, and they were just as sharp as the opponents claws. Its underbelly was a pale blue in colour, and seemed to emanate a sense of power as the two powerful beasts went at each other.

It seemed like there would never be a victor out of this fight, but it was the creature’s instincts to fight until desperate exhaustion. The Twins had no choice but to kill each other, every time the previous loser awakens from its hibernation. For the Twins can never really be killed, but can be sent into a millennium long hibernation, or encased in a substance called anti-matter. Without these two, they can never be defeated in a battle.

Thus was the life of the Twins.
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Old 03-21-2006, 02:02 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

I love your use of words and it flows brilliantly. Very interesting prologue and synopsis, too. I'm definately looking forward to chapter one
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Old 03-21-2006, 10:38 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Thanks.

Chapter One'll be out in a couple of minutes, once I've fifnished posting an RPG post on another forum. I tend to take my RPG posts very seriously, so it might tae a while. This one includes a flashback...*everyones srieks and dies in horror*...see, I told you...

EDIT: Never mind. It'll take a bit longer. I just realised that I need to add more to Chapter one to make it proper...I'll post tomorrow, or sommat.
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Last edited by Deathspector; 03-21-2006 at 10:53 AM.
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Old 03-21-2006, 09:03 PM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Gruesome. That just put such a lovely image of FLOWERS in my head. But pretty nice. Very... Secretive. But I just can't tell what Pokemon is which. WHAT THE HECK IS WHAT?! Ho-oh and Lugia? I can pretty much tell that the second one's Shadow Lugia, but Ho-oh ain't green, and if it's shiny I think it's, like, black or something. I have absolutely no idea, but it's probably a legendary or made up Pokemon. Those would cause disaster like this.

PS: ASH IS EVIL! DIE, ASH, DIE! *shot* But that's what the synopsis said! *shot*

EDIT: Wait a second... I GOT IT! Shiny Lati@s! It's those shinies!
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Old 03-23-2006, 11:54 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Nice to see one more reviewer. Keep on guessing which Pokčmon it is, and you won't get it, just drift further and further away. I admit, one of them looks like Shadow Lugia, but isn't. And Latias most definitely does not look reptilian, and has new canines to jut out...keeo guessing.
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Old 03-25-2006, 05:40 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

– Chapter One –
Enter Vermillion


Ash Ketchum’s Point of View

Standing at the edge of Vermillion City, I let the breeze play with my hair.

It had been ages ago that I had last felt anything even close to comfort, an being within walking distance of a city was one of them. I looked at the sparkling lights of Vermillion, and memories rushed into my brain, reminding me of the fun times I spent as a teenager. But those times were long gone. I now knew the true meaning of life, and I wasn’t going to take it for granted. Ever since Master Apocalypse explained to me my most recent job, I knew that I had to carry it out, no matter what the cost.

Slung over my shoulder was a small brown rucksack. It wasn’t very big, no larger tha a normal school bag. But it was special in one way that no school bag would permit. Inside it, was my trusty partner, who willingly got inside the rucksack to keep me company while I went on this mission. Yes, my Pikachu was curled up in a small ball inside the bag, in an extremely uncomfortable position.

Be patient. We are almost there.

Pikachu and I had developed a telepathic connection between each other, to such an extent that our minds were connected as one, and we could sense each other’s feelings. Because of this, by simply thinking, we could tell each other private things that would normally only be told in the absence of people. It was a very useful thing to have, especially when we were fighting.

Easier said than done, he replied, squirming around.

I smiled, and walked down southward, towards Vermillion. I had been walking for almost a week on end, from Saffron City, headquarters of the League of Shadows. The League of Shadows was created by someone, who goes by the name of Lord Apocalypse, determined on making the world a better place. He believes in having one all-powerful-leader take control of the world, and stop wars and other such atrocities from happening. However, many people believe differently, and think that Master Apocalypse wishes ill.

I recently joined the League of Shadows, and was promoted to master Apocalypse’s right hand man after a successful mission that had previously failed three times. After that, I was given control over a sector of the League of Shadow’s armed forces to aid me in any missions, but I rather to them myself. I find it more challenging.

As I closed in on Vermillion City, I lowered my head, and allowed my hair to fall in front of my golden-brown eyes, giving myself an artificial stoop. Master Apocalypse had recommended that I grew a beard for this mission, because people would recognise me, had I not. Also, I was a wanted man amongst the police, for no fault of my own. I knew that if I was captured, Master Apocalypse had no chance of completing his mission.

Where are we? asked Pikachu.

Just outside Vermillion, I replied.

Moving slowly, I walked towards the guards, who protected Vermillion City from the outside. The two of them were armed with two longs spears, which they lowered as I neared, blocking off my path . Master Apocalypse had warned me about these guards. They needed passports before allowing anyone in. Apparently, they only began this practice once the League of Shadows came into the open.

I slipped my hand into the pocket of my thick brown travelling cloak, and pulled out a Vermillion City inhabitant passport. Master Apocalypse had created a false passport for this mission, with a picture that looked like my current self. The guards eyed me warily, and nodded, heaving the spears upward so that I could pass.

Phase one complete, I said to Pikachu.

The guards opened the heavy metal door, and one of them said, “You’ve come in jus’ a’ the righ’ time. Ga’es close in a cou’le of minu’es.”

I gave both of them a warm smile, and walked through the gate, as the guards closed them behind me. There was a heavy bang from behind me, which signalled that I was in Vermillion now, and that I would have no legal way of getting out. But then again, who said what I was doing was legal?

* * *

Vermillion City was a city that went to sleep very early, and woke up just as early. By seven o’clock, even the teenagers were heading home, to have a nice family dinner, and then off to bed. Life like this was almost unheard of to me, but I knew that it was the best place to conduct the mission because of this characteristic. Especially since I had a room in the Pokčmon Centre.

The Pokčmon Centre was open twenty-four-seven and didn’t have any cut off times for people to go in and out. This was very helpful, because I could spend as much time as I wanted on the mission, and the Pokčmon Centre would not suspect a thing. Of course, I needed it to be as dark as it could get, so as to not be sighted by any late sleepers, because if I blew my cover, then it was good-bye to the League of Shadows.

At eight o’clock, I left the Pokčmon Centre, telling the nurse that I would be out training an Eevee to evolve it into an Umbreon. She bought the story, and let me out. Explaining to her that my Eevee wasn’t very well trained, and that it would take a while for Eevee to evolve. She gave me one of those typical Nurse Joy understanding looks, and told me to give it my best.

The cool Vermillion night calmed dow my pounding heart as I headed south, towards the shoreline. I had been looking forward to this mission for a long time, mainly because I would get to be near the sea, something which always calmed me when I became worried or stressed out by anything around me.

Vermillion truly was a peaceful and tranquil city, especially, seeing as it was neighbours with the dreaded Saffron City. Even though the League of Shadows operates there, that city has always kept me afraid and fearful of theft and even worse criminal acts. I had had previous incidents that included that city, and t made me even more scared remembering those things…

But I was on a mission, and no stupid city was going to stop me. I hoped.

The gates to the Vermillion harbour were kept open all the time, because Vermillion was a trading city, and sometimes, ships came late at night, or early in the morning, so the gates could not be closed if traders came along. It was ideal for me, as the mission relied solely on the sea near Vermillion. If I could not access the sea, then the entire mission was a failure fortunately, master Apocalypse made me go through several stories to use if I was caught. I needed one of them now.

“Halt! Who goes there?”

The voice was gruff, and definitely belonged to a male, unless it was a very masculine female. The firm hand caught me on my shoulder, and my instincts wanted me to attack this person, but logic and the mission held me back. I had more important things to worry apart from respect. For instance, if Pikachu made any move inside the backpack, I was a goner. I turned around to face the person who had gotten hold of me.

“Yes?” I asked, taking in the details of the person. He was tall, taller than me, with an unshaven beard, and a muscle encrusted forearm. His nails were far from clean, but then again, neither was any other part of his body. No doubt he was a guard, because an appearance like this would surely intimidate most people. Most people…

“Who are you, and what are you doing here? It’s past hours,” grunted the guard.

“I’m Samuel Redwood. See, I have a Charizard, that is quite powerful, however, it has a terrible weakness to water types. I know that Vermillion City harbour is best known for its Krabbies and Shellders. I thought it would be a good start for Charizard to get better by battling these weak water Pokčmon, and getting used to them, before taking on stringer ones. Besides, I believe that the Nurse Joy told me that the gates to the harbour are open twenty-four-seven. What happened to that?” I asked, jerking my shoulder from his grip, and turning to face him.

“You don’t seem like a normal trainer. Why the hell are you wearing a fricking cloak?”

I sighed, and smiled, shaking my head slowly and deliberately. “It’s called a travel-cloak, it helps to keep your clothes clean while travelling long distances, and keeps you warm, as well.”

The guard grunted, and nodded, letting me pass. I walked quickly, trying hard to not seem like I was in a hurry. Truth be told, I had already used up half and hour, ad I didn’t have much time before the sun rose again. Pikachu climbed onto my shoulder once we were out of sight of the guard, placing his small yellow paws on my shoulder.

“It is time,” I whispered to him, reaching into the depths of my travelling cloak.
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  #8  
Old 03-25-2006, 07:25 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Ooh, very mysterious. Once again your writing skills have drawn me right into the story

Heh, I still can't work out what The Twins are. The green one seems as if it could be Sceptile, maybe

Anyway, keep up the fantastic work.
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Old 03-25-2006, 01:54 PM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Ah, I like your story a lot. It has a mysterious effect. I think that one of the twins is a shiny salamence. But that is only my guess.
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Old 03-26-2006, 09:51 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Yay! Another reviewer!

Keep on guessing like that, and you'll never find out what they are. I have a feeling that when I finally reveal who they really are, you lot won't be all that surprised, happy and amazed.

Anyway, Chapter Two should be up earliest by Thursday, and latest by next Sunday. I have a project to do, and that'll be taking up most of my time during the week, so bear with me if this thread doesn't have any updates for a couple of days.

Oh, and Sarah, Chapter Two is the same as Chaapter One from Destinies Entangled, only the circumstances have changed.
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Old 03-26-2006, 03:44 PM
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Talking Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Please write more!!! You deserve to be the next J.K Rowling!!! YOu are A wonderful witer, and I talk for every one when I say this is a good story. Please check out my story's, and tell mehow you think! My name is Celebimaster506!!!
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Old 03-28-2006, 11:58 AM
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Default Re: Destiny Trilogy: Betrayal

Glad you liked it. I'll check your story when I finish this post...XD.

Although this does lean towards the typical Dark fanfiction, my dream with this fanfiction is to convey to the people that no world is perfect, and that even the Pokémon world can go through times of war and criminal acts, without the prescence of the useless Team Rocket, and the typical trainers journey.
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