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  #61  
Old 07-08-2007, 01:31 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

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Originally Posted by Redlark View Post
Lols, yay dislexia (however you spell it) No, I really am 21. It's just nice to find another 20yr old in the forums from the days of red, blue, and yellow lol.
Of course there was nothing like being a pokemon group geek in high school ;). I always related with Team Rocket the most *hugs James*
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  #62  
Old 07-08-2007, 08:08 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Lol, yeah. The good ol'days when everybody had a game shark and at least one Mew on their team. What was funny was that I actually got into Pokemon just before it was released in the states. I'm half japanese, so my uncle from Tokyo was all like, "Here's a Gameboy Color! This is the biggest game on the market, everybody's playing it in Japan! It's called Pocket Monsters! So you should play it, too. (*downs a bottle of heineken*) It's the best game ever!" What was even cooler was that it was the Japanese Yellow Version that nobody had yet (*gigglefart*). So when everybody else got Pokemon, I was like, "Hey... your's doesn't have Jesse and James? You can't start with Pikachu? You guys suck, haha." But that was years ago, lol.

Anywho - back on subject to the thread. I should have the next two reviews done within the next couple days. Tomorrow's my day off from work.
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  #63  
Old 07-08-2007, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

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Originally Posted by Redlark View Post
Lol, yeah. The good ol'days when everybody had a game shark and at least one Mew on their team. What was funny was that I actually got into Pokemon just before it was released in the states. I'm half japanese, so my uncle from Tokyo was all like, "Here's a Gameboy Color! This is the biggest game on the market, everybody's playing it in Japan! It's called Pocket Monsters! So you should play it, too. (*downs a bottle of heineken*) It's the best game ever!" What was even cooler was that it was the Japanese Yellow Version that nobody had yet (*gigglefart*). So when everybody else got Pokemon, I was like, "Hey... your's doesn't have Jesse and James? You can't start with Pikachu? You guys suck, haha." But that was years ago, lol.

Anywho - back on subject to the thread. I should have the next two reviews done within the next couple days. Tomorrow's my day off from work.
Ooooo *old school R/B/Y envy* You were soooo lucky! I hated everyone who hacked their games though and never did it, I hated rare candy cloners even more :(
My fic is mainly focused around pokemorphs based on those first two gens :).
I think my story is different than most morph fic becuase their world has nothing to do with humans and normal pokemon actually have a place in their society :3.
.And that they are vampires of course *lol*
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  #64  
Old 07-09-2007, 04:23 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Title:
Darkrai's Corruption and Destruction - By Djax94

Review:
I haven't really read a whole lot of Mystery Dungeon/Pokemon Perspective fics so when I first read through the story, it was refreshing. For some reason I thought it was a vampire fic because of the fangs, but I'm weird like that and never even considered Pokemon Perspective lol. Also, it's really nice to see a non-trainer fiction time to time. Maybe it's because I haven't read PokeFanFiction for over a year, but the fact that Djax hasn't spawned another Ash Clone makes me smile.

Though what's written of the story is pretty short, the substance of the story itself it pretty sweet. The story's just started so I can't say there's a whole lot actually going on, but the foreshadowing factor of the actual myth within the story is very imaginative and makes the reader want more. Though, I should say that because (like many Poke FanFictions) the theme of the story seems like it may revolve around the near end of the world from some evil being or climactic possible destruction of the world fulfilling some lost myth; but the true originality of this story comes from the characters and their conflict within the story, not the major goal of the plot. (Side Note: I should say that the “near end of the world” theme time and again does work very well, it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. It could be that I’m being over anal about the theme, but I dunno. I’ve done this theme before, so I’m one to talk myself).

The main character seemed to me the most interesting part of the story. I want to see how he ends up dealing with the whole situation throughout. If Djax elaborates

Overall, the story is interesting and seems like it’s going to start rolling into some good action soon. I’m excited for the next post.

Rating: 6.8
Pretty good. I actually really liked it. Please keep on writing, it seems like it’s going to become an exciting story.

Technical Notes for Djax94:

I don't really need to say much about the story. Darth Murkrow did a pretty good job with covering pretty much everything that needs to be worked on. But the importance of why and overall description is very important.

You want to take your readers on a ride, make them feel like they’re in the story the best you can. With what Darth Murkrow said, it’s very important to create an atmosphere or whole cinematic image for the readers. Make their imaginations run wild with every single detail. So instead of repeating what Darth Murkrow said, I’ll be lazy and cut and paste:

Quote:
You are right, it is a little on the short side. To lengthen it, I would suggest describing the cave a little more in the beginning. Sure, the prophecy does add a degree of interest (and it's so much better than mine), but it would be so much more suspenseful if something were to build up to the moment of discovering the words.

For instance, is it deep underground, with tree roots piercing the walls and threatening to ensnare passerby? Is it above ground deep in a jungle, with Zubats fluttering blindly around and smelling of rotting plants? Is it on top of a snowy mountain, icicles dangling everywhere and the cold wind blasting through the entrance? This makes a big difference and helps set the mood.

And this explorer. Why is he (and his team, I assume, that could use some clarification) exploring this cave? Did he discover it on accident? Did someone else find it and send them to investigate? Again, more tension building on the element of "why."

Overall, I would definitely say that you would need to improve your description. Place your focus on the explorer and imagine what he is hearing, seeing, and feeling. How far ahead can he see? What does the air smell like? Is there any noticable lack of oxygen? All of this description would help.

Other than that, I'm impressed. Who says it can't be awesome? With some more description, I'm sure that more people would be hooked. I look forward to the next part. I'm just trying to help, I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, nothing personal.
The only thing I guess I’d say to work on is character development. I know it’s really early in the story so not a whole lots happened and you really can’t do too much, but I really want to see who Stolly is and where he goes. He’s the hero, he’s the focus of the story.

Eitherway, I’m glad you finally took up writing too. Everybody should write time and again, even if it’s recreational. And poop on those guys that said you should throw your idea away and stop writing. They’re the true n00bs for not knowing what potential is.
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  #65  
Old 07-09-2007, 06:45 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

hey redlark, if you havent already reviewed my fanfic, i would like you to factor in the latest chapter that i have posted. Now i am up to:

+Prologue:Part 1
+Prologue:Part 2
+Chapter 1: An Unknown Earth
+Chapter 2: Water Games! [just recently posted]

It is about 21 pages in MS WORD!
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  #66  
Old 07-09-2007, 07:33 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Aww... Thanks, Redlark!

Yeah, I'm gonna carry on writing it!

But I need to get my butt in gear...

Thanks again,

Djax94
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  #67  
Old 07-10-2007, 12:20 AM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Quote:
Originally Posted by BryceBoy10 View Post
hey redlark, if you havent already reviewed my fanfic, i would like you to factor in the latest chapter that i have posted. Now i am up to:

+Prologue:Part 1
+Prologue:Part 2
+Chapter 1: An Unknown Earth
+Chapter 2: Water Games! [just recently posted]

It is about 21 pages in MS WORD!
Sweet, not a problem. And I'm very happy that you liked the review Djax.

I should have the next review done either late tonight or tomorrow.
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  #68  
Old 07-10-2007, 01:39 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

Title:
Project: Repopulation - By BryceBoy10

Review:
Whoa d**n.

D**n...

I'm truly stunned...

I don't think I've actually read anything from a FanFic site of this high caliber. I’d have to read Sapphire Persian’s, “The Ties that Bind” again to be sure; but hell... This was heavy.

For a short second there, I thought I was reading Elie Wiesel’s, Night; or All Quiet on the Western Front. I mean like, wow...

The best part of this FanFic is by far the Prologue at this point. The entire story is far from unfinished, but already I’m dazzled by the deep raw emotion lying within the actions of every character and the war against the Apocalyptic Following of, the “Depraved.” Then that story is taken away from us suddenly with the realization that two years have passed and all that was going on is now different.

So many things within the prologue stand out, it’s impossible to cover them all.

So many questions are left unanswered, the readers are only left behind with where the story begins. If anybody knows the mechanics of Science Fiction, read and follow this story. This is not a recommendation, but a command. Project: Repopulation truly puts all my science fiction attempts to shame.

The depth of every character hasn’t covered much, since it’s so early in the story; but it’s clear already that a ton of amazing storytelling is on the way.

I really don’t want to give out any spoilers; so this time, the Tech Notes are only left for BryceBoy10’s sake really.

Overall, this is one FanFic on the Forums that anybody looking for amazing writing should go to. Granted, it should be rated PG-13 for the truly gripping plot.

Rating: 9
This is the second highest rated Fic I've reviewed yet. That prologue was amazing... Chaps 1 + 2 make me want to keep up with this story on the dime. Just keep writing. You've truly got something going.

Technical Notes for BryceBoy10:
Take your time. Don’t rush this story unless you feel you have to, so you can get your ideas down. Go by what you think is right. Don't stop reading, and don't stop writing. Always read over your work (I'm sure you already do).

(This is a personal question, so you don't need to answer) How old are you?

My only problem with the story is that two years isn’t long enough for anybody grow so old so quickly in such a short amount of time. Charlie’s Dad couldn’t of gotten so decrepit so quickly. He was 45 when he went in, and now he’s aged 20 years in two. That’s my biggest complaint.

Also, the way I see Charlie is that he’s a kid who just had his childhood murdered. True, he’s had to grow up very quickly; but I don’t want to see him act like a full adult. He’s still young, so even if he has a strong sense of right and wrong, he’ll probably still be naive to the things only an elder would know. He’s still got his hormones running wild. He may be smart, but he will eventually leap before he looks. It’s only realistic.

In the prologue, the girl with the Croagunk scene and the scene where Charlie waking up in the mass grave stand out the most. Also the emotion in finding dead Depraved members was astonishing. You really had me moved at a guttural level.

Here’s a question you don’t need to answer, but ponder (if you want, PM me so no spoilers are revealed):

I’m sure you’ve already got an amazing story ahead, and some grand scheme that explains a lot. What happened to the Legendaries? I’m sure some of them died or sacrificed themselves; but what about others? More importantly, Mew?

Now--since I like this story so much. Can I write a comeback review when you have a lot of chapters finished? My feelings on it may change over time, but I doubt it. Eitherway, I'm sure I'd have a ton of stuff to say since there'd be so much story to cover.

Last edited by Redlark; 07-10-2007 at 04:18 PM.
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  #69  
Old 07-10-2007, 04:16 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

I'm a jerk, I just lowered the rating by three dots and raised Ties to be one dot over this. Sorry. I went back to Ties just now and realized it was written in 2nd person. Crazy hard. I hate these ratings, they're really hard to judge.

Last edited by Redlark; 07-10-2007 at 04:19 PM.
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  #70  
Old 07-10-2007, 05:13 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

wow, i am glad that you liked it!
i didnt really expect such a good response, because i didnt really have much confidence in it, seeing as it is my first fanfic, and i havent done THAT much writing before this, just scribbling down a couple stories that i never got around to finishing!

umm, to the question about my age, i am 13

well thanks for such a good review, i guess i will continue this story to the end

and of course you can do another review after more chapters are finished, it would be my honor! l0l
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  #71  
Old 07-10-2007, 06:22 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

The fact that you are a few years younger than I am but can write like this makes me really jealous. Do you read a lot?
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  #72  
Old 07-10-2007, 06:28 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

*tacklehugs* Thanks Redlark! I thought you'd forgotten about it, I know I did. :x I'm glad you liked it. XD Evil bunnies for the world!

XD I'll go fix those typos now. I'm never good with proof reading...
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  #73  
Old 07-10-2007, 06:30 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

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Originally Posted by Aquila View Post
The fact that you are a few years younger than I am but can write like this makes me really jealous. Do you read a lot?
*lol* I often don't ask for an age when reveiwing things, then I get much less depressed and green eyed ;). The thing is many many younger writers have talent, but like talent in music or, if you don't use it it fades away :\. I can't tell you haw many people I know who were amazing at writing/music/art at their early teens but then buried and killed that talent to get a 'real' job. Such a shame :(
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  #74  
Old 07-10-2007, 08:00 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

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Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy View Post
*lol* I often don't ask for an age when reveiwing things, then I get much less depressed and green eyed ;). The thing is many many younger writers have talent, but like talent in music or, if you don't use it it fades away :\. I can't tell you haw many people I know who were amazing at writing/music/art at their early teens but then buried and killed that talent to get a 'real' job. Such a shame :(
It's not the fact that I can't write as well as he could NOW if I was inspired enough and focused myself enough, it's the fact that he writes so well at an age when I was still writing rather poorly written material.

Oh, and the cool thing about writing is that even if you do get a "real" job, writing on the side is still an option provided the person that decides to do that doesn't let their writing skills rust.
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  #75  
Old 07-10-2007, 08:25 PM
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Default Re: The Review Roundup w/Redlark

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It's not the fact that I can't write as well as he could NOW if I was inspired enough and focused myself enough, it's the fact that he writes so well at an age when I was still writing rather poorly written material.

Oh, and the cool thing about writing is that even if you do get a "real" job, writing on the side is still an option provided the person that decides to do that doesn't let their writing skills rust.
I was'nt saying that you could'nt write well, I was saying just what you were ;) Envy of early talent, and I know that I was writing much much worst than 'rather poorly' at his age, but then I have a learning disablity ;).

The thing is too many people I know have gotten a 'real' job and let it take up their whole lifes. There is nothing on the side becuase they eat and sleep their boring seven to five jobs :P. It is very sad, I don't think they have read a book in years :(
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