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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 05-29-2006, 05:27 PM
Kayden Javlaíakín's Avatar
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Post Nefarious Serendipity



.::NEFARIOUS SERENDIPITY::.
+ Part I of The Slynvixian Chronicles+
Table of Contents
~ Prologue: An Acherontic Evening............. Page 1, Post 2
~ Chapter One: Altered Laws and Asthetic Ethics................ Estimated: 6/13/06
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
INTRODUCTION:

I feel that it is high time I start working on a new fic, so here it is! I kinda gave up on Bloodsong, sorry to disappoint on any fans of it, but I may restart it. Anyway, after working a bit on Icetalon, the coming sequel to Flametalon, I became inspired by a poem I read called A Nocturnal Fantasy. I have decided to take the finer elements of this poem and apply it into Nefarious Serendipity. And that’s how this fic was born.

I have decided to post this before I post the actual fic for organizational reasons, mainly to ensure I get the full post length for the prologue. Anyway, here’s Nefarious Serendipity!
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Old 05-29-2006, 11:02 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

.::PROLOGUE::.
An Archrontic Evening

A raging sirocco crazed through the Slynvixian night, bringing with it, an infinite state of silence fractured fiercely by the invariant crashing of the white-hot bolts of lightning which danced above in the rolling heavens.

A sky-blue dragon stood fast in a solitary confinement of mud, twigs, and large boulders. While she gazed endlessly at the ambrosial assortment of nature-borne material, her crimson, aerodynamically-designed wings constantly and rhythmically fluttered softly in the prevailing headwinds. Her acanthous claws contracted into the soft, earthy material in apprehensive tension. Her onyx-black eyes were transfixed on a single point in front of her . . . an egg, midnight azure specked with a terpsichore of blood-red.

The mother Salamence leaned forward through the impenetrable sheet of precipitation, unlocked her jaws, and blew a dazzling presentation of sparks and combustion, of fire. The blazing heat licked at the dainty shell of the ovum, but quickly decapitated to its usual chromaticity, leaving nary a scorch on the surface, which now was growing uncannily with a crimson aura, the result of the searing warmth.

After the remnants of the smoke had dissolved into zilch, the winged Pokémon’s legs collapsed under the weight of her azure body to the craggy surface of the nest. She shut her eyes briefly as she yawned lazily, her tail stretching to its full length. She then fell into the sanctuary of sleep, of dreams.

*~*~*~*~*

Four hours later, the storm had gotten worse; thunder sliced the atmosphere like the sharpest blade, through the wall of rain and hail, it was barely perceptible, but the Salamence had awoken from her slumber to discover that her egg still had not hatched. She warily glanced upward at the sky. The slate-gray clouds were beginning to rotate as if about to produce a tornado.

The she-dragon had to make a choice: If she left the egg here, if there was, indeed, to be a cycloidal multitude of gales and precipitation, it would surely be destroyed. But she couldn’t possibly take it with her; she had prey for her other children, who surely could not wait any longer for the return of their mother.

The Pokémon, making up her mind to abandon the unborn Bagon, spread her crimson airfoils to their cumulative wingspan and, with a powerful heave of her rear legs, lifted up and into the storm-borne sky and drifted nearly effortlessly into a prevailing thermal toward her family.

*~*~*~*~*

A few minutes after the departure of its mother, the lone egg had began to crack unsightly in a few particular places. Suddenly, a large portion of the shell fractured and plummeted into the crystalline waters of the nearby lake. A few more faults appeared upon the surface of the azure ovum, until there no longer stood an egg, but instead a shimmering sapphire aura shining like a beacon against the raging precipitation, pierced by eyes that glowed like fire. When the mist finally lifted, its only remnant was a small, sky-blue, wingless dragon, its head topped with a steel-like material. It slowly opened its cream-colored mouth which carried naught but twin glimmering white teeth and uttered a single word: “Bagon.”

The newborn Bagon slowly moved one azure foot, then another, walking in a curious state to the neighboring river, his, it had an awkward “he-ness” in his character, feet blindly crushing the remains of the egg shell as he went along.

When he reached the water, Bagon inquiringly dipped one of his stubby hands into its crystalline body, twirling it under the exquisite surface.

Suddenly, a large crash erupted in the atmosphere; a streak of light danced in the heavens, just barely evading the interface of the river. “Ba Gon ” The dispelled Pokémon quickly arose to his feet and ran past the nest and into the canopy of trees shielding the Slynvixian Forest.

The young dragon gamboled through the wood blindly, feet rhapsodically taking him in no particular direction. He then felt himself fall forward, landing with a splat in a puddle of mud.

After standing back up and assiduously inspecting his minuscule body for sufficient injuries, Bagon raised his mud-clotted left hand. He inspected it thoroughly, then, vomiting forth a rose-pink tongue, licked the liquid cautiously, wondering what this brown, sticky stuff was.

The dragon then expelled the earthy remains of the muck through his mouth and into his opposite hand, before casually actuating it onto the rain-soaked ground. Bagon threw his steel-plated head back and let out a shrill yawl. Young Pokémon were instinctively expectant to receive food from their parents. Yet this newborn Bagon was, as of currently, without kin. He knew that if he did not get proper supplemental nutrition soon, he would die.

Bagon glanced back and forth, as if looking for something edible, but, unfortunately, saw nothing. He did, however, find a small patch of grass, their ends glimmering with fragile dewdrops.

The hatchling ran hesitantly to the plants, bent down onto the Earth, and sniffed at it cautiously. Being a carnivore, Bagon did not, on normal stances, eat anything that erupted from the ground. But the fledgling had no alternative. He spewed forth an azure stub for a hand, picked up a strand, and, with unrivaled cautiousness, placed the graminaceous plant into his mouth.

After throughly chewing a few moments, the Bagon was satisfied with the taste, but not truly contented; at least it was better than that appalling mud.

After swallowing the herbs, the wingless dragon walked warily to a nearby tree, its brown trunk stained from the rain, and curled into a small, ball-like shape. He, for a newborn Pokémon had had quite an adventure, full of peril, calamity, and conflict, that night. He desperately needed rest.

Bagon took one last glance at the moon, which was now beginning to reveal itself after its confinement to behind the storm clouds, before shutting his eyes, and yawning a final time as he fell into sleep.

This was not one of the best ideas, for, even though the fledgling didn’t know, there was an evil, dark-spirited enemy close by, lurking in the shadows of the spherical moon, waiting patiently for her opportunity to strike.
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Last edited by Kayden Javlaíakín; 07-25-2006 at 02:43 PM.
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  #3  
Old 05-31-2006, 03:46 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Author's Note: Even though I did state that the next chapter would be posted the 13th of June, it will probably be finished even earlier. It depends. I've written up to Chapter 7: Ostentatious Fratricide, but I have yet to completley finish editing the installments leading up to then.

Anyway, I have a question to ask of you guys. I'm going to, soon, start writing a sequel to this fic. It is, after all, the Synxvanian Chronicles. I am haveing some trouble creating a good title for it, though. Therefore, I have several titles here. And if you review the fic, I would also like yout to post and enlighten me on whichever title I should use. They are:

Celestial Sanctuary
Peaceful Requiem
Starlight Realm

Or, if you have another title, please don't hesitate to post it. Thanks for all of your support! ^^

~ *Kayden
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:54 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

This is very nice, Kayden! *hugs* A truly spectacular piece with immaculate description and varied vocabulary.

I really quite enjoyed this, your description of the Salamence was really beautiful. I did ot see any grammer or spelling mistakes, which is absolutely brilliant. :)

Unfortunately, some of your words were new to me, and it did sligtly jolt the flow of your story. But that most probably is my youth showing, I have not yet come across such words.

(For some odd reason, I have picked up this sort of... accent, a way of speaking that is not like how I normally type. How very odd. Sorry about that. ^.^;;)

The descrption was very good, but I found myself not knowing exactly where the bagon was at his birth. Maybe provide a little more information? It's probably just me, so don't fret.

Quote:
He spewed forth an azure stub for a hand
This sentence did slightly confuse me, could you explain it? It is trivial, but it did muddle me. :)

Again, I really did adore this piece. Poor little Bagon... *hugs* I can't wait to read more!

Keep up the good work!

Edit: I nearly forgot. ^.^;;

Starlight Realm because it isn't to fancy. The others were a little bit much for me. :)
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Old 05-31-2006, 05:08 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Don't worry Katie, it is not just your age showing. I am much older and I have to say the level of vocabulary does make the story hard to enjoy at times.
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Old 05-31-2006, 05:19 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Katiekitten:
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiekitten
This is very nice, Kayden! *hugs* A truly spectacular piece with immaculate description and varied vocabulary.

I really quite enjoyed this, your description of the Salamence was really beautiful. I did ot see any grammer or spelling mistakes, which is absolutely brilliant. :)

Unfortunately, some of your words were new to me, and it did sligtly jolt the flow of your story. But that most probably is my youth showing, I have not yet come across such words.

(For some odd reason, I have picked up this sort of... accent, a way of speaking that is not like how I normally type. How very odd. Sorry about that. ^.^;;)

The descrption was very good, but I found myself not knowing exactly where the bagon was at his birth. Maybe provide a little more information? It's probably just me, so don't fret.

Quote:
He spewed forth an azure stub for a hand.
This sentence did slightly confuse me, could you explain it? It is trivial, but it did muddle me. :)

Again, I really did adore this piece. Poor little Bagon... *hugs* I can't wait to read more!

Keep up the good work!

Edit: I nearly forgot. ^.^;;

Starlight Realm because it isn't to fancy. The others were a little bit much for me. :)
Yay! Thanks for that long and great review! ^^ *gives Salamence-shaped cookie*
Yes, I think I kinda overused the thesarus. I'm really picky about using synonums or however you spell it. I'll make sure not to do that next time. Thanks for pointing out. ^^
And about that one sentence, I kind of slacked off and stopped doing grammar checks at that point, so that could explain it. Not to mention that Wordperfect has a tendency to skip errors every so often. Oh! And thanks for your input on the title conflict. It's really helpful. ^^

Orange_Flaaffy:
Quote:
Don't worry Katie, it is not just your age showing. I am much older and I have to say the level of vocabulary does make the story hard to enjoy at times.
Meh. *gives Salamence cookie*
Why does everyone say this to me? ^^; I'm only 14, actually 13. It's just that I really try to get in-depth about using the thesarus; it's a habit of mine that I often pay to much attention to the vocabulary I'm using than the plot or other elements of the story. Thanks for pointing that out! ^^
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Old 05-31-2006, 06:04 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayden Javlaíakín
Katiekitten:
Orange_Flaaffy:

Meh. *gives Salamence cookie*
Why does everyone say this to me? ^^; I'm only 14, actually 13. It's just that I really try to get in-depth about using the thesaurus; it's a habit of mine that I often pay to much attention to the vocabulary I'm using than the plot or other elements of the story. Thanks for pointing that out! ^^
Yes, well I did not mean to sound all preachy but...
From my college classes I have gotten to the point where I can tell very clearly when a writer is using bigger words merely for their own sake. One such writer I know from another form spent a whole page only detailing the path a drop of water took down the side of a glass, doing everything but just calling it 'water'. I'd hate to see you become one of those self-important fic writers who uses bigger words just for the sake of begging rights, putting everyone down for not seeing their 'vision' while driving many readers away.

Sometimes using smaller words, or at least more well known forms of them, is the best way to go

Quote:
He spewed forth an azure stub for a hand.
'He spewed' makes me think he threw up his arm or something.

1 expel or be expelled in large quantities rapidly and forcibly. 2 informal vomit. >n. informal vomit.

And a stub? That would be hard to walk on don't you think ?

Often, using larger words actually shorten your details, as they are very, for the most part, Specific in the way they are meant to be used, rather than the Swiss Army knife's that are smaller words. A thesaurus is a powerful thing, and not meant to be used lightly or at least not when you don't know the exact implications of the word you're planning on substituting your simple word for.
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Old 05-31-2006, 06:41 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange_Flaaffy
Yes, well I did not mean to sound all preachy but...
From my college classes I have gotten to the point where I can tell very clearly when a writer is using bigger words merely for their own sake. One such writer I know from another form spent a whole page only detailing the path a drop of water took down the side of a glass, doing everything but just calling it 'water'. I'd hate to see you become one of those self-important fic writers who uses bigger words just for the sake of begging rights, putting everyone down for not seeing their 'vision' while driving many readers away.

Sometimes using smaller words, or at least more well known forms of them, is the best way to go



'He spewed' makes me think he threw up his arm or something.

1 expel or be expelled in large quantities rapidly and forcibly. 2 informal vomit. >n. informal vomit.

And a stub? That would be hard to walk on don't you think ?

Often, using larger words actually shorten your details, as they are very, for the most part, Specific in the way they are meant to be used, rather than the Swiss Army knife's that are smaller words. A thesaurus is a powerful thing, and not meant to be used lightly or at least not when you don't know the exact implications of the word you're planning on substituting your simple word for.
I do see your point... I'll watch to make sure I don't accidently overdescribe or overuse the thesarus, thanks for the input! ^^ *gives another Salamence cookie*

STUBBY!! :D But dosen't Bagon walk on its back legs? Because I'm talking about his arm.

And about the 'spewed' thing, I was using it figuratively. You know, not using its literal definiation. Thanks for the concern anyway. ^^
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:36 PM
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Pretty nice idea and prologue and what not. The only thing that isn't good is, as others have said, the words that not many people know. It turns off readers alot of the time.

Anyway, I also like pokemon centered fics instead of people centered fics. Pretty good. I'll keep reading.
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:43 PM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Thanks for the review, Sceptile! ^^ *gives Salamence cookie*

I wonder if it's just the people here that aren't really getting it. Because at SPPF, they say it's really good anyway - vocabulary and all. :/
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:01 AM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayden Javlaíakín
Thanks for the review, Sceptile! ^^ *gives Salamence cookie*

I wonder if it's just the people here that aren't really getting it. Because at SPPF, they say it's really good anyway - vocabulary and all. :/
SPPF, um they always say they have 'higher standards' than most. So around them, even if your larger words are misused they always say they love it.
They love to, as a forum, treat their fanfics as English papers 80% of the time, and crush all that do not agree with them, saying that the only good writer is a wordy one. *Sigh* More of my opition on such a place was posted in my LJ not long ago if you ever would like to take a look, I'd rather not rant here...
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:09 AM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Serebii... Reviewers there are impressed by big words. Because the bigger the words, the older you must be, according to some reviewers. Some reviewers don't want to say that the vocab is a bit much when thousands have already said it's great. I know. I was one of them, a while ago, when a poet named mindripper wrote a story. I couldn't understand any of it. The words were utterly complex, I understood one word in five. But I didn't say anything. Oh no. Because ten people before me had praised it to high heaven, including people I respected, and I daren't say a word against it. For if you do, you might look stupid infront of everyone.

In the smaller forums, you might get a lot of Newbie reviews, but others will have the courage to say what the problem is. I am slowly gaining confidence as I get older, so I speak out more in serebii. If I don't like something, I say it. There are some spectacular reviewers on serebii, Negrek and Act to name two, who will spend forever writing you a twenty page plus review on everything you have done wrong. And they are normally right. They have the confidence to go against all that others have said. They are the reviews that seriously help. But if it is a problem like this, serebii falls. Hard.

I have no clue why I just wrote this. XD It got a lot off my chest, anyway... Just ignore this useless post. :D
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:21 AM
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Hm, well , if big words are the be all and end all of being older, I guess they must think at 23 that I am a failer in the writing world :P. Not that I care about them, still. I guess why I hate their way of thinking is that they grab up newbies and force them to think that the forums way of thinking is The One True Way, rather than letting them have *gasp* opitions of their own *gasp*
I like to keep to smaller forums like this where I am not judged to high heaven for things like my learning disablity. This was my first forum so I feel at home writing here :).
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:48 AM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

I like the smaller forums, but I never get any reviews here. I only migrated to serebii when this forum went down. XD

Anyways, like I said, Kayden, I really liked it. :)
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:53 AM
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Default Re: Nefarious Serendipity

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiekitten
I like the smaller forums, but I never get any reviews here. I only migrated to serebii when this forum went down. XD

Anyways, like I said, Kayden, I really liked it. :)
Thanks, katiekitten... again.

Ermm.. I kinda ran out of cookies, so here's some carrot sticks! ^^

I post at the smaller forums most often, too. If you look at my Serebii or Poke'Community account, I've posted on each only like ten times... O_o

Pertaining to the fic, though. I've started Chapter One, and am about 13% complete with it. Half of a page on Wordperfect, lol. >.<

Expect it earlier than I said.
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