Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 01-25-2007, 11:07 PM
Tamer Marco Offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: i did it 4 teh lulz
Posts: 6,541
Send a message via ICQ to Tamer Marco Send a message via AIM to Tamer Marco Send a message via MSN to Tamer Marco Send a message via Yahoo to Tamer Marco
Default Test of Strenghth

Marco was through training his Pokemon in the forest for now. He called back Mudkip he owned, and progressed his way through the hidden forest valley of which only a select group of people about. He grabbed his water bottle and drank from it. While he looked up, he saw an entire flock of Spearows, all flying in unison, apparently trying to go to the same place at the same time. Marco continued to watch the Pokemon move, until the sun was suddenly blocked out. A giant Fearow came over the visible light from the sun, making the entire valley dark. Fearow flapped its enormus wings, and a blast of wind made Marco fall.

"Ouch!" he said. "What was that thing in such a rush for?" he thought. Marco pulled himself up slowly, and brushed the dirt off of his blue jeans. He felt his stomach growl at him. Time to chow down. There wasn't a hotel for miles, so he had to make camp. His backpack (which stored a variety of things) had a tent inside for sleeping quarters. He pulled the tent out, and as if he had done this thing a million times, carefully set it up perfectly. The problem with trying to be a Pokemon master in training was the fact that you'd given up the right to have food cooked for you, and sleeping in an actual bed. He was waiting for someone. An old friend that would help him on his journey to become one of the Elite 4 in the Kanto region. Night soon fell, and Marco's friend was nowhere in sight. The trees were so tall, they even blocked out light from the moon. Marco was nearly in complete darkness. "Guess he isn't going to show..." he thought, saddened that he would have to continue alone. "Torchic, come on out!" Marco threw a blue Pokeball, to wherever he did, and a red flash of light let out a cute chick Pokemon, that was standing only on one leg.

"Tooorchic!" it chirped happily. After the light had faded, I couldn't see Torchic anymore.

"Torchic, can you make a fire for me? Marco asked the Pokemon. Torchic obviously thought it was okay, because seconds later, little flame particles came up, and lit the large pile of wood that Marco had set up. "Great Torchic." Marco picked up the Pokeball that he had used to summon Torchic, and used it to bring him back. Marco walked into the tent, and sighed. He lay his head on the pillow, and went to sleep.

The next morning, when he woke up, he could hear the fire still cracking, but he could hear the footsteps of something else too, likely to be a person. Marco got up as slowly as possible, not to alert his prescense. He moved down to the exit of the tent like a ghost. The tent flap opened up when he had gotten close enough. He could see the person that was there. A young man eating marshmallow's with a tank top on. "Freeze criminal!" Marco said.

The man turned around. "Whoa dude, didn't mean to scare ya... Marco?" The man asked quietly.

"Oh, its you!" said Marco excitedly. "How's it been Ben?"

"You know, capturing Pokemon, winning battles, that sort of thing. I've already got all the badges, i've just decided to meet up with you while passing through. Sorry I was so late." Marco was greatly relieved. But something didn't set right with him.

"You got- all the badges?" Marco asked.

"Yeah, every last one!" said Ben, proud of his acomplishment. The smile on his face lit up his entire face.

"Oh, I only have three." Marco's voice lowered with each sound he made.

"Chill dude. The real reason I wanted to meet up with you is because I was thinking of giving you a present." The smile on Ben's face grew even wider.

"What is it?" asked Marco eagerly.

"All 8 of the gym badges. Counterfeited them myself." This was not the answer Marco wanted to hear. Ben pulled out a shiny box, and handed it to Marco. Marco opened it. Ben was right. All eight of the gym badges, in top condition.

"No way!" Marco said angrily, not believing his friend would do such a thing. "If these are fakes, I won't accept them. I have to earn these things on my own."

"Hey dude, just trying to help. No matter what you say, the offer will still stand. Marco thought in his head, "Do I want to continue this journey anymore?"
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-27-2007, 12:36 AM
Tamer Marco Offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: i did it 4 teh lulz
Posts: 6,541
Send a message via ICQ to Tamer Marco Send a message via AIM to Tamer Marco Send a message via MSN to Tamer Marco Send a message via Yahoo to Tamer Marco
Default Re: Test of Strenghth

Marco stared at Ben, they're eyes blazing. "If you don't want to take my gift, that's fine." Ben got up slowly, and snatched the silver box from my hand. "Don't cry to me when your dream doesn't come true." Ben grabbed his backpack, and slowly walked away.

"Wait!" said Marco.

"What?!" snarled Ben.

"Good luck becoming one the Elite Four." said Marco. Ben rushed out of the hidden valley, leaving Marco alone. There was no sound except the sound of footsteps, and the crack of fire. Marco began to deflate his tent, and watched Ben leave the area. They were rivals, but the conversation they had made the rivalry even more intense. He was out of sight after a minute.
After he was packed up, he released Torchic from his Pokeball to keep him company.

"Tor!" it said happily.

"C'mon Torchic." Marco told Torchic dully. They moved through the lost valley, Marco taking two steps at a time to reach the nearest Pokemon center. He was angry at himself. If he wanted his friend still, he would of just accepted the badges. He moved at a faster pace than before, nearly running, and leaving Torchic. It would never catch up to him. "Return!" Marco said with force. Torchic went back into the Pokeball. Marco walked until he was out of breath, but the Pokemon Center was now visible. It was nearly dark, but there was enough daylight out to reach the center without it getting dark. Marco decided to go, even though a stitch in his side was causing him pain. He ignored, running even faster. It gave him more pain, but eventually, it subsided, leaving him feel winded, but better than before. He used a small cliff that could be jumped without hurting one's self, and fell downward to the Pokemon center. The Pokemon Center was in perfect contrast to the night sky, and acres of trees. Marco walked inside, hungry for some food. There was a small group of trainers, visible from the front door. What made them so eye-catching was that they all wore the same jumpsuit, with PCL blazing on their backs in big red letters. Marco wondered what that was all about. "Food." Marco thought to himself desperately. His legs felt like Jell-O, which he would certainly eat right about now. Marco pushed himself to the Poke Center's food court, used for trainers and Pokemon alike. "Can I get some food please..." Marco asked. The nurse Joy smiled at her. He couldn't tell any of the nurses apart, as they all looked exactly alike, and they were all named Joy. Before asking what he wanted, he pulled out a number from the ticket counter.

"Now little boy, what would you like to eat? Would you like some spinach, it'll be good for you." she smiled when she said spinach, a combination of things that Marco would never consider doing.

"I'm not little, i'm 10!" Marco said defensively. "And get me some pizza!" he demanded. Nurse Joy's smile widened.

"Sure, it'll be made in a few minutes." she said. The wait was less than that, and as they called his number, he rushed to get his food. When he turned around to get his food, he noticed that every table he had wanted to sit in had already been occupied. There was one table with one seat left. Even it had a few of the members in the blue jumpsuits.

"Excuse me, may I sit here?" asked Marco, much more politely than he was with the Nurse Joy.

"Yeah kid, sure." said one of the men at the table, who continued to chat with his friend. Marco sat down on the leather, but still felt uncomfortable, with all these people around. There was not a single person that he was familar with, or a single group that he actually knew about. What did PCL stand for anyway? Marco ate little bites of his food, sad that he wouldn't eat anything so good in a long time. The man who had talked to Marco earlier asked him, "Are you with us kid?".


"No." said Marco, shoving more food into his mouth.

"Well, you should be." The man had the same jumpsuit on, but he was older than all of the others. His face was very wrinkly. "We are as you know by now, PCL, or the Pokemon Catching League. Ever heard of us?" he asked.

"No." said Marco. "What exactly do you all do?" said Marco impatiently.

"We capture rare Pokemon. And in this area, there have been sightings of special Pokemon awaiting capture." Marco swallowed all of his food in one gulp, and began to talk normally.

"Really!" he exclaimed. "Can I join?" Marco asked.

"Sure, but the contest is only in two days. You're signing up at just the right time." The man explained to him more specifically, "We go around looking for amazing Pokemon, and when they are sighted, we catch them." There was a little twinkle in his eye, as if him recruiting me meant something important. He opened his hand to me. Marco gave him a handshake. "The contest is divided up by age, and we needed more younger trainers like you anyway. He sounded as eager as Marco did.

"So, when can I join?" Marco asked, needing some new Pokemon. "Do we get to keep anything we capture?"

"Of course you do," said the old man. "Our goal is to catch em all." This seemed like a dream come true for Marco. "Oh, and you get to join now, if you want. I always carry these papers, around, just in case if anyone wants to join our little organization." He smiled, and pulled out a backpack that is the standard for most trainers. He unziped it, and shuffled around in search of the papers. "Here you go." he said.

Marco skimmed through the details, not actually reading them. When he got to the bottom of the page, he saw the signature area. "Pen please." Marco asked. The old man gave him the pen. Marco then scribbled his writing onto the document.

"We'll have your equipment by tommorow, we're going to be here until after the contest." he said.

"Okay! Well, see you, Mr... um, whats your name?"

"Call me John." he said.

"Alright, see you Mr. John." Marco didn't even finish his food, he just got up, and scurried to the hotel reservation area. The hotels weren't much at all, but they were far better than sleeping outside. Marco saw the Nurse Joy in charge of the hotel. "One reservation please." said Marco.

"Sure, here you go." said the Nurse Joy who was different, but felt the same in every way. She handed him the key to the room. "Enjoy your stay." she said.

"Thank you!" said Marco, and he went to his room, and unlocked the door. It was furnished this time, and had a television. "Mabye this Pokemon Center is richer than others." Marco thought. He dropped his bookbag and other items, and jumped on the bed. It was incredibly soft. Marco ended up going to sleep thinking about the rare Pokemon.

Last edited by Tamer Marco; 01-28-2007 at 03:56 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-04-2007, 03:59 PM
Tamer Marco Offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: i did it 4 teh lulz
Posts: 6,541
Send a message via ICQ to Tamer Marco Send a message via AIM to Tamer Marco Send a message via MSN to Tamer Marco Send a message via Yahoo to Tamer Marco
Default Re: Test of Strenghth

The sound of plump Pidgey chirping in the distance awoke Marco. Marco looked around at his surrondings. Same bed, same bookbag, same everything. He sighed. He had a dream where he was a Pokemon Master, and was living a lavish life.

"One step at a time." he said to himself. He got dressed quicky, leaving no spare time for anything else that he had to. Marco rushed himself to the area where he met the trainer last. As he said, the group was still there, and in even larger numbers. "Wow." Marco said, a little impressed. He saw a few kids his age, but he just walked by them, waiting for the old man that he had met earlier. There he was, still talking to the same people as he was last night. He let out a hearty laugh, and was holding a bag. One of the guys must of said something funny. Marco didn't have to ask the man anything, as he caught his eye, and walked over to him.

"Hello son!" he said. "Did you train your Pokemon last night?"

"No." said Marco. Marco was too tired to train his Pokemon.

"Well, here's your stuff." said John. He gave Marco the bag. It nearly fell when it got into Marco's hand, it was so heavy. Marco lifted the bag up with his knees first. It was killing him to hold something that weighed more than he did.

"Ha, ha..." John chuckled.

"Whats in here?!" asked Marco. He was still tugging at the bag.

"Look." John said bluntly. Marco dropped the bag, he couldn't hold it any longer. He twisted his hands, to try to get the pain out of them, and looked inside the bag. Inside there was a suit that was identical to every boy's suit (the girls wore pink, but the boys wore blue), just in his size. There was also an old fishing rod.

"We're going after a water Pokemon, aren't we." Marco infered. The fishing rod was a dead giveaway.

"Yes, we are." John said. John then looked away from Marco, and began scanning the room. "Okay everyone!" he called out, his hands cupped over his mouth. "The contest starts tommorow, find the biggest mystery Pokemon! Train yourselves now in the art of finding things, because this will be no cakewalk!" Marco already felt prepared. "Good luck to all of you." John finally said. Marco had to be the one to win the contest. There wasn't any room for error on his part. Marco walked out of the bright room full of trainers, a fire in his soul. He was outside again, and thought about his friend Ben. What had happened between them that had made him so angry? Would Marco see him again? Marco knew that he would, but he didn't know if they would be friends, or partners. Marco spent about an entire hour, daydreaming about what was going to happen in his future, the good and the bad. It was cold outside, but Marco didn't feel the wind. The fire of his soul kept him warm until he went back inside of the Pokemon center. In that time, mostly everyone had left, it was past the morning time, almost noon. Marco decided that he had to train his Pokemon to the next level.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-05-2007, 02:47 AM
Tamer Marco Offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: i did it 4 teh lulz
Posts: 6,541
Send a message via ICQ to Tamer Marco Send a message via AIM to Tamer Marco Send a message via MSN to Tamer Marco Send a message via Yahoo to Tamer Marco
Default Re: Test of Strenghth

Marco was annoyed that his two Pokemon were only on the basic level. Torchic and Mudkip, two of the strongest Pokemon when they're powers were fully developed. But currently, he had no chance. Marco grabbed a Pokeball from his waist, he could tell the difference by the texture of the ball. One felt smooth, and nice. The other felt like it had dents and holes in it. The latter was caused by Marco throwing it so much.

"Go Mudkip!" Marco said. The red energy mixed in and swirled with the floor of the Pokemon Center, and the fish Pokemon popped out excitedly. Marco put the Pokeball back into his pocket. Mudkip's large eyes stared up at him excitedly.

"Mudkip, ready to train a little?" Marco asked it, knowing it didn't have much of a choice anyway. If he was going to be fishing, Marco knew that another water Pokemon would have an evenness, at least more than that of Torchic. Marco planned to get Mudkip to Marshtomp by the end of the day.
"C'mon Mudkip." Marco said. Marco began to walk out of the door of the Pokemon Center as Mudkip quickly followed. Marco was going to go to the valley again, a place where he wouldn't be caught by all the other trainers, and he could train Mudkip alone. The valley was a few miles away, it would take up most of the time of the day that Marco had left to train Mudkip, but Marco thought that it was time anyway. Marco cut through the path of forests which he was taught by his father. He always used this route, and it always either ended or began with a short cliff. When Marco finally got to the cliff, he heard some commotion. People were talking loudly, and by the sound of it, there were lots of them. It was suspicious. Marco climbed the cliff quickly, not missing a single step. What was there shocked Marco.

"What are you guys doing here?!" screamed Marco. Everyone ignored him, apparently they couldn't hear him. A hand touched his shoulder from behind.

"Great place to capture some Pokemon, isn't it?" asked a familar voice. It was Ben, his new rival.

"You told, didn't you?" Marco angrily asked? "What was the problem with me not taking those stupid badges?"

"Who said that I told?" chuckled Ben. It was his own trademark reverse psychology with Marco, he wasn't used to it anymore. "I just told a few of my friends about a mystery Pokemon in a mysterious location, and..."

"Shut up!" Marco snarled. He was angrier than before. He wanted to punch Ben in the face so badly. Marco didn't know what to do. An area untouched for centuries by technology and humans was sure to be abused. Marco knew that it was for the contest, but he couldn't call it off. It wasn't like it was his property or anything. All of the trees, the lakes. Marco soon knew that they would be gone, and that this was likely his last chance to enjoy them.

"If it makes you feel any better..." Ben started. "I'm in the contest too. Lets give it a good showing, right?" Ben laughed, and took off. This was it for the valley. Marco went back to the Pokemon Center, fighting back the tears of losing his old home.

The day of the contest snuck up on Marco quickly. Hours of anticapation and thinking didn't mean squat if you didn't have the firepower to back it up. Marco suited up, and went downstairs for the opening ceremony for the event. Marco wanted to prepare, but his body didn't move to do anything. He asked himself, why was that place even so important to him. Then he asked himself if he had made the right friends. There was a small podium, where a man walked to. He had silver hair, and was wearing the same jumpsuit as everyone else, but his was a little different. It had two gold things on it. They must of been for something he won.

"Hello everyone, welcome to this Pokemon Capture League event!" he said. Everyone cheered as he cleared his throat, and moved on. "It is my pleasure to announce the rare Pokemon of the event. Horsea!" Some in the crowd cheered, but others booed. Marco was one of the ones that booed the Pokemon.

"What?!" Marco said silently to himself. He had went through all this trouble for a Horsea? Marco's blood began to boil. Why didn't he even sign up? If he knew it was going to be a Pokemon like that, he would be on his way to some new town already. He had never heard of a Horsea beening a powerful rare Pokemon.

"Despite what some may think, Horsea is a strong, and tough little Pokemon."It may be a weak at first, but there is no doubt that it becomes one of the strongest water Pokemon. Whoever catches one will have the honor of one day having a Kingdra!" This brought out even more applause from the audience.

"Kingdra isn't so bad..." Marco thought silently. "But i've already got a water Pokemon."

The young man at the podium delievered his last words. "So today, I hope you have all of your tools to catch a reliable, strong Pokemon!" "We are leaving soon, so everyone get into a van. The drive will not be very long." Marco looked outside. In contrast to the beautiful trees and forests, there were a few old vans that looked as if their mechanical prescense's were just polluting the air a little more every second. Marco felt disgusted at what an organization like this was doing to a place that should be disturbed by so many people. As he was daydreaming, he noticed that everyone was leaving. He ran a little, and caught up. People were already getting loaded into the vans. He didn't know which van to get into, so he got into the nearest van. There were only old people in the van.

"You're in the wrong van kiddo." said a dried up old man. "The last one." Marco got out silently, and went to the "last" van. He didn't really know what the old man was talking about, but he didn't question him either. Marco believed he had found what the older man was talking about, and got inside of that one. There were five seats filled, Marco was the last (in the sixth seat). He didn't say anything to anyone, angry at everyone and everything for what they were about to do. Marco looked around and saw a redheaded girl, twins that looked exactly alike by the face and clothing, all that was different was their hairstyles. One had a crew cut, another had a buzz cut. The last two Marco couldn't see, they were all the way at the top of the van. As Marco sat in angry silence, the van took off, and headed twoards the valley.

The ride was short, it was much longer to walk like Marco had been doing. They rode through the valley's crevace's and pathways until they reached a lake that Marco had never seen before. It was beautiful, with Magikarp's and Horsea's already swimming and playing in it.

"Wow." said the redheaded girl. Marco looked at her and asked,

"You like this place?".

"Yeah." she said. "But i'm pretty sure this is an uncharted area. Full of life. I'd hate to see what would happen when they turn it in.

Marco was thinking of the exaxt same thing. "Yeah, I knew of this place way before anyone else, but my old friend turned it in." Marco then regreted what he had said for some reason.

"Wow, did you keep it a secret?" she asked. "My name is Taylor by the way."

"I'm Marco." he said. "And yeah, I tried to keep it a secret, but that didn't work out too well, did it?" Marco said, thinking that he should of kept the area a family secret. It was his grandfather who had taught him all about the area. Now it would probably become a strip mall or something.

"Well, good luck with whatever you do." said Taylor. The car stoped to a screeching halt. After a few seconds, everyone got out. The adult driver would probably watch over the littler children. The adults and older teenagers got driven off to a different part of the lake. Now, it was time for Marco to catch the Horsea.

"Okay kids." said the driver. "You've got three hours to catch the biggest Horsea for your age group. Good luck." Marco was determined to get the Pokemon.

"Come out Mudkip!" Marco said. He was hoping he would impress the other kids with his foriegn Pokemon.

"Cool, you have a Mudkip." said one of the twins that was in the van. "I have a Marshtomp, but i'm using Jolteon." Marco then already fell to an all time disadvantage.

"Uh, good luck." Marco said. The only real way for Marco to win was to catch as many Horsea's as possible, starting now. Marco grabbed the fishing rod from his waist. "C'mon Mudkip." Marco said. The fish pokemon eagerly followed Marco to the lake. Mudkip looked at the crystal clear water. It jumped right in. "Mudkip!" Marco said. "Get out of there."

"So sad, no control over you Pokemon." said the other twin. He had a different voice, but if it wasn't for that, Marco wouldn't of been able to tell the difference between the two. Marco ignored them, and continued to remove his gear for fishing. He put a Pokeblock on the fishing rod, and made a near perfect cast into the water. Only a few seconds later, he felt the rod tug.

"I've got one!" Marco said." He pulled in the rod. As it came out, it was only a Magikarp, sucking on the Pokeblock. "What?!" said Marco. When the Magikarp was done, it fell back into the water, completely full for the day.

"Haha!" taunted a few kids. Marco still ignored them. In one sweeping motion afterwards, he grabbed another Pokeblock from his back, and placed it on the fishing rod, and casted it. This time, he had to catch the Horsea, he didn't have too many Pokeblocks to spare. Marco felt a light tug at the rod. This could be it.

Marco turned around to the others, and said, "This time guys, it'll be for real." Marco smirked. None of them were fishing yet, and they were watching Marco with thier eyes wide open. Suddenly, the pull on the rod got much heavier, and almost sucked Marco deep into the lake. "Help!" he screamed.

"Hang on!" said the driver. He grabbed Marco by the waist, and tried to pull him back to the land. "Just let go of the rod!" said the man.

"No!" Marco said. He could feel his muscles gettting stronger, this was a once in a lifetime chance. "Arrghh!" Marco moaned. He finally reeled out the Pokemon. This time, it was a Horsea, but not what he expected. It was large and fat. It was still sucking on the rod, like a little kid with candy. Marco lifted the Horsea over to land, and dropped the fishing rod. It got all of the squishy and sticky Pokeblock off, and then when it was done, it realeased a big belch, squirting ink onto the ground.

"Ew!" cried Taylor. "We have to capture one of those blue monstrosities?!" Marco was definetly the one that would win the prize now. All he had to do was capture it.

"Go Mudkip!" Marco started. "Use Water Gun on the Horsea!" Mudkip got less distracted, and commenced to do what Marco said. A stream of water gushed out from Mudkip's mouth, and hit the Horsea right in the belly. The Horsea then gushed out more ink, turning the water around him black. It slowly stood up, and did something Marco didn't expect. It released a Water Gun of its own. Mudkip had the advantage of speed, but not the element of surprise. The Hydro Pump barely missed Marco's head, and went directly to Mudkip. It didn't hurt Mudkip badly, but it wasn't anything good. "Shake it off Mudkip!" Marco said. Mudkip literally shook the water off, like a dog, getting Marco wet. "Now, use Water Gun again!" said Marco. The fish Pokemon was eager to get his revenge. It got closer to the Horsea, that was still spitting out ink jets out of its pain, and sprayed the Horsea clean.

"HORSEA!" it yelled. It was large, and had a deep voice. Now it was angry, but down. It was Marco's chance.

"Go, Pokeball!" Marco said. It was thrown, and absorbed the Horsea. Horsea immediately bursted out of the Pokeball. "C'mon Mudkip, do something!" Marco pleaded. He didn't know what else to do. Mudkip looked at Marco patiently for the next move, but he didn't know what else to do. All of a sudden, Mudkip's body went totally black. Even its eyes were covered in a black sludge.

"Mudkippp..." it cried silently. Mudkip twisted around, and stumbled. Mudkip then fell down. Horsea unleashed yet another Water Gun, this time injuring Mudkip.

"No!" Marco said. But Mudkip was enveloped in a crystal light. It got up on its hind legs. "Wow!" said Marco, amazed that Mudkip wasn't out yet. The light faded, allowing Marco to see his new Marshtomp for the first time.

"Marshtomp!" It cried out. It was a lot stronger now. The orange fins increased in size, and it was a lot larger period. Then as its first move, it sprayed all of the ground next to the Horsea with water. It was muddy now. Marco had read something about Marshtomp fighthing the best in mud. It swam forward in the mud, moving twoards the Horsea that stumbled and fell. On it's own ideas, it used an extremely powerful Take Down move. The Horsea was slammed against a nearby tree. The battle was over.

"Pokeball go!" Marco said. He had to catch the Horsea.

Last edited by Tamer Marco; 02-09-2007 at 03:22 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-16-2007, 10:59 PM
FireflyK's Avatar
FireflyK Offline
Five by Five
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Under your bed
Posts: 4,290
Send a message via AIM to FireflyK
Default Re: Test of Strenghth

Introduction: Your introduction was good. However, since you’ve used the same character in a connected story before this… A bit of background on what he did in the past one would be nice. It would have explained why he was in the forest, to start with. ^_^ Just a little author’s note before the story saying something like “Previously, in –story name-, Marco went to the forest to train his Pokemon-, or whyever he was in the forest.


Plot: After training in the forest, and nearly getting hit by a bird Pokemon, Marco makes camp, then is glad to see his friend has arrived. His friend, however, offers him Gym Badges, which are fake, to his dismay. He sets off on his journey again, meets some people from the PCL, deals with his rival, and catches a Horsea. ^_^ This was good. There were plenty of little twists and turns, and it was complex enough, story-wise, for something even harder to get than a Horsea. Good job.

Grammar: Not much to say here. There didn’t seem to be any important errors. I only saw a few things- ‘casted’ instead of ‘cast’, ‘bursted’ instead of ‘burst’- but those are minor errors.

Details:
Again, not really much to comment on. You did a good job. The little details were a nice touch, too, like describing the people in the vans, and the Horsea when it was first caught on the fishing line.

Battle:
I liked your battle, and the parts leading up to it. The false excitement over the Magikarp, then the messiness of the Horsea, were good.

The battle had plenty of description, which I liked. One little inconsistency showed up- you had the Horsea used Water Gun, but then said a Hydro Pump nearly hit the trainer’s head before hitting Mudkip. This, however, isn’t a big deal in the general scheme of things, because they ARE both water attacks, and the rest of the battle was excellent. Creating the mud at the end was a good idea.

Overall:
Horsea Captured! Good job! Just remember, the next time you write a story about a pre-existing character, to add a little note at the beginning summarizing anything important from the last story, for those of us who are reading this one without first reading the prequel.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:49 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com