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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 05-11-2004, 05:02 AM
Icerc Offline
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Default Psyduck and the Creek

Icerc awoke drenched in sweat. He had had a nightmare that he was drowning in a pool, which was stupid becasue he was an excellent swimmer and loved water pokemon.

He went downstairs to get some grub, he was starving. As he reached the bottom step he could smell the sweet aroma of his mothers delicious pancakes. He walked into the the kitchen to see his mother Lily and his sister Maurna sitting at the table eating. His sister was wearing her favorite "Mudd" brand shirt with her navy blue caprices. His mother on the other hand looked more sophisticated in her bright red Sunday dress.

"Hey mom, hey sis," I greeted them as he took his usual seat and began to reach for some pancakes. "Hey honey," I mom said smiling. "You do know what today is don't you?" "No what?" I ask. At that moment my sister shot me a dark look. "It's the day I get my first pokemon and your coming with me to get it," she sneered. "Oh yeah, how could I forget," I responded.

After breakfast Icerc got dressed in his favorite blue shorts and plain red shirt. He slapped some gel in his hair and combed it back. He ran out to meet his sister in the hall waiting impatiently for him tapping her foot.

"There you are. Where have you been?" she asked. "I was getting ready to go with you to get your first pokemon," I replied.

We headed outside to go to the Lab which was only a few blocks away. We arrived at the lab a few minutes. "Hey Prof. Reed, I'm here for my first pokemon!" my sister exclaimed as we burst through the door. "Hello, you may choose from one of the following pokemon: Poochyena, Ralts, or Shroomish.
"What?!" questioned my sister. "What happend to Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle?" she asked. “Well you see, I kind of ran out of those Pokemon,” he said with a chuckle. Knowing my sister she would pick a Ralts, because of her passion for Psychic Pokemon. Liking certain types of Pokemon kind of ran in the family. “I guess I’ll take a Ralts then please.” she said with a confused kind of smile. “Okay, here you go dear,” he said handing her the pokeball. “Wow! Thanks,” she said practically falling over. We then said our goodbyes and left with haste.

As we stepped outside Maurna turned to me and said, “Hey why don’t we go to the creek and battle with my new Pokemon?” she asked. “Alright if you want but we better hurry so mom doesn’t worry,” I replied.

We ran down to the creek where all the trainers went to battle other trainers for prizes, usually money, sometimes rare stones. When we reached the creek Maurna ran up to a trainer and ask for a battle right away. The trainer gladly accepted the challenge. I didn't stick around to see the outcome.

I walked over to the river looked down and saw a glistening Psyduck. Wow! I’ve got to catch this Pokemon I thought. I reached for a pokeball and throw it up into the air and shouted, “Go Staryu! Use swift.” Staryu sent out a glorious ray of stars out of it’s center core. Psyduck tried to avoid it but fails. Psyduck jumps back to it’s feet and sticks out a hand that starts to glow blue, and the next minute Staryu starts to glow blue. “Oh no, it must be Psyducks disable attack,” I say to myself, “Alright Staryu use tackle.” Staryu flings it’s self at Psyduck but Psyduck dodges it and hits Staryu in the back with scratch. “Try Bubblebeam,” I shout. Staryu sends out a powerful blast of bubbles colliding with Psyduck dead on making it a critical hit, but it still didn’t do that much damage. Psyduck puckered up his checks to get ready to use hydro pump but Icerc notices this, “Staryu quick use hydro pump!” The two powerful blast of water collide canceling each other out. “Alright Staryu while Psyduck’s guard is down use tackle.” Staryu throws it’s self at Psyduck knocking it backwards. Alright now’s my chance to capture it I say to my self. I grab a pokeball and swing my arm back and throw the ball at Psyduck.

1... 2... 3...
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  #2  
Old 05-29-2004, 06:22 PM
Jack of Clovers's Avatar
Jack of Clovers Offline
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Default Re: Psyduck and the Creek

story:
short for a psyduck. in an introduction first story, you need to detail the characters, place and background info that may be necessary so the reader can follow the story. when i read it, i was confused when Icerc sent out Staryu because i thought he was the one getting the starter Pokemon Ralts. clear lines can solve this problem.

grammer:
when a new speaker speaks, always start a new paragraph.
"it’s self" should be "itself"

detail:
just add more description, like the scenery. you are trying to show the whole picture to the reader in words and if you don't have enough, we can't see the whole thing.

battle:
one paragraph like that won't do. a battle needs to be detailed hard and the battle tough.
"Psyduck dodges it and hits Staryu in the back with scratch." try this... "Psyduck dodges left/right and swoops close, arm out and slashes Staryu in the back with the little claws in its hand.
there is a difference between telling and showing the reader what happens.

tips:
detail, length, and battle-- improve all. i'd say for Psyduck, 2 1/2 times as long as you've written here.

Outcome- Psyduck Not Captured!

~Jack~
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