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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 05-31-2006, 08:19 PM
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Default She dont understand (poem)

Poem

You are the one
The only one for me
But everytime I ask you out
You ignore me
Someday
You will recognize me
But by then
It will be to late
For anything between
You and me.

please comment
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  #2  
Old 05-31-2006, 08:22 PM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elite4Punisher
Poem

You are the one
The only one for me
But everytime I ask you out
You ignore me
Someday
You will recognize me
But by then
It will be to late
For anything between
You and me.

please comment
Please dont take this harsh.

Well this poem, it has a meaning as a feeling, but i cant really feel the fealing, i know tyhat this is meant to be about a girl and u want her, but i cant feel it in this poem. you need a bit of practise.

Try the poetry school in Mixed: Groups/Clubs
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  #3  
Old 05-31-2006, 08:58 PM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Espeon Rinage
Please dont take this harsh.

Well this poem, it has a meaning as a feeling, but i cant really feel the fealing, i know tyhat this is meant to be about a girl and u want her, but i cant feel it in this poem. you need a bit of practise.

Try the poetry school in Mixed: Groups/Clubs
To start the title should be She Doesn't Unerstand.

The poem is lacking proper punctuation, has some grammar mistakes, and does not have any flow or rhythm. It's just some emotional words/phrases slapped together.
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  #4  
Old 05-31-2006, 09:51 PM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Defense.2
To start the title should be She Doesn't Unerstand.

The poem is lacking proper punctuation, has some grammar mistakes, and does not have any flow or rhythm. It's just some emotional words/phrases slapped together.
I agree D.2.

There is no poem that I've heard of that goes like that. I believe there are a small portion of poems who don't rhyme such as yours. If you plan on writing a poem please put some thought into it since you mean to take it seriously. If you want her to take you seriously so badly actually put meaning into it and don't just through words together like that. It looks cheap and unprepared
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  #5  
Old 05-31-2006, 11:01 PM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Well, it's not the best i've ever read... But a tweak here and there, (like punctutation, and feeling) and it's good to go!
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  #6  
Old 06-02-2006, 12:16 AM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

well how can i tweak it
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  #7  
Old 06-02-2006, 11:42 AM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elite4Punisher
well how can i tweak it
Add more emotion and feeling. Make the grammar better.
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  #8  
Old 06-22-2006, 06:39 PM
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Default Re: She dont understand (poem)

Ok, honeslty? You used the word me like four times. Not a lot of feeling at all. Doesn't grab attention and pretty short. And as D.2 said, Doesn't is the correct word, we are not hillbillies.
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