(Ready for Grading) Chinchou Attack

[Lord Celebi]

Chinchou Attack
By rust

It was a nice summer day in Fall City, Fiore. rust Makuta, an average, normal trainer had taken a trip to Fiore catch some exotic Pokemon. He had seen that the waters were filled with water Pokemon he had never seen before. rust was amazed.

rust brought with him his three Pokemon, Swampert, Sealeo, and Lotad. He sat on the Fall City docks with his fishing pole cast, waiting for a bite. A man approached him as he hummed a cheery tune.

“Hey, kid,” The man said, “What are you doing?”

“I’m fishing,” rust replied in a smooth tone, “Looking for exotic Pokemon.”

“Where are you from?” The man asked in a gruff voice. rust realized the man was a fisherman.

“I’m from Sootopolis City. Juan, the Gym Leader, suggested I could find some rare Water Pokemon here,” rust replied, “He said he found a Feebas swimming in these waters.”

“Feebas are quite rare. I’ve seen one only once in my life,” The man recounted, “It was on a fishing trip. We were looking for Corphish to sell. In our net was a Feebas. I took the Feebas and cared for it.”

“Cool,” rust said, amazed, “How is it now?” The man picked up a Pokeball from his belt and threw it onto the floor. A Milotic came out.

“What’s your name, by the way?” The man asked.

“rust Makuta,” rust replied, cheerily.

“rust, eh? That’s an odd name. Anyways, I’m Antoine,” The man said, “Hey, what Pokemon do you have?”

“Let’s see,” rust put his fishing pole down for a moment and took off three red and white balls from his belt. He threw them onto the ground, releasing a Swampert, Sealeo, and Lotad.

“Oh… you really are from Hoenn,” Antoine said. Immediately, the dock they were on began to shake. It then collapsed. Antoine grabbed his Milotic as the dock fell, “Don’t release so many heavy Pokemon onto a dock!” Antoine hit rust on the head, “You coulda killed me!”

“Sorry,” rust had grabbed onto Swampert. He took two Pokeballs and recalled his Sealeo and Lotad. He then clipped his fishing pole on his backpack, “Are you setting sail?”

“Yeah… you can come if you want to find some rare Pokemon,” Antoine said, “Just don’t let out all your Pokemon at once, or you’ll sink my ship!”

Milotic swam onto land and let Antoine onto the pier. Swampert and rust followed. rust recalled his Swampert, and clipped its ball onto his belt. He then followed Antoine onto his ship, the SS Milotic.

The ship was small. It had only one room under the ship, and the deck was quite small. Antoine went into the room to start up the ship. rust heard the roaring motor, and the SS Milotic began to move away.

[Lord Celebi]

The SS Milotic finally stopped somewhere in the middle of the sea. Antoine got out and lowered a net into the water. rust unhooked the fishing pole from his backpack and cast it into the sapphire colored water.

rust watched the water shimmer in the sun. He looked out, onto the Fiore coast, and then on the horizon. The sun was setting. He could hear Nincade chirping in direction of the mainland.

rust was now getting impatient. He had been fishing all day, and no fish had bitten. He figured he had undesirable bait, so he reeled his line in and put a Pokeblock onto his fishing pole. rust cast the line into the deep blue ocean.

Several Butterfree had passed over the ship over the next few hours. rust was now restless, and wanted to catch something… anything… badly. He was surprised when he got a tug on his line.

rust immediately tried to reel the line in, but it was too hard. He tried to get an even footing, so he wouldn’t slip, but it seemed the Pokemon was too strong for him to reel in. He immediately turned to Antoine and said, “Help me!”

Antoine immediately rushed over to rust and grabbed his fishing line. rust continued to try to pull it in. He and Antoine almost had it in. rust could now see the shape of the Pokemon, until a large blue Pokemon with a yellow light on its head came out of the water.

rust jumped into the water and let out his Swampert and Sealeo. He got onto his Sealeo and let his Swampert fight. He could now see that the Pokemon he reeled up was a Chinchou.

“Swampert!” rust called out to his Pokemon, “Use Muddy Water!” Swampert now called forth a large wave of dishwater-colored water. The wave hit the Chinchou, sending it flying into the SS Milotic.

“Hey!” Antoine put his hands on the railing of the boat as he yelled in rust’s direction, “Leave my boat out of this!”

“Okay,” rust replied. The Chinchou now returned to the battlefield and tried to use Spark on Swampert. Unfortunately for Chinchou, Swamper was a ground type, so it didn’t hurt him. Swamper laughed, actually, as the spark hit him in the chest. Swamper now grabbed Chinchou’s light, and smashed Chinchou on a nearby rock.

Swampert let go of Chinchou, and went underwater. It then reemerged, and used water gun on Swampert. It hurt Swampert a little, but not enough to badly wound it.

[Lord Celebi]

“Swampert!” rust called out, “Use another Muddy Water!” Swampert now called forth another dishwater colored water, and it his Chinchou. Chinchou immediately responded with a Take Down. Chinchou flew at Swampert’s face, sending him flying into the nearby rock.

Chinchou then slammed into the rock as it was getting off of Swampert’s face. Needless to say, Swampert was mad, “Swampert, use Earthquake!”

Swampert stamped a mighty foot onto the rock, cracking it in half. Then, the earth underneath the rock rose up, sending a large amount of power into Chinchou. Chinchou flew a few meters, and hit another rock.

Sealeo and Swampert swam up to the rock. rust checked the Chinchou. It was pretty beat up. Its light was twisted, and its skin was more of a purply color. rust could see at least three wounds that were open and bleeding. One had water and rock inside of it.

Chinchou was also covered in a lot of mud from the muddy water. rust could see that there was even mud in Chinchou’s eyes. He took sympathy on the Chinchou, and threw a Pokeball at it…
Ready for Grading!

[Seawolf]

Story: You go fishing ... anyone who goes after Water Pokemon has done this.

Description: I think it could've been used more in certain places (the beginning and the battle) but what you have right now is decent, I suppose. I do not really like stories that lack description.

Spelling/Grammar: Minor things that aren't too important.

Length: Well, I think a Chinchou could use a little more. Which leads me to ...

Battle: Swampert used Muddy Water and Earthquake, and that was it. I know it's a second stage against a basic, but you could add a twist or two to make the battle more exciting.

Outcome: Chinchou not captured. There just needs to be more.