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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 08-06-2006, 01:57 AM
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Default The Tale of the Tailed [Part 2 Up]

Ah... My very first Pokemon related fanfiction, let alone on for URPG... Please be warned that when you read this that the tiny battle scene will make you wanna rip your hair out. Thank you. ^^

There's only a little more than 15,500 characters, which probably isn't enough. Well, here I go. ^.^

-----------------------------
The Tale of the Tailed
Written by ROD.

"It's still so early..." a soft voice murmered. "I can't go on any longer..." And with that, the petite trainer leaned back onto a boulder that was roughly twice her size, having tossed her backpack aside. Her brown hair cascaded over her shoulders in layered bunches and her chocolate eyes looked upward in question. "How does everyone do it? I mean, I'm not walking for a day and I feel like I can't walk anymore. Is this this the e-"

A sudden chirping erupted from her backpack. The brunette lazily bent down and reached into one of the side-pockets and pulled out her slim Pokenav. She quickly cleared her throat and pressed a small button, ending the high-pitched noise.

"Hello?" she said into the Pokenav. It couldn't have been the nurse from the Pokemon Center--this time she had remembered her Pokemon. Who would call her at this time of day? Could it be...?

"Hello sweetheart!" was the chipper response. The girl sighed in relief.

"Mom, did you call to save me?" she bantered, now standing upright against the rock. Why else would her mother call, hmm?

"Dentelle, don't talk like that!" scolded her mother. "Are you trying to say something's wrong, dear?" Detelle felt herself go stiff.

Other then straved, exhausted, and wanting somewhere safe to go, nothing was wrong at all. However, she did want to curl into a ball and sob heavily, but decided to hold back for her mother's sake.

"Mom~, o-of course I'm alright!" Dentelle stammered. She didn't like to lie like this, but these were just one of those times it was okay. She couldn't have her mom concerned over such petty things that every trainer went must've through in their early days.

"Okay, okay. Guess what happened today!" the voice echoed her earlier cheeriness. Dentelle could just see her mother beaming on the other end of the line. That is, while tending to one of her special strawberry cakes, 'course.

"Okay, Mom, shoot." Dentelle had found herself guilty of smiling. She wished her mom would've stayed a little worried for a few more minutes and act how a mother should. However, she accepted this bliss with open arms.

In the midst of her mother's long conversation, something in the distance had caught Dentelle's eyes. While still responding to her mother with incoherent mumbles every now and then, she stood up and teetered over to look beyond the brush that was in the way of her vision. Losing focus, the brunette spoke into the Pokenavi.

"Mom, I, umm... I need to go..." Dentelle said steadily and hung up, putting the nav back where it belonged. Her mom could wait. Cold as it may have been towards her own mother, Dentelle found herself intrigued by this speeding thing of sorts, as it had already sped off...

It was obviously pink... Possibly even a pokemon... If so, it had to have been more than one...or just really big... What would travel in heards at a fast speed? Chansey? Nah. Miltank, perhaps...? Maybe. With these questions needed answering, Dentelle threw her bag over her shoulder and dashed off into the distance.

[Scene Change]

An aged truck pulled up to small Pokemart in the middle of the barren woods. A tall man, looking to be in his mid-twenties, stepped out. He strided to the back of his truck and pointed at it, as if to give an order.

"Okay, varmins, you all stay here!" he directed. His hair was a shade of scarlet, and was slightly spiked. A few of the pink Pokemon gave out a sleepy yawn in response. The man grunted and walked into the blue roofed shop.

[/Scene Change]

After ten minutes of pushing her body to the limit to catch up, Dentelle gave in to the dreaded thought that she had lost the herd. Out of breath, she was surprised to find herself at a Pokemart. As pathetic as it sounded, she thought that she might as well try to get something to eat. The shop was in the middle of no where, for heaven's sake. They had to have something to eat, being far from town and all.

The petite girl wobbled over the the door of the shop to see a rusted blue truck out of the corner of her right eye. She recognised it as something only the elderly would drive and shrugged it off as nothing important. Before grabbing ahold of the knob to the shop, she heard a familiar Pokemon cry. She twisted around and walked to the back of the truck to see it filled with more than a dozen Slowpoke.

"It's probably just a Slowpoke breeder... Or even a thief of sorts...?" Dentelle brushed the latter thought off her shoulders. How could some thief manage to sweep away so many Pokemon and get away with it? And then come to a Pokemart and leave his truck unattended? Exactly. No one could. Had she been stuffed and well rested, she wouldn't have gotten such an idea.

She then noticed an awkward collar on the neck of each of Slowpoke. Much like a collar for a dog, it looked to be made from rough leather. It also looked to be choking the poor things."What is this?" Dentelle questioned. "Wouldn't a Pokemon breeder want to beautify their Pokemon?"

The girl hesistantly jumped onto the back of the old truck and hopped the tailgate, causing it to wretchedly screech. "I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem if I just loosened the collar a tad. I mean, it does look pretty tight..."

Dentelle began to try and assist on of the Slowpoke in prying the collar off it's neck. After giving up her attempt to try and find a fasten of sorts, she decided to try and pull it over the 'poke's head instead. It wasn't until after she gave up on the lost cause that they began to cry. Now she was busying herself with hushing the 'poke.

"Alrighty then, let's be on our way, little pokies!" a low voice from nowhere announced, catching Dentelle off guard. Startled at first, she figured it must've been the breeder whom was done shopping. While she thought it'd be best to confront the breeder directly about this, the brunette decided to stay with the pink pokemon and just hide amongst them.

The truck soon started up, drove in reverse, rotated clockwise, and drove in the southward direction. The truck creaked from age with every bump it went over. "Why was he driving this piece of trash?" Dentelle absentmindedly wondered.

Over a little amount of time, the Slowpoke began to make them selves comfortable, sprawling out on the hunched Dentelle. Feeling slightly cramped from the little space the Slowpoke had given her, she had begun to examine the truck out of boredom and saw a bumper sticker on the rear-view window. It read "Try our Poke-Tail! Home Grown!"

...What?!

"This guy is farming you guys for your tails?!" Dentelle asked the Slowpoke, as several nodded. "That jerk! Don't Slowpoke usually die when people do that?! Or is that because they kill you afterwards...?" Dentelle placed her left index finger on her chin in deep thought.

During this period of thought, some of the Slowpoke began to realise their dangers and starting to crowd together in an act of protecting themselves. This proved to be much more uncomforting to the poor girl.

"Don't worry, guys!" she struggled to say. "I'm gonna try and help to the best of my ability!" Dentelle felt them calm down enough so she could move legs a bit.

Suddenly the truck came to a startling hault. "Oh no, did he hear me? Crap!!" Dentelle thought, trying to pull all the Slowpoke back over her. The tailgate of the truck opened with a creak and the driver stood staring in her general direction. 'Did he spot me...?!' Dentelle was ready in case he did inconvientally spot her. She had already pulled a pokeball from her bag and was now gripping onto it like a lifeline.

"I heard some noise back here... Hey, how the hell did you manage to loosen up your collar?" the guy barked, yanking the same Slowpoke Dentelle had tried to help earlier by it's collar. "I swear, the money better be good to have to put up with you things."

"Stop where you are, jerkwad!!" Dentelle hollared, jumping up pointing her right index finger at the man. As a result, many of the Slowpoke that were on her earlier rolled off. "What is your problem?! Chopping off their tails to eat, you're disgusting!"

"I should be asking you the same, little girl! When did you get in my truck?! GET OUT!!" the man thundered. Dentelle timidly obeyed and hopped out of the back of his truck. He then spotted what she was concealing in her left hand. "Hey, what's that you got? A pokemon, eh?"

Dentelle then decided that maybe a little more lying today was necessary. It wouldn't hurt to just stretch something at least. Maybe the guy will leave her and the 'pokes alone...? Meh, probably not.

"It's my Zapdos, of course!" Dentelle skillfully flubbed. Meeting his eyes, she gave a smug smirk. "I'm not afraid to pull him out on you, sir." Hey, if he beleived her, she could do this all the time! Maybe then she wouldn't have to battle anyone she didn't want to. Yes, make her sorry life easier... Kikiki~....

"Heh, really?" snickered the man. "How about I just take you on, here and now?" His expression matched what Dentelle's was a second ago.

Dentelle's face had lost it's color in an instant. He must not have believed her... He actually wanted to see her little white lie face to face. Shouldn't he be cowering? Now what was she to do? And what if he would want her Pokemon, too? Well, she couldn't just drop the ball she put into motion. Dentelle decided it was best to continue rolling it.

"Fine, but not with my precious Zapdos." She slyly sidestepped. Smooth one. The petite girl had regained her posture and had herself in control once more.

"Pfft, fine." The man stepped back some yards from Dentelle and the truck, pulling out a Pokeball from inside his jacket. "Houndour!" he yelled, followed with the throwing of a pokeball to reveal a lean Houndour. It looked very similar to that of a dog, including the relation to the 'bark is worse than the bite.'

"Ah, no... He's a weakness and strength? Sob..." she thought, pretending to reach into her bag for a different Pokeball. "I'll call out Slowking!" Dentellepulled back her hand and tossed the same ball, dispersing from it a Slowking. It looked much like a Slowpoke, however it stood on two feet and had a shell-like crown.

"This will be interesting. Makes a little more sense now, why you cared for stupid these things," directing his hand towards the truck of Slowpoke who've yet to escape over the wide open tailgate. "Ok, Houndour, Pursuit the thing!" He shouted at his dog-like Pokemon. The hound followed the order and rapidly tackled Slowking to the ground with a thump. Dentelle froze.

That had happened way too fast..!

"What's wrong, waiting for someone to save you, mm?" the thief chuckled. Wow, he really liked to rush things.

"Like heck!" Dentelle growled. Is he not taking her seriously? "Ok, Water gun!" Dentelle called out. The wiser-poke complied and shot a stream of water at the Houndour. While the Houndour managed to evade most of them, he did take a few good hits, also making the ground muddy. "Yes, maybe we can do this!!"

"Stop right there!!" a sharp voice panged, interupting the battle. The thief looked dead on ahead with disbelief written on his face. Dentelle had turned around to be enlightened on who exactly it was to interupt their battle...

[TBC...]

Last edited by Reign-of-Dreams; 08-09-2006 at 04:37 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-06-2006, 02:01 AM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed~

...An officer! In a way, Dentelle was overjoyed, but then again... She felt like she had become a little too dependant...

"You're the guy that bred Slowpoke just to make your Slowpoke Tails, aren't you?" the officer questioned.The man stuttered words not comprehendable as the officer approached him.

She had the guy instantly handcuffed. "I've been tracking you down to exploit you, that is, until this trainer popped up. I was wondering how far she could get, but seeing as she was just a beginner trainer, I figured I'd just break it up before you do anything else."

"This cop knew all along I was some lousy beginner...? It's that obvious...?!" Dentelle grimaced and dropped to the ground.

"Don't worry--you're like a sloppy joe!" the cop laughed. Dentlle continued to slump."You're very sloppy, but the end results are nice--you try your best. You're getting there, kiddo. Thanks for helping." She winked before taking the man forcing the man into the passenger's seat, then collecting the Houndour. Before she hopped into the driver's seat she put the tailgate back up, reassured the Slowpoke, then drove off.

"Nooo~ I'm some sloppy joe!" Dentelle cried. Slowking went over to comfort the sobbing girl, until he noticed something. He tapped her shoulder, and directed her to the attention of a Slowpoke walking along the side of a berry patch, plucking a ripe berry off. It must've been the same one she had actually tried to help out again. He must've jumped out at the right time. Surprisingly, he had also managed to get the collar off. Quite the smart little guy!

"This is our chance to get another Pokemon for our team, Slowking!" Dentelle cheered, rising up from her slumped form. Slowking nodded. Anything can rise his trainer's spirits. Dentelle's day had reached beyond worst earlier and had hightailed back to being a good one.

"Okay, King, let's get serious!" The determined girl declared. "We can't let this guy slip from our grasp!" She held up a determined fist to maroon sky.

This, however, managed to bewilder the Slowking. "S-Slowking-slow!?" he managed to stutter. ("You're saying you're just now getting serious?!")

"Now then, confusion!" Dentelle called out, ignoring her Pokemon's question.

Slowking shook himself from his befuzzlement and directed a bright beam towards the seemingly helpless Slowpoke. He was hit dead-on, and waddled around a bit, confused... However, it didn't take long to for him to regain his focus and he began to charge at a surprsingly fast rate. In one second he had headbutted the unguarded Slowking head on, complete with a soft "crump!", pushing him onto his back in mud.

"Huh?" Dentelle asked to no one inparticular. "Wait... The berries in that bush! He had eaten one from before! Must be bitter berries..." Dentelle sighed. So much for confusing it and letting him take himself out. Great. However, there was still the chance of him having Own Tempo. Forgotten that. Oops.

"Argh, you just wanna annoy me, don't ya!" shouted the finally irked trainer. "Alright, try to use Confusion again!" Dentelle waved her arms around wildly.

The Pokemon of her's shook his head in discouragement. "Slowking... Slowking slowking-king..." said the nervous Pokemon. It wasn't until then that Dentelle realized that it wasn't Headbutt it had used, but...

"Disable... Crap..." Dentelle whispered. "Ok, next plan! Drown it with your Water Gun!" she shouted more clearly. If she could. He was water, right? Yeah, but he didn't have gills. Ha, gotcha~...!

Slowking hadn't wasted his time in complying, as he already had shot a decent amount of water at the Slowpoke. The pokemon was briskly swept off it's feet in an amazing swift movement. It began struggling to get up in the slippery mud from earlier's Water Gun. However, Slowking was ready for a second go, until--

"Stop!" Dentelle shouted. The Slowking got bewildered again. Having a trainer like his Den would probably throw anyone off their feet. "Look, why don't we try to catch it as is... Stuck in the mud... If that doesn't work, we'll just hafta'... weaken him more! Yeah!" confirmed the girl. Honestly, she didn't want to hurt him. She knew this was how a Pokemon trainer worked, but couldn't hel it. If she wasn't ready for this, she wasn't ready. Simple as pie.

The trainer pulled an empty Pokeball from her bag and held it tightly. "Just throw it...?" she asked her dumbfounded Slowking. He nodded and stepped back--just in case she missed.

Eyeing the slipping pokey Pokemon for the last time, she slammed her eyes shut and tossed the ball. The Slowpoke was sucked into it. The ball fell soundlessly and began to wobble...

------------
Done. x_x;

It wasn't until I read Boss's story earlier that I noticed he, too, had a Hound of sorts involved in his story. XD Please note this had been written since yesterday afternoon.
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Old 08-06-2006, 02:07 AM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed [Ready to be Graded]

Okay, here we go.

Story: Nice little story. I would of liked to know why she was having such a bad day. Also it would of been nice to know more about her.

Spelling/Grammar: This was okay, but some things where wrong. Also instead of saying " 'course " say " of course "

Description: Okay discription. What where the trainers wearing? What did the slowpoke look like? What about the store, how did that look? More description is needed.

Length: 15000 is good.

Battle: This was short and you really didn't hurt the pokemon at all. This should be longer also, around half of the overall story. Now sure, sometime this woun't be used, but tis a good guideline.

Outcome: Well, this was your first story, but it could use some improvement, so Slowpoke Captured!.

Tips: This was very very borderline. It needs more description and more battle next time. Also when changing scenes discribe it, like "Meanwhile, at an old store a tall mestrious man slamed the door to his beat down blue truck." Something like that. No brackets =P May I reccomend rading some of the summer writing comps. stories to get ideas about details and battles. Looking forward to see your improvement!
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Last edited by The Elite Ygseto; 08-06-2006 at 02:34 AM.
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Old 08-09-2006, 04:32 AM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed

Woo, a Part Two! Who expected this, huh? Come on~ ^_~

About 14,500 characters in this one, give or take. The battle is longer than my very first, and a hell of alot more confusing, but I think I improved some.

Please enjoy. ^^;;

-----------------------------
The Tale of the Tailed
Part Two!!
Written by ROD.

"We'll be in Lavaridge Town in another, oh..." The driver paused to pull his right wrist into view to look at his watch. "Twenty minutes. Alright?" he announced. I nodded in acknowledgement and started to finger the leather cushion beside me. Funny... It wasn't until now that I remember being a safari-like jeep. Must've been dozing off again. I'm surprised I managed to, though. These seats aren't the least bit comfortable.

I lazily glanced towards my Slowking, who sat on the right of me. Pink, his attire included a muffler royally striped like a candycane and a huge grey shell-like crown that was embedded with a red gem and had two spikes coming out from the side. This crown amounted to be a good bit of his height. Slowking was entertaining himself with watching the repetitive clumps of soot covered grass zoom by. Or he was just really bored. Or deep in thought. Either would probably work.

Well... This is the farthest the two of us have ever been from home. Deciding to start farther from home was really a nice idea. Being farther could make me less dependent and even toughen me up a bit. I figured that being close to home like that again would make me want to return. Like last time...

The ball went still on in the slippery mud. I eyed it and finally realized... "I caught a Pokemon! My first ever Pokemon I caught with help from no one but my own Pokemon! Wait till the others at home hear about this!" I cheered.

However, I was greatly ridiculed...

"You tried to capture it when it wasn't even hurt? What are you, stupid?"

"It was helpless and I think that still counts... Does it, Mama?"

"I guess, sweety."

"A real trainer isn't afraid to injure a Pokemon. Maybe this just isn't cut out for you..."


I tugged the collar on my button-up top in an attempt to cool down. My shirt was buttoned the lowest it could be without being too revealing and I was still burning up. Maybe olive green just wasn't a nice color to be in around a volcano. My tan cargo pants were also much too baggy and heavy for this climate, too. My brown curls stuck to my face like a fly would to sticky paper and my red sneakers stuck to the floor.

Okay, let's just cut to the chase. It's been a week since I've really let my Slowpoke out, except for eating. I'm just that ashamed. Not of him, but of my childish act.

"Dentelle, don't worry about it!" Mom chirped, a smile on her face. She pulled a pumpkin pie from inside the oven into her pink oven mitted hands. I sat on a cushioned stool at the island, watching her cook. She was wearing a frilly pink apron over a marigold dress and her golden hair in a neat bun. "You know, being a Poke Center Referee for those trainer's battles showed me that they're willing to--" My mother paused in mid conversation and looked to the doorway."You're back!" she exclaimed, sitting the orange pie in front of me. She's doing this on purpose! She knows I love pumpkin pie!

But standing in the doorway was her Pokemon, groceries in hand. Geez, she had it doing her grocery shopping, too? What didn't it do..?

Now then, you'd think that since my mother worked at a Poke Center she'd own a Chansey.

Nope, not my mom.

She owned an Ursaring--A bulky brown bear with a cream-colored ring on his stomach. And my mom had him doing house chores while she was away. Ironing clothes, vacuuming, and even cooking sometimes. I'd call it cruel, but I can't say I never recalled having Slowking help me with my homework...

"Ooh, you're such a sweetie!" my mom sing-songed as she sat the pie down on the counter. "Thank you," she took the bags of food from the Pocket Monster's arms and began to sit them on the oak table.

"But Mom," My best defense was to whine. And my mom countered it swiftly.

"Look, just forget about it. It's not even that big of a deal, Den. You were scared to hurt the Pokemon and threw the Pokeball while it had more than half it's health." she lectured. "Some people call it daring to do that. You're daring, Dentelle!"

Daring. Being able to undertake risk or danger. How did that define me? It didn't sound right.

But as a goodbye gift, Mom had given me a Hoppip. Dear as she was, I hadn't used her much either...

I tried to relax a little bit more by leaning into the cushioned leather on the door of the jeep that was to the left of me. I began to lift my hand that was wedged between the door and I and my hand caught the handle. The door flew open and I was thrown face first into the ground, the thick tan ash flying up and clinging to me.

Oops... I forgot to lock it, didn't I? And I wasn't wearing my seat belt, either...

I stood up and gingerly touched my chin with caution. It was bleeding, but not all that badly. My chin tickled with a numb feeling that felt similar to carpet burn.

"Spinda spin!" cried a voice from straight ahead. A rabbit-like thing looked to be examining me, trying to keep it's balance. It's thin coat was a soft cream color and was spotted with random spots of maroon. It's expression was what really caught me off guard. It looked confused and worried all at once. It's eyes were all swirly--literally. But it's mouth was a distorted frown. This didn't fail to baffle me at all.

"Hey, are you alright!?" called a voice from behind me. I turned to see the driver sprinting towards me, first aid kit in hand, with a worried Slowking trying his best to keep up. "Look at you, you're..." the man paused to stare at the thing before me. "It's a Spinda!" he exclaimed. The poor thing's complexion paled and it started to teeter off rapidly. By the time Slowking had caught up it was out of my sight. "Aww, blast it..." the man uttered. If he hadn't startled the thing like that in the first place it wouldn't have run off!

"Do you have anything for my chin, sir?" I asked, trying to sway from the idea that I lost a chance to catch a Pokemon because of this guy. He regained his senses and kneeled on the ground, placing the First Aid kit in before him, pulling out a roll of bandage, First Aid tape, and medicine.

After dressing the wound was over and done with the guy started back up again. "Let's get back on the road, okay? We'll be there in five more minutes" the guy said. Slowking nodded while I gave him a thumbs up. Ever since I evolved my Slowpoke I had since I was ten he never talked much. Only for words of wisdom, advice, or personal conversation. Yes, we talk to each other!

We've been following a road of sorts? I looked beyond us to see nothing but flat plains, coated in soot and dead grass. The field all together was an auburn color and the sky contrasted completely against the stagnant landscape. I saw not even a dirt road. It must've been an expression.

The three of us started back towards the jeep, keeping in mind to lock all the doors and buckle up. ~

------------

TBC...

Last edited by Reign-of-Dreams; 08-09-2006 at 05:21 AM.
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Old 08-09-2006, 04:37 AM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed

When we reached Lavaridge Town we had already paid the driver and bidded him fairwell. Slowking and I then began to look for a place to stay at, being as we were gonna be here for ore than just a few days. I managed to find a quaint little inn at the edge of town. It looked old, but that gave it the country charm I loved. It was actually made of logs, which looked weird in a volcano town. It's door and roof was a barnyard red, and the picket fence made it feelier homier.

Our room was just as cozy as the outside was. Designed very much like a log cabin you'd rent in the mountains, it's walls were logs and a deep red carpet rug was layed over an oak floor. The bed had a marron comforter and sat on the left side of the room where a nightstand accompanied it. Not too far from the bed was a large window with a nice view of the fields, and a window seat to enjoy it from. In the middle of the room was a chocolate colored rocking chair. I really liked it!

"I don't feel like retiring yet," I sighed, falling back onto my bed. Slowking was sitting still in the rocking chair. "A Spinda..." I mumbled, turning to look out the window. "That little guy was interesting..."

"I want a Spinda." I paused. "No, I need one. Let's go, Slowking!" I urged him and jumped into my feet. But Slowking shook his head "Why, King?" This was weird...

"Slowking." He uttered.

"What?" I questioned. He just didn't want to? Slowking sighed, hopped off the rocking chair and walked toward the bed where I layed my backpack. He picked it up and handed it to me. I hesitantly accepted it. Then it hit me.

"You want me to use the others, don't you?" He nodded in response. Well... I guess I should try... "Fine. But be ready to unlock the door when I come home!" I added eagerly and dashed out the door.

It's not that hot around five o'clock. The sky had a darker hue than before and made the place look almost serene and calm. However, I knew there were Spinda out there to be caught.

"Okay, come on out, Slowpoke," I chimed, pulling a pokeball from my backpack and throwing it. Out came a pink pokemon that was much similar to Slowking. Subtract the muffler and crown, then make him walk on all four. You have a Slowpoke!

"Slow..." yawned the cute pink thing. I sighed.

"Slowking, come back..." I sobbed. Ah well. Let's just try and make the best of this. We both started to scan the ashy field together. I was in the lead, of course.

A half an hour passed and not one Spinda was found. "No fair," I sobbed again. I was suprised to see walking off in another direction. "Hey you!" I yelled, pacing after it. "Where do you--" All time stood still. Some yards in front of us was a Spinda, wiping the soot of the grass and trying to eat it. When time began to animate once more the Spinda's ears perked and he found us. I was going to waste no time!

"Slowpoke, headbutt!!" I yelled, pointing to the exposed panda Pokemon.

The pink Pokemon complied and began to charge towards the Spinda at a painstakingly slow pace. Spinda took note of this and started to gyrate it's arm. Before I knew it, it's fist had slammed with Slowpoke's dome, forcefully slamming it onto it's back. The poor thing was attempting to get back up when he was punched yet again. The Spinda stood victorious and wobbled back some when he saw me approach my fallen Pokemon.

"Slowpoke!" I cried, trying the poor guy up. He manged to wobble about before getting his land legs back. This wasn't over yet! That must've been Dizzy Punch... Thank gods it didn't confuse the poor guy... Sadly, it'd work on him. I glared at the Spinda. His expression was confused still. I doubt this is the same one from earlier...

"Ok, use Water Gun!" I urged the Slowpoke, jumping back to give them room.

A stream of water was weakly shot at the Spinda, just barely pushing it back two inches...

"O-Okay..." I mumbled. Damn it, what could do something to it? I gasped in realization.

"Psychic!" I ordered.

...Huh?

"Slowpoke..?" I questioned. He flopped onto his stomach. He was asleep!! That Spinda must've pulled a Hypnosis on him while I wasn't paying attention. "Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?" I stated, trying to sound smug. "Try and handle this!" Pulling a pokeball from my backpack, I threw it and it released a Hoppip. She had a hotpink body that doubled as her head, her arms and legs stubby. Two thin vines grew from the top of it's head.

"Nice to have you, Hoppip--" the welcome was cut short when Spinda swiftly grabbed Hoppip by it's vines and swung it into me, pushing me onto my rear.

"Ugh, Hoppip, you okay?" I asked, trying to get up. That move surprised me by a long shot. He was proving to more than just annoying... Hoppip hopped off of me and began to charge towards the panda. I tried my best to stand up. "Now then, Posion Powder!"

Hoppip began to shake purple powder off her vines onto... Slowpoke!? Whoa, something wasn't right here!

"Stop it!!" I watched my Hoppip walk around in a drunken manner. What the heck? I looked over to see the Spinda.. dancing... Teeter Dance! He confused her, that... that... Ugh..

I felt myself go lightheaded in a blink of an eye. My head was swirling and my ears were ringing. I kneeled down, trying to get ahold of myself. Did it confuse me, too...!? I can't give up!

I tried to stand up, but toppled over like play dough. This Pokemon was not gonna have the last laugh...!

To my liking, Spinda was suddenly thrown back into a pile of soot. Whoa, that came from nowhere! I nervously turned around to see Slowking, his eyes a bright blue.

"Slowking!" I slurred, dragging myself over to meet him and wrapping my noodly arms around him. "You saved us~" I sang dizzily. I swear, you're probably thinking I'm drunk right now...

"Slow slowking slowking." He explained. "I couldn't trust you alone," or something. Hmm. What do you mean you can't trust me? I decided I'd just discuss it with him later. He then handed me a burnt biscuit thing. A lava cookie..? "King." he said abruptly. It must be for me. Shouldn't I let Slowpoke and Hoppip have it instead? Wasting no time and effort I swallowed the cookie whole. It wasn't that big, really.

I tried to gain control again and proved to do so nicely this time. I pulled out two Pokeballs and called back my two Pokemon.

"Sorry guys..." I said. I'll have them at a Poke center in a jiffy. "Okay, let's show this thing what a real battle is, Slowking!" With my posture regained, I felt more confident this time. I'm sure Slowking was more confident in me, too. "Calm Mind!" I called.

Slowking managed to clear his mind and focused entirely on the battle. Okay, let's get this ball rolling and have some real fun!

However, Spinda decided to pull a little trick. A colorful beam shot from it's forehead and hit Slowking on his stomach, which did almost nothing to hurt him.

"Look, if you're trying to confuse him it won't work!" I laughed, remembering that Psybeam can confuse. "Slowking can't be confused! Proceed with Psychic!"

Slowking's eyes flashed a bright blue like last time. I found myself pleased to see the Spinda floating up a few feet then slammed down into solid, ashy Earth. He started to get up again. He's pretty cocky, I'll give him that.

"Rinse and repeat, Slowking!" I chuckled. A stream of water, stronger than Slowpoke's, was shot at the Spinda who was still trying to get up. He managed slip onto his back. Then he was lifted several feet and thrown back down forcefully and remained still for seconds. The thing was officially knocked unconscious.

Finally! Wait... We actually knocked a Pokemon out sucessfully! I didn't even hesitate, either!

I grabbed an empty Pokeball and tossed it towards the unconcious Pokemon before me. The Pokemon was encased in an instant. The ball began to wobble once. Then twice...

-----------

It's not as long as I thought it'd be... D:

Ugh, for some reason I was always baffled by describing the battle scenes... And they happen too fast... *Watches Pokemon. >_>*
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Last edited by Reign-of-Dreams; 08-09-2006 at 08:34 PM.
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  #6  
Old 08-09-2006, 04:58 AM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed [Part 2 Up]

Story: A bit improved from your first. It flowed well, and it was humorous at parts. Your writing looks promising.

Spelling/Grammar: Not many errors, but I only saw one thing that bugged me ...

Quote:
Pink, his attire included a muffler royally striped like a candycane and a huge grey shell-like crown that was embedded with a red gem and had two spikes coming out from the side.
The beginning doesn't make much sense. It would've been better for you to say something like "he was bright pink". Also, "sweety" is spelled "sweetie".

Description: There's something about your descriptions I can't put my finger on, other than that they are "cute". Your stories just sound so cheerful and bright. The battle was especially nice. I love how dopey you make Slowking sound, which he is.

Length: Great for a little Spinda.

Battle: You said that you don't think you're good at this part ... you're a liar. :D It was very vivid, which is great.

Outcome: Spinda captured! Have fun with the little panda.
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Last edited by Seawolf; 08-09-2006 at 05:18 PM.
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Old 08-09-2006, 08:47 PM
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Default Re: The Tale of the Tailed [Part 2 Up]

I made Slowking look dopey? He was supposed to look smarter than Dentelle. XD

Or do you mean Slowpoke? <3
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Last edited by Reign-of-Dreams; 08-09-2006 at 09:22 PM.
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