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Old 08-14-2006, 10:53 PM
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Default Left To One's Own

Learning to Swim

Okay, this is a story done for PlayerSlayer, since he asked me to do it for him ^^. Hopefully this is good enough for him to get his Horsea.


It was a cold, stormy Friday afternoon near the Lake of Rage. The sea-serpent-esque Gyarados and orange, weak Magikarp had submerged themselves so deeply that any efforts to run into them were in vain. A few Trainers were surfing around though, hoping to catch a glimpse of the legendary red Gyarados, and maybe even battle and catch it.

But one particular Trainer was here for a much different reason. She wore simple white clothes, and had no shoes on. She carried no pack, and had nothing on her other than her clothes. In one hand was clasped a Net Ball. Her light brown hair was sticking to her face and neck, and her violet eyes were filled with bottomless regret and sadness.

“Little Horse, I’m sorry, but I just can’t care for you anymore,” she said, her voice filled with sorrow as she released the Pokemon contained inside into the water. There was a bright white flash, and a moment later a small Pokemon formed as the glare faded.

It was a small seahorse looking Pokemon, with a blue body and cream stomach. Its tail was curled tightly against its body, and a small fin on its back waved slowly through the water. On either side of its head were three-pointed fins. Its red eyes looked at the girl, and the Pokemon cocked its head to the side, confused.

“Hooor?” it asked, swimming forward towards the girl a bit. Giving a cry, she jumped up and backed away, as if afraid of the small Pokemon.

“Oh, Little Horse! I’m so sorry! Please understand, I can’t care for you anymore, I just can’t! You’ll be happy here, free, and a good Trainer will come along and take you in!” she sobbed, then turned and fled the lake as Little Horse watched her go.

For a moment it stared after her, then gave a tiny call, trying to get her to come back. But she didn’t hear, and didn’t come back. Again, Little Horse called again, becoming more and more distressed. But the girl never came back, and soon the cries of the abandoned Pokemon were ringing all around the lake.


And so it went on like this for a month. Every day Little Horse would swim to the edge of the lake and cry for the young girl to return. And every day was the same. She never came, not even to visit it, and after a time Little Horse’s sadness and confusion turned to bitterness and anger. It just wasn’t fair! The Magikarp were okay, though they were stupid and weak, and the Gyarados didn’t bother it because they were always busy fighting among themselves. The red Gyarados seemed to rule them all though, and none of them ever challenged it.

So after its feelings of hurt and abandonment faded, Little Horse began acting strange. It would attack the stupid, weak Magikarp viciously, chasing them around the lake as they tried to get away. The Gyarados would watch, but never interfere. Something about that Horsea made them none too keen to get between it and its chosen victims. Which was funny really: it seemed they should have nothing to fear from such a small thing. But they stayed clear of it nonetheless, and Little Horse never bothered them.

One bright and cheery Monday morning, Little Horse was doing laps around the lake to increase its speed when he spotted a Trainer standing near the area the girl had been, when she left it. For the past month, every Trainer that had come to that spot had been attacked just as viciously as the poor Magikarp. It couldn’t stand being reminded of that, and anytime it saw a Trainer standing there, it was reminded strongly of that day.

“Hooor!” Little Horse cried, swimming to the Trainer with a furious glare. This human was about to learn the depth of his mistake.


“Whoa!” Jac cried out, having just caught a glimpse of the red Gyarados as it poked its head from the lake to have a look around. As soon as it saw Jac (which was about the same time it lifted its head from the water, since it was looking in his direction when it surfaced) it sunk back down into the depths of the lake, and Jac groaned. “Awwww, darn, not it’s gone! But at least I saw it! That was great! Now I just wish I could catch it…”

Jac was about sixteen years old, and had spiky blonde hair. His steel-gray eyes were filled with excitement as he walked a bit closer to the shore, hoping the Gyarados would show itself again. His T-shirt was black and plain, and his khaki shorts were a slate brown, ending an inch or so above his knees. His white-and-blue trimmed black sneakers were lying on the ground beside his small green pack, in which were his extra Balls, Potions, a Rare Candy or two, and a few other things. In his shorts pocket were two PokeBalls.

Jac had come here for the same reason many other Trainers did: to see the red Gyarados, and try to fight and catch it. However, he was the only one here this morning, which was quite odd. The Lake of Rage was usually bustling with people all times of the day, from early morning to late night. Still, Jac wasn’t sorry that there weren’t more people around. He was kind of glad, actually.

So engrossed in his personal mission of seeing the red Gyarados again that he didn’t see a little Horse swimming up to where he was now standing, looking extremely angry. He heard it though, as it let out an enraged-sounding, “Hoooor!”

Jac didn’t have time to react as he was suddenly hit with a powerful Water Gun shot from the Horsea’s mouth. It hit him in the stomach and sent him flying back about two feet, before he slammed into the ground on his butt.

“Owowow!” Jac exclaimed as he stood awkwardly, his rear end smarting from the landing. He then glared at the Horsea, who was looking ready to attack again. “What’s your problem?! I didn’t do anything to you!” he cried indignantly. The Horsea didn’t seem to listen and instead fired another Water Gun at him. Yelping, Jac jumped to the side and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a PokeBall. “Okay then, I don’t know what’s up with you, but if you want a battle you got one!” He then held the Ball out after expanding it and released the Pokemon inside.

There was a flash of light, and when it faded Jac’s Pokemon stood. It looked like a little sheep with yellow wool and blue hooves. Its head and tail were blue as well, and its ears as well as its tail had yellow bands around them. On the tip of its tail was a small pink orb. The small Pokemon let out a bleat as it gave itself a shake.

“Hoor!” the Horsea cried, now even more enraged. Apparently, it liked other Pokemon as much as it did random strangers.

“Mareep, go! Use a Thundershock attack!” Jac ordered. Mareep bleated again as the orb on its tail flared bright yellow and its wool began to crackle with static electricity. Suddenly, a bolt of lightening shot from the Pokemon’s body and arched in the air, aiming at Horsea. The little Pokemon snorted and quickly swam out of the way. The Thundershock hit the water, but since the attack was weak the electricity didn’t carry far enough to affect Horsea.

“Sea!” it cried out as it emitted a thick cloud of ink from its mouth. Mareep danced out of the way of the Smokescreen, which wasn’t as effective on land as it was in water. Horsea narrowed its eyes and used a Bubble attack, firing a small cluster of bubbles at Mareep. Jac narrowed his eyes.

“Mareep, use Cotton Spore on those bubbles, then spread them over the water!” he said, and Mareep began to shake itself again. Bits of loose wool started to dislodge from the Pokemon’s coat and floated forward, landing on the light bubbles and weighing them down. The bubbles slowed down, and Mareep easily moved around them. It then shook once again, sending more small clumps of wool into the water, were they floated around and quickly spread outwards. Jac watched as Horsea tried to evade them, but it eventually same into one as it was dodging another. The wool stuck to Horsea’s back, and as it tried to shake it off, more and more clumps got stuck to it. The added weight of the wool, which had now absorbed quite a bit of water, had caused Horsea to lose much of its speed.

“Hooor!” it shrieked angrily, diving again and again as it tried to get free of the wool. But every dive just re-soaked the clumps, making it harder to get them off. Finally it surfaced again, and the moment it saw Mareep it shot out an Ice Beam attack.

“Gah!” Jac cried, shocked as the jagged, chill beam hit Mareep in the chest and threw it back. The Electric Sheep bleated plaintively as it fell to the ground, and a moment later got to its hooves, looking shaken. Jac could understand why. How was it this Horsea knew Ice Beam? The only way was if it had belonged to someone who had taught it the attack…

“Reeee,” Mareep bleated as it prepared to continue fighting, and Horsea readied to let loose another Ice Beam. But Jac quickly jumped between the two, knowing now why this little Pokemon was so upset.

“It’s okay!” he said in what he hoped was a soothing, gentle voice. The Horsea, surprised by this, held its attack and instead glared at him. “I get it now, why you’re so upset. You were left by your Trainer, weren’t you?” Here Horsea let out an enraged squeal-type noise, and Jac knew he’d gotten it right. “But you shouldn’t attack other people because of it. I can’t say why your Trainer left you, but I’m sure they had a good reason. You’re a real good, strong Pokemon, and I’ll bet whoever left you is really upset about having done it.”

“Hooooor!” Horsea replied, shaking its head. If the girl was so upset, why didn’t she come back? Why did she leave him in the first place? It didn’t make sense! Jac smiled softly and stepped towards the shore as Mareep stood stiffly behind him, ready to attack once again if the Horsea should step out of line.

“It’s okay, really. I’ll bet they even told you a nice Trainer would come and catch you one day, and you’d be good friends with them, right?”

Horsea had been preparing to attack again, but here it stopped cold. Those words sparked a memory inside it. Indeed, the girl had told him a Trainer would one day come and take him in. She had looked so sad when she said she couldn’t care for him anymore. Then, with a little noise, Horsea realized something.

He hadn’t been abandoned. The girl had said she couldn’t care for him anymore. She had done what she thought was right, and that was release him for a Trainer to find and catch and take care of it. She had done what was best for it, and in its own sadness Horsea hadn’t noticed that before. But now it did, and it looked at Jac with a mixture of emotions. Jac smiled.

“Do you want to continue the battle? I’ll take good care of you, if I catch you,” he said, and for a long while Horsea didn’t respond. But then it nodded, coming to a decision, and Jac clapped his hands. “Great!” He then moved back and waved to Mareep. “Now Mareep, let’s finish this! Use a Thunderbolt attack!”

“Reeeee!” Mareep answered. Once again it shook its body, and the orb on its tail glowed brightly. There came another blast of electricity from its body, only this one was bigger and more powerful than the last Thundershock. The attack zoomed at Horsea, who quickly dived under the water to avoid it. This time, though, the water conducted the electricity down deep enough to hit it. Shocked, Horsea floated back up to the surface, but recovered quick enough to fire a hasty Water Gun. Mareep dodged around it, but was clipped on the right front hoof. Still, it wasn’t a powerful blow, and Mareep quickly regained its balance.
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Old 08-14-2006, 10:54 PM
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Default Re: Left To One's Own

“One more time!” Jac called, and Mareep responded by releasing another attack. This one hit head-on, and also managed to paralyze the Horsea, who was now floating on top of the water, stunned. Jac quickly ran to his pack and pulled out a spare PokeBall, then made his way back to the shore and threw it at the Horsea. It landed on its stomach and popped open with a sort of snapping noise, and emitted a red light which engulfed Horsea and turned it into its energy form. Within another moment, the red light retreated into Ball, taking Horsea with it. The Ball then shut and fell into the water, and instantly began to sink. Jac rushed into the water and dove after it, catching it before it sunk too deeply. He then surfaced and held the wiggling Ball in his hand, staring tensely at the red light glowing from the lock…

But right at that moment, a Gyarados exploded from the water a few feet away and let out a tremendous roar, scaring Jac senseless and causing him to drop the PokeBall. It fell into the water with a splash, and as Jac gave a cry as he waded out after it. He didn’t get far, though, because the Gyarados dove under the water after the PokeBall, and a moment later re-surfaced. The Ball was in its massive jaws, and Jac watched in horror as the Pokemon chewed on it. A second later the Ball broke, and there was a bright red flash as the Horsea was released. It took form in mid air and landed in the water, looking extremely disconcerted, and Jac waded out a bit further to make sure it was okay.

“Hooor!” it exclaimed when it saw the Gyarados about a yard in front of it. Jac stopped by its side and looked at the gargantuan Pokemon, feeling very unnerved.

It towered above them at least ten feet, and the rest of its giant body was concealed beneath the water. Its scales were the same crystal-blue color the Horsea’s were, though its belly scales were a cream color. It had several fins running along its body, and two thin mustachios hung down from either side of its gaping jaws. Deadly-looking fangs filled the huge maw, which looked like it could easily engulf Jac at full standing height. Its blue eyes were filled with anger and hate, and growing from between them was a three-pointed frill.

“What’s that thing’s problem?” Jac cried out as the Gyarados bellowed down at them, seemingly quite enraged. The Horsea gave a little grunt as it swam out to meet the Gyarados, a determined _expression in its eyes. Jac started to follow, but the little Pokemon turned to face him and shook its head firmly. Then it turned and swam out to meet the larger Pokemon, and Jac could only watch anxiously.


Little Horse was scared silly, though it didn’t want to show it. Of course the human wouldn’t know why this Gyarados had attacked like it had, but Little Horse did. The Gyarados was the evolved form of a Magikarp it used to attack all the time, because it had been particularly slow and weak. Little Horse could tell because it had a scar under its right eye. It didn’t know how a Magikarp, with it rock-like scales, had gotten a scar, but somehow it had. Now, in the face of this titan, Little Horse deeply regretted having done what it had to the Magikarp. It hadn’t been thinking of the consequences such actions would lead to.

/You always picked on me when I was a weak little Magikarp,/ it growled, /but now I’ll pick on you!/

/Wait!/ Little Horse cried out, not wanting to fight. /I know what I did to you and the other Magikarp was wrong, but I did it because I was hurting. I had been abandoned and didn’t know what to do, so I took my feelings out on you and the others. I know I shouldn’t have, and I really am sorry. But I’m going to be leaving, because this human boy wants to catch me, and you and the others won’t have to deal with me anymore!/

/Didn’t you ever wonder why the older Gyarados never stopped you from attacking the Magikarp?/ the Gyarados asked, its voice snide. /They always said it was because you weren’t worth the effort, and that there was something about you they didn’t want to mess with. But I think the real reason was so we could all have our revenge on you once we’d evolved!/ Now it let loose an ear-splitting roar and thrashed the water behind it with its tail. /And now you want me to let that revenge go!? You can leave after I’ve finished with you!/

The Atrocious Pokemon suddenly threw itself forward, using a vicious Tackle attack. Yelping, Little Horse swam out of the way and then turned back. The human was quickly backing up out of the range of the attack, and just barely made it to the shore in time. The Gyarados slammed its head into the water, causing a huge wave to form and crash forward. As it came down and joined with the lake once more, the resulting splash thoroughly soaked the young man. He didn’t seem to notice though, because he was too busy shouting.

“C’mon Horsea! You can do it! Just keep avoiding him!” he hollered. Little Horse snorted a bit, wanting to tell the boy that was easier said than done. Still, it was heartened that the boy was staying, despite his obvious fear, to give it some moral support.

/You know, you won’t be any better than I was if you keep doing this,/ it said as the Gyarados’s head pulled back from the water and turned to face it. /I was attacking you and the others because I was hurt, and now if you keep attacking me for revenge, you’ll be doing the same thing./

/Perhaps. But where I had never done anything mean or bad to you to warrant your cruelness, you have warranted mine!/ the Gyarados shrilled, and Little Horse knew he couldn’t argue with that, since it was disturbingly true. It backed up a bit as the Gyarados suddenly shot out a stream of blue fire. Dragon Rage! Little Horse had seen this attack before, when humans had fought with other Gyarados and tried to catch them. It knew this attack could be vicious if the Gyarados was angry enough, though generally it didn’t seem to do very much damage.

“Move!” the human cried from the shore, and Little Horse found itself following his command. It wasn’t because he was obeying the human, though. It was instinct. Moving quickly, Little Horse dove under the lake and then swam down deep. Then it turned to face the surface, waiting for the Gyarados to follow. In a moment it did, and as it drew close enough Little Horse let loose with the thickest, most vision-obscuring Smokescreen it could. Unlike last time, when it was used above water, the ink quickly spread through-out the water and turned it black.

The Gyarados let out a muffled bellow as it swam right into the ink cloud, and Little Horse took the chance to swim back to the surface. When it did, it looked around and saw it was closer to the shore than when it had gone underwater. Standing there was the human boy, but then there was a light thunk on its head and a funny popping noise. Then, there was a bright red flash, and then there was darkness…


Jac watched, his gut twisting in worry, as the Horsea dodged the Gyarados’s initial Tackle attack, and then had to avoid a Dragon Rage. Then, it went underwater, and within seconds the Gyarados had followed. As he thought about how to help the little Pokemon, he got an idea that he thought was good, but wasn’t sure if the Horsea would agree. He went to where his now-soggy pack was lying and pulled out a spare PokeBall. Mareep watched this as it chewed a piece of grass, not too nervous or worried. After all, Jac was safe for now, and that was all that mattered. As soon as he had the Ball, Jac returned to the shore and waited for the Horsea, thinking.

He was confused about this confrontation, but as he waited tensely for the Horsea to come back to the surface, he worked out a conclusion. Apparently these two knew each other, and not in a friendly manner. Jac wondered what a Horsea could possible do to make a Gyarados so angry, though there was no telling. After all, Gyarados had terrible tempers, and could go into a rage for little, unfathomable reasons. Jac had the notion that they could get mad just by thinking about being so.

However, he soon had no more time to waste thinking about this, because a few moments later Horsea had broken the surface and was glancing around. Not hesitating for one second, Jac threw the PokeBall at the little Pokemon just as it looked at him. Then, the Ball lightly hit it on the head, popped open, and engulfed it in the red light. When it had drawn the Pokemon inside and closed itself, Jac hurried into the water and grabbed for it before it sunk too deeply. As soon as his hand closed around it, he pulled it free from the lake and quickly made his way back to the shore. He snatched up his pack, recalled Mareep, and then scooted about two yards away from the water. He glanced down at the PokeBall shaking in his hand and prayed that the Horsea would let itself be caught before the Gyarados resurfaced and attacked once again…
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Old 08-15-2006, 11:53 AM
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Default Re: Left To One's Own

Content: The story part of the text, excluding the battle, was a bit short to be honest. Maybe you could've added something about how Jac had arrived at the Lake of the Rage.

Grammar: A clean story with only minor errors.

-As soon as it saw Jac, which was about the same time it lifted its head from the water, since it was looking in his direction when it surfaced, it sunk

There, you could've replaced the parentheses with a comma in the indicated places.

-His white-and-blue trimmed black sneakers

It's a little weird to say that someone has black sneakers that are white and blue, no?

-determined _expression in its eyes.

Well, I'm pretty sure you know what's wrong here ( _ ).

-The Atrocious Pokemon

Yes, even though in the Pokedex, it is said that its species are Atrocious, it would be preferable if you wouldn't capitalize the word 'atrorocious'. I mean, Pidgeot is of the bird species, so would you capitalize the word 'bird' in that case?

Word Choice: You describe things well, giving them a good picture in one's imagination. Though, I was a little troubled about the sounds the Pokemon made. In my opinion, it's a waste of space to say: "hoooooooor", when you could just describe how the Pokemon let out the cry, etc. Nothing major though, just my opinion about that.

Reality: Well, the Horsea was undoubtedly too strong. Being able to avoid Electric attacks with relative ease and standing up to a Gyarados.

Battle: I liked how the battle was not the last thing in the story, but was in the middle. As mentioned in the reality, Horsea withstood a tad too much. Recovering easily from a Thunderbolt, and so on.

Outcome: Horsea captured!

You had no major problems, and since the length isn't taken into consideration too much now, I left it out of the grading.
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