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Old 08-19-2006, 07:09 PM
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Default The Uber-ific Tale of the Gastly Thingy

Wheeee, this story is not recommended by the FDA, the FBI, the FCC, or the HBO. Don’t say you weren’t warned!


The Uber-ific Tale of the Gastly Thingy

This story is about a floating purple blob of gassy stuff called a Gastly. This Gastly lived in the Pokemon Tower located in Lavender Town which was situated in the Kanto region. The tower itself would be destined to get turned into a radio tower one day, but until then, the Ghosts that lived there (and their happy, rotting bodies buried within) were safe.

ANYWAYS…this Gastly this story is about was a Gastly with a problem. What was it? It wasn’t scary, that’s what! I mean, come on, how can a Ghost live with itself if it isn’t scary!? How can a Ghost live at all?! These questions, as well as others (such as why coffee starts with a ‘c’ instead of a ‘k’) plagued the poor Pokemon every day and night. While the other Ghosts would have fun terrifying the word I’m not allowed to say out of visitors and those paying their respects, the un-scary Gastly would watch and wish it could do the same.

One evening, the Gastly was approached by an old Gengar, which was a purple, humanoid-shaped Pokemon with spikes running down its back and two horns on its head. It was the final evolved form of Gastly, and it was still a floating purple blob of gassy stuff, though most of the time it walked and looked quite solid.

“Gastly!” the Gengar cried, because Ghosts can’t really talk in normal tones, only scary, freaky ones. It was another reason the Gastly wasn’t scary: he talked in normal tones. “You aren’t scary! So you need to leave, and find a way to be scary, because if you don’t you’ll ruin the reputation of the Pokemon Tower being the most haunted place in the world, because all Mt. Pyre’s Ghosts are scary and you know we’ve been competeing with them for years, so leave and get scary or else you’ll wish you were alive!!!”

Gastly, who was too stupefied by the endless run-on sentence to respond, simply floated there with little spiral circle eyes (like this: @__@). The Gengar took that as a, “Yes sir, I will leave get scary right away and make you proud!” for some odd reason, and then vanished, leaving Gastly to recover its scattered wits alone. Really it didn’t take too long, because Gastly didn’t have many wits to start with, and they didn’t get too far at any rate. After floating over to its last one, which was stuck in a wall behind a picture, Gastly left the Pokemon Tower on its journey to become scary.


Gastly had been on its journey for no more than a minute (like maybe forty seconds) when it came across a perfect opportunity to get scary-ific. There was a small group of young girls hanging around the tower’s door, each one squealing and pushing the others closer to the door. They were also laughing, which was confusing to Gastly. He didn’t understand the ways of scary, and that people found it highly entertaining to be frightened, even little grade-school girls.

“They look like they’d be easily scared,” Gastly thought to itself as it turned invisible, as all Ghosts were capable of doing. It then floated over to where the girls were and hovered in the middle of the group, then turned visible and let out as gastly…er, I mean, ghastly, a shriek as it could. Sadly, it turned out sounding like a squeak, which was very, not-scary, and caused the girls to all go, “AWWWWWWW IT’S SO CUTE!!!” and try to hug it. Giving another squeak-shriek of terror, Gastly turned incorporeal (something else all Ghosts could do, and useful for getting things out of the tub drain) and zoomed off.

“That was the most scary thing I’ve ever faced in my not-life!” it cried as it zoomed. Then it stopped zooming as it pondered this. “But it’s only scary to me, I have to find something that’s scary to others…” With this the Gastly then continued its zooming, trying to find a target that would prove easier than a bunch of little girls.

So Gastly flew on into the night, trying and failing many times to be scary. It tried to scare a Charizard, and an old lady, and several Butterfree, and a stray random dust bunny, five daffodils, three blades of grass, a cloud passing over the moon, a rock, a tree, two lakes, a sleeping Jigglypuff, an Oddish, and a pencil it found lying on the ground.

“I’ll never be scary!” Gastly said in despair after its most previous attempt at scaring a piece of clay, which, as I’m sure you should know by now, failed. It floated in a circle several times, getting more and more upset over the fact that it couldn’t scare anything, until it got uber-dizzy and floated to the ground. “This really sucks…”

“OHMIGODITSAGASTLYOHOHOHOHMYGOOOOOODGOTTACATCHIT!! !!!!” a voice suddenly screamed out, causing Gastly to give its little squeak-shriek as it flew back into the air, looking around for the owner of the voice and the car-wreck of words it had spewed. “GONNAGETITHAVEITWHOOOOGASTLYGASTLYMINE!!!!!”

“Who’s there?!” Gastly asked, feeling uberly terrified. It was then that it turned to face behind it and saw the most awful, horrid thing ever in its not-life.

It was a huge man, and I mean HUUUUUUUUUUGE. I mean, he was like…a mini version of a Wailord huge, like…beached Shamu huge…well you get the idea. He was wearing a black shirt and matching black shorts, and printed in yellow across the front of the shirt were the words, “OMGIFREAKINGLOVEPOKEMON!!!” It was scary, since they were written in the same way the man himself seemed to speak, and that was in a mass jumble of words. His shoes seemed two sizes too small, and Gastly was surprised that they weren’t popping off and flying half-way across the world to smack some random guy in the eye. In fact, his shirt and shorts seemed too small as well. It seemed his flab was like Velcro and was holding the clothes in place. He was wearing huge glasses that magnified his watery blue eyes to a disturbing size, and his unkempt brown hair was lanky and looked greasy enough for the dude to start his own fast-food joint. He had the smell to him like he hadn’t bathed in months, which was punctuated by the dark, disturbing stains covering his clothes. This was weird, since they were black, and thus why Gastly was disturbed by the fact that it could see them.

“I’MGONNACATCHYOUANDMAKEYOUMINEPRETTYLITTLEGHOSTY! !!!!” the man cried, and the awful sound of his squeaky voice and inability to separate his words made Gastly feel like exploding. Before he could do any such things, however, the man somehow managed to fit one of his giant Swalot-sized hands into a pocket and pull out a PokeBall. He heaved it and it popped open with a nice bright pretty flash, and a moment later a Dewgong appeared. It was a seal Pokemon, with white fur and two little fangs poking from under its lip. It also looked crazy as hell, because it had the little swirly things for eyes, you know, the @__@ things.

“Witiwitiwiti!” it cried, twitching. Gastly scowled.


“Ilikecheese!” it said now, and Gastly moaned. Apparently it had the same speech problem as its Trainer, though it wasn’t screaming like someone who’d just been sat on by a Snorlax. “GimmecheesecheesecheeseWHOOOOOOOO!!”

“GOUBERH4X0RDEWY!” the man cried out, causing Gastly to wonder how he managed to speak numbers as letters. Uber H4X0R Dewy let out a wordless Xena battlecry and suddenly flew into the air, then fired an Uberfied Ice Beam.

“SQUEEEEE!” Gastly squeed, quickly flying out of the way. It let loose a Hypnosis, which instantly knocked out the Dewgong of Infinite Powers and made it change a nice shade of lavender.

“NUUUUUUUUUU!!!” its Trainer cried before recalling it, and then sending out a Charizard, which was a big orange winged lizard with a fire burning on the tip of its tail. “GOPWNZORZZARDOFMASSDESTRUCTION!!!”

“Mew,” Pwnzorz Zard of Mass Destruction muttered, not seeming to be very happy at being made to fight. This was evident, since it mewed instead of roared. Then it spun in a circle three times and let out a Hyper Flamethrower of Doomy Death.

“EEEEEEEK!” Gastly eeked, and became incorporeal as the fire came at it and went through it. Then, it used a Mean Look, which caused Pwnzorz Zard of Mass Destruction to break down in pitiful sobs, making its Trainer recall it and release another Pokemon.

“GOMYLOVELYAGGRONOFMUCHOWNAGE!!!” he cried out, and out of this Ball came a large gray-and-silver dinosaur looking thing. It had horns on its head, and its body was covered in thick armor plates. It eyes were blue.

“I shall have to destroy you,” Aggron of Much Ownage said, sounding sad. “For that is my purpose in life, which is actually to have no purpose, but I am allowed to make things up since my life is void.”

“Er,” Gastly said, confused. Then, Aggron of Much Ownage charged forward and slashed at Gastly with a Metal Claw of Eternal Despair and Suffering. “AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!” Gastly aaagh’ed, floating under the attack and using a Night Shade attack. This was similar to a Lamp Shade attack, though instead of hitting Aggron of Much Ownage wth a lamp shade, Gastly quickly picked a night shade plant that was nearby and set to smacking poor Aggron of Much Ownage with it. This caused the large Pokemon to break out in painful hives that oozed an unpleasant purple and yellow polka-dotta fluid.

“NOWYOUSHALLFACEGODMODECATERPIEOFUTTERDEMISE!!!!!! ” the man cried out as he recalled Aggron of Much Ownage, before releasing a small Caterpie from the last Ball he had. It was a little green caterpillar with a horn on its head and big black eyes, and if it weren’t for the fact that it was PURE EVIL it would have been very cute. Godmode Caterpie of Utter Demise let out a fierce bellow and fired an uberly powered Hyper Beam of Total and Complete Blowing Up of Things, which hit Gastly dead on and made it explode like it wanted to earlier. However, it didn’t want to be exploded now, and managed to pull itself back together. However, Gastly soon found it was missing an eye, and found a moment later that Godmode Caterpie of Utter Demise was chewing on it with a passion.

“Hey! My eye isn’t a piece of chewing gum!” Gastly cried, and the giant Trainer guy looked around eagerly.

“GUMWHERE’SGUMIWANYTSOMEGUM!!!” Then he saw what GMCoUD was chewing on and took it from the little bug, earning a roar for his efforts. He popped the eye in his mouth and chewed it, oblivious to the fact that it was, indeed, not gum. Gastly winced.

“On second thought, I can get by on one eye,” it said, before GMCoUD suddenly roared and lunged at him, going into some random frenzy. “SQUEEEEAAAAAK!!!!” Gastly squeaked as it floated up to avoid the weird attack, only to find GDCoUD was following it. “Whaddawigglyboo?” Gastly cried, then winced again as he realized he was now speaking like the giant man and his funny Pokemon. What he had meant to say was, “What the heck is going on here?!” Sadly, before he could correct himself, GMCoUD caught up with him, and used a Hacked Nameless Move of Untold Powers That None Can Survive Because It’s That Powerful and Stuff, causing Gastly to fall to the ground. He was still not-alive though, because even though none could survive the attack, Gastly hadn’t been alive really to begin with.

GMCoUD gave a triumphant roar as it flew around in crazy circles above Gastly, who tried to leave this insane group behind but found its HP were down to zero! Which technically meant it couldn’t be caught, but since this isn’t the game, who cares?! Certainly not the flabby man o’ chunk!

“WHOOOOOTIMETACATCHA!!!!” he cried as he pulled out a PokeBall and heaved it at the Gastly. It smacked it on the head and popped open, sucking Gastly inside as its favorite song, The Hamster Dance, played over and over from within.


Heh, if it needs ta be longer, just let me know, and I'll continue it ^^.
Paired with Shen, the most epic Bleach fan around :3
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Last edited by Dog of Hellsing; 08-20-2006 at 07:13 PM.
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Old 08-26-2006, 12:07 PM
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Default Re: The Uber-ific Tale of the Gastly Thingy

Content: Another 'funny story', eh? I have to admit, I'm not a fan of these funny stories, but this one was cutely written. Mainly because you still put a decent plot in it, detailed things well and made the story vivid, yet still, keeping a cute/funny side in it.

Grammar: Your grammar and spelling are almost flawless.

“Yes sir, I will leave, get scary right away and make you proud!”

You missed a comma in the given place.

and several Butterfrees

I like to write species of Pokemon in plural with a 's' in the end. Though, that could be just personal preferance.

It was a huge man, and I mean HUUUUUUUUUUGE.

No no no. No matter how funny you are trying to make the story, capital letters only make it look messier and unprofessional. You can replace the capital letters with more description to give more length and a cleaner look.

Word Choice: As mentioned before, I like your detailing. I had a little problem with seeing 'Gastly' used way too many times. You could replace it with things like 'the purple ghost' or 'the shady Pokemon', etc. You get the point. Also, the @_@ were kinda unnecessary, because you described the spiral eyes well.

Reality: For some strange reason, the Caterpie was sounding a bit unreal!

Battle: It could've been longer because I loved reading it.

Length: Shouldn't be included but I thought that this story was plainly too short.

Outcome: Gastly not captured.

Just add a bit of length and I'll be happy to give the ghostling to you.
I'm waiting for the rain
to wash who I am.
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