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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 08-27-2007, 07:48 PM
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Default Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: the Story

NOTE:Let me just say that the first 5 were already made and I was too lazy to edit them
NOTE:By the way.......you guys can post now.

If you like this bookmark it cause the more people that like it the more chapters im gonna make! Here is the story of life as a trainer in the Sinnoh region, told through the eyes of a boy. It doesnt exactly start at when he first got his pokemon,Eevee,now an Espeon.The boys name is Deon, and his story begins in the middle of a battle......

"Espeon, hang in there!” Deon yelled."Alright, Vespiqueen lets finish this! Attack Order, now!"Yelled Lance, Deon's best friend.They were having a practice battle and they were both on they're last pokemon.A whole bunch of Combee came out of nowhere and attacked Espeon with devastating force." Espeon, counterattack with Psychic! GO!" said Deon, and Vespiqueen was lifted in to the air (though it was already flying) and was slammed at the wall.It was knocked out!"Vespiqueen is unable to battle, Espeon wins, Deon is the winner!" yelled Elizabeth, they're other friend."Yeah we did it Espeon we won! “Said Deon excitedly.
They walked to the Pokemon Center only a mile away."Good game, almost had ya' though!"Said Lance,"You too, that Vespiqueen of yours almost had us there!"Deon replied.They walked into the Pokemon Center, Nurse Joy was at the front desk."Welcome to the Pokemon Center, how may I help you?" she asked, they handed them they're pokemon.A few minutes later,"All healed, take care!"Said Nurse Joy.They went into the yard and sent out all they're pokemon."Come on out gang!"said Deon.Deons pokemon:Espeon(who stays out of its pokeball unless its knocked out,like pikachu in the anime),Torterra,Weavile,Dragonite,Manaphy(they occasionally leave it in the ocean so it can find it’s birth place),Munchlax,Ponyta. Leon’s pokemon: Vespiqueen, Rypherior, Electivire, Duskull (who occasionally scares Elizabeth), Riolu, Toxicroak
Elisabeth’s pokemon: Blissy, Glaceon, Celebi (free roaming but occasionaly visits), Butterfree, Prinplup, Pachirisu, Vulpix.
After spending the night at the Pokemon Center, they set off again to Eterna city to get Deon a new gym badge! They were well on they're way when they were stopped by a trainer an explosion near Eterna City. “What was that?”Said Elizabeth, alarmed. “I don’t know, let’s go check it out. GO! Ponyta!” And Ponyta was out of its pokeball. Deon hopped on its back. “Ponyta, that way!” Deon commanded. When they came to the site of the explosion they found Team Galactic! “Hey! What do you guys doing over here, what’s with the explosion?”Said Lance hopping off of Vespiqueen’s back. “We’re looking for pokemon fossils, and we just found the mother load!!!

End of Chapter 1……….

Last edited by dottio716; 08-27-2007 at 08:27 PM. Reason: extra
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Old 08-27-2007, 07:48 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Pokemon Diamond and Pearl
Chapter 2: Fossil Mania!!!!

“Now get out of here kids! You have no business being here!”Said the lady. “Who are you guys?”Yelled Deon “We’re Team Galactic, and you’re interfering with our operations so beat it!”She answered. “Oh yeah,”Said Lance, “Your they guys with the stupid outfits!” “How dare you! You insulted me, Jupiter!”she screamed. They ran away on their pokemon, but they veered over, camouflaged by the forest they watched what they were doing. They had a large crane, and were picking up rocks with it. “I don’t think those are just ordinary rocks-they’re fossils!” Exclaimed Elizabeth. “But what do they want with-look at that they’re putting the fossils in that huge machine!”Said Deon. They were doing just that. On the other side of the machine pokemon came out! “I think they’re reviving the pokemon. What are they?” asked Lance. “They’re Cranidos and Shieldon!”Said Elizabeth. “You sure know a lot about them?”Said a voice. “Yeah, well going to school sure helps a lot!” answered Elizabeth.
They realized it wasn’t they’re own voices and turned around to find a Galactic Grunt looming over them! “Uh-Oh…..this doesn’t look good…” said Deon. They were pushed out into the clearing were the other Galactic members were. “So, you decided to stay huh?” said Jupiter. “Well we’ll just have to make sure this doesn’t happen again now do we. Go Leffy, Gerald; attack them with all your might while we make off with these ancient pokemon!” They obeyed her order and attacked on command. “Go Luxio!” “Go, Machop!” “Deon, Lance, I’ll take care of them, you guys follow them!” commanded Elizabeth “Go Blissy, Butterfree! Attack with Egg Bomb and Aerial Ace!”
“Alright Lance we gotta catch up with them quick, Ponyta run as fast as you can!” said Deon. Ponyta dashed ahead of Lance, who switched to Electivire, being faster than Vespiqueen. They chased Team Galactic all the way to Eterna City. Team Galactic went into a creepy looking building, about 5 stories high, was blue, and had large spikes coming out of the to. They tried to follow them in, but they were stopped by two guards. “Hey you two! You’re the ones that were chasing the others! Frank lets stop them to stall time for Jupiter. So she can finish with the “Shadow Process”” said one of the guards. “Yeah, Go Stunky!”Said Frank. “Go! Drifloon!” said Mark, the other guard. “Ok, Deon, looks like we got a battle on our hands. You ready?” said Lance. “Yeah, let’s do this!” exclaimed Deon. “Go get em’ Ponyta!” “Ok Electivire, go!” Ponyta and Electivire into battle ready to go. “Electivire, iron tail, Stunky!” said Lance, and a shining tail of steel came down on Stunky, causing massive damage, yet not knocking it out. “Ponyta! Flamethrower, Drifloon! Then, use Bounce!” Ponyta engulfed Drifloon in flames, and then pounced on it with bounce, easily knocking it out! “Oh yeah! Pump it up!” said Deon.
Elizabeth finished her battle with ease as well. “Alright now, time to go find Deon and Lance.” And she ran off to Eterna City. Meanwhile in the Galactic Base, strange things were happening. “Alright, commence the Shadow Process!” said one of the scientists. A black aura filled the tank that contained a Cranidos. After a few moments it went away. “Complete! Shadowfication (I so made this word up) complete!” “So, is it?” asked Cyrus. “Yes it is.” Exclaimed the Man. “Good we now know that it works. So that means we can know go after IT.” Said Cyrus. “IT? Are you sure about this? IT is very strong!” said the Man. “If we want our plans to commence, we must have IT!” said Cyrus. “WE WIN!” said Lance. “NO! This cant be! How could we lose to a bunch of kids!?” said Mark. Just as he said that, Elizabeth came. “Hey guys I’m done, looks like you two won too!” she said. “Yeah, now lets take a look inside that building.” Said Deon. They went inside, and climbed to the top of the building fighting off the Galactic members. They went in the last room to find……..

End of Chapter 2…….
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  #3  
Old 08-27-2007, 07:50 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Pokemon Diamond & Pearl
Chapter 3: Shadow War

They turned around the corner to the last room to find, a pokemon laboratory. “This must be where they conduct they’re experiments.” Said Lance. “No, ya’ think?” exclaimed Deon, he pointed to a sign that said “Experiment Room”. They explored the room, examining all the machines and gadgets. At the back of the room, there were three containers, with pokemon inside of them! “Look at this you guys” said Lance. Elizabeth and Lance came over and looked at them. “There seems to be pokemon inside. There’s a button at the first one, lets see what it does.” said Elizabeth. She pressed the button, upon the press, the containers opened, and the pokemon awakened.
The three pokemon flew away, except for the first one. It approached Deon and Espeon. “Who are you?” said Deon, and he pulled out his pokedex. It said “Mespirit; Known as the being of Emotion. It taught humans the nobility of sorrow, pain, and joy.”
By this time the others had left. “So, you’re Mespirit? Wow, I…..” he was cut off because it disappeared.
“So, it looks like Mespirit is watching over you.” said a voice. Deon turned around and saw a man, “Who are you, and what do you want” Deon demanded. “No need for a battle, I’m just here to talk.” He said, “My name is Cyrus. Im here to tell you that you shouldn’t be messing with our operations, but, while you’re here, since you won’t be able to stop us, I’ll tell you our plans. We, Team Galactic have acquired the assistance of Cipher, an organization who specializes in shadow pokemon. They close the hearts of pokemon making them evil, and stronger. It has only one drawback, shadow pokemon create an aura around them, only visible by “gifted” people and pokemon. With shadow pokemon at our side we’ll obtain the creators of Time and Space, Dialga and Palkia. How we will catch them is with this.” He held up a red object. “This is the Red Chain, which can only be made by the trio as you’ve just met, Azelf, Uxie, and Mespirit.With Dialga and Palkia at our side, we can capture the ultimate pokemon, IT. IT is known as Arceus, the Creation Pokemon. With these three pokemon, we can create a new world, a world under the influence of Team Galactic! We will be unstoppable, and soon the power of Team Galactic will be realized!” “You’re crazy! You must be! This is your plan, to create a new universe! You can’t do this! I won’t let you!” yelled Deon in disbelief. “Hmm, you do seem determined. Ok then, if you wish to stop me then me meet me at the summit of Mt. Coronet.” Challenged Cyrus. “Now if you excuse me, I need to go to the summit!” and he left, leaving Deon thinking. After a few minutes, he was refocused, “I’ve gotta go find the others and stop Team Galactic!” and Deon ran out of the building.
“I wonder where Deon is?” said Lance, “I don’t know lets go find him.” Said Elizabeth. “Yeah, and I’ll have Duskull help too!” said Lance “Come on out Duskull!” “Dussssk!” exclaimed Duskull. “Alright Duskull go find Deon, Ok!” said Lance. Duskull set off. “Hey who’s that?” said Elizabeth, someone was tapping her shoulder. She turned around and found Duskull! “AHHH!!! Don’t do that!” she screamed. “HAHA!!” laughed Lance. Now Duskull left for real this time. “We’d better look for him too.” Exclaimed Elizabeth. They searched high and low, asked as many people as possible, but they couldn’t find him. Soon after they decided to rest awhile, Duskull came, with Deon running behind him. “Hey guys! Guess what, I got some bad news.” said Deon. He explained to them about everything Cyrus said. “Shadow Pokemon, huh? I heard about this somewhere, in the Orre region. Cipher had a Shadow Pokemon thing there too. It was about a year ago, Shadow Pokemon practically ruled the region, but they were put to an end by a boy. And now it looks like they’ve brought they’re operations to Sinnoh and have teamed up with Team Galactic. We have to stop them before they capture Dialga and Palkia, and especially Arceus.”Said Elizabeth. “Hey, I heard Prof. Oak was visiting Sinnoh, maybe he can help us out.
They found a Pokemon Center and called Prof. Oak on the phone. “Uh, yes, hello?” said Prof. Oak. “Prof. Oak, it’s me Deon remember me?” “Deon….oh yes Deon! It’s great to hear from you again. How are things going?” “Not too good.” He explained the situation to Prof. Oak, “Oh, my, this doesn’t seem very good at all. Well I just might be able to help.” He, left for a moment them came back with a machine, “This is a project I’ve been working on, It’s called the Snag Machine, it enables you to capture any pokemon, whether it is already owned by a trainer or not. It should do the trick if you want to stop Team Galactic and Cipher. I’m sending it to you now.” The teleporter to the right of the phones was operational, and soon after a moment the Snag Machine was there. Deon grabbed it, “So, how does it work?” he asked, “Well, just put it on and from then on you will have the ability to capture any pokemon you want.” Deon put it on, it fit like a charm. “With it I sent a head set device, it enables you to identify Shadow Pokemon. I’m going to assume they’re going to make Dialga, Palkia, and Arceus Shadow Pokemon, making them more powerful than they already are, You should head to Mt. Coronet now, before your too late!” and with that he tuned out.
“Alright you guys, we gotta get to Mt. Coronet fast! The universe depends on it!” exclaimed Deon, and they set off.

End of Chapter 3

Next in line:
Chapter 4: When Time and Space Collide
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Old 08-27-2007, 07:51 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Pokemon Diamond & Pearl
Chapter 4: When Time and Space Collide!

Our heroes arrive at Mt. Coronet and are figuring out how to climb it, “How are we gonna do this? ….. I got an idea, how about we fly up there? Common out Dragonite!” said Deon,
“I’ll climb up there with Rypherior. Let’s go Rypherior!” Both pokemon came out ready to go. “I’ll ride with Deon.” said Elizabeth. Dragonite flew off, and Rypherior climbed the mountain.
“Now, with the Red Chain, I can awaken Dialga and Palkia!” said Cyrus. He tied the Red Chain to the altar in the middle of Spear Pillar. Two rifts opened at both ends of the Pillar. Inside two creatures came out of them, Dialga and Palkia! “With the Dark Snag Machine, I’ll capture these two pokemon with these masterballs. Charge complete! Dark Masterball, GO!” Cyrus threw two masterballs, charged with Shadow Energy, and caught Dialga and Palkia! “Hahaha, now your mine! Dialga create a world anew by going back in time and helping Team Galaxy in there siege! Palkia, teleport around the world and show the world the wrath of Team Galaxy! Now, GO!” he commanded.
“Cyrus, NO! You can’t do this!” yelled Deon. “So, you followed me? Well then, as I promised, you won’t stop me! Jupiter, Mars, dispose of them, immediately!” commanded Cyrus madly. “With pleasure!” said Jupiter, “Go! Bronzor.”
“No problem!” said Mars, “Go! Stunky.”
“Deon, we’ll take care of them, you go after Cyrus!” said Lance, “Go, Rypherior!”
“Go, Glaceon!” said Elizabeth. Glaceon gracefully came out of its pokeball.
“Now, go Crobat! Destroy them!” commanded Cyrus releasing Crobat. “Espeon it’s all you here, let’s go! Use psybeam!” said Deon. Espeon fired a beam of psychic energy at Crobat, but it easily dodged it. “Crobat use Air Cutter!” said Cyrus, and Crobat whipped up a razor wind and shot it, scratching Espeon badly. “Espeon use Return then use Psychic, go!” commanded Deon, “Crobat, counter with Wing Attack, NOW!” he shouted. The two pokemon dashed at each other, clashing, friendship versus power. They created a smoke explosion. Crobat was forced out of the smoke, knocked out, by the force of Espeon’s Psychic attack. Espeon won! “Ugh……Ok, return Crobat, you’re gonna get it now! Go! Weavile!” said Cyrus. “Espeon, you did good, now come back, you’re no match for Weavile! Go Ponyta!” exclaimed Deon, “Ponyta, let’s start this with Flamethrower!” Flames quickly burst from Ponyta’s mouth, scorching Weavile with the intensity of the heat. “Weavile, hang in there! Now, use Slash, quickly!” said Cyrus. Weavile quickly dashed at Ponyta, claws barred, “Ponyta, dodge with Quick Attack!” said Deon. Ponyta dashed at Weavile with speed unimaginable, and switched direction at the last moment, but Weavile was faster. Just as Ponyta made the turn, it lashed out a claw and swiped Ponyta, making it fall to a defeat. “Ponyta no!” said Deon worried. “I win, Hahaha!” said Cyrus. Just then, Ponyta began to glow, a bright light flashed, and Ponyta was transformed forever, into, Rapidash! “Ponyta evolved into Rapidash!” exclaimed Deon, “Alright, Rapidash, use Megahorn!” Rapidash ran towards Weavile, head low, horn pointed out, and hit Weavile with power only made by a champion. Weavile was knocked out. “So, you’ve defeated two of my pokemon, now you must defeat two more! Dialga, Palkia, destroy them!” commanded Cyrus. The two dragons entered the battlefield. “Rapidash, return! GO, Dragonite, Torterra! Torterra, use Razor Leaf, Dragonite, use Dragon Claw!” said Deon, ‘This is gonna be a tough one. Two legendary pokemon!’ he thought. Torterra loosed razor sharp leaves at the legends, with Dragonite in the lead, but, Palkia shielded itself with its arms, and Dialga used Roar of Time. Time shifted and everything was disorientated by the roar. Then Palkia used Spacial Rend. Time and Space ripped apart, and Dragonite, and Torterra tried to continue the attack, they did, weakening them gradually, but they were weak themselves. “Ok guys, stop! I think its good enough. Charge complete!” Deon pulled out two Heal Balls. “Heal Balls go!” he threw the snag balls at Dialga and Palkia. The pokeballs shook.
They were released from the pokeballs! Uncaptured. Then the two legends disappeared! “Deon!” it was Elizabeth, “Did you win?”
“No, he didn’t. Neither of us did. The pokemon disappeared!” said Cyrus. Then a green light flashed, and inside was a figure. It was…….Celebi! “Celebi, it’s you!” said Elizabeth. “A Celebi? How did you acquire such a pokemon?” said Cyrus. Just then an explosion occurred. “Sir, that explosion, it sounded like it came from Veilstone City!” said a grunt. “Veilstone? That’s where the base is! Deon, you’re lucky for now, but we’ve gotta go!” with that, Cyrus entered a helicopter and flew away.
“Maybe we should go too!” said Lance
“Yeah, let’s go!” said Deon. Overhead a bird squawked. They three friends looked up and saw a golden creature, “Ho-oh! Wow, it must be watching over us, some kind of sign….” said Elizabeth

End of Chapter 4
Next in Line: Chapter 5: The Pokemon Revolution
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Old 08-27-2007, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Pokemon Diamond & Pearl
Chapter 5: The Pokemon Revolution

In Veilstone City, things were looking pretty bad. Palkia had teleported there and went on a rampage! No sightings of Dialga had been reported. “How….how could this happen?” said Cyrus. “The error of your ways has been revealed to you!” said a voice. Cyrus turned around, “You…… the Sage? You told me of this. You said this would happen.” said Cyrus. He quoted the man, “You shouldn’t do this. For if you, do you shall regret, though not even then u will learn; only a hero can save you from your own demise. This hero, a scared being, fears of what will happen to him…….fear…..” Just then Deon and co. came.
“Cyrus, you see what happened? This is you fault Cyrus! ……..The Red Chain……. Could that stop it?” said Deon. Cyrus only looked at him, then he looked at towards the sage, but he was gone. “Wha…. How? Where did he go?” said Cyrus, “Who are you talking about?” said Lance. “The Sage…… there was a man, right here!” “No there wasn’t. It was just you there.” said Lance.
“Ok guys, lets go stop Palkia.” said Elizabeth. “If we don’t, it could destroy the world!”
“You’re right, we’d better start now.” said Deon. Just then a meteor fell from the sky just a few meters away from them. From inside a pokemon came out of it. Its form was beyond this world. “What is that?” said Deon. “Deoxys.” said somebody.
“Who are you? And what’s Deoxys?” said Elizabeth. “My name’s Cucs and I am a Pokemon Hunter. I specialize in finding legendary pokemon! My current project is Lugia, I’ve been tracking it for months now and I’ve finally tracked it to its home in the Whirl Islands, Johto. I just happened to be in the region when I got word of Dialga and Palkia in the area, so I decided to come and check it out.”
Deoxys shifted, and looked at the rampaging Palkia. It flew speedily towards Palkia, transformed, and used Psycoboost! The attack nailed Palkia in the neck. Palkia looked for its attacker and spotted Deoxys. It shifted its body and used Aqua Tail. “What’s happening? Why did Deoxys attack Palkia?” asked Cyrus. “Because of the danger it’s causing to the world.” It was the Sage again, but this time, Cyrus couldn’t see him, “If Palkia continues its rage, Space would be destroyed, Deoxys is trying to stop this disaster.” “But….but, how? How can Deoxys stop this?” said Cyrus, “It can’t stop this happening. But it is helping to stop it.” Everyone looked at Cyrus because he was talking to himself, “What’s wrong with him?” said Cucs. “Nothing he’s always been like this.” said Elizabeth.
“Hey, Cucs, you want to help us stop Palkia.” said Deon
“Yeah, let’s go! GO, Lucario!” said Cucs, “Let’s go Weavile! Elizabeth, Lance…..Cyrus, go and evacuate everyone from the city.” “Right on it!” said Lance.
“Weavile, use Slash!” said Deon, “Lucario, use Shadow Claw!” said Cucs. Both pokemon approached Palkia with speed, Weavile had the lead, but Lucario came out of nowhere, and struck Palkia with a dark claw. Weavile, came in close behind, and swiped at Palkia. Palkia retaliated and used Dragonbreath. Lucario dodged with ease, but Weavile was too slow. It was hit by the force of the attack. Weavile glared at Lucario jealously, but it only smiled, and dashed at Palkia.
The battle against Palkia continued. A bright light flashed, and Palkia disappeared. In it’s place, a girl. A teenage girl and she approached the two trainers, and said, “Why do you fight? Can’t you see that this creature is scared? Dialga, come on out.” The girl released the pokemon from a pokeball. “How, did you find it, I mean, Dialga?” asked Cucs. The girl answered, “I found him. My name is Talia, and this is my story.” Dialga began glowing, and everyone saw what happened………….
Long, long ago, a creature was changing time as we know it. It was destroying forests and lives. That pokemon was, Dialga. It had gone back in time and began wrecking havoc in its rage. All were afraid, except for one person, a young girl. She fought the creature, and captured it. Then all the rage and destruction was stopped. This girl had saved the world unknowingly. Her pokemon, PorygonZ, Elekid, and Staraptor. Her father was a scientist, and he was on the verge of creating the ultimate artificial pokemon, Mewtwo. PorygonZ was a prototype model and wasn’t complete, but it helped in the creation of Mewtwo. Mewtwo was made without a heart, so it was a savage being. It destroyed the cloning lab and escaped, far into an Unknown Dungeon. The girl pursued the pokemon, and searched around the world for this Dungeon, but yet, could not find it. So in her sullen failure, she took Dialga and the other pokemon, and teleported, randomly in time………
“Wow……..a mysterious pokemon, the Unknown Dungeon……Mewtwo, where have I heard that name before?” said Deon. Just then after he said that, a pokemon fell from the sky…… “Who’s that pokemon?” said Lance, “A Mew!” said Cucs, “It seems to be unconscious.” Upon him saying that, Celebi, approached it. And in the forest, hundreds of pokemon appeared. Celebi, touched Mew, and it glowed in green. “Celebi must be healing Mew!” said Elizabeth. It was, the glow had faded from Mew, and it opened its eyes. It got up, and came to Celebi. It gestured in thanks, then, Palkia reappeared, calmed. By then the pokemon had come out of they’re pokeballs, and the forest pokemon crowded them. A roar came from nowhere, and another pokemon came, Arceus. “Arceus! Why is it here?” said Cyrus. “I am here to stop this.” it said.
“It talked!” said Cyrus, “Cyrus, I am here to help, to help YOU stop this happening.”
“Wha……what? Arceus wants to help me?” said Cyrus, “Ok then, Arceus! Use Hyper Beam!!!” Arceus fired an intense blast of power at the rampaging Palkia. It struck its mark! Palkia fell to the ground, defeated. “……….Palkia……..Palkia’s calmed now” said Cyrus. “Yes, it is. We have defeated Palkia, and it is now returning to its home, in the depths of space.” Said Arceus.
“Cyrus, you did it!!!” said Deon. Everyone cheered.
Later during the day, after Arceus and Dialga had gone, the townspeople came back and began to rebuild the city. “So, Cyrus, what are you going to do now?” asked Deon. “Well, Deon, I’m going to help rebuild the city. I have seen the error of my ways. I am going to stay here and turn Team Galactic into a Protection Agency, and help keep the world safe.” “Cool! That’ll be awesome!” said Elizabeth. “Yeah, I’ll be looking forward to seeing it!” said Lance.
“Well, we would stay, but we gotta go.” Said Deon, “Later!” The three trainers walked off towards the forest, having taken a new foot on things after the experience that has happened to them.

End of Chapter 5…………..
Next in Line: Chapter 6: Rivalry Calls

ok...now im gonna start chapter 6..........I just realized that icould edit the chapters into one space........all other chapters will appear here under chapter 5

Last edited by dottio716; 08-27-2007 at 07:55 PM. Reason: dumb realization
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  #6  
Old 08-27-2007, 09:13 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

16 views.........and no replies...that arent mine.....
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Old 08-31-2007, 07:06 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Hey there! I wanna give you a few tips.

When you use speech, you've started a new line, which is good. But you should really start a new paragraph. That's what your story lacks. Paragraphs.

Also, try and include some detail. >_>
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Old 09-01-2007, 01:41 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Ok, but like i said, i was too dang lazy to edit them as they were already pre-made.....Ill be sure to do so in the next chapter(and the fact is, it was fine when i typed it, but cause of the long lines, it turned out different)
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Old 09-01-2007, 02:33 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Hey there, I also wanted to give you some tips about description. :)

For example, you said Palkia went on a rampage when he teleported there. What did Palkia do? Did the legendary flood houses and buildings with an Aqua Tail? Did he destroy trees and forests with his Special Rend?

Also, you said Dialga went back in time and also went on rampage but then a girl captured him. Dialga is a legendary, a strong Dragon/Steel entity, readers would absolutely love it if you wrote the battle that took place. Maybe something like this?

Quote:
With his fifth Roar of Time, the legend destroyed yet another acre of trees, the plants snapping like wek twigs due to the powerful blast. The Pidgeot once again avoided the mighty attack by diving to the ground, spreading its great tawny to fly up before it hit the ground with a neck braking crash. Raging ruby eyes met intelligent amber when both pokemon faced each other.

Below but still in harm's way, the ten year old gir held her breath in fear. Pale body was shaking while her commands came out hoarse yet audible above the cries of battle and the crackling orange flames that engulfed the fallen forest around her. Willing her mind to snap back to what was taking place, she clutched the red/white Poke Ball with a sweaty palm.

"Gale, use Aerial Ace!"

The bird gave a call of agreement and took off higher into the air. Dialga's eyes followed the small mass until it did a back flip so that it came flying in a blinding flash of light. Dialga opened its jaws to let out another attack but he was too slow. With a resounding CRACK!, Pidgeot found her target in betwen the eyes of the Dragon. The Pokemon let out a screech of pain, its cerulean body markings glowing brilliant.
See? You give a vaugue idea of the surroundings of Dialga (it should be more detailed but this is just an example) and you mention the battle (and later capture) that apparently saved the world. The reader is now excited and on teh edge of their seats to find out how exactly this mighty pokemon that nobody stopped before was so suddenly captured. But if you just go "The girl captured Dialga and saved the world" and you skip to the present time, they will be, "That's it? She just captured him? How?". You leave the reader hanging and thus uninterested.

Don't be afraid of stuffing your story full of description, it's better by a long run if you put too much than too little. Lets say you're writing about a flower:

Quote:
The flower stood beside the sidewalk.
But wait! You suddenly think, "Hey, why not make it purple?" So you add:

Quote:
The purple flower stood beside the sidewalk.
Now you're giving a better picture to the reader, they know what it looks like. But how about how it smells?

Quote:
The purple flower stood beside the sidewalk with its honey fragrance.
Right now, you made the sentence five times better than the orginal. You can add more to it, too. Maybe the character knelt and felt the petals or he tasted one of them (LOL don't know, it's the character xD). Describe everything as though you are there, the smells, the sights, the whole enchilada. Don't just limit yourself to one sense, do all five of them. I gurantee you, if you take a moment and describe something in your story (a flower, a pokemon, a battle, etc.), your writing skills will be greatly improved. ;) Just take it slow, nobody is rushing you except yourself.

Sorry if this seems like too much but I hope this helped you at least a little.

- Kat
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Last edited by Phantom Kat; 09-01-2007 at 02:37 AM.
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  #10  
Old 09-02-2007, 02:57 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Thanx for the tips and stuff....but....does anybody even like it? I mean, 91 views!!!
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Old 09-02-2007, 03:39 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Diamond & Pearl: The Story

Quote:
Originally Posted by dottio716 View Post
Thanx for the tips and stuff....but....does anybody even like it? I mean, 91 views!!!
It might be because of your blocked text, it's intimidating to readers so they don't bother to read (I'm one of those, I don't read stories that are you blocks). Trust me, if my fic was only blocks, I will have no readers whatsoover and I like to think my fic to be of pretty good quality (gets shot for advertising). So if you just Enter twice instead of once like what you're doing right now, people would read it now because it's easier. Maybe it's also your grammar and spelling or lack of description, maybe try to better those things?

Also, don't just write because you want readers. I mean, I love it when people review my story and say how good it is (and offer tips to make it better), it makes feel really good. If people didn't review, well, I'll be sort of disappointed yet I would go on because I have put too much thought and effort into a chapter that I'm not going to let it go to waste.

I actually have one fic called "Cell Induced" that I really love writing yet I don't post it here (or anywhere, too many personal subject for me) so it's only for my eyes to see. I write it because I love the plot, the chracters, everything. People will never say how good it is (or bad) because I will never let them read it but I still love writing each and every chapter. I then have two one-shots that only about one person reviewed yet I still love them, I still love the concept of it and I don't regret writing them.

I also know of this really good fic called "Crossing Dimensions". It doesn't get a lot of reviews, about two people (including myself) review every chapter, but that doesn't mean it's not good. Yet, the writer still write beacuse she enjoys it and where the plot is going.

Also, (yes I know it's alot of "Also"s but I'm on a roll ^^;) you can always advertise your fic in your sig, I'm sure a link wouldn't hurt. I've had a lot of people say that my banner in my sig drew them so I knwo that it is working. You can always request a banner, there are some pretty good people who make awesome banners (like Shiny Loser and thenwekiss).

Don't get discourage, if you want to quit your fic because it doesn't get readers, feel free, that's your choice. If you really like where it is going, then continue until you're bored with it (although if you really want readers, "getting bored with it" is frown upon) or you finish it. Just know that reviews aren't everything, most of them are only "Kepp going" or "Good job!" which I'm sure your could have told yourself. The reviews I love are the ones that critsize me and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

(Actually, that was my first review on here. About a page full of crisism by Psychic and my horrible grammar/comma mistakes. It was more tips that actual praising O_o ).

- Kat
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