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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 11-27-2006, 08:11 PM
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Default The trip of a lifetime (Graded by Megumi) =]

fIrST sstory!!11!

Joe woke up and looked around him. The sun immediately blinded him, as it always did every morning when he woke up. In fact, it blinded him a lot. Joe hated the sun. He also hated his brother. His brother was two years older than him, and ever since they were children, they had possessed a fierce rivalry which had blazed all the time. Never relenting, the two bothers always competed over the most trivial things, like who could brush their teeth the quickest, or who could get higher marks in class. So here Joe was. This early in the morning already thinking about his brother, and he needed to get up. Today was the big day. The day when he would finally compete in the Pokemon beginner’s cup! That was another thing he resented about his brother, the fact that no matter how hard Joe tried, he could never beat Josh at Pokemon battles. Josh had friends. Rich friends. They gave him Pokemon as birthday presents, for Christmas, and they even asked him which ones he wanted. Because of this Josh possessed a team of 6 powerful Pokemon, all different in types, and anyone who challenged him usually left with their tail between their legs. Joe was determined to finally rise above his brother and capture more (or at least one more) Pokemon. At the moment the only Pokemon Joe had was his trusty Houndoom. Joe loved his Houndoom. He had been given it as a birthday present, his 2nd if he was not mistaken, and loved it dearly. Although Josh had raised far more powerful beasts, Joe knew that he had raised his better regarding love…

Joe got up out of his bed, and promptly fell out. “Stupid bed!” Joe exclaimed. But he did not stay in a bad mood for long. He was too busy thinking about the Cup, and anticipating the tempting prize that awaited the winner…

The prize for this year’s Beginner’s Cup is a holiday break to the luscious scenery of Hoenn! Sail around the sea, explore the dense jungle, and experience the joys of this incredible landscape for yourself!

Even Joe could not resist that tempting an offer, even though it would mean embarrassing himself in front of his brother on a stage. With that thought, Joe headed to the bathroom, and had a long shower. He thought about all the things him and his brother had argued about, and eventually gave up. This will only upset me again, he thought. Joe turned off the shower, and stepped back into his bedroom. A small room, with a few scattered books on the floor. A large bookcase filled most of the room, with the rest taken up by his bed, and opposite that stood a long mirror. In the corner of the room sat Hund, Joe’s only Pokemon.

“Hey Hund, ready for another day?” Sang Joe.

“AroooHOUND!” sang back Hund, panting with happiness.

Joe commenced dressing himself, slipping into his favourite Jeans, T-Shirt, sandals and sunglasses. On the island of Cinnabar, nothing changed much. The volcano constantly pumped fumes from its peak, and the sun always shone. Although some people may have liked this kind of lifestyle, Joe hated it. The sun really got to you, and Joe ended up spending most of his time indoors, in his air conditioned apartment. Hopefully the Cup will be indoors this year, Joe thought.

Joe stepped over to his mirror, and had a long look at himself. He saw a young, brown haired boy, with brown eyes and freckles. He slipped his sunglasses on, and was just about to step out of his bedroom when he heard a noise outside. It must be my stupid brother and his big headed friends in the hall, thought Joe. He could hear their boasting already, as they trod heavily along, outside Joe's room.

"Who do you think will win this year?"
"Me, of course!"
"Er, no, it will be me."
"You're both wrong, it will be me!!"

And so on. As they grew closer, Joe decided it was time to leave. He called his Houndoom over to him, and with a nimble jump, Hund entered Joe's Pokeball with glee. Edging away from the door, Joe stepped out onto the balcony. He breathed in the morning air, and then climbed over the fence surrounding his apartment, and dropped down to the stairs leading up to the complex. With a sigh of relief, he realised he had escaped his brother once again.


Joe unfolded a crumpled piece of paper that had been living in his pocket for the last week, and read the words that he had read over and over, the words that said:

Entrants to this year's Beginners Cup must assemble at the arena, which is in the centre of town. Take a right at the Museum, then pass Starbucks, and you will arrive at the venue.

Entrants must have at least one Pokemon, and if they have more than one, they must choose one Pokemon to use. Entrants cannot change their selected Pokemon once chosen.

This was it. Joe had arrived at the arena, as instructed, and now saw what he was up against. A huge queue stretched out in front of him, with trainers of all ages here to enter. He saw people who were around his age, to people around his brothers age, and even trainers who could have been as old as his parents!

Speaking of my parents, where are they? Joe thought. He had only been thinking about himself this morning, and since he had taken the back route out of his room, he hadn't had time to tell them that he was leaving...

But there wasn't time to worry about that now, Joe reasoned. He needed to be in top shape for the Tournament, and he didn't want to make his Houndoom nervous, who had a deep emotional connection with Joe.

"Come on Houndoom, we can do this. I know it!"

It was getting later now, and Joe knew that only a certain number of applicants would be accepted. Houndoom gave a bark of encouragement as Joe's turn at the front of the queue finally arrived.

"Name?" barked an old looking woman, seated behind a small desk.
"Age?" she barked again. Evidently this woman was tired, and who could blame her - she had been here since god knows when in the morning.
"13" Joe muttered, starting to get tired of this woman's attitude.
"And finally... Choice of Pokemon?"
Joe simply pointed to Houndoom, and the lady nodded.
"You may enter"

Joe stepped through the huge iron gate, and gasped in awe. It was the biggest stadium Joe had ever seen! There must have been over 100,000 seats! Although Joe knew for sure that not every seat would be filled for such a small event, he could not help but grow increasingly nervous as he looked around. This was the real deal. His big break. He knew that if he won the grand prize, he would be able to catch a rare and exciting Pokemon in the lands of Hoenn. Joy filled his mind as he thought aboout all the rare Pokemon he had seen on T.V whenever they did a documentary on Hoenn.

It must be getting close to midday now, Joe thought, as he finished looking round. They will be doing the practice round soon. Sure enough, there came the sound of a tanoy crackling into life, and the lady that had served Joe earlier, said in a clear, crisp voice,

"Signups are closed. Can everyone who is in the competition please enter the arena for the Practice round"

Last edited by lilbabydino; 01-04-2007 at 05:08 PM.
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:34 PM
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Default Part 2

And so this is how Joe found himself, standing on the stage, with his Houndoom by his side, facing a small trainer called James. James was about 11, and had short blonde hair. He wore bright blue shorts, an orange T-shirt with a Pokeball logo in the centre, and a red baseball cap on his head completed his attire. They had met before the tournament, and were now facing each other in this practice battle. Although it was just that, a practice battle, it did have an effect on who you faced in the first of three rounds in the tournament.

These practice battles were happening through the whole of the stadium, with only a small area allocated for each set of trainers. Your area was clearly pointed out to you, with a big circular pedestal, and each trainer went to each side. There was always a judge with you, so the pressure really got to you.

Joe was snapped out of his observations as their judge, a middle aged man with red hair, dressed in a pale T-Shirt and jeans, announced that trainers were to send their Pokemon and prepare for battle!

Joe was the first to send, with Houndoom jumping out of Joe's outstretched Pokeball. James threw his Pokeball into centre stage, and a flash of brilliant light shone, before revealing a small Poochyena.

"Hehe... You have a dark type too, then..." muttered Joe.

"Yeah, and I bet it's close to evolving! I wouldn't be surprised if it evolved during the tournament!" exclaimed James.

"Whatever, let's battle!" shouted Joe, thrusting his arm forward. "Houndoom, use your smog attack!"

Houndoom sprinted forward, and with a short grunt, let loose a poisonous gas. The gas drifted towards Poochyena and seemed to miss. Poochyena just stood there, until it suddenly fell. Obviously the gas had hit.

"Poochy! Get up and use your Scary Face attack! That'll teach him!"

The enemy dog seemed slower from the poison, but as soon as he heard his master's command he got up, and created a huge copy of himself in the air! The copy then let loose a terrible roar, which could make even the toughest man shake in his boots. Even the judge looked scared, with Joe's Houndoom looking very frightened indeed.

"Get over it, Hund! Use Flamethrower!"

The shaken Houndoom seemed to hesitate, but with a sudden flash of loyalty, Hund managed to let loose a powerful stream of fire from it's open jaw. Poochyena seemed momentarily stunned, then finally fell to the ground.

"No...n-n-no." stuttered James, him too, falling slowly to his knees.

"It's ok..." explained Joe. "It's just a practice round - you're still in the competition..."

But James simply walked away, his baseball cap left on the ground, and Joe knew that there would be people like this - people who must win no matter what, people who would take one loss as a total insult - and Joe knew he and Hund must be strong for the coming rounds.

Last edited by lilbabydino; 12-31-2006 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 12-24-2006, 12:46 PM
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Default Part 3

So, it was time for the first official round of the tournament. The stadium was nearly full, much to Joe's surprise, and when he stepped into his section, he found that he was not alone. There was already someone there. The girl standing opposite Joe was wearing a light blue top, with a black skirt. She looked about 15, and when she saw Joe she greeted him with a quick smile, and then her face became stern as the announcement was made.

"First round battles are to start in 3...2...1...START!"

Joe watched as the girl raised her arm and sent out a small, brown and white Pokemon, and at the same time Joe let loose his own Houndoom, who was rearing to go.

"Linoone, attack that dog with your Slash attack!"

Linoone summoned up it's energy to prepare for a big attack. It looked at Hund, and with a huge leap, it pounced.

SLASH! Houndoom was knocked flying as the angry Linoone shot forward. With a cry, Houndoom hit the edge of the arena. The audience grew silent in anticipation as they waited to see if Houndoom was going to get up. And he did! The crowd let out a gasp.

"You won't get rid of Hund that easily!" Joe exclaimed, but inside he had been scared. "Attack with Flamethrower Houndoom!"

Houndoom pulled back its head, opened its jaw, and with a roar, let loose a stream of fiery wrath upon it's furry opponent. The enemy jumped to avoid the attack, but was too late, as the powerful blast hit Linoone square in the chest. Linoone stumbled around, in a daze, until Joe shouted,

"Finish this! Use your Crunch attack, Hund!"

Hund leapt forwards and with huge teeth, shattered Linoone. The injured Pokemon let out a howl.

"Linnn...ooonne..." it squeaked, but the attack had done it's job. Linoone slowly collapsed onto the wooden floor, and was called back to it's owner's Pokeball.

"And the first round is over, folks! please help yourselves to refreshments, and we will see you back here for round 2!" announced the commentator, this time a man dressed in a pink Hawaiian shirt. But Joe didn't notice this, as he was looking at the girl that he had just knocked out of the competition for good.

"Hello", he said, "I'm Joe, the guy you just faced".

The girl merely scowled at Joe.

"I know this is kinda a bad time to meet, but if you'll come with me, we can get a drink or something" reasoned Joe. this girl had to be the most beautiful female he had ever seen in his life! He wasn't about to let her get away without meeting properly.

" I'm Lily. Lily Rose. Can I take that offer another time? My Linoone needs some time to re cooperate..."

"Ok, sure, sorry, I didn't mean to hurt him too much... Do you need some help?"

"No" she snapped, and sensing he wasn't wanted, Joe walked away.

Somehow Joe didn't think she wanted to be with him right now, but he didn't mind. He knew how he would feel if he had been in her position. He decided to leave it, and after waving, he decided he would go find his parents. IF they were there. Which he doubted. Joe had always had a bad relationship with his parents, mainly on the bases that they wished he could be more like his brother. Nope. That was never going to happen.

Last edited by lilbabydino; 12-31-2006 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 12-31-2006, 03:11 PM
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Default Part 4

Joe started looking around the stadium, with crowds of people walking everywhere. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, and he couldn't call out to them, as the noise in this place was terribly loud. He was thinking. Suppose Joe got to the third and final round. Suppose he faced his brother. Who would his parents root for? He didn't need to answer that. He knew. Why couldn't they just support him, just once? That is all I ask..., thought Joe. But he didn't need that on his mind for the next two rounds. He needed a clear head in order to win this. And he wanted to win this. He needed that trip very badly, he needed the chance to catch a Pokemon native to another land, he needed the experience of going to Hoenn.

Joe eventually gave up looking for his parents. They're probably not here, he thought, they've probably gone somewhere else, or are talking to Josh backstage, giving him advice.

Joe headed back to the preparation room, sweat running down his brow. If I win this, I'm in the final, he thought. I'm one step closer to winning the tournament.

As he was called outside, he glanced at his opponent, and was greeted by a look of someone who was going to destroy his opponents. He wore a black outfit, with a matching cape! joe only knew one trainer who wore a cape - but no, it couldn't be, it couldn't be.... Lance?

As the man stepped onto the stage opposite Joe, he let out a grin.

"I am Lance's son, my name is Deikun. I am renound throughout the lands. Alas, I must destroy all these weak trainers in order to get through this tournament. I am sick of petty trainers and their weak Pokemon." Deikun spat in disgust. "Will you give me a challenge, or will I have to destroy you like I did the others?"

"Oh, I'll give you a challenge all right. Mark my words." Joe replied. "Mark my words."

Deikun started off the battle by sending a huge Pokemon, which Joe had never seen before. It was massive, a blue colour, and seemed to be floating above the arena. The audience wooed. Evidently most of them had never seen it before either.

"Fear the wrath of my Gyrados!"

Aaah, so that was it. Joe had heard about this incredible Pokemon before, but since it was a water type, only those who had been to other parts of Kanto would have seen it. Water types were never seen under the blistering heat of Cinnabar. Joe was worried. Not only was he facing a water type, which his Houndoom was weak to, it was an incredibly fearsome water type at that. But nevertheless, Joe had come this far and was not turning back now.

"Go, Hund!"

Houndoom emerged from its Pokeball, a strange look of hope in its eyes. It let out 3 barks to show it meant business. There was no holding back now, this was surely going to be the toughest battle that Joe had ever faced. This guy made his brother look weak. So what did that make Joe?

Gyrados started the battle by summoning a huge rain storm, and making the sky darken. Rain started pouring form the clouds! the citizens of Cinnabar had never seen rain before, and this rain was certainly intense! Deikun smiled.

"See how your pathetic islanders cower with fear at the sight of rain, and tremble with terror at the sight of a mear water Pokemon. How pathetic."

"No matter, I'll still beat you, even with your fancy weather tricks!"

Houndoom did not need a command, he simply dashed forward and sent a pillar of flame upon the enemy. But what was this! The attack was nearly extinguished by the time it reached Gyrados!

"Another thing you must learn. The rain will make your fire attacks weaker, and my water attacks STRONGER!"

Gyrados let out 3 huge beams of water from it's mouth, and with the rain adding more water as it progressed, the Hydro Pump attack became twice its size, before slamming into Hund.

"Huuunnnd..." Houndoom exclaimed as the water knocked it off its feet. It landed in a ball on the other side of the stage.

Right, Joe thought. This requires a plan.... And then it came to him. he would use Deikun's own strategy against him. Then he would see who was pathetic!

"Finish off that pathetic Pokemon with another Hydro Pump!" shouted Deikun.

"Houndoom, attack with your Sunny Day technique!!"

"What? I didn't know he knew that!" muttered Deikun. He looked surprised, just the way Joe wanted him.

"Well, you do now."

Houndoom jumped up in the air, and with some kind of energy release, it made the sun shine brighter than before! The first step of Joe's plan had been put into play. As Gyrados followed through with it's master's orders, it was Deikun's turn to be shocked. The attack hardly touched Hund, in fact it didn't even touch it. The water had all evaporated by the time it reached the fiery dog!

"Now, Hund, use your other secret technique! SOLARBEAM!

Due to the sun's brightness, Hund immediately jumped into the air and let loose a huge beam of solar energy, perfect for use against a water type enemy, even a half flying one. The beam hit Gyrados, and it was knocked back.

"Quickly Hund, while it is weak! Flame it!" Joe shouted. And to Deikun, "Goodbye, my foolish friend."

"No!" Deikun cried, but it was too late. Houndoom had already sent a stream of burning lava towards Gyrados. With the sun backing it, the stream became even hotter, and as it hit the huge dragon, Gyrados cried with pain. Joe felt sorry for Deikun's Pokemon, but he had to win. And win he had. Deikun fell to the ground as his Pokemon was taken out.

"And that's it for round 2! Who will Joe be facing in the final? Find out after the break!"

Last edited by lilbabydino; 12-31-2006 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 12-31-2006, 04:07 PM
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Default Part 5

So Joe was in the final. For this he was happy. But who would he face? He didn't need to answer that question. He sighed. When he faced his brother, he would surely be completely destroyed.

But... he had just beaten the son of Lance, the great dragon trainer. And surely that counted for something. If he could beat a Gyrados, he would be able to beat anything. Wouldn't he?

As he stepped out onto the stage, his suspicions were confirmed. It was his brother. He wore typical "Josh" clothes, his black denim jacket hanging carelessly across his shoulders, his hair messily falling about his head. Joe had to admit they looked a lot like each other, but they would never be alike in characteristics. Josh was never sympathetic, never nice in fact, and he only cared about himself. And the funny thing was, he was popular! Obviously he had found people who were equally rude, selfish and unkind.

Apart from that, Joe was eager to see what Pokemon Josh had chosen out of his vast array. He hoped that he hadn't picked his Walrein, or his Golem.

"So, how's it going, lil bro?"


"Shame your gonna lose to me though, bro" smirked Josh. "But it's obvious you will. I'm much better than you at Pokemon. Haha!"

Josh was laughing at Joe, as his face was getting redder. How dare he make fun of me on a stage, Joe thought. He will pay.

"So. Are we going to battle, or are you going to stand here all day talking about it?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right Joey, I want to go on that cruise as soon as possible!"

Here we go, Joe thought. He's going to reveal his Pokemon. Get ready, Hund. I hope the Focus Band I gave you helps. I really do.


Last edited by lilbabydino; 12-31-2006 at 04:19 PM.
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Old 01-03-2007, 12:00 PM
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Default Part 5 Cont.

...CORSOLA!" Josh shouted, as he threw his Pokeball high in the air. The light caught it, and as Joe looked to the sky, he was temporarily blinded.

The Pokeball almost flew as it caught the wind, and finally landed on the floor of the arena. The crowd gave a loud gasp, as the Pokeball burst open and a wall of light shrouded its contents.

Joe did the same, nimbly thrusting his Pokeball into the air. The crowd gave a cheer as Joe's Houndoom appeared on the stage.

"Come on Hund, we can do this," Joe muttered, but his brother heard.

"Ha! Talking to your stupid Pokemon again, Joe?" accused Josh. Hund gave a growl. He knew when his master was being ridiculed. Before Joe could respond, they heard a call.

"Let the battlllllllle.... Comeeeeeence!" squealed the newest judge, a girly teenager wearing a pink skirt with matching top. It was time.

"Hund, let's get this thing started with a nice crunch attack!" ordered Joe.

Houndoom reared up its head, ad then started sprinting towards the coral Pokemon, its fangs ready for the big attack. Hund jumped, and jumped, and jumped, until it finall decided to come crushing back to Earth. But Josh was ready.

"Corsola, use Mirror Coat!!" Josh said, a sly smile dancing upon his lips.

Joe froze. Mirror Coat! The attack that could completely counter Hund's moves! This didn't look good.

Just as he was thinking, Houndoom finally reached its target. The Coral Pokemon simply turned around, and with a nimble dodge, it used all of the dog's power against it. Houndoom was thrust into the air, spiraling ever more as it got higher, and higher.

"Corsola, hit him again with Rock Blast!" called Josh.

Corsola seemed to not hear him for a second, until Joe realised it was simply waiting for Hund to come into the right position. It finally jumped into the air, its rocky spikes held out. Joe tried to call to Houndoom, but it was too far up! Joe hoped and prayed that his Pokemon was strong enough to take the attack, as if it was, Joe had a plan.

The crowd gasped, and Joe looked up. He knew why. He could make out his Pokemon, falling, falling faster and faster, rocks being thrown into it every half a second. It finally hit the ground, in front of Joe, and Joe could see that it had taken a beating. The fire Pokemon looked at Joe with sad eyes, eyes that showed no energy, eyes that felt a million feelings that Pokemon were not supposed to feel.

Joe decided. He was going to call Houndoom back. Even though his brother, his family, his friends would taunt him for ever, he knew that it was not worth seeing a poor Pokemon suffer.

"Hund, come ba-"

Last edited by lilbabydino; 01-03-2007 at 12:03 PM.
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Old 01-03-2007, 12:14 PM
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Default Part 6

"NO!" a voice shouted, from somewhere behind him. Joe spun around, to see the silhouette of a girl stadning up in the audience. Joe could only make out her rough shape, but she said again, "Keep going, Joe! I believe in you!"

Finally Joe recognized her voice. It was Lily, the girl he had beaten, the girl he had almost forgotten about until now. He must continue, if only for her sake. he had beaten her, and he knew that she wanted him to win. She wanted him to win the prize more than anything.

Joe turned back to the battle. He looked his brother in the eye, before talking to Hund.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Joe whispered. Houndoom responded with a low growl, like he was ready. He would always be ready, always ready to help his master. Such was the love they shared. Joe knew that Hund would always help him in times of trouble, and his Pokemon knew that Joe would never push him, unless he absolutely had to. This was one of those moments.

"Then let's do this!"

Joe whispered something into Houndoom's ear, and it ran forwards, and then disappeared. Josh looked surprised.

"Running away already, Joe? You always were a coward!" laughed Josh. But Joe simply smiled.

"Have a taste of my Faint Attack!" said Joe.

"What?!" screamed Josh. "NO!"

Houndoom suddenly appeared above Corsola, and then threw itself upon the rocky Pokemon. This time, Houndoom surprised it, so it couldn't counter! The blow sent Corsola sprawling across the mat, and Houndoom wasn't done yet. It jumped high into the sky, and started summoning a huge fireball.

"What... what is it doing?" squeaked Josh.

"Winning the tournament," said Joe, and then to Houndoom, "Quickly! Finish him with Solarbeam!!!"

Then Josh realised what was happening. Joe was using the same strategy he had used to beat Deikun! Well, he's not going to get away with it this time, thought Josh. I will win that prize. Houndoom was absorbing energy, straight from the sun that it had created. Joe was set to win, with Hund's attack almost formed. You could hear the crowd hold it's breath as the tension mounted. It was strange, the huge arena almost silent in anticipation, waiting for the final blow to sound. And then it did. But not as anyone expected.

"Corsola, use EXPLOSION!!!!!!" Shrieked Josh. The whole audience gasped in astonishment. Explosion! But that would destroy them both! As if reading everyone's thoughts, Josh answered,

"It means that I will get a ticket with you, Joe. But I'll still take your ticket and give it to a TRUE friend. Hahahaha!"

"You wouldn't know a true friend if it hit you," replied Joe. But inside, he was seething. He knew that his parents would never let him go on the cruise, especially if Josh had won as well. They would say he was too young, that one of Josh's friends would be better deserving of the prize. That or Josh would tell them that he had won, and that Joe had taken his rightful prize. No. but it was inevitable. they would both be blown to smithreens.

Corsola grew to a huge size, expanding it's body until it was the size of a car, and then, suddenly, it blew. There was a huge shockwave of energy and the whole audience gripped their seats. A huge screen of dust and dirt enveloped the stage, and Joe coughed and spluttered as he tried to regain sight of the platform he was standing on. The dust started clearing eventually, and as Joe looked to where the two brawling Pokemon had been, he couldn't believe his eyes! There, standing alone on the platform, was Hund, looking up at it's master.

Joe looked across at his brother, and he could see that Josh had the same expression plastered all over his face. The expression of surprise.

Then Joe realised. Realised why his Houndoom had survived the huge ray of destruction that had washed over the arena.

"The Focus Band..." he whispered, hardly believing himself. Then something else dawned on him. He had won the tournament. HE HAD WON THE TOURNAMENT!

Last edited by lilbabydino; 01-03-2007 at 06:19 PM.
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Old 01-03-2007, 06:38 PM
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Default Part 7

"Aaand...t-the winner of t-the tournament is J-Joe..." gasped the female judge. "C-C-Congratulations..."

The Organizer, clearly seeing that this judge was not coping very well, stepped into the fray.

"Congratulations on winning the Beginner's Cup, Joe. You have won 2 tickets to the fabulous land of Hoenn, to sail the open seas! Who will you be taking with you? We need to know right now!"

"The person I will be taking with me to Hoenn is..." a brief smile danced upon Joe's face, then settled again. "Lily Rose"

A gas could be heard from someone in the audience, as the Organizer said,

"Lily Rose, please step up here to collect your prize! A helicopter will come and pick you up, and you will be completely catered for on your cruise to Hoenn!"

Lily stepped on to the stage, and you could tell that she had so many thoughts running inside her head, she was obviously very confused and happy that Joe had chosen her.

"Joe... I-I don't know what to say..." whispered Lily.

"Say nothing," said Joe, "Just come with me. This will be fun!"

"It will be more than fun, it will be amazing!" said Lily, spinning round on the spot. Joe smiled. Then their thoughts were interupted by the sound of a large helicopter, slowly descending from above them.

"It's time, you two. Any words for your brother, Joe?" announced the Organizer.

"Yes," smiled Joe, looking Josh straight in the eye, "You lose, bro. See ya around."

The audience cheered as the two young trainers climbed into the helicopter. It started rising slowly, and then flew off into the distance...


Joe woke, to see a small brown and white animal peering into his face. He jumped. So did the animal. Then he remembered. This was Lily's Linoone!

"Hello, little fellow!" said Joe, but Linoone simply ran away. Joe looked up and saw Lily staring down at him.

"Something happened. The ship broke down..." she explained. "It's ok, but we have to get off the ship for a bit. It will give us some fresh air, anyway.

"Just my luck..." muttered Joe. But he didn't know how right he actually was. "Oh well, where are we anyway?"

"The captain said we are in," Lily racked her brains as she tried to remember excatly what the captain had said, "Route 133."

So this is how Joe found himself, sitting in a small chair by the side of Route 133. he looked around him. It was beautiful. The sea was deep blue, while the sun shone down and his Houndoom lay sprawled in the shallow water beside him. It was the perfect break away from the burning heat of Cinnabar, with Lily here beside him. It couldn't get any better, unless...

"Lily!!" shouted Joe, "Look! A Horsea! In the water!"

Joe did not wait for her to wake up. He got up out of his chair, and immediately started the battle the way he had learnt at school.

"Go, Hund!"

Houndoom sprung into action. Awwaiting it's command, it stared donw the wild Pokemon, and there was silence, almost like the whole of nature was watching the battle that was about to unfold.

"Houndoom, identify it with Odour Sleuth!"

The dog seemed to gain a heightened sense of smell at the command, and its eyes became wider, more alert. No way was that Horsea getting away now.

The enemy Pokemon jumped on Hund and started shooting water from its mouth! Bubbles of pure water sailed towards Houndoom and it was struck several times by its opposite element. If this was a trainer battle, Joe might have been worried, but he sensed that this Pokemon was meant for him. He would carry on fighting until it was captured.

"Hund, use Crunch!"

Houndoom jumped into the air and came crashing down, its fangs held out. The attack hit Horsea square on the chest, and the injured Pokemon fell into the water.

"Now, bring it back up!"

Houndoom dived into the water, an for several seconds, both Pokemon remained submerged. Finally, a huge burst of fire came sailing up from under the water, with Horsea stuck to the top! The water Pokemon was not finished yet though.

"Horseeeeaaaa....Hor-SEA!" It cried, as it unleashed a powerful jet of water upon its foe. Houndoom was sent flying away, and Horsea attacked it again with another powerful beam of H20.

"Come on Houndoom, weaken it with Solarbeam! We don't have time to use sunny day, but try to absorb enough energy! You can do it!"

As Houndoom started charging, Horsea seemed to power up as it performed some kind of war dance! Then it unleashed a huge tornado of power upon Hund.

"Hold on! Just a little more!"

Both Pokemon hit each other with their full power, with Horsea using the power of the waves, and Houndoom using the power of the sun. Both beams hit each other with equal force, and both Pokemon were sent flying off into the distance.

"Houndoom, come back!" said Joe. This was his chance.

Joe threw his Pokeball out into the water, and hoped. He saw Horsea become sucked inside the red and white ball, and as the ball shook, the water around the fallen Pokemon started to ripple, and ripple, and as he peered under the water, he saw the ball shake, and shake, and...



Last edited by lilbabydino; 01-03-2007 at 07:33 PM.
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Old 01-04-2007, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: The trip of a lifetime (Please Grade) =]

I have to go soon, so this grade will be short ... I may edit it later.

Story: Very interesting. You battle in a tournament, win a cruise to Hoenn and then encounter a wild Horsea, which leads to you battling it. Of course, tournaments have been done hundreds of times before, but this was entertaining enough to keep it interesting. Making Lance have a son who turns out to be one of the opponents was pretty cool, also.

Grammar/Spelling: No problems here, as far as I can see. I saw some comma errors (usually with things like 'its' and 'it's'), but it's nothing major. Good job with this section.

Detail/Description: There was a good amount in the first post, but then it seemed to decline ... you still had good description in the other posts (the tournament battles were great), but just not as much. Keep in mind that if you go for rarer Pokemon, you will need enough description to make it a successful story. What you had was sufficient enough, and I liked reading through this story because of it, but I wouldn't have minded seeing more, even with minor things like the way a tree looks, or something. Details are important for any good story.

Length: Wow, this seems like more than enough for a little Horsea! You get perfect marks in this section as well.

Battle: I didn't know Corsola could explode.

One of the best parts of this story. The tournament battles were exciting and unexpected (Houndoom beating a Gyarados?), and the capture battle against Horsea was also good, although I feel it could have been expanded on, since Houndoom has a slight disadvantage. Otherwise, your attack choices and dialogue for these were clever, and I can say this is enough for the little seahorse.

Outcome: Horsea Captured! Good job.
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Old 01-04-2007, 05:06 PM
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Default Re: The trip of a lifetime (Please Grade) =]

Thanks Megumi, I'll make sure to use the tips you gave me for next time

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