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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 12-08-2006, 01:45 PM
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Default Searching out the Unown

Chapter one- Elekid emergency: The mysterious and unown(Hint hint) power of friendship

My Pale brown hair whipped across my cheeks, which were raw and pink from the cold breeze. My icy blue eyes scanned the tall, forbidding grass, spring green speckled with white sunlight.

“Rhyy-yhhh” squeaked my little baby Rhyhorn, Rhyhan, It’s deep, sparkling Brown eyes connecting with mine. It looked hungry.

How could you say no to that tiny critter?

“Would you like stew, Rhyhan?”

“Rhy. Hor.”

So, I found myself unpacking right there, and taking out a large copper pot and some ingredients: Mushrooms to steam, onions to peel and fry, Garlic to mince, bits of pork to grill…
As I was unpacking the fold-up Grill-n’-oven, I thought about how this journey had started. Just a week ago, though it seemed an eternity, I had left my home in Lavaridge Town to get this Rhyhorn and start collecting Pokemon to raise, battle with, and enter in Pokemon contests. That was my 11th birthday. I was on a journey for a variety of reasons, but mostly to be a top Pokemon watcher, breeder and coordinator. Earning badges topped that off.

By the time the stew was ready, I was starving. Rhyhorn and I ate in silence. The creek beside us flowed gently.

I pulled myself up and put our canteen in the creek, to fill it. But, the rocks were slippery. I fell in.

It was much deeper then I would have thought. The surface of the water hit me hard, and all the air was knocked out of me. I was stiff, and felt hazy.

Then, everything stopped. A blinding purple light surrounded me, and then…
I was in a dark place. The rocky ground under me felt cold and tough. I could hear water dripping somewhere.

Then, as my eyes adjusted, I could see my Rhyhorn, and many creatures that looked like they belonged in alphabet soup. Unown!

“HELLO” they spelled.

“You are.. the Unown?”

“YES, WE ARE. WE SAVED YOU.”

“Thanks.”
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Last edited by Hakken; 12-08-2006 at 03:47 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12-08-2006, 01:46 PM
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Default Re: The unown love within

“NOT A PROBLEM. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WISH OF US BEFORE WE GO?”

“Yes, actually… Would you… battle?”

“NO. BUT WE CAN GET SOME OTHER POKEMON TO. IF YOU MANAGE TO CATCH ONE OF THEM, SEEK US OUT. THEN WE WILL BATTLE YOU.”

“Ok.”

“GOOD. WE WILL HEAL YOUR POKEMON AFTER THE BATTLE. GO”

Then, it started. I was in a lit, cleaned, and colorful battle arena.

“IN THIS ARENA YOUR POKEMON CAN TALK TO YOU. YOU BATTLE AN ELEKID. BEGIN!”

“Go, Rhyhan!”

“R-R-Rhy!” [Yes! A battle!]

“Rhyhan, Try a Megahorn!”

It lurched itself at the little yellow critter in front of us, horn glowing a bright white light.

Elekid screeched out in pain, then sending a sizzling Thunderbolt at Rhyhan. A critical hit, but not a very effective one, due to that rhyhan was a rock/ground type. It landed on it’s feet.

“Rhyhorn rhy” [Can I try on my own?]

I nodded slowly.

Rhyhan stomped the ground. STOMP. Ripples of power flowed through the earth’s surface. Elekid stumbled as the Earthquake hit it, and Then fired a crackling-hot Thunderpunch at Rhyhan, who was knocked over but okay to keep going.

That’s when it got strange. Suddenly, we were not in an arena- we were on a beach. On a cliff that was on a beach. A rocky beach with rough, churning waves a story or two below us.

There were two things Rhyhan hated most. Hights and water.

Oh no.

Elekid fired a tackle at the paralyzed Rhyhan. Who fell, tumbling into the ocean waters below.
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Old 12-08-2006, 01:46 PM
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Default Re: The unown love within

I could feel hot tears welling up inside of me. Elekid, apparently, felt guilty.

“Bee bee beee bee beeet.” [This was… n-not my intention… I swear…]

“It’s okay” I said, with a small tear.

“Be bee beee beet.” [I’ll help you find it.]

“Thank you… so much.” I said before I collapsed and began to cry into my sleeve.

“R- rhy!” I heard something.

“Rhyhorn!” I didn’t believe what I heard. I suppose it’s true that you don’t know exactly how much you care about someone until they’re gone. But Rhyhorn wasn’t gone. Oh, my Rhyhan.

I gathered the courage to start climbing down the rocks. I gripped to the smooth, slippery surface as best I could. I could hear the wind, howling like a vacuum. It shook me, But I managed to stay on the rocks. The next few minutes were some of the most difficult I had ever experienced in my 11 years of living- They seemed to stretch, to last an eternity. The wind, the water, the rocks, the death below. But I made it. It was Rhyhan. I did it for Rhyhan.

Finally, I made it to Rhyhan. Little did I know, Elekid had followed me down the cliff. Rhyhan was wedged in the sand just below the shore. He was submerged. The truth hit me that he could not breathe under there. I had to do something. Now.

I ran to him and tried to gently to coax him out, but he was stuck quite badly. Tug, tug. Pull, push. Nothing. I knew he was dying.

Then, Elekid pulled with me. Slowly, Rhyhan’s gray, stony body was removed from the water. I picked him up. After all, he was only a baby.

He was still breating. Weakly, He shivered. He was gasping. I needed to find a pokemon center. Somewhere. But where?

Then, we were there. In front of a Pokemon center. I didn’t know how. But I guessed it was an unown thing. I ran in.

“My, my!” Said Nurse Joy when she saw us. Chansey was there almost instantly with a stretcher, and then the stretcher with Rhyhan went into the emergency room. I was exhausted. I Fell into a deep sleep.

When I was awakened by Nurse Joy, she had a strong and healthy Rhyhan in her arms.

I had never been so happy ever before.
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Old 12-08-2006, 01:47 PM
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Default Re: The unown love within

Then, there was a knocking on the door. Elekid!

“Bee beet!” [Battle now!]

I nodded.
Rhyhan smiled.

The battle was on.

Rhyhan used a strong Megahorn- Elekid countered with a Tackle. Lurching itself forward, it collided with Rhyhan’s Take down. As the two fought, They had paralyzed each other. Slam. Tackle. Megahorn. Thunderpunch. It was a true battle.

Then, Rhyhan launched an Earthquake attack like no other. The ground started crumbling as a fissure opened up. Rhyhan tackled Elekid to save it- and I fired a shiny, Red and white orb at it. A pokeball.

“You’re mine!” I called to it.
The ball shook violently, Flasing and beeping.
Once… Twice…

[chapter 2 coming. hope you like it!]
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Last edited by Hakken; 12-10-2006 at 05:20 PM.
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  #5  
Old 12-10-2006, 05:19 PM
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Default Re: The unown love within

Ready for grade, my first story!
(This is my 200th post!)
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Last edited by Hakken; 12-10-2006 at 05:54 PM.
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  #6  
Old 12-10-2006, 09:46 PM
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Default Re: The Unown Love within (Ready for grade)

Length: About in the middle of 5k-10k, so it's good.

Plot: It could use some touching up, but other than that, its passable. Although, I found it to be quite short and unsatisfying.

Battle: Short, even though there is an obvious type advantage, more description and attacks would be good.

Description: Not too good, but not too bad. Maybe try using more vivid words like sprinted instead of ran, stuff like that.

Grammar: The main thing I noticed was you forgetting to capitalize all names. Besides that, there isn't much that Microsoft Word wouldn't catch.

Final Cut:
Battle...passable
Description...Passable
Plot...Passable
Length...Passable
Elekid...What the heck?

Crystal Eon Guardian caught an Elekid!

Simply work out a few kinks next time so you can score higher.
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Last edited by Nasty Plasty; 12-11-2006 at 02:43 PM.
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