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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 04-03-2007, 11:51 PM
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Default Ben the Poké-Photographer Saga

Episode 1: Spring Stealing
GRADED


The weight of the large camera pulled at the thick strap around Ben's neck, causing a bit of pain as he stealthily climbed up a weed-covered hill. He pushed his somewhat-long brown hair off his forehead and wiped away some perspiration that had gathered there. When he reached the top of the hill, he sat down and rested against a great large tree. He then slipped his camera out of his back-pack and flipped through the pictures he had recently taken.

“I couldn’t have picked a better day,” Ben sighed contently as he listened to the chirps of the Taillow and the far off buzzing of the Beedrill. “Sounds like spring has sprung,” he whispered to himself.

"Odd oddiiiiish!" A high-pitched voice suddenly rang into Ben's ears above the chirping and buzzing. He quickly dropped down to his knees and scanned the small clearing below. A tiny Oddish was dancing around cheerily amongst the beautiful, newly grown spring flowers. Ben popped the lens cap off his camera and then moved the eye-piece silently up to his dark brown eye. He pulled the tiny switch on the top of the camera causing it to whir lightly as it zoomed in closer to the unaware blue Pokémon. He slowly clicked the button down a few times, capturing the Oddish in a mid-air twirl above the red and yellow flowers below. Ben then pulled the camera away to check his work on the small screen.

"Hmm... not bad. Just a few more..." he thought to himself.

"ODDDDDD!" A scream interrupted his thought and his eyes quickly shot down to the clearing. An ominous looking man, with a black mask on, had tossed a large net over the Oddish and was now dragging it across the flowering field harshly.

“Stop!” Ben shouted furiously as he slid down the other side of the hill and into the clearing. The man halted immediately and turned to see where the command had come from.

“This is none of your business young man,” The gruff man’s voice shouted over toward Ben. “If you leave now I’ll pretend I never saw you.”

“Terre, come on out!” Ben shouted angrily as he tossed a Pokéball from his belt to the soft, lush grass. A bright light engulfed the ball as soon as it hit the ground. It then flew back into Ben’s hand. The light hastily faded revealing a small ferocious looking orange-brown Pokémon.

“Trap… innnnch,” Ben’s Trapinch, Terre, yawned as he looked around, wondering why he had been rudely awakened.

“Stupid move, boy,” the man said reaching at his own belt for two Pokéballs. He then threw them both to the ground, revealing a very angry looking Cubone and a mischievous looking Poochyena.

“Crud…” Ben mumbled under his breath. “Terre use Dig!” he then shouted determinedly. The Trapinch hopped into the air, and then dove headfirst into the ground, chewing a large hole with his massive jaws as he sunk in and disappeared.

“Cubone, use Bonemerang on this idiot! And Poochyena take out his legs with a tackle!” The man shouted with a sly grin on his shady face.

“Terre, help!” Ben cried as the Cubone’s bone was sent soaring directly at him, alongside the sinister looking Poochyena. Terre jumped out of the ground a few feet from where it had gone under, but it was too late, Ben was pounded by both attacks and sent hurdling onto his back. He then blacked out.

“Bulba…saur saur…” A raspy voice rang into Ben’s ears as he came back to consciousness about twenty minutes later.

“Ughh… what kind of a low-life uses Pokémon to attack humans…” Ben groaned, rubbing the newly forming bruise on his chest. “Terre, are you okay?” Ben asked nervously as he realized he had left the Pokémon alone when he was knocked out.

“Terre?” Ben asked sitting up quickly. “You’re not Terre,” he said aloud looking at the Bulbasaur that had awakened him. Ben quickly scanned the clearing for his large-jawed ally. “That man must’ve taken him…” he let out, grinding his teeth in rage.

“Sauuur…” The Bulbasaur whined, staring sadly up at Ben.

“What’s wrong… and where did you come from?” Ben asked, slightly surprised by the wild Bulbasaur’s bold manner, fearlessly coming up to him.

“Saur…bulba saur…” the Bulbasaur tilted his head toward the trotted-upon grass where the net that contained the Oddish had been dragged.

“He left a trail!” Ben exclaimed excitedly. “But why are you helping me?” Ben confusedly asked the Bulbasaur. “Was… was that Oddish your friend?”

“Bulba bulba!” The Bulbasaur nodded vigorously with a determined look in his great blue eyes.

“Alright then, let’s go get your friend back… and my Terre…” Ben replied. His own eyes were now filled with determination, and he hoisted himself up to his feet.

Ben and the wild Bulbasaur jogged along the grassy trail, trying to catch up with the Poké-thief. They crossed into a deep forest, with buds growing on all the awakening trees.

“Bulba… saurrrrrr!” The Bulbasaur suddenly growled. Ben looked over to see what the matter was. The Bulbasaur was sniffing around the trunk of a very large tree. Ben walked over and noticed food wrappers and the remains of a small fire.

“There’s still some embers in this fire… they mustn’t have gotten far.” Ben said to the Bulbasaur, his hopes were now raised.

The two continued to follow the drag marks that the net had made. They then heard some rustling about twenty feet ahead.

“Get in there you stupid thing!” A man’s voice called out.

“Wait!” Ben whispered to the Bulbasaur as it was about to run off toward the shouting. Ben slipped his camera out of his back-pack and looked through the eye-piece. He then pulled the zoom switch once again.

“It’s him…” Ben began, “he’s shoving my Trapinch into a metal cage… and Oddish is still stuck in that net.” Bulbasaur had heard enough, he once again began to take off toward the man. “Wait wait!” Ben insisted. “His Pokémon are strong, we have a better chance of getting Terre and Oddish back if we go around and surprise him.” Bulbasaur nodded in agreement.

“Okay, he’s sitting up against a tree and using a Pokénav to call someone. Let’s go around and make our move now,” Ben instructed, before turning his camera off and sliding it back into its case.

After Ben and Bulbasaur had quietly moved around behind the thief, Ben began to whisper a plan to his makeshift partner. “Can you do a Razor Leaf attack Bulbasaur?” He questioned. The Bulbasaur nodded proudly. “Alright, when I say, you Razor Leaf the net to free your friend and then hurry out of here while I grab the cage and distract that Poké-thief.”

“…yeah I got an Oddish and some idiot kids’ Trapinch!” The man chuckled into his Pokénav. “I’ll be back to the cabin in about fifteen to twenty minutes…”

“Now!” Ben shouted as he began to run for the cage.

“Bulba!” Bulbasaur roared, leaping into the air and firing razor-sharp leaves into the net, snapping the cords with ease. The Oddish happily climbed out and ran behind his bulb-backed buddy. “Bulba bulba!” Bulbasaur instructed the small, blue weed Pokémon of the plan quickly. The two began to hurry off.

Ben grabbed the cage from the man and was beginning to retreat back into the forest when he heard the two Pokéballs hit the soft, muddy ground.

“Poochyena, bite attack now!” The man cried furiously. Ben rolled to the left dodging the black wolf’s first attack. He then scrambled to his feet and continued his attempt to escape with Terre.

“Again!” The man yelled with even more rage in his voice. This time the Poochyena leaped up and bit firmly onto Ben’s arm. Ben cried out in pain as Terre’s cage fell to the ground.

“Get off me!” Ben shouted, shaking his arm back and forth with all his might.

“Alright, make sure this fool doesn’t follow us again Cubone! Bonemerang... and aim for his head this time!” The man grinned maniacally.

Ben’s terrified glance shot over to the angry looking Cubone, who launched an arch-shaped bone from his hand directly at Ben’s face. Ben closed his eyes, preparing for the worst. A loud crack rang throughout the woods. Ben opened his eyes to see that the Bulbasaur had returned and used its vines to whip the bone out of the air.

The Poochyena let go of Ben’s arm and dropped to the ground, ferociously growling at the Bulbasaur. “Bulba!” Bulbasaur shouted. He then used one of his vine whips to grab the cage key off of the Poké-thief and toss it to Ben before Poochyena dove into him with a harsh take-down attack.

Ben quickly unlocked the cage, freeing Terre from his tiny prison. “Now I’m pissed…” Ben said angrily as he looked at the wounded Bulbasaur on the ground. “Terre use Sand Tomb on that filthy mutt!” Terre burrowed underground without hesitation. The Poochyena howled in fear as it suddenly began to sink into the dirt.

“Cubone, get him out of there!” The black-masked man shouted. Cubone ran over and stretched out his bone over the quicksand, pulling the sinking wolf out.

“Not so fast… Terre use Crunch on the Cubone!” Ben shouted. The mighty little Trapinch popped out of the ground inches away from the bone-wielding Pokémon and latched on to him with his powerful jaws.

“Cu!” The Cubone yelped in pain as it doubled over on the ground. The man growled angrily as he tossed a Pokéball over to retrieve his fallen monster.

“This isn’t over! Poochyena Sand-Attack!” the man bellowed. The Poochyena immediately kicked some of the quicksand up into Terre’s eyes causing him to stumble around blindly. “Now finish it with Take-Down!” The Poochyena tossed its body with full force in the direction of the temporarily blind-sighted Trapinch.

“Quick! Use Dig Terre!” Ben shouted anxiously. The Trapinch hastily burrowed beneath the surface causing the black wolf to fly right overhead and into a large tree.

“Grr… this isn’t over!” The man cried angrily as he called back his Poochyena. He then ran over and picked up the fallen Bulbasaur. “I’ll be taking this,” he snickered as he ran off into the woods.

“Bulbasaur!” Ben shouted. “We have to…” he then felt light-headed. He noticed that his arm was bleeding pretty heavily where the Poochyena had bitten him. Terre hurried over to his side and pulled a small first aid kit out of Ben’s backpack.

“Thanks Terre, but we have to stop that guy! There’s no time to get bandaged up…” Ben said weakly, as he climbed to his feet. He wobbled for a second and then fell back down. “Alright, I’ll just wrap this up to stop the bleeding, but then we have to follow him!”

“Trap in in nch,” Terre agreed.

After a quick bandage job around his arm, Ben stood up. He was still a little woozy, but began to jog after the man with nevertheless. Terre followed unwaveringly in tow. They soon came to another small clearing with a fairly large cabin.

“Shhh…” Ben whispered to Terre, still holding his arm where the bandage was wrapped. Ben and Terre crept up to the window and peered in. The Poké-thief was talking to a large burly man who looked like he was in charge of the operation. The Bulbasaur was now conscious, but he was trapped in a cage similar to the one Terre was previously stuck in.

“Hmm…” Ben pondered aloud to himself. “I’ve got an idea, Terre,” he then smirked, looking at his camera.

A few minutes later the door to the cabin burst open and both men immediately turned to see what the ruckus was. A blinding flash of light suddenly exploded from the doorway and both men shouted as they covered their eyes and grimaced.

“Terre, now!” Ben shouted to his small bear-trap-like Pokémon. Ben then clicked the flash on his camera back off and shoved it into his bag. The Trapinch flew at the Poké-thief’s belt, grabbed the key and brought it back to Ben quickly. “Good job, buddy,” Ben congratulated his Pokémon before hurrying over to Bulbasaur’s cage and unlocking it.

“Bulba saur saur!” Bulbasaur cried, thanking Ben for his effort.

“Not so fast!” The burly man called out in a furious voice. His sight was now coming back to him and he reached for a Pokéball at his waist. “Is this the kid you mentioned before, Cliff?” He asked, with the Pokéball in hand.

“…Yeah… that’s the punk that caused all this trouble Mr. Bane,” Cliff replied in an irritated voice. Mr. Bane then tossed his Pokéball to the cabin floor causing another bright light to swallow up the interior. When the light faded, a large white Pokémon, with a black face and sickle on its’ head stood in the center of the large cabin.

“Sooool,” The white Pokémon called fiercely.

“Looks like we’re going to have to battle our way out of here guys,” Ben said confidently to Terre and Bulbasaur. The two Pokémon both called back their names in agreement. “Here’re some sitrus berries to recharge your batteries,” Ben said as he tossed a berry to each of his Pokémon from his back-pack. They both respectively caught the berries and chewed them down.

“Watch-out boss, this guy’s tougher than he looks,” Cliff grumbled to Mr. Bane.

“Absol’s also stronger than your Pokémon,” Mr. Bane grinned darkly as he replied.

“Okay, Terre use Sand Tomb!” Ben shouted without wavering, “…and Bulbasaur can you do another Razor Leaf attack?”

Terre dug into the ground outside the cabin and disappeared. Bulbasaur vaulted into the air and sent razor sharp leaves out from beneath the bulb on his back, directly at the Absol.

“Absol, use double team!” The burly man commanded instantly. The white Pokémon suddenly multiplied into three. Bulbasaur’s knife-sharp leaves cut right through one of the illusionary Absols, causing it to disappear.
All of the sudden, the rotting floorboards of the large old cabin began to creek and crackle until they snapped and disappeared into quicksand below the remaining two Absols.

“Good job Terre!” Ben shouted joyously as he watched the enemy Pokémon struggle as it sunk into the thick sand.

“Absol, use quick attack to get out of there!” Mr. Bane growled angrily as Cliff mubled an “I told you so” under his breath. Absol built up energy, and then with a great burst of speed, and flurry of sand particles, the shaggy Pokémon flew out of the sand trap and landed gracefully on its feet. “Haha, good job Absol. Now use slash on that wretched Trapinch!” Mr. Bane commanded in a booming voice. Absol dove through the air with incredible speed and used the sickle on its head to slash Terre, sending him toppling over into the cabin wall.

“Terre! Are you alright?” Ben shouted in horror. The small Trapinch hopped back to its stubby little feet and shook off the pain, giving a quick nod to Ben.

“Absol, don’t let up! Use Razor Wind on it!” The man interrupted loudly. Absol jumped back a little and took a firm position on the cabin floor as it gathered energy.

“Don’t let it attack!” Ben cried. But before Terre could fully regain his balance the Absol leaped into the air ready to release its harsh wind-blast. However, the Pokémon suddenly stopped in mid-air, dropped back down to the floor, and looked over at the Bulbasaur, sniffing vigorously.

“Wha…” Ben started, but then he realized Bulbasaur had used his Sweet Scent attack to attract Absol’s attention. Without warning, the Absol then shook the sickle on its head creating a lightning-quick slice of air that slammed into Bulbasaur.

“They can’t keep this up… I’ve got to figure out a way to end this now,” Ben thought to himself nervously. “I’ve got it!” he then said aloud. “Bulbasaur can you hurl Trapinch at Absol with your vine whips?”

“Bulba,” Bulbasaur nodded, shaking off the last powerful attack from Absol. Vines then shot out of his bulb and tightly latched around Terre, ready to toss him into the air on Ben’s command.

“Absol, Double Team again!” Mr. Bane shouted determinedly. Absol replicated itself into three once more. “It was a good idea, just not good enough foolish young man,” he snickered.

“Haha, you’ve got this one in the bag,” Cliff chuckled.

“Alright Terre, charge up for a Hyper Beam! Bulbasaur toss him into the air now!” Ben called out. Bulbasaur immediately tossed the small orange-brown Pokémon into the air as Terre took in a deep breath. “Alright, try and hit all three of them with your beam!” Ben shouted. Mr. Bane opened his mouth to try and react with a command but was so taken aback by the unexpected commands that nothing came to mind in time. An immensely powerful white beam shot out of Terre’s great mouth as he soared through the air. He turned his head, aiming it as he flew, to hit the first Absol, the second, and then finally the last. The first two Absols vanished into thin air, but the third was pounded harshly and flew rigidly into the hard cabin wall.

Mr. Bane mumbled something angrily under his breath before calling back his Absol and informing his partner in crime that they were getting out of here.

“You haven’t seen the last of us,” Cliff cliché-ingly cried as he ran out the back door behind Mr. Bane’s large figure.

“We took care of them, didn’t we guys?” Ben said with a wide smile on his face. The two Pokémon grinned back tiredly. Ben then winced, remembering the still-bleeding wound on his arm. “Heh, now how am I going to make it to the nearest Poké-center,” he smirked weakly.

“Bulba bulba!” The Bulbasaur replied proudly.

“Too bad I can’t understand your idea…” Ben said, chuckling a bit as he took a seat against the wall.

“What is it Oddish?” A woman’s voice chimed in the cabin door. Ben turned to see who it was. The Oddish from before then entered the cabin with a young woman behind it.

“Oh my, are you alright?” She gasped at the sight of Ben’s arm.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Ben replied. “But how did you find me? Did this Oddish…” Ben continued.

“This little guy was hopping around, screaming something terrible until I started to follow him, thinking something must be wrong,” the young woman cut in. “I guess he was right,” she added with a warm smile.

“Bulba!” The Bulbasaur croaked with a wide grin.

“Did you tell Oddish to get help?” Ben asked slyly. The Bulbasaur nodded proudly. “It seems I owe this brave Bulbasaur my life,” Ben said to the young woman with another weak smile.

“Well, you can thank him after we get you to a Poké-center for some stitches,” the young woman replied.

After the young woman (who later introduced herself as Claire) had helped Ben to the Pokécenter to get fixed up, the two of them, Bulbasaur, and Oddish, sat in the large foyer relaxing from their grand adventure.

“You might want to take it easy for a little while now Ben,” Claire said, playing a bit with her long dirty-blonde hair.

“That’s fairly unlikely,” Ben replied. “I’m a Poké-Photographer. If I take a break I might miss a fantastic picture,” he smiled.

Then turning his eyes down to Bulbasaur he asked, “How can I ever repay you for all your help Bulbasaur?” “Wait,” he then added, an idea coming to his mind, “…maybe… well this is if you’d like to, you could come along with me and Terre on our journey to be the world’s best Poké-Photographer! You would always have a nice place to stay and good food to eat,” Ben pleaded.

Bulbasaur replied with a…


(I know it's short for the target Pokemon, but I thought I'd give it a try since I put a lot of effort into the writing and story. Hopefully it gets by on that because I like it the way it is [without unneeded lengthening] but let me know if it is too short. Thank you for your time, hope you liked it )
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Last edited by bjgamecreations; 04-15-2007 at 07:24 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-11-2007, 04:20 PM
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Default Re: Spring Stealing (Ben Saga 001)

All right, let's get started!

Story/Plot: More or less simple, with a Photographer hiking and taking pictures before he is attacked and robbed of his Pokémon. But it was enjoyable and full of detail, you also managed to keep it interesting and fun. Though this type of plot seems to be overused you pulled off with out a hitch, good job.

Grammar/Spelling: Awesome, I think I found one mistake that stood out at all, which was:

Quote:
Originally Posted by You
"Hmm... not bad. Just a few more..." he thought to himself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by me
"Hmm... not bad, Just a few more..." he thought to himself.
Otherwise you get a fragment, other then that everything seems to be in shape. On a side note: You use quite a few dashs and usually they seem really effective but just the same I'd watch them closely.

Detail/Description: This is one of the most important parts of the story in my opinion and reading yours I realized I'm not nearly as good as I originally thought

Seriously though, it was magnificent! Not only was just about everything in the story detailed perfectly but it didn't interrupt the actual storytelling, undoubtly this was the best part of your story by a mile. Everything flowed smoothly and overall I'm not sure what to give you in terms of feedback here.

Length: Not nearly as short as you seem to indicate, with spaces you round out at about 19,000 which is fine in my opinion for this particular Pokémon.

Battle: Seemed a little short to me but I usually try to make mine some epic encounter so don't worry about it. As far as the actual battle and the moves used it was pretty good I'd say, the only thin I'd seriously advise is that you either use Dig a little less or make the battles longer so you have time to use a bigger move pool. Reason I say this is Dig seemed to play a crucial part in the battles and I don't want to take that away from you. Planning wise you got this down pat, nothing really long so good job.

Outcome: Little Plant like creature... captured! awesome job in all areas, your right it was a little short but it was minor in terms of characters needed, also I don't look at length very much when grading but some graders do so watch out. As for everything else, the story was very good; the detail was off the charts and overall magnificent job, keep up the good work!

~Isaiah
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Last edited by SiberianTiger; 04-11-2007 at 07:01 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-11-2007, 07:06 PM
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Default Re: Spring Stealing (Ben Saga 001)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SiberianTiger View Post


Outcome: Little Plant like creature... captured! awesome job in all areas, your right it was a little short but it was minor in terms of characters needed, also I don't look at length very much when grading but some graders do so watch out. As for everything else, the story was very good; the detail was off the charts and overall magnificent job, keep up the good work!

~Isaiah
Thanks a ton! Yeah I actually didn't realize that battling was one of the major grading areas until after I had written the whole thing :P I'll try to make them more diverse from now on. And I thought character count was without spaces which is why I made a big deal of the length. Anyway thanks again, I really appreciate it and I'll start working on my next story, which I'm aiming to be heavier on plot... or at least a bit more unique.

~Ben

EDIT: Sorry if the thread title change is slightly confusing. I decided I'll just continue my saga in this thread to save space and make it easier.
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Last edited by bjgamecreations; 04-11-2007 at 07:23 PM.
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Old 04-15-2007, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: Ben the Poké-Photographer Saga (working on...)

Episode 2: The Barn of Skulls
GRADED

(When we last left Ben the Poké-Photographer, he had met up with a Poké-thief who kidnapped his Trapinch, Terre. Luckily, a wild Bulbasaur aided Ben in saving Terre. The brave Bulbasaur was then kidnapped by the relentless thief, but Ben eventually foiled his dark scheme. In the midst of battle, Ben was wounded, alongside his Trapinch and the wild Bulbasaur. A young woman named Claire came to the rescue, and brought the three of them to a nearby Poké-Center where they obtained medical attention. We left off with Ben, Claire and the three Pokémon (Trapinch, Bulbasaur, and an Oddish that Claire had followed to the danger) sitting in the foyer of the Poké-Center...)

Ben turned his eyes down to Bulbasaur and asked, “How can I ever repay you for all your help Bulbasaur?” “Wait,” he then added, an idea coming to his mind, “…maybe… well this is if you’d like to, you could come along with me and Terre on our journey to be the world’s best Poké-Photographer! You would always have a nice place to stay and good food to eat,” Ben pleaded.

Bulbasaur excitedly shook its large spotted head up and down, and croaked a loud "Bulba!" in reply.

“Awesome,” Ben cheered happily. “Now, Bulbasaur, would you like a name like Terre here?” He then questioned the greenish-blue little plant-monster. Terre stood up taller, proud of the name bestowed upon him. Seeing the content-look on Trapinch’s face, Bulbasaur nodded to Ben again.

“How about Bromley?” Claire chimed in. Bulbasaur’s Oddish friend was now comfortably seated on her lap.

Ben chuckled slightly. “Where did you come up with that?” he then asked.

“It’s an old English word for a brush-covered meadow,” Claire replied. “I guess I haven’t told you that I’m a Poké-journalist yet have I?” she added at the sight of Ben’s confused look.

“Wow, what exactly does that entail?” Ben asked, taken aback by this unexpected tidbit of information.

“Well I mostly do freelance,” Claire began. “I go from town to town writing short articles on Pokémon-related events I happen to come across, and then I sell them to local newspapers to get published.”

“That’s aweso…” Ben began to reply but was cut off by a somewhat loud grunt from Bulbasaur. “Oh, sorry Bulbasaur. So do you like the name Bromley?” Bulbasaur nodded a third time.

“Oood ish ish!” The wild Oddish, and friend of Bulbasaur’s, suddenly sang out.
“What is it Oddish?” Claire asked as she glanced down at the blue weed Pokémon. Oddish sadly looked over at Ben’s new Bulbasaur, Bromley. Claire realized what the Oddish was whining about. “Oh, you’re going to miss your friend aren’t you?” she said solemnly.

Before anyone could say another word, a young teenager came bursting through the Pokémon Center doors carrying a badly wounded Torchic in his arms.

“Somebody help!” the teenager cried loudly. A couple of nurses from the Pokémon Center rushed over to see what the matter was. “My Torchic, it was attacked by a ghost!”

“Calm down honey,” the nurse replied assuredly. “We’ll take care of your Torchic. Please have a seat in the foyer with the other trainers,” the nurse said in a soothing voice, before carrying the small orange bird off to an emergency room.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked the young trainer as he took a seat near them.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just hope my Torchic will be alright,” the trainer replied glumly, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Claire responded with a warming smile. “What exactly happened?” she then asked.

“Well, Torchic and I decided to check out that run-down barn, about a mile from here, for wild Pokémon. A little while after we entered, this floating skull thing suddenly flew through the barn wall. Before I could get a good look at it, a large bone soared right out of a haystack and knocked Torchic unconscious! After that I didn’t waste a second getting the heck out of there with poor Torchic in my arms,” the teenager exclaimed, recounting his frightening ordeal.

“Hmm… maybe we should check it out,” Claire said to Ben. “It sounds like an article and a half to me.”

“Maybe some great photos too,” Ben added in agreement, making sure his camera battery still had some juice left.

“Odd iissh,” Oddish cried, interrupting Ben and Claire’s excitement.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you,” Claire responded to the whining. “Would you like to come along with us, little guy?” she then queried to the small weed-like creature. Oddish began to jump up and down joyously with chirps of excitement. Claire and Ben chuckled at the sight.

“Alright then, let’s get going,” Ben said as he began to walk toward the door. Before he reached it, however, he stopped abruptly and turned around. “Umm, where is this old barn?” he asked the teenager abashedly.

“Oh, it’s about a ten minute walk on the path that goes left when you exit the Poké-Center,” the teenager replied. “If you find out what the heck it was let me know, okay?”

“Will do,” Claire responded with a quick wave and one last smile before turning and leaving behind Ben.

“So what do you think it could be?” Ben pondered after the group had walked about five minutes down the path.

“Well, the only thing that I know of that can float through walls are ghost-type Pokémon,” Claire replied, deep in thought. “But I’ve never heard of any that throw bones at defenseless trainers.”

“Yeah it does seem weird,” Ben replied.

“Bulba!” Bromley shouted suddenly. Ben and Claire then noticed a trainer running toward them on the path with something held in her arms.

“You’ve got to help my poor Mudkip!” the girl cried, as she reached Ben and Claire. “I found this spooky old barn and, well, I don’t know exactly what happened but my Mudkip was knocked out by a bone or something!” she spoke incredibly fast and anxiously.

Ben and Claire glanced at each other worryingly, but also excitedly, before Ben said, “Don’t worry, there’s a Pokémon Center about five minutes from here, just follow this path.”

“Thank you,” the girl replied quickly, before jogging off towards the Poké-Center.

Ben, and the rest of the gang, then picked up their pace, restless to see what all of this ruckus could be about. When they finally approached the worn-out old barn, Ben stopped and slid his camera out of his backpack. He snapped a few pictures of the barn before sliding the camera back in and continuing.

The barn was very large and well built. It would have been a wondrous sight to see if its maroon-colored paint was not chipping off in all areas. The grand front doors were also rotted and close to falling off.

“I wonder whose barn this was,” Claire pondered aloud to the rest of the group.

“I don’t know, but we’d better be careful, those beams look like they’ve seen their fair amount of rot and damage,” Ben responded, staring up at the ceiling as they entered the foreboding building.

The inside of the barn seemed worse than the outside. There were various plants and mushrooms growing up everywhere, and although some light filtered in through holes in the ceiling, thick vines had grown over most of the barn’s windows.

All of the sudden, an odd sort of moaning sound reverberated throughout the building. Before Ben or Claire could comment, the skull that the Torchic trainer had mentioned came flying right through one of the barn’s walls.

“Look out!” Ben shouted. He saw a nearby haystack shake slightly and remembered the second part of the trainer’s brief tale. Claire, however, was trying to get a better look at the floating skull as it flew in and out of the barn. Before she could realize that a bone had been launched from the nearby haystack, Ben pushed her out of the way and took the bone right into his side, sending him soaring backward.

Luckily, Ben and Claire both landed on some of the soft plant-life growing amongst the earthy floor.

“Are you alright?” Claire shouted over to Ben, with a hint of panic in her voice.

“Yeah,” Ben replied. Attempting to pull himself to his feet, he then placed his hand on what he assumed would be the ground beside him. Instead of ground, though, he felt a somewhat soft piece of wood. Glancing down at his hand he saw two large cellar doors.

“Down here everyone!” Ben shouted, opening the wooden doors after climbing to his feet. Avoiding the bone and skull that were whipping around the room, Claire and the Pokémon rushed over, and climbed down into the cellar. Ben quickly followed and tightly closed the doors above them.

“I can’t see a thing,” Claire whispered anxiously.

“Just a sec,” Ben replied. There were some shuffling noises and then the room lit dimly. Ben had pulled out his camera and turned it on, causing the small LCD screen to light up the damp, dark room.

“What is this place,” Claire once again pondered aloud. “Hey, I think there’s a desk over there,” she added, spotting something in the corner of the room. The gang stumbled over toward the desk and began to look it over. There was a dust-covered notebook placed upon it. Ben set his camera on the desk and opened the book. He then slowly began to skim through the pages out loud.

“Although I am growing old and I don’t seem to be as limber as I used to be, I still am managing to get my glorious barn built with the two new Pokémon I have acquired. Yes, although they might seem ominous looking, Nyx and Erebus have aided me greatly in my work,” Ben read before flipping a few pages and beginning to read another part. “When my last barn was destroyed by a tornado, I had all but lost hope. The sale of that barn was going to put enough cash in my pocket to go into retirement, so I could live my last days in peace. Now hope has once again swelled in my heart as Nyx, Erebus, and I are near completion on this new barn, and I must say that if it were not for my ability to work with my skillful hands I would be a poor man,” Ben paused again and glanced over at Claire briefly before flipping to the end of the notebook.

“As my arthritis-stricken fingers grow weak, I painfully write that my family has all passed before me and now even the buyer of my barn has changed his mind. This would be a sorrowful ending to a sad life if not for this gorgeous barn I now call my home and my loyal Pokémon, Nyx and Erebus. If anyone happens to find this notebook, please take care of my two helpers, friends, and guardians. Do not let them dwell in my passing,” Ben finished reading and then closed the notebook gravely. “That’s all there is,” he added, “It’s signed by an Edgar Reynolds and dated about three or four years ago.”

“Wow,” Claire said, wiping a tear from her eye. “So that Pokémon that attacked us was actually two Pokémon and they’re just guarding the only home they’ve known.”

“We can’t leave them here,” Ben said determinedly. “It was this man, this Edgar Reynolds’, dying wish that his Pokémon be well looked after. I’m going back up there.”
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  #5  
Old 04-15-2007, 06:03 PM
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Default Re: Ben the Poké-Photographer Saga (working on...)

Without further conversation, or a disapproving word from Claire, Ben climbed the small ladder out of the room and pushed the cellar doors open.

“Nyx! Erebus!” he shouted. “I know what’s happened here and how you must feel alone.” A bone suddenly flew from the haystack once more, narrowly missing Ben’s face.

“Be like that if you will, but I’m not going to let you two dwell here in your own sorrow!” Ben shouted.

“Bromley, use Sweet Scent!” Ben then called to his bulb-backed buddy. The Bulbasaur leaped up from the cellar and landed in front of Ben with a soft thud. He then shook the bulb on his back vigorously, releasing an alluring odor than no Pokémon could resist (Claire even had to hold back Oddish from escaping up into the barn).

The haystack shook a little before a small brown Pokémon leaped out. It had the bone it had been throwing clenched tightly in its hand, and a slightly cracked skull placed upon its head like a helmet.

“Cu… cu cu,” the brown Pokémon said angrily as it sniffed about the air.

All of a sudden, the skull that had been floating around the barn appeared next to the Cubone. Slowly a gray body appeared behind it.

“Dusk… skuuuuull,” it cried loudly, also in anger.

“You two must be Nyx and Erebus,” Ben began, but the instant he mentioned the names the Pokémon attacked in rage. Cubone hurled its bone once more toward Ben, and the Duskull flew at Bromley.

Ben managed to barely dodge the bone once more and Bromley leapt to the side, avoiding the skull-faced ghost-Pokémon.

“Alright then, if it’s going to be like that, then it’s the only way! Bromley use razor leaf!” Ben commanded. As the small greenish-blue Pokémon whipped razor-sharp leaves from the bulb on his back, Ben motioned for Claire to help Terre out of the cellar. Ben then saw that as hard as he tried, Bromley couldn’t seem to hit either Pokémon with his leaves. Cubone was repeatedly deflecting the leaves away with his bone club and Duskull was floating in and out of the rafters above.

“Alright Bromley, take a breather. Looks like we need a better plan of attack,” Ben said. “Terre use crunch on that Cubone!”

The small, large-jawed, Pokémon dove straight at the Cubone, but just as he was about to hit it, the Duskull flew down from the rafters and lifted its friend into the air. Unable to stop his momentum, Terre smashed into the barn wall face-first.

“Terre!” Ben cried, he then mumbled under his breath in frustration. “Bromley, Terre, it looks like we’re going to have to work together to beat them!”

Without warning, the Cubone began to toss its bone club down at Bromley and Terre as the Duskull carried it around through the air.

Ben, grinding his teeth, thought anxiously about how he might beat the seemingly invincible duo. “I’ve got it! Terre, wait for the next attack and then try to catch the bone in your teeth!”

Cubone, carried by the Duskull, dropped in like a fighter pilot and launched its bone right at Terre. Instead of jumping out of the way, Terre hopped up right at the bone and caught it in his mighty jaws.

“Great job! Now razor leaf again Bromley!” Ben shouted. The Bulbasaur immediately began to fire leaves from his bulb again. Without its bone club for defense Cubone was hit, along with Duskull, and the two Pokémon tumbled down to the ground.

Further angered, Duskull rose into the air and fired a multi-colored ray down at Terre.

“What was that?!” Ben shouted worriedly.

“I think it was a confuse ray,” Claire responded, peeking out of the cellar opening. She was rapidly jotting down things on a small notebook.

Terre began to run around aimlessly, attempting to attack anything and everything that crossed his path, including Bromley.

“This is not good. Terre, snap out of it!” Ben shouted. Terre continued to nip at everything in his sight. “I guess I have no choice… Bromley, use Sleep Powder on Terre!” Ben commanded. The Bulbasaur reluctantly produced a powder from his bulb that almost instantly knocked Terre into a deep sleep. The Duskull then suddenly lifted the sleeping Trapinch into the air. It floated higher and higher until it had reached the ceiling.

“Crud! Bromley wake up Terre with vine whip! Not too hard though!” Ben commanded hesitantly. Two thick vines shot from Bromley and slapped Terre just hardly enough to wake him.

“Quick, use faint attack Terre before it drops you!” Ben cried anxiously. The tiny brown Pokémon vanished quickly and immediately appeared behind the unsuspecting gray ghost. “Now, put all your power into a crunch attack!” Ben commanded. Terre opened his jaws wide and the crunched down on the back of the skull-faced specter.

“Skull!” the skull-faced ghost howled in pain before shaking the Trapinch off.

“Bromley, catch Terre with your vines!” Ben then ordered as Terre fell from the ceiling, alongside the heavily wounded Duskull. Bromley once again shot out his thick green vines and wrapped them tightly around Terre, slowly bringing him to the ground. Shortly after, Duskull hit the hard earth with a thud and was knocked unconscious. At the sight of this, Cubone became enraged.

“Cuuuuuuu!” the skull-headed Pokemon wailed, fire rising in its eyes as it stared at its fallen comrade. It then ran over, picked up its bone club from where Terre had dropped it, and began swinging it around wildly without hesitation.

“We have to end its flailing about somehow!” Ben cried. “I’ve got it! Terre, use sand tomb and stop it in its tracks!”

Terre hopped up and then dove into the ground. The hard earth beneath Cubone’s feet became soft, and the furious Pokémon began to sink slowly, still flailing about wildly as it sunk. Terre then hopped back out of the earth a few feet away.

“Good job, Terre!” Ben called out. Terre stood tall and proud but was suddenly
struck by Cubone’s bone club which flew back into the sinking Pokemon’s hand.
“Terre!” Ben cried worriedly. The small brown Pokémon didn’t move at all. “Alright buddy, come on back,” Ben then said, tossing a Pokéball to his fallen Trapinch. Terre’s unconscious body was engulfed in a bright light and then disappeared into the red and white ball, which flew back into Ben’s hand.

“We have to end this quickly!” Ben cried to Bromley as he ducked down, dodging another furious toss of Cubone’s bone-club. Ben’s panicked eyes searched around the room frantically for an idea. He then noticed one of the bright sunbeams shining down from the holed barn roof.

“That’s it! Bromley, use that sunbeam to charge up a solar beam attack!” Ben cried. The determined Bulbasaur hopped over into the sun and firmly planted his feet on the ground as he charged the powerful attack. The bulb on Bromley’s back began to glow and he then tilted his body upward to aim his back at the Cubone, who had now nearly managed to climb out of the sinking sand.

“Look out!” Ben suddenly shouted anxiously as he saw Cubone tear across the room and position his body for a full out double-edge attack. Just as the Cubone came within inches of the defenseless Bulbasaur, a devastating white beam shot from Bromley’s bulb and pounded into Cubone’s chest, sending him soaring backward into a haystack.

“Great job Bromley! Come on back,” Ben then said, tossing a second Pokéball to his tuckered out Bulbasaur. The ball engulfed the bulb-backed Pokémon and returned to Ben’s hand just as Terre’s ball had before it.

Ben then ran over to the haystack that the Cubone was lying up against. “Are you alright?” he asked nervously.

“Cu…” the Pokemon turned its head away angrily. It knew it was too weak to continue fighting but its rage had not yet died out.

“Look, I’m sorry for hurting you and your friend, I wish I didn’t have to,” Ben began honestly. “…but you left me no choice. I know about your master, Edgar, I know how he loved you, but you can’t live out the rest of your life in sorrow and pity.” The fire died from Cubone’s eyes and tears soon appeared instead.

“Bone!” it shouted stubbornly as it hit Ben in the chest with the last of its energy. Ben winced in pain but then tightly wrapped his arms around the small brown Pokémon refusing to let it push him away.

“Look Cubone, your friend is alright,” Claire then said, carrying the Duskull over to Ben and the Cubone.

“Dusk, skull skull,” the skull-faced ghost had its eyes open and spoke in a reassuring voice to Cubone.

Ben broke from his embrace with Cubone and said, “I know I can’t replace Edgar, nobody can or ever will, but his dying wish is that you two not live out your lives alone, pining for him.” At this Cubone hung its head sadly and more tears dropped to the ground from behind its skull helmet.

“Here, I’m going to give you both some berries that will heal your wounds from our battle and then you can decide whether you want to live out your life in the past or come with us and live out your life how Edgar would have wanted you to,” Ben said, rooting around in his backpack and pulling out a couple of Sitrus berries. He then handed two to each skull-faced Pokémon. Slowly he got up and motioned for Claire and Oddish to come with him to the barn door.

“It’s their decision now,” Ben said solemnly to Claire, “we’ve done all we can for them. We can’t force them to come; I wouldn’t want that, it has to be their choice.” Claire nodded in agreement.

“Cu,” the Cubone shouted to Ben and Claire before they exited Mr. Reynold’s barn. Ben turned around to see that Cubone and Duskull’s response was…


(Attempted Pokemon: Duskull and Cubone. Length 20,114 characters)
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Old 04-15-2007, 06:23 PM
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Default Re: Ben the Poké-Photographer Saga (Ep. 2 Ready for Grading)

Plot/story: A Pokemon photographer, and a writer. Cool. =) And a very unique way to find the Cubone and Duskull, too. Nice work with this part. This is a sufficient plot for two Complex level Pokemon.

Grammar: Nothing here stood out as being terribly wrong, so this part is good, too. Try to vary your sentence structure, though. You tend to write a sentence, then put "he said" or something like that afterwards. Try to mix it up a bit more. Also, you said "furious Pokémon began to sink slowly, still flailing about wildly as it sunk"... And used sunk in several other places. Try to use a variety of words. Maybe you could describe a Pokemon being 'sucked in' to thick sand, instead of just sinking into it?

Details: Your details painted a nice, clear picture of what was going on. A bit more about the environment would have been nice, however. Also, try to remember to use lots of sensory details in battle. What would it sound like, when Cubone was flung into the haystack? What sort of noise did the hay make as it was scattered around, or maybe crushed under him? Were the blades of hay scratchy against his skin, or did he not feel them much because they still had some moisture? What did they smell like? Fresh and grassy still, or old and dried and musty?


Overall: Duskull and Cubone Captured. Your story was sufficient, but try to remember to add more of a variety of details in future ones, particularly sensory details other than sight. ;) Your character may be a photographer, but you should include details aside from just picture-like ones in your story.


In the future don't put a grade request in your title, though. Just post in the Grade Requests Thread.
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I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 04-15-2007 at 06:37 PM.
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  #7  
Old 04-15-2007, 07:24 PM
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Default Re: Ben the Poké-Photographer Saga (Ep. 2 Ready for Grading)

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireflyK View Post
Plot/story: A Pokemon photographer, and a writer. Cool. =) And a very unique way to find the Cubone and Duskull, too. Nice work with this part. This is a sufficient plot for two Complex level Pokemon.

Grammar: Nothing here stood out as being terribly wrong, so this part is good, too. Try to vary your sentence structure, though. You tend to write a sentence, then put "he said" or something like that afterwards. Try to mix it up a bit more. Also, you said "furious Pokémon began to sink slowly, still flailing about wildly as it sunk"... And used sunk in several other places. Try to use a variety of words. Maybe you could describe a Pokemon being 'sucked in' to thick sand, instead of just sinking into it?

Details: Your details painted a nice, clear picture of what was going on. A bit more about the environment would have been nice, however. Also, try to remember to use lots of sensory details in battle. What would it sound like, when Cubone was flung into the haystack? What sort of noise did the hay make as it was scattered around, or maybe crushed under him? Were the blades of hay scratchy against his skin, or did he not feel them much because they still had some moisture? What did they smell like? Fresh and grassy still, or old and dried and musty?


Overall: Duskull and Cubone Captured. Your story was sufficient, but try to remember to add more of a variety of details in future ones, particularly sensory details other than sight. ;) Your character may be a photographer, but you should include details aside from just picture-like ones in your story.


In the future don't put a grade request in your title, though. Just post in the Grade Requests Thread.
Awesome thanks! Sorry for putting the grade request in the title, I only placed it there because I'm using the same thread as my first story so I wasn't sure if it would be spotted. Nice work on creating the Grade Requests Thread though and thanks for grading my story so quickly
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