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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 02-17-2007, 04:27 AM
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Default Bugging Out 2: The Paras Strikes Back

Lol Paras. (8131 characters)

Bugging Out 2: The Paras Strikes Back

A few months had past since Eliza's eventful day, when a Wurmple severely injured her Oddish and diary. Eliza had long since thought about the day, still wondering if she should have saved Oddish without destroying her diary. She wondered if maybe her diary was the reason why she thought she was lonely, as she made it seem like only it could hear her own words and thoughts. Almost every moment she had after that, she cherished the friends she had, including her mother, Pokemon, and her new friend, Maria.

Maria sat up from an olive green chair and walked across plush tan carpeting to the door on the other side of the room. She opened the door and stepped into a hallway lined with framed photos of a young man and woman holding coordinator contest ribbons. Their smiles seemed to radiate out of the photographs, lighting the hall with a feeling of blissfulness.

"If only I could be as good of a coordinator that they were..." she said, staring at the floor. Her blue eyes were dulled with sadness, and she brushed a stray strand of golden hair from her eye. She sighed and stood up straight, walking towards the door leading outside. Maria opened the door with difficulty, and was met with a breeze blowing into her face.

"Hey Maria!" cheered Eliza from the other side of the street, waving at her. Maria smiled, and ran down the steps and across the street to where she met her friend with a warm hug.

"Come on, Oddish and Wurmple are waiting for you!" said Eliza, dragging Maria along by hand. Eliza quickly bounded up the stairs, forcing Maria to do so in a less-than-graceful manner of stumbling. She opened the door, and a small wave of comforting warmth leaked out of the open entryway.

"Oddish! Wurmple! Maria's here!" Eliza said, letting go of Maria's hand. She quickly shut the door and placed her thin mint green jacket and scarf on a coat rack beside the door. Maria could hear footsteps and cheerful cries coming towards her, and she kneeled down to prepare to embrace the two Pokemon. They leaped into her arms and were immediately snatched by a soft blue shirt's sleeves. Maria hugged the two Pokemon, enjoying their unconditional happiness. She knew the story behind Wurmple's capture, from Eliza, and heard about the girl's past.

"Well Maria, how've you been?" Eliza asked, walking to where Maria was kneeling. Maria gently set the two Pokemon down, and stood up as she brushed her jeans off.

"Well, I've been pretty good. I want to catch a Pokemon though, so I can start my coordinator career." Maria said, dreaming of the time she would hold first place contest ribbons. "However, I don't know where I could find a Pokemon that would be perfect for the kind of coordinating style I am. Thinking back, she thought of the time her parents gave her a short official test at the local Pokemon Contest center, which analyzed her coordinating style, strengths, and weaknesses. In the results, she was a "Tactician"-style coordinator that tended to use simple and conservative moves interlaced with flashy attention-holders to make the opponent lose focus. However, she lacked the ability to create show-stopping masterpieces. She also loved to use Pokemon that were of the "Smart" attribute, as she selected a Mr. Mime and a Treecko as her test Pokemon.

"Well... I think I know a secret place where you can find the perfect Pokemon!" Eliza whispered, leaning closer to Maria. "But, you'll have to have me with you, because you wouldn't be able to catch one without me!" With this, she stuck her tongue out at the other girl and leaned away. Maria instantly agreed and anxiously asked for the location.

"OK, it's settled! We're going to the secret place!" Eliza said, pointing into thin air.

A few minutes later, both girls met up after buying snack bars, water bottles, flashlights, and Pokeballs at the local PokeMart. Maria continually adjusted her newly purchased pink backpack before simply giving up. Eliza was sporting a green backpack that coordinated with her jacket and scarf, and was carrying a blanket that held Oddish and Wurmple bundled inside.

"OK, are we ready?" She said, receiving a grin and a nod from Maria. "Well then, march!"

A few minutes later, Maria was beginning to doubt Eliza's sanity when she led them to a bridge that hovered over a small field covered with clusters of weeds, patches of grass, and the occasional soda can. However, she still hoped that Eliza was telling the truth and wasn't just pranking her. "After all, these supplies were expensive!"

Eliza picked up a rock and threw at the underside of the bridge, making Maria gasp in terror that she was aiming for a car passing by above it. Her fears were calmed when Eliza explained that she was simply luring out the Pokemon. Maria sat down, using her backpack as a makeshift pillow, watching Eliza's attempt to lure something out from under the bridge. Something orange flashed in the darkest corner of the bridge, and she inexplicably jumped up and tackled Eliza to the ground, narrowly avoiding a cloud of poisonous spores.

"It seems that something has found us." Maria bitterly said. Eliza took the point and quickly let Oddish and Wurmple out of the comfortable blanket she was holding, despite their protests. She quickly silenced them and handed a confused Wurmple to Maria, who was as dumbfounded as the worm in her arms.

"Battle." Eliza whispered, hoping that the one word would explain everything to Maria and Wurmple. They thought for a second, then nodded. "Good, I'll give you advice. I suggest starting off with a Poison Sting to draw it out into the open."

Maria agreed, whispering the command to Wurmple as she let it leap out of her hands. Its forehead spike glowed purple, then a thin needle was launched out of it, straight at the Pokemon hiding in the shadows. Maria heard a clicking noise, and understood that it was a direct hit. A small orange bug crawled out, covered with two small red mushroom on its back. It made a noise that was halfway between a hiss and a click and scuttled toward Wurmple, raising its front pincer. It slashed down in an attempt to hurt Wurmple, but its target evaded at the last second.

"OK Wurmple, use... String Shot to disable it!" Maria said, her voice filling with confidence. Wurmple spewed a sticky web from its mouth, and Paras's claw was stuck to the ground by the sticky goo.

"Now use Tackle!" Maria said, not knowing that Eliza was shocked at how well she was doing. Wurmple rammed into the side of Paras, which injured it, but also released it from its sticky trap. However, the crafty foe's mushrooms had prepared for this in advance, and spewed a Stun Spore on Wurmple as it came close to it. Wurmple was now unable to move, and Paras was going to take full advantage of it.

"Good, You have it on the ropes! Use Tackle again, Wurmple!" Maria said, not knowing what had happened to Wurmple. When she saw that Wurmple wasn't responding, she became frustrated. "Come on Wurmple, get your pointy rear in gear!" She screamed.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down Maria! Look, Wurmple is paralyzed right now. Paras used Stun Spore on it, so now it can't move as much as it used to." Eliza said, defending her Wurmple from any other hassling that Maria might do. Maria blushed in embarrassment at how she hadn't noticed, and said a sincere apology to Wurmple.

"Wurmple, take this and use Poison Sting!" Maria said, taking a berry from her backpack and tossing it to Eliza's Pokemon. It managed to catch it in mid-air, and quickly devoured it.

"Wurmple!" It cheered, moving its limbs freely. It quickly fired multiple needles at Paras, which was expecting a Tackle attack. It was assaulted by the needles and collapsed on the ground.

"Use a Pokeball Maria!" Eliza said, even though she didn't have to. Maria had instinctively reached for a Pokeball from her pink backpack and pressed the small button on the center of it. It expanded in size, and she tossed it at the downed parasitic Pokemon.

"Come on... come on..." Maria thought, trying to will the Pokeball into capturing the Pokemon.

"One... two... three..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ready for grading!
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Last edited by gun6; 02-17-2007 at 03:23 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-17-2007, 12:51 PM
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Default Re: Bugging Out 2: The Paras Strikes Back

Introduction & Plot: This part was smooth and well-written, with no obvious errors. The plot you brought us into was also interesting. Very rarely are coordinators seen in stories, at least in this fashion. I liked seeing how the character's personality played a role in everything she does, even what pokemon she catches to try to compete.


Grammar: As usual, this was good. No obvious errors stuck out.

Details: The amount of detail you put into your stories seems almost too much for the Pokemon you are going for. There can never be too much, of course, it's just that you have an eye for these things, it seems, and find just the right places to put little details in. I can't think of one place to suggest you add something for next time, and there's usually at least one place I can advise people to add something.

Battle:
This was good, as well. With a Wurmple, the moves you can use are limited, and taking that into consideration, the battle had plenty of variety. Nice work.

Overall: Paras Captured! Good job. I'm afraid there isn't really anything I can ask you to improve in future stories, so I'll leave you with one little suggestion- Let me know when you continue this! ^_^ I'd like to see what happens when Eliza enters a contest with her new pokemon.
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  #3  
Old 02-17-2007, 03:19 PM
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Default Re: Bugging Out 2: The Paras Strikes Back

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireflyK View Post
Introduction & Plot: This part was smooth and well-written, with no obvious errors. The plot you brought us into was also interesting. Very rarely are coordinators seen in stories, at least in this fashion. I liked seeing how the character's personality played a role in everything she does, even what pokemon she catches to try to compete.


Grammar: As usual, this was good. No obvious errors stuck out.

Details: The amount of detail you put into your stories seems almost too much for the Pokemon you are going for. There can never be too much, of course, it's just that you have an eye for these things, it seems, and find just the right places to put little details in. I can't think of one place to suggest you add something for next time, and there's usually at least one place I can advise people to add something.

Battle:
This was good, as well. With a Wurmple, the moves you can use are limited, and taking that into consideration, the battle had plenty of variety. Nice work.

Overall: Paras Captured! Good job. I'm afraid there isn't really anything I can ask you to improve in future stories, so I'll leave you with one little suggestion- Let me know when you continue this! ^_^ I'd like to see what happens when Eliza enters a contest with her new pokemon.
Oh please, Paras is teh mushroom. ;/ (Thanks for the grade. ^_^)
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