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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 12-23-2006, 04:46 AM
ashketchum Offline
 
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Default Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Finished Episodes
Episode 1-A Horrible Start Of A New Beginning[12-22-06]
Episode 2-The Run Away Naetoru[12-23-06]
Episode 3-New Friends & New Rivals(Part1)[12-23-06]
Episode 4-New Friends & New Rivals(Part2)[01-6-07]
Episode 5-Strategy Tomorrow ~ Comedy Tonight[01-12-07]
Episode 6-Reunited and it “Chimes” so good[01-12-07]
Episode 7 Special Episode 1- Pichu Bros and friends[01-12-07]
Episode 8- Series Of Battles (Part 1)[02-2-07]
Episode 9- Pokemon Contest Day I[02-2-07]
Episode 10- Farewell Ritchie and Melissa welcome Brock and girlfriend!? (Part 1)[02-2-07]
Episode 11- Farewell Ritchie and Melissa; welcome Brock and Girlfriend!? (Part 2)[02-2-07]
Episode 12- Rival Battle! 3 Vs 3![02-2-07]
Episode 13- Battle Tower Challenges (Part 1)[02-2-07]
Episode 14- Battle Tower Challenges (Part 2)[02-2-07]

Episodes I'm Working On

Who sings what:
Jessie
James
Meowth
Jessie and James together
Jessie, James, and Meowth
~Story~ This is a Pokemon story about two trainers and their first Pokemon. The two trainers are Ash Ketchum, and his twin brother Devan Ketchum. Ash Ketchum still has the clothes on that he has on in Pokemon Battle Frontier(Series). Devan Ketchum has these clothes= http://www.me-anime.com/characters/p...sh_ketchum.jpg
Devan Ketchum's Pokemon is a Charmander, and Ash's is a Pikachu. Both are male. They traveled through all of the regions together. Now they're starting a new Pokemon record in the Orre and Shinou regions. What will happen on their journeys? Well. You'll have to watch and see.

Episode 1-A Horrible Start Of A New Beginning
Our story begins in Kanto, Pallet Town. In the home of our heroes. Looks like they're just getting up. They better hurry, or they'll miss the boat to the Shinou region. The alarm clock rang, and Ash, Devan, Pikachu, and Charmander jumped out of their beds.

" Oh no. We're gonna be late," Devan said putting on his clothes.

" We're going to be late only if we get held back for more than an hour by mom." Ash added.

" How about we just go, or we'll be late for sure." Charmander and Pikachu replied.

All four of our heroes ran downstairs, into the kitchen. They sat down at a round table. Delia Ketchum(Their mom) had just put the breakfast food on huge round plates. Separate huge round plates though.

Pikachu and Charmander ate bacon and egg flavored poke'food. Devan grabbed 2 pieces of bacon, and got two spoon fulls of eggs. Ash got the same. They hurry, and ate. They were about to leave when their mother gave them their backpacks. " I packed both of you extra underwear, boxers, socks, rubber-gloves, fireproof gloves, and a sleeping bag." Our mom explained to us, handing us our backpacks. Ash received green backpack, and I received blue backpack.

" Thanks mom," We both said, putting the backpacks on. We started to walk away, and our mother started to shout...

" Both of you call me when you get to Futaba Town!" She shouted, waving her hands, and her eyes starting to water up.

" Bye mom!" I shouted waving back. Ash waved back too.

" Pika-pika!" Yelled Pikachu.

" Charmander-char!" Shouted Charmander.

We ran as fast as we could. Trying not to get held up by anyone. So we ran faster than before.

" Yes. We still have 30 minutes before the boat leaves the dock," Ash said relieved.

We walked up to the boat.

" Sorry. But you cannot get on the boat until the 30 minutes are up," Said a sailor.

" Okay then. Lets go to the battling center." Devan suggested.

When Devan and Ash walked into the battle center. The sailor took off his costume and turned out to not be a sailor. It was actually James from the wacky Team Rocket.

" Good job James." Jessie told him.

" Finally. You show your true scheme side." Meowth adds.

" Hm..why isn't anyone in here?" Ash asked.

I turned around and saw the boat taking off.

" Ash!" I exclaimed. " Lets go! The ship is leaving." I told Ash running out of the entrance doors.

We ran towards the water, and ran into Jessie and James. We fell back.

" You know us as Team Rocket and we fight for what is wrong,
We're tired of our motto, so we thought we'd try a song!

Jessie!
James!
The speed of light, prepare to fight!
Meowth, that's riiight...
I am the handsome one...
I'm the gorgeous one...
Looking good is lots of fun!
We get some things wrong, but we keep rolling along!

We want to capture Pikachu, we hope to do it soon,
And when we do, we'll be the new stars of this... cartoon!


" Team Rocket!" Devan and Ash exclaimed.

" Pika-pika!" Exclaimed Pikachu.

" Charmander-Char!" Charmander exclaims with anger.

" Go, Cacnea!" Yells James, as he throws his poke'ball into the air. A red beam comes out, and a white light shapes into a Cacnea. Cacnea does a U-turn, and hugs James on the face. " Cacnea, them!" James yells in pain.

" Mime Jr," Said Mime Jr. standing next to James.

" Chime," Says Chimecho floating beside James's head.

" Dustox use poisonsting!" Jessie orders Dustox.

" I don't think so! Charmander use flamethrower!" Devan shouts
-Dustox was hit by the flamethrower, and flew back and hit Jessie in her stomach. She fell down as well.

" Cacnea pin-missile now!" James commands Cacnea.

" Pikachu agility to dodge, and use irontail!" Ash tells Pikachu.

Pikachu's tail lights up, and Pikachu does a flip. The tail directly hits Cacnea. Cacnea flew back and did the same thing Dustox did to Jessie.

" Lets finish this!" Devan shouted.

" Charmander use flamethrower!" Devan demands Charmander.

" Pikachu use Thunderbolt!" Ash commanded Pikachu.
-The flamethrower carried the electric attack, and hit James, Meowth, Jessie, Chimecho, Mime Jr., Dustox, and Cacnea. Causing a huge explosion.

" Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

" The ship is too far away now. How are we supposed to get there?" Asked Devan.

" Isn't that your Charizard Devan?" Ash asked looking at the Charizard that was flying in the sky.

" Yeah!" Devan happily exclaims. " Isn't that your Pidgeot?" Devan asked.
-Pidgeot landed in front of Ash, and Charizard landed in front of Devan.
-Devan hopped on the back of his Charizard with Charmander on his right shoulder. Ash jumped on Pidgeot's back, and Pikachu was on his left shoulder. Charizard and Pidgeot took off towards the boat. As the sun was just setting. I wonder what will happen next. Today was a horrible way to start, but at least they made it. Make sure you see the next episode of Pokemon!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Last edited by ashketchum; 02-03-2007 at 01:11 AM.
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  #2  
Old 12-23-2006, 05:29 AM
Ryenne Raleigh Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Ok, I read this, and honestly, it needs a lot of editing and correcting.


There were several instances where you wrote a complete sentence, then made the next sentence a fragment. That is a big no-no when writing in third-person perspective. You should try joining the sentence, like instead of:


Quote:
They better hurry. Or they'll miss the boat to the Shinou region.
Try:

Quote:
They better hurry, or they'll miss the boat to the Shinou region.
It's more understandable if you are writing in first-person perspective, seeing as many people first say a sentence but later add on a fragment, but in third-person perspective, it's still a major no-no.


Quote:
" Oh no. We're gonna be late." Devan says putting on his clothes.
No. Wrongo. Several people do this without knowing it's a mistake, but if a character says something, and if you put that they said it later, you would put a comma where the period would be. You did this several times throughout the story. If it is an interrogative or exclamatory sentence, however, you would leave the question mark and exclamation point as is. Also, you need to quit switching tenses. When writing a story, you don't keep switching back and forth. Use past-tense only, unless you are a narrator for the Discovery Channel or whatever.


Quote:
"Oh no, we're gonna be late," Devan said, putting on his clothes.

This above is how it ought to be written. I also think you should try putting a little more emotion into it, but hey; it's just my opinion.


Quote:
Our mom explained to us; Handing us our backpack.
You would put a comma where the semicolon is and make the "h" in "handing" lowercase.

Anyway, at the beginning, you start out using third-person perspective, for a while you use first-person perspective, then you go back to third-person perspective again. Uh-uh. No. You don't do that. Choose one and stick with it until you finish the story. Keep in mind, however, in third-person perspective, you can show everybody's thoughts, not just the main character as you would in first-person perspective.


Ok, one more thing; then we're done:

Quote:
" Pikachu use thunderbolt!" Ash commands Pikachu.

Corrected version:

Quote:
"Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!" Ash commanded Pikachu.
When you address someone in a sentence, you put a comma after their name, as you see above. Also, since "Thunderbolt" is a Pokemon move, you should capitalize it. You got your tenses mixed up again; not hard to fix.


Ok, I lied, this is the last thing. There were some spelling errors, but I understand that we all make mistakes, and I congratulate you; there were only a few.


I'm sorry if I seem harsh to you, but I'm only trying to help you. Aside from all its errors, it's still fairly decent; it just needs work and editing.
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  #3  
Old 12-23-2006, 05:35 AM
ashketchum Offline
 
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Thanks a lot for the honest help. Read over to see if I corrected everything. Thanks a lot, and chapter 2 is coming soon.

Last edited by ashketchum; 12-23-2006 at 05:39 AM.
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  #4  
Old 12-23-2006, 05:45 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

I love these fics you make
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  #5  
Old 12-23-2006, 05:46 AM
Ryenne Raleigh Offline
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashketchum View Post
Thanks a lot for the honest help. Read over to see if I corrected everything. Thanks a lot, and chapter 2 is coming soon.
It's a little better, but there's still a lot more. The part about the commas...Still a lot more to correct. You're very welcome, and I look forward to the next chapter.
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  #6  
Old 12-23-2006, 05:51 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blazeiken12 View Post
I love these fics you make
Thanks Blaze. I am still readin your last chapter of your story. It's pretty good too. Waiting for fourth.
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  #7  
Old 12-23-2006, 03:56 PM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Episode 2-The Run Away Naetoru

Yes, another day for our heroes. It's the 2nd day now for their journey. Devan and Ash have been battling a lot of trainers, since they first got on the boat yesterday. And well, They've been winning.

"I can't believe both of you beat me and my cousin," says a schoolgirl.

"I can't believe that you're being a sore loser." The cousin replied.

"See you," said Ash, while they were walking to the trade machine.

" Well. We've been doing good so far. I wonder how long it will be until we get to Shinou," said Devan.

"Me too." Ash replied.
They both started to walk around. They were walking to their room, and they had to pass the basement stairs to do so. As they walked pass the basement stairs, they heard noises.

"Is someone there?" Ash asked;staring down at the basement steps.

The boats lights suddenly cut off. The intercom comes on.

"Excuse me. But there has been a big problem. Would Rodger the technical adviser please come to the Captains room," said a man on the intercom.(Intercom cuts off.)

"We should go to the Captain's room too," Devan said.

"Yeah lets go." Ash agreed.

They walked in the Captain's room, and saw him talking to Rodger. Rodger walked up to us. "Um-you must be trainers. I saw you two winning every single one of your matches. You're good. I have a favor to ask of you. I have to go down those basement stairs, to the technician room. I'm kind of a wimp." Rodger explained.

"Sure. We'll help you," I said.

He shook our hands, and we walked down to the basement. "Charmander. Go ahead." I told him. His flame on his tail was like a huge light bulb that never goes out. We heard that moving around noise again.

" I-I'm out of here!" Rodger shouted, about to run back upstairs. But Pikachu tripped him up. We dragged him to the room. But there was a run away Naetoru that was mean looking. " I remember that Naetoru. It ran away from it's trainer year ago, after he tried to hurt it. The trainer never came back.

" So it's free now?" Ash asked. "My first Shinou Pokemon. Alright!" Ash exclaimed. "Pikachu lets do it!" Ash happily yelled. Rodger went to fix the wires, and cut the power back on. "We've got a problem. The wires needs an electric power-up to cut the power back on." He explained.

"Pikachu use Thunderbolt!" Ash commanded.
-Naetoru dodged the electric attack. The Thunderbolt hit Rodger, and since Rodger had his hands on the wire. The power cut back on.
"Yeah! Alright. Awesome," said some of the people on the boat, in the trading area.

"Pikachu use irontail," said Ash.
-Naetoru got hit, but then countered with a leafstorm. The leaves were in the air, and zoomed towards Pikachu. Pikachu got hit critically.
"Pikachu!" Ash shouted concerned. "Naetoru is using that leafstorm again. Pikachu use agility times stereo!" Ash demanded. Pikachu dodged the leaves, and jumped on one of them, and jumped into the air. "Irontail!" Ash yelled. Pikachu flipped, and hit Naetoru. Naetoru used vinewhip, and grabbed Pikachu. "Yes. Pikachu finish up with Thunder!" Ash shouted.
"Ash! Throw a pokeball," told him. Ash threw a pokeball. Ding...ding...ding...ding...DING! "Yes! I caught Pikachu!" Ash yelled, as he jumped in the air. Pikachu jumped up as well. "Pika-pika," Said Pikachu happily.

(Intercom comes on) We're finally at Futaba Town. I hope your sail was exciting. Bye.(Intercom cuts off.)

Ash and Devan received badges of thanks from the Captain of the ship. They then got off the boat, and headed for the Pokemon Lab.

"Well. We're here," Devan said.

Another great day, and another great Pokemon friend! Tune in for the next episode soon, of Pokemon Ultimate Challenge!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Last edited by ashketchum; 12-23-2006 at 06:28 PM.
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  #8  
Old 12-24-2006, 12:49 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

There are few mistakes in the chapters, and you keep going back and forth between 1st and 3rd person. Otherwise, it's very good. And I'll lend you my characters if you want.
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Old 12-24-2006, 12:58 AM
ashketchum Offline
 
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

Sure. Yes, I know I keep goin' back and fourth between 1st and 3rd person. I wil correct that situation by the 3rd chapter. This isn't like UA!
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:07 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

'Sure' refers to what and what do you mean that 'it isn't like UA'? sorry if I'm acting stupid, but I'm tired, it's past eight here in texas, and my brain isn't functioning right.
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:19 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

I am now letting people join their characters into the rp.

Crystal~PokemonUA!: Ultimate Annihilation.
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:29 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

okay, sorry for being stupid
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:35 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

You should make a list for you and your Pokemon, so I can add you in the next chapter ya'know?
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:37 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

but didn't you just say that you aren't puting other people's characters into this fic?
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Old 12-24-2006, 01:44 AM
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Default Re: Pokemon Ultimate Challenge

When did I say this?
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