Member List
Calendar
F.A.Q.
Search
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  
 

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-04-2007, 10:34 AM
cryszephyr's Avatar
cryszephyr Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 36
Default CZ's close encounters

well i do alot of writing so i thought i would try and get myself something good. So in this part my aim is to get a Lantern to begin with...i just hope its good enough
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
The bright sun felt good on my skin as it blazed down from the clear skies. My companion, a newly evolved green gecko like pokemon with leaves sprouting from its arms, Grovyle was lay on its back as if it was sun bathing. The fresh sea air filled my nostrils as I sat along the edge of the lath on a harbour. Originally I was dragged here by my father very early this morning when it was bitter cold, the temperature really seemed to weaken Grovyle a lot. By mid-day my dad had left and I told him I wanted to stay and see if I could catch any more water pokemon. We had already spent five whole hours this morning and all we caught were a few measly Magikarp that barely even put up a fight. Now the sun was out and the sun only made the bay more peaceful. I no longer cared about the water pokemon all I wanted to do was relax with Grovyle by my side. Being truthful I was always seen as a bit of a weird person with kids my age whilst growing up so the Treecko was my only friend for a few years until on the past few fishing trips when we started to help my dad by battling the strong water types and eventually Wildvine, as I called her, evolved. Since then she wasn’t as hyped up any more and more relaxed which I found all the more of an improvement.

A slight tug would pull the fishing line every now and then but because of the clear water it was easily seen to be a Magikarp. My true target was bigger, I was hoping to fish up a Gyarados or Seaking or maybe even a Relicanth. Although Relicanth would be impossible, they were already rare as it is and some people in this town called them legendary. The fishing line was wedged between two slabs of cement to it would take more than a tug from a Magikarp to pull it out. However the fishing line suddenly sustained an enormous pull and almost flew out of the slabs if Grovyle hadn’t reacted and caught it with its feet. She pulled her feet up so her hands could grab the rod as I stood up to help. As both of us pulled whatever was on the other side of the rod let go. All either of us could see as it swam away were two bright yellow dots hanging above a small blue body. Inspecting the rod we noticed part of the string had snapped and the end part of the string was either at the bottom of the sea now or tangled around that pokemon. It was something I had never seen before, the light it gave of was mesmerising. Even though it was gone I continue to stare, not blinking, at the water. A Magikarp had swum right into my gaze; it looked back at me thinking I was staring at it. The next I saw of the Magikarp was it winks at me and I instantly snapped out of the daydream. “Wildvine, that Magikarp is annoying me. Use Slam on the water!” I commanded. By grass type companion leapt high into the air as it swung the thin leaf on its head as it came into contact with the water directly above the Magikarp. From the impact water was thrown into the air and so was the Magikarp as it flailed in thin air. “Now let’s go with Leaf blade!” Grovyle’s arm leaves seemed to sharpen as they began to glow a bright green as it once again leapt into the air, this time towards the Magikarp. Grovyle swung its arms as the sharpened leaves slashed against the Magikarp’s scales. It flew further out to sea most likely unconscious. However as I turned my back to Grovyle the look it had showed nothing but shock and fear. I turned around to see a large Gyarados looming over us. A cut along the side of its face, the same place Grovyle had hit the Magikarp. It obviously had evolved after being hit. Grovyle proceeded to using a quick attack but I had grabbed her arm in time and ran off with my Grovyle in tow.

I had run all the way from the harbour to the opposite side of town to get away from the Gyarados. For some reason I had always aspired to catching a Gyarados but I also had a large fear over them. I burst through the door and collapsed onto the floor with exhaustion. My mum looked from around the corner into the kitchen to check on me. “You ok?” She asked worrying.

“Yeah mum I’m ok.” I said standing up brushing any dirt off my black skirt and pink T-shirt. Grovyle had already proceeded to leaning against the wall. I turned curiously as to why it had instantly done this. I gave it a blank look and all I did was point to a small table with a bowl completely empty. This was usually filled with Grovyle’s food as she rarely ate but every now and then she would go to it and take a few bites of the small herb and bread balls. “Oops. Sorry Wildvine.” I apologised picking up the bowl and taking it over to the cupboard. My dad had also walked into the room his obedient Ivysaur at his feet. I took a wild guess that Ivysaur had emptied Grovyle’s bowl.

“Err...I think Ivysaur got into your Grovyle’s food whilst we were away.” He sounded nervous as he knew that his Ivysaur and my Grovyle could never get along. The shot each other angry looks. Ivysaur sneakily made sure nobody was looking and spat a small yellow seed shaped ball from his mouth. It struck Grovyle in the face leaving her startled and with a small bruise on her face. “Oh and did you catch anything good? And final question is where is my rod?”

“Ok in order of what you just said; It’s ok me and Wildvine can run to the market and get some more, we caught nothing but near the end we almost caught a pokemon I had never seen before but it got away and finally we were attacked by a Gyarados and it knew Flamethrower and burnt your rod to a crisp.” I took a deep breath after using it all explaining to my dad.

“Well I guess I can let you off. A Gyarados is dangerous pokemon and more if it used a Flamethrower and your only pokemon is a grass type. You should really go out and get another pokemon. A water type pokemon would be great and they are...” My dad began before I interrupted.

“We’ve been over this before dad. I find it really unfair to the pokemon that they are kept on display until some sick person wants to buy them, they are usually ridiculously over priced...and there aren’t any good looking pokemon.” I smirked. Me and dad would practically have the same argument every day. Like recently were actually went to the pokemon stall and my dad bought a Wooper from the man there but this was a guy my family trusted and had only just opened up the stall because he was getting on in years and couldn’t keep control over all his pokemon so he was giving a lot of the away. I still didn’t like this as I would rather not buy pokemon, I would want to actually go out and catch my own. But sadly even though I was fourteen my parents wouldn’t let me go out alone just because I was a girl. Dad had been a traveller since he was only nine but he didn’t want me going out alone in case anything bad happens. He was seriously over protective and I didn’t like it.

“So will you be going to the market now then Nicola?” Mum asked me with a tone of impatience in her tone of voice.

“Yes. Sorry mum. I’m going to call around the meeting hall and try get some information on that pokemon if you don’t mind.”

“We don’t mind as long as you’re back within two hours.” Dad answered.

“Ok will do.” I turned from my parents to Grovyle who still staring angrily at Ivysaur. “Come on Wildvine.” Grovyle looked at me and walked towards me as I opened the door. The slight cold breeze filled the room. Me and Grovyle instantly sprinted out of the door and down the pathways along the alleys. The tall building on either side of us cast shadows on us as the wind seemed intensified and the chill was getting to me. Perhaps I should have chosen not to come down the alleys as it was cold and the winds blowing through seemed to be lifting my skirt every now and then but I quickly pressed it down so no one would notice. Grovyle ran slightly in front of me and crouched down so I practically fell onto him as he lifted me up and carried me through the long alleyway. All I could see for a few seconds was a white stream behind us and my hair flicking back behind me.

Grovyle came to a complete stop as the bright sun hit us once again. The busy streets were alive with chatter of people and pokemon. Among the loudness I could make out someone bragging on how cute their Corsola was, someone else discussing a battle strategy including a Kakuna that could actually move their body and able to use Tackle and String shot. I wasn’t too sure of this as of my knowledge Kakuna could only use Harden and nothing else. I blanked out the rest as I scanned the numerous wooden stalls trying to find an old man that sold the pokemon food me and my family usually bought. I began getting annoyed as many people just shoved past me rudely without a word of apologies. I suddenly noticed Grovyle wasn’t with me. I turned around to see him being trampled on by a Ludicolo. Its eyes were odd however. And the Ludicolo’s trainer was trying to pull his pokemon off. I ran back to check what was happening. “What do you think you’re doing” I shouted at the boy.

“I’m sorry miss. My Ludicolo saw this Grovyle and must have fallen for it.”

“What do you mean fallen for Grovyle?”

“I mean he saw her and went head over heels for Grovyle.” I continued to be clueless. “Grovyle opened up Ludicolo’s heart.” Still I was clueless. “Ludicolo fell in love with Grovyle.”

“Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” I had become very impatient.

“I was being dramatic.” The boy tugged on Ludicolo and he fell over crushing the boy. I picked up Grovyle and dragged her away getting away from the crazy Ludicolo.

I had ran aimlessly through the crowds and gotten myself lost. The crowds were growing bigger and bigger so I had to get to the meeting hall soon or I would probably never find my way out for an hour or two. Luckily the meeting hall had a large flag waving above it so I could spot it easily. Surprisingly I had ended up right outside the large hall. The teenager trainers like me sat along the steps with their pokemon. Some of these were people I’d talk to but they weren’t really true friends. I ascended the stairs as the people sitting on them said their ‘hellos’ and I replied with the same. Grovyle was two steps behind me as we entered the building. Inside it looked like a mansion. Except from the hundred of trainers. Most were locals unable to go on adventures or travellers here only to tell tales or trade local pokemon. Here we were famous for water pokemon being so rare and having so many Omanyte fossils. We would get researchers in town practically every week to pick up any more fossils and the mayor of town would occasionally give out free Omanyte from the kind enough researchers. Of course they would be the prize in a town wide tournament. I once entered one of these and came 4th which gave me nothing but an item called a Miracle Seed which boosted the power of a grass type Pokémon’s attacks. However, me being the klutz I am, I sold the seed for money which I blew during a battle, hurray for underage gambling. But back then Wildvine was only a Treecko so I bet if I entered now I could probably do better.

Inside I set out to try and find the one person who could always be found here. He was an old pokemon trainer, who had been to every inch of the planet, or so he told everyone, but he seemed to have correct knowledge of most pokemon. You could show him any pokemon and he could basically tell you what level of development they were in and how happy with its trainer it was. He was the smartest person I knew. I knew simply to look in the corners of any of the rooms as that is where he usually could be found; sitting on his own awaiting someone to ask him questions about pokemon of which he would gladly. I noticed an exceptionally large group of people all gathered to one side of the hall. The manager, a nice pink haired lady, was stood trying to dispatch the crowds. I stood back and watched as she did her thing with her Skarmory by her side in case there were any hooligans wanting to cause trouble. As the crowd died down I could see the rough white hair I easily recognised. I ran up but the Skarmory extended its wing to stop me going any further. “Excuse me young lady but I don’t think this man wants any more rookie questions being thrown at him.” The white haired man stood. Loud cracks turned everyone’s attention to him.

“It’s ok ma’am. Nikki here is a good friend of mine and she is no rookie.” The old man spoke with a quiet voice. “I see her every day almost. Sometimes she is the only person who keeps me company. Not including my pokemon of course.” The floating metal ball with an eye in the centre and a magnet on either side floated not too far behind the man. The Skarmory lowered its wing as I stepped closer to the man.

“Hello again.” I said with a smile. The manager walked away trying to quell two youngsters from starting a battle with each other. “Where’s your cutey of a Cyndaquil?” I asked but the man just lowered his head. I could tell from the silence. “Oh, he’s not...has he?”

“Yes I’m afraid he passed away. My best friend died in his sleep.” A tear rolled down the man’s face. I did the first kind thing that came to my mind and gave him a friendly hug. I stepped back quickly so as no one who saw would think I was weird. The man looked back at me, tears still down his face, but with a smile. “Thank you Nikki. Your kindness warms my old heart. If only I was as youthful as you were kind...then I’d have fifty years knocked off my life.” He began to laugh.

“Oh come on you don’t look that old.” Sadly I lied as he did show severe signs of age but i thought it more polite to not mention this.

“Well then by the time you turn eighty six take a look in the mirror and see how you look.” I dared to even think about it. “Well it’s been good talking to you Nikki but i have to go.” He began walking off slowly as his Magnemite trailed behind.

“Oh wait!” I called after him and ran to catch up. “I meant to ask you something. This morning I went fishing and I saw a pokemon I had never seen before.”

“Err...sounds interesting. Can you describe it by any chance?”

“Yeah. It was blue, its body was round like a ball, and there were two tear drop shapes at the end of antennae attached near its front.”

“Sounds close to a Marril but...did it have anything unusual about it?”

“Oh yeah that’s right. The tear drops were yellow and they were glowing. It almost made me want to jump in after the pokemon.”

“Ah...that, my dear girl, would be a Chinchou. A rare water type pokemon that also has electric type characteristics. Very good pokemon to have. I remember back when I started out and I had to fight this water speciality gym leader who had one. I had to catch, train and evolve one of the nearby Mudkips because only water pokemon were allowed in the gym.”

“You always have such interesting stories to tell. Well anyway I got to go. I’ll see you again.” I waved good bye and ran out with Grovyle not far behind me. All the people had fled indoors as rain was now heavily coming down. The thick black clouds had stolen the sun from the sky leaving nothing but the street lights to light the way. Luckily the stalls were still packing up and I noticed the pokemon food vendor. “Excuse me.” The man was crouched down but stood up as I spoke. “I’d like my usual supply please.”

“Of course.” He bent down again and took out a large back from one of the boxes on the floor. Grovyle stepped over to pick it up for me. I handed over the money and we left. The rain would leave me soaking wet by the time I got home and I was already cold as I was and I only had a few droplets of water on me.

“Oh isn’t this going to be fun?” I asked myself sarcastically. Grovyle sighed. The thin leaf on its head moved over above my own. I turned to Grovyle and it nodded, still carrying the bag. “Such a polite pokemon.” I smiled at Grovyle who did the same back. We both began to walk back together, Grovyle’s leaf preventing my hair from getting too wet.

After we got back home I had ran upstairs to get changed as even though Grovyle had covered my head a lot of the other areas of my body still managed to get wet. From upstairs I heard a loud crash and shouting. I ran downstairs now dressed in a long sleeved light blue shirt and light blue jeans. I came down to see my dad scolding both his Ivysaur and my Grovyle. Ivysaur was covered in marks and Grovyle had a few bruises. My dad turned to me, his face bright red from anger. “Do you ever teach your Grovyle how to behave?” He yelled. I could feel his anger and it was very intimidating. “This punk girl of yours has just demolished half of the kitchen starting a fight with Ivysaur.”

“How do you know it wasn’t Ivysaur that started the fight?” I asked trying to stay calm.

“Because I trust my Ivysaur to not wreck up the kitchen with giant roots.” My dad was getting angrier by the second.

“Dad, Wildvine doesn’t know any attacks that use vines. Her only usable grass attacks are the drain attacks and Leaf blade. She can’t use vines. Whereas Ivysaur are able to use Vine whip.”

“But these are huge thick roots like off a tree.”

“Ever heard of Frenzy plant? It’s a move learnable by both a Bulbasaur’s evolutions, and a Chikorita’s evolutions. Sadly Treecko’s evolutions can as well but you know Grovyle from birth and should know that she can’t use it.”

“Can you prove Ivysaur knows it though?”

“Yes!” I shouted. “I have seen you in battles with Ivysaur hundreds of times and in rare occasions I have seen you use Frenzy plant. Also look at Ivysaur. He is exhausted and that’s what Frenzy plant does. Grovyle however just have a few bruises.” I noticed dad beginning to calm himself down.

“Right I suppose you are right. I am sorry for misjudging you and Grovyle.” Grovyle heard and stuck its tongue out at Ivysaur mocking it. Dad stepped out the door as I heard him doing something in the kitchen and talking to mum. Grovyle stepped over to me as I went back upstairs.

My room was practically lined with nothing but posters. Every wall in my room, every door and even some of the ceiling had posters of rock bands. Perched in one corner of my room was my acoustic guitar I had been given a year or two back. However lately it had been Grovyle using the guitar the most with my just singing along to it. Admittedly she was pretty good but only seemed to do what she wanted on it and sometimes it wouldn’t sound right but that didn’t seem to bother her because it helped me with playing too. Thunder began bolting outside and began to scare me. I dived onto my bed under the covers. Grovyle just stood and shook her head embarrassingly. I felt myself turn red slightly from embarrassment. I removed the sheets and sat at my computer and just played games. The night passed quickly and Grovyle had gone to sleep long ago. I heard the quiet footsteps outside my bedroom door of my indicating that it must have been late so I turn off my computer and went to bed.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-04-2007, 10:35 AM
cryszephyr's Avatar
cryszephyr Offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 36
Default Re: CZ's close encounters

The next day I awoke from blinding sun coming from my window as it hit my eyes. I instantly had to move my arm in front of my face to shield my eyes from the brightness. Grovyle was still asleep as she sat up whilst she slept usually and was slept close to the window so the light wouldn’t hit her face like it did mine. I threw the bed covers off me and wandered over to the window. By the looks of it, sunrise must have happened only an hour ago at most so it was still early. I turned my attention to the ocean thinking to myself about the Chinchou I was hoping to catch again when I went fishing. I walked away from my window leaving Grovyle to sleep and went down stairs. No one else was awake luckily because I had decided to go down early again and try to find the Chinchou. Of course I would also need Grovyle so I would have to wait a little while longer till I left but that was fine with me. I returned upstairs and sat on my bed listening to some of my music whilst waiting for Grovyle.

An hour or so much have passed until Grovyle eventually awoke with a huge yawn. I turned off my music and made sure Grovyle wouldn’t go back to sleep. This could cause harm to me but it was worth it. When I left my room Grovyle was fully awake and I was, surprisingly, unharmed. Both of us ran down the stairs as I grabbed the house keys and the new fishing rod and sprinted to the door. As I unlocked the door I heard stirring from upstairs, possibly my parents waking up, so I had to rush to get out. Grovyle got through the door and I locked it behind us just as my dad descended the stairs. It would be a while until he realised me and Grovyle were gone but it was worth it. The early morning sun felt good, like it had done yesterday, but was also cool from the recent wet night. Me and Grovyle had to run to the harbour so we had more time to attempt at catching the Chinchou which seemed to shroud itself in mystery on my case. I could hear the sounds of the water pokemon in the ocean and the Wingull overhead. This meant I was getting closer. As I burst through the starting up market stalls the glimmering ocean was there. The other fishing rod I had left behind yesterday was still wedged in the cement. I sat down near the rod and pulled it out before throwing it to one side and wedging the new one in place and cast out the reel.

People in boats kept arriving at the harbour with huge boxes, possibly imported foods like fruit and meat. This continued for what felt like hours and still our rod only got hold of nothing but Magikarp and Tentacool which Grovyle easily got rid of. I had gotten really impatient by the time the kids began to come outside and play. “Where are you?!” I shouted at the water. “Chinchou just bite the reel so I can see you properly!” Grovyle grabbed my shoulder as if trying to say ‘calm down and be patient’. I took a deep breath and sat down, rod in my hand. Grovyle sat next to me. It was always a mystery as to why Grovyle could suddenly be so calm after evolving. As a Treecko she would be jumping around everywhere and extremely impatient but now that she evolved she’s totally the opposite. I took a look at her but the rod began pulling hard. I stood up to I could get a better grip and Grovyle also grabbed the rod with me. When we had pulled it up a large Parana type pokemon was hooked on the end. Carvana were dangerous pokemon in this area and the first I thing I noticed was this one leaping at me. Grovyle had gotten in the way and used leaf blade on it sending it flying back. I thanked her and set the reel back into the water. Grovyle paced behind me, rubbing one of the leaves on its arms. I hadn’t noticed but the Carvana had injured Grovyle with its Rough Skin ability. I continued to watch out over the small waves as they lapped against the gentle side. I unfolded my legs and kicked off my shoes to dip my feet into the water because this always seemed to keep me calm. I felt another tug on the line and did the same as last time, I stood up and Grovyle helped pull the rod, however there was one new thing this time; the pokemon on the end was the Chinchou I was searching for. It dropped off the hook and I could tell it wasn’t too happy about being hooked and dived at Grovyle who easily swatted it away. It took another jumped but the two tear drop shapes on its antennae glowed yellow and its whole body surged with electricity. Grovyle easily jumped out of the way. “That’s how we do it Wildvine. Keep it up and eventually it’ll wear itself down till it’ll be too tired to fight.” Luckily before leaving I had taken one of my dad’s empty pokeballs. He would be mad that I took it but maybe if I caught the Chinchou he wouldn’t be so mad. Chinchou leapt again surging with electricity but Grovyle half turned and easily dodged the electric filled water pokemon. “Oh this is going to easy. Wildvine take it down with quick attack!” I commanded. Grovyle ran at a high speed and slammed into the Chinchou sending it back into a wall. However it quickly got up and sent a wave of electricity at Grovyle who narrowly dodged it by jumping. “Wildvine!” I called to her. She quickly turned to look at me. “You’ll need more than speed to win but the speed is going great because you can dodge and...Watch out!” I yelled as Chinchou had flung itself at Grovyle and hit her in the chest but barely did any damage. The tear drop shaped crackled with energy so it must have used Spark attack. Grovyle lunged forward, the leaves glowing green as it struck the pokemon. Chinchou took heavy damage and was sent flying back. It looked completely out of health but it continued to fight, lunging at Grovyle with every last ounce of strength, repeatedly attacking, and repeatedly missing. “Wildvine this is getting boring. Finish it with Slam!” Grovyle waited for Chinchou to take another shot at her but just as it was close, Grovyle swung the leaf on her head as it connected directly to Chinchou sending the pokemon flying back into an empty wooden crate. A light emerged from the single hole in the crate. As the light died down all was silent. Myself and Grovyle stepped closer to inspect what happened to the Chinchou. As we stepped closer a larger pokemon burst out. This was the same colour as Chinchou but the antennae were different. Still tear drop shaped but made so a larger one faced forwards and the other faced backwards and was smaller. The new pokemon was also more fish shaped. It immediately shot a powerful stream of water that struck Grovyle hard in the face. Grovyle, this time, was sent hurtling back and crashing into an empty crate which completely shattered on impact. Grovyle easily returned to its feet but still winced in pain. The leaves on its arms began to glow bright green once again and shot forwards in a quick attack and struck Lantern who easily sent Grovyle back with a Thunder wave. Grovyle stumbled back in pain and he could easily be seen as paralysed. Things were not going good for me now. “Come on Wildvine. Mega drain!” I shouted. Grovyle had lost a lot of speed from being paralysed but she was still pretty fast and the attack connected to Lantern as Grovyle regained some of its energy back by reducing Lantern’s. Grovyle was still paralysed though so he would have to struggle just to dodge. “Wildvine we’ve got to find a way to do more damage. Try using Screech.” Grovyle nodded and let out an ear piercing yell. Lantern flinched slightly but launched a red, black and purple beam which struck Grovyle in the face. No damage seemed to be done to Grovyle. The only difference was it seemed slight uneven on its feet and small purple marks under its eyes. Confusion was now in control over Grovyle, combined with being paralysed this battle was entirely on the other Pokémon’s side. I suddenly remembered something about this pokemon because I’d seen it before. There was on like it the other day at the pokemon vendors stall in the market. He’d called it a Lantern, a water and electric type pokemon that could be tricky to capture. Sadly this was the only information I was given by the vendor. “I need to use an attack that won’t do any harm to Wildvine.” I paused a moment to think. Lantern was lighting up its tear drop antennae which looked like a charge attack. However just as the light began fading Lantern turned towards the ocean and tried to escape, and succeeding. However I followed it to the edge and Grovyle tried as best it could. “Ok Wildvine there’s no way you can fail this attack so please do it. Slam attack the water right above Lantern!” Grovyle leapt into the air and swung its leaf down onto the water’s surface. Lantern was propelled into the air, much like what happened with Magikarp yesterday, except this time it used a Water gun and blasted Grovyle in the face knocking it off balance. When Grovyle turned around so I could see its face, the marks under its eyes had gone meaning she was no longer confused, luckily. Lantern, still in the air, launched a powerful jet of water that hit Grovyle directly in the gut. She was thrown back and hit against a wall leaving an outline imprinted into the wall where she hit. She struggled to her feet with barely any energy left. A green bubble was shot from her arms towards Lantern. As the bubble hit Lantern shrieked in pain as the bubble returned to Grovyle and it appeared her health had been restored. Lantern gave both me and Grovyle a look of hatred. I could tell from looking at the two that neither had the advantage. Grovyle was more health from appearance but she was also being slowed down whereas Lantern only had lower health. I hadn’t noticed before but Grovyle had a green aura around her body. This must have been the effect of her ability Overgrow; boosts grass type attacks when Grovyle is weak such as low on health or paralysed. Lantern took in a deep breath and launched a fury of bubbles at Grovyle. She raised her arms to block the attack and her leaves began to glow ready for when the barrage stopped. Slowly losing health Grovyle continued to shield herself from the bubble beam attack. The bubbles stopped for a split second and Grovyle made her move leaping forwards and swiping at Lantern who was dealt even more damage but Grovyle was too close and was the easy target of a Hydro pump. Once again Grovyle was sent straight at the wall leaving the same imprint only a few inches away. Grovyle was know with the disadvantage. And her entire body flinched for a second as she tried to get up. The paralysis had finally taken over immobilizing Grovyle. “Wildvine!” I called out worried for her. “Get up please.” I called once more. Grovyle’s whole body flinched again, over and over but she continued to try and stand up. A small green bubble was create and thrown at Lantern. Like before, the same happened, except Lantern didn’t lost anywhere near as much health, but Grovyle had regained just enough to give her energy to stand up. The leaves of Grovyle’s arms began to glow dimly as she threw up body forwards. Lantern mimicked and threw itself forwards too in a Takedown attack. The two pokemon collided and each was thrown back from the impact. Grovyle managed to sustain itself by standing next to a box to keep her up; Lantern was struggling badly to stay up. I took my chance and threw the pokeball. Lantern was engulfed by the red light as she was drawn inside. Grovyle looked at the pokeball hoping that it would be a capture as she barely had any fight left in her till she was able to rest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
Ready to be judged
Pokemon: Lantern
Characters: 30,347

Last edited by cryszephyr; 03-05-2007 at 08:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-13-2007, 06:43 AM
EmBreon's Avatar
EmBreon Offline
Killjoy
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: <insert funny>
Posts: 4,492
Send a message via AIM to EmBreon Send a message via MSN to EmBreon
Default Re: CZ's close encounters

Hello there. ^^ Thanks for waiting.

Story/Plot: Well, this was okay, but really not all that original. Your character went fishing, home, into town, home, and then went fishing again. Not much truly happened. There was a lot of stalling; you kind of just wrote things that only made the story longer. While simple storylines like this are perfect for basic and common mons, the writing needs to be stepped up a bit as soon as you start writing for anything above the complex level. In case you haven’t seen it, Galleon has put together a nice list of every Pokemon you can write for, including what authors should expect the difficulty for each to be. Click here for the link.

In my opinion, you should add in some kind of twist in the middle. Like maybe the old man needs your help with something or another. Or, Nikki and Grovyle could enter that contest you were talking about. You can pretty much do anything you want here; there are no boundaries limiting you. It’s very important to be as creative as you can when writing stories because it makes them much more interesting, which basically guarantees a better grade.

Grammar/Spelling: Are you Australian by any chance? ;) Anyway, this wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. I think if you go back and slowly reread your story you’ll find quite a few mistakes. You missed a decent amount of capitalizations in the attacks, and pokemon should be Pokemon. I'd like to point out some things though.

Quote:
Being truthful I was always seen as a bit of a weird person with kids my age whilst growing up so the Treecko was my only friend for a few years until on the past few fishing trips when we started to help my dad by battling the strong water types and eventually Wildvine, as I called her, evolved.
That sentence, like many others, is much too long. You really need to split it up. As soon as you’ve finished talking about your childhood, a new sentence should start. It’s much easier to understand when you separate the passing of time. I probably would have written it like this:


Being truthful, I was always seen as a bit of a weird person with kids my age whilst growing up, so the Treecko was my only friend. A few years later, the pair of us helped my dad during his fishing trips by battling the strong water types. Eventually Wildvine, as I called her, evolved.


There are so many different ways to write things though, so you can edit as you see fit.

I noticed you have a bit of trouble placing commas into the correct parts of some sentences. These are the areas where Word is useless. ;P

Quote:
As both of us pulled whatever was on the other side of the rod let go.
Quote:
However as I turned my back to Grovyle the look it had showed nothing but shock and fear.
Quote:
From the impact water was thrown into the air and so was the Magikarp as it flailed in thin air.
Quote:
For some reason I had always aspired to catching a Gyarados but I also had a large fear over them.
All four of those sentences have the same comma problem - there aren’t any. :P When you start a sentence with an introductory word/clause/or phrase, a comma should always follow. (omg look, it just happened :o) In other words, those same sentences should look like this:


As both of us pulled, whatever was on the other side of the rod let go.

However, as I turned my back to Grovyle, the look it had showed was nothing but shock and fear.

For some reason, I had always aspired to catching a Gyarados, but I also had a large fear over them.

From the impact, water was thrown into the air and so was the Magikarp.


I took off the ending of that last sentence because it sounds better without it, in my opinion. ;)

Quote:
“You ok?” She asked worrying.
Quote:
“Yeah mum I’m ok.” I said standing up brushing any dirt off my black skirt and pink T-shirt.
Dialogue is very tricky. As soon as someone finishes speaking, the period should become a comma, and the following word should be lower-cased (unless of course it’s a name or “I” or something). The reason behind this is because the dialogue is actually part of the sentence describing it. Even if the dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point, the following description would still begin with a lower-cased word as the sentence is still incomplete.


“You ok?” she asked worrying.

“Yeah mum I’m ok,” I said standing up brushing any dirt off my black skirt and pink T-shirt.


Okay, I promise I’m almost done; I just want to show you a few more things. <3

Quote:
Grovyle had already proceeded to leaning against the wall.
There’s no need to add a suffix at the end of a verb following “to”. If you have “to” in front of a verb, it means you leave it in its infinitive form. Examples would be to walk, to sleep, to play, and the list goes on and on. It would sound rather silly to say “I went to sleeping” or something of the sort. Hopefully you understand this a little better. ;)

Quote:
Me and dad would practically have the same argument every day.
This is a big no-no. When referring to yourself and another person, you always state the other person first. My dad and I, My sister and I, PokemonElite2000 and I.... :D A lot of sentences were like that, so I’d suggest you make sure to find them all.

One final thing you need to look at is your paragraph structure. A few of them, especially the very last one, needed to have new paragraphs begin in some places. It would take a while to explain, so I think it would be easier for you to look at how this author wrote her story. Changeling. There are three examples there. ^^ If anything, you should at least read the battles.

Alright, there’s a lot of information here, so I’d be happy to answer any questions if you PM me.

Length: You had enough here. But I think you focused too much on the length of your story, and not enough on the quality. The length is taken into consideration, but it’s really every other aspect of the story that’s more important. In the future, you should consider thinking up a unique plot as opposed to just jotting things down to make your story longer.

Reality: Everything was completely believable, except, I think that Grovyle is a hermaphrodite:

Quote:
This was usually filled with Grovyle’s food as she rarely ate but every now and then she would go to it and take a few bites of the small herb and bread balls.
Quote:
Grovyle ran slightly in front of me and crouched down so I practically fell onto him as he lifted me up and carried me through the long alleyway.
Just be sure to decide on a gender and be consistent. ;P

Battle: Yay, this was the best part. You added a lot of detail, and I liked that you brought in the abilities. You definitely made sure to make the battle two-sided, and that’s a necessity especially when going after an evolved Pokemon. (Ah, that reminds me, Lantern should be Lanturn btw) Anyway, aside from making the paragraph far too long, the battle was great.

Outcome: I’m really sorry, but the storyline simply wasn’t enough for me. Lanturn not captured. Please read my advice, edit this, and I’d be happy to regrade. I can tell by your story that you have written before, and it’s obvious that you’re capable of much more. Don’t give up; it’s worth it in the end. :) PM me as soon as you’ve fixed everything.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:13 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: AlienSector.com