Hello there. <3
Well, this was okay. I can’t say that a Team Rocket storyline has never been done before, but I liked that you had a cave setting instead of the usual forest one. You did include some form of an introduction, and a decent plot, so I don’t really have any major critiques here. I suggest you make the journey a little longer since it would be unusual for everything to happen like that as soon as you entered the cave. In the end it wasn’t extraordinary, but it was okay for a Simple mon.
This was what hurt you the most. Check your computer to see if you have a Word program, it’s really helpful; especially for finding spelling mistakes. You really need to go back and read the story more carefully, as I’m sure you could find many mistakes for yourself.
Right now Michael Is In Vermillion City looking around to see any Interesting sites.
You did this repeatedly. The only time you’d capitalize words like “is” or “in” is when they’re at the beginning of a sentence. Sift through your story and try to find all of these to lower case. That sentence should look like this:
Right now Michael is in Vermilion City, looking around to see any interesting sites.
Another thing I noticed was your dialogue.
"Yes it can." Meowth said.
Speech ending in a period should always be changed to a comma. The writing after it is actually describing the dialogue, so it is considered to be one sentence.
"Yes it can," Meowth said.
After wandering around vigorously to find something to do before heading to his long journey to Fuchsia City.
That sentence is a fragment. When you begin a sentence with “After”, you need to supply information of what actually happened after
. Like, you can’t just say, “After I went to sleep.”
, or “After she left.”
. You have to follow it with an explanation such as, “After I went to sleep, my mother came home.”
, or “After she left, it began to rain.”
If this still doesn’t make sense, go ahead and PM me and I’ll explain further.
I really suggest you get a Word program; they’re very helpful in these situations.
It was enough, but length is the least important aspect of a grade. Try to work harder on the quality of your story instead of just making it longer. Add some details, and maybe even try to make the plot more interesting. The better the storyline, the better the grade. ;)
Well, the only major thing was the fact that Diglett immediately became Michael's friend. Wild Pokemon wouldn’t just appear and immediately help you out. Maybe Michael could help Diglett out in some way and the Pokemon could return the favor. Just try to somehow add some time here and make it more believable.
Eh, where was it? :/ Sure Diglett helped you fight off Team Rocket (Diglett doesn’t learn Rock Blast or
Take Down btw; you may want to go change that), but you need to have an actual battle between one of your Pokemon and Diglett. The ending battle is probably the most important factor, so not having one is a major downgrade. Try to go back and add one in after the fight with Team Rocket. ;)
I’m really sorry, but you need to work a little bit more on your grammar and you definitely need a battle. Diglett not captured.
I really liked the story, just work a little bit more on it and then PM me for a regrade once you’ve finished. Don’t give up!