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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-17-2007, 04:55 AM
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Default That Naughty Cat!

Pokemon to capture: Meowth
Pokemon used for the capture: Vulpix

Part 1

It was a fine day at the region of Kanto. The early sun shone. Many people have just woken up. A boy named Ryan, thirteen-years-old has just woken up by a nightmare. Ryan was a tall boy, but he was very slim. He was always in to electronics. The boy was always worthy, but he had many problems. He has a poor widowed father with him only. Ryan always was lonely, but his friends made him always feel better. The boy just woke up and the young boy walked to his closet to change. He ran into his closet to change into his black-skulled shirt and black flamed jacket, some jeans he never wore, his lucky metallic belt which also had skulls on it, and some boots he wore at his Elementary School Graduation. Ryan now looked awesome. He jumped out of his closet to change into the clothes. He finished in very few minutes as he was in a hurry. Ryan was almost ready, but he forgot to pack. Remembering, he went to his closet and pulled out his black backpack. He stuffed in things he needed. He put in his Pokemon Navigation System, the Pokenav, which held many various things like a map and Match Call. Then he put in his watch, the Poketch, which also held various things such as a step-counter, an Itemfinder, and a Happiness Checker. He knew he was ready now.

"I am ready to start a Pokemon Journey!" The little boy said when he walked out of his room. He slowly stepped down the stairs of the stairway just to hear his father talking to the popular Professor Samuel Oak.

"Hi young one. Your father and I were talking about you," The man said. He stopped talking to Ryan's father to talk to Ryan himself. He pushed Ryan to the seat next to him. "We were talking and your father decided he chose a Pokemon for you. It is really special, take it out." Professor Oak handed Ryan a red-and-white ball called the Pokeball. The Pokeball was used to capture Pokemon and what is used to hold Pokemon.

"Thanks. Now, come out!" Ryan said taking out the Pokemon. He smiled. The Pokemon was awesome!

"Vul, Vulpix!" The Pokemon said. The reddish-fox Pokemon danced around Ryan. It smelled Ryan and remembered his scent. As Ryan walked, Vulpix followed. The Pokemon felt happy.

"How cool. I'll take it." Ryan said. Ryan picked up the Pokemon. The Pokemon suddenly fell asleep on Ryan's hands. Ryan felt comfortable with his new Pokemon. Ryan waited for his father to finish signing many papers as he played with his new Pokemon's face. Ryan knew they would have a great time through-out his journey. It was awesome.

"Okay, Ryan I guess you are ready." The old man said as he took the signed papers and left the house. Vulpix woke up.

Last edited by RawrIsMyMiddleName; 03-18-2007 at 02:14 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-17-2007, 05:42 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Part 2

Ryan smiled. The Pokemon liked him and he liked the Pokemon. "Come on Pixie. It's me, Ryan?" Ryan dropped down Vulpix and then left the house. Vulpix followed him as Ryan thought he would. The Vulpix was jumping on some of the steps it took. It was a joyful Pokemon. Ryan was so interested with the Pokemon. Ryan turned back to adore it. Ryan played with peek-a-boo for a few minutes. Vulpix and Ryan started a friendship! Ryan was happy. He had his first Pokemon and it was all his. He knew he had to take care of it and he knew how. While he thought about many things he needed to do to help Vulpix the sun started to set. It was getting darker. The clouds were quickly passing by the thirteen-year-old boy's face. He was amazed on how nice his beautiful hometown was and was afraid he has to leave it. He always wanted to collect badges from Gym Leaders and Vulpix was already loyal, nice, and joyful to him. Ryan always used to play near the water near his house, he would miss that too. Ryan had many things he would miss. Ryan usually played a lot around his hometown of Pallet Town. Ryan walked around the city thinking about other things he might miss. He looked at everything. He saw all the things in the city that he would miss. As he thought about the things he would miss he sat down with Vulpix. They decided to eat before they started to walk around. Ryan took out some food from his bacpack. They started to eat hamburgers fresh made from his father. Then came out a white cat Pokemon. The Pokemon's name was Meowth. Vulpix wanted to fight it so it stood in battle position. The cat Pokemon just stood there. Ryan was excited too. He always wanted a nice Pokemon like a Meowth. Ryan was ready to battle, but the poor cat looked in bad shape. "Do you want food or something?" Ryan asked. The Pokemon licked off the food Ryan had in his hand. Then Ryan offered his Vulpix some. They took some time to eat and Meowth started to get up. He wanted to battle. "Are you sure you want a battle?" Ryan asked the cat Pokemon.

The Pokemon nodded. "Meowth, Meowth!" It replied. The Pokemon got into position. So did Vulpix. The battle was ready to begin. Ryan had to do it. It was either all or nothing.

"Okay Pixie! Ember!" Ryan screamed. Vulpix did it. It hit a small burst of fire at the little cat Pokemon. Then the Meowth hit back with a Fury Swipes. Ryan noticed that Vulpix was on the floor. "Okay now relax! Now use a Quick Attack for some damage!" Ryan said to his Pokemon. It did what was told again. It hit Meowth and got some damage out. Meowth hit with a Fury Swipes again. Ryan needed to hit again. "Okay, another Quick Attack again!" The Vulpix used another Quick attack. It hit again. The Meowth tried to hit with Fury Swipes again. "Wait for it," Ryan said. "Now, to the side!" Vulpix dodged to the side and made Meowth hit a rock. The cat Pokemon was pretty worn out. "Okay now, we have a chance. Another Ember!" Vulpix did another Ember on the Meowth. Unfortunately, the Pokemon got back up. The Pokemon hit with a Pay-Day. Meowth threw coins at Vulpix. It dodged most, but got hit by one of the biggest. "Oh no Vulpix! Hit back with a Will-O-Wisp!" Ryan shouted. The Pokemon threw a fire to slightly burn the Meowth. Meowth got back up. By now, Ryan thought it was invulnerable. He had to attack again. When he started to think, Meowth hit Vulpix again with a Faint Attack. Vulpix got back up too. "Good job getting up! Now, another Ember will do!" Ryan said to his loyal fox. The Pokemon did another Ember and got Meowth hit again. The Pokemon still got up! With it up, it used Fake Out on Vulpix. Luckily, Vulpix jumped back up again. "Yes. Keep it up with Quick Attack." Ryan said as Vulpix did what was told. The Pokemon Battle was tense. Both Pokemon panted deeply. The Pokemon were still both hurt. The Pokemon felt like they needed to stop. Ryan looked at the Pokemon. He noticed that they were hurt. He knew what to do know. He knew that he always wanted to capture the Meowth. So he had to do what he had to do. The Pokemon he was trying to catch was very sassy. Ryan liked him for that. He appreciated it. The Meowth was crazy. Ryan thought of how it kept on getting back up. He knew that when the Meowth was weak he would have one of the greatest chances of catching it. He couldn't wait for it to be caught. He knew also that this was one great Pokemon.

Last edited by RawrIsMyMiddleName; 03-18-2007 at 02:09 AM.
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  #3  
Old 03-17-2007, 05:58 PM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Part 3

"Ember once more!" Ryan exclaimed. The Meowth was hit by the very strong Vulpix. Meowth got up again though. It came back up with a stron, quick, and hard Fury Swipes. Vulpix and Meowth were still in bad shape. Ryan was nervous. This was a great battle. "Come on Vulpix, Quick Attack again!" The Pokemon did what was told again. It started to hit the Meowth with a Quick Attack. It worked again. Ryan didn't get it. The Meowth would never die. The Meowth got back up again. It hit with Pay-Day again. Luckily, Vulpix only got hit by very few of them. This was scary. Vulpix could of fallen anytime. Meowth was still in bad shape also. "Okay Vulpix Ember again!" Ryan shouted. Vulpix threw fire again. It was still very tired that it didn't give it its all. The Meowth still got back up. It came around Vulpix with various attacks. Ryan was surprised. His Pokemon still got back up and it was pumped. "Good job, Vulpix! Keep it up! Chase it and then Quick Attack and Ember combo!" The Pokemon did exactly what was told. It started to chase the Meowth. All the Meowth was doing was running away from the Fire Fox Pokemon. Then Vulpix boosted up its speed and made a Quick Attack. It hit Meowth and onto the ground. Lastly, Vulpix hit Meowth with an Ember while it was on the ground. Meowth almost fainted. Ryan was surprised once again by the scratch cat Pokemon. It got back up. It came and hit little Vulpix with an ultimate Pay-Day and Faint Attack combo. Vulpix felt like fainting too. It couldn’t take it. It was too difficult for both of the Pokemon to get back up. They heavily panted. It was crazy. Both Pokemon were still tired. They have been tired since about the beginning of the battle. Vulpix and Meowth needed to take a break. They didn’t know what to do. Ryan couldn’t take it. They were so tired neither of them could move. Ryan was so confused. Did he have to attack it again or just throw a Pokeball. After long thinking, Ryan made up his mind. “Vulpix, another Ember to round it up!” Ryan shouted to the fire fox Pokemon. The Vulpix saved the day and threw another Ember at the poor little scratch cat Pokemon. Now it was very weakened. Ryan didn’t know if the Meowth could get up again. It still did. It went up and threw a Fury Swipes attack. It was amazing! It hit Vulpix. Both Pokemon were tired still. Ryan was still confused. He looked at the Meowth again.It was just laying on the floor and couldn't do anything else. "Okay it is our chance. "Now Pokeball, go!" Vulpix and Ryan waited to see if the Pokeball Ryan threw was a success or not. They just stood there. They were scared if it was a capture or if it wasn't. The Pokeball kept on shaking. Ryan felt more scared. Ryan couldn't wait. The Pokeball dinged thirteen more times. Ryan and Vulpix kept waiting. It was tense. Ryan didn't know if he caught it or not. Ryan's teeth chattered. It was tense. The ball was shaking still. Ryan thought it has been shaking forever.

Last edited by RawrIsMyMiddleName; 03-17-2007 at 10:52 PM.
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  #4  
Old 03-17-2007, 06:52 PM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

I'm ready to be graded.
Pokemon to catch: Meowth
Characters: 1,020
Pokemon Level: Complex

Last edited by RawrIsMyMiddleName; 03-18-2007 at 01:20 AM.
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  #5  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:03 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

^_^ This is actually about 9,000 characters. You counted words instead of characters by mistake, I think. :P

Anyway.

Your introduction is good. However, the plot isn't very complex- Boy gets first Pokemon, boy finds a Pokemon, boy catches a Pokemon- and it's a little bit short. Please improve these.

As far as details go, this section was better. You had some of these in your story, which was good. However, the attacks could use a bit more description, and would also give you a bit of length.

Finally, try to fix how you jump around. For example, in one part, you leapt from Ryan being afraid to leave home, to thinking about how Vulpix liked him already, and back to why he didn't want to leave home. Try to organize this in a bit of a more cohesive fashion. Put his reasons for not wanting to leave together, then mention the Vulpix, or find some other way to change this so the similar points are together.


Meowth Not Captured. It was very borderline, but I think it needs a little more detail, and a bit more organization in a few spots, sorry.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #6  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:06 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Could you give me examples so I could edit it?
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  #7  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:07 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Sure, one second.

He found some of his all time favorite clothes and took them out to wear. He ran into his closet to change into his black-skulled shirt and black flamed jacket, some jeans he never wore, his lucky metallic belt which also had skulls on it, and some boots he wore at his Elementary School Graduation.
The order here is a bit odd... He found and took out his clothes, but then ran into his closet to get clothes and change? You might want to combine those two sentences, or take the finding part out of the first one and just have it be him looking for his favorite clothes... And then going into the closet, in the second sentence, and finding them there.

Around where he first speaks, you might want to make a new paragraph. When a new sort of thing is happening, it's a good idea to put in a new Paragraph. He's going downstairs and talking to people, so you could paragraph there. Also, speech usually gets a new paragraph.


"Hi young one. Your father and I were talking about you." The man said.
This is a confusing grammar thing which I hate- I used to make the same mistake alll the time- but the speech should end in a comma in this place. Because the part after the speech ends is like a continuation of the sentence in it. (You said 'the man said', which is still connected to the sentence before. After all, 'the man said' isn't a sentence on its own.) Because of this, it should be "Hi young one. Your father and I were talking about you," The man said.

Just fix these and the little bit of organization I mentioned in the grade, and I'll regrade it to a catch. :) It was quite good on the whole, after all.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-18-2007 at 02:11 AM.
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  #8  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:10 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

I'm editing things. Do you mind if I PM you if i edited the things.
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  #9  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:12 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Noob of all noobs View Post
I'm editing things. Do you mind if I PM you if i edited the things.
Go ahead. ^_^ But they do need to be put into the story here once you're sure the edits are right, so the story is fixed.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #10  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:17 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

I think I changed some things. Please re-grade. Please state any other mistakes.
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  #11  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:19 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

All fixed. =D Much better. ;) Try to add more detail and make your next story a little longer. However, you've improved here a lot, soo... Meowth Captured.

Congratulations with the amazingly pwnful Pokemon. ^_^
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #12  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:20 AM
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Default Re: That Naughty Cat!

Yay! To my stats!
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