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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-17-2007, 09:48 PM
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Default The Pokemon Festival

Pokemon trying to Capture: Aron
Pokemon Used for Capture: Squirtle


It was a clear and sunny day as I was looking up into the sky. I had a squirtle. I was so happy, but I really wondered. It was easy getting Squirtle. He was just given to me. Catching pokemon in the wild wasn't going to be anywhere near as easy. As I walked into the next town I kept thinking on how I was going to catch my next Pokemon or which one I even wanted next. I was walking and then I saw banners and rides. The banners showed 1 pokemon. A different one on each banner. Each one showed the pokemon attacking another one. One said The Pokemon Brigade Performing Live Tonight. The roller coaster was so high I thought it went into the clowns. The Merry-Go-Round had pokemon on top of it. Each one with a different symbol on it that was from the zodiac calendar. I walked over to the nearest person and asked
"What’s going on here with all the banners and rides?" I said.
The man replied and said "It's our annual summer festival. Every year we hold a festival for summer because it's when many of the pokemon return to the forest."
"Wow. That must be fun for everyone in the town." I said.
"That isn't the only fun part. On the first day of the festival, which is tonight, the main event happens. The Pokemon Hunt. It's where everyone signs up for the contest. They show the people all there pokemon. Then everyone goes out to catch pokemon in the forest. Whoever catches the secret pokemon which is a certain one, Wins a prize." The man said.

"Wow that is so awesome. People must enter it for the prize. I said."
“Actually people don't care for the prize. Everyone mostly enters the contest to just catch pokemon. Not win the prize. Everyone enjoys just the fun of the events here. By the way my name is John."
"Where do I enter this contest John?"
"You are entered right now. I am the coordinator. If you can just tell me what pokemon you have you will be all set to go for the contest."

“Well the thing is I only have one pokemon. That’s my squirtle."
"That is just fine. The contest will start tonight at seven so make sure you are there and ready to go."
"No problem we'll be ready. See you then John."
As I walked away I started to think. This is exactly what I needed. *Grrrrrrr* Uh oh. Looks like I'm going to need to get some food first.

(An hour later)

Wow this town is alive on these days. I wonder if this just on the days of the festival. I couldn't believe it. I had never seen a town so together. My hometown was never so together. I remembered how the biggest get together we had in our hometown was a block party. Kids here must love this kind of stuff. Even the parents must enjoy this. It mad me more anxious to see it tonight when everything would be lit and all the aromas would be out. I kept wondering. Would Squirtle be able to handle whatever pokemon were in the forest. What if Squirtle had to face something like a Charizard or a Scyther? Theres no way he could handle those two pokemon. Was I getting in over my head here? I was just a new trainer. Maybe I should wait till Squirtle was more trained and had more practice. No. I had to remind myself that Squirtl would probably have to face the same pokemon in the wild. If there was a better time to get started it was now. This is where Squirtle would probably get the best training as we head out into the real world. I decided to go walking by the forest wondering how many pokemon are in it during the middle of the time that the pokemon were there. It was then when I was looking in the forest I saw it. It was shining It also had eyes. Then as soon as it had appeared it was gone. I was scared but then, all I could think of was what was that in the forest. It seemed to scare me, but I had to wonder. Was it a pokemon that I had seen?

(Later that Night)

As I walked back into the street where the rides and festivals were it was much different looking then it looked in the morning. The once non lit bulbs were giving of 20 different colors. It reminded me of the Northern Lights. This place was glowing even more than in the morning. The rides were lit and if they were shining any brighter I would have need sunglasses. I didn't believe I was even in the same place. It was like someone had come and done an overhaul of the place. I could smell hot dogs, hamburgers, cotton candy, and lemonade. I felt like I was in heaven. It was at that moment a booming voice came over intercoms all over the place.
"If you are in the Festival Pokemon Contest please report to the gates that lead to the forest."
It was time for the contest to begin. I ran to the gates to see about 100 trainers there. It was then that I saw John getting on top of a building.
"Alright everyone. On you mark. Get set. Catch some pokemon." The moment he said that the gates opened and everyone rushed into the forest. As everyone was running out John shouted out that we only had 3 hours to catch a pokemon. I walked through the forest. It looked so alive and lit from all the lights of the festival. If all the pokemon were supposed to return to the forest today though it didn't seem like it. The forest looked more dead then a ghost town. It had only been thirty minutes, but I hadn't seen a single pokemon. The only thing I was seeing were trees that looked spooky and trainers getting frustrated because they couldn't find any pokemon. One hour after the event had started and I had only seen a few people catch pokemon. They were screaming and jumping. I kept journing farther into the forest. The trees were beginning to look like someone who was going to grab me. The forest all the way over here was barely lit like back the part back by the gates. One hour and thirty minutes later after the contest started. I had felt that all hope was lost at finding a pokemon. I didn't even know if I could get back to the gate it had become so dark. When I was starting to turn back I saw it. Faint glow coming from the festival revealed it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a pokemon. It was an Aron. Then I realized it. Aron was the figure I had seen in the forest earlier in the day. I had to do it. It was my one shot to catch a pokemon.
"Let's kick it. Come on out Squirtle. Squirtle use water gun."
"Squirtle Squirtleeeeeeee."
Arrrrrrrr."

After that attack Aron was sent back flying at a tree. Aron started to run towards squirtle using a tackle.
"Squirtle dodge it."
Squirtle had no time to move and squirtle was sent on to his back.
"Squirtle. Can you stand up?"
"Squirtle Squirtle."

Squirtle jumped up ready to attack.
"Squirtle use bubble and then tackle at him in full speed."
Squirtle charged off at him from doing an astounding bubble attack. Squirtle ran hard and hit Aron. Aron tried to counter by doing a tackle. They collided and were both sent flying. I stared at Squirtle. He was lying on the ground and not moving. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. He was sweating and Aron looked just as tired. I was going to have to take Squirtle back. He couldn't take much more. I was about to retract Squirtle when he stood up.
"Squirtle Squirtle."
"Squirtle. Can you still fight."
"Squirtle."

I was astounded. Such a little pokemon had more strength than any pokemon I've seen before. Squirtle wouldn't stop fighting until I was going to stop. No matter how exhausted he was he wouldn't stop. I remebered though that I had said to myself earlier that Squirtle will get his best training here. Idon't know how, but I felt that Squirtle knew that too. Like he could really understand me.
"All right lets do this together and win. I know we can beat this Aron just by working together. We're not gonna stop."
Aron was still standing, but just barely. I hoped this attack would work. I thought him and Squirtle were going to fall at any minute. They were sweating so hard and looked so tired.
"SQUIRTLE!!! Tackle at Aron at full speed!"
Squirtle charged right at Aron. While he was charging I felt like I was attacking Aron too. Like our energy and power had combined. When Squirtle hit him and Aron was flown back and hit another tree I felt like I had hit Aron too. Definetly a lot harder than the last time. Aron looked like he was knocked out. I decided it was now or never to capture Aron.
"All right poke ball. Capture Aron. Hah."
It was then that it was the moment of truth. The ball was rolling on the ground. I was more nervous that ever before. Every time it shook I grew more anxious. I don't know what I would do if I didn't capture it. It shaked once. Twice and.....




Regrade
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Last edited by Diesel 34; 03-18-2007 at 04:49 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-18-2007, 02:50 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Your story is really not long or complex enough for an Aron. Please space your story out, remembering to start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks, and add to this story. Also, in your battle, you had barely any attacks towards the very end bit near the capture, and did not describe the attacks at all. I'm sorry, but this isn't really long enough for a formal grade, let alone a capture.

Aron not Captured.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #3  
Old 03-18-2007, 03:39 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Whew It's ready for a regrade
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  #4  
Old 03-18-2007, 03:45 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Please put your speech in "these" signs, so it is clear when someone is talking. Tghouts should be indentified somehow as well, though the ways to do this vary. Also, actions, such as attacks, should be described a bit more. What do the surrondings look like? What about the Pokemon? Is it an easy fight, or is sweat dripping from them as they are locked in combat?

This story is not long or detailed enough... And you still need to fix the grammar and such. For example, I was so happy, but I really wondered. is not a complete sentence. Who was wondering? What were they wondering?

Try to vary descriptions, too. You spoke multiple times of banners and rides, but didn't describe them. Set the scene. Imagine the place you are talking about, and tell us the details. What does your character notice first? The delicious, sugary smell of fairy-pink cotton candy, freshly made? The site of a fearsome and noisy rollercoaster? Perhaps a petting zoo full of children and delightful (Or smelly) animals? Try to make the scene seem real. Describe it like you would to someone who had never seen that sort of place before.

Aron not captured.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #5  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:26 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

It's ready for a regarde again. Whoo. I will not stop tilll I have an Aron. I will keep working.
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  #6  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:30 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

:D Much better. Your story is mostly fixed, and very good. However, it's about 3k short of the minimum for an Aron... If you could add just a bit more, I'd appreciate it.

That's a good attitude, though. I'm glad to see you're going to go through with this. Take your time if needed, I've got plenty of it. =)

;) For a first story, this is quite good. And no need to worry about not getting it on the first try... You're doing much better than a lot of newcomers, and you have the right attitude. Just give it one more shot- You're sooo close.
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My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #7  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:51 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Regrade yet again
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  #8  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:53 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Much, much better.
Your story is almost 9K. Technically, you are supposed to shoot for 10K. For a first story, however, this is okay, and the small loss of length doesn't really matter.

You've made many corrections, which was good. ^_^ Aron Captured. In the future, try to check your grammar and spacing more carefully, and add a few more details. =)
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #9  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:56 AM
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Default Re: The Pokemon Festival

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireflyK View Post
Much, much better.
Your story is almost 9K. Technically, you are supposed to shoot for 10K. For a first story, however, this is okay, and the small loss of length doesn't really matter.

You've made many corrections, which was good. ^_^ Aron Captured. In the future, try to check your grammar and spacing more carefully, and add a few more details. =)
All right thanks so much for all your help. Excuse Me. * Moves into the next room* YES I GOT ARON! WAHOO!!!!
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