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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-18-2007, 04:54 AM
Negative Zone's Avatar
Negative Zone Offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
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Default Useless Fishy~Ready for Grade!

Pokemon to catch: Magikarp.
Characters: Dusty and Mira (Larvinator)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had just made it to Dewford Town. This place is beautiful! I thought. I looked out at the ocean. "Goes on forever, doesn't it Claw?" I asked.

"Meowth," Claw said.

"Yeah. I wonder when I'll catch my first Pokemon too," I said.

"Meowth," Claw said.

"No. We can go training later. Right now we have to get to the Pokemon Center," I said.

"Meowth," Claw said.

Soon they were at the Pokemon Center. Nurse Joy took Claw to heal him. I went outside to see if there were any Pokemon to catch. Maybe I can catch a fish! I thought. I ripped out my Old Rod and went fishing. I got a
bite. "Whoa! It's a Tenacool! Pokeball go!" I said as I took out a Pokeball. It didn't even wiggle and it popped out.

"Tentacool!" It screeched as it left.

I headed back to the Pokemon Center.

"Your Meowth is doing great! It's all healed now. Goodbye!" Nurse Joy said.

"Bye!" I said as a waved. "Claw! Come on out!"

"Meow!" Claw said.

"Yeah. I saw a Tentacool. Come on. We're going to find something else. Maybe a Wailmer! Or Kyogre!" I yelled excited.

Claw gave me a skeptical look.

"It could happen." I said as I casted my rod again. It took a couple minutes but I got a bite! "Whoa! What is it!" A Magikarp popped out. I tried throwing a Pokeball but it popped out. "Maybe next time we should weaken it."

"Meow," Claw said as he started using Slash on nothing.

"Yep. Just like that," I said looking for a battle. I saw a girl with a Pidgey. "Hey! Wanna battle?"

"Me? Sure!" said the girl.

"Great! What's your name?" I asked.

"Mina," she said.

"I'm Dusty," I said.

"Great! Let's go Skyhawk!" Mina said as her Pidgey flew into "battle ready".

"And I'll choose Claw!" I said as Claw stepped forward. "Use Slash!"

Claws extended out of Claw's hands as he charged in to attack.

"Use Wing Attack!" Mina said.

Skyhawk's wings turned white as it came to strike me.

I calculated the percentages in my head.

Claw uses Slash.

Skyhawk uses Wing Attack.

Skyhawk: 58%
Claw: 71%


"Use the same attack!" Mina yelled.

"Alright! You use the same as well!" I said.

Claw uses Slash.

Skyhawk uses Wing Attack.

Skyhawk: 37%
Claw: 43%


"Well. I might win and might lose," Mina said. "Use Wing Attack!"

"Use your Slash!" I said.

Skyhawk: 6%
Claw: 14%


Skyhawk was looking low on health.

"Well. It's been a good match. Looks like you win. Quick Attack!" Mina said.

"Yep. Use Slash," I said.

Skyhawk uses Quick Attack.

Claw fainted.

Mina's and my mouths dropped open.

"Did I really just win?" Mina asked.

"Yeah," I said.

We burst out laughing.

"Well. I better take Claw to the Pokemon Center," I said.

"And I should take Skyhawk," Mina said.

"Yep. Well let's go," I said. A while later our Pokemon were healed. "May we meet again."

"Yep," Mina said as she waved.

I went back to fishing. It was a Magikarp again! "Claw use Slash! And dodge any attacks!"

"Karp!" The Magikarp yelled as it was hit. It used a Tackle.

"Meow!" Claw yelled as it was hit.

"Try a Fake Out!" I yelled.

The Magikarp flinched from the attack.

"Now use a Bite Attack!" I yelled.

The Magikarp was knocked out. I threw a Pokeball. 1...2...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story ready for grading! This was typed out on the forum. Nowhere else.
__________________
Don't forget.
Always, somewhere,
someone is fighting for you.
As long as you remember her,
you are not alone.



Last edited by Negative Zone; 03-18-2007 at 05:51 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-18-2007, 01:53 PM
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Default Re: Useless Fishy~Ready for Grade!

First of all, please don't put ready for grade in the title. It should go in the text of your story, right before the story begins, NOT in the title.

Your story lacks and introduction, and also a hook. All of a sudden, from nowhere, unknown people are arriving in Dewford. Generally, it is a good idea to begin with a brief part about the characters. Try to remember to put all five of the W's in the start of your story- Who, what, where, when, and why. Who is involved? What are they doing? Why, where, and when are they doing it? These are important.

Using Pokespeech can be hard, but try to get a bit of variety, rather than just using 'Meowth' or 'meow' every time. You don't have to write it in English, but it can be helpful if you do- Just use a different thing around it, or different color, so people know it is speaking its own language, which you wrote in English just so the readers could understand. Otherwise, do try to switch it up a bit.

Your grammar was, on the whole, very good. One thing I noticed, however, was you used Casted, instead of cast. It's an odd word, and an exception to the rule, but it should be cast, not casted. This is sort of like taught instead of teached- It doesn't seem to make much sense, but then, that's the English language for you. ~_~

The number use was interesting- I rarely see people calculate out the battles like that. If you like to, that's fine, but try to include description, too. Also, Fake Out must be used the first turn of the battle, not after other attacks.

I was very on the edge for this story. However, for a Magikarp, this just made it. Try to improve on your details and introductions in the future, but for this time, Magikarp Captured.
__________________

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.



I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.
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  #3  
Old 03-18-2007, 03:26 PM
Negative Zone's Avatar
Negative Zone Offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
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Default Re: Useless Fishy~Ready for Grade!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireflyK View Post
First of all, please don't put ready for grade in the title. It should go in the text of your story, right before the story begins, NOT in the title.

Your story lacks and introduction, and also a hook. All of a sudden, from nowhere, unknown people are arriving in Dewford. Generally, it is a good idea to begin with a brief part about the characters. Try to remember to put all five of the W's in the start of your story- Who, what, where, when, and why. Who is involved? What are they doing? Why, where, and when are they doing it? These are important.

Using Pokespeech can be hard, but try to get a bit of variety, rather than just using 'Meowth' or 'meow' every time. You don't have to write it in English, but it can be helpful if you do- Just use a different thing around it, or different color, so people know it is speaking its own language, which you wrote in English just so the readers could understand. Otherwise, do try to switch it up a bit.

Your grammar was, on the whole, very good. One thing I noticed, however, was you used Casted, instead of cast. It's an odd word, and an exception to the rule, but it should be cast, not casted. This is sort of like taught instead of teached- It doesn't seem to make much sense, but then, that's the English language for you. ~_~

The number use was interesting- I rarely see people calculate out the battles like that. If you like to, that's fine, but try to include description, too. Also, Fake Out must be used the first turn of the battle, not after other attacks.

I was very on the edge for this story. However, for a Magikarp, this just made it. Try to improve on your details and introductions in the future, but for this time, Magikarp Captured.
Yes! And all of tips you gave will help me in the future.
__________________
Don't forget.
Always, somewhere,
someone is fighting for you.
As long as you remember her,
you are not alone.


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