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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.

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Old 03-18-2007, 04:40 PM
FireflyK's Avatar
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Default Rousseau's Ekans {A Ben story}

(READY FOR GRADING. A Pokemon for ME for once, yay! ^_^ Anyway, Rousseau was that 'back to nature' philosophy guy... So he might have liked Ekan's simple, not-formally-educated, intelligence. It's about 5.5K I believe. )

Off in the distance, a very unusually shaped gray rock shifted, as though leaning in towards the rippling ocean waves it was watching. It took Ekans a few moments to realize it was not actually, a rock, but a rock with a grey-clothed boy sitting atop it.

A new trainer, from the looks of him, and his age. Ekans was not surprised at the odd outfit- People wore the most outlandish things, but they were even worse when they were young and away from adults. Curious, the Pokemon slithered closer, and spotted the Caterpie lying on the ground near the boy.

Knowing that even young boys weren't usually that fond of Caterpie, as while they were 'cool' bugs they were weak and their evolved form was rather feminine looking, Ekans slithered closer. If it had been a Weedle, he would have been cautious. However, he highly doubted that the little Caterpie belonged to, or even was a concern of, the boy. It was likely that he would like to see it be eaten, in fact, as humans seemed to enjoy bloodshed. After all, they did capture and fight with Pokemon.

Slinking forwards, Ekans slowly moved out of the bushes it was hidden in. The Pokemon casually moved along, hoping to avoid being sighted- and perhaps attacked- by the boy and whatever Pokemon he might have.

"It's a pretty day out, isn't it?..." the boy said, and the words sounded distantly, meaninglessly, in Ekan's hearing receptors. However, he took it as a cue anyway, and pounced, jaws opening, dripping purple flood and drool.

Caterpie didn't run, however, as expected. Instead, the cheeky Pokemon shot string at Ekan's mouth, clogging it with a ball of webbing. Gagging on it before managing to spit it out, he hissed, flinging the purple-stained stuff aside with his tail.

"Die" Ekans hissed at the Caterpie, not bothering with his usual eloquence. The Pokemon delicately flicked his tail, sounding the rattle on it. Again, however, Caterpie was not perturbed. He was a bit startled, but rather than fleeing, he simply slid forwards, then attached one suction-cupped foot to Ekans.

"Hm?" the human said, finally looking up from his deep concentration on the fascinating, salt-and-fish-poop-filled substance he had been examining. "Caterpie!" He bellowed, leaping up.

'His feet are more frightening than his Pokemon,' Ekans thought, as Ben had yet to call out a single Pokemon. The Caterpie, however, might have been his, for it looked to him for instructions as it clung to Ekans' body.

To Ekans' surprise, Ben actually pulled Caterpie off him. However, this didn't last long. Even though the human seemed to own Caterpie, Ekans noted that he was still willing to send it back into danger. Typical of some humans- they used the Pokemon they captured, forcing them to obey with Pokeballs, and treating them as replacable. This boy, however, seemed to be more stupid than malicious. Ekans had lost its appetite, anyway. It was easier when the Pokemon had no chance to express emotion before being devoured.

Knowing pride was not important, Ekans simply slid away, off to find something else to fill his stomach. The Pokemon was a loner by nature, and didn't want anything to do with Caterpie, or the human whom he obeyed, if he wasn't going to get food from them. Nor would he accept the pathetic imitation of food that trainers slopped their Pokemon with.

"Oi! Wait!" Ben shouted after the Pokemon. He half-placed, half-threw Caterpie on the ground near it. Assuming Caterpie, if it was stupid enough to attack, was no threat anyway, Ekans ignored it.

"String shot," the human called, and Ekans scoffed. After all, if he was going to get into a ridiculous fight, sure to be disastrous for him, he might as well use a real attack. Poison could easily dissolve the string, just as it had before.

It occured to him belatedly, as the white threads wound their way around his closed mouth, that he had underestimated Caterpie's intelligence. Again, he'd made the mistake of thinking like a human, rather than using his natural, untamed cunning. Muffled and effectively disabled by the String Shot, he thrashed about like a Magikarp out of the water, before lashing out with his tail. Caterpie, however, wasn't thrown back. It absorbed the blow, latching onto Ekans' tail and clinging with the admirable perseverance of a mongoose.

Finally, knowing he would tire soon anyway, Ekans gave up, and ceased thrashing. Caterpie, however, wasn't content to let this go, and the human was actually showing patience. He ordered another string shot, rather than trying to capture Ekans right away.

Now bound from eyes to tail, Ekans couldn't move at all. He could breathe and blink, but that was it. However, when he saw a dreaded Pokeball being pulled out, he still resisted, making a spitting noise behind the blockage holding his mouth closed, and stared malevolently at Ben and Caterpie. The glare froze them in place for a moment, but eventually, tearing his eyes away, Ben threw the Pokeball.

The red light, disturbingly, had no feel. It blinded him, but Ekans kept his eyes open. However, he didn't even know it was pulling him into the Pokeball until he was there, for there was no tugging feeling, not even a vague one. He was disoriented, at first, by the change of sensation- The sudden quiet, and the lack of the sun's warmth- but still, he fought. Unfortunately, the Pokeball was cool within, and he cold-blooded. Slowly, he began to move less and less, accepting, for the moment, confinement. Unless he thought of something sneaky, he would indeed be trapped.

'That doesn't mean it's permanent.'

My hands have yet to build a village, have yet to find water in the barren desert, have yet to plant a flower, and I have yet to find the path that leads me... I have not loved enough, but the wind and the sun are still on my face.

I have yet to sow green fields, yet to raise a city, yet to plant a grapevine on each chalky hill... There is so much to build and so much to be, and my love is just beginning.

Last edited by FireflyK; 03-18-2007 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 03-29-2007, 08:29 PM
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Strawberry Maelstrom Offline
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Default Re: Rousseau's Ekans {A Ben story}

You may be a story-writing machine Fire, but I resolved to be a story grading machine. :P Expect the grade shortly.

Plot: *sobs* The plot was poetic. You described the story from a strange point-of-view, that of a Pokemon. I enjoyed reading what the Pokemon thought a Pokeball was for. I almost broke down in tears reading when the Ekans gave up. I doubt I'll be able to write a story using a Pokeball capture for a while without crying.

Grammar: Not too much wrong here. The only thing really wrong was "replacable." Despite popular relief, it is spelled "replaceable." Nice job on the grammar.

Detail: The detail was enough to give me a vibrant picture of what was going on. I could see the purple snake slithering towards the unsuspecting Caterpie. I could see the Caterpie latched onto the snake. I could feel the nothingness that Ekans felt, trapped inside the Pokeball. I didn't even have to close my eyes after each paragraph to develop a mental image. Nice work here as well.

Length: Indeed, 5.5k. You barely broke the 5k minimum. You did okay here.

Battle: Although it was a bit short, you did an excellent job describing the string shot and the poison burning the web. I liked how you found a way to give the underdog the victory. Normally, String Shot would be used to bind the opponent so that they could be hit with a highly inaccurate attack. You found a way to transform the attack into a way to make capturing the Pokemon easier. Nice work.

Success: I felt the story deep down in my heart. You did a wonderful job describing and checking for grammar mistakes. Your length broke the minimum.

Ekans Captured! Congratulations on another job well done Firefly.

Diamond Friend Code

Last edited by Strawberry Maelstrom; 03-29-2007 at 08:48 PM.
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