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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-21-2007, 04:23 AM
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Default La Puppeteer [PG-13]

CHAPTER 1: La puppet, et la puppeteer.



It was a quiet day in Lyon, a very quiet day in Lyon, no one heard anyone speak, someone could talk, but no one would listen. The birds even seamed to have stopped singing, for personal reasons, and the city had fallen a hush, for the city had now experienced a very shocking truth about their famous puppeteer. The city was darkened by over seeing clouds, very dark clouds, for a very dark day. The buildings were new, well, new for that time period, and the people were like angels, now turned into destroyed, and distrusted human beings, after experiencing such a horrible fact. The city was a dim grey, from the buildings being made of stone and rock, and for the darkened day of June 12th, 1721. The streets, empty, the stores, closed, the churches, silent, everything was as if Lyon disappeared. The river moved slowly and cautiously, aware of the bewitched town and its rotten memories that lie beyond the walls and into the theater, where memorizing people was very common, with operas, plays, but most importantly, puppet shows.


All the people in town had gathered amongst the fountain in the middle of the little dim city, for this is where another horrible tragedy happened about their beloved puppeteer, who did shows, plays, and attractions to bring wealth, and happiness to the town, which he did, and tried to do, but in doing so, has done a dirty, terrible deed, in which, he made himself go, to go where many people have gone, but never have come back. He is gone, along with the joy, and happiness of the town, and all of its blissfulness. When he had passed away, the last thing he did was curse the town, and grabbed its felicity and took it with him, gone to a world beyond of what we know. But this is not where the story begins, no this is where it had ended, the beginning was more of a happy place, more grand and full of joy. That is where the story begins.



~To be continued~
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  #2  
Old 03-22-2007, 02:30 AM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]



March 3rd, 1720, in the city of Lyon there was a theater built, and just recently opened, to attract people for their money, and wealth. The theater was a grand building, very tall, and very wide. It looked like a gothic church, like the one in Paris, but smaller, and less detailed. Gargoyles hung from the side of the dark and groom place, which made it seam as if it were being guarded by demons, but a good kind of demon, if there is so is one. It was a grayish color, for paint and great building made of wood weren't invented yet, so they had to make it from stone, which was brought from the southern part of Persia. Inside there were giant chandeliers that swung on a magnificent chain attached to the ceiling above, and stood there, silent, and still. The seats were made from a soft cotton, and turned to a red color made from pigment, and charcoal. The stage, a wondrous place, wide and was able to spread words easily throughout the theater. This wonderful place was called, "Le Merveilleux Theatre" that means, "The Marvelous Theater".


Later on in that year, just about three months later, more and more operas were being held there, and more and more plays were being played there. No one thought the theater would be used for a puppet show, until one man suddenly came into town, after hearing about the brane new theater. The man walked around town wearing a grey rounded hat, with a golden design on it, to make it look more expensive, and more valuable. He wore a long grey cape, which was ripped at the end, and covered most of his body. People could tell what his pants looked like, for the cape ended at his heals. They were a nice wolf grey dress pants, which people would wear to parties, or maybe church on some rare occasions. His shoes were black, dressy, and pointed at the end. They clicked, and clacked when they hit the stone brick ground on the streets, and made an annoying sound when the man would walk faster to stop people from staring at the odd sight. He was also, a bit paler than normal people, and most of the people from the city thought he was from the north, since he was so pale.


The strange man walked into "Le Merveilleux Theatre" with no pacients, and mostly with a rush in his way of walking. The manager, whose name was Françoise, welcomed the man as he said,
"Bonjour monsieur, what can I do for you?" The strange man in the long grey cape said,
"Oui, I want to do a performance here, a special kind, for the people, and this wonderful town." The manager smiled greatly and replied,
"Oh, why yes, of course, but what kind of show, and did you bring your own actors?" The grayish strange man looked at the manager quickly in the eyes and said,
"No, I do puppet shows, and my actors are made of wood, and cloths." The manager, Françoise, looked at the strange man quite, puzzled, for he had never seen a puppet show be done in a theater before, he had seen one in Paris in Montmart, and at other streets near it as street performers, but never in a theater. Françoise said,
"I'll need to see the, the a, puppet show, before I hire you and your, uh, puppets, I will also like to know your name." The strange man in the grey cape replied with ease, and a sigh of relief,
"I would be glad too, and my name is, Rousseau." The strange man looked down by Françoise’s side and saw Françoise had a pokemon, his pokemon was an Eevee. Rousseau knew that his Houndour would love to chew up that little brown and white fluff ball of his.
"Do you use, or have any pokemon?" Françoise question Rousseau. Rousseau answered with a slight smile, which you wouldn't be able to tell from his cloak had also covered part of his face.
"Yes, a Houndour, a Roselia, a Trapinch, and a Koffing." Françoise gave a great smile, which looked good on his, for he looked like one of those old time butlers, that would do your every command, even the most sickened, and horrid of things.


Françoise stepped to the side and said,
"Please, become comfortable and take off that cape, or cloak." Rousseau looked around, observing his new place and wanted it to become his palace, and knew what he could do with the atmosphere of the area. He then replied with a sudden,
"Oui, oui, yes, I will, just give me one moment." Rousseau said without looked at Françoise. He then looked down at his shoes, then over at Françoise and swung his arms around himself, and took of the grey cloak. Underneath was a black and white stripped shirt, with suspenders to hold up his dress pants, but not too high. He also took off his hat, and out came his curly long red hair, and went down to the bottom of his ears, and swayed back and fourth, side to side when ever he walked, or made movement.
"Here," Rousseau said, handing the cloak and hat to an employee at the theater,
"take care of it, alright?" The employee took the cloak and hat and rushed off to put it away, without a word.


Rousseau started walking forward and entered the large and wondrous theater, which could summon a god with its beauty. He created a loud sound using his breath, and cupping his lips together in a circular shape as to make a whistling sound. The whistle echoed threw the theater, and dissipated in a few seconds afterward.
"Yea, this is the right place for it." Rousseau though in his mind of mysterious wanders, and thoughts. Then a grayish blob caught his attention back in a corner behind the curtain, and behind the stage. Rousseau turned his head to see what it was, but it had disappeared before he could contemplate what it was, and able to figure out a little mystery that has now started, but will end very quickly as Rousseau's curiosity got to him, and he started walking down the ally way between the chairs and seats, pacing himself, not in a hurry, but also racing to his wants, and curiosity.
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  #3  
Old 03-22-2007, 04:17 AM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]




Rousseau had a wide range of curiosity, and always fell for what ever intrigued him, and that is why he had come to Lyon, from his curiosity. He took a pokeball from out of his pants pocket and enlarged it and threw it in mid air pushing the small button on the middle of it as it flew softly threw the heavy air. It opened up and out came a dark and silver puppy pokemon, with a sly look across its face. The dark puppy pokemon was a Houndour, the one Rousseau was thinking of before.
"Houndour, be on guard, maintenant." Rousseau said intensely now becoming a little bit frightened of the dark figure from before. Rousseau jumped on the stage and slowly crept up to the back area of the theater with Houndour not far behind. Rousseau heard some commotion coming from behind the curtains as he slowly and quietly snuck up on it and finally reached the edge with Houndour right at his side. Rousseau jumped around the corner, and Houndour did as well in a ready position to fight, and ready to throw an enormous amount of fire at what ever could be behind the curtains. Rousseau stood there as he saw a little grey Shuppet floating around and now had jumped from being started by Rousseau and Houndour. The Shuppet stood there in mid air shocked, and wide eyed, staring at Rousseau, as Rousseau stared back, with a little bit of shock, for he was expecting some more than just a Shuppet, maybe a Dusclops, or a Gangar, but no, just a simple Shuppet pokemon.


The ghostly grey pokemon finally awoke from its drift of startle ness and now was beginning to fight. The little ghost Shuppet went back by a few inches and shot a black and purple lightning bolt from both eyes at Houndour, only to inflict a little bit of pain, for it was a ghost type attack called night shade, and ghost type attacks aren't very effective agents dark type pokemon, like Houndour. Houndour shook his head blowing away the little black electricity ghost attack and stood their, a bit mad from Shuppet attacking without warning, but at the same time happy that he could finally fight for once, for Houndour hasn't fought in a while.
"Oh, so you want a fight, do you? Fine then that's alright with me, if I catch you then you won't be lurking in the shadows of the theater during plays and what not, am I right?" Rousseau said to the little puppet ghost pokemon as Shuppet glared at Rousseau with suspicious and puzzled look.
"Alright, Houndour, use flamethrower, but try not to start a fire inside the theater!" The dark fiery puppy pokemon nodded in agreement of not burning down the wonderful building and blew out an amazing stream of fire toward the little grey ghost pokemon and hit it, with tremendous force. Shuppet tried and shake off the blast of fire, but unfortunately it was burned from the super heated flamethrower attack. The little ghostly puppet pokemon fought back with a very powerful will-o-wisp attack and burn the small dark puppy pokemon. A little blue ember from the will-o-wisp attack hit the ground, and a small flame started. The blue flame got bigger and bigger until Rousseau noticed a heat from beside him and turned to see what was happening. He saw the blue flame and panicked; he kicked the flame and stopped on it, and finally put it out.
"This is getting out of hand if things are starting to catch fire." Rousseau thought after he put out the blue fire the little Shuppet had originally started.


"Let's finish this Houndour, faint attack, and then use a flamethrower to blast him back!" Rousseau commanded his dark fiery puppy pokemon to do, as to stop the fight, so things in his new home wouldn't be destroyed. This was actually a good plan, Houndour would get up close and hit the Shuppet in a weak point, which would also be super effective, and then while it is up close blast it with a giant flame from flamethrower so nothing else would get hit by the fire and burn up into a pile of ash.
"Go, let's do it, now!" Rousseau demanded his pokemon to attack quickly. Houndour quickly ran to the left, then to the right, stopped, jumped to the left, disappeared, then reappeared to the right of Shuppet and tackled it with a extremely strong dark type attack then opened his mouth and let out a giant blast of fire and embers that slammed Shuppet down to the ground, without catching anything on fire, gladly.
"Alright, now to get ride of you, you little ghostly puppet!" Rousseau said as he started to throw a small grey and black ball that enlarged in contact of his fingers and opened up when it hit the Shuppet, and the ghost pokemon was materialized inside of it.
"Yea, now, what happeneds next?" Rousseau asked no one, but still asked a question. The little pokeball swerved side to side, once, twice, Rousseau remembered this when he caught his other three pokemon at first, catching it as it swayed to the left, and to the right as you would wait for it to stop, or open again.
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  #4  
Old 03-22-2007, 04:19 AM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]

~*~*~*Ready For Grade*~*~*~
~*~*Characters: 12,655*~*~
~*Pokemon: Shuppet*~
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Old 03-29-2007, 04:25 AM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]

Wow, you are another little story machine, aren't ya? I think we should start calling you Firefly Jr. ;P

Story/Plot: I'm a big fan of "back in time" plots. I've written one myself. :) And I really like stories that are original and unique; "Goes into forest and finds Pokemon" stories get really old really fast. This was a very nice small mystery-type plot and I really enjoyed it. I think it's cool how you included some French in it too. Also, is there any symbolism going on with the Puppeteer catching a Shuppet? XD

Grammar/Spelling: This was pretty good. I think it would be helpful for you to check the story through Word as there were quite a few misspellings (seamed should be seemed, pacients should be patience, etc.). I'm also not very fond of the whole center alignment thing. It makes it hard to tell where the paragraphs begin and end.
Quote:
"Houndour, be on guard, maintenant." Rousseau said intensely now becoming a little bit frightened of the dark figure from before.
Because the following sentence cannot stand on its own, you need to connect it with the dialogue by changing the period to a comma.

"Houndour, be on guard, maintenant," Rousseau said intensely, now becoming a little bit frightened of the dark figure from before.

The only other problem I noticed was that you never capitalized the attacks. The moves should always be capitalized; Flamethrower and Faint Attack.

Detail/Description:
You could have used a bit more of it, especially when describing the theater, but you supplied plenty for a mon in the Complex category. For me, detail is the most important part in stories, so I always try to cram them with as much as I can.

Battle: A little short, and a little hard to follow. Try adding in some more details and making it more two-sided. I only recall Shuppet using one attack. :( The battle can make or break a capture, so make sure you put lots of effort into it.

Outcome: Overall this was a cute story. Shuppet captured! Keep up the nice work, and enjoy your new ghost. Don't lose it. :P
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  #6  
Old 03-29-2007, 09:28 PM
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Default Re: La Puppeteer [PG-13]

For one, thank you for grading ^^. Also, more discription again for another story? Dang I really must've had either a writers block, or discription block @.@, but I will give aas much as I can, thank you ^^. Attacks need to be capitalized, got it! I like using the center thingy cuz I think it is easier to read, but hey, I ain't grading the story ^^, so center off! Again, thank you for grading, I appreciate it ^^.
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