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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-20-2007, 12:09 AM
Legendary Wolf Offline
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Default The beggining of something Buggy

Yeah...I've decided to write another thread since I cant continue with my other one im going for a Easy mon because I dont have to much time so yeah I hope this becomes a good Easy story XPPP

Jack awoke from bed with a smile the past day had been harsh on him but he figured it didnít matter now. Now he just needed to get dressed have breakfast and look around for interesting things. Jack was a skinny boy with Blonde hair of course he was human but he enjoyed facts about pokemon such as how they react to certain things. But he especially liked his town it was Littleroot.

"Hey Mom Iím up" he shouted to the kitchen where his mom would be and should be making him breakfast.

"Okay, got it, yup, okay," Jacks mom just got off the phone "So Sweetie Professor Tasl wanted to see you after breakfast.

"Do you have I have to?" I've visited him loads of times.

"Well yes donít you remember today you start your journey not just going around helping Professor," said Jacks mother.

"WHAT?" "I completely forgot," about that " I havenít packed or anything.

"Calm down Calm Down Iíve packed your things your supposed to leave soon so eat up,"

"Oh, thanks mom couldnít of done it without you," said Jack.

"You're welcome now hurry down there and dont forget to say bye to me before you leave," yelled Jack's mom as Jack ran out the door.

Jack had never been so forgetful. So he was even surprised at what he forgot. " I guess its fine now im on my way to become a master trainer," he thought to himself. Jack started to run now. He couldnít wait and he couldnít believe he forgot.
*****

As soon as Jack got to the professors lab Jack knocked on the door without thinking. The door was opened soon when Professor Tasl opened it.

"Ah Yes Jack good so see you have you been well?" asked Tasl

"Yes actually I have" he said then murmured "Except for yesterday" "What was that?" asked Tasl "Nothing" quickly saying.

They finally got to the center room where the starters stayed. It was a big room with many machines and tons of pokeballs. "Thereís at least 1,000," he thought with a big mind.

"So which will it be?" showing each of the starters including Treecko, Mudkip, and Torchic?"

"A burning question went off inside him which starter would it be the answer would probably change his whole Destiny within," he thought.

"Umm...I like the Mudkip so Mudkip please," That was his final answer.

"Very well," said Tasl giving him the Mudkip pokeball.

Jack raised the ball over his head and shouted, "I got a Mudkip!"

"Well its about time you picked I thought you never would," said a mysterious voice.

"Jake dont be so rude," Jack knew that was Tasl and he knew about Jake it was Tasl's son.

"Hey Jack had a rough time choosing?" Jake asked.

"Sort of wasnít that bad," replied Jack.

"Well I got my starter this morning and waited for you to get yours exiting isnít it?" Bragged Jake.

"Nice to see your getting acquainted," joked Tasl "Now off you go onto your journeys," pushed Tasl.

"Okay," replied both of them at once.

"Now it seems that youíre really getting acquainted," joked Tasl again.

Jack still had one thing to do. He rushed back to his home and looked around for his mother.

"Mother," he shouted. Then all of a sudden his mother jumped out from behind a counter and scared Jack so bad that he feel over the sofa like a dog rolling over a carpet.

"Thatís always got you," said his mother she gave Jack a big hug. "Arenít you exited?"

"Yeah, I am extremely exited look I even got my first pokemon," said Jack bringing out Mudkip to show to her his first pokemon.

"Wow thatís great thatís always been my favorite starter," said Jacks mom but Jack wasnít so sure "Well are you ready?" asked Jacks mom.

"Yes I am Iíll visit every so often so dont worry," said Jack

"Okay honey," as she gave her son a hug as he left home.
*****

Not soon after Jack left home he was in a forest it wasnít a huge forest it was normal sized. Which pleased Jack.

"What a sunny day," thought Jack happily.

"Come on out Mudkip," shouted Mudkip doing a flip to show off its happiness. "Yes I know Mudkip its fun starting out but it'll get tougher and we will get stronger,"

But then all of a sudden he felt something crawl up him leg. Jack shook his leg hard trying to get it off he did and he found it was a Caterpie. Mudkip started at it like he had never seen another type of pokemon.

"Well this will be a good one to start with," thought Jack.

"Okay Mudkip start with Tackle," but it was too late. The Caterpie shot a String Shot at Mudkip messing up Mudkips attack "Thats one smart bug'" thought Jack.

"Okay now Water gun then follow it up with Tackle," The Water Gun was met up with String Shot but this time the Tackle was successful at landed on Caterpie hard.

"Great Work Mudkip now use Mud-Slap to weaken it and blind it, ďJack yelled.

Mudkip sent the attack but the Caterpie dodged and tackled this time hitting Mudkip. "That Caterpie is strong I guess we'll have to stick to combinations Mudkip so use Tackle then while running Water Gun. Jack could see Caterpie try to attack with String Shot but couldnít before it was hit. Jack saw his opportunity and sent his Pokeball after the Caterpie it seemed like it ate the pokemon and it went to the ground and wiggled 1 time... 2 times... And.
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Last edited by Legendary Wolf; 03-21-2007 at 02:18 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-20-2007, 12:10 AM
Legendary Wolf Offline
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Default Re: The beggining of something Buggy

Ready for grading

Carecters: 5,240
Chapters: 1
Pokemon: Caterpie
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  #3  
Old 03-21-2007, 01:26 AM
FireflyK's Avatar
FireflyK Offline
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Default Re: The beggining of something Buggy(Ready for teh gradeing

For a caterpie, the length here is more than sufficient. Your introduction is good, also, although I can see some spots for future improvement. For example, to get the descripion in, why not describe his sleep?

Try something like this:
Sheets adorned with Squirtle, Jack's favorite Pokemon, lay draped across his thin frame. Even in his sleep, he was smiling. He was dozing deeply, thanks to a tiring time the day before, but he no longer seemed upset about it.

Awakening suddenly, he pushed a tangled lump of limp blond hair away from his eyes, before pushing back the blankets. He loved Littleroot town, but he loved learning about Pokemon better, so he had no regrets about leaving on his Pokemon journey.

"Hey, Mom, I'm up!" he shouted.


Details should be connected to the story as much as possible, preferably in a way that makes it seem like we are 'seeing' or hearing or smelling it, as much as we are reading about it. ;)


Your plot was simple. However, Caterpie are even easier than that, they are an Easiest level Pokemon, so this was fine.

One grammatical error stood out to me a lot, although you did have a few that could use a bit of work.
"A burning question went off inside him which starter would it be the answer would probably change his whole Destiny within," he thought.

This doesn't make sense. 'These' show that thought is occuring... But what you put in them was, presumably, not exactly what he was thinking.

Try something more like this-
A burning question sprung into his head: Which starter would it be?

'The answer,' he thought, 'will probably determine my whole destiny.'


Your battle could use a little work, but was a good first effort. Remember to describe the attacks, however, and don't be afraid to use non-traditional ones. How did String Shot mess up Mudkip's attack? And what else could a Caterpie use to fight back with? What if it tried to web Mudkip's paws to trip it, or its mouth to stop it from using water attacks? Or, what if it used String Shot to grab something, and then use that as a barrier, or a weapon, or something? Fighting a Caterpie isn't easy to write due to their limited moves and their weakness, but do your best to be creative about it.


Overall, however, this was good enough for a Caterpie. :) Caterpie Captured. Remember to work on your grammar next time, however, and a more complicated plot.
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