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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-24-2007, 05:17 AM
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Default Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

“I choose you, Crobat!” I declared.

I threw a small pocket able sphere, with a red top and white bottom. The red light materialized from the ball, as the formless light aroused into a bat creature, with four wings. It had blue skin on its wings, and purple wing membranes. The Pokemon screeches as it came out from the small ball.

“Go, Vileplume!” My opponent ordered.

He volleyed out a Pokeball, and from the light, emerged out a Pokemon which had a giant flower on its head, with a short purple stem for a body, while large fleshy red petals with white dots atop its head.

“Vileplume, go ahead and exterminate that bat with Petal Dance!” John dictated.

“Haze,” as I revealed confidently.

Crobat being faster unconfined an atmospheric moisture, dust, smoke, and vapour that diminished visibility. Within a flash, the terrain was filled with haze, leaving Vileplume with low aiming of attacks.

Whilst, Vileplume continued its attack, spinning itself to release sharp edges of petals shooting for Crobat. Unfortunately, all the petals lost aim, leaving Vileplume in the confused state, as a side effect of Petal Dance.

“Good, now finish it with Wing Attack!” I mandated.

Crobat went into the haze with great speed; spread out its wings, and hit Vileplume real hard as it the terrain was as clear as water.

Vileplume looked weak, as it plunged onto the ground, fainted.

John recalled his Pokemon back into his Pokeball, as he walked over to me and congratulates me.

“Magnificent job, Crobat! Now, return!” I adjured.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-31-2007 at 12:52 AM.
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  #2  
Old 03-24-2007, 05:37 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

I was training myself in Lavaridge Town, located at the foothills of Mt. Chimney. It was really cool that the town had an active volcano! I tracked up onto Mt. Chimney, as there are many famous hot springs sites situated there.

I managed to find a great spot for resting, as I took off my clothes and jumped into the hot spring. The water was very warm, at least tepid enough to take off my stressfulness.

Without noticing, I embarked on pondering on my upcoming Gym Match with Flannery, the leader of the Lavaridge Gym. I grasped the fact that I only had three Pokemon.

Firstly, my starter Pokemon was Crobat; it is Poison and Flying-type. Secondly, I had Roselia, caught near Mauville City, also Poison-type, but in addition, have Grass type characteristics. Lastly, I had Metang with me. It is a hardy Steel-type Pokemon, but my friend traded it to me. Steel-types are really weak against Fire, but its half Psychic-type can make up for it. However, since it’s traded, it will only obey me sporadically, unless I get enough badges.

I am really in a dilemma here. I will have an exceedingly ball-buster time with Flannery if I only have these Pokemon. If truth were told, in point of fact, I need another Pokemon, hopefully a Water-type, to douse the Fire Pokemon. On the other hand, how can I find Water-types Pokemon here in Lavaridge Town, where Fire Pokemon inhabits here instead?

I apprehended with the intention of asking people asking if there was any pond or lake nearby, by putting on my clothes, setting out to solicit people around.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-30-2007 at 07:12 AM.
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2007, 09:04 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

I sauntered around when I caught a glimpse of an old lady on Mt. Chimney.

“Hi, do you know of any lakes or pond nearby, as I need to catch some water Pokemon?” I posed the question politely.

The old lady looked at me, “No, there are no lakes or pond nearby, but I do have a water-type,” as she grinned at me.

“Really!” I asked impatiently.

“Yes, and I don’t really want them since I love fire-types, my husband gave them to me when he felt bored of water-types, as a result, I have one water-type,” she responded immediately.

“How about giving them to me since you’re not interested in them?” I requested hoping that she might permit.

“Are you crazy? It's totally ridiculous giving you two water Pokemon, there's no free lunch in the world!” She retorted instantaneously.

She’s a exceedingly shrew woman for her age…

“Then, tell me. Tell me how can I get those Pokemon?” I asked a little annoyed.

“How about battling me to a Pokemon battle? If you win, you will have the water Pokemon.” She inquired wearing a smirk on her wrinkled face.

“Sure, but how many Pokemon shall each of us use?” I queried.

“We will use three Pokemon each, if you win, you can have my water-type Pokemon, if you lose, then I will take one of your Pokemon, agree?” She roasted me.

I better win, or else, I am dead meat.

“Okay, I accept, let’s go!” I declared.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-30-2007 at 09:08 AM.
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  #4  
Old 03-29-2007, 12:08 PM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

The old woman threw a Pokeball and as it land on the ground, white light were released, and out came the camel-like Pokemon.

The Pokemon was a large, red furred camel-like Pokemon with rocky humps on its back and ring symbols upon its sides.

“Alright, I choose Crobat!” I yelled worried.

“Crobat, use Mean Look since your faster!” I ordered.

Crobat stared at Camerupt right in the eyes with a very nasty look, preventing Camerupt from fleeing from battle.

“Camerupt, Rock Slide that pathetic bat!” The old lady smirked.

The Camerupt began to use Rock Slide as numerous rocks started to plunge onto Crobat.

“Crobat, try to dodge it with Double Team!” I ordered hastily.

Crobat sweat drops as he quickly created elusive copies of himself to miss the rocks.

“Crobat, go ahead and use Sludge Bomb!” I shouted.

Crobat released poison sludge of bombs on to Camerupt for a direct hit, leaving Camerupt poisoned.

The old lady looked confident still and ordered an Overheat attack.

The Camerupt started to glow in red, as he prepared for the Overheat attack and released the high power fire attack at the bunch of Crobat copies. All the Crobat copies were destroyed as it only left one on the ground, badly injured.

“Crobat, you got to use Rest, quick!” I said worried.

Crobat glimmered as it started using Rest to restore its energy.

“Rest makes the user asleep, so Rock Slide it!” The old lady smirked.

“Sleep Talk!” I shouted excited.

The Camerupt made numerous rocks fall on Crobat again, as Crobat while lying asleep on the ground managed to use Sleep Talk.

So worried was I, as I anticipate what attack might come out. Crobat moved at high speed still asleep, created illusionary copies again.

“Yes! Perfect attack!” I congratulated.

“Crobat, Sleep Talk once more.” I shouted.

This time, Crobat still asleep, prepared a glow inside its mouth. Releasing it, the Hyper Beam attack was released in yellow beam striking towards Camerupt right in the face. The Camerupt collapsed as the powerful attack clashed right on to its face, looking fainted.

“Camerupt, Return!” The old lady said annoyed; as she took out a Pokeball and the red light shone to the Pokemon to suck it back in.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-30-2007 at 07:13 AM.
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  #5  
Old 03-29-2007, 12:09 PM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

“Go, Torkoal!” She shouted.

The Torkoal resembles a red tortoise, and exhaled a cloud of smoke through its nostrils and through holes in its body and has a dark grey stone shell.

“Crobat, I can only count on you when its fire-type, so try your utmost best, Confuse Ray it,” as I encouraged him.

Crobat released a strong ray to confuse Torkoal, as the ray entered the smoke unconfined by itself, as I cheered, happy that it is confused.

“Torkoal, Smokescreen!” The old lady commanded.

“Ha-ha, your Torkoal is confused, it might not be able to lower my accuracy,” I smirked.

“Think again, kid,” as she leered back.

The Torkoal instead blew out a Smokescreen from its mouth once the white smoke cleared as if my Confuse Ray did not hit it at all, leaving my Crobat with a lowered accuracy.

“What! I thought Torkoal was supposed to be confused!” I yelled astonished.

“I had my Torkoal used Protect just before the Confuse Ray hit Torkoal, leaving the Confuse Ray useless,” as the old lady explained.

“Whatever, Crobat, Poison Fang!” I commanded.

Crobat flew at high speed launching its Poison Fang, as it prepared to inject its highly poisonous fang into Torkoal’s body.

“Torkoal, Iron Defense!” The old lady shouted immediately.

Torkoal hid in its shell, as Crobat bit it with Poison Fang, actually breaking its fangs due to the rock hard defense, while Torkoal took the chance and Overheated Crobat, aiming an influential fire beam, instantaneously knocking out Crobat.

“Oh no, Crobat!” I shouted desperately.

I returned Crobat to its Pokeball with a feeling of dejection as I liberated another Pokemon.

“We will just have to try our best then! Go, Metang!” I shouted.

My Metang is an inorganic, magnetic Pokemon, made up of 2 Beldums, overall with a navy-blue body.

“Torkoal, Flamethrower it!” The old lady smirked.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-30-2007 at 07:13 AM.
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  #6  
Old 03-29-2007, 12:10 PM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Ready for Grading.

Pokemons Wanted to Catch: Staryu and Chinchou

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  #7  
Old 03-29-2007, 03:23 PM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

As requested an URGENT GRADE!!!

Plot: This was a rushed plot. I could tell because of how quickly you went between battles. I suggest slowing down next time and double-check for holes in the plot that you can extend. I suggest adding a new Plot Twist. You know, make something go SERIOUSLY wrong for your character before it gets to the climatic battle.

Grammar: You had a bit of trouble with Past/Present/Future Tense words. Also, in point of fact would be better as in fact. You also had a few problems with your and you're. After that, there was one spelling mistake. You did okay here.

Detail: You didn't have a lot of grammar. You described the shape of Pokemon, but what about the color? I couldn't picture any of this story. Like I've told others before you, close your eyes and picture what you want to type before you type. Plus, detail will add more length, which you need.

Length: Usually, I'm somewhat easy-going when it cmes to length. Sadly, you only wrote 9,500+ characters for the double capture. According to the Big List of URPG Pokemon, Staryu has a range of 20k-30k and Chinchou has a range of 10k-20k characters. So that totals 30k-50k characters total. 9,500+ isn't enough for Staryu alone and sadly not when paired with a Chinchou either.

Battle: The old lady may have said impressive, but I'm unmoved. The battle was WAY too short for both Pokemon. If you look at it, you were pretty much in the driver's seat the whole time. From Crobat to Metang, you gave yourself the advantage. You could've at least made it so that more of the old lady's attacks hit. Also, more detail could've helped you here. I'm not sure what the rules are on saying you received the Pokemon as a reward, so I'll go with my gut on the outcome.

Success: Let me see here...You fell WAY too short of the goal. You didn't have enough detail to give me a foggy image of the story. Your battle was too one-sided and your plot was rushed.

Staryu and Chinchou not captured... read through the grade, double-check your grammar and plot, and come back when you're ready.
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  #8  
Old 03-30-2007, 06:29 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Okay, i will edit it by today, anyway, I thought its quantity not quality that matters? I know my story ain't that good, but its quantity right?
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Old 03-30-2007, 06:59 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Torkoal released the red-hot flame from its mouth aiming for Metang, when I managed to get Metang to use Confusion though I was in a panic.

Metang managed to use Confusion to force back the Flamethrower hitting Torkoal.

“Torkoal, Heat Wave!” The old lady shouted.

“Metang, hurry, you must not get hit, Light Screen!” I yelled out desperate.

Torkoal let out a hot breath on Metang, but my Metang quickly created a barrier to block that fiery attack.

“Metang, Psychic that Torkoal!” I yelled.

Metang immediately used Psychic and lifted Torkoal up, then slamming it onto the ground real hard.

“Torkoal, Overheat with the best power you have!” The old lady shouted worried.

"No! Metang!" I shouted with tears in my eyes, as the overwhelming powered fire attack scored a direct hit against Metang, leaving Metang lying on the ground, extremely weak.

"Metang, you must get up, I must now lose this battle, or else this could be the end of my adventure, I must beat Flannery! Metang, are you feeling okay?" I asked extremely worried.

Metang was extremely weak and was in a danger condition, but managed to struggle to get up just for me, but as it gets up, Metang suddenly started to glow.

"Metang, what's happening?" I asked very worried.

As Metang started to glow, it began to change shape in that shimmering light, at the end, out came a Metagross from the Metang.

"Metang! You evolved for me!" I shouted happily as I ran over to hug him.

Metagross is now a hardy Pokemon, made up of 2 Metangs, making it rather intelligent and a powerful telekinetic.

“Torkoal, return! Go, Ninetales!" The old lady yelled.

The fire fox Pokemon came out of the circular Pokeball, and growled, 'Nineeee'.

Another fire type, now what will I do? I must switch to Roselia no matter or what or I won't stand a chance against Torkoal later. But wait, Torkoal's Special Attack is already lowered alot, perharps I should let Metagross take a chance.

"Metagross, try your best! Meteor Mash!" I shouted.

The meteor-like punch was as fast as lightning, as Metagross rushed forward to deliver that enormous punch when Ninetales used Fire Spin.

The orange and red fire spun towards Metagross, burying it in flames, leaving it hurt and immobile.
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Last edited by Ataro; 03-30-2007 at 07:14 AM.
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  #10  
Old 03-30-2007, 07:01 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

"Metagross!" I screamed.

The old lady then had her Ninetales used Overheat, the overwhelming fire attack once again aimed towards Metagross.

No, Metagross must not take another Overheat, or he will be seriously burned!

"Metagross, I believe in you, Psychic attack with all your might!" I screamed again.

Still trapped in the Fire Spin, Metagross managed to use Psychic to push away the Fire Spin, and then just as the Overheat hit Metagross, he used Psychic again to block the Overheat, then using a psychic attack on the fox.

"Ninetales, you can take that with high Special Defense, now go ahead and use Overheat once more!" The old lady shouted.

"Overheat 2 times? I'm afraid your strategy is off, Metagross, Earthquake!" I yelled.

Ninetales released the Overheat attack again, as Metagross took the hit bravely; doing little damage, then slam itself on the ground to deliver the earth-shaking Earthquake, giving a Critical Hit on Ninetales.

"Now, Metagross, finish it with Earthquake once more!" I shouted excited.

Metagross went slamming again, shaking the ground profusely, finally, leaving that fox fainted on the ground.

"Return! Go Torkoal!" The old lady ordered.

"Metagross, finish it, Earthquake!" I shouted.

Metagross prepared to slam onto the ground, however suddenly; he went like immobile, not moving at all. I asked what's wrong with it, but he seems to be struggling, not moving.

"Ha-ha, you got tricked! Just before you knocked out Ninetales, I told her to use Grudge on you, so you can't use the move you used to faint Ninetales anymore. My Ninetales sacrificed its life for the greater good, hah!" The old lady smirked as usual.

"Now, its our turn! Torkoal, Body Slam, full power!" She ordered.

As I stand there stunned, still shocked by what happened, the heavy Torkoal drops itself onto Metagross, injuring Metagross to the extent that it was knocked out, since it took so many fire attacks already.

Could this be the end of the battle already?
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  #11  
Old 03-30-2007, 09:27 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

“Go Roselia!” I shouted dreadfully.

"Laugh out loud, a grass type, getting desperate huh, kid?" The old lady leered.

Roselia, you must believe yourself, all we have to do is to put it to sleep, so that we have a chance to defeat it!

"Roselia, Grasswhistle!" I screamed.

Roselia dances to release the music from its petals to calm Torkoal down, almost putting it to sleep when Torkoal went in to use Yawn just before it sleep.

"No, Roselia!" I shouted frantic.

"Both are asleep, that’s funny! But Torkoal still have moves left, Snore!" The old lady grinned.

Torkoal started snoring in its sleep, as my Roselia took the damage from the Snore.

"Roselia! You must wake up!" I shouted.

Meanwhile, Torkoal was woken up by my yell instead, looking ready to defeat Roselia.

"Torkoal, Overheat that Pokemon,” the old lady cheered.

The Torkoal unconstrained the fiery stream of fire, shooting across to Roselia, hurting it. But it seems like the hotness instead woke Roselia up, though it is hurt, but not much as Torkoal’s Special Attack was already lowered.

“Torkoal, Body Slam that tiny creature!” The old lady commanded.

“Roselia, Ingrain!” I shouted.

Roselia managed to strike first, and used Ingrain, forcing itself onto the ground, unable to move, but sucking in health every turn. Just then, Torkoal body-slammed Roselia, leaving Roselia badly hurt.

Torkoal however did not appear poisoned; leaving me upset, as physical attacks have the chance to make the user poisoned according to Roselia’s ability.

“Roselia, we have to restore health, Synthesis!” I screamed.

Roselia began to shine while using Synthesis, sucking back in a lot of health since the weather was really humid, with the sun in the sky.

“Torkoal, go ahead and Body Slam with all your power left!” The old lady ordered.

As the tortoise went tumbling down onto the Roselia stuck at the ground, I managed to get it to use Mimic.

Now, both Pokemon was body-slamming each other, after having Roselia to mimic whatever moves comes.

“Now, Roselia, finish it with Petal Dance!” I yelled.

Both Pokemon were extremely weak now, but Roselia made do by using the last of its strength to dance a total of three times, using grass attacks on the already badly injured Torkoal, fainted it, but Roselia managed to stay alive still due to Ingrain.

“Torkoal, return,” The old lady said, feeling dejected.
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Old 03-30-2007, 09:28 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Ready for Grading

Pokemon Wanted to Catch: Staryu

I have re-edited it, graders please, urgent.
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Old 03-30-2007, 02:22 PM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Okay as requested, a re-grade. Btw, Quality>>>Quanity Though having a long enough story helps, especially if you haven't won any awards for best graphic novel.

Plot: Hmm...it was somewhat improved. However, I felt it could use some more touching up. It still could use that Plot Twist.

Grammar: A couple of mistakes. "Metang you evolved just for me!" I shouted happily, as I ran over to hug him. The missing detail is in bold. Body-slamming is supposed to be two words. Nothing seriously wrong here.

Detail: You did a decent(ish) job of describing various colors and shapes and characteristics. However, every story could use a little more detail. There are only a few excuses for leaving out detail.

Length: 15,000+ characters. You came up 5,000 characters short. Thankfully, I'm not too strict about length, so I'm going to let it slide.

Battle: It was longer, though it still could use some touching up. With a little more detail, you could've done a lot, and I mean A LOT of damage there. Your battling on top of Mt. Chimney right? Well since Mt. Chimney is a volcano, the heat and smoke is constantly pouring out. That would add a new layer to the battle.

Success: Hmm...it was improved from last time. I guess its good enough.

Staryu Captured! Be aware, this was a borderline capture, try harder next time.
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  #14  
Old 03-31-2007, 12:47 AM
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Default Re: Fire vs Grass/Poison/Flying/Steel!? NO WAY!

Thanks for the urgent grading call, will improve!
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