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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 03-28-2007, 01:19 AM
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Default Buggy Bullies

{Ready 4 Grading!}

It was a windy day, to say the least. In fact, it almost felt like some sort of doomsday scenario. The wind was howling, and I mean howling, louder than a Mightyena could have mustered. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing for me. After all, the wind was behind me, meaning that I could get an extra burst of speed. And that was all I needed right now.

"Haha!"

"Look at that dog run!"

"Thanks for the money, doggy!"

Tears of frustration trailed down my face. They collected on my fur and ran to the edges of it before they finally dripped onto the sidewalk, where they would remain until the sun had dried up all the remnants of my feelings right now. "M-meanies!" I shouted back at them, which was only answered by their jeering laughter. With a sob I rounded a corner and raced back to my home. Maybe I would be safe there.

After a few short minutes of running through the sorry-looking apartment buildings, I finally reached one of the shabbiest ones of them all. I glanced up at the ugly sign, just to be sure.

"Poke'mote ! Place where your Poke can stay the night!" Yup. This was it. I could still recall the day that Mira dropped us off here...

"Bye, guys! Have fun on your vacation!" Those were our owner's words as she sped off. Naturally, the first thing I'd noticed was the sign. I prodded Ember, a Charmeleon with an odd set of colors.

"It says 'Pokemote'. That reminds me of moats. Aren't moats supposed to have Sharpedos and other scary things in them?" I whimpered.

Ember turned to me with an evil smile plastered onto his lips. His grey scales suddenly went dark as some clouds covered the sun. "Yep. this hotel has hungry Sharpedos in it. And, worse yet, they float in the air."

"R-r-really?" I replied, my voice dropping to a terrified whisper.

"Yep. And if you aren't careful...they'll EAT YOU!"


It took a full hour for Sylvir, Mira's Larion, to calm me down and explain that it was supposed to read Pokemotel, that someone probably stole the letter, and that there were no Sharpedos in the motel. Even after he explained that, I still had trouble falling asleep.

Come to think of it, the weather today seemed frighteningly similar to the weather that day. I suddenly felt scared. What if it was some sort of warning? What if the hotel really did have Sharpedos? What if they were standing by the door, waiting for me to come in so they could-

Whoa. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here, I thought. I still couldn't help gulping as I came through the door. It opened with an eerie creak, and I stepped inside the dark building. I plodded down the hallway, heading to our rooms. Suddenly, I had a feeling that someone...something...was watching me. I glanced around nervously, then continued.

Then I heard a swishing sound, like something running by. I whirled around and caught a glance of a blue streak racing across the hallway. I began to panic and started to run. My paws hit the wood floor, making small thumping noises as I ran. I was almost to the elevator...

Then I screamed as a Sharpedo lunged out in front of me, blocking the elevator! then another one behind me! I was trapped. Hopelessly trapped. They descended upon me, licking their lips hungrily...
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Last edited by Larvinator; 04-07-2007 at 02:16 AM. Reason: Because I CAN! DON'T QUESTION MY REASONING!
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  #2  
Old 03-28-2007, 02:39 AM
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Default Re: Buggy Bullies

I couldn't help myself. I screamed louder, then lost it and burst into tears. Hiccuping sobs made my entire body shudder.

"This wasn't in the script, Ember! She's not supposed to cry!"

I suddenly stopped crying as I heard that familiar voice cut through the air. then I suddenly realized who these "Sharpedos" were. Getting angrier with every step, I marched over to the Sharpedo in front of me and bit into him. Then I ripped off his skin.

Standing there was a Pidgeotto, looking more and more sheepish by the minute.

"Skyhawk! How could you?!" I yelled.

"I-I didn't mean to make you cry..." he whimpered.

I didn't answer. I was already marching over to the other Sharpedo, already knowing exactly who was under that costume. I ripped it off with my teeth and revealed Ember, staring at me in shock.

"You gave us away, you ding-dong!" he suddenly shouted at Skyhawk.

"Tails was crying! I had to!" Skyhawk retorted.

"Stupid!"

"Idiot!"

"Moron!"

"Bully!"

Hearing the word bully made me remember what had happened earlier that day. I tried to not think about it, but it was too late. I started sobbing again.

"I figured I'd find you all like this."

Ember and Skyhawk stopped fighting and turned to the elevator. I stopped sobbing and just sniffled as I looked. A tough Larion was standing at the elevator as it closed behind him.

"They're such meanies!" I sobbed as I ran over to the Larion.

"There, there. It's okay, Tails." the Larion whispered. Then he looked up to Skyhawk and Ember. "What did you do to this poor Eevee?" he asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.

"It was Skyhawk's fault, Sylvir!" Ember cried immediately.

"I don't care whose fault it was. I knew you were plotting something yesterday, but I never imagined you'd do something like this to the poor Eevee."

"We didn't mean to, Sylvir," Skyhawk said quietly.

"You mean these costumes weren't planned?" Sylvir asked dryly, gesturing to the ripped up pieces of blue cloth on the floor.

"No, I mean, we never imagined Tails would react so...strongly."

"I probably wouldn't have." I finally had the courage to speak up. "It's just that something happened when I was coming home."

Sylvir raised an eyebrow. "What happened, Tails?"

I cleared my throat and settled down. "Well, it all started a week ago..."

"A week ago?" Ember asked.

"Yeah. Remember when I lost your 15 dollars and said it fell down a sewer drain?" I asked.

"Oh. I think that was when you sent Tails through the grain thresher of anger, Ember," Skyhawk commented.

"Yes, well, anyway," Ember said quickly.

"Well, I didn't actually lose it."

Ember leapt to his feet. "You mean you still have it?!" he yelled angrily.

"Let her finish." Ah. Sylvir's reassuring voice cut Ember off.

"Actually, it was...stolen." My voice was hesitant.

"Stolen?" Skyhawk asked, his green eyes lighting up in amazement. "By who?"

"They call themselves the Badd Bugz. There's only four of them, but they've always threatened me with they're 'secret weapon'."

"And what have they been doing to you?" Sylvir asked gently.

"Scaring me out of...my money. That's all they ever want. Every time I pass by the pond at that little park a couple blocks away, they always get my money." I started sobbing.

"Who are these Badd Bugz?" Ember's voice was full of anger.

"I-I never got their names..."

"Alright, then. What are they?"

I paused and felt my cheeks growing hot. It was a good thing that my face was covered with thick fur; otherwise, everyone would have seen me blushing.

But Ember figured out what my silence meant almost immediately. "Tails...these bugs wouldn't happen to be very weak bug Pokemon...would they?"

I hesitated, then decided it was no use. "A Weedle, Caterpie, Wurmple, and Spinarak..."

Dead silence. Then Skyhawk broke the quiet. "You've got to be kidding me."

"They always scared me with their 'secret weapon' stuff," I said meekly.

"Secret weapon, my tail," Ember muttered. "I'd bet my crest that they don't have a secret weapon at all." Then he stood up. "Do you think those Badd Bugz are still there?"

"Probably," I answered. Then I stared at him in surprise. "You don't mean..."

"Oh, yes I do." Ember grinned and cracked his knuckles. "I'd like my 15 dollars back, after all."

"If you're going to be stupid, then I deserve to be stupid with you." Skyhawk grinned and flapped his wings.

"And if both of you are going to be stupid, then you'll need adult supervision," Sylvir commented dryly as he trotted towards the door. Then he turned around. "I think you should come, Tails."

"Alright." I stood up and walked to the door with my friends.

Little did I know that this 'secret weapon' might not turn out to be a fantasy after all...
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  #3  
Old 03-28-2007, 10:21 PM
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Default Re: Buggy Bullies

The walk was short, though slightly lengthened by snide comments about the sorry state of the neighborhood, courtesy of Ember. That aside, we saw the park within a matter of minutes. I easily spotted the gang.

"Over there!" I hissed to my group. We moved in, ready to teach these Badd Bugz a lesson. At the moment, they were still celebrating over their successful theft from me.

"Did you see the way that the little doggy ran?" the Caterpie snickered.

"You'd have thought she had rockets strapped to those white fur pockets of hers!" the Weedle laughed.

"And did you see her tears? Hah! I thought that Eevee was going to cause a flood." The Wurmple was taunting right along with her buddies. Her bully buddies.

"As a matter of fact, I did." Ember's voice froze the four bugs and they turned around to meet the Charmeleon's gaze. "I saw them when she came crying to me about how someone had stolen her money. Now, who could have done that?" Ember's glare was concentrated right on them. They all shifted uncomfortably. Then everyone came out of hiding, which made them all jump. After all, seeing a Larion, Pidgeotto, and an Eevee that you had picked on earlier that day certainly was a shock, especially when you're only a foot high. But they quickly regained their composure.

"Hey, doggy, didn't we warn you about our secret weapon?" the Spinarak hissed angrily.

"Yeah! You don't want to mess with our secret weapon!" the Weedle chimed in.

"Yep! Don't mess with it!"

"It's a baaaad secret weapon!"

"Yeah!"

"Not yeah." Ember. Again. "I don't think you have a secret weapon at all. And Tails doesn't, either. Right?"

"Right!" I agreed enthusiastically.

"Fine," the Wurmple sighed. "We didn't want to have to do this, but...Ex! Get out here!"

Ex? Who in the world was this Ex?

Then everything went completely insane.

The best way to describe it is...well, it looked like the sky had suddenly ripped in half. And there was no word to describe what was in the gash. It almost seemed like a moving, malevolent monster, with purple, indigo, and blue colors all thrown together. The background...the sky...it was pulsing and jerking about, like there were prisoners behind those colors, pounding to get out. Then came the haunting sound.

"Un-ooooown...Un-oooooown..."

It had no melody, no tune, and only one word, but it was still a song. A song I'd seen and read in many books on myths and legends, monsters and darkness. A song that still echos in my ears every time I recall that day, a haunting noise that plagues my ears.

The Song of the Unown.

Without warning, a small, black blur came shooting out of the rift. I let out a small gasp as the blur hit me dead on and knocked me back into a couple of garbage cans. After the ringing of that awful clank got out of my head, I looked up to see the tear in the sky closing, almost as if it was being stitched up. Within seconds there was no trace of it left.

Except for the thing standing-no, floating-next to the Badd Bugz.

It was mostly a dark black color, with white only on it's amazingly large eye, which was half closed. It's body shape looked like a stick, a perfectly straight stick with a small circular part at the end for its eye. It honestly looked a lot like a thermometer.

It was also glowing, which I and the rest of the crew took as a very bad sign.

Though physically impossible, I could swear I saw a grin forming on the Caterpie's face. "I told you we had a secret weapon," he whispered.
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Last edited by Larvinator; 04-07-2007 at 02:20 AM. Reason: I said 'eyes'. Unowns only have one eye. .___.
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  #4  
Old 03-30-2007, 02:00 PM
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Default Re: Buggy Bullies

The Unown was still glowing, and we were all ready to fight it. Ember's tail flame was bursting with energy, Sylvir's armor tightened up, and Skyhawk let loose a bone-chilling screech. I knew that this was going to be a hard battle, and without thinking, I threw back my head and...

"AR-WOOOOOOOO!" I swear the howl wasn't conscious. It was only instinct kicking in, but Skyhawk glanced over to me with concern written all over his green eyes.

"Why did you howl like that?" He seemed rather worried.

I didn't think. The answer just popped out of me. "For the same reason you screeched."

He looked dumbfounded for a split second. Then he grinned. "Well, you gotta start somewhere, right?" Then he glanced back over to the Unown, now quaking with energy it was aglow with. We were all expecting some sort of beam attack, or maybe even another Take Down or whatever tackle attack it had done on me. We never expected what happened next. The Unown's glow seemed to leak off his body and collect in small, yellow, glowing balls that surrounded him in a semicircle. Once every bit of glow was transferred into those balls, they rocketed off in straight lines.

This all happened in a fraction of a second, meaning that the others had no time to react. But with the senses of a wolf and the reflexes of a cat, I could. I leapt nearly three feet into the air, sailing over the wall of spheres in the process. Ember and Sylvir, however, were not so lucky. Ember yelped as one of the spheres hit him right in the chest and exploded, leaving a nasty circular burn mark. The same thing happened to Sylvir, except he traveled on all fours, so the sphere struck him right in the forehead. Skyhawk, thankfully, was hovering in the air and only got nicked on his talons. After that he quickly ascended to about 30 feet above us, and I didn't really blame him.

"Keep jumping!" I yelled. Ember and Sylvir nodded and we managed to dodge the next wave of spheres. But it was becoming constant, and every time we dodged, we had to dodge again almost immediately. It was like being roughhoused by some fierce waves at a beach; you would go through all the effort of going under or perhaps getting turned over by a wave you failed to dodge, then as soon as you came up, gasping for breath, you would see another wave towering above you. Needless to say, it was not a fun experience.

After a few walls passed by, I got an idea. "Skyhawk! Think you can carry me up above that Unown?" I felt confident that this idea would work quite well.

Skyhawk looked dumbfounded yet again. But he nodded anyway. "Alright, Tails. Hop on." He swooped down next to me and I hopped onto his back. He managed to get above the danger zone right before we would have been hit. Then he went up. 10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet, 50 feet. He stopped there, and all I could do was tell myself not to look down. But I had to know what Ember and Sylvir were doing, so I bravely glanced down.

I felt a rush of anger as I realized that Unown had caught onto our tricks. It was releasing those yellow balls at random heights. Some of them were knee level, some chest level, and some eye level. The last of that list could obviously not be jumped over, and could only be ducked under. Needless to say, it was extremely taxing for them to have to determine whether to duck or jump in a mere half second. Sylvir in particular was being hit hard, as he didn't have the reflexes for that kind of a thing. His steel armor was far too heavy for jumping all that high, so he was sustaining some serious damage.

"Skyhawk. Get above Unown," I said quietly. "When you're above him, I'll jump and stun him. Get into a dive right after I jump so you can grab him. The rest is up to you."

"Roger that." I could barely hear the reply. I was too intent on getting ready to jump. I took a quick glance at Ember and saw that he was getting battered a bit.

"JUMP!" Skyhawk's screech snapped me out of my observations and I quickly leapt off from 50 feet in the air.

It was crazy. Exhilarating. Yet, at the same time, a part of me felt like it was suicidal. That there was no way that tiny thermometer could possibly break my fall. I tried to push these thoughts aside as the wind whistled through my fur, throwing it every which way. The Unown did notice me. Maybe it was the shadow that fell around him, but for whatever reason, he looked up, and his half closed eye snapped fully open in shock. He tried to get away, but by that time, it was too late. I landed on it and slammed the creature into the ground.

To my surprise, the thermometer thing was fairly soft and rubbery and acted almost like a trampoline, throwing me about 5 feet into the air. I landed rather ungracefully and rolled a few feet. I tried to get up, but I felt a shooting pain in my paw. My stomach churned as I realized I'd broken one of the bones in my paw. Luckily, I didn't really need to act, as Skyhawk had kept true to his promise. Unown was just starting to recover when the white and tan bird swooped down and grabbed him in an iron grip with his talons. Unown squirmed, but Skyhawk's talons could really hold on tight. Unown screamed as Skyhawk flew over to a concrete wall and threw it hard into the graffiti-ridden wall. Unown stuck onto the wall for a second, then fell off onto the dirt ground.

I, meanwhile, was trying to be of help by limping towards a fallen trash can to rummage for something to use as a weapon. All I could find were a couple of old, dented, metal balls at the bottom of the trash can. Not really paying much attention to their odd design, I grabbed one with my teeth and threw it blindly at the Badd Bugz, then did the same for the other one.

Throughout this whole battle, the gang had been watching with an almost abnormal interest. Now that they saw that they were about to lose, they'd only just started to creep away. Luckily, I was fairly close and I'd thrown my weapons fairly hard. I was ready to cheer when one of the spheres hit the Spinarak, but then I watched in horror as the sphere opened up-

-and sucked the Spinarak in with a flash of white light!

I wanted to kick myself. I should have recognized those designs. The red and the white...nrrgh! Fortunately, the Pokeball was rolling around crazily, meaning that the Spinarak might break out. Unfortunately, the other Pokeball also found its mark, and I watched with dismay as the Wurmple was also sucked in. This was just not my day.

The Caterpie looked at his Weedle friend in horror. "L-let's get out of here!" he cried, and both of them scurried away as fast as their tiny feet could take them.

"Th-thanks."

The sudden voice startled me. Well, it wasn't really like a voice. I could sort of hear it, but it was inside my head. Like a thought, only stronger. And there was only one Pokemon here capable of doing that. I spun around and came face-to-face with our beaten up Unown friend.

I tensed up, ready to attack despite my injured paw. Ember, Sylvir, and Skyhawk were right next to me in a heartbeat, ready to defend me if necessary. And, well, the Unown looked rather embarrassed, to say the least. It was looking down at the ground, and the long stick-like body part was drooped over his eye.

"I'm really sorry I troubled you like that. Those Badd Bugz scared me into it...like they always have," the Unown thought-said.

I thought of myself, too scared to resist them taking my money. "I can understand that..."

"What could have possibly scared you?" Ember always had to be nitpicky about everything.

"Well...they always scared me with their 'secret weapon' stuff..."

Skyhawk laughed out loud. "The secret weapon? The secret weapon is YOU!"

"Let's be serious," Sylvir muttered. "We have two Pokeballs running amok over there." They really were; it was pretty obvious that the Badd Bugz didn't like capture. But they were slowing down a bit...

"Are you still scared of what's left of the Badd Bugz?" Skyhawk asked.

Unown hesitated, then sighed. "Well...a little."

Suddenly, I got a brilliant idea. "How about you stay with us? We've got an excellent trainer, and she can help you become the strongest Unown there ever was!" I was talking pretty fast, but the Unown got the message. It stared at the ground in deep thought.

"Tails! Mira is going to-"

"Shut up, Ember! Let her try something on her own for once!"

"You shut up, Skyhawk!"

"Ladies first!"

"I'm not a girl!"

While they continued to bicker, I felt transfixed by the Unown, still considering our offer. I managed to glance over to where the Pokeballs were still rolling around crazily. And yet...they were slowing down...

Oh, lord, Mira was not going to be happy about this!
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  #5  
Old 03-30-2007, 02:02 PM
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Default Re: Buggy Bullies

Ready for teh Grade!
Pokemon Attempting: Unown, Spinarak, Wurmple
Characters w/ spaces: 20070
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Old 04-07-2007, 04:26 PM
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Default Re: Buggy Bullies

I hear you need a grade. :P

Story/Plot:
Actually, I was pretty confused from the start, but it got much easier to follow the further into it I got. I may have just missed it, but I'm not sure what Pokemon you're supposed to be. I noticed you referred to your paws a few times, but a lot of Pokemon have them. Anyway, the story overall was pretty good; a little bland in some places, but nothing a little detail can't fix. I suggest for future stories you just spend a little more time on describing things a bit more so the reader can really get a visual. This was perfect for three Simples.

Grammar/Spelling: Nearly flawless. I love reading stories where I'm not distracted by typos and misspellings, so yours was a pleasure to read. Even your dialogue was perfect; I'm so used to showing people the correct way to use commas and periods in it, now I don't know what to do with myself. ;P The only thing you could have used more of were the "she said, he replied etc." stuff. I got a little confused at who was speaking when you don't identify the person.

Length: Yay. This was absolutely perfect. You put your story right between the map. Just make sure you focus more on making a great story than a long one.

Battle:
The part with Unknown was okay, but what about the two bugs? You didn't even battle them. Even weaklings like them would most likely break from the Poke Balls at full health. This really hurt you, as battles are extremely important for making captures. Make sure you have battles in the next story you write; some graders make the judgement from happened during the battle.

Outcome: You were all around okay, excluding the battle, but you just pulled it off. Spinarak, Wurmple, and Unown joined! Enjoy your new Buggy Buddies and the other thing. Make sure you include a good battle next time.
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