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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 04-13-2007, 02:35 AM
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Default What is that sound in my window? ( Pat 2 is Finished )

--Pokemon Trying for Hoothoot--

An intense storm sets upon New Bark town. The winds begin to howl causing window shutters to flutter. Kacey, a little girl of eight, is trying to sleep in her bed, while clutching a stuffed Cleffa doll. She is a cute little girl in a pink nightgown. Her long chestnut brown hair lies gently on the bed. While her blue eyes stare out the window.

Suddenly, the beautiful little girl hears a strange sound coming from outside.

"Screech Screech."

She jumps up and walks to the out of her room. Suddenly she hears it again as rough scratching sound on the surface of the house, "Ehhhhehhh."

She runs into her parent’s room and jumps into bed.

Her mom and dad are fast asleep until the feel the weight of their eight-year-old daughter pounce on them. Then they suddenly jump up. Her dad has brown eyes and black curly hair that is quite a mess right now. Her mom has the same long chestnut brown hair like her daughter and blue eyes. The both of them almost seem like sisters more than mother and daughter.

Kacey screams, "Daddy, daddy, there is something outside my window!"

"Take care of it honey," Kacey's mom replied before she lied back down.

"Really, every time there is a storm you come in here saying that there is something outside your window. However, let’s go check." Kacey’s Dad stands up and puts on a pair of slacks that was flung on the floor. Then he walks to his closet to slide on some shoes. He then looks up into his closet and grabs a few poke balls. "Okay, honey just in case I brought Spike."

Spike was a small little Granbull with an attitude. It often had an attitude and highly disliked Kacey. However, it was extremely fond of Kacey’s mom and dad. The one thing that distinguished spike from other Granbulls was his minuscule size and his earring given to him by Kaceys mom.

"Oh daddy why him," Kacey replied.

"You know he is our strongest Pokemon at the moment. The others just have not had enough training," replied Kacey’s dad.

The little girl in her pink nightgown clutches her dads firm hand and slowly walks out of the bedroom and walks outside.

The rain is just starting as they exit the house. However, the winds are quite fierce.

Kacey and her dad walk to the back of their house.

Both of them look around. Kacey’s dad now wet said a frustrated voice "I don’t think anything is out here" The sound was probably just the wind."

Then they hear another strange sound, "Hoothoot, Hoothoot"

The little girl lets out a high pitch squeal as she sees a piercing pair of red eyes.

Kacey’s dad responds to his daughter’s voice and forcefully troughs out his Pokeball. "Go Spike!"

The tough but small little Granbull once released looks at Kacey. Then he laughs menacingly.

Kacey’s dad scolds the brutish dog-like pokemon "Spike concentrate on those red eyes."

Spike looks confused; however, he responds to Kacey’s dad’s voice. Then he looks around until he sees the strange red eyes in the dark horizon. Spike then glares hard at those large red eyes.

All of a sudden, the creature that was well hidden in the background comes stumbling out. It seemed as scared of the Granbull as Kacey was of it. The little Hoothoot fell to the ground then he stood back up read to fight.

Kacey began to look at the creature with some pity.

Kacey dad yells commandingly, "Spike, use Thunder".

The wind begins to pick up and the rain begins to pour as Spike ponds the ground and stomps back and forth until the clouds release a large bolt of thunder comes thundering though the clouds and lands a direct hit on the Hoothoot".

Electricity courses though the little owls body. It falls back to the ground. Then stands up in the rain which washes off its charred skin.

The strange little Pokemon finally gets a grip of its self and lets out a strange sound wave. The same sound Kacey heard earlier. Kacey began to cover her ears.

The sounds frequency was so high that Spike was no longer able to hear anything else around him & he could no longer ascertain where he was. Spike was confused. Hoothoot had used Supersonic.

Kacey said "That was the sound I am sure of it dad."

Kacey’s dad commandingly tells spike "Snap out of it and use crunch!"

The large brutish dog still unable to hear just fumbles around and falls flat on his face.

The tiny little owl laughs at the big purple dog then runs up and tackles the beast.

Granbull takes a direct hit to the stomach then begins to keel over a bit.

Kacey’s dad becomes frustrated and yells at Spike "Do something".

Granbull tries to swing a punch at the little owl-like Pokemon. However, he falls flat on his face. Injuring his body further.

The mysterious owl-like begins to stare at the beast with its piercing eyes. All of a sudden the brutish beast cannot move and is lifted high into the air. The Hoothoot chuckles as he flings the beast hard into the ground bruising the big bruiser further.

The large man with his bare chest soaking wet after standing in the rain has become very frustrated with his Pokemon.

The rain and winds begin to pick up. As he yells “Use Thunder now!” Spike pounds the ground and summons a large bolt of Thunder. However, he is still to confused to control where the bolt will land.

The bolt comes right down from the heavens and strikes the dog with fierce intensity. Spike falls flat on his face.

The small owl feels like it has won. It looks at the beast and begins to charge at him with all of its might. Scoring a direct hit to Spike.

Kacey begins to look sorry for Spike. However, she knows that the stupid mutt will never listen to her. Nonetheless she figures she must try something.

The rain and winds seem to pick up as if they are reacting to the little girls voice.

Kacey looks at Spike and yells "Do something you stupid dog."

Spike sees Kacey’s face and becomes infuriated he never liked her and the only one he ever let look at him like that was Kacey’s dad. He became so frustrated he commences to let it all out on the poor Hoothoot."

As Spike releases his rage the storm begins to pick up and subside.

Kacey’s dad then looks at Kacey then he tells her "Good job, you deserve this." He then hands his daughter a Pokeball.

The storm calms as little girl takes the small red Pokeball in her tiny little hands and sends it flying towards the defeated Hoothoot.
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Last edited by Rpgraccoon; 05-19-2007 at 06:20 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-13-2007, 05:38 AM
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Default Re: What! is that sound in my window?

Story: Nothing too original, although it works for the owl. I think the character just hears a noise outside, it turns out to be a Pokemon, and the father gives her another one to take care of it. It seems as though the story is started by the appearance of a storm, but you give no indication of the weather later in the story, and even in the battle, which I'm sure could have caused problems on both sides. It's important to keep a close eye to details like this, or your readers could become confused ... I know I wondered what happened with the storm while reading this.

All in all, it's fine, but not spectacular - you have plenty of chances to make me think otherwise, though. Keep improving in this section, and you should be fine.

Spelling/Grammar: Quite a few grammatical errors, which you should check out.

Quote:
Kacey screams! "Dad there is something outside my window!"
Much of your dialogue was done incorrectly, and most of which involved comma usage. First, when starting dialogue, you need to end the current sentence with a period or comma, not exclamation points. It should be 'Kacey screams, "Blah, blah,". In sentences like this, you need to think about where pauses should be, and in here, it's after 'Dad'.

Read the sentence the way it is now - it's a fragment, and doesn't sound very good, does it? No normal person says "Dadthereisomething...", and that's basically what you're indicating here. By saying "Dad, there is something..." it tells the reader how the sentence should be read. You did this plenty of times ("Spike, use Thunder!") so check those in the future.

Quote:
Kacey looks at Spike and yells, "Do something, you stupid dog."
Also keep in mind you must capitalize the first word of dialogue when you start it, even a comma comes before it.

Length: Good for Hoothoot, although some of the grammar errors and lack of details here and there were somewhat distressing.

Detail/Description: Kacey, Kacey, Granbull, Granbull, Hoothoot ... you could be using different words for them, you know. Pronouns help keep a story fresh, and you could be using them here. I'm talking about words like 'he', 'she', 'it', 'little owl', and so on - every single sentence starting with a character's name gets repetitive and really boring - something you don't want to do, or you turn your readers off from your stories.

I think you could have described more things as well, especially how some of the other characters AND Pokemon looked, including attacks, any features that make them unique, the outside, etc. As I said earlier, whatever happened to the storm that was mentioned in the first paragraph? You could be describing it in all of its fury while the two Pokemon battle it out. Also, I've never played any of the Johto games, so I have no idea what New Bark Town looks like. You could describe some of it, if you like, although I suggest it to improve your writing. Details are important to any story.

Battle: I think all that happened was Hoothoot using Hypnosis or something and Granbull using Thunder ... yeah, I'm aware the ugly dog has the advantage, but the battle should still be somewhat fair. Hoothoot has some nasty moves up his wing, so he should be using them to his full advantage to be defending himself. You could also describe how more of the attacks look, and if Thunder does anything significant thanks to the storm that had happened earlier, unless it just magically stopped. Anyway, throw in some more attacks and try to describe them.

Outcome: Hoothoot Not Captured! - Just add more to the battle and maybe describe more things, and I'll be happy to change this.
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  #3  
Old 04-13-2007, 03:58 PM
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Default Re: What! is that sound in my window?

I have fixed it up some. Added pronouns, fixed some comma problems, added more of the storm, and tried to add more to the battle

P.S. The move being used was Supersonic not Hypnosis.

If you check earlier in the story I use a screeching sound.

I just figured supersonic would be more interesting.

Thanks for your help if it is not enough I'll continue to work on it.

I think it is a cute little story.
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Old 04-13-2007, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: What! is that sound in my window?

Well, Supersonic or Hypnosis, one of those.

Anyway, you certainly did improve - sorry if I sould like such a stickler over pronouns, but I like variety being used, you know? It manages to hold my interest and keep things fresh. :) I like some of the details used, and although you still have some grammar errors, those can be fixed in the future. This is pretty good for a first or second story, too.

Hoothoot Captured!

Nice work.
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Old 04-13-2007, 11:14 PM
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Default Re: What! is that sound in my window?

Wow, Thank You so much. I will keep on trying to improve.
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Old 05-08-2007, 11:40 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window?

Why do the rains continue to fall?
A Continuation of: What is that sound in my window?

It has been a week since Kacey had caught her newest friend. The tiny little owl of hers sat on her dresser fast asleep as she stared out the window and watched the cold rain as it fell for the fifth day in the row. Her brown silky hair flowed down her back just like rain as she let out a sigh, which awakened her little Hoothoot from its slumber.

The little creature started to stir, and he let out a little cry, “Hoot.”

“Oh sorry, Winston,” replied Kacey, startled at the cry of her little Pokemon.

Since Kacey’s capture she had taken her time to name her cute little companion. In her mind she listed quite a few names from: Morey, Ollie, Willy, Edward, Mike, & William. However, she found the name Winston to be more distinguished than all the others. Thus, the name stuck to the little critter.

In her tiny little room there was not much to do. She looked around as the little HootHoot appeared to try to mimic her every move. In the end, she just decided to turn on the radio and see if anything interesting was on. She turned the dial until she could hear someone’s voice.

“Torrential rains continue to fall on New Bark town and the surrounding regions. However, many experts and Pokemon trainers are blaming Pokemon for this incident.”

Kacey turns the radio off, click.

Then the little girl said in an excited voice, “Let’s go out HootHoot!”

HootHoot just looked confused at the excited girl.

Kacey then started to dig through her closet. She found a pair of galoshes, a yellow rain coat, slickers, and an umbrella. She then began to suite up. Then she picked up the tiny little red Pokeball and called Winston into it. Winston then began to disappear in a strange reddish glow.

Kacey then began to run towards the door. Not even thinking she did not even own any Pokeballs.

Suddenly, she was stopped by her father’s loud voice, “Kacey, what are you doing?”

Kacey froze and began to shiver at the sound of her dad’s massive voce.

Quietly she responded, “I want to go out and try to catch some wild Pokemon.”

Kacey’s dad then responded with a grumble. “You know you cannot do that without Pokeballs, and you are still too young to technically be participating in the Pokemon League.”

Kacey’s mom at responded out of the blue, “Well honey I was not much younger than her when I started catching Pokemon. Plus, you let her catch her first one not long ago. Were you not impressed with how she handled that brute of a Granbull of yours?”

Kacey’s Dad who sunk back into the couch, and responded, “Yes, she did do quite well. However, she isn’t just going out with her first Pokemon.” He then takes some Pokeballs from his pocket and two other Pokeballs from his belt. “Here take Spike and Nerys with you as well.” He then hands his daughter the Pokeballs and shows her out the door and into the rain.

As Kacey walked the path through town towards the forest it seemed like a new world. The ground was as mushy as her moms mash potatoes and gravey. As she walked she noticed quite a few new faces around town most likely these people were trainers and researchers trying to understand why it was constantly raining on the tiny little town. Kacey just paid them no mind as she continued on her way her umbrella held high and her sights set on the forest in front of her.

As the rain fell hard and the winds blew her around she wondered the woods seeing all sorts of Pokemon and people about. As she was admiring her surroundings, suddenly, a harsh wind began to blow and her umbrella was lifted out of her hands and into the bush. Kacey franticly ran into the bush, as she did she did not even notice the young man who was not more than two feet away.

His black hair was cut short and he was wearing some large thick glasses and a lab coat as he held a pair of binoculars. Also, he was so preoccupied in his work that he did not notice the umbrella float by him. He was quietly watching a small Wooper while he tried to figure out these strange rains.

The little girl was not very graceful in all the rain and wind let alone in the bush as well. Thus, when she came tumbling though the bush, she ran right into the young fellow with a loud thump. This loud noise not only knocked the young man down into the soggy muck, but also scared the little Pokemon he was trying to watch away.

Kacey stumbled about as she tried to stand after plowing over the young man. However, soon she realized she was still on top of the fellow. She moved over where he could stand up.

The young man stood up and tried to regain his composure. First, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a red cloth to clean off the leans of his glasses. Once he could see, he wiped some mud off of his coat and asked the little girl who plowed into him, “Who the heck are you little Miss?”

Kacey embarrassingly responded, “Well, my name is Kacey. I live about a mile back that way in New Bark Town.” She then proceeded to point back the way she came.

He then responded, “Well my name is David I hail from the Hoenn region. I have come to investigate why there is a sudden increase in the amount of rainfall in this area.” He then bent down and picked up his binoculars. “However, I lost my lead when you came by. I do not need a little girl in my way. So, either go home or prove or battle me.”

Kacey seemed quite surprised by this offer a battle out of the blue; however, he seemed to just not understand why she was there. Kacey then ran to her umbrella and picked it up before responding. “Sure, what are the rules David?”

David then said, “Well, I assumed you where not a trainer you do not look of age. Well then how about we just do an one on one.”

David then stood back as he pulled back his lanky arms as her released a little red Pokeball and said. “Go Gyzmo.” The rain fell and lightning flashed in the sky as the little creature popped out of the Pokeball. This had to of been the strangest thing Kacey had too of ever of seen in her life. It was round with a screw sticking out of its top as it seemed to float in the air. She just stood there as she looked so confused.

David then laughed. “Oh my, you are new. How old are you anyways? Do you even have a Pokedex? “

She was so mesmerized by the creature that she took quite some time to answer the question. “Oh hu, I am eight, Thus, I cannot officially enter the league and do not have a Pokedex yet. That is such a cool Pokemon what is it?”

“Well let me explain, this is my Magnemite Gyzmo he is a steel and electric type and that is all you get for free understand” replied David. Kacey just nodded. David then responded again “Well, I have an additional Pokedex on me actually instead of money I will give you this if you win. However, if you lose just go home as I request okay.” Kacey again nodded.

Kacey was just thrilled; she could finally use her first Pokemon. That she did not even take the time to think about what David had stated earlier. She just went with it and grabbed her little red Pokeball in hand and tossed it onto the muddy field.

Once Winston exited his Pokeball he fell into the cold mud on the forest floor. Unlike most birds, however, he found it quite relaxing and just began to roll around.

Gyzmo floated around and looked at the strange bird and released a spark of electrical energy. However, surprisingly while the creature was rolling in the mud it was having no effect.

David looked on with surprise as his little Pokemon kept trying to use his electrical powers on the bird with no effect. David being an educated man thought this battle should have been over with very quickly.

Kacey looked at her little Pokemon and laughed. Then she had an idea. Kacey kindly asked her little owl to bring Magnemite down to their level. Winston reared back and responded by tackling the little machine and knocking it into the mud. Magenmite could not move one bit and its electrical powers could not come out in all the thick mud. It just sat there as the Hoothoot acted like a little pig and wallowed in the mud.

In no time the battle was won and Kacey was awarded with her first Pokedex.
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Last edited by Rpgraccoon; 05-18-2007 at 03:12 AM. Reason: 2 Weeks in the Making 2 revisions by myself + longest story by me
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Old 05-16-2007, 10:21 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window?

Kacey stared at the strange device, while David recalled his tiny little Pokemon to its little red Pokeball. Kacey then put the device in the pocket of her rain coat and recalled Winston into its Pokeball. However, Winston seemed rather reluctant to return to the Pokeball as it was still frolicking in the cold mud. Nonetheless, Kacey still recalled her little friend. The little girl then pulled out the strange device and started to fiddle with it a bit.

David then looked over at Kacey. “Well, Kacey you won the fight so you can keep the Pokedex. Also, I may need some assistance so if you would like to follow along with me, and I can show you how to use the Pokedex.” The little girl squealed “eiiieee….” with delight at the young man’s words. “Shhh...” David responded, “You must be quite though.” Kacey nodded in agreement.
Quietly Kacey and her newest friend David lurked through the bush as the rained poured down upon them. They both would set still as quite as mice just observing the wild Pokemon. The only time any sound was mad was when David would reach over and show Kacey how to operate the Pokedex. After a few trial runs Kacey became an old pro at running it. She could read all the stats, look up moves, find out what Pokemon where supposed to be living in her town and which ones where not.

Then suddenly, David poked Kacey. Kacey shuddered as goose bumps ran down her spine. She then said to David, “What is it?”

David then pointed at a little blue Pokemon that was hopping about in the distance. “There use your Pokedex on that Pokemon.”

Kacey popped open her new red Pokedex and pointed it at the little creature. The Pokedex began to pull up some interesting information. “Wooper usually lives in water. However, it occasionally comes out onto land in search of food. On land, it coats its body with a gooey, toxic film.” –Seribii.net Also, the Pokedex told her that this creature was not commonly seen in this neck of the woods. Thus, she wondered why it was here.

David then explained to Kacey, “Recently in Hoenn we have been researching Pokemon that can change the weather. The Wooper here love the rain. Thus, we brought a few Mudkip to this area and tried to catch a few to test this theory on. However, most escaped and bread with the Mudkip and now me and a few others are tracking them and that particular Mudkip down plus any other Pokemon that could have bred with them. “

Kacey found all of this incredibly exciting. She then asked David, “Is this also one of those Pokemon?”

David then replied, “Yes, this one will lead us to its father and mother I can catch him and, take him back to my boss.”

“Okay,” Kacey responded with a smile.

The little blue Pokemon hopped about, wallowed in the mud and, went for a dip in a puddle then finally began to move.

David and Kacey followed the little Pokemon as quickly as they could. However, the little critter out ran them once again.

David became quite frustrated. He sat down in the cold mud and took some pills out of his pocket and began to pop a few into his mouth. Kacey began to notice he was looking quite fatigued. Then she pulled out her Pokedex and typed in the Misdreavus. She scrolled though its moves to find out if the little ghost could do anything to help. Her father never really used this Pokemon. Thus, the cute little girl was not sure what this ghost was capable of. She put up the Pokedex now that she has familiarized herself with the ghosts moves. She then releases Nerys and tells her to follow along.

David regains his composure and notices the ghost following along. “Well she may be of assistance with those eyes of hers good idea Kacey.”

Kacey began to blush and in the cold dark rain the red of her cheeks stood out like a sore thumb.

Kacey and David then began to wait again. While Nerys just floated by Kacey occasionally fading into existence.

Then as the rains began to let up a little they saw another Wooper this one had brown scales covering its body. It was a little less rambunctious as well. Kacey then requested Nerys to use mean look on the little blue Pokemon. Nerys eyes began to appear in the bush in front of the tiny Pokemon. These large red eyes were more than the tiny little creature could bear. Thus, he got up and began to run deeper into the dark forest.

Kacey then asked Nerys if she could see anything. Nerys nodded and lead David and Kacey though the bush and to the little Wooper.

As they reached their destination the little girl and the young man where drenched water and covered in mud from head to toe. Plus, they were so exhausted that they could barely stand. However, they had made it to the nest. The Mudkip small male Mudkip laid beside his love a large purple Quagsire and all three of their children.

The rain finally began to let up and the Mudkip stoop up. Quietly Kacey and David watched as Mudkip began to dance and so did is eight little children. They stomped around for about five minutes and then it began to pour again.

David then turned to Kacey then said, “We can let the little ones escape for now we have to keep our eyes on the Mudkip. He has the strongest control over the weather. However, I think he may not give up without a fight.”

Kacey nodded. She was scared and wet, however, she knew what to do she asked Nerys to lock onto the Mudkip Nerys did this without hesitation. Now with Neryis’es glace loceked onto the little Pokemon there was no escape for it anymore.

David knew the battle would be a lot tougher if the three children decided to stay. Thus he had to find a way to run them off first. He stopped for a moment and thought as the winds blew about him. Suddenly, it came to him he asked Kacey, “Lets both go to the back side of the nest and start howling then we shall enter the battle. Keep your Misdreavus in the background to make sure our target does not run okay?” Kacey replied with a nod.

Slowly, the both of them crawled in the muck until they reached the back of the nest. Then Kacey and David began to let out strange noises as they did this they would also splash about and rattle leaves. Misdreavus found this amusing and also decided to join in occasionally.


However, just as expected Mudkip, Quagsire, and all of their little children awoke from their nap. The children let out a cry and of course just like David predicted began to run in fear. The Mother and Father just looked around in confusion as Kacey and David emerged from the muddy forest floor.

The large purple Quagsire stood in front and tried to form a blockade where Mudkip could flee. Mudkip then attempted to run after his children. However, he did not know that all night he had been watched by another. He ran as fast as he could, however, after every step he was met with a pair of large red ghoulish eyes. He could not avoid them. Thus, he decided he must stay and fight. He then got as close as he could to his lover and into a combat stance.

Kacey called out her first Pokemon again Winston the tiny little owl HootHoot emerged from the Pokeball. She then watched to see what David would pull out from under his lab coat.

David then pulled out a white Pokeball. He tossed it gracefully onto the damp field, and released and odd looking Pokemon. Kacey could tell by its looks that it was a grass Pokemon, but she was unfamiliar with it. Thus, she had to pull out her new red Pokedex. Kacey pulled it out and looked up the Pokemon. The Pokedex showed that,”This Pokemon pulls out the leaf on its head and makes a flute with it. The sound of Nuzleaf’s flute strikes fear and uncertainty in the hearts of people lost in a forest.” She was quite expressed with David’s Pokemon as usual.

Mudkip stand in front of Quagsire. While Winston and Nuzleaf stand in front of the two. Quagsire then begins to stomp the ground with its massive tail. Nuzleaf begins to tumble around. Hoothoot flies up avoiding the attack. Nuzleaf, however, is not fazed much by the attack.

Mudkip knows then gets an idea he digs underground and pops up right behind the Nuzleaf and delivers an Ice beam right into the grass Pokemon’s face.

Nuzleaf is knocked down and nearly out. Kacey feels as though she has done nothing this whole fight. She can no longer see Mudkip as the rain has now covered up his hole again. However, she begins to hatch a plan. She tells her little owl to begin to roost over next to Nuzleaf. Winston then begins to rest and as he does the Mudkip comes swimming though the ground like a fish. Nuzleaf then delivers a devastating bullet seed right into Mudkip’s face as it emerges from the ground Mudkip then falls back.

David then told Kacey, “We have to take care of the Quagsire now!” Just then Quagsire got up and slammed HootHoot with its massive tail.

Winston is sent flying though the air. The wind blows him far away. Kacey then began to run after her little Pokemon. David looked back. Mudkip is nearly exhausted Quagsire is not injured much. However, Nuzleaf will not see the end of the battle. He then knows what he must do. He then turns to his Pokemon and nods. Nuzleaf the looks at David and nods back.

Without question Nuzleaf closed his eyes. Mudkip returned flying out of the ground just in time as Nuzleaf turned a bright red and exploded which delivered a hefty amount of damage to both Pokemon.

David then went after Kacey. He found her sitting down in the bush just a little while back. He then replied, “Are you okay.”

Kacey replied, “Yeah, I am and so is Winston. We just needed a second. Where is Nuzleaf?”

David replied, “He is back in my Pokeball with Gyzmo. I had him use explosion. However, now Mudkip and Quagsire are both weakened. This is our chance.”

Kacey then got up and returned to the battle. She looked on to see Missdreavus attempting to fight on her own. She had been keeping the two busy while David and Kacey were away.

Kacey then said, “You can stop now Nerys.” Nerys stopped fighting and faded out of existence.

Kacey asked Winston if he was ready to go again. Winston replied with a healthy, “Hoot.”

David then released his final Pokemon a tiny little Spoink.

Kacey just laughed and replied, “Is this your last one? He is so cute”

David replied “Yes, he is not my favorite. However, he was a gift from my grandma. Thus, I keep him on my team. Now, let’s get to the fight.”

Mudkip and Quagsire stood together again, and began to get to their usual tricks. Mudkip dug underground and Quagsire readied its powerful tail.

Kacey watched as Mudkip dug underground. Then she commanded Winston to use hypnosis. Hoothoot stared Quagsire in the face and began to let out a hypnotizing sound. Quagsire was quickly put to sleep within seconds by the cunning HootHoot.

Mudkip then rose from underneath the earth. David told his silly little Pokemon to bounce. Spoink did what it normally does, and Mudkip could not catch the spring Pokemon. The more Spoink bounced and avoided Mudkips attacks the more Mudkip would become filled with rage.


Winston just sat down and began to eat all of the tasty dreams of the sleeping mother Quagusire. However, soon she awoke in a bad mood. Then she delivered another brutal attack with her massive tail and knocked the HootHoot into the Spoink. The Spoink then fell into the earth.


Unfortunately, for David and Kacey that left them both venerable. Soon both of the Pokemon were on top of Spoink and HootHoot. Kacey quickly recalled Winston just as both Quagusire and Mudkip delivered an ice beam to poor Spoink. David was now out of the fight. Kacey knew she could not deal with both of them at the same time. She had to get rid of Quagsire.

She then called Nerys out of hiding, and sent Winston back out. She asked Winston to use hypnosis on Quagsire, and Nerys to use confuse ray on Mudkip. Without delay both of them executed the little girl’s commands. Mudkip then began to try to dig underground again. However, he slipped on the mud. Just as he did this Kacey began to laugh.

Then David replied, “You need to catch him before Quagsire gets up we can deal with her later on.”
Kacey then turned to David. Then she turned to look at the battle, as the dark rain falls onto the ground. Finally, she begins to dig into her pockets in search of an empty Pokeball. She finds a tiny little red Pokeball and tossed it at the Mudkip.
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Last edited by Rpgraccoon; 05-18-2007 at 03:13 AM.
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Old 06-08-2007, 10:07 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window? ( Pat 2 is Finished )

I will get this for you, as I said I would.
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Old 06-09-2007, 01:31 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window? ( Pat 2 is Finished )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megumi View Post
I will get this for you, as I said I would.
Thanks, I was just getting worried. This thing was getting so dusty it just begs to have some polish put on it.

This was a completely new experience for me. I never attempted a Pokemon higher than simple. I never continued an existing plot. Thus, I got a little flustered when writing it.

I am really happy you chose to help me out and grade it as you have walked my road before. Plus, you graded the previous which means you know the characters and the tone of this story.

Thanks Again.

P.S. After trying to write this story I took a stab at another short story and it was so much easier. Soon I will get the hang of it.
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Old 06-11-2007, 06:32 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window? ( Pat 2 is Finished )

I'm really sorry, but I just haven't had the motivation to do these. I've read your story, and I've decided that the Mudkip would be barely captured, so you may add it to your stats if you like. I will be editing my previous post with an actual grade sometime soon, but at the moment, I just can't do it.

Check the post for the grade, as I will list what needs to be fixed and such, though.
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:09 PM
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Default Re: What is that sound in my window? ( Pat 2 is Finished )

I look forward to your full grade later till then I'll play with my little frog. :). P.S. I will revise this thing as I know it needs some work still.
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