Member List
Log Out
Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000  

Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Interactive Boards » Creative Writing

Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.

Thread Tools
Old 05-19-2007, 06:38 PM
Psychic Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On Serebiiforums
Posts: 445
Default Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

'Lo, all. This is Psychic, from SPPf. I've been a fic writer and reviewer for quite some time now, and upon deciding that I should branch out and have a look at some other Pokémon forums I decided to join this one.

As such, I believed it would be a good idea to post one of my stories, just to show what I can do. It actually won third place in a writing contest on serebiiforums, and I am generally quite happy with it.

So enjoy. Comments, criticism, all of it is more than welcome, as I would love to hear some thoughts and opinions on it. Oh, and yes, I love Mewtwo: he is my complex emo boi whom I want in between the sheets. Read first, judge me later. X3

Starting Anew

He watched on.

He watched on, horrified, terrified, by what he saw. Unable to do a thing, unable to find a way to stop the madness.

The sky was filled with crimson clouds, blocking out all the sun’s light and casting the world in shadow. Hellish fire rained from the sky, scorching everything in its path. The ground opened up and created gaping chasms, swallowing up anything nearby. Fierce gales swept even the heaviest objects off the ground, sending them crashing down miles away. Huge waves crashed on the shore, flooding areas miles around. Lightning flashed across the blood red sky, illuminating the scene below.

Creatures of every shape and size were running about in panic, trying desperately to escape the natural disasters that took the lives of hundreds every second. The panic was like a disease, spreading like wildfire, affecting humans and Pokémon alike causing them to scream out in desperation, running as if blind, trampling one another in a mad dash to find nonexistent safety. The flames falling from the heavens ignited whatever they touched, consuming plants, buildings, even living creatures, causing them to burn to the ground. An unnatural fear gripped the heart of every living creature, clouding their minds with single one thought: run. Friends had become enemies, blocking all possible escapes, and in their fear some even rung the necks of others. It was mad, and the world no longer made any sense.

And still, they watched, doing nothing to protect the earth which they had been charged to protect. It was now being destroyed, the natural, yet unnatural calamities killing everything in sight, with none able to hide or protect themselves.

Doom was imminent.

He looked about; seemingly calm despite the chaotic scene before his deep, lavender eyes. The creature stood tall and firm despite the appearance of the wiry thin body he had been given, a sickly grey in color, with only a chest plate protecting his upper body. Long, bony arms remained at his sides, the hands with balled fingers curled into fists. A thick purple tail swished slowly behind him, like a snake attempting to hypnotize its prey. He was deep in thought, trying to understand what he was seeing, and why he was feeling things he had never before felt.

At first glance, Mewtwo seemed almost unfazed, unaffected by what he saw, but looking deeper, his eyes seemed troubled, and his sharp mind was not at peace, but hard at work solving a puzzle. The clone could not understand why, even as he looked down upon a world that had only caused him pain and suffering, that had taken advantage of him, that had refused to see him as anything as a tool, why he pitied them so.

“It must be done,” the Pokémon announced in a great, booming voice that echoed against the damp cave walls. He spread his grand multicolored wings wide, bright red feathers shining like a million dancing flames. The sharp black eyes of Ho-Oh were upon every creature in the huge cavern, all of whom had gone silent at the phoenix’s words.

They ranged in colors and sizes, each representing a different element that kept the world in place, each unique, each cherished by humans. No two were the same, and just like they were different in appearance, so were their roles in the world different. The one thing they all shared was an aura of power, of dignity, of wisdom and knowledge gained from their countless years of life. Respected, revered, some even feared by mortal creatures.

Now each contemplated, and each couldn’t help but feel an intense sorrow. Overwhelming sadness filled the ancient chamber in which the Legendaries had held their Councils, but each was resigned and knew there was no other choice, no way to hide it.

“It must be done,” Ho-Oh repeated solemnly, dipping his great head and allowing one, single tear to fall from his ruby red eye. The last tear he would shed, with it letting go of his love and attachment for the world.

The clone had been at the Council, and he knew what would transpire because of it. However, Mewtwo had not spoken up, remaining silent as he watched the other Legendaries each shed a single tear for the world, a pure drop of water fall from each of their eyes. He had remained motionless at the back of the cavern, doing nothing, not once speaking. He had always felt out of place among these god-like creatures, even despite his own power which rivaled most of their own. He had really only been given the privilege to attend the Councils because of his relation to Mew, and it was only because of this similarity in DNA that he had a small say in what was done, smaller than even Latios and his sister. Not to say he was looked down upon- they had been kind to him and welcomed him with open arms, but he knew well that some of the Legendaries were still wary around him.

Sill, in regards to making this decision, Mewtwo had nothing to say. After all, he had been created by mortals, so who was he to decide their fate?

Just as he had remained silent at the Council, so he remained silent here. Above the desolation, the fear, the suffering it was harder to understand and believe what was happening below. A nightmarish scene, taking place in a world the Legendaries had breathed life into and that had in turn created him. He did hate the humans for what they had done, or he at least hated the individuals- as he had learned, not all humans were all that bad. But they were all long gone, having died many years ago, and there were no traces of his creation left. Mewtwo had no attachments left in the world, nothing left to which he could feel a connection down below- not to good, nor to bad.

Yet he still felt an intense sense of pity for them. But…why? After all, this, what was transpiring below, was to benefit the Earth: cleansing it, then starting again.

Mewtwo sighed. It still seemed almost…wrong. Was this what the world truly deserved?

The clone’s uneasy thoughts tugged at his mind, but his confusion seemed to reach other ears as well.

A small, cat-like creature sensed Mewtwo’s thoughts, even from afar. Her short ears seemed to twitch, and she turned her elegant body, covered in fine pink fur to look at him with a large pair of bright sapphire eyes. Mew turned away from her previous perch and floated over to her clone, giving her long whip-like tail a little flick, the ovular shape at the end swishing.

“You seem troubled, Mewtwo,” she said in his mind, the words ringing clear and pure as a crystal bell.

He seemed taken aback from her approaching him and speaking- until then, they had all been staring below in silence, each lost in their own private thoughts.

Mewtwo could never help but find it strange how the two seemed to share a bond, connected like no others. Although it was not great, it was still firm, like a rope tied between the two that despite creating a connection between them, still gave them room to be independent creatures. Of course, Mew did share a slight connection to every living being; she was, after all, the Mother of them all. Every living creature was hers, each loved, and each given a blessing by her that fit the individual. Mewtwo suddenly understood that no matter how much this pained the others, Mew was the one who was most affected, and her pain must run deeper than any other.

Mewtwo hung his head, closing his eyes. “Yes,” he finally answered. “Though the reason why eludes me.”

Mew nodded solemnly. “That is unlike you, Mewtwo,” she said gently. “This is the first time you have felt pity, is it not?”

“Yes, but it makes no sense. The humans and Pokémon below have given me nothing. Only one has brought me anything other than pain, and he is long gone. Not a trace of my existence is left, save a small myth. So why do I…care?”

Mew paused for a moment, then smiled, more to herself than to him. “Because life, no matter how small, no matter its importance, no matter its weight in the world, is still…wonderful.”

The clone’s eyes widened in unexplained shock. The words were words that had always rang gently in his head, like a distant whisper on the wind of his thoughts. No more real than a figment, grounded only by a flash of a memory. But with Mew’s words they became persistent suddenly, the always unspoken words seeming real, now. “Mew…” he began, but the little Legendary merely smiled and floated away, somersaulting in the air as she left him to his own thoughts once more.

A long breath escaped his lips, and he closed his eyes, blocking out the scene before them. If life is so wonderful, why is this world so full of life being destroyed?

They descended from on high, like a group of angels returning to a god-forsaken earth.

Finally, it was over.

The world looked like it had been ravaged by war. The ground, once rich, loamy soil was now red with blood, covered by lifeless bodies and pieces of debris from trees, buildings, cars, everything and anything was scattered about. Some piles were indistinguishable, the difference between steel, nature and flesh impossible to make out. Small fires still burned in some places, carrying the strong stench of burnt flesh into the thick air in pillars of black smoke.

The feelings of pain and defeat hung in the dead air, a ghastly stench that would overwhelm any mortal’s nostrils. Not to say the Legendaries were unaffected by what they saw: grief radiated off each one, the sadness gripping their hearts clear in each set of eyes that surveyed the scene of destruction. A world they themselves had shaped, now destroyed by its own creators.

Ho-Oh’s sharp ruby eyes glanced over each Legendary present, boring into them intently and sending each a silent message. When they reached the lavender eyes of Mewtwo, holding them and locking them sternly, the clone couldn’t help but shudder. In the bird’s eyes he could see the pain he had endured from watching the Apocalypse, the intense sadness from seeing the death overwhelming the Legendary. But there was also the will to move on, to keep going, to begin anew. Ho-Oh was willing to lend them his strength, but they had to be willing to take it.

Mewtwo nodded in silent acceptance. He was willing to help.

With a satisfied gleam in his eye, Ho-Oh brought his long, elegant neck upwards, staring straight into the sky. Firm, resolute, and utterly dedicated. The mighty phoenix opened his golden beak wide, and from it released a long, mournful cry. The sound was pure and clear, echoing in the still air for a moment as if it was all that existed. A cry that could be heard all across the barren world.

Once the sound began to die away, the world around them seemed to melt, everything on the ground turning into a grey, powdery substance that almost dissolved at the touch. Mewtwo blinked, and upon further inspection found it to be ash. The ashes of the dead world, now all that remained of it.

The clone, however, still didn’t comprehend. The world, everything the Legendaries had been charged to protect, everything the humans had created, every part of it was gone. Now it was all just a barren wasteland, devoid of anything other than the residue of a cleansing fire. What was there to be done now? Leave the land to rot?

“Et vetera, et nova. From the old comes the new.” Mewtwo snapped his head to see who had spoken, his eyes falling on a small green creature with a large, swept back head and short, stubby arms who floated in the air on blue pixie wings. Celebi’s deep-sunken sapphire eyes met with Mewtwo’s violet ones, and she gave him a small smile.

“Rebuild,” she said in almost a whisper. The Time Travel Pokémon closed her eyes, and as the other Legendaries watched her intently, the tips of the two antennae on her head began to glow an electric blue. A great power was emanating off of her, one that each Legendary could feel: this was her greatest strength, drawn from the innermost part of her soul. There was a great rumbling underneath the ground, like a great beast stirring after a long slumber. The clouds in the sky shifted, first losing their red tinge, then dissolving and completely disappearing to reveal a perfectly clear azure blue sky, the sun lighting up the world for the first time in days, shining brighter than ever before.

Her antennae stopped glowing, and Celebi opened her eyes, a peaceful, content look on her face. She looked calm, though slightly drained and somewhat unstable in the air, smiling slowly.

Mewtwo looked around, unsure of what had just taken place. Did it even make a difference? The world would never be the same, and while he didn’t miss a world that had hated and shunned him, he still…missed it.

“What is this all for?” Mewtwo asked aloud, a sudden anger in his voice. “Everything is gone! Nothing is left, save memories and ashes! There is no life left!” Didn’t they understand?! They had destroyed it, and they couldn’t bring it back! It was all for nothing! Even if the world had been evil, consumed by hatred and greed, it had still been full, and there had still been life in it!

“From the old comes the new. All is not lost,” Ho-Oh announced, walking over to the clone, black talons digging into the ground and sending small puffs of ash into the air.

“Look.” Ho-Oh spread a great, rainbow-colored wing, gesturing to Suicune. The beast of the Northern winds nodded to the phoenix in understanding, the huge crystal mounted atop her head shimmering in the light of the sun. She gave Mewtwo a gentle smile with her white muzzle, then with one blue-furred paw Suicune brushed away a layer of ash on the ground, revealing underneath a single bud with two tiny leaves barely poking out of the ground. As the ashes were brushed into the air, the young plant’s leaves unfurled, welcoming the sun and soaking in its rays for the first time.

“The world shall be rebuilt, Mewtwo. It will not be the same, but it shall still be beautiful and unique. All will be well for everyone once again,” Ho-Oh explained gently, a small smile dancing on his lips. “And even you shall have a place among this new world.”

Mewtwo’s eyes opened, and he saw the offer he was being made. To be accepted, not as a clone, not as a shadow, but to have a true place in the world and be accepted. That was, in a way, what he had always wanted, But did that mean he would lose his identity, and no longer be Mewtwo? Would he have to become something he wasn’t? Or did he still wish to be a mere copy?

After a long moment of thought, Mewtwo finally spoke, closing his eyes and imagining what this new world would be.

“Life…is wonderful. And now I can be a part of it; but as none but myself.” And he would be content.
Check out the first-ever Canadian Pokémon convention, Pokéthon!
Pokéthon is a new sub-event at Otakuthon, an animé convention in Montreal, Quebec! We hope to see you there!

Last edited by Psychic; 06-17-2007 at 03:23 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2007, 10:25 PM
Neptune's Avatar
Neptune Offline
Elite Trainer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: RAWR
Posts: 732
Send a message via AIM to Neptune Send a message via Yahoo to Neptune
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

I really liked this--it's got a good hook and the story makes you want to keep reading. All the characters are well-defined given the length, Mewtwo especially. I can't imagine why this hasn't gotten a response yet, so I'll try to give a thorough review. There are only a couple of things I found that I can give you concrit on, and they're small (and one might just be my personal interpretation of things being a bit off). Bolded things in quotes are what I changed because sometimes I think I'm not explaining things properly, so I like to show what I mean.

First, something I noticed in general. When you're writing dialogue, you end each speaking part with a period. The dialogue and the tag are one sentence in most cases, so there should be a comma where the period is.

Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
“You seem troubled, Mewtwo, she said in his mind, the words ringing clear and pure as a crystal bell.

Now, something more specific.

Originally Posted by Psychic View Post
He looked about; looking calm, despite the chaotic scene before his deep, lavender eyes.
I don't believe that semicolon should be there, as "looking calm..." would not stand on its own. I also think the use of "looked" and "looking" so closely together works well here. I think replacing "looking calm" with "calmly" and cutting out the semicolon would have worked better.

Originally Posted by Psychic
At first glance, Mewtwo seemed almost unfazed, unaffected by what he saw...
"Unfazed" and "unaffected" have similar meanings, and I don't think anything is gained by the repetition here.

I think I noticed a contradiction as well, albeit a small one (I didn't notice it until the second time I read it):

Originally Posted by Psychic
Mew turned away from a previous conversation, floated over to her clone, giving her long whip-like tail a little flick, the ovular shape at the end swishing.
Originally Posted by Psychic
He seemed taken aback from her approaching him and speaking- until then, they had all been staring below in silence, each lost in their own private thoughts.
If Mew had been conversing, then they couldn't have all been staring in silence, unless I missed something (which is possible).

Originally Posted by Psychic
The ground, once rich, loamy soil was now red with blood
I think you need a comma after "soil" there.

Now, I was a bit confused at the end by what I thought was a sudden change in Mewtwo's view of what is going on. He seems troubled throughout by what's going on, but he seems to accept it with a speed that doesn't seem to fit the time he was troubled. Also, I'm not quite sure why the legendary Pokemon decided to destroy everything. You say the world was corrupted, but there's nothing there showing that, so it seems overly dramatic to wipe everything out completely. Maybe if there was a scene showing the complete corruption of the world, it would have been easier for me to understand. This may just be part of my own personal biases regarding stories like this, however.

Anyway, I did really enjoy this story, and while it stands alone well, it seems as if it could continue into something longer that would be a very interesting read. I think the idea you've presented is interesting, and the story is well-written. I hope you bring more of your writing to PE2K.
Espeon @1026|VPP|URPG|NBL|DPTrades
Welcome to Shiyo. -coming soon-
Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2007, 02:56 PM
LordZangoose Offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: im in ur town, burning ur buildingz
Posts: 2,370
Send a message via AIM to LordZangoose Send a message via MSN to LordZangoose
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

Excellent, excellent, excellent. I've always read some of your fanfics on SPPf about Mewtwo, and in my opinion, this may be your best one. The story is a very emotional one, and I think you do show what Mewtwo is feeling very well. The interaction between characters is good as well, but unfortunately, I think you somewhat neglected other characters to put Mewtwo in the spotlight. I know this may be a one-shot, but you really do leave alot of room open for a sequel.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2007, 03:36 PM
Draconic_Espeon's Avatar
Draconic_Espeon Offline
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 3,570
Send a message via AIM to Draconic_Espeon Send a message via MSN to Draconic_Espeon Send a message via Yahoo to Draconic_Espeon Send a message via Skype™ to Draconic_Espeon
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

You've really captured Mewtwo's personality well here. It's all well written, and heart-wrenching as well, watching the world be destroyed, however corrupted it may have been. Not that I'm overly religious, but it seems in a way almost like the story of Noah's Ark, rebuilding the world to make it better.

Overall, I truly enoyed the story. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it was that it didn't seem to last long enough, but then, that happens with all good stories, no matter their length. I hope to see more fanfictions from you. ^^

Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2007, 05:14 PM
Lucarichi's Avatar
Lucarichi Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Legions of the Internet
Posts: 313
Send a message via Yahoo to Lucarichi
Talking Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

wow this is good! wonder if jirachi's gonna be in it. me luffles jirachi ^^ anywhoozywhatsits, i really like it!^^ well, 'cept 4 the apocalypes (did i spell it irght?) thingy. it would be weird if a few survived. anywho, keep up the good work!!!!^^
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2007, 08:38 PM
Psychic Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On Serebiiforums
Posts: 445
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

Fwee replies! :3 Didn’t think I’d get many of these.

Now for my replies to the replies, which I have been meaning to do for ages but kept getting distracted and forgetting that I even wrote this. @.@

Neptune: Ah, I’m happy to see a review from you, and a good one at that. I noticed you before and you looked like one of the best reviewers here- it’s nice to see a comment from you!

Thanks firstly for the compliments, secondly in addressing my punctuation in dialogue, I understand what you mean completely. I recently learned about this from multiple people and have since been learning to use commas, but I still forget at times and I didn’t realize that this piece was also wrong- truth be told I didn’t really edit it since posted it on SPPf, and the past times I reread it I mostly skimmed it. *whacks self with rolled-up newspaper* Bad, bad, I know.

I am also considering the other things you pointed out and will find ways to edit most, if not all of them. I did not notice the contradiction you pointed out, but I suppose it’s because in my mind’s eye, Mew’s other conversation had been quiet and hushed, though I didn’t think to mention it. I also noticed another contradiction, and that was in Mewtwo’s reaction to the Apocalypse; at first he is horrified, then he is calm. I need to figure out a way to fix that, but I thank you, as if you hadn’t quoted both parts I wouldn’t have seen it. @.@

Admittedly, Mewtwo’s reaction does come off as being too sudden, however I like to think that his change isn’t full, because while he does agree to become a part of this new world, he still wants to be “as none but himself” therefore meaning he would not be an ‘open’ Legendary per say, as in one well-known and is some sort of god, but as a creature who keeps to the shadows (though less than before) and is distinctly different and not well-known.

In regards to there being no explanation for the Apocalypse, I purposely chose not to show exactly why- all that needs to be known is that it is MANY years after even Ash’s grandchildren have died, Team Rocket doesn’t even exist anymore but the world has just…turned sour. Showing this alone would hjave been difficult, however I didn’t put it in for another reason, and that was that this story isn’t about the Apocalypse. It isn’t about humans and Pokémon. It isn’t about the choice of the Legendaries. This One-Shot is about Mewtwo and his thoughts during the Apocalypse. I wanted to put in a what-if scenario and show how I thought Mewtwo would react to it all, as I absolutely love the character and had for a while been musing about an apocalypse in the Pokémon world.

But anyhow, I’m glad you enjoyed it, and while it theory this could be made to be even a fic in itself, I don’t think I’d be able to pull off writing too much about it.

I do intend to post another piece or two of mine here- just keep your eyes peeled! Thanks a TON for the review!

LordZangoose: Er…I’ve never posted any other Mewtwo fics before. This is my one and only, although I also posted it on SPPf. Never written any other fics with even a mention a Mewtwo before. o.O

Anyways, thank you for the review; I’m happy to hear so many positive things. However, Mewtwo WAS the focus of the story: I wrote this in the third person limited point of view and it was MEANT to be about Mewtwo and his thoughts and actions at the time that all of this was taking place. The focus was on Mewtwo, not what was going on around him. ^.~

Draconic_Espeon: Good, I’m glad- had I found that I was unable to properly depict Mewtwo’s character I’d have been truly ashamed as the huge Mewtwo fan I am.

*nods* The idea is similar to that of Noah’s Ark, yes, and it’s the basic idea, too, since while the Legendaries aren’t taking one of each species onto a big boat to save them, the new world is still being born from the old.

And XD that’s very nice to hear. I think I’d have made it longer (with everything a bit more spread-out) if I had written it at a decent time. Maybe I should consider a rewite…

Anyway, thanks for the review, and you can expect to see more soon! ^.^

Lucarichi: Er, no, Jirachi won’t be in it because it’s a One-Shot. Meaning there’s only one shot- one chapter, nothing else. It’s a short story. @_@
And nobody except the Legendaries survived. However they’re going to base the new world off the old, so a few species might remain the same, other tweaked and so on.

But, er, anyway, I’m glad you liked it. ^^;

Check out the first-ever Canadian Pokémon convention, Pokéthon!
Pokéthon is a new sub-event at Otakuthon, an animé convention in Montreal, Quebec! We hope to see you there!
Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2007, 10:08 AM
Fever's Avatar
Fever Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The Fridge
Posts: 453
Send a message via AIM to Fever Send a message via MSN to Fever
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

This was fantastic...

There are one or two places where punctuation could be improved upon, but otherwise - superb! I'm not usually a fan of one-shot fics, but this is an exception. Keep writing!
Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 03:17 AM
Psychic Offline
Master Trainer
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On Serebiiforums
Posts: 445
Default Re: Starting Anew (a One-Shot)

Daughter of Suicuine: Heh, I'm glad you think so. ^^

Yeah, my puctuation was a bit off in some parts, which is why I had edited it a while back. (Guess I still need to work on that.)

Anyways, I'm glad you liked it- I am still writing, and you can find links to my other One-Shots in my sig. *shameless plugging*
Thanks for the comments!

Check out the first-ever Canadian Pokémon convention, Pokéthon!
Pokéthon is a new sub-event at Otakuthon, an animé convention in Montreal, Quebec! We hope to see you there!
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:50 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Style Design: