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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 07-11-2007, 06:51 PM
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Default Taking Back What's Mine

This is a story for a trade, and it's been waiting for a while, due to work I was doing with Platinum and my being gone. So, it's finished, and a grade is desperately needed.

Taking Back What's Mine

Part 1

Her head was sore. That was all her mind could really comprehend at the time. Her temples ached something terrible, and she was beginning to feel like throwing up. Slowly, she opened her eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight. She sat on a dirt road, trees and foliage surrounding her on all sides. Leaves rustled with unseen Pokemon, going about their own business in their lush forest home. Where was she? Why was she laying in the dusty road? Ryuki sat up, her head spinning, but the events prior to her blacking out were coming back, bit by bit.

She was in Sinnoh. She had managed to nab a ticket on a boat coming to the region, one of the few she had yet to visit. ‘Ryuki Kurokawa’ was a well-known name among the Pokemon training community. She was a rising star, with twenty-four badges from Johto, Kanto, and Hoenn, not to mention a few contest ribbons and tournament titles. And now, she was in Sinnoh to add to that list. Until she was attacked…

Suddenly awake and panicking, Ryuki climbed to her feet. Her light auburn hair, pulled into a ponytail, looked a mess from hours lying in the dirt, and her clothes were covered in dust. Emerald eyes wide, the fifteen year old reached for the Pokeballs at her belt- only to grasp air. Then, she reached into her pockets. Nothing but some empty Ultraballs. A string of curses unbecoming of a young woman filled the air, and a few Starly poked out from the tree boughs above, looking down at the angry girl with interest.

Her Pokemon, her precious, well-trained, unbeatable Pokemon! All of them were gone, every last one. Aggron, Typhlosion, Dewgong, Ampharos… All of them, stolen! Oh, yes, she remembered what happened now. Some weirdoes in silvery suits snuck up behind her, bashed her over the head before she could retaliate. And, they took her Pokemon, along with her bag, since it was nowhere to be seen, either. Unable to rage any longer, Ryuki sat heavily on the dirt road. What was she supposed to do now, if she ran into a hostile Pokemon? She was stuck in the middle of a forest, for crying out loud! Plus, she didn’t know how far it was to the next town. The woods, once comforting, now seemed sinister. Without her Pokemon, she had no protection. Anything could happen. Any bush, any patch of grass could conceal a threat…

That’s when she saw the ball. Sunlight glittered prettily off the smooth surface, as it lay half concealed in a tuft of grass. Red and white halves were stark against the natural shades of green and brown that made up their surroundings. A Pokeball.

Afraid it might be a mirage, or that someone might take it, Ryuki lunged forward, skidding through the dirt to grasp it in her hands. The cool metal was comfortingly real. Finally, a Pokemon. Except, well, it couldn’t be hers. None of her Pokemon were kept in regular Pokeballs, not since Hiei, her Typhlosion, accidentally broke his. So, it was either discarded or accidentally lost. Either way, it was hers now, as far as she was concerned.

Ryuki climbed back to her feet and looked the ball over. It had a slight dent in one side, but otherwise looked fine. With a shrug, she released the Pokemon inside, hoping for something she could at least control.

In a beam of red light, the creature within formed. It had a huge head, far larger than its body, with huge jaws and tiny black eyes. It resembled a beetle with a huge head, its body covered in a hard shell. Four tiny stick-like legs supported it, and its skin seemed to be a shade of brownish orange. It had to be a Trapinch. They were quite common in the desert of Hoenn, but rare everywhere else. They weren’t much sought after, despite their dragon type evolutions. Ryuki had owned one, in fact, but traded it to a boy on the boat coming to Sinnoh for a Shinx that had been stolen with her other Pokemon. Now that she thought about it, the Trapinch looked rather familiar. Could it be…?

“Draco?” She asked aloud. The bug-like Pokemon turned its head towards her, eyes glittering mischievously.

“Tra, trapinch,” it replied, matter-of-factly, its tone smug. She gave it a disgusted look. There was hardly a doubt- it could only be him. Never had Ryuki met such a self-centered, untrainable Pokemon. The boy she had traded him to had no idea what he was getting. And now, he was all she had. She sighed, self-pity briefly overcoming her, before steeling herself once more. She’d done this. She’d started out with only one Pokemon, and she’d become great. This was no different. She’d only come to depend on her team too much. She ignored the small voice in the back of her mind that kept reminding her that her starter, a Cyndaquil, had been rather complacent. That Draco was not just selfish, but aggressive.

“Listen here, bug,” she said, dislike obvious in her scathing tone. “I’ve had a bad day. I’ve been knocked around, my Pokemon stolen, and all I’ve got left is you.” Draco tilted his head so that one eye stared directly at her. She swallowed quickly and continued. “It’s in both of our interests for you to just cooperate with me, got it? I don’t need any lip from you.” For a moment, she thought that he might actually be listening. At least, until his jaws opened wide in a yawn. Ryuki glared, deciding she’d had enough of him, and returned him to the Pokeball she’d found.

She’d gain nothing by remaining in one spot, so she walked along the path, fueled by anger. It gradually subsided, and left her to think about her situation. Honestly, she wasn’t much better off than she had been before. All she had was a Trapinch, fairly weak anyway, plus the fact that she doubted it would listen to her. She didn’t know where the nearest town was, and she’d lost her map. She needed to get back to civilization, figure out what idiot team took her Pokemon, and somehow get them back. That also meant she’d have to build up a decent team. She’d need to catch Pokemon. She looked up at a tree, a small creature caught her eye.

It was a bird; mostly light brown, with darker brown around its white face and on the tips of its wings. Its eyes were black and beady, with a small orange beak and small, weak-looking talons. She recognized the creature as a Starly, not a threat itself, but it would evolve into more formidable birds. By catching it, she’d have a bird’s eye view of the surrounding area, plus a Pokemon she could really battle with, besides useless Draco. The trick was actually catching it, first. She couldn’t trust Draco as far as she could throw him, plus he was at a major type disadvantage. She hoped a little brute force could do the trick.

She scanned the ground, looked for anything that might give her an upper hand. A stone caught her eye, round and somewhat heavy. She scooped it up quickly, rolling it along her fingers as she considered how best to go about attacking the Starly. Finally, she gripped it tightly, letting the cool, smooth surface remind her of a Pokeball, and threw it.

BONK! It hit the Starly right in the head, stunning it. Ryuki grinned. She was good at throwing, a necessary skill when capturing Pokemon. It appeared to have more than one use.

As it came back to its senses, the Starly squawked loudly. The sound turned into a high-pitched trill, which was taken up by more, hidden Starly all around her. Ryuki covered her ears, gritted her teeth against the noise, and began to wonder whether or not she might have made a mistake.

Then, they came, swarming out of the trees. Seeing these Starly, so much bigger than the one she had targeted, she realized it must have been a young one. And, now, the adults were here to protect it. She covered her face with her hands as they darted down, digging into her skin with claws and beaks. She ran, trying to get away, but they just kept coming. She swerved off the path, into the forest. At least there they’d have trouble flying and following her there.

Fuelled by adrenaline, she kept running, jumping over bushes and shrubs, thorns and branches slashing at her skin and clothes. All the while, steady wing beats and shrill calls echoed behind her. Slowly, they became quieter, gradually disappearing completely. She kept running until, exhausted, she fell into a heap near a large oak. She sat there for several minutes, breathing deeply, and began to feel disgusted with herself. She’d been beaten back by nothing but a bunch of Starly. It was disgraceful. She scowled, tilting her head back and glaring up through the canopy. Why? Why her? Why were her Pokemon taken, and why was she left with nothing but a stupid Trapinch that wouldn’t listen to a word she said?

She shook her head. Surely, she’d been through worse? Surely she could get through this? She shoved away the mutinous voice in the back of her mind, but still heard its words.

She’d never been stuck like this before. Never. Never had things turned this bad. She’d always had her Pokemon with her. Without them, she was nothing.

“No!” She whispered under her breath. “I’m not nothing, I’m not…” But her voice held little conviction.

She was brought out of her thoughts by shouting, voices on the edge of her hearing. She held her breath, listening closely. She heard another yell, a splash, and something soft hitting a hard, solid object, like a rock wall or tree. Puzzled, she climbed to her feet, listening more closely. The noises sounded like they were coming from her right. She climbed to her feet, wincing as her scratches rubbed against the bark of the tree. She walked carefully, still trying to hear. The sounds grew louder, until she could hear everything quite clearly.

“Piplup! Use Bubble!” She recognized the voice, but she couldn’t place it. It was a young boy’s, younger than her, and he was in a battle.

As she got closer, Ryuki began to understand that the boy and his Piplup, whatever that was, were fighting something fairly big. Finally, she came to a point when she heard them clearly, like they were barely a foot away. She stood in a clearing, the floor covered by old, dead leaves and other forest debris, but no battle. She felt like she was practically on top of them! She took another step, and, as the ground buckled beneath her, she realized she was.

The leaves fell away, revealing a gaping hole, and Ryuki couldn’t shift her balance quickly enough to keep from falling in. Down she went, hitting the stone floor with a soft thud. She pulled herself up, mold and grim clinging to her hands and chest, and managed to get a look around at her surroundings. It was a small, dry cave with light shining through the nearby entrance plus her own hole. She looked up, directly into a pair of angry blue eyes. She recognized the boy behind them immediately, and knew it had been him calling out attacks.

“You!” They both yelled at the same time. The boy’s hair, somewhat messy, was dirty blonde, run through with streaks of brown. He was kinda cute, in a younger-boy sort of way, with a round face and small mouth, split in an angry snarl. At his side was a strange Pokemon Ryuki hadn’t seen before.

It was some kind of bird, but with wings too small to fly. Its body was mostly light blue, with large white circles around its small black eyes. Dark blue feathers covered the top of its head, reaching down its back and out to its stubby tail. Two white spots stood out on its stomach, and its small beak and feet were a light, orangey yellow.

Still, there was no doubt that this was the kid that Ryuki had traded Draco to, Jacob.

“After you trade me that useless Trapinch and run off, you had the nerve to follow me?!” He yelled, eyes flashing angrily. Ryuki’s temper instantly snapped, and she climbed quickly to her feet.

“I followed you?! In case you haven’t noticed, I just fell through a freaking- Oomf!“ She was cut off as something attacked her from behind. A hard fist hit her in the back, knocking her to the ground, cringing in pain. She bit her lip to keep from crying out, and managed to look at her attacker.

It was a Pokemon, not a human, as she had first thought. It had a frog-like face, though it stood on two strong legs, its long arms dangling at its sides. Its eyes, large and yellow, looked almost dazed, like it didn’t care about what went on here and now. Most of its body was dark blue, with black on its hands and feet and white stripes on its torso. Each hand had three fingers, the middle of which was red. On either side of its thin lips was a red spot. She watched, disgusted, as the spots expanded out like red balloons.

“What is it?” She managed to gasp, appalled.

“A Croagunk,” Jacob replied, not taking his eyes off of it. “It’s been bothering local townsfolk. I chased it out here, and I’ve been trying to catch it, but…” He trailed off. Ryuki guessed what he meant. It was proving to be more than he could handle. Ryuki stood slowly, watching it as well. She didn’t want to be hit again.

“Fine, then,” she said simply. “I’ll catch it.” The boy looked like he was about to say something, then closed his mouth and backed away. She grinned smugly. He knew who she was, how powerful her Pokemon were. That Croagunk was no match for her. Or, at least, it wouldn’t have been, if she’d had her Pokemon. The smile fell from her face, remembering. In just that moment, she’d forgotten, her own confidence clouding her judgment, and now she was in a mess.

Not willing to back away from a fight, she took Draco’s ball off her belt. At best, she’d have a new and obviously strong Pokemon. At worst, she’d make a fool of herself. A red flash of light, flowed from the Pokeball, solidifying into Draco’s small form.

“That Trapinch-“ Jacob started, angry and confused, but Ryuki cut him off by raising a hand. He grudgingly subsided into silence.

The Croagunk cocked its head slightly, surveying its new opponent with mild interest. It didn’t look the least bit tired.

“Okay, Draco,” Ryuki said forcefully. “Use Sand Tomb.” Draco just stood, staring back at his opponent. Ryuki felt her anger bubbling up, but slowly pushed back down. “I said, use Sand Tomb, Draco.” The Trapinch yawned, again, like she bored him. “I said use Sand Tomb, you stupid beetle!”

“Tra-pinch,” he replied tauntingly. Ryuki’s hands curled into fists. She only just kept herself from hitting him, but the Croagunk did that for her. Apparently growing restless, it was suddenly on Draco, fist connecting with his oversized mouth. He was launched backwards, hitting his trainer, who fell for the third time in the last ten minutes.

He was off her in seconds, and mad. He lunged forward, jaws Biting down on the Croagunk’s arm. The other Pokemon hardly seemed bothered. It shook its arm, Draco’s small body flopping about as he clung on for dear life. Unable to cling any longer, he was thrown off, hitting the wall. Ryuki ran to his side, quickly checking him over, all former rage gone. She ran her hands gently along his stubby legs and large body. Nothing appeared to be broken, but he was knocked silly. She was checking his jaws when he woke. His mouth clamped down on her arm, but not hard. It seemed more reflexive than anything. Their eyes met, and it almost seemed as though an understanding had come between the two. He loosened his grip, watching her.

“Now will you listen to me?” She said, quickly standing up. He gave her a look that seemed to say, “As if,” but turned away.

Lucky for them, some of the floor of the cave was covered in sand. Draco scooped some up in his mouth, shaking it and scattering it into the air. Grains of sand flew everywhere, but seemed to focus onto the Croagunk. They spun around it, moved by some unseen force, trapping it. It cried out in pain, the first noise Ryuki had heard it make. Could it be weak against ground attacks?

“It’s a poison and fighting type,” Jacob offered from the sidelines, seeming to answer her silent question.

“Thanks for the info,” she replied, a little crossly. The spinning subsided, and the Croagunk looked mad. Ryuki watched as it seemed to disappear, a cloud of black mist remaining. Ryuki recognized the move, Faint Attack, and knew there was no avoiding it.

“Watch out, Draco!” The Croagunk appeared behind the Trapinch, fist coming down on his head. Draco shook it off, turning and kicking up dust. The grit flew in the Croagunk’s eyes, and it stepped backwards, stubby fingers trying to dig it out.

“Now, Draco, Dig!” Ryuki ordered, pleased by the Pokemon’s resourcefulness. Whether he was following her orders or if that was what he intended to do, Ryuki couldn’t tell, but he disappeared underground just the same, his jaws finding a pocket of dirt rather than rock.

When the Croagunk could see, it looked at the hole, slightly confused. It took a step forward, only to have Draco appear from underground, dirt clods shooting out at the frog creature. The Croagunk cried out, but wasn’t done in. It crouched into a fighting stance, the right fist turning venomous purple.

“Dodge, Draco! It’s doing something!” Ryuki called out to her partner. She heard Jacob snicker behind her, but she ignored it.

The truth was, though, Draco just wasn’t very fast. The Croagunk was on him in seconds, fist coming down in a Poison Jab on the top of his head. His weak legs crumpled from under him.

Ryuki bit her lip. Draco was nearly beaten, barely holding on to consciousness after that hit, not to mention probably poisoned. She needed to end this. As he struggled to his feet, Ryuki called the final attack.

“Earth Power, Draco!” Draco brought up a single leg, and brought it back down onto the ground. Nothing happened for a moment, until the earth rumbled. Dirt and sand began to lift out of the floor, huge chunks. The Croagunk’s eyes widened, but it couldn’t escape. Like a torrent, it hit, knocking the frog against the wall with a loud BAM! It stopped, falling in a heap, with the Croagunk, knocked out, half submerged. Exhausted, Draco, too, fell to the ground.

Ryuki returned Draco first, then retrieved one of the Ultraballs from her pocket. It grew bigger, the top striped with black and yellow, like a Beedrill. Taking careful aim, she tossed it. It hit the Croagunk’s head, sucking it in with a stream of red light, dirt filling the spot where it had been. The ball dropped softly. Ryuki watched it closely, hoping, as it shook once, twice, three times…

Trying For: Croagunk
Difficulty: Medium
Required Length: 10-20k
Actual Length: 18,229 w/, 14,995 w/out spaces
Status: Finished!
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Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 08-13-2007 at 06:58 PM.
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  #2  
Old 08-14-2007, 10:29 AM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Just so you know, I'm grading this. Sit tight for a little bit. I'm doing it right now, so I'll be done soon.

EDIT: Sorry about leaving this so long, I completely forgot to post this! Anyway, here's your grade!

Introduction: Well... Nice introduction on all characters, I have to say. You gave them histories, which is always good, and introduced them very well. I haven’t said that much so far, so this makes a change! ^^

I liked how Ryuki was so powerful, but had her Pokemon stolen. A Mary-Sue in the real world! XP

Plot: A girl wakes up with no recolection of how she got there. Her memory slowly comes back, and realises she had her Pokemon stolen. She's stuck with a weak Trapinch, and has to find her way around. She finds the boy she traded Trapinch with, and gets attacked by a Croagunk. Again, nicely done. Not bland, or too cliché, so nice job. A nice, lengthy plot with interesting ideas. I'm really impressed. Definitely a tick in this box! =)

Grammar: All good here. I didn't spot any errors, if any, so well done! Have a cookie from Meg!

Detail: Nicely done here. A good amount of detail and description made this a good read. I actually enjoyed reading this, it wasn't at all tedious! =O

Length: Great length, so another good section.

Battle: I liked the battle. You included the character's feelings, not just "Attack!", "Attack!", "Attack!", so it made things much better. It seemed more realistsic with Jacob's sniggers and smirks, and added to his personality.

Nicely described, varied, and equally sided. Very good here.

Overall: I think you saw this coming... Croagunk Captured!

Very well written story. I see a lot of story deals with you from others in the future. Have fun with the little toxic frog! *CoughLittleDevilCough*

Again, sorry I didn't post this sooner. And sorry for a short grading.

-Jackson-
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iamnotyou11 (00:41:35): scrotom?

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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 08-16-2007 at 03:26 PM.
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  #3  
Old 08-15-2007, 03:43 PM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Thanks a bunch. The wait was fine, you got it done sooner than if I'd just waited for someone to come along. ^^
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Old 08-16-2007, 03:27 PM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

I'd so love it if you continued this story and made another capture attempt. If you do, I'll grade it, since I've already done part one! ^^
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iamnotyou11 (00:41:35): scrotom?

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Old 08-24-2007, 08:20 PM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Part Two

A sound reverberated through the cavern. The Ultraball’s movements ceased. Ryuki couldn’t help but grin. She’d done it, despite all odds. The Croagunk was hers, and she was on her way to getting back her own Pokemon. She scooped the Pokeball off the mound of dirt that had been created by Draco’s last attack. Draco, her Trapinch and the only Pokemon she had left besides her newly captured Croagunk, was tucked away in his own Pokeball, exhausted after the battle. The Croagunk was a tough opponent, but he was no match for Ryuki Kurokawa. She turned to the other occupant of the cavern.

“See? No problem.” Jacob raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“If that wasn’t a problem, I’d hate to see what real problems are.” He shook his head, taking out his own Pokeball. He pointed it at his own companion, a blue water-type penguin Pokemon called Piplup. “Return, Piplup,” he called, watching it disappear in a flash of red light. His gaze returned to her.

“Alright, then. I don’t know why you took that Trapinch back, but I guess you want to keep it.” His face became more serious. “Fine. But give me back my Shinx.” The haughty expression immediately fell from Ryuki’s face.

“I can’t,” she said finally, looking down at the ground.

“Why the heck not?” Jacob asked angrily. “You’re not keeping it. You’ve got that Trapinch, so hand it over!”

“I told you, I can’t!” She shot back, her own voice rising. “I don’t have any of my Pokemon, okay?! They were all stolen by weirdoes in silver costumes!”

“You’re Pokemon were stolen by Team Galactic?” He gave her a disgusted look. “Still. A trade’s a trade. Gimme the Trapinch.” He held out his hand, as if expecting her to just give it away.

“No!” She shouted back defiantly, her hand moving to her belt. “I told you, I don’t have any more!”

“Sure you do,” he replied crossly. “You caught that Croagunk, didn’t you? So give me the Trapinch. It’s your own fault that you lost your Pokemon, and it’s not my problem. I just want a Pokemon to replace my Shinx.” He stepped forward, and Ryuki stepped back. She had no intention of handing Draco over to him.

“I don’t owe you a thing,” she hissed. “It’s your own fault for loosing the Pokemon in the woods.” That just made him angrier. He lunged forward, right hand aiming for her belt. Ryuki couldn’t understand why he wanted Draco so much, but she didn’t care. He wasn’t getting anything from her.

She knocked his arm away and forcefully brought up her knee, hitting him in the stomach. He fell, and she ran.

The cave entrance wasn’t too far from the path Ryuki had left before when the Starly attacked. She ran along it, until the trees began to thin out. Then she stopped, listening for any signs that Jacob might be following her. All she heard were the various sounds of the forests, so she set off again at a more leisurely pace.

Trees eventually gave way to rolling hills. The wind was free here, less restrained by the trees and foliage in the forest. It blasted against Ryuki’s face, blowing back her auburn ponytail. It smelled salty and fresh, the telltale sign that she was near the ocean. The path winded between several hills before the land became flatter. To her right was sand that gave way to open ocean, while to her left was the beginning of a large port city. She wondered for a moment what town it was, until she saw the sign.

‘Welcome to Canalave City!’ The words were getting hard to read due to age and graffiti. It seemed as though every person that passed through this way had scrawled something here, either with a pen or marker or by engraving it. Ryuki had no intention of adding more to it, even if there had been room. She kept walking.

The path curved away from the beach, turning from dirt to asphalt. She knew what she needed to do- heal her Pokemon, grab her supplies, and get out of there. It was only a matter of time before Jacob showed up again, and she wanted to be gone by then.

First stop, the Pokemon Center. It was a rather large building, easily identifiable by the red letter ‘P’ it bore. It looked like many of the other stores nearby, with a glass door and windows, allowing any passerby to look inside. Only one person besides the nurse was there, a trainer waiting to have their Pokemon returned. It was then that Ryuki realized what a shape both she and her clothes were in. Between the Starly and running through the woods, her arms were covered in scratches. Pieces of her shirt had been simply torn away. Something else she’d need would be new clothes.

As she pushed the door open, a pair of bells tied to the inner door handle jingled. Both the nurse at her desk and the boy waiting for his Pokemon looked up at her. Feeling self conscious, she quickly walked up to the counter. The pink-haired nurse smiled sweetly.

“What can I do for you?”

“I, uh, need my Pokemon healed,” she said, removing the Pokeballs from her belt. The nurse took them and nodded. “You can come back later and get them if you’d like, or just wait here.” Ryuki nodded, and quickly left without saying another word.

Looking through the stores along the street, she quickly found a clothing store. It was for trainers, thankfully, and the clothes were sturdier than what regular department stores carried. She grabbed shirts and jeans, quickly trying them on. As Ryuki walked up to the cash register, the cashier, a young woman of only about nineteen, gave her a questioning look.

“Looks like you’ve been through some battles,” she commented. Ryuki nodded.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“We’ve had that a lot lately,” the other girl went on. “What with that Croagunk prowling all through the woods around here. No one can get anywhere without fearing they’ll be attacked. They’ll find it soon, though.” The girl grinned. “All kinda of trainers are coming through to try and catch it. Croagunk are rare, y’know, even here in Sinnoh. I heard that they could only be found in the Safari Zone. No one knows how this one got here.” Ryuki nodded, and the cashier told her the price of the clothes. Ryuki handed over the cash quickly, her mind reeling with the information. All kinds of trainers… A rare Pokemon… Could that be why Team Galactic was here? And, if they didn’t get what they were looking for, they could very well still be around. She wanted to see them again, but not yet. She needed a chance to build a team that can take them out. She didn’t even have her Pokemon with her now, and even if she did, a Trapinch and a Croagunk wouldn’t stand much of a chance. She’d just have to keep her eyes open.

She left the shop with a large bag of clothes. After quickly asking for directions, she was able to find the PokeMart. It was hard to miss, really. All PokeMarts were fairly big, and while this one wasn’t as big as the one in Lilycove or Goldenrod, it was a fairly decent size. Its roof was painted bright blue, and the whole front was windows. Posters advertised various products, most with happy pictures of Pokemon. Her sack of clothes in tow, she quickly went inside, glancing once over her shoulder as she went.

Ryuki made a beeline for the aisle with Bags. A trainer’s bag was different from any backpack- it had to hold everything a trainer would need, with a variety of specialized pockets for everything from potions to berries. Ryuki tended to like the style for boys better. The Bags that strapped around the waist had never much appealed to her, and she always thought they made it more difficult to get to her Pokeballs. Next, she went to stock up on supplies.

As she gathered together some all-purpose Pokemon food, she heard the front door open with a jingling of bells. She didn’t pay much attention until she heard a familiar voice.

“Um, yeah, I’m looking for some Potions…” She stopped suddenly. Jacob was here? Was he looking for her? Not that she was afraid of him, but she had no intention to start a fight with him here in the middle of a store. Plus, he was probably still angry about her skipping out on the trade, and then kicking him.

“Yeah, they’re in aisle eight,” the cashier drawled in a bored tone. “Right next to the Pokemon Food…” Ryuki gritted her teeth. Just her luck! Balancing all the items she intended to purchase, she managed to get out of sight behind the next aisle’s shelf as Jacob turned in to it. Doing a quick run through of her items, she saw that she had everything she really needed, and decided to pay for everything before the boy saw her and made a scene. Everything went fine at first. It wasn’t until she was paying that Jacob noticed her.

“Hey!” She whirled, quickly replacing her surprised and apprehensive look with one of disdain.

“Oh, hi, Jacob,” she hissed scathingly.

“Listen, Ryuki, I-“

“I’m not giving it back,” she cut in instantly, “so there’s no point in asking. When I get back your Shinx, I’ll give it to you, okay?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean, it is, but-“

“What’s there to talk about? I’m not changing my mind!” She was already getting angry, but she wasn’t sure why at first. Then, she knew- he was getting in her way. Throwing a wrench in things. He was making things complicated, and she wasn’t going to stand for it. She needed her Pokemon back, and she wasn’t going to let him stand in her way.

“Can you listen for one second?!” He yelled back, temper rising as well.

“If you guys are gonna battle or somethin’, can you take it outside?” They both turned to the cashier, who didn’t appear to really care what they were doing. “I can’t let ya break the merchandise or anythin’.” He set Ryuki’s receipt and change on the counter. She scooped it up and shoved it into one pocket, and quickly grabbed her bags.

I was just leaving,” Ryuki replied huffily, and, without a glance back, turned and exited the store.

As she walked back to the Pokemon Center, she calmed down and began to regret her harsh words. Still, she had no inclination to go back and apologize. He’d been just as bad, if not worse, to her back at the woods. She stopped thinking about it, and her mind immediately went back to Team Galactic. Suddenly feeling exposed, she glanced around. No freaks in silver suits. Then again, they could be wearing disguises. She’d had a few dealings with Team Rocket, who almost always wore disguises in public, but Team Galactic seemed more competent. After all, they had stolen her Pokemon. She was still cautious even as she came to the Pokemon Center. She got her now-refreshed Pokemon back once more, and ducked into a bathroom to change. That done, she began to put all the clothes and supplies she had bought into her new Bag. She was just shrugging the straps onto her shoulders when the door opened again. Guessing whom it might be, she ignored it.

“…Ryuki,” Jacob said finally. She turned, not even attempting to hide her dislike.

“I told you everything I wanted to say,” she said pointedly.

“But I haven’t to you what I want to say,” he replied. Her expression softened somewhat- he looked sincere. “I wanted to… Apologize. I overreacted. It’s just…” He looked down, seeming almost shameful. “Shinx was the first Pokemon I ever caught. The only one, really. And, well, the offer of a Trapinch seemed like a good one. You can’t find them here. I regretted it almost immediately, though. I tried to find you on the ship, but couldn’t. So, I followed you, found out that I couldn’t control the Trapinch, and just threw it and ran. Then I found you, and you didn’t have Shinx… I just kinda snapped.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I, well…” Ryuki didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t been expecting an apology. “I, I’m sorry to. I should have listened to you.” She smiled slightly. “And I meant what I said. I’m going to get you your Shinx back.”

“Yeah, about that…” He paused, gathering himself, and the smile left Ryuki’s lips. Was he still going to try and get Draco? “Y’see, you don’t know where the Team Galactic hideout is, let alone how to get there. Plus, they have bunches of grunts. Maybe hundreds. You can’t take them on by yourself.” Ryuki’s eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean? I could take them on!”

“What I meant was, you’ll do better if someone who at least knows where things are comes with you. Like me.” Almost immediately, she wanted to say no. Traveling with Jacob? Just because she felt sorry for him didn’t mean she liked him, or fully trusted him. Still, what he said made sense. Weighing the pros and cons, she made her decision, not that she really liked it.

“Alright,” she said finally, sighing to herself. “I’ll let you come.” Jacob grinned.

“Good, ‘cause I wasn’t going to let you leave without me. No way am I leaving my Shinx’s future in your hands.” She glared back.

“Are you calling me weak?”

“Maybe.” His grin turned mischievous, and Ryuki resisted the urge to punch him. She knew he was just pulling her leg, but that didn’t make her any less angry.

This was going to be a long journey…
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Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 09-07-2007 at 02:38 AM.
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Old 09-07-2007, 02:39 AM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Part Two Cont.

Ryuki’s hair whipped back behind her, free from its ponytail. She hadn’t felt like wearing it up, and, in any case, it was night. She still wore her new outfit, plain jeans with a light blue shirt. Her athletic shoes from before hadn’t been harmed in her run through the forest, so she kept them. They sank about an inch into the sand, making walking difficult, but Ryuki felt it was worth it. The salty sea air, cool against her face, was reason enough to come out onto the beach this late. For the first time in a long time, she felt homesick.

Ryuki had grown up by the sea, in Olivine. Her home was positioned near the beach, close enough for salty winds like these to reach them. She’d always loved and been entranced by the ocean when she was younger. Now, though, it brought nearly as many bad memories as good. Her father had been a sailor, and had shown her many things about the ocean. She’d seen its loving caress, but also its violent tantrums. Her father died at sea when she turned ten, his ship caught in a hurricane and sunk. Before, she hadn’t ever thought of becoming a trainer. After, she couldn’t get away quick enough. She’d wanted to run, to escape from the cruel reality of her father’s death, but had since come to terms with her grief. That didn’t mean that it didn’t still hurt.

She sat down in the soft sand, leaning back into a dune, and watched the ever-shifting ocean. The stars and moon were reflected into it, almost looking like a second sky, if it wasn’t for the waves.

She’d left the Pokemon Center to get away for a while. She felt like her current life was some kind of whirlwind, and she’d been caught up in it and turned upside down. In a single day, she’d arrived in a new and unfamiliar region, had her Pokemon taken from her, and now she was going to be forced to travel with someone she neither liked nor truly trusted. That morning, she’d been eager to go. Now, she only wished she could go back and change everything.

Ryuki gazed out, searching for the horizon, but instead found something else. It was a flash of red in the ocean, blinking on, then off. She watched the spot for a while, then shrugged, deciding it was nothing worth worrying about.

Until she saw another flash. Another and another, always in the corner of her eyes, and she was unable to get a good look. She heard a faint splash that broke through the rhythmic melody of the waves on the shore. Was something out there? She glanced up at the sky and almost gasped. A spinning shape, its center illuminated bright red by the moonlight, flitted through the air. It circled, then plunged back into the ocean. Ryuki watched the point where it had disappeared, trying to decide exactly what it was. Finally, it came to her; a Staryu. They were fairly rare, and she wasn’t for certain if they could even be found in Sinnoh. Could it be another rogue Pokemon, like the Croagunk?

It shot out of the water again, and spun around in mid air. Then, suddenly, its movements changed, almost like it noticed something. It shot forward, with a purpose, towards the land. Ryuki was able to fling herself out of the way just it time to miss the Rapid Spin attack as it hit the dune she had been sitting on with an explosion of sand.

Even as she fell, she grabbed for a Pokeball. It didn’t matter which one. While he pushed herself out of the sand, she tossed it. Spinning through the air, the red and white sphere split on its hinges, spilling white light from it. The light solidified into a single shape. It vaguely resembled a beetle of some kind, though its head was nearly twice the size of its small round body and fitted with massive jaws. Four stubby legs supported it, and two tiny black eyes glittered mischievously at its newfound foe, which was still trying to escape from the sand. Ryuki let out a sigh of relief. She wasn’t sure how she would have acted if it had been the Croagunk. It seemed too violent for her to easily control, and would take some training. Draco, at least, seemed to listen to her somewhat, if the last battle was anything to go by.

“Alright, Draco,” she said quickly, managing to climb to her knees. “Use Sand Tomb!” The orangey brown creature nodded curtly and stomped one tiny foot. The effect was almost instantaneous. The Staryu had finally managed to break free of the dune, only to have it reach out for it once again. Forming long tentacles of free-moving sand, it wrapped itself around the Staryu, grabbing its legs. The water-type was overtaken and completely covered in writhing sand. The attack didn’t last all that long, however. Just as Ryuki was pulling herself to her feet, a torrent of water shot through the sand cocoon. The Staryu spun out through the hole, rocketing into the night air. It released another Water Gun from one of its legs, this time hitting Draco squarely. The Trapinch cried out in pain, shaking himself in an attempt to get rid of the water, and Ryuki bit her lip. She’d almost forgotten the ground type’s disadvantage to water, but she wasn’t ready to back down just because of that.

“Shake it off, Draco!” She called, trying to sound encouraging. “You can do it! Use Faint Attack!” Barely acknowledging her shout, Draco continued to watch the Staryu. It circled once, and then landed in the sand on two of its legs. Just as it did, Draco disappeared into a puff of black and purple smoke. There was no reaction from the water type that Ryuki could see, but then, it didn’t exactly have a face to speak of.

Draco reappeared again behind the Staryu. He lunged forward, jaws wide, and snapped down hard on one of the star Pokemon’s legs. It jolted and tried to leap into the air, but Draco was too heavy to allow it to spin. Realizing this, it loosed a Bubblebeam. Draco was hit with the full brunt of the attack as they burst against his face and in his mouth. His grip loosened, allowing the Staryu to break free. It shot, spinning, into the air, as Ryuki rushed to her partner’s side.

He was slumped in the sand, badly hurt. He was too weak to do much. The battle earlier in the day, in spite of the healing at the Pokemon Center, had been rough as well, and now he was subjected to powerful water attacks.

“C’mon, Draco, just one more attack and we’ll have it,” Ryuki said quietly, trying to help him stand. She wasn’t entirely sure, but she hoped that Earth Power would be enough to KO the star. It had worked against the Croagunk. She blocked out the voice in the back of her mind that told her that Draco had had a type advantage then.

Slowly but surely, Draco made it up, and just in time. The Staryu was coming back for another Rapid Spin.

“Okay, Draco, Earth Power!” she called, punching the air as she said it. Draco’s foot stomped again, and the sand on the beach shifted. It moved upward in a single mass, flowing like water. It shot forward all at once. The Staryu couldn’t turn in time, and ran straight into it. It was thrown through the air, landing with a soft ploosh in the sea. With a final sigh, Draco dropped to the ground again, completely exhausted. Ryuki sighed as well, and returned her knocked out partner. She then cast her glance out to sea, hoping that the Staryu was done for the moment. She’d thought about catching it, but with it out in the ocean, there wasn’t much chance of that. She was about to turn when she saw a light, out in the water. She stopped to stare for a moment, and suddenly remembered something- Staryu learned Recover.

The water seemed to erupt as the Staryu shot back out, still glowing brightly. The Recover wouldn’t completely renew its strength, but it was enough. And, with Draco already out of commission, she would be forced to use Croagunk.

She didn’t have a choice. She unclipped the second Pokeball and tossed it. The light shot out, quickly becoming solid. A frog-like creature stood before her now, with blue and black skin. He stood on its back legs, the front ones hanging idly at his side. His middle was bound in what appeared to be a white wrap, and his face was long, with large yellow eyes and a broad toothy grin. There were small red circles on either cheek that expanded as he breathed. As they contracted, he said, “Croa…” in a low voice. The Staryu was already whizzing through the air again, homing in on Croagunk. The frog Pokemon didn’t flinch. Ryuki waited to see what he would do. As nothing happened other than the Staryu getting closer, she finally spoke.

“Okay, Croagunk, use-“

“Crooooa!” His yell cut her off, and as he opened his mouth, tiny needles shot out. Many bounced off the Staryu’s hard gem, but enough hit its softer legs to make it spin out of the way. Croagunk closed his mouth and crouched into a fighting stance, then leaped upward. His fist glowed a venomous purple, and hit the Staryu before it could dodge. The water type was slammed into the ground, sending sand flying in all directions. Ryuki shielded her face from the airborne debris with her arms, and then looked up. The Staryu was getting up, and Croagunk was standing immobile once more.

After the first attack, Ryuki was almost positive that Croagunk wasn’t going to listen to her. It was only fighting because it wanted to. She had no say in what happened in this battle. She scooped up Croagunk’s Pokeball out of the sand and backed away, hoping for the best.

Croagunk eyed his opponent as it picked itself up. It was tiring, by the look of its droopy arms, but it wasn’t out yet. A faint glow started in the center of its gem, but he wasn’t going to wait for it to Recover again. His fist turned purple and he leaped forward. The Poison Jab connected with the Staryu’s gem, and Ryuki saw a tiny shard fall away. It was broken. She held out the ball.

“Return, Croagunk!” His fist was still purple, ready to strike again, when she called. His head turned, glowering at her, before it was sucked up by the red light. With a slight shiver, she replaced the ball to her belt. She’d never felt so powerless, not before she’d lost all her Pokemon. Watching a Pokemon she caught completely ignore her in battle not only shook her confidence, but hurt her pride as well. That was about all she had left.

Ryuki grabbed an Ultraball from her pocket and cast her gaze on the Staryu. It hadn’t moved. Even from where she stood, a yard or so away, she could see the light from the moon illuminating the long crack through its gem. She’s read somewhere that the gem was an important part of a Staryu, and just cracking it could knock it out. Hoping her memory was right, she tossed the ball. Crimson light spilled out of it, engulfing the Pokemon and sucking it inside. The ball fell in to sand with a soft thump. It shook once, twice, three times…

Trying For: Staryu
Difficulty: Hard
Required Length: 20-30k
Actual Length: About 23,470 w/ spaces, 19,263 w/out
Status: Finished!
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Last edited by Draconic_Espeon; 09-07-2007 at 02:50 AM.
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Old 09-07-2007, 06:48 AM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

OMG, I'm SO grading this. School will be soon, so I'll have it done after school, kay?

(OMG, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot about this! I'll grade right now, because I feel so bad!)

Introduction: Meh, good. Not as much needed, since it was a continuation, but it was still enough.

Plot: Well... Ryuki has a big bust up with Jacob, and storms off. Gets to the Pokemon Centre, goes shopping, and Jacob appologizes. She ends up travelling with him, which makes a nice twist, and him changing his personality towards her was a nice idea.

Not much else happened really. I wouldn't say it was bad, I just wouldn't say it was great. Not going to compare with your other stories, since that's wrong, but still... XP

Grammar: I didn't see any problems, honestly. You know what you're doing here, so on to the next section! :D

Detail: Like the last chapter, I love how you write and describe. Yours always seems to flow so well, and isn't at all tedious. Like, when you read stuff that just says, "He had this, and his shirt was that colour, and he wore that."

Yours made the story colourful, and this is one of the most important areas of a story. That's why I enjoy reading your so much. ^^;

Length: Fine. Length is meh.

Battle: Nice and long! A good start, eh?

Nicely described attacks, and you again included Ryuki's thoughts and feeling, not just attacks. Nicely done.

Overall: I haven't got much to say, except Staryu Captured!

A new era of DE and her Starmie arrises! What have I done!? D:

Nah, just kidding. You deserve that Staryu. Congrats on the funny shaped thingy.

Quote:
In a single day, she’d arrived in a new and unfamiliar region, had her Pokemon taken from her, and now she was going to be forced to travel with someone she neither liked nor truly trusted.
XD
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Last edited by Mitsuzo-kun; 09-09-2007 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 09-10-2007, 01:25 AM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Thankya again for grading. It's fine, I haven't been on all weekend until now anyway. I'm glad you like my writing, it's always something nice to hear. ^^ This part was a bit bland, but hopefully the next will be better.

And also, Staryu was for another story deal. XP This is officially my story deal 'mon contiuous story, whereas I write for the ones I want in Platinum.
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Old 09-10-2007, 06:54 AM
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Default Re: Taking Back What's Mine

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draconic_Espeon View Post
Thankya again for grading. It's fine, I haven't been on all weekend until now anyway. I'm glad you like my writing, it's always something nice to hear. ^^ This part was a bit bland, but hopefully the next will be better.

And also, Staryu was for another story deal. XP This is officially my story deal 'mon contiuous story, whereas I write for the ones I want in Platinum.
-_-

Story deal? :o

Nah, it's okay. Anymore chapters coming?
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