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Creative Writing Share your fan fiction, stories, poems, essays, editorials, song lyrics, or any other related written work. All written must be your creation. Start a new thread, and keep replying to that thread as you add on more chapters. Anyone can join in at anytime.


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  #1  
Old 07-20-2007, 06:04 AM
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Default If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

Sometimes things happen. Little things that you do without thinking and take half a second to happen, but the consequences last a lifetime and stick with you forever, and you want to just stop thinking about it, but you can’t.

It’s been a week now, and I just can’t make the horrible feelings go away. It’s all been pent up inside me like a dog on a chain, and all I want to do it let the poor thing free.

Writing is always the best way to channel your feelings and let others know how you feel, because right now, nobody seems to really understand.

Maybe some of you will. I hope so.

Please read on and tell me what you think.



If I Could Take It Back


I hate myself.

Why would I do such a thing?

How could I ever do something like this?

I’m such an idiot.

Why couldn’t I just control myself?!

How could I just let myself slip like that?

Something is wrong with me. With who I am.

I have no self-control.

I want to cry.

Damn it.



I am still blinded by my Rage attack even as I dash through the city. The pavement is white-hot under my scaled feel, which make a slapping sound that rings painfully in my ears every time they make contact. I see people turn to stare at me as a dash through; all humans, all wide-eyed, all surprised to see me without a trainer. But I am pushing my legs to go so fast that all they can really see is a blue, yellow and red blur.

My claws are now tights fists, my teeth are clenched and I try to ignore the bitter taste of blood in my mouth as I run as if chased by Hell’s Houndoom through the streets. The buildings, the multitudes of buildings that brutally pierce the sky seem to glare down at me, scrutinize me, because they are the witnesses, they know what I have done, and I feel disgusted all over again. Where is the exit? Where do all the huge buildings and incredulous humans end? My wide eyes dart about, searching, searching for any signs of a way out of this city…Goldenrod City, my Trainer had called it. Such a stupid name. All I can do is keep pressing south and hope I hit Route 34 soon, before-

“Snapper! Get the hell back here!” Oh dear Mew, no! Oh Mew, oh Mew, oh Mew, no! The voice is piercingly loud and shrill, one I have heard before, but never filled with as much anger and fury as now.

I hate that voice.

I know its owner now hates me too.

Not looking back, I push myself to go faster. I zigzag through the crowds of humans, some of them yelping, swiping and trying to grab me as I run through, but they are too slow. I’m not fast on land, but I am fast enough, thank Mew.

“Damn it, Snapper!” he shrieks, and I can hear that his voice is fainter- he is tiring, the gap between us is growing. I want the gap to stay that way forever.

I hate myself.




Night has fallen. Blessed night.

I am finally out of that accursed city. I never want to go back there as long as I live. No more cities; no more scrutinizing buildings or crowds of humans. If I ever see either of them ever again, it’ll be too soon.

If I could turn back time, like the legendary Celebi, I would just undo that one second, that one moment and make everything right again. But I can not.

I can never stare another human in the eyes, now.

What in Mew’s name have I done?



“Snapper?”

I hear a nearby whisper, quiet and gentle, waking me from a dreamless sleep. I open my eyes in the darkness, and at first see nothing but the tall grass swaying in a gentle night breeze. Shifting out of my sleeping position, I squint to see the speaker.

I almost cry when I see who it is.

“Guys…you shouldn’t have come,” I murmur and try to hold back a sob. Before me is a Furret, a Butterfree and an Oddish, all of whom look tired and solemn. Why…why are they here?

“We know. We just had to come…just to say good-bye,” the Furret says, looking down at the ground. It’s strange to see, because he is usually so happy and full of energy, and I feel a pang of guilt as I see him like this.

“Th-thanks, everyone,” I say, feeling awful. They were good team-mates, for the most part, and while we weren’t exceptionally close, I can tell that this is having a real affect on them. Hurting them, even. After all, I am supposed to be a figurehead of sorts, having been our trainer’s first Pokémon, almost like a leader. Is this going to tear the team apart?

“We saw what happened, and we felt terrible, honest we did. We’d have come sooner, but we had to sneak out while Rick was asleep. He’d be furious if he found out we were communicating with you at all,” the Oddish says quietly, and I see her lower lip tremble as tears begin filling her eyes, but she holds them back bravely. She is so strong for such a tiny thing.

“But it’s worth the risk. We’re not going to leave Goldenrod without saying good-bye.” A small, sad smile creeps across the Furret’s face and his eyes crinkle.

“Yeah, and we also wanted to tell you…well, he can go first,” the Oddish says, turning to the butterfly Pokémon, who seems to blush as he is so suddenly addressed, having remained silent up until now.

“Yeah, I…I just wanted to show you that I evolved. Yunno, before we left. I mean, you always said I could do it, and, and here I am,” he says timidly, and then offers a meek smile.

My eyes soften and I looked him up and down, squinting in the semidarkness. “Congratulations, Butterfree. You look amazing.” And I mean it- the kid had really grown from the fragile green cocoon he had remained within for so long. He nods.

“Yeah. Not long after you…left.” He says the last word painfully, but pushes himself to continue. “It, it was the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. And now…well, call me Flyfree.” The newly-evolved Butterfree blushes, but he says his name with pride. The three of us smile up at him, and I can’t help but feel incredibly proud of him; he is now the first on the team with a self-appointed name, which is a true accomplishment.

“And Snapper, I just wanted to tell you that…well, I’m leaving, too,” the Oddish pipes up, and I see a flash of determination shining in her eyes. “What happened…it was because of Rick, the way he was treating you. It wasn’t right, and I just won’t stand for it. I’m leaving too, whether he likes it or not.”

I am left breathless from her little speech; it almost breaks my heart to see her like this. She doesn’t have to do all this for me- Rick has been treating her fine, after all. Nothing is wrong with her, she could stay, and it would all be all right. But she is doing this…for me. I don’t even deserve it, after what I have done. I don’t deserve to have anyone do anything for me ever again.

I feel bile rise up in my throat. “Thanks, Oddish. I…I appreciate your concern. But you don’t need to do this.” I swallow hard. What have I done?

“No…no, it’s okay,” she says, trying to sound reassuring, but a tear escapes her eye and runs down her soft violet skin.

I choke. “Oddish…” I open my arms to her and she allowed me to embrace her tiny frame into a hug, and I too, let the tears fall from my eyes. I squeeze them shut and allow myself to cry too, my body shaking with sobs, and I start to let it all out. A moment later I feel Furret’s furry body press against mine, his now-wet face pressing against my muzzle. Even Flyfree, the shy, reclusive one joins us, shielding our bodies with his beautiful new wings and we become one tight ball of sadness. Four teammates who hardly even knew each other, but were crying their eyes out as their leader was leaving.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt between sobs, my throat tight. What have I done? I’m tearing the team apart, and for what reason? Because I hadn’t been able to control my own emotions and let my fury lose on a human child! What sort of a monster am I?!

I keep trying to apologize, but I know that even if they say that everything’s all right, it’s not, because I have betrayed my comrades. One second, one split-second decision had ruined my life in an instant, and torn an entire team apart, and for what? Had I been left with a feeling of triumph or satisfaction? Had it let lose all of my feelings so I would never have to deal with them again? No: now I have too many feelings to count swirling violently inside me, like a tidal wave of new emotions, drowning and suffocating me. I cannot control them, and I just bawl and sob and try to let it all out, even though I know I can’t.

Around us, the night is silent. The stars, the bits of light that had always felt so reassuring, so constant, so dependable were gone, blocked out by shadowy clouds. A cold breeze seeps through the blanket of Flyfree’s wings and I shudder. The body heat of my companions keeps me warm now, but what will I do when they leave? How will I stay warm? How will I know what to do? Who will guide me? I can never trust myself again, never depend on myself- I now know that I am unreliable, unable to control myself. I can never be around another human without thinking about what I have done. I can never battle again knowing I could lose control.

If I could take it back, I would. If I could fix that one instant, make it right again, just hold myself back, I would. But I never can.

And this, above all else, is the hardest to accept.
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  #2  
Old 07-21-2007, 11:14 PM
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Default Re: If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

That was just... amazing. Throughout it all, I felt one with the poor pokemon and you did a fantastic job at communicating his feelings to the reader. The emotion was deep and well thought out.

Quote:

I hate myself.

Why would I do such a thing?

How could I ever do something like this?

I’m such an idiot.

Why couldn’t I just control myself?!

How could I just let myself slip like that?

Something is wrong with me. With who I am.

I have no self-control.

I want to cry.

Damn it.
The introduction gives me a sense of loneliness and anger. Snapper just can't figure out himself at the moment and he's torn between hating or feeling sorry for himself.

Quote:

I am still blinded by my Rage attack even as I dash through the city. The pavement is white-hot under my scaled feel, which make a slapping sound that rings painfully in my ears every time they make contact. I see people turn to stare at me as a dash through; all humans, all wide-eyed, all surprised to see me without a trainer. But I am pushing my legs to go so fast that all they can really see is a blue, yellow and red blur.

My claws are now tights fists, my teeth are clenched and I try to ignore the bitter taste of blood in my mouth as I run as if chased by Hell’s Houndoom through the streets. The buildings, the multitudes of buildings that brutally pierce the sky seem to glare down at me, scrutinize me, because they are the witnesses, they know what I have done, and I feel disgusted all over again. Where is the exit? Where do all the huge buildings and incredulous humans end? My wide eyes dart about, searching, searching for any signs of a way out of this city…Goldenrod City, my Trainer had called it. Such a stupid name.
The description here is just brilliant and I can actually imgine myself running through Goldenrod and be imtimidated at the sheer size of the city and the number of humans.

Quote:

“Snapper! Get the hell back here!” Oh dear Mew, no! Oh Mew, oh Mew, oh Mew, no! The voice is piercingly loud and shrill, one I have heard before, but never filled with as much anger and fury as now.

I hate that voice.

I know its owner now hates me too.
My favorite part of the one-shot just because of the emotion in it.

The whole second half of the one-shot just puts a smile on my face. Oddish, Furret, and Flyfree are charactirized as devoted memebers of the team who cannot let their leader disappear without a warm goodbye. They understand that if they were caught talking to Snapper might as well mean being deserted by Rick but it won't stop them from doing what they need to do.

Oddish, for just a little guy, has the courage to leave Rick's team because she knows that it wasn't Snapper's fault for attacking the child. What a brave pokemon, favorite out all of them.

Flyfree is so sweet with his shy demeanor but is still a good friend and teammate.

Furret looks like the one who'll take over as leader when Snapper is gone and I think he'll always think of Snapper when things get tough.

Quote:

If I could take it back, I would. If I could fix that one instant, make it right again, just hold myself back, I would. But I never can.

And this, above all else, is the hardest to accept.
What a wonderful way to end the story of a misleaded pokemon. It just leaves you with a sense of sympathy towards Snapper and you can't help but hope that he'll be alright.

A great one-shot, Psychic, truly something that'll leave an inprint on the reader. :)
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  #3  
Old 07-22-2007, 08:50 AM
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Default Re: If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

Dang, Psychic! You sure can write!

This was such a good plot, well, more like great!

I loved the whole empathising with Snapper, and the other Pokemon, too. This was written in present tense, a very hard thing to do. But you pulled it off with flying colours! =]

This is amazing writing... I'm proud to have recieved critisism from such a worthy writer! =P

Be sure to write more Fan Fictions like this, or I'll poke you with MK's rubber carrot! (He'll lend it to me)

Djax94
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  #4  
Old 08-02-2007, 03:44 AM
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Default Re: If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

PhantomKat7: Thanks- your comment was the first I got on this story (everywhere I posted it) and the positive feedback means a lot. And I’m glad the emotion was done well- that’s what I wanted to concentrate on the most.

Unfortunately, I didn’t want the team to seem as close as you interpreted. Generally they’re all pretty stoic and not very fond of one another, and this continues to be the case as time progresses. They’re mostly scared that their figurehead is leaving, while Oddish is really the only one who cares. But she is incredibly brave for doing this, and she insists on standing up for what she believes in; it’s a pity there are so few people like her in the real world. *sighs*
Flyfree isn’t really a very nice, caring Butterfree, but because Snapper helped him out so much, he feels that a proper goodbye is necessary because at times he can be a real cute softie.
But Furret is definitely not going to take over because he’s actually something of a coward. :P

I can say these things because this really isn’t the end of the story of Rick’s Pokémon. Currently I’m working on a string of stories that take place after this, actually. :P

In any case, I am glad you liked it so much, and I am pleased to see the imprint this left on my readers.
Oh, and interesting little tidbit: Snapper is actually a female. :)


djax94: ^^; Why thank you, I do try.

I’m glad you like the plot- I hadn’t thought it would get much positive feedback. The scene is similar to something that happened to myself, and I tried to show how I felt at this time through the story- I’m glad it worked.

And yeah, present is hard- at least four times I accidentally switched to past tense while writing and had to go over all of it just to fix that stuff. I would seriously not advise anyone who’s bad at catching their own mistakes write in present. @_@

O____o Rubber carrot oh dear. *tries to fight you off with a stick of celery coated in peanut butter* Well er, I have other One-Shots too. XP

Thanks for the comment, it means a lit! ^^


~Psychic
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  #5  
Old 08-20-2007, 03:54 AM
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Default Re: If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

I have noticed that your writing always portrays emotions particularly well, but this time, your descriptions weren't quite enough for me to get all of the details out of the story...
What type of pokemon is snapper? I wasn't able to clearly discern her species from the descriptions you gave, though if I had to venture a guess, I might say a crocanaw or another one of her stages, seeing as this is the johto region and she moves faster in water than land. I must say that I find your motive behind this story intruiging, and I probably spelled that incorrectly. Maybe later additions to this story will shed a little more light on things, but in the meantime, be content with the fact that your writing is superb.

P.S. I noticed that the link in your sig did not work to take me to this story, maybe it is just my retarded computer, but you might want to check it out.
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  #6  
Old 08-20-2007, 07:36 PM
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Default Re: If I Could Take It Back (Pokémon PoV One-Shot)

I must say Psychic, you're pretty good. I enjoyed the two different halves for very different reasons, making me like it ven more for the contrast. The first part was excellent because it really makes you wonder what happened, what's going on, who's been hurt and why did it happen. And then in the last part you get the real emotion behind it, you discover what happened and how, and learn more about your main character and his relation with his teammates. The contrasting emotion of the two halves that manage to tie in together so well makes for a very interesting story.
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