This is your first story, so I'll go easy on you.
: Nothing too out of the ordinary, really. This is actually like most first stories here, which is to say, it follows the basic premise of going out and starting your Pokemon journey with your new companion. I'm not going to attack you about this since you are new, but I think I should
say that something like this will only work for simple stories. If you write for something rare, keep in mind you will need something a little more original to be successful. ;)
This is fine for Mankey, though, and I didn't see too many problems with this, besides the plot, some grammar issues, and maybe details.
: I found a few things, so I'll post those here.
It was a Sunny Friday morning and Robin still wasn't out of his comfortable bed at home, He was sprawled across it with his only Pokemon Totodile snoozing on the floor, Making sounds as it slept quietly.
First of all, you seem to capitalize random words. If something isn't a person, place, or thing, then you don't need to capitalize it. That includes 'sunny' and 'making'. Also, starting with the word 'home', you would add a semicolon [;] there and not a comma; the word 'he' would also not be capitalized since it's still part of the sentence. You can use a period instead of the semicolon, but the comma and the capitalized word there you have now is incorrect.
A loud bang occured which shook Robin's bed making him groan at the sign of getting up, The bang wasn't really a bang but it was just his annoying little alarm clock, Which was making an ear-piercing ringing tone.
You could shorten this, as I think using more words than necessary can make the sentence drag on too much and bore your readers. You could just start with something like... "A loud bang occured, shaking Robin's bed and causing him to groan at the sight of his alarm clock."
The word 'which' is also capitalized for some reason. Anyway, this is more of a suggestion than anything.
To his surprise Totodile jumped up onto his bed and leaped onto him in a loveable manor.
The word is actually spelled as leapt
. You could always use a dictionary to check words you aren't sure about.
"Breakfast then, Robin??"
You need commas to indicate where someone would pause in dialogue, and in this case, it would be after 'then'. Try reading it out loud and see for yourself. You missed these frequently, so try and brush up on comma usage!
You should work on not capitalizing random words (remember, nouns only!), comma usage, and sentence structure.
: This is just enough for Mankey. Good work.
: While there could be more here, this was fine for something so simple. I could easily see the story as it was taking shape, but you could take more care as to telling us what things look like - that includes the main character, his mother, and even the Pokemon. You described clothes, but not any of their looks. It's important that you provide descriptions for people in your work, as they'll be the main focus of your stories, you want readers to relate to them. Otherwise, if they're not convincing enough, the story will fall flat.
Even if it's only two or three sentences of description for each thing, they'd make a big difference!
: I liked how you lowered Mankey's defenses, then used the appropiate moves to weaken it. That was pretty smart, and I usually don't see much strategies used in early stories.
Perhaps next time, you could try to spice this section up by throwing in a surprise or two. We know you're going to try capturing it, but don't make it so easy for yourself.
You want to make things interesting, after all.
: Mankey Captured!
- It was close, but this was a decent first story, although you should work on a few things next time around.