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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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Old 08-10-2007, 04:20 AM
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Default Buizel's Tales


Buizel's Tales:Part One
A Spearow's No Softie

By:Pikablu Pie
For:Spearow
Needed:5k+
Have:30685

Prolouge:
The Buizel Stirs

The night was chillingly cool as a calm breeze moved like a snake through a forest on the outskirts of Johto, constantly changing course to avoid the soaring pines. Trees armored with wrinkled, dark brown bark and spiky olive needles surrounded a large lake in every direction. Moonlight dimly lightened the moist dirt around the lake; it seemed to make the lake itself glow a vibrant silver. A rumbling noise approached the lake at a steady beat.

A group of four large, orange Pokemon appeared from the forest, stopping several feet away from the waters edge. The Pokemon were the size of wolves. A snarl rippled across their face, unearthly large teeth jutting out several centimeters towards the back of their mouth. Their deep, fright inducing eyes were focused entirely on the lake, showing little emotion.

Their pair of tails fidgeted eagerly, as if their tails themselves were breathing, living creatures. A gentle gust of wind ruffled their orange fur, as well as tossing large yellow tubes that were strewn around their necks about.

Following them was a much smaller Pokemon, only the size of a pup. His face looked frightened, as if fearing he would suddenly be attacked by an unknown pursuer. He struggled to stand up, weighed down by the yellow ring around his neck.

The smaller of the five looked up to the smallest of the larger four and began to talk to her. "Ma, why do we always have to hunt so late?" he asked, struggling to hold in a yawn.

The Floatzel turned her attention to her son. "When the sun is out and about, Gyarados resides in this lake. It's not safe to hunt with it around, as it will eat you whole. At night, it rarely is awake at all," his mother answered, a slight feeling of worry in her voice.

Her son sighed and glared at the moist dirt beneath his feet. He cheerlessly curled into a tight ball in attempt to rest momentarily.

The leader Floatzel began to stiffen his muscles and focused all his attention on the lake. Several ripples bounced away from the lake's core. The orange and yellow Pokemon began to walk towards the lake, and muttered a phrase barely understandable. "Go."

As if suddenly awakened, his packmates the Floatzels ran towards the lake, and quickly began to swam towards the source of the small ripple. The Buizel left behind was awakened by the rumbling of the water.

The leader Floatzel disappeared into the deep lake. Instantly, foam rose from where he had departed. A large, lavender shell flew into the air. It looked like an ordinary clam, but was a light purple. Within the shell was a black abyss, with two large staring eyes and a large tongue breaking the darkness.

The leader Floatzel appeared from the water, and prepared to attack the Shelder again. Across from him, the other three Floatzel were ready to back him up. The lavender shellfish sunk into the lake, and the four otters swam down after it.

The Buizel resting helplessly on the sidelines had thoughts other then those about food. "Run away." The word bounced through his mind. He knew he wanted to, but the question was; where would he go? There were many Pokemon that could and would eat him. Trainers could catch him. Other packs of Floatzels and Buizels prowled the forest.

He knew all the dangers. That was why he always was by his mother. His father tried to run away as a child. He was not seen for months, and when he returned he was covered in scars. His tails had been torn to pieces, and his left eye had been a frightening red.

Regardless, he knew he wanted to go. He slyly rose to his feet. Meanwhile, the Floatzels fought the Shellder eagerly. He turned away, and ran. He disappeared into the deep, olive pines. Annoyed with being cast away on the side lines, he would start a new life, under a different name.

To be continued~
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Old 08-11-2007, 07:41 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

Chapter 1:
The Great Escape

The young Buizel had been running for what seemed like hours to him. He was roughly a mile away from the lake, and thoroughly exhausted. Panting heavily, he fell to his feet below a large pine tree. He looked up at the sky. It was beginning to turn a light gray. Dawn would soon engulf the valley - as well as deadly foes.

In a tree nearby, a large, slate bird stood motionlessly. Its face rested opon puffy white down that grew from its chest. It gently shook in its sleep, making its bright red tail flap around.

Buizel rolled onto his back, landing on a sharp twig. The twig snapped in half quitely. The orange Pokemon howled into the otherwise silent sky as he jumped to his feet. His tails twitched with fear.

The large, slate bird awoke, it's piercing eyes glaring at Buizel, whose tails continued to twitch. It silently leapt from the tree, and rose into the sky, gliding on its large, puffy wings.

It then took an sudden u-turn and flew down towards Buizel, the wind whipping at the birds face.

Buizel turned his head towards the Honchcrow and could only gasp as he was grabbed in its mighty talons. He was lifted into the air, clenched tightly in Honchcrow's talons.

Buizel wiggled in the large crow's talons. The bird glanced at him, and gripped even more tightly. The crow's claws pierced Buizel's skin, causing him to stop. The trees below them looked like a bed of nails.

The orange weasel fearfully looked into the brightening sky, as if something would appear and save him. He turned his attention to the Honchcrow and tried to think of something to allow an escape.

The gale whipped at Buizel as he thought anxiously. Water would not be enough. If he tried to move, the bird's talons would pierce his body yet again. Maybe Sonicboom would work?

The Buizel opened his mouth and aimed directly at the bird. A small, silver crescent shape appeared and slowly grew bigger. After several second, he unleashed a silver ray of crescents at the Honchcrow. However, the bird moved just in time to avoid the attack.

Swift was his last resort. It was the strongest attack he knew.

A small white star appeared in his mouth. It glowed intensely, gathering energy slowly. He growled quietly, and then everything began to speed up.

Stars spewed from the weasel's mouth, spraying everywhere. They speared Honchcrow anywhere and everywhere. The stars that missed exploded in a bright mix of red and purple. The crow, fighting to hold on, closed its eyes and began to speed up. But it was of no use. The stars continued to explode and hit the bird.

Slowly running out of health, it released Buizel. The orange Pokemon stopped spraying stars, and fussed in the air, attempting somehow to avoid crashing into the earth. The trees seemed to want to destroy him.

To be continued~

Chapter 2:
Buizel and the City

The whipping gust tore at Buizel as he headed for the ground, back first. The orange weasel flailed his limbs uselessly. His tails snapped at breeze.

He tried to think of some way to slow the fall. He had seen many Pokemon fly before. Most of them used wings, but unfortunately Buizel appeared to have none. Growing dangerously close to the ground, the orange Pokemon remembered something. It was a strange Pokemon. It hummed as it flew through the sky. It had a pair of flat legs, and a stiff tail. It had no arms or wings. There was a spinning line above it. The line looked like his tail, but stiff.

The Buizel tried to spin his tail. It was hard at first, as he was not used to it. He began to slowdown somewhat...

He hit the ground painfully. The dirt seemed to disapear around him as it drifted violently into the air. Coughing, he stood up, his eyes shut and his arm around his face. He tried spinning his tail again, to see if he could actually fly out.

Instead, the dust was blown away by his spinning tail. The Buizel rubbed his eyes and, opening his eyes, looked around. For what continued for about 14 feet was a plain strip of dirt, perfectly straight. It continued both left and right, never stopping. On either side of the dirt strip was the pine forest he was used to.

'Where am I?' Buizel asked himself. He was frightened. He wanted his mother's reassurence. He ran out to the middle of the dirt strip and yelled out loudly, "Mom, where are you?" There was no response. He looked around anxiously, breathing heavily. Something roared in the distance.

Buizel turned his attention towards the roaring creature. It ran quickly down the strange dirt strip, not stopping for anything. On the front of its low, bulky head was a pair of pure, yellow eyes. They had no pupils, and noticed nothing. The pair of eyes flashed in the most frightening manner.

It had an insect-like body, with many spinning feet, but no legs. Its large, mammoth body rattled noisily. On its head was an empty space. A mouth? Something strange was in it. Was the thing getting eaten? It didn't look like a Pokemon. He had seen one of these before when he was very young. His mother said they were called 'trainers.'

It looked like a boy. It had brown hair on it's head. Something strange covered it's body, like a second skin. It struck fear in his heart. But it could not hurt him; it was too busy getting devoured by the metallic creature.

He turned his attention to the advancing Pokemon, whose roars sounded like a waterfall devouring an angry beast. Maybe it was coming trwards him because it wanted him. He would see if it did. "Do you know where my mom is?" he holered to it.

It did not respond. Instead, it continued to roar angrily. The thing in the metallic Pokemons' mouth looked surprised. The thing stared at the orange otter, and began to spin something that he had been holding steady earlier.

The Pokemon grew gradually closer. The weasel was frightened. In just a few seconds it could kill him. What would he do?

The strange Pokemon swerved around him, screeching loudly, balancing on just one side of its body. It soon ran away opposite from where it came.

It did not notice him. It could have killed him. But that wan't going to stop him from chasing it. He would go to no end to chase it down and find how to get home.

***

Dusk was setting. Rain pelted then earth, changing everything from warm and dry to soggy and cold. The sky was painted a silver blue colour. Even with a thick coat of fur, and the advantage of being a water type, the orange weasel was weakeed by the rain. He was cold, hunrgy, and lost. His paws were covered in mud, and the cold, hard road that had changed miles away tore at him. He struggled to continue, often losing his footing and falling to the ground in a heap.

The forest was starting to thin out as he advanced down the rocky path, that seemed never to end. He was about to faint, right there, in the middle of the stone strip, where many metallic Pokemon had nearly smashed him, when he smelled something. It smelled like food. Two different kinds of food. One was meat. Sweet, wholesome meat. The other smelled very strange, yet he was attracted to it.

He could not help it. He ran off the path, towards the meat. It was his instinct. He ignored his pain, for his hunger was taking over his body, like a parasitic creature.

He soon arrived in a caved in area. It was surround by tall, silver walls, with many holes in them. A large, towering cave blocked the end opposite where he came. It was a light tan, the multiple tops a dark maroon. A large, tree-like object came from the roof of the cave. The hole on the top released repeated puffs of smoke.

He could no longer smell the meat. Disappointed, he sighed and starred at the ground. It was no longer raining, but a cool mist had settled in. It gathered on his fur, like a swarm of parasites. However, the strange, irresistible taste lingered in the air. It was so strong, the Buizel felt as if it was right in front of him.

The weasel approached the large cave slyly. Hiding behind a large, hard object that smelled of rotting food, he looked at the opening into the cave. Strange sounds came from inside.

"Close the door and get to bed, Blu," Something from inside said. "You don't want to be late to get Turtwig."

The otter Pokemon could scarcely understood. 'Get... Turt... ig... Get... Turtwig?' He thought to himself. 'Who would want a Turtwig?'

A cold gust ruffled his fur. Flinching, he walked away from the opening. He curled up his body in a feline way underneath a metallic object, circular and clear on the top, which seemed to stand on four straight, wight legs. It was the best shelter he had. Something thudded behind him. The sky was deep black, with nothing to flaws its appearance, other then the ice-cold water droplets that began to attack the earth once again.

To be continued~

Chapter 3:
Befriending the Person

A gentle sunbeam stroked Buizel's fur, arousing him from his slumber. He stretched his body by firmly planting all of his feet on the ground, and leaning backwards. He looked into the sky and smiled at the sight. The sky was a pure turquoise colour, dotted with beautiful, puffy clouds. The bright yellow sun cast warm sunbeams on the world.

It was the first time since he started his journey that he had felt happy and complete. He did not feel alone, hunted, or cold. However, his stomach growled with hunger. But he did not mind. He let the heat and gentle breeze stroke his fur. It felt good.

His peace was broken by a thud, followed by a quiet growl. Regaining his senses, the otter realized the familiar strange smell lingering in the air. 'I must have it.' He thought to himself.

Putting his nose to the ground, the sly orange Pokemon began to walk slowly towards the source of the smell. He didn't bother to look where he was going...

And hit one of the large, silver walls. The wall was icey cold and filled holes. Yanking his crest out of one of the many holes on the wall, the Buizel was surprised to something else on the other side of the wall. Standing on two feet, the pink canine creature glared at the otter angrily. It moved its puffy pink ears slightly, as if waiting for it to respond. A frilly white lace around its neck bounced as it moved. After roughly a minute, it began to talk.

"I haven't seen you around here. You come here often?" The pink Pokemon, a Snubull, asked in a low, suspicious voice.

Buizel couldn't speak. He had never spoken to a Pokemon not of his own kind, but he knew that Snubulls were easily angered. "N... No..." the orange Pokemon muttered quietly.

The Snubull look curious. "What are you doing here?" the pink canine asked. The Pokemon then picked up a piece of brown food of a strange red container and swallowed it.

"I... Ran away. I got hungry... I smelled food, and came here." Buizel asked anxiously. He starred at the ground, his stomach rumbling. He held his belly woozily, fearing he would soon faint if he didn't eat.

"You ran away from your trainer?" the frilly Pokemon asked, stuffing another piece of food in his mouth.

"Trainer?" Buizel asked, curiously. If Pokemon ran away from trainers, they must be tamed by them, too.

"Ah, you're a wild Pokemon. Have some of my food. I hate it anyway. I hate Barboach and Clampearl medley anyway," the Snubull said, pushing the red container close enough to the wall for Buizel to grab it through the wall.

Buizel looked at the red container shyly. He slowly reached a paw through the wall, and grasped a piece of food. It was moist, yet rough, like drying mud. He carefully held to his mouth, and ate it. He chewed slowly, savoring the salty taste of seafood. He swallowed the remains, and felt much better. Still hungry, he continued to eat through the gate, feeling relieved after not eating for more then a day.

The bowl was soon empty, and Buizel rested contetly on the ground. His eyes were shut limply, and his stomach was full. The sun warmed his fur. His peace was disturbed by loud yelling, not far away.

"Bye, mum!" someone, a young girl it seemed, yelled out. "I'll tell you when I get to Cherrygrove!"

"See you!" another someone said. This time, it sounded like an older woman, in her thirties.

"What's that?" the Buizel asked, pulling himself up off the ground.

"Trainers," the pink canine said, "They're popping up all over the place. Elm just got the first batch of Turtwig, Piplup, and Chimchar anywhere out of the Sinnoh region, so it's big."

"Did you have a trainer?" the orange weasel asked, curiously flicking his tails.

The Snubull looked surprised he would ask. "No, of course not. If you go with a trainer, they have you fight all the time. I'm a stay-at-home pet."

The weasel looked shifty. 'It wouldn't be that bad to fight...' He thought to himself. "Well, thanks anyway." He called to Snubull, walking away slowly. He curled up next to a bush, in a patch of intense sunlight, hoping to rest well for the first time since his journey started.

***

Time had moved by, Buizel still enjoying himself in the sun, only half awake. Rising to his feet, the orange and yellow Pokemon lazily walked away from where he was resting, not caring where he was going. A cool breeze stroked his fur.

A high-piched sound came from the looming cave, which sounded like one crying. Frightened, the Buizel dashed behind the safety of the bush he had rested by. He peered around one end, barely out of detection.

The cloudy entrance to the cave swung open, a young trainer dashing out, her face in her hands. She gagged as she cried, forgetting to breath at times. She sat upon a thick wooden board balanced atop two hunk of wood. Buizel crouched with fear, struggling to hold his muscles still.

He tried to observe as much of the human as he could. He hair was a brown going on blond, almost reaching her shoulders. Long, black pants covered her legs, which apparently were too large for her, as they draped around her feet, which were solidly on the ground. She wore a pure white shirt, reaching down her arms, which was dotted with faded colors. A strange orb sat in the middle - half white and half red, with a small white circle in the middle.

Beside her sat an emerald sack, covered in small pockets. The largest was wide open. A red machine had fallen out, as well as a pink strap, several mechanical containers of many different colors, and six real versions of the small orbs. A bright yellow P was printed on one of orbs, "Pokeballs" they were called, apparently showing importance.

Another human appeared at the cloudy door, staring at the smaller of the two. A black Pokemon was at her feet, with a large horn on its head. It had large, glaring eyes and was covered in a fuzzy pink material. She looked disappointed, and began to pull open the door. She walked out, her Burmy following close behind.

The human, apparently the mother of the smaller human, looked considerably different. She had longer hair, which was a more pure blond. She wore a long-sleeved shirt, pale yellow in color. Her pants were more wrinkled, covered in many buttons, and were a navy shade of blue.

The trainer's mother put her hands around her crying child, speaking quietly.

"I'm so sorry you didn't get your Turtwig. Elm promised he would reserve it for you," she said, trying to calm down her child, "If you want, you can have my Burmy."

The trainer's crying ceased as she looked at the fuzzy pink bug.

"I don't want Burmy!" She yelled, turning away from Burmy, starting to shed her tears once more. The bagworm looked offended.

Convinced that she couldn't calm down her child, the woman walked back into her home without a word, followed by her angered Burmy.

The trainer stared at the grass beneath her feet, still coughing occasionally. Buizel forced his head around the bush, feeling somewhat safer.

"I can't believe..." she said, coughing halfway through. "I didn't get a Pokemon..."

'Didn't get... A Pokemon?' Buizel said to himself curiously. He walked out from behind the bush, staring at the trainer anxiously.

"I just wanted to go with my friends..." The human said. She looked up, staring into the forest, though focusing her sight on nothing as if braindead.

'With her friends? Go where? On an adventure?' Buizel asked himself. He had so many question, but no answers.

The trainer noticed Buizel. She gasped at the Pokemon, who was only roughly ten feet away from her.

The otter bounced up, panting from his fear. The trainer looked at him in the eyes as his pupils shrunk to slivers.

The girl stood up and took a step towards the worried Pokemon, who crouched nervously. She took another step. The otter breather deeply and quickly. The trainer took yet another step towards the orange Pokemon. She was only a few feet from the Pokemon. She began to take another step, and the Buizel darted off.

"Come back!" the trainer said, running after the orange otter, whose heart was beating vigorously.

"I want you to help me!" she called out to the Pokemon, who disappeared into the woods. The trainer stopped, and looked down sadly. That was her last hope, and it had ran away. She turned around, walking back towards her home.

Buizel stopped and pondered what she had said. 'I... Should help her...' he said to himself, turning his attention towards where he had came. He could still scarcely see where he had come. He ran in that direction, wanting to help the trainer.

The trainer was several feet away from her home, looking into the woods, as if expecting something to happen. And it did.

Buizel appeared from the woods, his tails twitching eagerly. He slowly walked towards the trainer, no longer having any fear. He circled around her legs, then leapt up and rubbed his head on her legs affectionately.

"Did you come back to help me?" the human asked the small otter, who nodded his head while making a quiet squeal.

The trainer kneeled down and rubbed the Pokemon's head gently. "I need you to come with me for a long time... Is that okay? We'll go on an adventure, and be great friends," she told the otter.

The Buizel stared at her, cocking his head. He nodded slowly. 'Maybe an adventure with a friend will be fun...' he said to himself.

"That's great!" she said, standing up. She walked over to the sack that was still sitting on the bench. She picked up the Pokeball marked with a P and squatted down in front of Buizel again. "I need you to get in this," she told the Pokemon.

Buizel was curious. How would he get inside? He sniffed the Pokeball curiously. He accidently pushed his nose against the small white button on the Pokeball. A red flash of light shot out and engulfed the orange Pokemon. A tingling sensation overcame his body, then he felt nothing. He couldn't even think.

"Sleep tight," the trainer told her Pokemon. She put everything on the bench into her bag, as well as the Pokeball containing Buizel, hauled the sack onto he shoulders, and ran off through one of the small escapes beside the house.

'I'm a real trainer now,' the trainer told herself, eagerly running off towards the winding route leading away from Newbark Town.

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Last edited by Pikablu Pie; 08-25-2007 at 02:25 AM.
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Old 08-21-2007, 04:52 AM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

Chapter Four:
A Rude Awakening

~~~

Buizel's senses returned as he was released from the orb. He slowly rematerialized in an area he did not recognize. Trees dotted the strange area, not enough to make it a forest but enough to keep it from being open plains. The grass short and soft, dotted in bright blue wildflowers and patches of tall weeds.

The otter looked around worriedly. Standing up on his back legs, he began to pant with worry. Placing his forelimbs back onto the ground, he began to spin in place, looking for his friend.

"I'm right here, silly!" his trainer shouted out. Looking at the source of the noise, the orange Pokemon saw his trainer. She was on the ground, looking him in the eyes. Surprised, he walked back a few steps.

His trainer got up onto her knees and looked at her Pokemon. "You must be frightened 'cause you've never been in a Pokeball, huh?" His trainer asked.

He understood her words faintly. He nodded his head nervously, clutching his tails in one hand. A gentle breeze whipped past his body, ruffling his fur.

His trainer grabbed the emerald sack beside her. Balancing it on her lap, she dug through the bag, and pulled out the Pokeball that had engulfed Buizel.

"This is a Pokeball," his trainer said, holding the ball out to him. "It's used to carry around Pokemon. It might hurt at first, but you'll get used to it."

Buizel sighed and looked at the ground. Why should he come with if it would hurt?

"Oh, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Alyssa," his trainer told him in a high tone. "What's your name?"

Buizel looked up at Alyssa. His tails snapped quietly. 'Bui.. My name... Is Buizel...' the orange Pokemon said in his own language.

"Oh, yeah, Pokemon can't talk human," his trainer said in a disappointed tone. She looked away, sighing.

She suddenly looked exited, as if she had a brilliant plan. "H'bout I just call you Alegro?" Alyssa asked.

Buizel cocked his head. 'Al... Alegro... Alegro... It's... It's a good name.' he said subconsciously. He nodded in agreement.

"Okay! You're Alegro from now on!" His trainer said cheerfully.

Alegro happily squealed, cocking his head slightly. The orange Pokemon's stomach growled just loud enough to be heard. He hadn't eaten since earlier that day, and he was hungry again.

"I bet you're hungry, huh?" his trainer asked him. She took a small glass jar out of her sack.

It was large, about the size of her hand. A pink lid covered the top. A green circle with a black leaf on it was on the front of jar. Inside, small brown pellets filled the jar.

"It's Grass Pokemon food. I was originally going to get a Turtwig, so I bought this. It probably won't taste as good as food you're used to, but I hope it'll do," she told her Pokemon. Removing a green bowl from her pack, she place the bowl and the ground and filled it with the brown pellets.

The orange Pokemon curiously sniffed the bowl. 'This doesn't smell very good...' he thought to him self. He batted the bowl with his paw, as if it would do something.

"Just eat it," Alyssa said sadly, removing a sandwich from her sack. Light tan in color, she bit into it, somewhat worried that her Pokemon would not eat.

The otter ate a small amount of the food. It was bitter, leaving a dry taste in his mouth. He stuck out his tongue with disgust. The food taste like plants he accidently eaten as a baby.

A bird watched, undetected, from a nearby tree. It cocked its head, causing the jagged brown feathers on its face to bounce wildly. It moved one of its bright pink wings and pecked at its tan body, the returned its attention to the duo. Its talons sunk into the tree bark, keeping it firmly in place.

Its eyes seemed to glow as it stared at the two with fierce anger. 'Food, I must have food,' it said mentally, its muscles tense. 'I must eat. My life depends on it.' It silently left the tree, circling the two, unnoticed.

Alegro took another bite of the food, slowly chewing it. His stomach ached, not from hunger, but from the food, clearly not to be eaten by anything but a Grass type.

The bird crowed and dove down at the two, wrecking the quiet. Slashing at the orange Pokemon, it crowed repeatedly, its claws ripping at the Buizel's skin.

Alyssa backed away quickly, taking her bag, but leaving her sandwich. She removed the red Pokedex from her bag. Pointing the machine at the assaulter, her heart beat wildly.

"Spearow, the tiny bird Pokemon. Very protective of its territory. It flaps its short wings busily to dart around at high speeds," the machine said, its often becoming 'fuzzy' as the bird ripped repeatedly at the defenseless otter.

Alyssa momentarily grabbed the remains of her now dirty sandwich in her right hand and began to wag it back and forth in wildly. "Wooga wooga wooga!" she yelled at the brown bird, attempting to lure it away. "Wooga wooga wooga!"

The bird stopped attacking and, flapping its wings in order to stay airborne, stared at her with anger. 'Food,' he crowed in his native language. He began to buzz towards the frightened trainer, aiming to steal the food at any cost.

The girl threw the food to her left, and ran towards her injured Pokemon, who was bleeding slightly. "Don't worry, I'll get you cleaned up soon," she said, soothing her Pokemon by petting it.

The bird tossed the sandwich into the air, then flew into the air after it. Tearing it apart in its mouth, it focused only on eating.

"This is our chance, Alegro," Alyssa whispered to her Pokemon, her voice being clouded by Spearow's rage. "If we can weaken that Spearow enough, we might be able to catch it. Now, use your Swift."

The otter obeyed. Walking forward a few steps, he spewed blinding yellow stars from his mouth at the bird, ripping into its flesh.

The bird turned around, staring at him angrily. 'You dare mock me?' its face seemed to say. It dove up, staring at the otter with anger. Its muscles tightened and released like a spring, tossing the sparrow down towards the orange and yellow Pokemon, its head whipping back and forth with great force.

It drilled into his chest, continuously causing obvious pain. The otter backed away and fell in a heap. The bird confidently sped away, but refused to leave. Instead, it zipped back and forth, turning into a blur.

"Alegro! Alegro, wake up! Get in the air!" Alyssa called to her Pokemon, who slowly propped himself up. Trusting his trainer, he got onto four limbs, and span his tail like a rudder, lifting himself into the sky.

"Now, start charging a Razor Wind!" his trainer called up to him.

The Pokemon was worried. He had not learned Razor Wind yet. Out of his whole pack, his father had been the only one to learn the attack, and he died before Alegro could learn the move from him.

But he refused to let his trainer down. He tied to remember the attack as well as he could, spinning his tails so quickly that they seemed to disappear altogether.

The bird began to speed up even more, aiming for the orange Pokemon. Its wings began to glow, followed by the bird fading from sight.

"Now!" Alegros trainer called out. The Pokemon was going to prove himself now. He turned around, and pointed his tail torwards the brown bird. The wind forcefully pushed Spearow away, slashign at its skin. However, no longer hovering, the otter fell to the ground.

Thudding loudly, the otter no longer was able to move. The energy sucked from his body, he sat on the ground, as if he had been impaled into the Earth by a meteor.

The bird followed, falling to the ground in a heap. It laid on its back motionlessly, as if admitting defeat.

Alyssa quietly removed a small red object from her sack. A Pokeball it was, empty and ready to be filled. She threw the red and white sphere towards the scruffy looking bird. It quietly engulfed the Pokemon in a red flash of light. It wobbled back and forth, as if rocking the Pokemon inside to sleep.

Meanwhile, the girl scooped up her Buizel in her arms, cradling him sweetly. "It's okay, it's okay. I'll get you cleaned up soon," she told her Pokemon as if he was her own child.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:14 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

I'll grade this soon :3 I'm sorry I have to leave, someone else is welcome to grade this if I don't return in time. I hope this affects no one. :3
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:25 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

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Originally Posted by Dark Rider View Post
I'll grade this soon :3 I'm sorry I have to leave, someone else is welcome to grade this if I don't return in time. I hope this affects no one. :3
When are you getting back? I'll grade if you'll be gone for a while.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:30 PM
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When are you getting back? I'll grade if you'll be gone for a while.
Most likely a while, have fun grading this.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:32 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

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Most likely a while, have fun grading this.
Thanks, dude. I can't actually grade this, unfortunately. Sorry Pikablu.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:59 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

Dagnabit, and after all this waiting, too. :< Ah well; hope on of you can get to this later.

A bit off topic, but lately I've had dreams involving ST/EmBreon grading my story. xD
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Old 09-07-2007, 05:00 PM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

As much as I'm sure Pikablu Pie appreciates people having a conversation in her story, please refrain from posting anything but a grade in someone's thread. Don't put a claim unless you are positive you can have it graded within a reasonable amount of time.

Story/Plot: Your story definitely had its ups and downs. There were times when the writing style you used was very unique, especially when you threw in an occasional simile to provide the reader with a better picture. However, on the other hand, there were areas of the story that seemed extremely dull and dragged on. It seemed that you were trying to add random things to make your story longer. I'd suggest clipping loose ends out of your stories. You could even make a diagram or thought web out on a separate piece of paper to keep all of your storyline details related to each other. Only keep important aspects, or interesting scenes in your story. Buizel's adventure seemed extremely random until a little over half way through.

For a Spearow, though, this story was awesome. I was mildly shocked when I finished reading and all you had attempted was the little bird. You came up with a creative idea and expanded it far beyond what was necessary. I like to see when people write because they like it, and not just write enough to reach the minimum character count in the story list.

Grammar/Spelling: Very decent. You have a bit of trouble with a few things, but so does everyone. English is pretty tricky, and it doesn't help that there are bundles of exceptions to the rules.

Especially in the second post, you had way too many paragraphs. You're really only going to start a new paragraph when you either 1) Change scene, 2) Change speakers, or 3) Change ideas. Here is a clip from your story:

Quote:
In a tree nearby, a large, slate bird stood motionlessly. Its face rested opon puffy white down that grew from its chest. It gently shook in its sleep, making its bright red tail flap around.

Buizel rolled onto his back, landing on a sharp twig. The twig snapped in half quitely. The orange Pokemon howled into the otherwise silent sky as he jumped to his feet. His tails twitched with fear.

The large, slate bird awoke, it's piercing eyes glaring at Buizel, whose tails continued to twitch. It silently leapt from the tree, and rose into the sky, gliding on its large, puffy wings.

It then took an sudden u-turn and flew down towards Buizel, the wind whipping at the birds face.

Buizel turned his head towards the Honchcrow and could only gasp as he was grabbed in its mighty talons. He was lifted into the air, clenched tightly in Honchcrow's talons.

Buizel wiggled in the large crow's talons. The bird glanced at him, and gripped even more tightly. The crow's claws pierced Buizel's skin, causing him to stop. The trees below them looked like a bed of nails.

It should look more along the lines of this:

In a tree nearby, a large, slate bird stood motionlessly. Its face rested upon puffy white down that grew from its chest. It gently shook in its sleep, making its bright red tail flap around. Buizel rolled onto his back, landing on a sharp twig. The twig snapped in half quietly. The orange Pokemon howled into the otherwise silent sky as he jumped to his feet. His tails twitched with fear.

The large, slate bird awoke, it's piercing eyes glaring at Buizel, whose tails continued to twitch. It silently leapt from the tree, and rose into the sky, gliding on its large, puffy wings. It then took an sudden u-turn and flew down towards Buizel, the wind whipping at the bird's face. Buizel turned his head towards the Honchcrow and could only gasp as he was grabbed in its mighty talons. He was lifted into the air, clenched tightly in Honchcrow's talons. Buizel wiggled in the large crow's talons. The bird glanced at him, and gripped even more tightly. The crow's claws pierced Buizel's skin, causing him to stop. The trees below them looked like a bed of nails.


There is no format set in stone, but it simply looks nicer this way.

You didn't really have anything major for me to point out. Just remember that when you are trying to show possession with the word "its", there is no apostrophe. An apostrophe only belongs in the contraction if you are substituting it for "it is".

Oh and I noticed you were spelling the color white as "wight". Could have been a typo, but I thought I'd mention it.

Detail/Description: You are relatively strong in this area. I really like the way you describe things with comparisons. I've mentioned this before, but similes and metaphors are some of the best ways to describe situations in my opinion. If there is something particularly hard to explain the appearance of, simply relate it to another object/situation that resembles it the closest.

It is common for people to have the most trouble in this area, but you've achieved the visual aspects of the story very well. No complaints here from me, keep it up. ^^

Length: This is more than enough for a Spearow. :P

Battle: It was done nicely, but a little disappointing compared to the rest of the story. Buizel went through that entire excursion just for a two minute battle with a Spearow. :/ The little guy deserves some more credit than that I think. In the future, try making your battles a bit longer with a twist in sides, or an interesting attack combination thrown in. The description aspect, however, was near perfect. I could see everything as it happened.

Outcome: This story would've had to have been all spam for it to not be a capture. Considering he length and quality of the story with the Pokemon your going for leaves no doubt in my mind that you deserve the birdy. Spearow captured! Try challenging yourself by going for something slightly harder with your writing next time. 30k for a Spearow... :/

Nice work, Pikablu. Keep writing. <3
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Old 09-08-2007, 12:50 AM
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Default Re: Buizel's Tales

Thank you much. :3 I'm going to try for some harder stuff soon, so don't you worry. Why, next story I write may be for a Luzleaf rather then a Seedot, or maybe even something harder.

Chapter Two:Fists of Fury

Part One:Enter Cherrygrove city - the Gateway to Destiny!

The Pokeball flashed red, then settled on the moist ground. The twosome looked at it as if unsure that it was safe.

Alyssa rose off the ground and slowly plodded torwards the gleaming sphere. She leaned over ad reached torwards the ball, praying that the small bird was trapped inside. Inside, the Spearow glared at her and lashed at the clear red glass that kept him inside the Pokeball, furious that he was unable to destroy her.

Alyssa puleld her arm back aburtly, afraid the Pokemon could damge her, even though it was trapped in the Pokeball. She reached forward again, and grasped the sphere tightly. Though the bird inside was attacking the walls around him repetedly, she couldn't feel anything.

A smile suddenly broke across her face as she stood up, holding the Pokeball in the air for all to see. "I caught Spearow!" she yelled out, eagerly placing the Pokeball on her belt, where it automaticly latched to a metal disk.

Alyssa snapped back to her senses and ran torwards her injured comrad, who was struggling to get off of his back.

She kneeled next to her Pokemon, supporting his back. She began to speak, though stopping half way, understanding her Pokemon didn't have the strength to respond.

She gently layed down her Pokemon and reached into her bag, which was now on her back. She removed a small, futuristic purple spray bottle from her backpack and turned torwards the orange otter. Supportng his back again, she sprayed the spraybottle on a scrapped area on his left knee. The Pokemon yelped with pain, his body tingling.

"It's for your own good, Alegro..." she told the Buizel, whose eyes were closed tight from the pain that zapped through his body. She continued to spreay on his legs and stomach, the wounds seeming to disolve as the spray hit his body.

Alegro suddenly felt the sting of the medicine disapear, along with his scrapes. He stood up on his own, surprised with the healing properties of the Potion.
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