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Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 08-19-2007, 01:46 AM
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Default A Race with no Winner!

Pokemon to Capture: Numel, Shuppet, and Lotad [we are allowed to catch 3 right?]
# of Characters Needed: at least 25k
# of Characters I have: 40k
By the way, this is only my 2nd URPG story!
This story is ready to be graded!!

P.S. This is a dual P.O.V. story, told in 1st person by two different characters!

The Race with no Winner!

Chapter 1: An Interesting Introduction

*Louie*


A torrent of multi-colored streamers poured down on me, momentarily blocking my vision. Pride flowed through my veins, knocking aside the blood, as though if I had glory, there would be no need to live. The sign above me was marked clearly with the words: FINISH LINE. I had finally done it! I won!

My eyes twitched open, though I really wish they hadn’t. Instantly the sun’s rays planted themselves valiantly in the width of my pupils, causing me to recoil in agony. “Ugh,” I groaned, turning on my side to gaze out of the marsh weeds that stuck up in various directions.

Nature in all its grandeur and beauty stared back at me, enticing me to just run off and live with it in happiness. The grasses I had been looking through shivered in the breeze, and I got a strange urge to place my blanket of straw over them.

Pushing myself to my feet, you would have expected me to gain a better view, correct? Though as I stumbled to my stocky legs, the world did not reveal itself any further, for it made no difference if I was laying or standing; I was pretty much the same height.

I peeked through the grasses once more and instantly a new object positioned itself within my sight. A gigantic sign had been placed rudely atop the hill above the marsh, bespeckled with gleaming, arrogant colors. Slightly blinded by the glare, my eyes passed over the words scrawled blatantly in Pokelanguage across the surface in a large bright white: START

It took a second for the word to register in my mind, though when it did, a feeling of eager excitement ran rampant through my body, causing a shriek to erupt from my throat.

The race! I had completely forgotten it due to the previous night’s sleep, which had apparently wiped my memory of all tactics and strategies I had prepared. But these things didn’t matter. All that matter now to me was getting to that competition.

Crunching softly through the marsh, I passed the snoozing form of my sister, snoring lightly, unaware that I was off to the big race. It didn’t matter, she would show up eventually to cheer me on; or at least I hoped she would. The emerald basin atop her head bounced slightly with every deep breath that entered her nostrils. Her beady little eyes that I had always made fun of twitched rhythmically in her sleep and were a definite distraction from the rest of her pale blue body.

“I’m off,” I whispered simply, bending low to place a kiss on her cheek. Leslie stirred a little, then regained her stationary position once more. Watching this for a moment, I turned back toward the weeds, and pulled them back to reveal the start sign once more. Then, swiveling in that direction, I cantered hurriedly up the hillside.

*Natasha*

“Not uh!” I screamed, peering through dagger eyes at the tiny form of a Corsola, which returned the favor.

“Yes huh!” she squealed back, attempting to counter my previous insult. “I can so do a Bubblebeam! My mom just told me not to because it’s so powerful!” she finished, a lazy pink tongue protruding from the slit in her face. Its color matched that of her body, and by the way it was dangling, it looked as though she had produced another appendage.

“Oh yeah?” I asked, puffing myself up as to tower above her by little more than an inch. “Show me then, Mrs. Ugly Coral Monster!”

She looked taken aback by this, for a look of hurt plastered itself across her face, and the fellow pokemon responded by uttering, “Well at least I’m not some ugly FAT camel!” Following that statement, she passed her eyes up and down the length of my body.

‘I am not fat, it is called muscle,” I responded, though I couldn’t lie to myself, I was a bit of a chunk. I tightened my abdomen, forcing the faded orange and green skin to pulse outward. “See?”

“Yeah, I see that you need to go on a diet!” The Corsola giggled, turning to the Skitty at her right. “Doesn’t she, I mean look at her!” They both burst into a fit of raucous laughter, and skipped away, singing something about a camel that weighed a million pounds.

“Yeah? Well you two are both jerks!” I cried out, my voice ringing in a shrill tone. I was pretty sure that they hadn’t heard me, for by now they had made their way to the marsh at the bottom of the hill and had resorted to squishing grotesquely through the sludge.

I began my ascent down the hill, wanting to finish the argument and prove once and for all that the Corsola was lying. But as I skidded down the windblown grass, moist from the morning dew, something caught my eye and I looked in its direction.

Stumbling clumsily up the hillside was a dark blue pokemon, topped by a thick bowl-like lillypad. It was a Lotad. No problem, I thought. Just another worthless pokemon to beat, he won’t stand a chance.

*Louie*


As I breasted the crest of the gargantuan hill, the marsh disappeared and I was left gazing toward the sky, working out a plan to win the race. The wind that fluttered into my face was comforting; slightly distracting me from the ascending sun, which as all knew brought forth the heat of summer. Echoing shouts were audible from somewhere before me and upon looking over to them, I noticed about twelve other pokemon, all with determined expressions. They ranged in size and species, and all looked as though they could give me a run for my money, but I wasn’t worried.

“Hey Louie-LOUIEEEE!” A squeal bounded toward me, carried on the wind. I turned in all directions and upon looking to my right, I witnessed a tiny Wynaut working its way over to me.

“Willis, what’s happening?” I greeted him, bouncing forward to grasp his paw in a familiar handshake. “You ready?” I asked casually, trying to keep the excitement from flooding my voice.

“Nah, I got this one in the bag,” Willis responded, a little too confidently.

“Yeah, well, remember, you’re going against me, the three-time winner of the hold-your-breath contest,” I reminded him, puffing out my chest in a joking manner.

“Dude, I told you, you got lucky, there was a Tentacruel or something biting my a-,” he began, but was cut off by the booming howl of a Loudred.

I tore my gaze away from my best friend and instead turned it upon the whooping pokemon standing in the center of the hilltop. It danced about, fists shaking maniacally, as though to say, ‘Shut up or you’ll get one right in your mouth’. Its swirled ears were outlined in a thick black streak and looked as though he had an extra set of eyes.

“I said, ‘Welcome to the 3rd Annual Saffron Swamp Race’!” the Loudred began, addressing the entire crowd which had now turned its face upon the screaming pokemon. “As you all know, pokemon from all over the region gather here to show what they’ve got and to try and win the coveted Bushel of Berries!”

The Loudred’s voice boomed out in such a way that my ears rang, and by the crinkled faces of others, so did theirs. I watched as he then stepped to the side, revealing a mountain of berries that rose up past the Loudred’s head and towered above the gasping crowd. Berries from not only this region, but from all over the world were stacked neatly into a pile, sending up a sickly-sweet aroma that sent me into an awkward daze.

When I came to moments later, the Loudred had regained his position in front of the berries and was speaking something about partners.

“Yes, a new addition to the race this year, each of the contestants will be separated into groups of two, each randomly chosen. You will have to agree and cooperate with your partner in order to make it to the end. And of course, you will split the Bushel of Berries.”

Following those words, a series of anguished groans were sent up from the crowd, indicating that they did not particulary favor the incentive of pairing off.

“Oh, be quiet,” the Loudred whispered, though at his level, it came out as more of a shout. When the cries and moans still did not stop, but continued to grow even louder, the pokemon looked like he would explode. “I said QUIET!” the sudden boom blasted through the air, forming tiny ripples in the atmosphere and caused a hush to fall over the group. Either they were intimidated by the loud creature, or they had gone deaf.

*Natasha*

The news crashed down on me like an anvil. Partners! We have to have PARTNERS?

There was no way that I was going to pair up with some simple weakling that had barely mastered Tackle, and judging by the looks of them, I could not expect much more. I began to huff angrily, flames licking out of my nostrils and singing the skin immediately above it, turning them a crisp black. I had no feeling of this, for I have had so many rages that my skin had callused around that area and it didn’t bother me.

I opened my mouth and sent out the loudest boo I could muster, completely disregarding the Loudred’s instructions. I howled and jeered for a while, and a few of the others joined in to make a chorus of angry voices.

“Well, anyways,” the Loudred said above the noise. “If we all are done complaining,” he stopped, giving the crowd a well-deserved glare. “Then maybe, we can get on with the pairing!”

I watched in disgust as Mareep scuttled up to the front, evidently eager to be matched first. “Mew help me if I get stuck with that one,” I utter to myself, taking in the sight of the ragged, useless form of the sheep pokemon.

Noticing the bulky little Mareep, the Loudred placed a hand over his eyes and pointed the other out before him. Then, he whirled around in a circle, stopping seconds later with his gnarled finger directed squarely at a fluttering Combee. The chosen pokemon whizzed up to float by its partner and they chattered away, watching as the Loudred began again, this time with a Pachirisu staring stupidly up at it.

“Oh yeah, such an effective way of choosing partners,” I said sarcastically, becoming even more disgusted by this race every second.

A few more selections were made, and I was left standing there in the sparse crowd, waiting for the inevitable answer as to who my partner would be. Beginning to be annoyed, and constantly checking the position of the sun, as to check the time, I stamped my foot impatiently, waiting for an idiotic-looking Psyduck to waddle its way up to the Selector.

As customary, the Loudred spun round and round, gaining speed at first and then slowly losing it until the finger came to point directly at me.

“What!” I screamed, shocked. “No, I refuse to be paired with some oblivious, crack-brained, foolish imbecile!” I howled, putting emphasis on each word by a stomp of my foot. As I said this, the Psyduck just stared at me with a confused look, furthering my opinion that it had no intelligence whatsoever.

*Louie*


I watched the scene with both pity and disgust. I felt utterly sorry for the Psyduck, whom was being called all of these horrible names. How could that Numel say such harsh words? Didn’t she have any kindness or decency?

Her tirade ended after about the fourth insult and the fire camel just stood there, eyes darting from the Loudred to the Psyduck and finally to the ground, all in one fluent motion. The Selector, Loudred, hurried over to her, feet crunching angrily on the ground, and began to whisper something into her ear. Of course, as before, this pokemon whispering was actually the same volume of a regular pokemon talking, and the little gathering of pokemon itching to begin the race could hear him.

“You will be partnered with this pokemon or be disqualified, you hear me?” He said it simply, giving the Numel no opportunity to respond.

“Fine!” she screamed, and grimacing turned in the Psyduck’s direction and walked swiftly over to him, where she stood glaring down at the hillside.

The Loudred began to announce partners again, and I realized that in the sudden outburst of the Numel, I had forgotten the selection process. I looked first to my left, then my right, and upon noticing that there were no other pokemon, felt a stab of fear. What do I do now? I don’t have a partner!
I looked to the Loudred, expecting him to inform me of my inability to race. But just as I did so, a soft shuffle emitted from somewhere behind me and I turned in its direction. Looking me dead in the eyes was a deep purple creature, somewhat billowy, a pointed purple horn jutting out from its forehead. As it made its way toward the hill’s peak, its tiny body squiggled and shuffled behind it, looking like a used handkerchief. I knew what it was, but was shocked to actually see a Shuppet here, for they were known only to populate the ruins and remains of old buildings off in the Hoenn Region.

“Well, I guess that leaves you two, Louie,” the Loudred started, nodding a head in my direction. “And…” he continued, turning to the Shuppet and waiting for it to introduce itself. It just stood there, unmoving, unspeaking, just staring up at the START sign. “Okay… well let us now begin the race!” the Selector shouted, once again causing the crowd to cower in pain, hands to their ears.
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Last edited by Bryce; 08-19-2007 at 04:29 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-19-2007, 02:00 AM
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Default Re: A Race with no Winner!

Chapter 2: And so, it Begins!

*Louie* (continued)


We took our places at the starting line, all ten of us, looking up to the Loudred and waiting for him to explain the instructions.

“Well, as you know, I am only the Selector, and for that reason, I will not be explaining the rules, I will instead leave that to the Head Race Official. Now, please let me introduce you to the one, the only, Ms. Gwendolyn!”

The entirety of the racers looked around, first at each other and then at the Loudred, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, the air that served as a barrier between the Loudred’s shouts and the competitors, rippled, barely noticeable at first, and then building into a great wall of distorted air. From its center, a single hand became visible, its green hue resembling that of the wet grass beneath them.

Following this came the rest of the arm, until finally a long, snow-white gown appeared, encircling the lean form of a Gardevoir. She towered over me; her beauty overwhelming my eyes and causing me to stare dumbfounded at the newly arrived pokemon. The shiny green hair that was slicked back over her skull shook as she spoke in a soft, melodious voice.

“Hello,” Gwendolyn said simply, looking down at us all and giving each a long, comforting stare. “I welcome you all to this race, and I’m sure that you cannot wait to begin, so I will make this quick.”

She listed the basic rules, which were all too familiar to me. Perhaps the most important: If you are to use an attack on another racer, you will instantly be disqualified. I had no intention of doing this, however, for I believed in a strict, societal race, with strong, concreted rules as to control all chaos that might break out.

The Gardevoir spoke a little more and then turned to the Loudred. “I have matters to attend to, and will return later for the crowning ceremony, I take it you can handle this yourself. Summon if you need me, I will be back soon.” And with that, she vanished as quickly as she had come. The patch of air that she had just been occupying wobbled a little, struggling to return to its previous state before her evaporation.

*Natasha*


The pokemon vanished from sight, and I for one was glad. Her beauty had angered me. Why can’t I look like that? I thought, having a sudden longing to be pretty. It doesn’t matter. I have strength, who needs to look good when you have power such as mine? Even as I think this, I can’t help but feel as though I am wrong.

The Loudred is shouting something as always, and I can make out little snippets of words: Win…partners… GO!

The sudden screech of that word catches me off guard, and in my haste to run, I fall, knocking over my partner in the process. From my position on the ground, I see the backsides of the other teams galloping off, none stopping to help me up. “Come on!” I shrieked madly to the Psyduck at my side, and I yanked him to his feet. He stumbled and fell again, looking like an ignorant teeter-totter.

“Let’s go!” I yelled, and without waiting for him, I ran, keeping my eyes locked on the bottom of the hill where the others were all jogging like mad. I could hear the echoing pad of feet behind me and I realized that the Psyduck had finally started chasing me. It’s about time!

I slid down the hill, gaining speed and closing the gap between the others and me. The swirl of a Buneary’s tail was just a few yards in front of me, and I began to contemplate tripping it, just to gain a few strides. While I was questioning my future action, I didn’t hear the squish of flesh against grass or the thump of a body until the spiraling yellow object passed me.

Evidently, the Psyduck had tripped or something, for it was now tumbling head over heels down the hill, webbed feet flailing wildly in the air. He tore down toward the bottom and knocked aide a series of pokemon, leaving them lying on the ground rubbing their heads and wondering what had happened.

“Go, go, go!” I cheered the Psyduck on, realizing that I could use him as a weapon to knock out the other teams. I was disappointed when he reached the bottom, having collided with no further teams, and resorted to instead insult him again. “You buffoon, can’t you do anything?” I puffed, reaching and ultimately passing him.

“Ugh, owww!” he whined, clutching his head. His voice surprised me, for I didn’t expect it to be so deep. ‘Hey…wait!” he cried to me, though I was almost out of sight already, bent on getting in front of the two teams that were still ahead of us.

*Louie*


I drifted along in the Shuppet’s wake, allowing him to lead me. Descending the hill had been a breeze, though upon looking back, I noticed many of the racers were just now making their way down it. Our team was currently in second, only feet behind a Shinx and Mankey.

“Hey, we are doing good,” I said to the Shuppet, struggling to break the silence between us.

He didn’t say anything in return, nor did he look back. The Shuppet actually sped up, seeming as though he would like to get away from me. What an odd pokemon, I think, surveying his squiggled backside.

We had by now approached a fork in the road, one path, which looked to be shorter, led off into the swamp, which you would obviously have to swim across. The other curved off to the right, into the depths of the surrounding forest, its length unknown to the competitors.

The Shuppet stopped, surveying each way as though he had all the time in the world. Waiting impatiently, I looked behind us to see how close the others were getting. It shocked me to see a raging Numel, puffing loudly, tearing at us with an exhausted-looking Psyduck tailing her.

‘Uh, I don’t mean to be rude, but can we please hurry up?” I asked calmly, passing my eyes between each path. I had expected him to turn off in the direction of the swamp, seeing as I was a water/grass type pokemon, but instead the Shuppet veered off into the forest. I was forced to follow, for those were the rules, no matter how much I disliked them, they decided whether I would be disqualified or not.

The heat of summer instantly vanished as I stepped into the gloom of the forest, which felt as though the sunlight had never even penetrated the thick canopy, and I wouldn’t doubt that. Where had my partner gone?

“Uh, Shuppet dude, where are you?” I called, swiveling around to gaze in all directions.

*Natasha*


“Hurry up, c’mon!” I squeal once more to the Psyduck, who was still a good stretch behind me. I had just watched as the team of the Lotad and Shuppet had disappeared into the shrubs; they had taken the longer way and that confused me.

“Can…I…please…catch…. my…. breath?” the Psyduck pleaded as he reached me.

“No, we have got to get going!” I dictated to him, curving off in the direction of the swamp.

“Why are you going this way, you know you’re a fire type, you can’t swim!” the Psyduck informed me. He wasn’t as dumb as he looked. It was probably all the stereotypes surrounding this species of Pokemon that made everyone think crudely of them.

“Uh, duh, I know that. I have a plan.” I told him in a contemptuous, snide tone. I didn’t care whether he was smart or not, he was still weaker than me and I showed no respect to pokemon such as that.

Without waiting for a response, I took off toward the swamp’s edge. When I reached the sloshing water, which played host to thick globs of sludge and who knows what, I stopped and waited for my partner to catch up.

“Get in,” I ordered him, hovering my foot inches above the surface to show what I meant. Surprisingly, he obliged without questioning me. A miniscule splash plopped up from around him as his bottom connected with the water. When he reemerged, the Psyduck swam around for a minute in tight laps before turning back up to look at me with a questioning expression.

Unannounced, I leapt into the air, keeping my legs stiff below me, and landed with a clunk on the Psyduck’s head. He screeched and wobbled, clutching his head. His constant movements made it difficult for me to balance and more than once, I was almost sent toppling sideways into the water.

“Stop, stop, you idiot, or I’ll fall off!” I screamed in rage at him, my front legs scratching at the air. No matter how hard I tried to get him to stand still, he just kept swinging his head wildly, bent on getting me off. Am I really that heavy? “Okay, okay,” I said angrily and jumped from his head into the air, coming back down to the earth with a plop.

I stood there racking my brains, struggling to come up with a new plan as to get across the swamp. It was too late to turn back now and take the other path, for I could already hear the beginning sounds of the other teams crunching their way over to us.

“I got it!” I screamed, a thought gliding into my mind. “I don’t know how well it will work, but it’s worth a shot!” I hunkered down, my stomach pressed flat to the dirt, and concentrated. My thoughts were all focused on one thing and one thing only: Rock Slide.

The ground beneath me began to shake, but I kept on, willing the attack to work. A huge chunk of rock appeared before me, much heavier than I had anticipated. Using my mind, I finished the first portion of the attack by flinging it into the water, where most of it sank, leaving the tip protruding through the surface.

After the first time, it became much easier, and I was flinging boulders left and right, until they formed a path of stepping-stones across the swamp. They were crude, but looked efficient enough, so I jumped onto the first rock. It held sturdy, so I continued on, balancing on the thin strips that I was allowed. With the Psyduck gliding gracefully through the water beside me, we made our way toward the center of the swamp. Just as I cleared the twenty-eighth stone, shouts came rocketing from somewhere behind me.

I turned and saw that the other teams were racing through the clearing, straight toward the swamp. “We’ve got to hurry!” I yelled to the Psyduck, who was almost across by now. And with that, I sped up, taking two stones with every bound.

Minutes later, I had reached the other side, where the Psyduck was waiting patiently. “Let’s go!” he said, and I realized that for once I was the one lagging behind.
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Last edited by Bryce; 08-19-2007 at 04:27 AM.
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  #3  
Old 08-19-2007, 02:08 AM
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Default Re: A Race with no Winner!

Chapter 3: A Series of Surprises!


*Louie*


The trees shuddered in the light summer breeze, though I was shuddering for a different reason. I had lost my partner and now was sure to lose the race because of it. “Shuppet, hello, where are you?” It was no use, I had been calling out for him for at least half an hour now, and still there was no sign of him. Either something had happened to him and he was unable to hear me, or he had run off so that he wouldn’t have to.

Well, I wasn’t about to sit here and lose the race because of him. Partner or not, I was determined to place first, so I took off down the path. Little light shone through the branches, so the forest had a depressed feeling, which had previously begun to take effect on me. But now that I had my priorities straight, the feelings of sadness dwindled away, leaving me in a quiet state of mind.

There was no sign of the other teams, so I came to the conclusion that they had taken the opposite path, probably to get there quicker, and now I was starting to kick myself. Why had I chosen to follow the Shuppet, he was just going to ditch me anyway. I could have taken the swamp path and made it there faster than any of the others.
I decided that I shouldn’t worry about that, I had made the decision to go the Shuppet’s way, and now I must stick with that.

Having been completely absorbed in my thoughts, I scarcely noticed the soft shuffle from somewhere to my right. The sound was familiar, though I couldn’t place a name on it. My eyes having already adjusted to the dim light, I could see easily, but nothing was there.

“Hello?” I called out, not moving from my spot. Vicious Beedrill were known to flock these forests, another reason why the other teams probably avoided coming this way. “Is anybody there?” I questioned the wilderness.

The shuffle sounded again, this time above me, and I turned my face skyward, blinking rapidly as I saw what had made the noise. The Shuppet was plummeting toward me, its horn glowing brightly. Just before it collided with me, the pokemon released a thick shower of black light onto me. It spread like wildfire, encasing the entire forest in an impenetrable darkness that played host to one’s deepest fears.

I recognized this attack, though had never thought that it would be used on me. The Shuppet had used Night Shade, a ghost type attack that was easy to perform, but almost impossible to dodge. The darkness now occupied everything, the air, the trees, and even my thoughts. Suddenly, my sister Leslie peered around a tree at me, smiling brightly.

“Leslie!” I cried out, thankful to see a familiar face. I began to run toward her but stopped when I noticed something odd. Her pupils were red. Upon seeing this, I backed away as far as I could get. Without warning, she sprang into the air, transforming into the Shuppet, which shot down toward me, smashing me into the leaf-strewn floor of the forest. It had all been a trick of the mind, the form of my sister that is, had been part of the Night Shade attack, which was meant to draw the victim off guard.

The forest returned to sight once more, due to the conclusion of the attack. The Shuppet, puffing slightly, was eyeing me from a couple yards away, waiting for me to make a move. I chose not to disappoint and lunged at him with a Fury Swipes attack. In my haste, I had forgotten that normal type attacks didn’t have any effect on ghost types such as Shuppet, and my blunt claws passed right through his body.

Seizing the opportunity while I was confused on the ground, the Shuppet countered with Knock Off. He thrust the point of his horn into my side, and by the sharp pain that was overtaking my body, it seemed like he had pierced an organ. I fell, unable to attack any further. Having no kindness whatsoever, the Shuppet continued to pummel and beat me with Knock Off. If I didn’t do something quick, this pokemon would kill me!

The Shuppet stopped momentarily to catch its breath, and I seized my chance. I pushed myself to my wobbly feet and put all of my strength into one attack: Absorb. A single beam of green energy pierced the somberness of the woods, heading straight toward the Shuppet. He was struck from behind and instantly tiny particles of life began to drain from him, forced backward toward my body.

As each diminutive bead of light entered me, a warm sensation overtook my body, feeling as though the blood that had been taken from me was returning. It all kept coming, and the Shuppet shook and twitched, unable to break free.

I was not going to stop until my health had been fully restored, though when a shout rang out in the distance, I cut my attack short. I stood confused beside the crumpled heap of the Shuppet, listening for the noise. In the sudden stillness, I could hear a crunch of leaves and upon whirling around; the bulk form of a human stepped toward me from behind a tree.

*Natasha*


We hurried across the shore and back onto the path. The wiggling behind of the Psyduck almost hypnotized me, with its constant swish and curl. The two of us ran though the clearing for a few minutes, with no specific landmark at all to help us to know where we were, just the continuous winding trail.

Another fork appeared in the path further along, and again the path at the right lead into the woods, but the one to the left was blocked completely by a massive wall. It looked as though it was meant to be climbed, for a series of ridges were places strategically throughout.

“I say we stick with the left path,” the Psyduck spoke, eyeing it carefully. “We went left last time, and we ended up in first place, I say we do it again.”

“Um, I don’t thick you should make the decisions,” I told him, glaring. “I mean, after all, I am the strongest!”

“I don’t think that strength matters here, it’s more about tactic, and the smart thing to do would be to climb the wall,” he responded, leaping toward the large wooden wall and grasping the first ridge. His tiny fingers couldn’t hold on and he slipped and fell back onto his butt.

“Fine, whatever, but watch a pro do it,” I retorted meanly. The instant I had seen the wall, I knew how to cross it, and the Psyduck was going about it all wrong. Sucking in a lung-full of air, my stomach began to pulse and become hot. Then, casually, I breathed outward, releasing an Ember attack straight at the wall. Instantly, the wood caught fire and started to crackle. I continued to puff out burst after burst of flames, and soon the entire wall was lit up and letting off smoke.

An array of snapping sounds came forth from the base of the barrier and it fell in one beautiful motion. Without waiting for it to hit the ground, the Psyduck dove through, running full speed past the rubble. A resounding thud screamed up from the ground as it landed, sending splinters of flaming wood into the air. I ducked to avoid these, then followed suit of the Psyduck.

As I cleared the wreckage, I looked around, noticing that this path led straight into the forest as well. Where was that dang Psyduck? I spun around, scanning my surroundings for the little duck, but saw no sign of him. That little pest is going to make me lose this race, I’ve got to find him!

I started down the path, but stopped when I saw a flash of yellow shoot past me. I looked around and noticed the Psyduck standing there smiling, its beak upturned in an odd way. “What are you so happy about?” I asked him, a trickle of fear finding its way into my voice. Something about the way he was smiling freaked me out.

Just then, a dark figure moved from somewhere over by the fire and as it ambled briskly into view I gasped. It was a human.

“Good Job Psy,” the human said in some kind of jumbled language. He bent low and patted the Psyduck on the head. That lying little sneak! I realized at that moment that the Psyduck had played me for a fool. On orders from his trainer, he had entered the race as a way of luring some helpless pokemon to be caught. Well he’s got something coming to him, because there is no way that I am some helpless pokemon!

The man’s hand slid from his pocket and I recognized the object at once. It was the thing that nightmares were based off of, and scary stories that little pokemon would tell each other. That thing that he held in his hand was a Pokeball.
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  #4  
Old 08-19-2007, 02:13 AM
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Default Re: A Race with no Winner!

Chapter 4: A Fight for Freedom!


*Louie*


Neither the Shuppet, nor I had seen the human before now, and it walked casually toward them, some type of contraption clenched in its fist. “Ah ha, what have we got here?” the woman’s voice rang out, garbled as though she were speaking another language. She was clad in a red flannel shirt, which billowed around her like a cloak and reached down low to her torn jeans. A cowboy hat was thrown lopsided onto her head to finish off this discordant outfit. “Looks like I got me two pokemon to catch!” her southern drawl disgusted me and I wanted to run.

I bent and nudged the Shuppet, who, though still weak, jumped to his feet, ready to fight. “Is that a human?” the Shuppet asked, speaking for the first time. His voice was gruff and deep and sounded frightened when he said the word ‘human’. I nodded to him, at the same time readying myself to fight. I perched on my toes, waiting for the woman to do something.

She thrust her hand into the depths of her pocket and returned with a red and white sphere. She tossed in my direction, and I cowered down, expecting it to strike me hard. Instead, it stopped a few feet away and opened to reveal a blinding white light. Temporarily visionless, I stared ahead of me, waiting for my sight to return. When it did, I was left staring into the snorting face of a Girafarig. Its yellow form was blatantly clear in the darkness, but its black spots seemed to blend in. I could hear the black head on its backside snarling and snapping its jaws, wanting to battle.

Without warning, the human yelled, “Use Confusion!” The pokemon, following that command turned toward the Shuppet, probably having detected the weaker of the two. The air between them became wavy and a purple haze shot out toward the Shuppet. It dove and twirled in the air and came to stop right into the ghost pokemon’s chest, earning a cry of pain from it. The Shuppet fell to the ground and whimpered, though as the Girafarig retreated for further instruction, he leapt into the air and used Curse. A needle was produced from thin air and instead of turning on the Girafarig, it pointed itself at the Shuppet and sank deep into him. He let out the loudest squeal I had ever heard.

Then, the needle reappeared once more and flew toward the Giraffe pokemon, stabbing it in the chest as well. It was my turn now. I ran full-speed toward the opposing pokemon and used Fury Swipes, shredding and gashing at it, and leaving deep wound marks all over its back. A neigh, like that of a Ponyta, issued from its mouth, indicating that it was in pain.

I jumped back to stand at attention by the Shuppet, who was kneeling low on the ground. He gasped and wheezed, struggling to gain breath. I was so preoccupied with my companion that I did not hear her call forth another pokemon nor did I detect it, along with the Girafarig, lunging toward me in synchronized attacks.

The long, sleek form of a Grovyle struck me in a pound attack, which sent me reeling backward into a tree. I connected with it in a painful smash and sent snippets of bark raining down on the Shuppet who had been struck by yet another Confusion.

I looked up at the leave-clad lizard pokemon and felt a surge of hatred. That thing is a slave for humans, it is a disgrace to pokemon all over the world.

Without realizing it, I lunged at the same time as the Shuppet. I directed a Nature Power attack at the Girafarig and he, a Will-O-Wisp at the Grovyle. A thick splintered vine rose up from the ground, knocking aside clumps of dirt. It then curled around the Giraffe’s neck, strangulating it.

“Ugh!” the trainer cried out, watching the life being squeezed out of her pokemon.

Meanwhile, the Shuppet had produced a few weak flames that danced delicately around the Grovyle. They burned a dark black color and looked as though they had ascended from the pits of hell. Each time they circled the lizard, a single ember burned him, singeing his leaf covered arms.

“Alright, finish them with Psybeam Girafarig, and use Fury Cutter Grovyle!” the lady shouted, a tone of manliness pouring into her voice.

The lizard went first, producing an arm of spiky thorns. He dove down upon the already dying Shuppet and thrust it deep into his head. He gave a final bone-tingling roar and then passed out.

Then, the Girafarig, which was close to fainting itself rose up and fired a skinny beam of blazing purple light from its forehead, which curled through the air toward me. The attack struck true and instantly I was knocked on my back.

I managed to fight of fainting for a few seconds longer to see the woman drop a pokeball onto the Shuppet and then doing the same to me, that was when my world went black.

*Natasha*


I still could not believe that the Psyduck could deceive me like that, I felt like such a fool. I had to redeem my worthiness by defeating this trainer and proving to be stronger than a human. Without waiting, I dove toward the Psyduck and use Take Down. Surprised by the sudden attack, the duck rotated in time to be struck by my body and sent reeling to the ground. I was slightly injured by the recoil, but showed no sign of hurt.

“Okay Psy, use Disable so we don’t have a little repeat of that,” the man shouted to Psyduck. His pokemon didn’t move, though focused clearly on my body and a strange tingling sensation took over my body. Seconds later, it cleared and I didn’t seem to have noticed a difference.

“Looks like you want it again!” I screamed, lunging forward to do another Take Down. Though as I flew through the air, my body stopped automatically and fell. I hit the ground and felt the air seep from my lungs. The Psyduck had obviously prevented me from using that attack again.

“Fine, if that’s the way you want it, then take this!” I said through gritted teeth. Seeing how effective it had been with the swamp, Rock Slide could definitely injure this pushover. My body pressed hard against the ground once more, I focused my actions toward the earth upon which I stood, and soon enough, a group of boulders appeared in midair. “Take that!” I yelled, finishing the attack and letting the rocks drop down in unison onto the scared-stiff pokemon.

“Dodge!” the trainer ordered him, though it a little too late. The Psyduck managed to avoid one, but was trounced by the other three.
“Psy-Psyduck!” he whispered, apparently too hurt to scream out.

“Alright, you know what to do, Water Sport!” the chubby little duck plucked itself up to its feet and pounded the earth with tightened fists, looking as though he were a toddler throwing a tantrum. That was unquestionably not the case. Spurts of water erupted from the ground and showered down hard against me. It felt like acid was melting away my skin, and I urged myself not to cry out, why would I give them that satisfaction?

My legs twisting with pain, I managed to push myself up for one last attack, knowing deep down that I could not withstand another Water Sport. It was all or never, I could think of only one other attack that would have any sort of effect on the Psyduck, though it was one that I had only practiced once or twice. If it backfired, I could be killed, or worse, captured. I had to use Magnitude.

Just as I had done with Rock Slide, I focused on the ground, though this time going deeper. I envisioned the Earth’s Crust, holding back the magma from pouring over, it was perhaps the concrete of the planet, holding it together. My mind straining, and my head pulsing, I yanked and pulled at it, inching it along, forcing it toward the surface. But it was just too strong, I knew that and there was no fighting it. I had to settle for the lesser option.

I jerked at the ground using my mental waves and forced a mountain of cracked ground to shoot upward, directly beneath my competitor. The Psyduck was struck off guard and went reeling into the air, scrabbling madly to regain balance. When he struck back down from the force of gravity, a smirk crossed my face, and I thought I had won.

But that pokemon would not give up. Psyduck grunted, arched his back, and stood up. His golden down-feathers that had previously been preened and unscathed were now cracked and dirt-covered from the impact of the Magnitude.

A chorus of voices swerved up toward me from somewhere down the path, and I knew that the other teams had caught up. I threw myself in that direction, hoping to reach them before the Psyduck could attack again. The tops of their heads peeked up at me from over the hill and I willed my legs to run faster.

That was when I heard the terrible words, “Water Gun!” I turned to see a torrent of sapphire water blasting from Psyduck’s open beak. Without hesitation, it plowed into me, knocking my body lifelessly to the abrasive hillside. My eyes turned skyward, I saw a red and white pokeball clash with the baby blue sky before it crashed down on me.

It was then that I left my body. Had I died? No. I had just physically left my body and had been transformed into some weightless entity hovering in the air. I was a blinding red light, whipping and diving through the atmosphere before being absorbed by the interior of the pokeball. Once inside, everything was black, black and cold like a prison cell. The space I was provided was tight and very cramped. I threw my body against the side, causing it to rock momentarily. I did it again, and the pokeball twitched involuntarily, then finally, mustering all the strength I had left in me, I tossed my body hard against the side and….

Ready For Grade!
By the way, this is only my 2nd EVER URPG story!
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Last edited by Bryce; 08-19-2007 at 04:23 AM.
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  #5  
Old 08-19-2007, 02:18 AM
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Default Re: A Race with no Winner!

Plot:

You sir, get the award for most interesting plot I've read in all the time I've been a grader (a few days :P). There's a Pokemon race, in which the Pokemon you're attempting to capture race. Louie the Lotad is paired with a Shuppet, while Natasha the Numel was paired with a Psyduck. They begin the race, each taking turns to tell of their point of view until the Psyduck betrays Natasha and a trainer ambushes Natasha.

Meanwhile, a trainer has also ambushed Louie and Shuppet. Both battle valiantly, but end up being captured. It was quite creative. I don't think anyone's ever written a story from the Pokemon captured's point of view. Kudos for such a great idea. I wish I had thought of it myself :P

Grammar/Spelling: Nearly flawless. Great grammar, just watch out for typos (Jeez, I tell that to everyone).

Detail/Battle: Pretty good detail and battle. The only two lacking areas of the story. The battle was rather short as well, but still passing for the attempted Pokemon. The detail was pretty good, but not as vibrant as other detail, but again, still good enough for the Pokemon you're writing for. My only detail related complaint was not introducing what Pokemon the two main characters were in the beginning, leaving me trying to figure out what the hell they were.

Other:

-To my knowledge, Water Sport doesn't damage, only weaken attacks. Minor thing.

-I was rather disappointed the two characters didn't meet. It felt more like two stories combined into one as opposed to a single story.

Overall: Numel, Shuppet and Lotad all captured! Have fun with your flaming camel-thing, puppet ghost, and lilypad Pokemon.

Last edited by Lord Celebi; 08-19-2007 at 04:34 AM.
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  #6  
Old 08-19-2007, 04:59 AM
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Default Re: A Race with no Winner! [ready for grade!]

OMG! YAY!
yeah, i had thought that it would be unique to do a 1st person P.O.V. of the pokemon, so i said, "What the heck" and went for it....

Battles are usually my weak point, or that's what i had been told by my previously graded story =P, by the time i got to the major battles at the end, i was so drained, because i had been at it all day and i really wanted to get it posted up for a grade, [i hate that eagerness about myself ]

About the Water Sport thing, i kinda knew that, but in the R/S/E Guide Book thing, Psyduck's only 2 water based attacks were Water Sport and Hydro Pump, and i didnt think that the Psyduck in my story was advanced enough to use the latter attack..... just trying to think ahead

Yeah, i guess i could've had the 2 main characters meet up, but sadly i had not thought THAT far ahead, and by the time they had met up w/ the trainers, i was up to like 35k and it would've taken alot more to have them meet up first and also battle, so i was kinda lazy on my part

------------------------------------

i have to say that i was pretty worried when i saw that you were gonna grade this because i had seen one of the other stories that you have graded which was by FireFlyk [in my opinion, one of the best writers on here] and she was going for a Natu and Ralts and only caught one, so i was like "Jeez" because i was going for 3 poke's and idk i was just kinda scared

Anyways, thank you SOOO much for this grade, and it was done so quickly! i had imagined that my story would sit up here for a couple days before being graded but it was done very quickly..... listen to me rambling...... i will just say THANKS!
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Last edited by Bryce; 08-19-2007 at 05:03 AM.
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