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Go Back   Pokemon Forum - Pokemon Elite 2000 » Pokemon RPG's » Pokemon Ultra RPG » Stories

Stories Write a story to catch Pokemon. A Grader will then decide if it catches or not.


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  #1  
Old 08-22-2007, 03:40 PM
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Default Burn Magby Burn(Ready for Grading)

Matty came running down the trail towards his first town, Lavaridge Town. His Elekid was traveling about three feet behind. Matty's red hair was hidden by his favorite Electabuzz hat. When he reached a sign saying, "You are now entering Lavaridge Town" Matty stopped and waited for his companion to catch up.

Elekid looked up at his masters determined eyes. Matty had told Elekid how his father had loved Fire types. Matty preferred Electric types, but promised himself he would catch a fire type. They had traveled to Lavaridge from their home in Mauville because Fire Pokemon were very active here. Elekid didn't mind what type it was as long as it didn't try to take his leadership position in Matty's team.

Matty returned Elekid to his Pokeball and continued into the town. He felt very happy at the warm town that his father had been raised in. He could see the lands his father loved. He noticed a hot spring and many people lying in the dirt. Matty was curious of the matters. He walked up to one of the older people and asked, "Excuse me Miss?"

The lady turned around and responded, "Yes laddy? Is there something you want?"

"Can you tell me why these people buried themselves in the dirt?" Matty said curiously.

"Well laddy the dirt here is very warm and soothes the skin quite nicely. The hot springs make the dirt so relaxing," the woman said with love in her voice.

Matty was intrigued, "May I try it?"

She nodded, yes and added, "There is no toll. You may use the dirt whenever you wish."

Matty lied down in the dirt and started to cover himself up. He felt as if his entire 14-year-old body was being surrounded in a warm blanket. He could feel his body loosening up. "This is amazing," Matty said slowly slipping into a deep slumber.

Matty suddenly awoke to find himself lying alone in the dirt at night. He quickly got himself out and as he was walking towards an inn for the night, he noticed a red Pokemon with a snout digging in the garbage. What is that? Matty thought to himself. Matty slowly crept towards it get a better look. Unfortunately, the Pokemon spotted him and ran off. Matty headed towards the inn with the thought buzzing in his mind.

The next morning, Matty went to the old woman and told her of what he had seen. "What do you think it was?" Matty had a need to know what the strange Pokemon was.

"Well consider yourself lucky! That was a Magby, a very rare and elusive Pokemon. It is a very tale to tell of just seeing one," the lady told Matty.

Matty was inspired. He wanted that Pokemon. He had made up his mind, and he was set to stay in this town as long as it took to catch that Pokemon.

Matty spent three days without any luck. The Magby was nowhere to be found. Matty was starting to lose patience. Maybe what he had seen was just a dream? Matty was unsure of himself. Instead of sleeping in the inn Matty decided to sleep in the trees with a hammock he had bought. Matty climbed a fitting tree and set up his hammock. He let Elekid out his Pokeball to sleep with him.

Matty couldn't sleep though. All he could think of was the Magby that he had failed catching. He had promised himself that he would stay until he caught it, but what if he had to stay forever. Matty was extremely upset when suddenly he heard a rustling coming from the ground. Matty quickly awoke Elekid and got down from his hammock.

Matty waited quietly to hear the sound again. He once again started up the tree when he heard a loud "CLANG". Matty rushed towards the source to find the Magby emerging from a tipped over garbage can. "Magby! I challenge you!" Matty shouted at the Pokemon.


The Magby cocked its head and then readied for battle.

"Elekid start with Low Kick!" Matty ordered.

Elekid ran at Magby and used Low Kick. Magby quickly dodged and countered with Ember. Elekid was hit in the left arm and a burn mark was left from the Ember. Elekid winced in pain.

Oh no Elekid's been burned Matty thought to himself. "Elekid use ThunderPunch!"

Elekid again charged at Magby. He let loose a ThunderPunch. Magby tried to dodge, but was hit in the foot. Magby fell to the ground in pain. Elekid winced again from the burn.

"While he is still down quickly use ThunderPunch again!" Matty felt confident now.

Magby was able to roll out of the way and dodge the coming ThunderPunch. Magby countered with Ember again. Elekid was blown to the side with another burn on his face. Elekid winced in Pain as he struggled to get up.

Magby took advantage of this moment and used Smokescreen. Elekid was lost in the smoke.

Matty yelled, "Elekid you gotta get out of there!"

Elekid took a step, but was suddenly hit by an Ember attack from the awaiting Magby. Elekid tried all the directions, but every time Magby used Ember to stop it.

Matty couldn't understand why Elekid wouldn't get out of the smoke. "Elekid, what's wrong? You gotta get out of there!" Matty shouted.

Elekid tried again to get out of the smoke, but with no luck. Elekid was starting to panic.

Matty suddenly realized the Magby shooting Embers into the smoke. He must be using Ember whenever Elekid tries to move Matty thought. "Elekid stay still! Don't move!" Matty had thought of a plan that might work.

Elekid stood completely still. Magby was becoming impatient. Magby used Ember on the still Elekid.

"Quickly jump into the air!" Matty shouted.

Elekid followed and dodged the coming Ember. He landed outside of the smoke. Magby's reactions weren't fast enough to use two Embers simultaneously. Elekid waited outside for Magby. Magby rushed out of the smoke to find Elekid waiting for him.

"Elekid! Use Low Kick and hit him into the air!" Matty yelled.

Elekid followed and quickly hit Magby sending it into the air.

"Now ThunderPunch downward to knock it into the ground!" Matty was getting his confidence back.

Elekid followed and Magby was sent into the ground. Unfortunately, Magby had use Ember on the jumping Elekid, burning his arm.

Elekid fell to the ground besides the lying Magby, both of them unable to move. Matty threw a Pokeball at the Magby. It shook once. Twice. Thrice.

Wanted Poke:Magby
Characters:5853 w/o spaces
7111 w/spaces
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Last edited by GreenRampage; 08-25-2007 at 12:00 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-24-2007, 11:36 AM
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Default Re: Burn Magby Burn(Ready for Grading)

Quote:
You've battled your Pokémon to be caught and now it's time to catch it. Here's the type of ending we want on all stories to be graded:
"Jack throws the Pokeball across the grassy field. It surrounds Bulbasaur and sucks it inside. The Pokeball wiggles, and wiggles..."
Leave the conclusion to be continued by the Grader. NEVER, NEVER say you caught the Pokémon in your story.If you choose, you may finish up the plot after catching (or failing to catch) the Pokémon.
Read that.

Now read what your story says:

Quote:
Elekid fell to the ground besides the lying Magby, both of them unable to move. Matty threw a Pokeball at the Magby. It shook once. Twice. Thrice. Then it stopped. Matty ran over to Elekid and picked him up. Then he grabbed the Pokeball as a smile emerged on his freckled face. He had done it. He had caught a Magby! He collapsed after the thought for a rest.
You should never say that you caught the pokemon. Fix that and I'll grade this.
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  #3  
Old 08-24-2007, 01:53 PM
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Default Re: Burn Magby Burn(Ready for Grading)

Pokelord I edited it so it never actually says he caught the Pokemon. Sorry about that... I hope it's okay.
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  #4  
Old 08-27-2007, 11:50 AM
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Default Re: Burn Magby Burn(Ready for Grading)

Story: A boy named Matty is on his way to Lavaridge Town with his prized Elekid to get a fire type pokemon. He meets a woman there, who tells him that the sand is very soothing and Matty tries to lie in the sand. He falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he sees a Magby with its snout in a garbage dump. He tries to go near the Magby, but it runs away. He keeps on finding it, and finally one day finds it, challenges it and tries to catch it. Nothing too great, but its fine for your first story.

Grammar: The grammar was really good, great job. Just one thing I’d like to point out:

Quote:
"Elekid use ThunderPunch!"
There should be a space between Thunder and Punch.

Detail: There wasn’t much detail in your story. I could hardly picture your character, the lady, your surroundings. Try to put as much detail as you can. Describe a person’s appearance, his hair colour, any specific thing about him, the way he talks, the way he walks. You can even describe the pokemon, for extra detail. Overall, not a good job.

Length: Enough, so no complaints here.

Battle: Your battle wasn’t much interesting, you just made the two pokemon use attacks one by one. Try to describe the appearances of the attacks. You could even describe the smell of the fire attacks. Make use of the abilities too. Try to mix up the attacks, just like the anime.

Outcome: I’ll be a little lenient, since this is your first story. Magby Captured! Next time, make your battle more interesting, add more detail and think of a more complex plot. Don’t think that just because this story wasn’t that good, your other stories will also be the same. Everyone’s like this in the beginning. Good Luck for your next story
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  #5  
Old 08-28-2007, 01:19 PM
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Default Re: Burn Magby Burn(Ready for Grading)

oh Thanks You! I'll definately take all of your comments into account. With Thunder Punch I wasn't sure because in the game it is one word, but that is probably because it doesn't fit as two words.
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